Chapter Text
12:37 PM-Wednesday
Dazai added 5+ to groupchat
Dazai renamed groupchat to Dazai Osamu's Wonderful Minions
Dazai: Bonjour
Kunikida: No.
Kunikida left Dazai Osamu's Wonderful Minions
Dazai: Oh no you don't you old geezer
Dazai added Kunikida to Dazai Osamu's Wonderful Minions
Kunikida: Shoot me.
Yosano: I didnt know you were ppretending to be Dazai today
Kunikida: Your spelling mistakes are truly appalling.
Yosano: *You're
Atsushi: It was right the first time?!?!
Yosano: Do not fuck with me you furry
Atsushi: Excuse me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Dazai: GUYS YOU ARE GETTING SIDETRACKED FROM MY ORIGINAL POINT
Kyouka: Iwsunawaresyouhdenoufcapstyfrthoufts
Tanizaki: Uhhh
Yosano: Space button honey.
Kyouka: Spce?
Kunikida: The name of this, 'groupchat' is making me distinctly uncomfortable.
Yosano: Dazais Minions wtf you whore
Dazai: It looks to me like you lost an apostrophe point
Yosano: Bitch I didn't even know u could spell apostruphy
Dazai: I am a man of many talents
Dazai ;)
Kyouka: Gross
Tanizaki: I must say I agree
Ranpo: WHAT IS THIS I SEE
Poe: Caps locks darling.
Atsushi: WHAT IS A GUILD MEMBER DOING HERE
Ranpo: Former
Dazai: Hes harmless
Yosano: UPOSTRPHY
Yosano: APUSTRPHE
Yosano: APOSTRHY
Yosano: APOSTROPHE FUCK MY LIFE
Kyouka: thatwasdrmatic
Kunikida: To put it lightly
Atsushi: I feel like we're missing the point here
Tanizaki: I was unaware there was a point?
Dazai: THERE IS AND I WAS GOING TO SAY IT BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTEWURPTED
Kunikida: *interrupted
Yosano: Guess what! We dont care
Dazai: :'(
Yosano: :o
Atsushi: Dazai I care about what you were going to say
Dazai: This is why I like you bettwer then Akutgawa
Ranpo: Wooooaaaaaaah
Yosano: The slander??!!
Ranpo: For realsies?
Kunikida: Wait, why are we talking about the Port Mafia?
Dazai: THIS DIRECTLY CORRELATES TO MY POINT FYI
Kyouka: BcaseDazisladeedAksagwa
Kunikida: I apolagize, I am unable to understand your meaning
Kyouka: Fuck
Yosano: YOUNG LADY
Yosano: Good job
Kyouka: Thumbs up
Atsushi: ...
Atsushi: Do you know how to use emoji's?
Ranpo: EMOJI- A PICTOGRAM, LOGOGRAM, IDEOGRAM, OR SMILEY EMBEDDED IN THE TEXT AND USED IN ELECTRONIC MESSAGES AND WEB PAGES
Dazai: Huh?
Poe: Ignore him, he lost the wordle to 'Emoji'
Yosano: I camt decide whether to be more suprised this bitch lost wordle before, or the fact he didnt mess up a single word in that entirely capslixed text.
Ranpo: :3
Kunikida: How did you manage to spell capitilized with an x?
Yosano: I will break that fancy fountain pen you got directly from that rich American company that cost half your yearly salary.
Kunikida: ...
Ranpo: Girl you gaaaaaggggggedddd him
Yosano: Cheers mate
Kyouka: Idontundstand
Atsushi: It's wierd internet slang, don't bother
Kunikida: *Weird
Tanizaki: I think Dazai had a point
Yosano: Jesus fuck.
Dazai: THANK YOU TANIZAKI?!?!?! THE DISRESPECT AROUND HERE?
Kyouka: Hypocrite
Dazai: LE GASP?
Yosano: Im always up for insulting Dazai
Kunikida: ...
