Chapter Text
Ghost was getting ready to go to the gym when a soft knock sounded against his door. There was only one person who would dare knock on his door this late at night, so there was no hesitation as he moved to open it. Sure enough, Soap was standing in his doorway, hands folded against his chest as he looked up at Ghost. His posture was small, and Ghost could see anxiety in his wide eyes. He waved Soap in, guiding him to sit at the edge of the bed.
“What’s going on, Soap?” He dropped his gym bag and sat next to his boyfriend, giving him his full attention. The man was restless, fidgeting in three different ways Ghost could count at just a glance. Something was obviously bothering him, and it must have been serious if it was enough to bring him to the Lieutenant’s room at such a late hour.
“I… wanted to make a request. For our leave.” Ghost turned his body towards Soap, tilting his head in question. They had more than three whole weeks of scheduled leave coming up and had planned on going to Ghost’s apartment for it, considering Soap’s was in Scotland and the lease was expiring shortly. They’d already had the discussion about moving in together, which honestly wasn’t all that huge of a deal because they rarely spent their down time anywhere but base, let alone have enough time for the trip out to be worth it. It saved them both money for retirement, which ended up being a big conversation on its own. Either way, their leave was coming up and they hadn’t planned anything besides relaxing. Most of the things they did were in the moment, considering they had to remain flexible in case something came up.
“Of course, love, what do you need?” Soap shifted closer to Ghost, reaching out to hold his hand. He was nervous, seeking out contact with Ghost to soothe his nerves. Ghost of course gave the contact willingly, guiding him even closer. It took a while for Soap to gather the words he wanted. He’d been working on precise communication, as sometimes his (endearing) rambling made it hard for Ghost, and even himself, to truly interpret what he wanted or needed.
“I’d like… I’d like to spend some time regressed during our leave.” Ghost’s brain paused, trying to process the question. Soap had never once asked to regress, it had always been involuntary. That fact caused some concern to Ghost, worried that Soap had been hiding something that was causing him stress so much he felt the need to. His regression was associated with the decompression that happened at the beginning of unexpected breaks in stressful times or after especially long deployments, forcing him to process and feel the emotions that had been building up.
“Voluntary regression?” Yes, that was what Soap had suggested, but Ghost wanted to verbally confirm with him so he knew how to approach the conversation. Soap nodded, shifting position to get more comfortable.
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I don’t even know if I can go into headspace on purpose, but I think I want to try.” That cleared things up a little. Soap likely wasn’t hiding any huge stressors, though it seemed to be that if there was one it was probably having this conversation. Soap had been regressing for over four years now, and while they’d had many talks about it, he knew Soap still had a tendency to feel guilty about Ghost caring for him. It was a huge step to not only want to try and regress on purpose but to ask Ghost for dedicated time for it. Ghost could tell he had put a lot of thought into this.
“We can absolutely make time for that, Johnny. Can I ask what made you want to try going into headspace voluntarily?” Soap seemed to relax at Ghost’s reassurance, shoulders slumping down a little. He leaned against Ghost, squeezing his hand on and off.
“It always feels nice. I like being taken care of, and I always feel better afterwards. The more we prepared for it to happen, the easier it was to slip into headspace, the more I enjoyed it. I’d like to experience that at home with you.” The last sentence was whispered, like he didn’t want Ghost to hear it. He did, of course, and his heart felt about to burst. At home with you. Those words meant so much to Ghost, and he felt heat burn behind his eyes at the thought.
“I’d like to experience that with you, too, love. How about, after a workout, we talk a little about a plan?” Soap nodded, content with that. He’d been planning to bring the idea up for a while, and the opportunity had presented itself with their joined leave. He’d been worried Ghost wouldn’t agree because they did have things they needed to do, like take care of his soon expiring lease. Of course, he didn’t intend on spending their entire leave regressed, but he wanted to spend time with Ghost in their own home feeling that special sort of safe and comfortable.
Ghost stood up and grabbed his workout bag again, holding his hand out for Soap to take. They made their way to Soap’s room to grab his things and then headed over to the gym. The gym on base was empty at such a late hour, so it had become a routine for the two of them to workout together at night, enjoying the quiet company of each other. It probably also helped that Soap glared at anyone that entered the gym when they were there alone, so it had generally become known that the hour before open gym ended was their time.
