Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wealth. Fame. Power. Monkey D. Luffy, the King of the Pirates, attained everything this world had to offer. He found the One Piece. And even more than the treasure of the previous Pirate King Gol D. Roger, he attained the most sought treasure of mankind for all the world to rejoice in– the treasure of Freedom.

More priceless than all the gold of the world. More renown than Heaven itself and its golden gates. More powerful than the Gods and all their fickleness. Straw Hat Luffy won freedom for every poor enslaved soul, whether they’d been an actual slave or enslaved to the rigid unfair order that had structured their society, by dismantling the Celestial Dragons and defeating the one who sat upon the throne of the world. And as he stood atop that crumbled palace atop the world as they knew it, the Straw Hat Crew and Grand Fleet surrounding him in his victory, his grin was one that would be remembered for the rest of their history.

However, that is not where the story of Straw Hat Luffy ends. Even death itself was not the end of his story. For the power this man had attained was not one to be reached without equal consequence.

The brightest souls burned on the shortest fuse, burning all their light in one, bursting supernova before they faded into the dark. Monkey D. Luffy spent the last of his life in a battle against the rival pirate Black Beard when the other attempted to take advantage of the instability left in the wake of the power vacuum. The Straw Hat Crew defeated all who tried to tear apart the freedom they had won, and in turn, fell shortly after the end of their war.

But not a single one regretted their end. Because to these supposedly lawless, no-good pirates, to die together with their Nakama was the best death one could have. Luffy was the same. Smiling at the people he loved most in the world, he was the first to move on to the next grand adventure.

“The next grand adventure”– usually for the ilk of pirates, this would refer to Hell. Another world where the souls of various mortal realms were condemned to as punishment for their sins in life. However, this man was the King of the Pirates, the one who had won the freedom of his world, and to top it off had the touch of the divine within. So instead, Straw Hat Luffy opened his eyes to see the shining gold gates of Heaven, as well as the Seraph who stood before them in greeting. She had been expecting him.

“Welcome, Monkey D. Luffy. It is not every day we have the chance to receive the soul of a divine being, so I thought to induct you personally,” Sera’s voice resounded with the importance those words deserved, even bowing her head slightly as a show of respect before she straightened to smile at the once mortal man.

The reincarnation of Nika merely stared at her, but a certain amount of readjustment was expected when it came to transitioning to the afterlife. She did not hold it against him, clarifying, “The realm of Heaven awaits you.”

“Heaven…? Oh, so that’s real,” it was a rather simple statement, given the man apparently hadn’t believed in the divine beforehand. His head only tilted in confusion when he moved on to ask, “And what’d ya mean divine being? I’m no god, I’m the Pirate King!”

The title was declared with boasting pride. Luffy smiled up at her with his hands planted on his waist, grin taking up most of his small face. Even with how long Sera had been in existence, she found the sight rather… endearing, and found herself smiling just a bit more than the polite cordialness she usually possessed. But such is the nature of Nika, she supposed.

“If you are not aware, that can also be explained in time. For now, I must bring you into your new world as well as explain the ground rules of how things work here.”

She moved to wave a hand at the gates, intending to open them, only to be interrupted by Luffy speaking up, “Huh? Rules?! I have to follow rules even though I’m dead?!”

Sera turned back to examine the man’s apparent outrage, her smile fading. She tried to ignore the slight absurdity of the situation to give a serious explanation, “But of course. How ever would Heaven maintain its order without its many divine ordainments? For the sake of ensuring the peace, happiness, and safety of all our people, they must all follow our rules.”

“ …In that case, can I just go somewhere else then?”

She stared at the man. He stared back.

He was being serious, and she couldn’t comprehend how that could be the case.

Still, Sera maintained her propriety as she slowly explained, “The only other place you could go to is Hell. Would you truly prefer a realm of depravity and pain over the light of Heaven?”

