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Lex quietly zips her backpack shut, struggling a little as the zipper catches on the fabric of one of her hoodies stuffed into the bag. It’s hardly big enough to fit all her stuff, but she had easily made the decision to prioritize Hannah’s belongings over her own. She doesn’t need much, just enough to get by like she always has.
Lex frees the zipper and finishes closing up the backpack, setting it to the side and reaching for a duffle bag lying zipped open in the middle of the carpet. She picks up a shirt from the pile of Hannah’s clothes she had just taken out from the dryer, sloppily folding it and stuffing it into the bag. The weight of what she’s about to do presses down on her shoulders as she folds in silence, taking unnecessary care to stack the clothing neatly in the bag as she tries not to think about it, focusing on the fabric still warm from the dryer between her fingers rather than the heavy beating of her heart.
Lex doesn’t want to go. It’s a childish thought, the kind of thought she wouldn’t have let linger just a few months ago. But she’s got a bounce house in her living room, a golf cart parked in front of the flatscreen TV and two whole bathrooms now. She’d gotten used to living somewhat comfortably, stopped worrying as much about whether she had time for a second job or not. She’s allowed to think it’s unfair. Because it is. It’s so, so unfair, not just to her— to Hannah too.
And Ethan. But she doesn’t want to think about that right now.
Lex rolls up a pair of Hannah’s overalls and tucks them into the duffel bag with more force than necessary. She should write him a note, at least. Disappearing with no warning is cruel enough— no note is even worse. And she doesn’t want him to worry, or god forbid, try to find them.
She stands, searching her desk for a pencil and a scrap of paper, trying not to think about what Ethan will think when he reads it. What his face will look like, what he’ll do, how he’ll feel. She bends down to look under her desk, blanking on where she last left her pencil case. She can’t focus.
“What are you doing?”
The voice from behind her makes Lex’s blood run cold. She jumps, turning around so sharply she bangs her head against the corner of the desk. “Ethan.”
He’s standing in the doorway, looking from her to the suitcase and back to her. He looks more confused than anything, his eyebrows furrowing as he begins to piece everything together.
“Ethan, I can explain,” She says hurriedly, trying to keep her voice low. The last thing she needs right now is for Hannah to wake up too.
“Where are you going?” He asks, then pauses, staring at the duffel bag. “Those are all Hannah’s clothes.”
“Ethan, I’m— I’m—“ She stops, completely at a loss for words. Her head throbs, thoughts either coming too fast for her to comprehend anything or not coming at all.
“Are you— are you leaving?” Ethan’s eyes widen as his gaze snaps back to her, knuckles going white around the doorknob.
“No,” she says weakly, the lie so obvious it’s painful. She looks at him like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, completely unable to keep the guilty look off her face despite her best efforts.
Ethan stares at her, his eyebrows knotted at the center of his forehead like he’s struggling to comprehend anything that’s being said to him. He doesn’t look mad, but Lex almost wishes he did. Anger would be easier to deal with than whatever combination of confusion and hurt and upset was playing across his face.
“Ethan…” she starts.
“Why?” he asks simply, his hand slipping off the doorknob and hanging limply at his side.
“It’s not safe,” Lex replies, her voice coming out hoarse and unbelievably exhausted. “For me and Hannah. We can’t stay here.”
“But… why not? We have,” Ethan gestures vaguely at the air, “All this.”
Lex sighs quietly, reaching for another of Hannah’s shirts, seeking something to do with her hands which have begun to tremble. “Look, those guys from the roller rink aren’t gonna leave us alone.”
Ethan almost looks incredulous, struggling to voice a flurry of disordered thoughts. “So you were just gonna leave in the middle of the night? Without telling me?”
Lex folds the shirt, refusing to look Ethan in the eyes as she smooths her fingers over the fabric before setting it neatly into the duffle bag. It’s the striped one, yellow and brown, one of Hannah’s favorites. “Yeah.”
“ Why, Lex ?” Ethan steps forward, voice raising. Lex winces, glancing past him to Hannah’s still closed door.
“Because,” she says carefully, her voice strained. “It’s what’s best for Hannah.”
“So you were just gonna leave me here? Alone?”
“It’s not about you, Ethan.”
Ethan throws up his hands, runs his fingers through his tangled hair. “Uh, I think I have a right to be angry that my girlfriend is running away without telling me. Did you even think at all about how it would make me feel?”
“Yes!” She snaps, because she did . Despite herself, she couldn’t wipe the thought of him waking up to an empty apartment out of her mind. She couldn’t stop herself from imagining how he’d react when he found the note, what he’d do for the rest of the day, and all the days after that. If he’d be able to move on.
“Did you? Did you think that maybe I’d want to come with you? Because I do! It’s what we’ve been planning this whole time, get out of here, make a life for ourselves—“
“You don’t get it,” she says quietly. Her fingernail catches on the soft cotton of another of Hannah’s shirts as she picks it up, all jagged with chipped black nail polish she doesn’t remember painting on. “We don’t get to have a life.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You realize they’re after Hannah’s power, right? Ethan, I don’t think either of us know what she’s truly capable of. But she’s in danger. We both are.”
“But…” Ethan leans his shoulder against the wall, looking unbelievably small despite his lanky frame almost filling up the entire doorway. “But why leave me here? I know I’m irresponsible, I know I fucked up, but— but we’ve always stuck together. It’s always worked out, right?”
“It’s not about that,” Lex scrubs a hand over her face, ignoring the sudden pressure behind her eyes and in her throat. “I don’t know where we’re going. I just know we have to run. We don’t get to have a life. But you do.”
“What if I don’t deserve to have a life?” Ethan says desperately, his pleading voice so unbearable she has to close her eyes against the threat of tears. “Lex, what happened to Hannah— it was my fault. If anyone’s responsible for this, it’s me.”
“You aren’t coming with us,” she says, quietly but firmly. She rolls up a pair of Hannah’s overalls and shoves them into the duffel bag, pinning her gaze on the blue denim instead of looking at Ethan. She might cry if she does, and now really isn’t the time.
“But—“
“Ethan, please.”
There’s a pause, and she can see the blurry shape of Ethan in her peripherals slump further against the wall, his head tipping forward slightly and his hand coming up to wipe slowly at his eyes. She folds another shirt, and a tear drips onto the fabric.
“You know, I was gonna propose to you.”
Her mouth goes dry. “What?”
“The other day, that’s what I was gonna ask you. I got a ring and everything.”
“Oh.” Her voice is barely a whisper. She wishes he would stop looking at her like that. Turn around, go back to bed, and forget any of this happened. She wishes he hadn’t woken up at all.
“Yeah.”
Lex still doesn’t look at him. She folds the last of Hannah’s clothes while he just stands there, gaze boring holes into the back of her head as she slowly zips up the duffel bag, the grating sound of the zipper cutting into the silence. She hoists it onto her shoulder, then leans down to pick up her backpack by the worn straps.
“Ethan,” she says as she turns to face him. He looks up, eyes shiny and lips pressed together in a thin, white line. “I need to go get Hannah now.”
He nods once, silently stepping aside to let her pass. She starts to head for the door, but stops in her tracks as Ethan steps forward, tentatively reaching out his arms. Lex hesitates, then lets him envelope her in a hug. He wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on her head as his heartbeat flutters against her cheek. Her own heart aches, tears pricking her eyes. She pulls away.
“Go get some sleep, Ethan.”
She walks past him and into the hall, heading for Hannah’s bedroom door. His voice sounds once more from behind her.
“I love you.”
She doesn’t turn around. “Love you too.”