They took their time, spotting each other, doing their exercises thoroughly and purposefully. There was no rush to finish, for once. A group of recruits had been brought on base for assessment by the 141, but their own superiors were in charge of them during the morning, leaving the team with some extra time before they needed to take over. No one would say anything about them getting up a little later than normal.
They did eventually get tired, making their way back to Ghost’s room to shower. It was a gentle, quiet evening, and as Soap worked his way into the covers of Ghost’s bed (“Quite the assumption you’re making there, pretty boy.”), Ghost sat down with a notebook. These kinds of conversations didn’t really scare Soap anymore, but they were intimidating. He knew he could be nervous to talk about it and still do it. Besides, with Ghost so receptive to his idea it made him significantly less nervous.
“You said you want to try to voluntarily regress during our leave.” Soap nodded his confirmation. “Why don’t we start with the regression part itself. I think we should make a list of things that might help you regress, stay regressed, and what we should do if things go wrong.”
Soap pulled out his phone, opening his notes app. There was already something pulled up that he was scrolling through.
“This is a list of things that make me feel especially… nice… when I’m little. A lot of it is just nicknames and the way you help me with tasks. Especially the tasks like helping me get dressed or eat or brush my teeth.” Soap handed over the phone, showing Ghost the list that the screen was open to.
Nicknames:
- Baby boy
- Little one
- Angel
- Dove
- Pup
Taking over tasks like:
- Eating
- Getting dressed
- Showering
- Brushing teeth
“Those are just things I thought of off the top of my head. Nothing you do ever makes me feel bad, if I’m being honest.” The list was quite helpful regardless, giving Ghost a good idea of how he could start their day. Soap tended to stay regressed for longer periods of time, up to days at a time without leaving his headspace. With that in mind, he already had an idea of things he wanted to do but he needed to check with Soap first.
“What about things to do? Do you want to go out, or would you rather stay at home?” Soap stilled at that question before slowly leaning his head against Ghost’s chest. Ghost was quiet as Soap took a couple deep breaths.
“I’d like to go out. One thing I want to do is, um, go shopping for stuff? Nothing crazy, but I think I want some softer, cute clothes. Honestly, I was looking at pinterest again and every time I see the cute things, I just want them so badly.” Ghost added that to a new list of things he’d decided they would for sure do. He’d have to figure out some good stores to go to, though. Soap was much more comfortable with his regression now, but preferred it stay private overall. He jotted down a few stores he’d have to investigate.
“Okay, do you have anything else in mind?” Soap hummed, running his fingers along the soft of Ghost’s belly as he thought. When he was regressed, he frequently found himself letting Ghost take over for him when it came to big decisions like that. Even if he gave Soap options, it was still easier than trying to decide on his own.
“I think I’d like to let you decide what we do, but I don’t mind if we go out to do something or stay in. As long as its with you, I’ll be happy.” Ghost smiled, ruffling Soap’s hair. He wrote a few more things down, an equal number of things to do out in the world or at home. He was starting to develop a plan, and he was almost grateful that the recruits were on base because it gave him time to plan out what he wanted to do.
“Ok. We have a plan for when you have a hard time when regressed normally, do you think that plan will be effective if something happens while you’re slipping into headspace?” Ghost was a little worried that Soap would panic as he regressed, mostly because he’d never done this voluntarily before.
“I think so. The biggest thing is physical contact and keeping me in that routine, whether it’s little oriented or big oriented. That helps keep me calm, and it should make the transition either way fairly smooth if something goes haywire.” He hadn’t had a panic attack when regressed for a couple months now, so he was confident he could manage the transition voluntarily pretty well. If not, Ghost had his emergency plan written down on paper if he ever needed it. Hopefully they wouldn’t need it.
“Alright. Leave the rest of planning to me. Ready for sleep?” Soap shifted around so he was facing Ghost, curled into his side. He looked up at his partner with sleepy blue eyes, finding unending love and affection in the deep whiskey brown looking back at him. He leaned up and kissed Ghost, slow and soft. As long as he was at Ghost’s side, he’d be ready for anything. Especially sleep.
