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Getting dressed in front of a mirror was a bad idea.
She knew that, obviously. But, well, she wanted to look good for tonight. Staring at herself, it was a wonder she ever even thought that was possible to begin with. Her shoulders jutted out far too wide and her face was far too square and jagged and she could see the bump of her adam’s apple. She was a deer-hybrid – and as proud of her hybrid status she was – she hated the thick, dark hair that crawled over her skin. The dress was so cute when she picked it out, but now, she felt so much like a boy playing pretend.
She forced herself to look away. She shouldn’t dwell on the negative thoughts. Tonight was going to be a great night! She was going to be with Pearl, watching movies and eating dinner. Pearl – her amazing girlfriend and also her greatest source of gender envy. She couldn’t help it. Pearl looked so pretty and amazing and even though she was tall for a woman and sometimes wore masculine clothes like suits – was still so undeniably feminine. Pearl – who she had been dating for a few weeks now – and still didn’t know Gem was trans.
Logically, Gem knew it would be fine. She wasn’t the only trans hermit, plenty of others were out and everyone supported them, but the idea of telling Pearl still made her heart twinge with fear. She had come so far and had been stealth for so long, the idea of someone else knowing? It was terrifying. But, it was Pearl. Pearl who was the most understanding and caring person ever. It would be okay. She had to keep telling herself that.
She finished the last details on her hair and make-up, took a deep breath, and sent Pearl a text.
It was several hours later and all her previous worries had floated out of her mind. It was so, so, so easy to forget when Pearl was right there and laughing with her and reminding Gem how beautiful she was. Her nails were painted and they were rewatching Legally Blonde and they were lazing about on the sofa, messy paper plates discarded on some coffee table – and just doing that, she felt so much like a girl her heart could burst. She turned to Pearl and Pearl turned to her, smiling.
“May I request a kiss?” she asked in her sweetest voice, leaning over.
“You may always request a kiss, Gem!” Pearl said, pulling her over the rest of the distance and bringing their lips together.
It was far from the first time they’d kissed, but it still felt surreal. Pearl’s lips were so soft against hers, brushing so gently, like fingers tracing along antique pottery. Gem buried her hands in Pearl’s silky hair and melted into her, opening her mouth and pressing as close as she could. Pearl reciprocated, deepening the kiss. They continued, somewhere along the way Pearl pausing the TV, so the room was filled only with their soft hums and moans and gasps. Gem brought one of her hands to Pearl’s waist, holding her. In return, Pearl rested a hand on Gem’s thigh, stroking up and down.
Gem stiffened and pulled back, “Wait, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Pearl paused, “Do you want me to stop what I’m doing?” It was a genuine question.
“No, it’s fine. It’s lovely, actually! I just… need you to listen.”
Pearl nodded and stared at Gem, waiting.
This was so much more nerve-wracking than she thought it’d be, “I- I’m transgender. As in, a trans girl. And I haven’t like, taken any hormones or had any surgeries or anything. I just… thought you should know.”
Pearl blinked and then smiled, sweetly, “Well, thank you for telling me. Y’know, Gem, I’m a trans girl too! And even if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect a thing. I love you for you, not for some body parts. And, if something I do ever makes you dysphoric, just ask me to stop, m’kay?”
Gem stared, having so much to take in. She felt like she was tearing up, “You’re trans as well?”
It almost felt impossible to believe. But as she took in the sight of her girlfriend, beautiful and confident and glowing with affection, Gem had no doubt she was telling the truth. And knowing Pearl truly understood her, in a way she had believed her partner never would… it made everything feel so much more possible. She hugged Pearl.
“Aw, Gem! I am indeed, and it’s lovely to know my girlfriend is too,” Pearl smiled and buried her face into Gem's hair. Gem felt like she was going to explode out of… something. Something positive, for sure.
“Can we just cuddle for a bit?” Gem asked, still desperately, desperately, in love with Pearl. More than ever before, even. But, right now, she didn’t feel like kissing.
“I have no complaints,” Pearl said, squeezing her girlfriend tight.