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Fern is worried. Sure, she shouldn’t be. It’s not because she hasn’t heard noise in the next bedroom that Stark hasn’t come back yet. Maybe he was just very quiet tonight and she couldn’t hear him open the door, close it, walk towards his bed- no, that’s impossible, she couldn’t possibly not have heard him. He’s Stark, he’s not like her, he’s a warrior, polished to be noisy to attract attention to him as the vanguard. Even in his everyday life, he’s noisy, always whining or exclaiming something. So, if he came back, she should’ve known. She should’ve been relieved and drifted off to sleep.
But he’s not back yet and she’s anxious. What could’ve happened to him? He said he was going for a drink at the bar, he couldn’t possibly be gambling, right? Didn’t he learn the lesson with Sein? If he is, shouldn’t she go fetch him? Give him a pep-talk? God, she always has to watch his back, he’s always one step away from problems.
She has to check on him.
Fern gets up from her bed and glances at Frieren on the bed next to her. She’s been asleep for an hour now and unlike Fern, she won’t get up until late in the morning if Fern doesn’t wake her up. Actually, is she the mother of their group? Why is it her who has to check on Stark and wake Frieren up in the morning? Fern sighs. What would this party be without her, huh?
Just in case, she’ll knock on Stark’s door. Maybe it’s all just been a misunderstanding in her head, he’s actually in his bedroom and for some kind of obscure reason, she didn’t hear him coming back.
She slides out of her bedroom and walks to Stark’s door. There, her heart beating with anticipation, she knocks. Once. Twice.
“Stark?” she even calls.
But no one answers.
He’s not in his bedroom then. He might still be at the bar. Or maybe not, if something happened to him. Either way, she needs to find him to make sure he’s safe.
She returns to her bedroom to get changed and heads downstairs, where she finds the old man at the reception. Just in case, she should ask him if he saw Stark.
She walks towards the counter. “Excuse me. Have you seen a young man with red hair and dark roots? He wears a red jacket, dark pants and boots.”
“Oh, Stark?”
So he has already made friends with the owner of the inn… It’s not that surprising coming from Stark but it still leaves her bewildered each time she realizes it. Stark is loved anywhere he goes, it’s impressive.
“I last saw him three hours ago, I think? He asked me for the best bar in the city. What a nice fellow! But come to think of it, it’s getting late, the bar is probably closing. I wonder why he’s not back yet?”
The question sends a rush of panic in Fern’s veins and her heartbeat drills in her ears. Something happened to him. Something bad happened to him.
The owner smiles softly and Fern doesn’t understand why. “I’m sure he just had too much to drink. He’s lucky to have such a good partner to take care of him.”
“I…” Fern wanted to correct him but actually, there are more pressing urgent matters to take care of, so she decides to say nothing and asks him about the location of the bar. Three streets from here, got it. She bows and leaves the inn, quickening her pace to arrive at the bar. He has to be there. He has to.
Otherwise… Otherwise, she doesn’t even want to think about it.
All her anxiousness washes away when she sees him, collapsed on the counter of the bar with a bartender that looks quite worried.
“Excuse me miss, but we’re closed for the night…”
“I know him,” she says, eyes locked on Stark.
Even if at the moment, she wishes she didn’t.
He looks like a complete mess. His cheeks are almost as red as his hair, he’s drooling on the table, his eyelids are semi-closed… He clearly drank too much and she already feels exasperated. He’s such a fool.
“Oh you do? Thank god!” the bartender exhales, a hand on his heart. “I tried waking him up but he’s refusing to move from here, I didn’t know what to do. Please, could you take him with you? I have to close up so…”
“Sure. I’m sorry for the mess he has caused to you.”
“Thank you! And no worries, it’s all resolved now.”
The bartender smiles and disappears in the back of the bar, leaving only her and Stark in the main room, with a few lights flickering around them. Fern sighs. She has known better nights.
“Stark.”
As if her voice is the enchantment magic for waking him up, he blinks lazily and they finally lock eyes. Suddenly, light floods in his eyes and a goofy smile spreads on his entire face, brightening up like he saw the sun itself.
“Fern!”
“Stark, it is time to go.”
Stark’s head tilts, his red strands of hair following the gesture, and she can’t believe she thought he looked cute for a second. “Go where?”
“Back in the inn. The bar is closing, we have to go.”
“Oh…”
“Come on.”
She takes his arm to push him to leave his stool but Stark, even in his drunk state, is stronger than her and stays still on that stool because something is apparently troubling him. “Wait…”
Fern sighs. “What?”