“Goodnight, Si. Love you.” His eyes slipped closed as he rested his head back down against Ghost’s chest. There was a ghost of a touch at the top of his head and warm, strong arms wrapped around him.
“Love you, Johnny.”
--
The morning sun was already shining through the window when Johnny opened his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that wasn’t what woke him up, though, rather it had been Simon rubbing his back. His deep, morning rough voice invaded his hazy thoughts, still clouded by sleep.
“Time to wake up, little love.” Johnny felt his cheeks flush immediately, curling up and hiding in the blanket. It was the morning they were due to head to Simon’s apartment for leave. They’d had a more in-depth conversation about how the first day of their leave would go (though Simon hadn’t actually told him which day was the last day Johnny would be regressed). Simon wanted to ease him into it, starting simple at the beginning of the day and getting more into their routine by the evening. He couldn’t help letting the nickname slip, though, adoring how it never failed to dust Johnny’s cheeks the loveliest shade of pink.
“No hiding, we gotta get up. We have a bit of a drive to get to the apartment and I want to leave early.” Johnny peeked out from underneath the blanket. Simon was dressed in civvies, a pair of black sweats and matching t-shirt, a face mask hanging off one of his ears.
“There he is.” Simon leaned forward to kiss Johnny’s forehead. “Good morning, love. Ready to get dressed and get breakfast?”
The mention of breakfast piqued Johnny’s interest. Simon had promised him pancakes if he cooperated with Simon’s schedule. He wasn’t exactly a morning person, usually needing some time and a cup of coffee before he could summon his trademark energy. Pancakes, however, he could wake up for immediately. With a little reluctance Johnny slipped out from the blanket and into Simon’s arms. His face was attacked by an onslaught of kisses, pulling a giggle from his chest. Simon pulled him into his lap, placing one last big kiss on his cheek.
“Ok, do you remember our plan for the morning?” Johnny nodded, opening his mouth to repeat the plan. He was surprised to find how difficult it was to get the words out, the comfortable haze of his headspace already filling his thoughts. It wasn’t totally there yet, though, so he just needed to take a small moment to breathe.
“Get dressed, get ready, breakfast, drive.” He and Simon had gone over the plan last night, making sure Johnny knew how the morning would go as they got ready to leave and Simon helped him slip into headspace. Johnny liked routine a lot more when he was regressed, so having the plan laid out would help keep him calm and focused.
“Very good.” Simon praised, helping Johnny to stand. “Do you want help with your morning routine, or do you want to do it yourself?”
It always filled Simon with pride when Johnny would pause to genuinely assess where he was and if he needed help. He had a much harder time with that in his normal life, so it was good to see that it was a skill Johnny could transfer over to his big self.
“Can do it myself, Si. Thank you.” Simon nodded and pointed to the clothes they’d picked out the night before, standing as well to go and get Johnny’s washcloth and toothbrush out. He was joined quickly, Johnny attaching himself to Simon’s side.
“Teeth, then face.” Johnny whispered, taking Simon’s place once everything was out on the counter. He brushed his teeth, handing over the toothbrush and toothpaste when he was done to get put away before washing his face, taking a moment to pause and smell the cleanser. It had a very faint tropical sent to it that always made Johnny happy. Simon took the cleanser when he was done and returned it to its designated place on the shelf, waiting for Johnny to hand over the towel so he could hang it up.
With both of them ready and their bags packed, they set everything next to the door and made their way to the mess for breakfast. Johnny held tight to Simon’s hand. They knew they were safe; the recruits were out being trained by their COs and a good amount of people had just been deployed for a short mission. Gaz and Price both knew of their plans so if they were around, it was less likely for others to approach them.
By the time they made it to the mess, Simon was being dragged to the pancakes, barely able to stop Johnny’s momentum to grab them a tray. The lady behind the counter smiled when she saw them, and Simon was struck by the curious thought that she might know more than she let on.
“And how are my favorite boys doing this lovely morning?” Johnny bounced on his feet and looked at her, glancing down at the pancakes and then up again.
“Good! Pancake breakfast today!” As if she had no idea there were pancakes on the menu, the lady gasped loudly.
“Pancakes?” She exclaimed, sneaking over to stand closer to Johnny so only he could hear her. “I’ll cut you a deal, you tell me a cool fact and I’ll get you an extra pancake.”
