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No one told Kou having a boyfriend would be so much work.
It’s work he enjoys, of course, but work is still work. He likes exorcism too, but that doesn’t stop the ache in his shoulders after using Raiteijou for so long. It’s all he wants to do with his life, but he still walks away from missions with cuts and bruises. Kinda like how he loves Mitsuba, but being his boyfriend is, frankly, exhausting.
He makes it exhausting for himself, so he can’t really complain. Mitsuba doesn’t ask him to open every door for him, but Kou insists on it. He doesn’t ask Kou to plan all their dates, but Kou likes to impress him. Kou likes to spoil his boyfriend, and Mitsuba likes to be spoiled. They have a system, and it works out great for both of them. So no problem, right?
Wrong. Mitsuba is impossible to please. Kou gives him a flower, he wants a whole bouquet. Kou buys him dinner, he wants a more upscale place next time. Kou gives him one kiss, he wants another (which usually involves just staring at Kou until he gets the message, because he’s too damn stubborn to just ask ). Turns out, spoiling your boyfriend only makes him want to be spoiled more.
He knows Mitsuba is probably just excited, he’s never really been taken care of before and he appreciates the special treatment. Besides, Kou makes sure to bully him enough to make up for it, just so he doesn’t get too cocky. As much as he enjoys spoiling Mitsuba, he might like bullying him even more. He’ll add that to the list of things to bring up with a future therapist.
Logically, he knows he’s overcompensating for a lot here. His clan always prioritized masculinity above all other attributes, so being forced to stay home and do housework really screwed up his self-image. He knows housework isn’t only for women, but the men in his clan sure viewed it that way (despite how adamantly Teru claimed not to), so he grew up feeling inferior. More shit to take to a therapist. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy cooking, but he never felt suited for femininity. So whenever the men in his clan snickered about his father having two daughters, he only felt confused.
None of that matters anymore. His clan will never view him as a man, not as long as he’s dating Mitsuba. At best, they’ll call him confused and tell him to choose a woman. Teru will never be seen as a man though, and Kou hates himself for feeling less alone whenever he remembers that. His brother seems to live under the delusion that he can pretend to be straight forever, but Kou knows him better than that. He can’t force himself to love women any more than Kou can force himself to love only women. They’re both throwing away the futures their clan has chosen for them.
There’s no way of knowing how those conversations will go. Kou doubts they’ll be kicked out, but they’ll still be mocked. It’s something he tries not to think about. Masculinity is something he prefers to just do rather than examine. If he puts himself in too rigid of a box, he starts to dwell on things that don’t have to matter, like letting Nene paint his nails. Apparently men aren’t supposed to use straws? There’s a lot of unspoken rules that get to him if he lingers on the topic for too long.
There is a bright side to all of this, which is that being in a relationship allows Kou to express his masculinity in ways he couldn’t before. It’s not as though there’s a “woman” in their relationship, that’s not how gay people work. He would never want it to become restricting, but there is something weirdly reaffirming about taking the lead. In a way, it makes him feel like he doesn’t have to overcompensate. Mitsuba likes that he’s masculine, and he doesn’t view him as any less or more of a man than the next guy.
So, really, he spoils Mitsuba partially for himself. And Mitsuba deserves it, for all he’s helped Kou with (even if he also happens to be Kou’s biggest problem).
He also gets his love of bullying Mitsuba from his clan. It was common knowledge that the Minamotos were all missing a few screws, that the wires in their brains were all crossed. The lives they lead center around violence, it seems to be a natural adaptation that they all end up enjoying it. Some of them are crazier about it than others though, Kou likes to think of himself as being on the tamer end of things (until Mitsuba does something cute). He’s just glad to have found someone who appreciates the added aggression.
It never fails to amaze him just how perfectly he and Mitsuba fit together. It’s like they were made for each other, like he was born to meet Mitsuba. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make Mitsuba happy. He’d die if Mitsuba asked him to.
“Stop dragging your feet.”
He reminds himself of that in moments like this.
“Where are you taking me again?”
Mitsuba has a firm grip on his wrist, pulling him to an unknown location.
“I’ve told you three times already.”
Hmm, maybe not so unknown then. He hadn’t intentionally been ignoring Mitsuba, but there’s only so much information his brain can process at a time. And Mitsuba has a tendency to ramble.
“Tell me again.”