Yosano: Go on bitch.
Kunikida: ...
Kunikida: No.
Ranpo: You're such a stickler Mr. Kunikida
Kunikida left Dazai Osamu's Wonderful Minions
Ranpo: Bro got bullied into submission
Dazai: Jesus fucking christ
Dazai added Kunikida to Dazai Osamu's Wonderful Minions
Kunikida: Let me leave
Dazai: Ofc Mr. Kunikida sir! Lemme just open the door and lay on the floor so your shoes remain spotless
Tanizaki: Dude
Tanzaki: Its not that deep
Ranpo: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
Dazai: THATS WHAT SHE SAID
Yosano: Children these days
Ranpo: You literally just deleted the same message
Yosano: :O
Atsushi: guys...
Kyouka: yessushi
Atsushi: What if Dazai actually had an important point? We shouldn't just ignore him
Dazai: PREACH BABY
Atsushi: I might stand to reclaim that statement
Dazai: NO BABY
Ranpo: Hes literally fine don't worry furry
Ranpo: HAHAHAHAHA THAT RHYMED
Yosano: He's worrying and furrying
Ranpo: Me and you are on the same wavelegnth
Yosano: YESSSSSSSSSS
Poe: Why am I here again?
Tanizaki: I ask myself the same question daily
Kyouka: Whnursg\terismolectingu?
Tanizaki: I'm not even gonna try to understand that
Dazai: SOMEONE PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME
Kunikida: DAZAI YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING AND INSTEAD YOU CREATED THIS 'CHAT' AND NOW WE ARE ALL SLACKING FROM OUR RESPONSIBILITIES!
Dazai: FUCK THE PATRIARCHY
Yosano: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PATRIARCHY
Ranpo: PATRIARCHY- A SYSTEM OF SOCIETY OR GOVERNMENT IN WHICH THE FATHER OR ELDEST MALE IS HEAD OF THE FAMILY AND DESCENT IS TRACED THROUGH THE MALE LINE
Poe: You're very smart dear Ranpo
Ranpo: I know I am ;D
Atsushi: Wait is that what patriarchy actually means?
Ranpo: Are you doubting my capabilities?
Atsushi: No I'm just stupid!
Ranpo: Good
Kyouka: urntstdupod
Atsushi: ...
Atsushi: I feel like that was supposed to be comforting
Dazai: I STG NONE OF YALL CHEAPSTAKES WILL LISTEN TO ME
Yosano: CHEAPSTAKE?
Ranpo: THE NERVE
Kyouka: Whore
Kunikida: Ok Dazai
Atsushi: Umm guys
Tanizaki: No fighting pls
Poe: I am quite literally a multibillionare.
Dazai: ...
Yosano: ...
Ranpo: ...
Kyouka: ...
Kunikida: ...
Atsushi: ...
Tanizaki: ...
Poe: I thought you knew that Ranpo?
Ranpo: I just wanted to do the dots
Yosano: WHAT THE FUCK??
Kunikida: thats more the ten times my entire networth
Dazai: Not the proper grammer being scared out of Kunikida
Tanizaki: Billionare. You didn't mean millionare or...
Poe: Nope, Billionare! The Master Architect position pays handsomely in the guild!
Yosano: Kunikida i'm quitting. Where the fuck did you find this man?
Ranpo: Ok first of all, he has been obsessed with me for like, the past ten years now
Ranpo: Secondly America.
Poe: ummm
Atsushi: Master Poe? Can I work for you? Please? Pretty please?
Dazai: ATSUSHI? THE BETRAYAL?
Atsushi: YOU ARE IN THE METAPHORICAL PRESCENSE OF A MONEY LORD. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN
Yosano: DAMN ATSUSHI
Poe: errrr
Tanizaki: Get his ass
Dazai: WHAT WAS THAT
Tanizaki: We should all totally listen to Dazai hahahahahaha totes
Kyouka: humus
Kunikida: Do you desire humus Kyouka?