“Do they have rules there too?” Surely, this being a bad joke would be preferable to this divine being honestly asking–

“Yes. Sinners are not permitted past the top Ring of Hell, the Ring of Pride. There is also an order ordained in Hell, though it is headed by Lucifer and his Sins rather than Heaven itself, and their control is not absolute. So while technically there is more room for unlawful behavior, it is not without its own rules– ”

“So I can just break the rules there like I usually do. That’s fine then! Can you send me there instead?” and then as though in afterthought, Luffy’s brows furrowed for a short second before his smile returned in full to add on, “Can you send me there please?”

“You know not what you ask, you fool…”

Sera finally had to put her foot down. Her one voice echoed into many. The eyes of Heaven opened upon her person and her form shifted, wings spreading wide.

Frowning severely, she intoned, “Hell is a pit of suffering! You, who have earned your place in eternal rest, do not deserve to be condemned! It is not safe there. Not only due to its inhabitants, but also due to Heaven’s culling of the populous to maintain our order. You do not deserve to be among those sacrificed in the Exterminations. Therefore, you need only accept the place you are meant to now reside.”

She began to calm herself as she spoke, at first certain that her frankness would allow this fool to see the error of his ways. But when she witnessed the way Monkey D. Luffy’s grin fell into an unimpressed stare… she recognized he was not moved.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Luffy tilted his head ever so slightly as he scoffed, “Now I really don’t wanna go with you. What kinda Heaven is this? It’s like the stupid Nobles all over again!”

Offense rose in a fiery burn as she immediately objected, “Do not compare the sanctity of true divinity with the like of those conceited mortals– ”

“Why shouldn’t I? The only truth I know is what I see, and what I see is that I won’t be free in this place! So I won’t go!” with that last huff, the man had the nerve to turn his back to her, insisting, “But fine. If you won’t send me there, I’ll just find that other place myself.”

Sera scoffed with the derision that idea deserved, “That is not how the afterlife works, Monkey D. Luffy. One cannot simply move to the other realm of their own will– ”

“Oh wait– I think I can see it all the way down there. Nice, that was easy! Even Zoro would’ve been able to find it… or not! Haha!” stupidly grinning at his own private joke, Luffy glanced back at Sera for one short wave before looking down through the clouds that made up the ground as once again.

“Well bye I guess, Angel-lady! You’re an angel, right? Whatever. If any of my crew get sent here, could you just send them down where I am instead? That’d be great! Thanks!”

He thanked her without Sera having even agreed to his absurd request. Then, with a hand firmly planted on his straw hat, took one step out into a now open space –since when had the path cleared?!– and simply… fell.

Entirely by his own will, the King of the Pirates, the one who had won the freedom of his world, the reincarnation the Sun God Nika himself, fell down into Hell.

Sera could hear his rambunctious laughter echo back up into the Heavens in his freefall, trailing off the further he went until it faded back into the ether from wince it came. Evidently, he found falling from Heaven all the way down to Hell to be a thrilling experience.

For one moment, she was stuck in place, staring without comprehension at the sight. The next, she reflected on what had occurred to lead to such a horrid turn of events. She even considered the accusations the man had put forward, wondering if the order of Heaven and the dirty work of its Exterminations was not as it was, would Monkey D. Luffy have accepted their world? There was even a small, quiet part of her that questioned that if a being of such a caliber had not thought them worthy… did Heaven truly shine as brightly as they believed it to?

And then the rumination was ruined in the next moment, when Sera thought of the news she would have to bring back beyond the gates. Handing raising to cover the normal set of eyes on her face, she sighed deeply.

“Oh Lords above have mercy… Garp is never going to shut up after he hears about this!”

It was a happy day in Hell. Or at least, it was for the Radio Demon.

There was some commotion occurring in the heart of Pentagram City, a particularly messy turf war no doubt. The fires that spread from various explosions was so extensive, the smell of burning flesh permeated the air. It was quite the enticing scent. One that drew out the hunger that was always seated deep within his gut, tempting him to indulge in a light pre-supper snack. Thus, Alastor decided to have a short trip out to see if there were any prime cuts lying around that he could partake in.