Mitsuba sighs, heavy and dramatic. “I went shopping with Nene-chan today.”
Another perk of their relationship is that Mitsuba finally seems to be making friends. They’re all Kou’s friends, of course, but progress is still progress.
“What’d you get?”
“I’m about to show you.”
Slowly, Kou begins to connect the dots. “Are we going to your boundary?”
“So you were listening,” Mitsuba narrows his eyes.
“Watch it,” he warns, half-hearted. “What’s in your boundary?”
“I’ll show you when we get there,” he skips ahead, pulling Kou forward. “Just follow me.”
Whatever it is, Mitsuba seems really excited about it, so Kou decides not to spoil his fun. He doesn’t have the energy to push him around today anyways.
He leads him to a full-length mirror where they can both easily enter his boundary. It doesn’t look much different than it did the first time Kou saw it, with a few aesthetic improvements. It’s pinker, naturally, and the balcony railings are aligned with lace. Kou wishes he had the same knack for decorating that Mitsuba did, his own room lacks any sort of organization. He’s been told gay people are supposed to have some semblance of style; he and Teru must have missed that memo.
A couple of hands wave at Kou as he passes, some even latching onto him or reaching out for a high-five. He sometimes wonders if their fondness of him has anything to do with how Mitsuba feels, though he might just be flattering himself with that assumption. He lets them hang on, humming when one of them tries to give him a shoulder-massage.
“They’re friendly today,” he remarks.
“They need to stand up,” Mitsuba scolds. A few of the hands shrink back.
“But…they’re hands…”
“Nevermind.”
They make their way to Mitsuba’s bedroom, which looks suspiciously similar to Kou’s (albeit pinker with much more clean space). There are no notable differences, only a pile of shopping bags next to a folding screen. That was to be expected, given what Mitsuba told him earlier.
He’s not sure what he was expecting, but he feels a bit underwhelmed. He turns to Mitsuba, questioning.
“So what is it?”
Mitsuba shifts. “I bought some new outfits and I wanted to show them off to you.”
Kou tilts his head. “Like, try them on?”
“It was a dumb idea,” he turns red. “If you don’t wanna see them you can just say that, I don’t know why I- let’s just forget about it.”
Wrong thing to say, apparently. Sometimes he forgets Mitsuba is just an awkward teenager seeking approval like him and everyone else he knows. He tries so hard to act above everybody, it’s kind of cute to see him get flustered like this. Really cute.
It softens Kou’s heart, and makes him want to rub salt in the wound all at once.
He smiles, sympathetically. “I never said I didn’t want to see them, I just didn’t expect this.”
It makes sense now that he thinks about it, Mitsuba does love attention. Specifically, he likes Kou’s attention (not to brag), and he knows a lot about fashion. It’s a little sweet that Mitsuba’s first thought when he got back from shopping was to try on his new outfits for Kou.
Mitsuba isn’t the best at expressing affection, but he’s a lot more genuine than he lets on. He’s not a cruel person at all, he just shares Kou’s love of bullying people (in a slightly different way). Kou doesn’t mind it, he loves the parts of Mitsuba that other people might find unlovable. He’ll be the first to admit that his boyfriend has a terrible personality, but he finds that endearing. He loves when Mitsuba acts more vulnerable and honest, but he also loves when Mitsuba’s begging to get punched in the face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Mitsuba deadpans.
“Like what?”
“Like an idiot,” he shoves him away. “All dopey and…whatever, just take a seat. I’m gonna go behind the screen and get changed. No peeking, you perv.”
Kou chooses to ignore that last comment, plopping down on Mitsuba’s bed facing the folding screen. More hands pile near him, clinging onto him like they want his attention. One of them lays across his lap like a cat, and he pets it as such. Another gives him head scratches, helping him feel more at ease.
There’s no avoiding the awkwardness of being in the same room as your boyfriend while he’s getting dressed, but Kou tries not to give it much thought. He focuses instead on a large stuffed bear in the corner of the room across from him. He memorizes every detail of it, from the bow around its neck to the baby pink shade of its fur. He wonders if Mitsuba bought it for himself, or if it was a gift. It’s been here since Kou first started visiting Mitsuba’s boundary, but he’s never given it much thought. It looks sort of creepy, just sitting there.
He bets Hanako has never put this much effort into being respectful.