Kyouka: HUMUS
Yosano: Im gonna go out on a limb and assume she doesn't mean humus
Kyouka: HUMUS
Kyouka: HUMUS
Kyouka: HUMOROUS
Ranpo: There we go that wasnt too hard!
Kyouka: Kys
Yosano: Whats it finna play... WOOOOOOOAH
Dazai: GLADLY SOMEONE LEND ME A GUN
Kunikida: DAZAI NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES
Atsushi: We should still listen to Dazai...
Tanizaki: You do not get to say that after your insults
Atsushi: ...
Dazai: WHO SAID I WAS FUCKING JOKING
Ranpo: YOU'RE A FAILURE
Dazai: YOU'RE A DISSAPOINTMENT
Ranpo: DO NOT MAKE ME SAY IT DAZAI TSUSHIMA OSAMU
Dazai: FUCK YOU
Yosano: Well that just happened
Atsushi: Tsushima?
Dazai: Atsushi you are still my favourite but that can be tipped extremely quickly
Kunikida: PROPER GRAMMAR JESUS!
Dazai: FUCK ALL OF Y'ALL
Yosano removed Dazai from Admin
Yosano renamed groupchat to Humus
Yosano: Wonderful
Dazai: NOOOO DAZAIS WONDERFUL MINIONS
Dazai: WAIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET ADMIN
Yosano: A magician never reveals there secrets
Ranpo: I totally didn't help her
Dazai: BRIBERY BRIBERY I SAY
Kunikida: Dazai I will give you a painful death if you don't say your point right now so we can get back to work.
Atsushi: That, but less violently!
Dazai: I'VE BEEN TRYING
Tanizaki: And failing
Ranpo: he seems to do that a lot
Dazai: SLANDER
Yosano: THIS IS WHAT KARMA FEELS LIKE
Kyouka: Karmasibrfend
Kunikida: Dazai...
Dazai: FUCKING HEELLL
Dazai: ALL I WANTED TO SAY
Dazai: THIS ENTIRE TIME
Dazai: WAS
Ranpo: ooooo so climatic
Atsushi: Please shush Ranpo
Yosano: This but violently
Ranpo: I have been betrayed
Atsushi: Karma
Dazai: WAS
Dazai: WAS
Dazai: WAS
Tanizaki: Get to the point
Dazai: WAS
Kyouka: hisisgdnubfbeanticssmatec
Ranpo: So for real
Yosano: You know what shes saying?
Ranpo: A magician never reveals his secrets.
Kunikida: EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP
Dazai: WAS
Dazai: ...
Dazai: ...
Dazai: I'm inviting the Port Mafia to this groupchat
Tanizaki: NO WHAT THE FUCK?
Yosano: OMG YASSS
Ranpo: Really? All that for this
Atsushi: DAZAI PLEASE NO
Kunikida: DAZAI THIS IS NOT LEGALLY SOUND
Kyouka: HGVCFJTDXRGFUYIHLBUKUGVYJCFTGV
Ranpo: That one I'm certain was a keyboard smash
Dazai: All right here goes nothing
.
.
.
.
.
Ranpo: You forget Yosano is now the admin.
Dazai: FLYING FUCKNUGGETS YOSANO
Yosano: One step ahead of you
Atsushi: NO YOSANO
Kunikida: YOSANOOOOOO
Yosano added 5+ contacts to Humus
Chuuya: Ok now what the fuck
Tachihara: I could not agree more
Kouyou: It apears we dont belong here
Yosano: OMG IT'S THE HOT ONE
Kouyou: ...
Chuuya: OK NOW WHAT THE FUCK
Gin: No comment
Higuchi: SENPAIIIIIIIIII
Akutagawa: Goodness Gracious
Atsushi: Did you genuinly just say Goodness gracious and mean it?
