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“Dude, come on. We’ve been driving for hours, we’re both exhausted- let’s just pull over.”
The darkness of the night had reduced Lawrence’s field of vision to little more than the road ahead of him, and the odd passing set of headlights had his eyes burning. He knew that Adam was right, but some knee-jerk stubbornness held him back from admitting that. It was almost as if his mind was trying to prove to him that he didn’t always do what Adam said. He wasn’t that pathetic.
“I’m fine.”
Adam sank back in the seat, cranking the window down and sliding a pouch of tobacco out of his pocket. “If we die in a car crash, I’ll never forgive you.”
Lawrence’s mouth twisted. “Don’t smoke in the car.”
Adam watched him for a moment, before rolling his eyes and then fiddling with the pouch, breaking apart strands of tobacco with his fingers. “I’ll wait until we’ve stopped, I’m just rolling now.”
Lawrence drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a moment. He supposed that pulling over wasn’t the worst idea. He hadn’t slept well the previous night- not that he ever really slept well anymore- and he was actually looking forward to being able to lie down, take his leg off and sleep.
When he saw the exit coming up, he switched lanes, indicating appropriately, and pointedly ignored Adam’s smug smile.
“Tired?”
“Shut up.”
They pulled into the first motel Lawrence saw- part of the deal, much to his dismay. He hadn’t originally been part of this plan, coming on this trip with Adam to see his parents, but with Adam’s nerve damage he hadn’t been able to stop himself from offering to drive. The thought of Adam, states away from him with no way to make sure he was okay, was almost unbearable to him. He was more surprised that Adam agreed to let him, than anything. Adam wasn’t the most… accepting of help. But, the man had insisted that it be on his budget- it was his trip, and the least Lawrence could do was let him pay for gas and a motel, apparently. Lawrence wouldn’t have minded paying for a real hotel, but it was… fine. He could handle it.
He turned the car off, flexing his fingers on the steering wheel before unclipping his belt. “Are you sure-”
“I’m going to get us a room. Wait here.” Adam nodded, tossing the closed pouch of American Spirit onto the seat and then straightening up, tucking the rolled cigarette behind his ear and then setting off towards the reception, cracked porch light flickering over the door. It was like somewhere out of a horror movie- Lawrence shuddered. He had thought that Adam would have had enough horror for one lifetime.
The time passed sickeningly slowly, and by the time Adam returned, cigarette lit and held between his lips, Lawrence had been zoning out completely.
“Sorry I took so long, there was a- what? Something on my face?”
Lawrence tore his eyes away from Adam’s face, clearing his throat. He had been staring- half unintentionally. For as much as he hated Adam’s smoking habit, he couldn’t help but appreciate the way that Adam looked with a cigarette in his mouth, the way his eyes would close for a moment as he inhaled. He had long since passed the point that he could admit it. It was a fact- the sun rose in the east, the sky was blue, Adam was beautiful. He had also long since passed the point where he had decided not to act on it- Adam had enough going on without some old man hanging off him.
“Hm? Nothing, just… tired.”
The smug smile returned. “I told you. Come on, I need to go and pass out.”
He waited for Lawrence to get out of the car, taking their bags easily from Lawrence’s hands and then pointing him towards their room- it was down at the end of the row. Lawrence hated this.
The room was small, just on the side of cramped, with a bed and a couch but not much else, but that wasn’t what caught Lawrence’s attention as soon as he stepped inside.
“Uh, Adam.”
Adam looked up from where he had been setting the bags down, eyes widening when he saw what Lawrence was looking at.
“I did ask for two beds.”
It was a double bed, the sheets flat and crumpled on it. It looked like someone had slept there before- Lawrence had to suppress a shudder.
Adam caught it, though, and grinned. “Upsetting your delicate sensibilities?”
“I don’t have delicate sensibilities .”
“Oh please.” Adam sighed. “I’ll take the couch, you take the bed. It’s not a big deal.”
Lawrence stared at him. “Adam, you’re not sleeping on the couch.”
“Man, come on, your leg. I’m not gonna make the disabled guy sleep on the couch.”
Lawrence’s eyebrows furrowed. It was irritating, how endearing he found the other man even when he was acting like this. “You are also disabled, your shoulder will kill you if you sleep on the couch.”
Adam flushed a little. “Well one of us is going to have to.”
Lawrence paused, weighing up his options. It was just practical, he told himself. There was no reason why his heart should be skipping at the thought of him and Adam sleeping next to each other. It didn’t mean anything. That same old sensation, smothering and warm filled his chest- it always seemed to rear its head when Adam was around.
“We can just share it.”
Adam seemed to startle. “You- share it?”
“We’re both adults, I’m sure we can handle sharing for one night.”
Adam didn’t seem to have an argument for that, and anticipation started to swell slightly in Lawrence’s chest. Stifling it, he started to take his coat off, easing it off over his shoulders and tossing it down.
“I’ll, uh. Okay.” Adam seemed to be talking to himself for the most part. “I’ll just go and get changed, then.”
Lawrence had already settled himself into the bed, his clothes folded neatly on the couch by the time that Adam returned, baggy t-shirt just barely reaching the hem of his boxers. He looked… cute.
He wrinkled his nose at Lawrence’s pyjamas, and then laughed. “You’re such an old man, dude.”
“I am an old man.”
Adam crossed the room, sliding into the bed next to him and leaving about a foot of space between them. Lawrence’s heart rate picked up regardless. He could feel the roughness of the sheets against his leg, but pointedly ignored it. He didn’t have delicate sensibilities, he just… would have rathered sleeping in a bed that didn’t have springs that dug into his ass.