One of the hands pats his shoulder, as though sensing his dilemma. He glares at it, causing it to shiver and hop away. Too bad hands can’t scream.
Fortunately, it’s not long before Mitsuba comes out, dressed in a simple cropped pink t-shirt and high-rise jeans. He’s still wearing his scarf, but he tugs it off to toss it on the bed.
“Hold onto that for me, okay?”
Kou glances at it. “Sure.”
He’s always liked Mitsuba’s scarf, the one thing that differentiates his physical appearance from Sousuke. Not that Kou needs a reminder, but…okay, sometimes he still needs a reminder. What Mitsuba doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
“So?” Mitsuba spins around, giving Kou a full 360 of the outfit. “What do you think?”
It’s relatively plain, but still trendy. It fits Mitsuba well, something Kou can picture him wearing every day.
“I like it,” he’s never been great with words, but he tries to sound enthusiastic. “You don’t wear short-sleeves a lot.”
“Because I don’t like them,” Mitsuba explains. “But Nene encouraged me to try something new.”
This is his first time seeing Mitsuba’s arms, thin and dotted with moles. From the look of them, Kou bets he could easily take Mitsuba in a fight.
“You should wear them more often.”
“I’ll take that into consideration,” he sounds non-committal. “Let’s move onto the next outfit.”
The waiting is less awkward this time, since Kou has already done it once. He plays rock-paper-scissors with one of the hands, and wins three rounds out of eight. He’s just glad Mitsuba wasn’t around to see that, and that hands can’t talk.
This time, Mitsuba is wearing ripped black jeans and a soft pink sweater. It takes every ounce of Kou’s self-control not to call him emo, or to ask him if he bought those jeans at Hot Topic. If Mitsuba wears them too often, Kou might not be able to resist cracking a joke.
For now though, he just smiles. “You look great. That’s a neat sweater.”
“‘Neat’?” Mitsuba repeats. “Were you born in the 30s?”
“That’s rich coming from a ghost.”
“ Supernatural ,” he corrects, as though an exorcist wouldn’t know that. “And I technically had no life before this, so I couldn’t be from the 30s.”
Suddenly, the atmosphere becomes uncomfortable.
“Right,” Kou says. “I see you’re back to the long-sleeves.”
“You just want me to show more skin,” he snaps. “Creep.”
He gets these accusations about three times a day, so he’s learned to let it go in one ear and out the other.
“I’m only a man,” he shrugs, because he might as well mess with Mitsuba when he’s given the opportunity.
“And all men do is disappoint,” Mitsuba sighs.
It feels good to be back to teasing each other like normal. Their relationship is great, but there are looming threats that taint even the sweetest of moments. Sousuke is one of them, and also the fact that Mitsuba is dead and Kou is alive. By some miracle, Teru doesn’t mind that he’s dating a supernatural, as long as he’s happy. He gets overprotective about it, but he’s progressed to the point where he finally trusts Kou to protect himself. Their father likely won’t be so understanding though, nor will the rest of their clan.
He has no obligation to tell them, and yet sometimes he still feels guilty for it. He was born and raised to destroy supernaturals, and here he is, trying to make one happy. It’s absurd, but Kou has to trust his gut on this one. He has to choose what’s most important to him, and that answer comes as easy as breathing.
This time, while Mitsuba changes, Kou takes turns arm-wrestling the hands. He wins most of the rounds, though one of them does almost sprain his wrist. He shoves that one off the bed, glaring as it limps away guiltily.
He’s so focused on nursing his hurt wrist, that he almost doesn’t notice when Mitsuba steps out. He doesn’t look up until Mitsuba clears his throat.
The sight before him makes his eyes widen, not with horror or attraction, but pure shock. Mitsuba has on a hot pink sweatshirt, which isn’t unusual, but it’s paired with a pale pink skirt. It shouldn’t be that strange, Mitsuba has always been a bit feminine- it’s one of the things Kou likes about him. What can he say? He has a type. Feminine stuff isn’t for him, but he likes seeing it on other people. Still, he’s never seen a guy in a skirt before, at least not in person. He can’t help but think of how the men (and women) in his clan would react.
Why is he thinking about them right now? This is supposed to be a cute activity he’s doing with his boyfriend. The fact that his boyfriend apparently likes to wear skirts would only be the cherry on top if his clan found out he’s dating a man in the first place. They don’t even know he likes men, with the exceptions of Teru and Tiara who are already outliers. Teru bought him a cake when he came out, he doubts anybody in the world will ever be that level of accepting.