Johnny hummed thoughtfully, eyes flicking about as he searched his encyclopedia of a brain.
“Any fact?” He questioned, receiving a vigorous nod in response. Simon was eager to see what fact Johnny would tell them this time.
“The dwarf planet 90482 Orcus is a transneptunian object, meaning that every two orbits of the dwarf planet equals three orbits of Neptune, and is the largest known plutino, a group of transneptunian objects that make up the inner part of the Kuiper Belt.” Simon and the lady both blinked, staring at Johnny. He honestly wasn’t sure where his boy pulled that fact from, but it seemed to thoroughly impress the lady, who promptly put two extra pancakes on his tray as well as an apple juice.
“Enjoy your breakfast, boys.” Simon gave her a nod and Johnny waved goodbye. With their usual breakfast in hand, they sat down at the table to eat. Johnny did a pretty good job with his breakfast, needing a little help to cut up the pancakes when he got a bit too excited about the combination of breakfast and space facts. It brought Simon back to the first day he’d spent with Johnny regressed, the boy falling asleep in his arms as he read him a book about physics and space. He’d developed a growing interest in space from that point.
Breakfast was over quickly, Johnny eager to get going and see what the day held for them. He helped clean up their table, taking the trays to the kitchen and thanking them before returning to Simon’s side. All they had left to do was grab their bags and start driving. Simon had surprised him with a little squishy dog clip for his travel bag, which he of course had to name Riley considering the mini plush was a little German shepherd. Arriving at Simon’s room one last time, they ran through a checklist to ensure they had everything they needed. As much as this break was for relaxing, there were a couple of matters they needed to take care of.
Simon watched as Johnny checked his backpack, filled with his stim toys and regression things. He had also put his favorite blanket in the backpack since there was still quite a bit of space. Though, if Simon had his way, that backpack would be filled to the brim with overflow by the time their leave was over. As Johnny was putting his things back in, Simon caught a glimpse of the little cat and puppy stuffed animals he had gotten for his boy about two years ago. They were well loved and well maintained, and every time Simon saw them, he couldn’t help the surge of affection that flooded his chest with warmth. The fact that Johnny trusted him enough to care for him in such a vulnerable state never failed to make him feel uncharacteristically emotional.
“Ready?” The soft voice pulled Simon out of his thoughts, turning his attention to Johnny standing by the door with his backpack on and travel bag in hand. He was also carrying the white bin with the paperwork they’d need later, but Simon took that from him, hushing him quickly when Johnny began to protest.
“Hush, pup. Let me carry it, you’re already carrying all of your things like such a good boy, I can carry the box, ok?” Johnny’s face flushed as he shyly handed over the box. Simon locked the door to his room and held out his hand for Johnny to take, leading him out to the car. Johnny followed quietly, his face still flaming red as he hid behind him. His headspace was floating just at the edge of his thoughts, and it occurred to him, distantly, that it had actually been very easy to get to this point.
Johnny found his regression to be a very curious but comfortable experience. He never fully felt like he left himself, but everything had this hazy, soft edge to it. When his regression was completely stress induced, the first day or so would be filled with panic attacks and feeling small and terrified and guilty and weak. Now, though, with Simon, it’s a soft and gentle experience, like lying in a cloud. Simon was always so willing to take over for Johnny, to make decisions for him and comfort and spoil him, let him process and relax at his own pace. Regression was also the only time Johnny didn’t feel like he needed to constantly be on the go or moving. He was more than content to sit with Simon and listen to him read, or watch movies, or just sit and play with his toys.
As they reached the car, they put their travel bags and bin in the trunk, Johnny keeping close to Simon’s side the whole time. The backpack stayed with him, soon to be tucked between his feet in the bottom of the footwell. Johnny was feeling pleasantly soft and hazy, so he went easy as Simon guided him to the passenger door and got him seated and buckled. He had been given the task of choosing the music for the trip to the apartment, which would only be about an hour give or take. He pulled the blanket out of his backpack and tossed it across his lap, looking over to the driver’s side as the door opened and Simon sat down. He pulled out his phone and handed it to Johnny, who promptly began searching for his favorite playlist. There wasn’t one set genre to it, just a compilation of his favorite songs. He put his current repeat listens in the queue to be played first, then hit shuffle for the ones to come after it. As Simon pulled out of the car park and tagged out of the base, Johnny hit play and clapped softly as the first song started to sound from the speakers. Simon knew all the songs on this playlist well. Johnny had a habit of listening to a short set of songs on repeat until they were slowly replaced by other songs. He usually maintained a set of 15-20 songs, but this playlist was all the songs he’d had on repeat in the past put together. The most recent ones were put into the queue in a very familiar order.