Akutagawa: WERETIGERRRRRRRRRRR
Atsushi: STOP CALLING ME THAT FUCK
Akutagawa: DAZAI SENSEIIIIIIIII
Dazai: Did you have to invite him?
Akutagawa: I-
Chuuya: OI YOU BANDAGED BASTARD STOP BEING A HOE TO MY SUBOURDINATES
Dazai: OMG IT'S CHUUYA?!?!?! I almost didn't see you down there, considering your so short
Chuuya: SAY THAT AGAIN TO MY FACE YOU SUICIDAL FREAK
Dazai: Slug
Chuuya: MACKAREL
Dazai: Dog
Chuuya: TACKY ASSHOLE
Dazai: Petit Mafia
Chuuya: I'M NOT FUCKING SHORT
Dazai: Evidence implies otherwise
Tanizaki: OK BEFORE AN ANGRY MAFIA EXECUTIVE COMES CRASHING DOWN OUR DOORSTEP, HOW ABOUT WE STOP? STOPPING SOUNDS NICE
Tachihara: who the actual fuck are you
Tanizaki: THE ILLUSION ONE? THE ONE WHO DIVERTED Y'ALLS ATTENTION THAT ONE TIME
Tachihara: I don't recall.
Gin: That happened?
Higuchi: ofc not. Akutagawa would never allow such a thing.
Atsushi: HE WASN'T EVEN THERE?
Akutagawa: FUCK YOU WERETIGER
Atsushi: FUCK YOU!?!?!
Dazai: We get it, y'all wanna fuck. Theres no need to release your sexual tension over text.
Atsushi: ...
Akutagawa: ...
Higuchi: SENSEIIII??????
Gin: ...
Tanizaki: ...
Chuuya: ...
Kouoyu: Why are we doing dots?
Yosano: Just go with it.
Yosano: ...
Kouyou: ...
Kunikida: DAZAIIIIIIII
Kyouka: ...
Ranpo: ...
Poe: ...
Atsushi: OK DAZAI YOUR GENUINLY OFF THE DEEP END
Akutagawa: HORNY? DID YOU JUST SAY WERE HORNY
Higuchi: SENPAIIIIII TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUEEEEEEE
Tachihara: Wait who the fuck is Poe
Yosano: Ranpo's multi billionare Boyfriend. Hes harmless
Poe: Oh umm I umm
Ranpo: We aren't dating
Yosano: Yet...
Ranpo: Why did I imagine you waggling your eyebrows?
Yosano: Porbaly cause I was
Dazai: I'M JUST SAYING Y'ALL NEED TO BONE
Atsushi: YOU ARE SO HYPOCRITICAL RIGHT NOW I CANT EVEN
Akutagawa: FUCK YOU WERETIGER DON'T INSULT DAZAI
Atsushi: HE JUST IMPLIED WE WANT TO HAVE SEX I'M GOING TO INSULT HIM AS MUCH AS I WANT
Dazai: HOW AM I BEING HYPOCRITICAL? I'M JUST SAYING HOW I SEE IT!
Higuchi: TELL MEE IT ISNT TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Atsushi: 'OH YOUR MY DOG! OH I'M GOING TO MENTION HOW MUCH I HATE YOU CONSTANTLY! OH I'M GONNA MAKE A WHOLE GROUPCHAT TO TALK TO YOU' SOUNDS HYPOCRITICAL TO ME
Chuuya: The fuck? You talking about me?
Dazai: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW DON'T IMPLY THERES SOMETHINGF BETWEEN ME AND MY DOG EVERRRRRR THAT DISGUSTING ATSUSHI
Chuuya: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL I'M NOT YOUR DOG
Kyouka: Theryallhoendybitchas
Kouyou: Indeed deary
Tanizaki: You can understand what she's typing?
Kouyou: Ofc I can side character
Tanizaki: Damn that hurt.
Atsushi: THAT'S HOW I FELT WHEN YOU IMPLIED THAT ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING IMPLICATION
Akutagawa: YEAH
Gin: Way to hop on the bandwagon brother
Atsushi: ...