He’s had a much easier life than he would have if he’d been raised by literally anyone other than his brother. But Teru can’t protect him from everything, and someday, he’ll have to tell his clan the truth. Just one other thing to make him be seen as less. Less of an exorcist, less of a son, less of a man.
“Is something wrong?”
“No,” he says immediately, but it sounds too forced. “You look great.”
Mitsuba frowns, looking down. “Is it the skirt? I know it’s kinda weird, but I thought it looked cute.”
A pant of guilt hits Kou’s gut. He wishes he could tell Mitsuba that this isn’t his fault, that Kou needs to work out his own issues instead of neglecting them. He doesn’t even know why this is affecting him, it’s not like he’s ever wanted to wear a skirt. But even if he did, why would that matter? And having a boyfriend who wears skirts doesn’t make him any less of a man, if anything that should work in the opposite way. Maybe. He doesn’t know what to think anymore.
“It’s not weird,” Kou reassures. “Seriously, you look amazing. I can’t believe I’m with someone who looks like you.”
Uh-oh, did he say too much? That sounded pathetic, nothing a man should say. He doesn’t want Mitsuba to think of him as weak.
But Mitsuba only blushes, still refusing to look him in the eye.
“Oh.”
“I didn’t mean to say that,” he rambles. “I mean, not that I didn’t mean it- I meant it, it’s just that…”
To his mortification, Mitsuba laughs.
“You sound so lame right now.”
“I didn’t really mean that, it just slipped out.”
“You just said you meant it.”
His only hope at regaining the upper hand here is by being direct, so he decides to just go for it.
“So what if I did?” He leans back. “I have a hot boyfriend, I think that’s something to be proud of.”
He’s sure his face is tomato red when he says it, but as long as his tone stays nonchalant Mitsuba probably won’t notice that. Probably.
As predicted, Mitsuba blushes again, faltering.
“W-well, it’s about time you noticed. I’m way out of your league.”
Kou hums, mentally patting himself on the back. Hopefully this will keep Mitsuba from realizing something’s off.
“Are you sure you don’t think the skirt’s weird?”
“I love it,” and he honestly does, Mitsuba pulls off a skirt better than most girls he knows. “You should wear it on our next date.”
Men are supposed to be direct and assertive, but that line came out sounding much weaker than Kou intended. He sounds like he’s praying for Mitsuba to find him cool- which he is, at all times. But Mitsuba doesn’t need to know that.
“If you really like it, then I might.”
His shoulders drop in relief. Maybe he can get Teru to give him some advice on how to properly flirt later. This is his first time trying an approach that isn’t just bullying Mitsuba until he swoons.
“I have one more outfit,” Mitsuba announces.
Assertive, direct. C’mon, say something cool.
“Well, you should get changed then.”
Seriously?!
He’s making a total fool out of himself. It’s a wonder Mitsuba hasn’t broken up with him for talking like such a loser.
By some miracle, Mitsuba doesn’t notice. Huh. Maybe flirting really works on him, even if it’s a poor attempt. Kou decides to file that knowledge away for later.
He gives himself time to reflect while Mitsuba gets dressed. Why did he freak out so much over a skirt? He doesn’t care if Mitsuba wears skirts, he’s his own person with a life outside Kou. Only dickheads try to dictate what their partners wear.
Perhaps he’s a little envious of Mitsuba. He enjoys feminine things without caring what other people think; Kou would give anything to be that confident in his masculinity. To wear a skirt without hearing his father’s voice in the back of his head. Well, maybe not a skirt, but some nail-polish might be nice.
He’s getting a little ahead of himself, he can’t even do masculine things without feeling emasculated. He feels like an imposter, like if he can’t save everybody or beat his brother in a fight, he doesn’t deserve to call himself a man. And, to make matters worse, his clan would agree with that sentiment. His cousins always excluded him from any conversations involving sports or girls, despite sharing similar interests. It’s like they didn’t think he was worthy of joining the All Boys Club.
His sexuality is another thing he prefers to just do instead of examine. When he’s kissing Mitsuba, he doesn’t think about how he’s kissing a boy; he thinks about the person he’s kissing instead. He thinks about how clingy Mitsuba is, and how his lips taste like candy, and…well, you get the picture. If he only thinks about Mitsuba, he doesn’t have to think about coming out to his father someday.
