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“I take particular note of anyone's weaknesses.”
It was a thought that had crossed her mind many times before. Though this was her first time saying it aloud, she knew it to be true. In fact, she often prided herself on it, something that set her above other thieves, made her cleverer.
So she didn’t know why the statement startled her so much.
Her mouth blabbered on, a stream of sharp words that were kind of awful but true (at least she thought so), but her mind stayed on her words. “I take particular note of anyone’s weaknesses” played over and over until it filled her mind.
After a minute, it hit her.
The Doctor’s Weakness, she clarified to herself, I was just taking note of the Doctor’s weakness. Clara is the Doctor’s weakness. Only his. The only people who have even heard of Clara are me and him. And she is not my weakness. Certainly not.
She told herself this over and over.
The only reason she reread bits in her diaries about Clara again and again was so she could get a sense of what the girl was like. The only reason an image of Clara’s face stuck in her mind even as everything else faded was so she could recognize the other girl if need be. The only reason she smiled whenever she thought of Clara was because she understood her, so Lady Me would be able to control her, and through her the Doctor (if she ever needed to).
Yes, the only reason.
(Reading about how Clara talked to the Mire so calmly did not fill her with admiration. Thinking about their conversations did not fill her with warmth. And Clara’s smile did not make her heart beat so fast she could hardly breathe.)
(She did not feel anything for Clara. No. That would be stupid. It had been years since they had seen each other. Even so, she didn’t want to feel anything. She was just her. Singular, unattached, alone.)
The words ran through her head. Ran and ran and ran until Lady Me was convinced.
The only reason the name Clara meant anything was because she was the Doctor’s weakness. Lady Me was entirely certain.
And yet… If there was one thing she had learned in her many years, it was that nothing it entirely certain.