It didn’t take long for them to hit farmland, and Simon was looking forward to the first farm that would pass close to the road. He knew it was approaching when Johnny started to pat his legs, slowly at first but picking up speed. A quick glance to Johnny’s side of the car revealed a vast field with cows dotted across the horizon. Any moment now.
“Cows.” Johnny whispered, the excitement in his voice evident. The boy loved farm animals. There was a farm not far from their base that they could see from the watch tower by the range. An unexpected break from a mission not long ago mixed with little Johnny having a severe panic attack led to the discovery of this fact, Simon calming the boy enough to get him to climb up there so they could have some solitary peace and quiet. One look out the massive windows gave them a view of the farm, little specks of black and white spotting the field. Johnny calmed a little bit almost immediately, hands locked on Simon as he dragged the man to the window. He signed cow, then pointed to the field. It took Simon a moment to find the cows, tiny as they were from so far away, but he spotted them.
“Cows.” Simon parroted, hearing Johnny pat his legs fairly aggressively. A little chant of ‘cows, cows, cows’ followed as they passed the farm. The patting picked back up when another farm came into view, accompanied by a soft ‘sheep’, a little more reverent this time. They didn’t see sheep often, and Johnny especially loved the fluffy little creatures. He’d had sheep back home, he told Simon, though he had to give them to a sanctuary not long into his career in the army.
“Got any sheep facts for me today?” Johnny loved telling Simon facts, a shortened version of his usual habit of infodumping. Simon loved both habits.
“Most sheep are either immune or very resistant to snake venom, like pit viper venom.” Simon hummed, curious.
“Why is that?”
“They naturally produce antivenom, and it’s used to produce antivenom for people as well. Not all sheep are immune to it, though, and they can be weak to other kinds of venom.” That made sense, can’t have it all can ya.
“That’s really interesting. Were your sheep immune?” Johnny looked over to Simon, gaze sweeping across the view before landing on his partner.
“Never found out, thankfully. Kept ‘em safe as we could.” Johnny smiled, thinking about his old sheep. He remembered the feel of their wool, and how they trusted him so much that they lay still for their shaving. The scenery passed by in a blur, the occasional farm being marked by a call of ‘cow’ or ‘horse’ and quite a few more animal facts. As they drove, the calls got a quieter, the leg pats eventually ceasing. Simon glanced to the side to see Johnny fighting to keep his eyes open. He smiled, seeing Johnny’s hands balled up in the fluffy fabric of the blanket. Johnny was trying so hard to stay awake and watch the animals, lulled into calm by the music (though honestly, the music itself was not very calm).
Not much later, the houses they passed became more and more frequent and soon the outskirts of the town came into view. The town was about thirty minutes away from Brighton, so while they certainly weren’t without resources, they would have plenty of peace and quiet. The complex of apartment buildings he lived in was tucked into an area lush with trees and gardens and parks, a nice school nearby and a couple little shops that were closer to downtown. He parked in the lot and rummaged through the middle console to find the keys to his apartment. As quietly as possible, he got out and closed his door, walking around to open Johnny’s. He knelt next to the boy, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up.
“Good morning, sleepy. We’re home.” It took Johnny a moment to adjust to being awake again, smiling sleepily when he realized Simon was next to him. He stretched his limbs out, squeaking with the effort, and made to stand up. Simon helped him fold the blanket and get it back into his backpack before leading them to the back of the car.