But he can’t avoid that forever. Even if he marries a woman, he can’t stay quiet about such a core part of his identity. No matter how strong he gets, no matter how much he proves himself, he will never be seen as a man. At least, not a man in the same way his father and grandfather are men.
By that logic, Teru is even less of a man than he is. That’s a horrible, spiteful thought, but it makes him feel better; in the same way one feels better about losing a race as long as they don’t come in dead last. Teru deserves a better brother.
So he doesn’t care if Mitsuba wants to wear a skirt, but having a boyfriend who wears skirts makes him feel weird. Like this whole gay thing is turning out to be gayer than what he signed up for. He knows it’s stupid, but those thoughts aren’t easy to shake.
This time, Mitsuba is wearing a dress. It looks like something a doll would wear, which is very on-brand for Mitsuba. It’s baby pink, with one bow at the collar and one at the waist. There are ruffles down the side, accentuated with the same white lace that lines the sleeves and bottom. It’s the cutest thing he’s tried on, and likely the most expensive. It’s adorable.
Kou’s stomach sinks.
“It came with tights, but I didn’t feel like wearing those,” Mitsuba rants. “So this is the half-done look. What do you think?”
He does a twirl to show Kou the full outfit and- oh, there’s a bow on the back too. How sweet.
Once again, the problem isn’t Mitsuba. He looks fantastic, the best he ever has. It’s just that Kou can never be normal about anything. There must be something seriously wrong with him, he can’t even admire his own boyfriend without having depressive thoughts.
That shouldn’t come as a surprise, he’s never been able to do anything right. He can cook a good meal, but that’s just about it. He’d make a better housewife than an exorcist.
Why is Mitsuba even dating him? Mitsuba likes men, exclusively. Kou isn’t much as a man, despite his best attempts to become one. He’s nothing like his father. He’s a terrible brother, and an even worse boyfriend.
“Is everything okay?”
Suddenly, Mitsuba is in front of him, looking concerned.
He blinks, sucking in a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” how does he put it into words? He flops back onto the bed, exhaling. “How do you do it?”
Mitsuba makes a noise of confusion. “Are you finally asking me for fashion advice?”
“No,” he snorts. “I mean, do you never feel weird about wearing stuff like that? Doesn’t it make you feel like less of a man?”
“Anyone who calls themself a man is a man,” he says firmly. “Their appearance doesn’t change that.”
And Kou knows that, but he can’t seem to get it through his head. If a person says they’re a man, then they’re a man, regardless of what anyone else might say about it. But there are different levels of men, aren’t there? Some men are tougher than others, stronger than others. Kou has never been able to reach the top level, no matter how hard he’s tried.
“That’s the thing,” he throws an arm over his face. “You know that you’re a man even when you’re wearing a dress. I could be eating raw steak and I’d still feel less than.”
Mitsuba pauses for a moment. “Do men eat raw steak?”
“I don’t know,” he groans. “That’s the problem, nobody can just be a man. There’s, like, rules to it that nobody tells you about. And you don’t learn about them until you realize that some guys are just better at being a man than you are.”
He probably sounds like an idiot right now- or, worse, a bigot. Obviously nobody’s more of a man than other men. He knows that, so why doesn’t he believe it?
He stills at the feeling of Mitsuba crawling over him, until he’s able to rest his head on Kou’s chest. An attempt at a hug, Kou recognizes. He reciprocates by wrapping his arms around Mitsuba, taking a moment to appreciate how smooth the material of his dress feels.
Instantly, he calms down. The weight of Mitsuba in his arms, accompanied by the sweet scent of his shampoo, sets off some chemical reaction in Kou’s brain. There’s a dark, possessive part of him that gets anxious whenever Mitsuba is farther than an arms-length away. He’s been accused of holding Mitsuba like he’s scared someone’s going to snatch him away, and that’s true. He is absolutely terrified that if he lets Mitsuba go, even for a split second, he’ll slip through his fingers like sand. He’s already lost him so many times…
There’s something reassuring about having Mitsuba so close. No one can take him away…and he can’t go anywhere, either. He can’t leave Kou of his own free will, because that would be stupid. Why would he ever want to leave Kou? They should always be together, they’re perfect for each other. Kou’s stronger than him, anyways. When he has Mitsuba like this, he can keep him as long as he wants.
