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Kevin was spending the night with Wymack, Aaron with Katelyn, and Nicky was visiting Erik for spring break.
Andrew and Neil were sleeping in separate beds that night. It was one of those nights where Andrew knew that he wouldn’t be getting much sleep. So instead he just stared at the stained ceiling of their dorm room, his thoughts empty, the only sound in the room was Neil’s soft snoring from where he was snuggling with his fox stuffed animal.
That’s why he notices when Neil wakes up. The snoring quiets to a stop and his deep breathing changes into shallow and harsh. The beginning of a panic attack. Andrew gives him a moment to settle his breathing before Andrew would walk across the room to bring him out of it.
Instead, the silence was broken with a muffled sob. Andrew stills. Not once, in the entire time that Andrew has known him, has Neil cried. The redhead lets out a wet sniffle and another broken sob.
Andrew looks over to see him sitting up in his bed. His knees were tucked under his chin and his face was buried in his arms in an attempt to muffle any noise. Andrew supposed it was because he didn’t want to wake up Andrew. That self-sacrificing idiot.
Andrew wraps his blanket around himself before shuffling across the cold wooden floor. The sobs halt at once as blue eyes lock on Andrew’s figure. Andrew slides into Neil’s bed next to him after a quick yes or no, and pulls Neil against him. That seemed to be Neil’s breaking point. He let out loud sobs that shook his entire body. He doesn’t move towards Andrew, seeming to try to keep his distance, though he doesn’t shove Andrew’s arm away. Andrew frowns, unsure of how to approach this situation. Neil trembles, his eyes glossy with tears. Andrew removes his arm, but that only makes Neil sob harder, somehow. Andrew puts his arm back and carefully broaches the situation.
“Nightmare?”
Neil nods, his whole body moving with it. He sniffles, then croaks out a “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t wake me, it wouldn’t have bothered me anyways Junkie.”
Neil shakes his head, apparently waking him up wasn’t the problem. They lay there for several minutes, silent except for sniffling and the occasional sob. Andrew didn’t know how to help if Neil wasn’t going to open up. His fingers tap against his thigh as he thinks. He had to do something, because as much as he loathes to admit it, he cares about Neil. He opens his mouth to speak, but Neil speaks up first.
“I meant-“ he lets out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry about making you come to Thanksgiving, even though I knew you didn’t want to go, that there was something between you and Luther.”
Andrew is shocked into silence. Neil trembles slightly at Andrew’s unresponsiveness. The blond had thought that they had left that all behind, but apparently it still was on Neil’s mind.
“How long have you been thinking about this?” Andrew asks, he tightens his arm around Neil.
“I haven’t stopped, over the past year it’s just been lingering in the back of my mind. I had a nightmare that you were angry and started ignoring me, not even acknowledging me, and…” he trails off, unwilling to finish.
“Neil… I’m not holding it against you. Drake was not your fault, it was Luther’s or possibly Riko’s. I was angry about it for a bit, but inside I knew that it wasn’t your fault and I was angry that I was weak. Deep down, I was never mad at you or blamed you for it. I care about you, and have for a long time. I love you, Neil, and nothing can change that.” He would never let Neil forget it either.
Neil stays crying again, this time for another reason. “I love you too,” he chokes out between sobs.
“You need to learn how to forgive yourself.” Andrew presses a kiss to Neil’s forehead. “If I can forgive you, surely you can do that, love.” Andrew coins his fingers through Neil’s hair. “If you want,” he adds after a moment.
Neil curls against Andrew’s side. He has done many bad things in his lifetime, during his time on the run and before that but… “Yeah, I think I can.”