“We’ve got to bring our stuff upstairs, but as soon as we’re there we can take a proper nap.” Johnny hummed in response, the idea of laying down in an actual bed, not the cots they were begrudgingly used to, was positively wonderful. He followed Simon with shuffled steps, grabbing his travel bag and relenting when his partner wouldn’t let him grab the bin, jokingly telling him he'd need all his focus to get up the stairs with how sleepy he was. Johnny wanted to be put out by the teasing but he honestly thought that might be true. He was just eager to get to the apartment so he could collapse into bed.
They only had one flight of stairs to go up before they arrived at an apartment right at the start of the hallway. Johnny wobbled on his feet, bumping into Simon as he tried to balance his weight. Once the door was unlocked and opened, Simon’s free hand wrapped around Johnny’s waist to guide him in. He’d been here a couple times already so he knew where the rooms were, but he didn’t find himself inclined to leave Simon’s side. He wobbled behind the man, following as Simon walked to the living room after doing the locks. He placed the bin on the counter and did a quick walkthrough of the apartment, checking each room before finally arriving at the bedroom. The bedroom had a dresser with a decently sized tv atop it, two closets, a door that led to the bathroom and a bed that took up most of the room. Simon instructed Johnny to put his clothes in the drawers on the left side of the dresser and grab his sleep shirt. He did as he was told, changing into the ratty grey shirt and tossing his blanket onto the bed. Simon had already changed into a loose pair of shorts and was rummaging through one of the closets.
Johnny walked up behind him and peeked into the closet, letting out a yelp when a massive blanket was dropped onto his head. It flowed over his face and he giggled, startled by the sudden loss of vision. A couple more were dropped onto the first one before they were finally taken off. The blankets were all various greys and blues, all the same luxuriously soft, vaguely fluffy fabric. Simon tossed them onto the bed, joining Johnny’s blanket. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist, lifting him up and memorizing the giggle he got in response, so sweet and gentle and sleepy. He shook Johnny in his arms for a moment, holding him as close as possible, unable to resist the surge of almost-aggression that sometimes accompanied such a large surge of affection.
“My sleepy, sleepy boy. Are you ready for a nap?” Johnny wiggled around so he was tucked up against Simon’s side with his legs wrapped around his waist, head leaned on his shoulder. He mumbled something in response, unintelligible and honestly, even he wasn’t quite sure what he said. All he knew was that the bed and those soft blankets were calling his name. He pointed to it, signing sleepy and cuddle before tucking up to Simon again.
“Of course, pup. Always cuddles before naptime.” Johnny smiled and nuzzled his face against Simon’s neck, pressing a soft kiss there. The sleepiness from the car ride was coming back in full force now that he was off his feet, letting Simon carry him to the bed and place him down gently. He watched as he shuffled the blankets and sheets around him, only climbing in with his boy once he was satisfied with their set up. Johnny immediately crawled up to Simon, pressing as close as he could. The blankets were pulled up to his chin, surrounding him in soft fabric and silky sheets. Simon hummed to him softly, rubbing his back as he slipped into the hazy pull of sleep.
When Simon was sure his boy was asleep, he shifted carefully and grabbed his phone. He knew with Johnny asleep in his arms, he’d soon join, but it took him a little longer to get there. For the time being, he wanted to scroll through his plans for the week. It didn’t take long for the pull of sleep to get to him, though, so he set an alarm and clicked his phone shut. Johnny shuffled closer as he adjusted his arms, and Simon pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
___
The sound of an increasing alarm pulled Simon out of his sleep, shaking off the cloudy haze of his thoughts as he searched the bed for his phone. Johnny mumbled something as Simon reached over him and finally found his phone, turning the alarm off. Thoroughly awake after almost having to tear the bed apart to get to his phone, Simon sat up. Johnny was slowly waking up, mumbling every so often as he tried to get his eyes to stay open. He was still clinging to Simon, though, so he resigned himself to scrolling his phone for a couple minutes before Johnny propped himself up on one hand, rubbing his face with the other. It would be a couple more minutes until he was fully awake but at least now he was up and moving. Simon tucked his phone into his shorts pocket and turned to Johnny, finding bleary blue eyes looking up at him.