“You do know those rules are bullshit, right?”
“I know,” Kou frowns. “I guess my clan just really messed me up, y’know? Like I grew up with all these expectations of what masculinity should look like, and that’s hard to shake.”
“Duh, nobody can shake that stuff,” Kou finally allows himself the simple pleasure of pinching Mitsuba harder than he should. Mitsuba only laughs, digging his head into Kou’s chest. “Fine, I’ll be serious. I guess we’ve just had really different experiences. I’ve always been so far-removed from humanity that their views on gender never really reached me.”
“Lucky,” Kou scowls. “I like being manly and all, but I always feel like I’m not doing enough.”
“You’re the only person who gets to decide what ‘enough’ means. Gender is different for everybody.”
He likes that perspective, it feels a lot less constraining. He can’t bring himself to say the hardest part out loud, that he’s struggling to accept the death of his masculinity in the eyes of his clan. That he can’t force himself to not care what his family thinks.
But being bisexual doesn’t make him any less of a man, despite what his clan may think. Again, he knows that, but it will take time for him to fully understand it.
He strokes Mitsuba’s hair, occasionally tugging just to see him flinch. It’s unbearably cute, almost cute enough to make him feel better. Mitsuba accepts it but doesn’t call him out, which is even cuter. He likes this, tuning out the complicated stuff and focusing only on Mitsuba. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but it works.
“You’re getting better at comforting people.”
“I’m not, you’re just easily swayed.”
He pinches Mitsuba again, this time not letting up until he starts to protest. He gives his hair a sharp yank for good measure, which only makes Mitsuba hold him closer.
“Truce?”
Kou huffs. “Sure, truce.”
“You never complimented my outfit.”
“Poor baby,” he winces when Mitsuba jabs him in the side. “Hey, that’s my thing.”
“I will have the hands escort you out.”
“Fine, fine,” he waves him off. “This one is my favorite.”
Mitsuba lights up. “Really?”
“Yep,” he pecks him on the forehead. “You look pretty.”
He flushes. “I look pretty every day.”
“You do.”
“Why are you being so nice?? Did you hit your head or something??”
“Dunno,” he shrugs. “Guess I just felt like it. Do you want me to hit you again?”
Mitsuba stares at him, bewildered. They’re not usually verbally affectionate, so Kou understands why he’s confused. To be honest, he doesn’t get why he’s being so sappy either. Maybe he’s just tired from overthinking.
“…Yes.”
Kou laughs. “Not happening.”
Mitsuba pouts, laying back down. “Pussy.”
While he’d love to show his affection for Mitsuba through their usual healthy exchange of emotional and physical violence, it’s far more entertaining to watch Mitsuba mope.
Kou pokes his cheek. “You’re too spoiled.”
“C’mon,” Mitsuba goads. “Be a man.”
“Says the guy wearing a dress.”
He gasps. “I see how it is. Go eat a steak or something.”
He feels completely content like this, exchanging jabs with Mitsuba. Even more-so knowing that Mitsuba couldn’t get away even if he tried. Not that he would want to, they’re equally obsessive about each other. So when Mitsuba notices Kou keeping him down every time he tries to sit up or roll over, he simply relents and stays as he is. He’s probably overjoyed to know that Kou doesn’t want him to move yet.
He’ll let him go eventually. Not forever, but just until they see each other again. Until the next time he can have Mitsuba in his arms, knowing where he is and what he’s doing at all times.
Kou would like for things to be less complicated between them. He’d like to date Mitsuba without worrying about their future, or what his clan will think. He’d love to not feel the need to keep an eye on him all the time, just to make sure they don’t get separated again. It sounds nice, to have a relationship that’s so care-free.
Someday, maybe they’ll both understand this better. Kou will understand masculinity on his own terms, and Mitsuba will understand where he belongs in this world. Kou would like for them to belong together, even if it’s impossible. He doesn’t know how long they have together, but he hopes they can use that time to become better- both for each other, and themselves. He would love to meet Mitsuba all over again, in a world where they’re healthier people with less-complicated lives. For now though, he’ll take any version of Mitsuba he can get.
He reaches out to grab Mitsuba’s discarded scarf, wrapping it around the two of them like a red string of fate. Mitsuba hums, cuddling closer.
Not for the first time, nor the last, Kou allows himself to pretend that everything is okay.