“I… I can’t walk… My legs… My legs feel wobbly…”
And of course she doesn’t have her staff with her to carry him with magic. Now that she thinks of it, that was a foolish move from her. If Stark had truly been in danger, what could she have done without it? She left so hastily that she didn’t even take her staff with her. How stupid.
“You are such a pain,” she mutters.
With all the strength she has, she moves him from the stool to her, his arm around her shoulders while his entire body is draped on hers. Thankfully their inn is only three streets away.
Like that, they exit the bar, Fern excusing themselves and making a mental note to bring some compensation to the bartender tomorrow morning, and they’re walking back to the inn. Stark is heavy, even more when he’s not making any effort to walk. He reeks of alcohol and it reminds her of Heiter. Actually, she can’t remember the time when he used to drink because he stopped when he raised her, but he would often tell her stories about how he got so drunk Himmel, Frieren and Eisen had to take him numerous times back to the inn, and take care of him during his hangover. When she was little she thought nothing of it but now that she’s living through it, she thinks Himmel, Frieren and Eisen must have had a hard time. Because now, she’s exactly having a hard time.
“Mh… It’s comfortable…” Stark has the nerves to say.
“To you, because you are making no effort to actually walk.”
“Ooh sorry, but… my legs…”
“Why? You’re just drunk, you’re not afraid of anything right now. You should be able to walk.”
“I dunno… When you’re here, my legs go weak…”
Fern stops in her tracks. She knows alcohol makes people more honest. Heiter told her, mentioning the times he’s said things he didn’t want to admit but said it anyways. “Do I… Do I scare you, Stark?”
“Huh? No.”
“Then why?” she asks, turning her head towards him.
With him draped over her shoulders, their faces are really close. She can feel his breath on her cheek, close to her mouth, and it makes her stomach weirdly giddy.
“‘Cause… I dunno… You overwhelm me…”
Fern feels a pang of disappointment in her chest. Is that how Stark perceives her? She overwhelms him? She’s too much? That’s understandable. She’s always nagging him. Maybe he thinks she’s being dramatic. Tonight too. She was so anxious for nothing in the end. She’s not even anxious usually, rare are the things that make her nervous, but how does Stark manage to make her worry so much?
She resumes their walking in silence. They should be arriving soon.
“Fern…”
There goes his whining tone.
“Are you upset?”
Clearly she’s not having this conversation with someone drunk, so she says nothing.
“I’m sorry… Forgive me okay?”
You don’t even know what you’re sorry for , she thinks, but says nothing.
They arrive at the inn and the owner seems relieved to see them. He smiles at them and Fern just nods before moving past him, dragging Stark who’s waving at him like he’s some sort of superstar. Climbing the stairs with Stark around her shoulders is hard but doable, and soon enough, they’re in Stark’s room. She drops him off on his bed where he falls down, his arms extended, already looking ready for a good night’s sleep. But he still has his jacket on and he’s not under his bedsheets, so she should at least put him properly to bed before leaving. Seriously, is she his mother?
“Stark. Get up, you have to remove your jacket.”
“Fern… You still mad?”
She keeps her arms crossed and just looks at him in silence, praying that he gets the message that she doesn’t want to talk about this and just wants him to sleep. But of course, he doesn’t get it so he pouts, eyes becoming teary - he’s not actually going to cry, is he?
He raises but instead of standing up, he falls down on his knees. What in the world?
“Fern, I’m sorry… I dunno what I did… But… Don’t be mad… You just deserve to be happy…”
Fern crouches down to be at his level, a bit uncomfortable by what’s happening. “I understand, but let’s just put you to sleep for now and discuss it tomorrow if needed.”
“But I won’t be able to sleep if you’re not happy…”
“I am. Now can you go to sleep?”
He shakes his head. “No! You’re not happy.”
Fern sighs. “Because you are not going to sleep.”
Stark stays silent, a pout on his lips, looking away. “Okay… Sleep…”
Fern smiles. “Good.”
She stands up and Stark manages to stand up by himself, but instead of sitting on the bed, he loses balance and falls on her. He’s too heavy for her so they end up against the wall, pressed against each other and she’s not sure what she feels. Her heart beats fast, but is it with fear? Anxiousness? Excitement? Has Stark always been this big, compared to her?
He exhales and she feels his breath on her neck, sending shivers on her back.
“Sorry…” His voice sounds too close and yet, she makes no move of pushing him away.
“I know it’s not your fault.”