Adam flopped down onto the bed then, his sigh catching onto a yawn. Lawrence watched him, looking away when Adam turned to face him.
He reached over, switching the light off and then shuffling down to lie down. Even in the dark, he knew they were facing each other.
“Goodnight, Adam.”
The silence hung for a moment, and Lawrence thought that maybe Adam had already fallen asleep, when he felt the blankets shift slightly as Adam got comfortable.
“Thank you for coming with me.”
His heart gave a squeeze, and he fought the urge to reach across for the man. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.” Adam went quiet for a while, and then exhaled slowly. “Goodnight, Lawrence.”
Lawrence closed his eyes letting the soft sounds of Adam’s breathing help him to drift off.
–
Adam woke up warm, with a pressure on his chest that he couldn’t place.
He couldn’t move, like he was being held in place, and he almost panicked for a moment before he inhaled- smelling cedar, laundry detergent. Lawrence.
He opened his eyes, blinking once, twice.
Lawrence’s chest was broad and firm underneath his cheek, and with dawning horror Adam realised that he had drooled during the night- he had also apparently clung to Lawrence like a koala during the night, but one problem at a time.
He took another deep breath, the smell of Lawrence calming his heart rate a little. The man looked younger in sleep, his usual serious expression loosened into something softer, his hair curling a little where it pressed against the pillow. Adam felt himself flush at the sight of it- Lawrence was always handsome, but there was something about him like this, face slack from sleep, arm wrapped tight around Adam, that had his heart doing some very stupid things.
He watched Lawrence’s eyelashes flutter, his eyes open a little.
“Mmhm- good morning.” His voice was rough, and Adam felt his stomach bottom out for a second.
“Morning.”
Lawrence seemed to realise the position they were in then, face flushing. “Ah.”
They stared at each other for a moment, and it was like something gave inside of Adam- he couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried from pushing himself up on Lawrence’s chest, pressing their mouths together in a chaste kiss. It only lasted a moment, before Adam’s brain finally caught up with him, and he pulled back with wide eyes.
“Uh.”
Lawrence looked startled, lips parted. He was gorgeous . Adam was a fucking idiot.
“Lawrence, I’m so sorr-”
He felt a hand on his shirt, and then he was being pulled, their lips meeting again as Lawrence’s hand came up to hold his face. Adam made a small surprised noise, waiting until they broke apart to breathe to rest their foreheads together. Lawrence’s breath was slightly uneven.
“Is this..?” Adam smoothed his hands over Lawrence’s chest, thrilling at the steady thump of his heartbeat under his palm.
Lawrence watched him, eyes soft. “I’ve wanted to do that for months.”
“ Months? ” Adam’s breathing choked into a laugh, and he brushed his nose against Lawrence’s gently. “We could have been doing this for months?”
Lawrence’s expression shifted, shifted again- fondness written plainly across his features. Adam thought about saying something, but settled for kissing the man again. They would have to start driving again soon if they had any hope of reaching Adam’s hometown by nightfall, and there would be plenty of time to talk in the car. For now, he kissed him lazily, feeling the man’s heart race double-time under his hands.
When he had drunk his fill- for now, he wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to get enough of this now that he knew what it felt like- he rested his head on the man’s chest again.
He felt Lawrence’s laugh, the soft rumble of it. “We should get up, Adam.”
Adam whined, pressed his face into the soft fabric of his shirt. “My parents can wait.”
He felt Lawrence’s hand, feather light as he touched his hair. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can go home.”
Adam’s finger trailed across his chest, the fabric snagging on his finger tip and then sliding back into place. It felt a little surreal, being able to touch the man like this after so long of keeping distance between them- sometimes, it felt like the distance that had been imposed on them in the bathroom had never ended, but now Adam could feel him, warm and solid against him.
He let out a breath, embarrassingly shaky. “I…”
Lawrence hummed, pressed lips to Adam’s hair. Adam didn’t quite know what to say- the words caught in his throat felt too big, but also too small for what they were. What was the etiquette for what to say after kissing the man who went through hell with you, who saved you from it? It felt precarious and delicate, but also unshakeable. He curled tighter into the man, felt his hand pause in its movements.
“Adam? Is something wrong?”
Adam shook his head and kissed his chest, right over his heart. “No, no. Just… happy.”
He felt Lawrence’s inhale, and let him tilt his face up with a finger under his chin, smiling into the kiss as their mouths slotted together. It felt like coming home, in a lot of ways.
Lawrence broke the kiss, pressing another chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away. “We really should start getting ready to go.”
Adam groaned, head falling against his chest with a dull thunk . “Can we at least stop for breakfast?”
“Will you let me pay for it?”
Adam snorted. “As a thank you for making out with me breakfast?”
He didn’t even have to look- he could see Lawrence rolling his eyes in his mind. “I was thinking more of an I love you breakfast.”
Adam’s breathing caught, and he was suddenly glad his face was hidden. He didn’t know what his expression would look like otherwise.
“Yeah, well. You’re pretty cool too, I guess.”
Lawrence’s answering laugh was bright and genuine, and something warm and soft settled in Adam’s chest, his smile lazy and wide when he finally lifted his face to look at him. Lawrence was blushing, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled- he would definitely have crow’s feet when he was older, he could already see the beginnings of them. The thought of getting to see them develop, of getting to grow old with the man, almost knocked the breath out of Adam. He was probably getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t find it in himself to rein himself in, instead settling for taking Lawrence’s hand in his own. “I love you too.”
They had beaten worse odds, after all.