Tanizaki: ...
Kunikida: ...
Yosano: ...
Atsushi: YOU GUYS ARE BROTHERS????
Akutagawa: Gin's my little sister...
Tanizaki: Ok man wtf
Gin: If it makes you feel better Higuchi found out about this a couple weeks ago
Higuchi: LEAVE ME ALONE I'M STILL WALLOWING IN DEPRESSION
Akutagawa: JESUS HIGUCHI I DONT WANNA FUCK THE WERETIGER
Atsushi: WELL I DONT WANNA FUCK YOU EITHER
Akutagawa: IM GLAD THAT'S ESTABLISHED
Atsushi: ME TOO
Ranpo: Anyone want popcorn?
Yosano: No, you like yours drenched in way to much butter.
Poe: I would share popcorn with you dearest Ranpo!
Ranpo: You're my favourite.
Tanizakai: Well Poe's down.
Tachihara: I'm genuinly so confused right now
Tanizaki: It comes with the background of being an unimportant side character
Tachihara: Wow.
Higuchi: I have been magically cured of depression.
Akutagawa: Wonderful.
Higuchi: THANK YOU AKUTAGAWA SENPAIIIIIIIIII
Dazai: I belive this is how Akutagawa acted when I was training him
Atsushi: REALLY?!?!
Akutagawa: No. No it was not
Dazai: Whatever you say
Atsushi: Honestly I belive it.
Akutagawa: I HATE YOU JINKO
Atsushi: FEELINGS MUTUAL
Yosano: Here they go again
Kouyou: I can't beilive we are surrounded by dumbasses
Yosano: Aww i'm flattered
Kyouka: stpfrtingnfrntofmyvrgineybals
Kouyou: KYOUKA
Kouyou: Mind you tongue
Kouyou: Eyeroll
Chuuya: Not the rebellious teenager phase
Kouyou: I recall you went through the same thing?
Chuuya: Dont remind me
Dazai: OH YES I REMEMBER YOUR LEATHER JACKET ERA
Chuuya: FUCK OFF YOU DEGENERATE WOMANIZER
Dazai: I RECALL THERE WERE SPIKES ON THE SHOULDERS?
Chuuya: SAYS THE ONE WHO COVERED HIS EYEBALL LIKE AN EMO FREAKAZOID
Dazai: YOU WENT AROUND DRIVING A MOTOR CYCLE LIKE A GODAMN BIKER BOY IT WAS HILARIOUS
Gin: I stg this chat will never survive
Yosano: Do not underestimate cockroaches
Kouyou: You calling me a cockroach?
Yosano: The lovliest of all cockroaches.
Tanizaki: I think I just threw up a little
Atsushi: I don't wan't to be a cockroach
Akutagawa: TOUGH SHIT
Atsushi: OH YOU ASSHOLE
Chuuya: REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME ON THAT ONE MISSION
Dazai: NO DOGGY YOU SAID YOU WOULD FORGET THAT
Chuuya: I'M NOT YOUR DOG
Dazai: THEN WHY DO YOU WEAR A COLLAR???
Chuuya: It's not a STOP SIDE STRACKING ME
Dazai: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING
Chuuya: FUCK YOU
Dazai: FUCK YOU
Atsushi: i want to do somethign morally questionable
Akutagawa: Jinko dont say it
Atsushi: GET A ROOOOOOOMMMMMMM
Chuuya: ...
Dazai: ...
Kunikida: There goes the last hope for peace
Ranpo: Last chance for popcorn.
Kyouka: Emsftinallycssdopaedbasrasts.
Kouyou: language
Chuuya: I'LL GET A ROOM ALL RIGHT A ROOM TO BEAT THIS BASTARD BLACK AND BLUE
Dazai: Oooooooo Slug is kinkyyyyyyy
Chuuya: WHAT THE ACTAL HELL YOU PERVERT
Dazai: PERVERT???!?!?!
