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As much as Barbara was enjoying watching Dick’s unease at reconciling the idea of Bruce and Hal being an item, she decided to take the direct approach to confirm her theory.
~Babs - Dick thinks you’re seeing someone and is trying to work out who it is
~ Bruce - Oh yes. What’s his theory?
~ Babs - he’s not sure. Ignoring the obvious I think.
~Bruce - so you have a theory?
~ Babs - yup.
~ Bruce - And?
~ Babs - I think it’s Hal Jordan
~ Bruce - Correct.
~Babs~ Oh that’s awesome, Hal’s great
~Bruce - He very much is. How about you and Dick come for dinner one night and we can ease him into the idea?
Barbara decided it was too entertaining watching Dick twist himself in knots trying to find evidence to disprove her theory, so she kept Bruce’s invitation to herself for the time being
It was a few days after the discovery of the out of place pack of gum that Dick received the final, irrefutable proof from Damian in the form of an update on a case they were working on. He woke up to a message
~ Damian - GL has confirmed the metal is alien in origin
~ Dick - oh yeah, where did you bump into Hal?
‘Please say “in the cave”’ Dick prayed to himself
~ Damian - Grayson, you are focusing on irrelevant details as usual
~ Dick - Humour me
~ Damian - He was in father’s bedroom and seemed unoccupied so he performed the analysis. The point, Grayson, is that this proves there are aliens operating out of that warehouse.
Dick had learned in his time to be good at keeping secrets, but this was too much. If he had to know this, then everyone did. Misery loves company.
He got straight on the family chat (the one without Bruce, thank you very much) and messaged them the news. The responses came in immediately
~ Jason - GL has gone down in my estimation
~ Stephanie - [cat with heart eyes emoji]
~ Tim - actually not surprised
Cass said nothing which was usual.
Damian replied with a tone of aggrieved irritation.
~ Damian - I am aware Grayson, I believe I told you. It is actually beneficial having the Green Lantern here as the physics tutor father has engaged for me is utterly deficient, whereas Captain Jordan has practical experience and has brought me some artefacts from other planets to assist with my research.
~ Tim - what’s is like having Hal stay there?
~ Damian. Extremely irrelevant Drake. The only irritant is he sometimes prays too loudly.
Dick had that horrible sinking feeling of watching a car crash about to happen, unable to do anything to prevent it. Jason of course could not resist making sure they all experienced the car crash in slow mo, high definition, with Dolby stereo surround sound.
~ Jason - “Prays too loudly?”
~ Damian. Yes, sometimes I’ll hear him yelling his prayers in father’s room.
~ Jason - Prayers, huh. What sort of thing?
Dick was silently begging Damian not to reply, but nope, there it was, the collision in all its glory.
~ Damian - “Sweet Jesus yes, oh god, right there”. That sort of thing. Which is odd because I thought the Green Lantern was Jewish.
Dick put his head in his hands, but Jason was not done.
~ Jason - “Oh yeah? Weird. Does Bruce join in while Hal is praying?”
~ Damian - No, I heard him groaning one time as though he were in pain, but when I went in and enquired he assured me he was not injured.
Dick choked on his coffee. There it was, right there, the knowledge that could never been undone. He knew in the abstract of course that Bruce had sex, but this was another order of insight. He could picture Jason, sat on the flea infested couch in the squat he shared with Roy howling with laughter at everyone’s collective discomfort. A private message pinged on his phone.
~Jason - good to know there’s life in the old dog, eh?
Dick wisely ignored this one. His phone pinged again.
~ Tim - kill me now. You’re faster than me, you could totally do it and I wouldn’t feel a thing.
~ Dick - I think we need to make it a suicide pact.