“Want a snack?” Johnny nodded, the mention of food waking him up. He crawled over Simon, earning him a grumble from the blonde, before finding a pair of shorts in his drawer. He stood by the door, bouncing from foot to foot as he waited for Simon. Once they were both dressed, they headed out to the kitchen. There wasn’t much to be found in the kitchen but after a little looking, they were able to put together a little bowl of pretzels and dried fruit. They’d go shopping at an actual grocery store tomorrow, for now this little snack would be ok. Today was for relaxing and easing into the week ahead. When Johnny was fully in his headspace, then they could get to their activities.
As they settled on the couch, Johnny having gone and gotten his blanket from the bedroom, Johnny tapped Simon’s knee to get his attention. Show? He signed, which Simon knew meant he wanted to watch tv.
“Do you want to watch the show we were watching yesterday or something different?” Johnny hummed as Simon flicked the TV on, pulling up a streaming app.
“Yesterday, please.” He watched as Simon found the sci-fi show they had started the other day after hearing Gaz give it some very high praise.
“Mind if we start the episode over, love?” Johnny shook his head, and Simon pressed play. Simon liked to watch episodes from start to finish, and Johnny didn’t mind the recap. They shifted closer together, the bowl of snacks between them as the show started.
The one thing Johnny had been most adamant about once they both got more comfortable with their roles in Johnny’s regression was that, although he definitely needed more help with things and needed Simon to take over for him for a little while, he did not want to be babied. He loved the nicknames, they made him feel special and loved and cared for in all the right ways, and Simon always knew what he needed help with and when to take over on tasks Johnny struggled with.
The thing is, Johnny’s a soldier. He's hyper independent by nature and nurture and more than used to having to fend for himself. He’s seen things most people wouldn’t be able to imagine, and then done those same things himself, so even when his mind told him the world was too big and he was feeling too small, he did not like being babied. He had a routine, and Simon helped him stick to it. He had a hard time reading, processing the big words and long sentences, so Simon would lay down and read to him so he could enjoy the books without getting frustrated. When his hands wouldn’t move like he wanted them to, Simon would do his jacket zipper or tie his shoes for him as if it were the same thing as passing him a plate in the kitchen or a tool out in the field. There was never any judgement or condescension in the way Simon helped him.
The only time he ever let Simon baby him in any way was when his regression started with panic or fear. During those times, hearing Simon coo at him with his low, gentle voice soothed him more than anything else ever could. The way Simon would wrap him up in a blanket and give him a water bottle with juice or chocolate milk in it to sip on made him feel taken care of and safe. Even then, though, Simon would still talk to him like he always would, asked him permission to change his clothes or which drink he would prefer.
Most of the time, his regression looked like this. Sitting with Simon watching a tv show or listening to him read, nothing different besides the fact that he needed a little more help. There was a lot less talking on Johnny’s part but that was really only verbal. They’d learned a good amount of BSL for when Johnny had a hard time getting words out, and when he could talk he tended to speak in shorter sentences. Simon loved when he talked, though, the facts he would tell Simon in that soft little voice of his was a sound he hoped to remember for the rest of his life.
Johnny looked up at Simon, a small smile tugging at his lips as the other man looked down to him. He giggled as a quick slew of kisses was pressed across his face before Simon was settling them back to face the TV. He hadn’t missed much, thankfully, but Simon rewound it for him anyway. They watched a couple more episodes until Johnny’s stomach lets out a loud grumble and they both laugh.
“Dinner time, my little love?” Johnny nods happily.
“Hungry, Si.” Simon smiles at the precious voice he gets to hear. He pulls out his phone and opens a delivery app. There are a couple options at the top, places he favorited since he’s been to them before.
“What sounds good, Johnny? We got Indian, Chinese, even some pubs around here that deliver, whatever you want.” Obviously, he wasn’t suggesting they drink, but Johnny turned into quite the foodie when he was little. He always insisted they make dinner themselves, since they were usually on base, or convinced Price to let them order food for the four of them.
“Chinese? Maybe the usual, please?” Johnny gave his best puppy dog eyes, partially because he knew Simon couldn’t resist them. Sure enough, Simon agrees and taps on the restaurant. He finds the foods they usually get and place the order, resuming the episode while they wait for the food. When it arrives, they pause it only to get the food from the door and grab silverware, settling back on the couch with their takeout boxes. By the time they finish eating, distracted by the show as it gets intense, it’s almost Johnny’s bedtime.