Chuuya: PRETENTIOUS STUCK UP WANNA BE PRICKISH PRISSY BASTARD
Dazai: HAT RACK. MIDGET. DOGGY
Chuuya: I AM NOT TINY
Dazai: I mean, you said it not me
Chuuya: YOU JUST CALLED ME A MIDGET
Dazai: Sound slike your calling youself a midget.
Chuuya: AGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Akutagawa: See. Look what you did. Shame on you Jinko
Atsushi: Fuck you i'm entertained. Ranpo I would enjoy some imaginary popcorn
Ranpo: Si ofc
Tachihara: Why would you inflict this upon us
Atsushi: Cause I don't like you
Tachihara: WOWWWWWW
Tanizaki: Get his ass Atsushi
Ranpo: That's what he said.
Yosano: 10/10
Kouyou: You're so immature
Yosano: Sorry momm- mother.
Kyouka: BTCH
Dazai: OOOOO IS THE DOGGY ANGY
Chuuya: BANDAGED BASTARD. I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND ANYONE TO COMMIT A DOUBLE SUICIDE WITH YOU
Dazai: CHUUYA MY SOUL YOU WOUND ME
Chuuya: GOOD! ITS WORKING!
Gin: Why is this chat names Humus btw?
Atsushi: Cause Kyouka can't spell
Kyouka: Risswde
Atsushi: Case in point
Higuchi: SENPAIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Akutagawa: What is it Higuchi
Higuchi: Oh, umm nothing
Akutagawa: AGHHHHHHHHHHH
Dazai: I HOPE YOU CRASH WHILE RIDING YOUR MOTORCYCLE
Chuuya: I HOPE YOU BLEED OUT. FROM A STOMACH WOUND
Dazai: Eww thats a painful death
Chuuya: MY POINT EXACTLY
Dazai: Chuuya's just angry that he will never be able to compare to my beauty
Chuuya: Did your autocorrect change beauty to disgustingness?
Dazai: Did autocorect change the height on your drivers licence Chuuya? or was that you just being insecure?
Chuuya: FUCK YOU
Tachihara: Really?
Kouyou: His liscense says hes 5'9
Gin: Thats priceless.
Akutagawa: Ha ha ha
Atsushi: You laugh like a 80 year old man with lung cancer
Akutagawa: WE'RE TEXTING
Atsushi: I CAN TELL THROUGH THE SCREEN
Tanizaki: Changing the subject before the children begin fighting again
Tanizaki: Wheres Kunikida?
Ranpo: Oh he went back to doing work ages ago
Yosano: I bet he muted the chat
Gin: Smart, Smart.
Atsushi: You can do that?
Akutagawa: Of course you can Jinko, stop being obtuse.
Atsushi: Fuck you triangle
Yosano: Waaaaaaaaaat
Ranpo: Say what now?
Dazai: I'm regretting my life choices
Chuuya: Oh i'll make you regret your life choices you sonuva
Atsushi: Yeah? He called me that angle thingamajig
Akutagwa: Curse peasents and there unrefined vocabularies
Kouyou: That I must agree with
Yosano: Hey I take offense to that!
Ranpo: It's ok, not everyone can fall for your lesbian charms
Yosano: RIP me
Kyouka: Fckmslide
Ranpo: preach
Higuchi: I see! The Weretiger is no match for the competence of Ryu!
Akutagawa: Please dont call me that
Atsushi: YOU FORGOT AN APOSTROPHE DUMB BITCH
Akutagawa: DIE IN A DITCH JINKO
Dazai: This is the most entertainment I've had in a while
Yosano: For real
Ranpo: Poe I desire a chocolate bar
Poe: Of cours dearest Ranpo!
Gin: I feel like this man is being used
Ranpo: The actual audacity
Tanizaki: I feel like Kunikida is going to eat us alive
Tachihara: WE DONT CARE
Chuuya: The Zakihara beef is so real
Yosano: THAT'S WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING?