The answer seems to satisfy Stark because he steps away, a smile on his face, and he takes her arm with him, stepping back to his bed until he falls backwards and makes her fall with him. She’s nearly on top of him, her arm steadying her into not falling right onto Stark’s torso. What is he doing? He has such a tender smile, she wonders why.
“You’ve fallen.”
Fern blinks.
“For me.”
The whole world stops. Fern’s breath catches in her throat and her heart misses a heartbeat. More than ever, she feels Stark’s touch on her arm, and it tingles. He’s still smiling, like he’s just said an obvious but tender truth.
“What?” she breathes.
“And I’ve fallen with you.”
Everything around them appears to be spinning and she wonders if she hasn’t drank alcohol herself because everything seems to be so weird, like she’s hallucinating. What is Stark saying? Or… Or is he talking about the fact that they both fell over the bed? Is that it? Yeah, it must be it. She’s started to panic for nothing. But why did she panic, in the first place? Is she really… ?
“You know, people tell me all kinds of definition of love,” Stark says, taking one of Fern’s strands of hair to play with. She’s freezed into nervousness, not sure what is happening anymore. “They say… love is caring for the other… love is devoting yourself to the other… love is wanting to hug them all the time… love is sharing everything together… love is… love is vague, isn’t it? I don’t really understand. I’ve never felt love like this. I mean… I have loved people… But have I loved people like I love you, Fern? Hm… Not really… I love Eisen… I love Frieren… But I don’t love them in the same way I love you.”
Fern’s cheeks are heating. It’s so stupid, it feels like Stark’s words are her alcohol.
“I’m not sure if I love you like the definitions that people say… but I love you in my definition of love. Actually, I think… I think you’re my definition… of love. You’re love…”
Stark smiles and pinches her cheek. “Look… You’re so cute… I want to kiss your cheeks and lips until you’re tired of it… I want to hug you to keep you warm, always… I want to hold hands with you… so you’re never alone… You never feel alone… because I’m here…”
He closes his eyes and his hand drops on the bed.
“You’re so… overwhelming… My heart… soul… body… can’t handle you…”
And then, he says nothing else.
Eyes closed, like he’s gone to sleep.
Fern blinks.
Once.
Twice.
And what he said still doesn’t make sense. Is it a dream? It has to be. Because, Stark, loving her like he said? No… No, this can’t be.
Yet, there was so much love in his voice, eyes, smile.
She’s the one who feels overwhelmed now.
She doesn’t bother putting him properly to sleep and quickly exits his bedroom, cheeks too hot.
Fern hasn’t slept in the entire night. She kept rolling over, troubled by what Stark said. Does he mean it? If he means it, then… Her heartbeat doesn’t slow down, beats quickly, butterflies spreading in her stomach. Stark loves her. And he’s right.
She’s fallen for him too.
The sunlight is filtered through the curtains and she gets up, getting ready. She should wake Frieren up. And then? Do Stark and her have to talk about what happened last night? Maybe Stark blacked out. Maybe he doesn’t remember anything and they’ll just pretend nothing happened. For the sake of their party, maybe that’s for the better.
But Stark decides the opposite and knocks at their door.
It’s Stark, she’s sure of it.
She puts her hand on her chest, taking slow breaths. It’s going to be okay. It has to be. More than her feelings for Stark or Stark feelings for her, they both treasure their party and Frieren. And, of course, they treasure each other. They both want the best for each other. Isn’t it that, love?
She opens the door and Stark jolts, like he wasn’t expecting her to answer the door when he’s the one who knocked. Suddenly, he looks very uncomfortable, ruffling his hair and she wonders if everything he said yesterday was a lie. Maybe Heiter was honest when he drank alcohol but Stark is not that type of drunk, he spills lies. What if she believed in lies? What should she do with her newly realized feelings, then?
“Fern… Can we talk?”
She nods and she closes the door behind her, going into Stark’s room. This way, they can have privacy and not disturb Frieren’s sleep. Once they’re both in, they stand face to face but Fern is too scared to look at Stark in the eyes, so she looks at the wall behind him. She can see him rubbing his neck and she’s not sure if that’s a good sign.
“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.”
Fern’s chest hurts.
“I… I was drunk. Sorry. Will you forgive me?”
“So everything you said was a lie?”
She said it with a curter tone that she intended to but it’s too late. Stark looks uncomfortable and her heart feels heavy.
“No… I mean… It… It was the truth… It’s just that… You should’ve never known about any of these… I’m sorry for making you very uncomfortable…”
Fern’s world brightens up. So he meant everything he said yesterday.
