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“John?” Arthur stood in the door frame watching him. John didn’t look back at him when he said his name.
Arthur walked in front of him, trying to get his attention. “Why you been acting all depressed lately?”
“I haven't.” He continued to fiddle with his fingers, it was a stupidly obvious lie, he didn’t want Arthur to waste his time worrying about him. How could he answer Arthur's question when he didn’t even know why he was feeling like this? It frustrated him.
“You think I ain’t notice?” Arthur sighed, “What's going on with you, Marston?”
He just wouldn't let go of it. John knew he wouldn’t let go of this now. Arthur never lets go of things easily.
He felt a dip into the bed, and Arthur's body brush against him. They sat in silence for a while, before John finally decided to say something. It wasn’t an answer, but it was something.
“You won’t judge me or anythin’?” He finally looked at Arthur, being met with his bluey-green eyes.
“No. ‘Course I won't.” Arthur put his hand on his thigh. John was surprised he asked him that, he knew Arthur probably wouldn’t — and he trusted him with his entire life — but he felt vulnerable for wanting to ask such a question.
“Can you hug me?” He asked.
“Really?” Arthur’s brows raised, surprised at his words. John never asked for things like that. “You want a hug?”
He didn’t deny him, though. “I mean, sure, if that's what you want.”
“C’mere.” Arthur put his hand over his shoulder, one underneath John’s arm. John did the same, burying his face into Arthur's neck.
“A long hug.” He clarified, making sure Arthur wouldn’t be pulling away in the next five seconds.
“Okay.” Arthur pulled him in tighter, not asking any further questions.
A few moments went by of them like that, John just embraced having Arthur’s warm body against his own, being able to be hugged for as long as he wanted.
“Arthur?” He whispered against Arthur's ear.
“Yes?”
John did a long pause before his response, quietly saying under his breath. “Do you ever miss them?”
Arthur paused for a bit, taking a second to understand what he was talking about. It didn’t take him long.
“Sometimes I do.”
There were bad moments — well, a lot, a lot of bad moments — but there were good moments. The most memorable one was during Sean’s party. Sure, they were in deep with the law, but at that point everyone was alive and well, mostly everyone. Arthur would never have thought that just a month after throwing a party for Sean, his brains would end up splattered across dirt, and everything would officially start falling into pieces.
He understood how John felt with that simple question, Arthur was the only one he had left that would understand the weight he carried on his shoulders, the weight they both carried on their shoulders. So many years had gone past, but the way they all used to talk to each other, it all seemed so unreal now.