Ranpo: i have aquired a candy bar
Poe: Was that enough?
Dazai: I need myself free chocolate
Chuuya: Remember that one time-
Dazai: No. No we do not remember that one time.
Akutagawa: What time?
Yosano: OoOoO now i'm curious
Ranpo: I would say im curious, but im not. I already know
Dazai: Fucker
Ranpo: :O
Ranpo: Poe I need more chocolate
Poe: Yes dearest Ranpo
Tachihara: Around his godamn finger
Tanizaki: Thats not the only thing around his finger
Tachihara: WOAH?????????
Ranpo: I'm going to choose to ignore that
Tanizaki: Yeah that's probs for the best
Atsushi: Do not let Dazai wiggle his way out of this one
Gin: The furry speaks truth
Atsushi: Jesus i'm not a furry
Kouyou: Shall I release the list?
Kyouka: wradnreadyaware
Yosano: PLEASE MILF
Ranpo: I'm not sure how long I can defend you
Dazai: YOSANO AKIKO?
Chuuya: THAT"S MY SISTER?
Higuchi: WHAT THE FUCK REALLY?
Tanizaki: Wait, why is everyone suddenly related
Tachihara: There not actually related
Tanizaki: ???
Atsushi: GUYS DAZAI IS WIGGLING HIS WAY OUT OF STORYTIME
Dazai: ATSUSHI STOP IT OR AKUTAGAWA'S MY FAVOURITE
Akutagawa: Really?
Dazai: no.
Tanizaki: I felt that in my soul
Ranpo: Lollipop
Poe: Happy to help
Tachihara: Need me a billionare
Atsushi: CHUUYA PLEASE TELL THE STORY
Chuuya: EHHHHH WHAT STORY
Atsushi: Fuck it I don't give a shit anymore
Gin: Furry
Atsushi: I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY
Yosano: HOLY SPIRIT ACTIVATE
Ranpo: HOLY SPIRIT ACTIVATE
Kunikida: I am surrounded by idiots.
Atsushi: Oh hey Mr. Kunikida is back
Higuchi: WAS THAT A LION KING REFERENCE?
Kunikida: Maybe?
Higuchi: I FUCKING LOVE LION KING
Kouyou: Higuchi we talked about this
Higuchi: Screw you were watching Lion King next movie night!
Tanizaki: Ok that's not fair, I want ADA regulated movie nights
Tachihara: No you dont
Tanizaki: ???
Kyouka: evrtsonegetsdrunsk
Ranpo: Damn that sounds fun
Yosano: WHAT DID SHE SAY
Kouyou: For lack of better words, we get... wasted.
Yosano: OH FUCK EVERYONE I'LL GO BACK TO THE PORT MAFIA FOR DRUGS AND HOT WOMEN
Higuchi: ...
Kyouka: ...
Atsushi: ...
Akutagawa: ...
Chuuya: ...
Tanizaki: ...
Tachihara: ...
Gin: ...
Poe: Why are we dotting?
Yosano: Good question
Atsushi: YOU WERE IN THE PORT MAFIA TOO?
Kunikida: ARE WE A COLLECTION OF MAFIA DROPOUTS NOW
Kunikida: ATSUSHI GOT ANYTHING TO TELL ME?
Atsushi: NO MR. KUNIKIDA
Tanizaki: Damn. You think you know a girl.
Ranpo: Can I just say
Ranpo: I knew that.
Poe: You know everything dear
Ranpo: Hell yeah i know everything
Yosano: Poe is literally just Ranpo's walking ego booster
Dazai: Hey I also knew
Chuuya: Omg shocking I didn't know you could do that
Dazai: Says the the muscle
Chuuya: BRANIAC
Tachihara: Are they even insulting eachother anymore?
Gin: Hard to tell
Akutagawa: Why wouldn't they be insulting eachother?