She smiles.
“I allow you.”
“You allow me what?”
“You said you wanted to do several things. I allow you.”
Stark looks puzzled for a second until his cheeks go completely red, and Fern learns that not only alcohol or embarrassment can redden someone’s cheeks, but love too.
“Really?”
Fern says nothing and just smiles at him.
Hesitantly, Stark takes her hand, like it’s the most delicate thing he’s ever touched. They’re just holding hands, but Fern’s heart is beating fast and it seems like Stark’s too, because he turns his head, hiding his face behind his other hand.
“Oh my god…” he mutters.
“What?”
“No… It’s just… very overwhelming…”
“Take your time.”
“Oh my god, this is overwhelming too… Fern, how can you be this calm? Am I the only one who…?”
“No. I…” Suddenly, it’s hard to say that she feels the same. Stark confessed everything when he was drunk but she has to say it when they’re both not drunk, and this is harder than expected. She collects her thoughts and thinks of an answer. “If I was calm, I would’ve never allowed you to do the things you want, Stark.” A roundabout way to tell him, but it’s better than nothing.
Stark understands because a smile breaks on his face and he seems less nervous. He squeezes her hand. “So Fern has moments when she feels nervous, too.”
“Somehow, it always happens with you.”
Stark smiles. “How did you know where to find me, yesterday?”
“I asked the owner of the inn.”
“You knew I wasn’t back yet?”
“... I didn’t hear you coming back.”
“Huh…” He pauses. “So you pay attention to that.”
“It seems so.”
Stark smiles and pinches her cheek. “Thank you, Fern. I’m sorry for the trouble I caused you.”
“The most important thing is that you are safe and sound. And stop pinching my cheek. It hurts.”
“Oh, I’m sorry!”
He caresses her cheek and they both realize at the same time how tender the gesture is, and they freeze, locking gazes. They’re still holding hands, Stark’s other hand on her cheek, and… he comes closer, little by little. His mouth is inches away from hers and she can feel his breath on her lips.
She closes her eyes, and Stark kisses her. Softly. Gently. She feels like her heart will break out of her rib cage because it’s beating too fast, too many butterflies are flying in her stomach, her every inch of skin is tingling, but it feels so nice; it feels right . Her place has always been there, with Stark, loving Stark.
The kiss is shorter than expected. Or longer. She doesn’t know. It felt like an eternity and a blink of an eye at the same time, but what she knows is that she needs more. So she cups his face and kisses him again.
The kiss is less gentle, this time. More passionate. Stark’s hands come around her waist and they end up against the wall, kissing, kissing, kissing until they’re out of breath and their foreheads are against each other, both looking at each other with overwhelming love.
“God,” Stark breathes. “You’re so pretty.”
Fern blushes. “What are you saying, suddenly?”
“And you’re all mine to love.”
Stark smiles and lifts her up in the air, spinning around with her. “All mine!”
“Stark!”
But he’s laughing so joyfully that she doesn't have the heart to tell him to put her down, so she stays in the air, Stark moving like he’s practicing some weird dance. Drunk with happiness, surely. She can understand. She also feels over the moon, with Stark loving her. He loves her. And she loves him back.
Isn’t it the most beautiful feeling in the world?
When his definition of love is her, and hers is him.
They’re sitting across Frieren who’s staring at them intensely.
“A bug bit the both of you on the lips? And that is why your lips are both swollen?”
Stark and Fern don’t look at each other but they nod silently. Frieren stares at them before sighing. “You’re not hiding this from me. I know what you did.”
They exchange a glance, panicking. If Frieren knows, she’s going to feel left out. She’s also going to nag them until the end of their lives and that’s out of the question.
“You were testing out this object, weren’t you?” Frieren announces with a proud smile, showing them a weird object. Fern doesn’t recognize it and she doesn’t even want to imagine what purpose it serves if it gives swollen lips. “I’ve bought it in secret yesterday and I wanted to test it today, but it seems like you two beat me to it. Indeed, it is a magic object that can make lips more full! But it appears that you two didn’t know how to use it, so let me show you. First…”
Fern and Stark smile at each other.
Well, they had no reason to panic.
Knowing how oblivious Frieren was and still is to Himmel, maybe she’ll figure out that Fern and Stark had been loving each other all their lives long after they both died.
Stark squeezes Fern’s hand under the table and he laughs a bit under Fern's severe gaze.
“Hey, are you two listening to me?”
“Yes we are.”
“Perfect. So then, after that…”