“Ready to pause for the night?” Simon asks, showing Johnny the time on his phone. As much as Simon would love to give in to Johnny’s usual pleas to stay up late, he knows the boy will be grumpy in the morning if he doesn’t get enough sleep, and anything under six hours means he gets a headache. They compromised on a ten pm bedtime, though he didn’t have to be asleep by then because unfortunately, insomnia didn’t stop for little Johnny.
“Mhm.” Johnny hums, helping Simon clean up their food and throw away the boxes. The little food that’s left over is put into containers and into the fridge. As Johnny makes his way to the bedroom to start getting ready, Simon stops him with a hand around his waist.
“Love, I have a little surprise for you tonight. Just something small, but you gotta open it before bed.” Johnny stood up on his tip toes, head tilted to the side in question. They’d talked about how their leave would go, though only vaguely because Simon had wanted a lot of it to be a surprise. Johnny was excited to see what his first surprise was.
Taking Johnny’s hand, Simon led him to the bedroom. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out a smaller backpack. Johnny giggled at the sight of a small backpack coming out a similarly colored, bigger backpack. The bag was handed to him as Simon sat them both down on the side of the bed.
“The bag is part of it, I thought you might like a smaller one so you can carry some of your things with you while we go places this week. The more important part is inside of it, though.” Johnny unzipped it excitedly, finding something inside of a gift bag. It was light, and upon squishing the bag a little it felt like fabric. Johnny pulled the object out of the bag, finding that it was indeed fabric, and shook it loose to discover it was a shirt.
A very big, baby blue shirt with white clouds and little yellow stars all over it. The colors were all pastel and easy on the eyes, and the fabric was incredibly soft. It was the cutest article of clothing Johnny had ever held in his own two hands. Heat welled behind his eyes as he looked to Simon, tears slipping down his cheeks as he held the shirt close to his chest. Simon smiled, warm and loving, as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.
“Those better be happy tears.” He teased, ruffling Johnny’s hair. He knew they were. Johnny had been talking about getting some sleep shirts he could keep specifically for when he was little, just something small and comforting he could associate with his regression. Johnny could smell the detergent Simon always used on the new shirt and his heart swelled even more knowing he’d washed it so Johnny could wear it to sleep.
Words were hard to find, so he tapped Simon’s knee to make sure he knew he was signing. Thank you, Si. Love it so much. Simon’s smile grew a little wider as he stood up.
“Let me help you put it on?” Johnny nodded, lifting his arms up as Simon lifted the shirt he had on up and off in one quick motion, accompanied by a very silly whoosh noise that always made Johnny laugh, and slipped the blue one on. Seeing the soft, pastel blue on himself was such a simple thing but it made that hazy edge to his thoughts surge forward, pillowing around him just like the clouds on his shirt. He reached up at Simon, opening and closing his hands a couple times to signal he needed help. Simon helped him to stand up and step out of his shorts, slipping his own shirt off before leading them to the bathroom.
Johnny felt his face flush as he stared at his toothbrush. He looked down at his hands, one held tightly in Simon’s, and knew they wouldn’t cooperate with him. It almost felt like his hands were numb, fingers unable to grasp things thoroughly. Help? He asked, looking down at the tile. Simon placed a finger under his chin and lifted his head so he could meet his gaze.
“Always help, Johnny.” Simon smiled again as he wet Johnny’s toothbrush, put some toothpaste on it and prompted Johnny to open his mouth. He brushed his boys teeth, ensuring he got every angle before having him rinse the bubbles and spit them out. He ran a brush through Johnny’s wild mohawk before lifting Johnny onto the counter as he quickly ran through his own tasks, though he spent the whole two minutes brushing his teeth when Johnny glared at him for stopping early.
“Okay, pup. Bed time now.” Johnny yawned as Simon picked him up from the counter and carried him back to the bed. This time, the TV was turned on low and brightness adjusted. Johnny wriggled close as he was tucked in for a second time that day. Simon pressed a kiss to the top of his head, his forehead, and finally his nose.
“I love you, little one.” He whispered, watching as the comfort of the soft bed and blankets and proximity to him lulled Johnny into sleep. He was just awake enough to open his eyes, press a kiss to his fingers, and place his hand atop Simon’s heart. I love you, too.