Kouyou: Sexual tension love, you wouldn't understand
Kyouka: casseuhesbliovsaf
Kouyou: My dear that I cannot deny
Akutagawa: WHAT DID SHE SAY
Akutagawa: ARE YOU INSULTING ME
Kyouka: Bish
Akutagawa: Fuck
Akutagawa: me
Atsushi:: DIDNT KNOW YOU SWUNG THAT WAY COATHANGER
Akutagawa: Did you just refer to me as a coathanger?
Yosano: Love him for not mentioning the other part
Akutagawa: What other part
Kyouka: Irestmycase
Kouyou: good job deary, the peasants can actually understand you this time
Yosano: It's ok I like em mean
Ranpo: Yosano i stg
Tachihara: What is my life
Tanizaki: Pain.
Tanizaki: Misery
Tanizaki: Agony
Kunikida: You know what
Kunikida: Fuck this
Kunikida: Stop texting and do you work otherwise I'm adding Mori
Chuuya: OH FUCK
Dazai: ABORT ABORT
Yosano: FLY AWAY
Gin: RUN LIKE THE WIND
Akutagawa: Not the boss.
Atsushi: I'M GETTING THE PAPERS YOU ASKED ME TO I SWEAR
Kouyou: This might be an overeaction
Chuuya: PLEASE LEAVE
Kyouka: VGCYFXTDHTJUCFIYGVUOBHJIKCGFTBHJNMK
Ranpo: That was another Keyboard smash
Yosano: WAIT WE'RE FINE I HAVE ADMIN
Dazai: OH THANK THE LORDY LORD
Gin: We are saved
Ranpo: errmmm
Yosano: EDOGAWA RANPO
Ranpo: Look he told me I was amazing and gave me the day off. Fuck all of yall
Yosano: OH SHIT I DONT HAVE ADMIN ANYMORE
Higuchi: We're so many levels of fucked.
Kunikida: 5
Tachihara: SHIT
Kunikida: 4
Tanizaki: Nice knowing ya
Dazai: The feeling is not mutual
Kunikida: 3
Tanizaki: What the actuall hell man
Kunikida: 2
Dazai: You spelled actual wrong
Tanizaki: NERD
Kunikida: 1
Chuuya: GUYS FUCKING STOP CHATTING NOW
Dazai: Doggy
Kunikida added Mori Ougai to Humus
Mori: Hello?
Mori: Is the the associates meeting?
Mori: I dont know any of your numbers F Y I
Chuuya: JESUS CHRIST BOSS
Mori: Oh hello Chuuya
Chuuya: Please never say fyi ever again
Akutagawa: I'm crumbling to dust
Gin: Word
Mori: Who are you?
Higuchi: Ok man what the hell
Mori: I have none of your numbers saved
Dazai: WHY DID YOU HAVE CHUUYA'S NUMBER
Mori: OMG is that Dazai
Chuuya: Oh my fucking god
Dazai: FUUUUUCKKKK
Kouyou: Mori has his executives numbers saved for when we are in the middle of combat and need to relay information fast
Yosano: I cannot belive the perv Mafia Boss got your number before me
Kouyou: I apologize for the inconvienience?
Yosano: Mori I'm gonna stick my fist so far up your ass it comes out of your mouth I stg
Mori: Oh it's Yosano! You should rejoin the Mafia!
Yosano: FUCK YOU
Atsushi: Wait, I never had half of your numbers, why were your contacts already named?
Yosano: It's a setting thing, idk
Atsushi: Huh
Dazai: KUNIKIDA PLS KICK HIM
Kunikida: WORK
Dazai: FINE
Mori: Wait-
Kunikida removed Mori Ougai from Humus
Kunikida: I will add him back the moment I hear another text message.
Kunikida: Don't fuck with me.
1:45 PM-Wednesday
Kenji: What did I miss guys?
Kunikida added Mori Ougai to Humus
Chuuya: FUCK