Of course, he had been a tad too optimistic about the matter. Gasoline and dirty oil driven fires did not make for a fine dining experience, and what choice parts there were he found much too overdone by the time he came upon them. He collected a couple arms and legs regardless, though. His standards were known to be quite high after all. A good portion of Cannibal Town would find the meat to be a proper hardy meal, so might as well not let the corpses go to waste and make some extra money off the sale.

His shadow had just finished swallowing an upper torso when the next thing of interest caught his eye. Or rather, it almost caught his entire body. If he’d not taken a good number of steps back into the alleyway he’d been standing beside, a newly fallen sinner would’ve slammed down right into him.

“Oh! Why, hello there! Have a nice fall? Aha!” it was overdone, but a classic was a classic. Alastor allowed himself a short, distorted chuckle that was echoed by a grainy laugh-track. His eternal grin curled just a tad mean.

His gaze swept over the sinner as the guy pulled himself out of the rather comical crater he’d smashed into the pavement. Alastor didn’t usual bother himself with others unless they’d proven themselves to be interesting, but since the newest poor unfortunate soul had given him a nice laugh, he supposed the man deserved at least an initial glance over.

The sinner was rather casual about the crash landing, simply moving to stand and brush himself off. Seemingly not in pain. His form was mostly that of a tan humanoid demon, a good head shorter than Alastor, with a slim, black-furred tail that swished behind him and a matching set of round ears that peaked out of the sides of his hair just beneath the straw hat atop his head. He seemed unconcerned with modesty, though not to a perverted extent thankfully, donning torn shorts and leaving his red shirt open to reveal his chest and the striking, large red X marring its center. His hands were also somewhat larger than normal, likely better for gripping, and Alastor allowed one of his brows to raise slightly when he glanced down to see the other’s sandals showcased slightly elongated, prehensile feet. Very clearly a monkey-demon, then. A somewhat uncommon form. Perhaps he liked monkeying around in life? Another knee-slapper right there!

Glancing back up at the man’s face, Alastor realized it looked more like a boy’s. He was rather young, though whether that was due to being young at heart or dying young remained to be seen. The only feature to mar his face was a thin red scar that curved underneath one eye. Wide eyes, black and round, stared back into his own gaze with a lack of fear Alastor tributed to simple ignorance as the boy asked, “Hey, Deer-Guy. Is this place Hell?”

A track of applause played as Alastor gestured the mic-head of his cane towards the sinner in a mocking bow. Grin growing even wider, he congratulated, “Got it in one! Bravo! Though, it is quite rude of you to refer to my person as deer-guy, monkey-boy. But I suppose I myself failed to showcase proper manners by not introducing myself first. The name is Alastor, at your service. To whom do I owe the pleasure of welcoming to eternal damnation?”

There were a number of reactions Alastor anticipated the other having. Wariness at his presence. Despair at the sinner learning of his fate. Or perhaps hopeless resignation, considering the boy had been quick assume he’d landed in the pit. One reaction that he had not expected in the slightest, however, was for the monkey-demon to gain his own wide grin. A much happier, more genuine one than Alastor’s at that.

“Great! I hadn’t been sure this was the right place when I jumped down here. Shishishi! Thanks Deer-Guy!” Alastor had to withhold a twitch at the repeated moniker, though it wasn’t difficult to do so considering his preoccupation with the unusual statement that had come before it. Standing proudly the boy declared, “I’m Monkey D. Luffy– The King of the Pirates!”

His name is actually Monkey? That’s hilarious. Though based on the way it was spoken, Alastor assumed it was the boy’s family name and that he originated from a place of that sort of naming order. However, he was not about to give up the perfect opportunity to refer to someone as Monkey.

Another point of consideration, though, was the second portion of his introduction. Alastor has heard mention of the title “King of the Pirates” previously. The people who spoke of it all came from a different world than Earth, where most of Hell’s sinners and Alastor himself fell from. They spun tales of a world covered almost entirely in ocean, the vast majority of the land taking the form of islands, and it was only more recently that they began to tell tales of the Pirate King. A criminal who’d presumably gained quite a bit of infamy before his execution where he had kickstarted a new era of piracy as people set out to sea in search for his hidden treasure. All the sinners who’d spoken of him seemed quite surprised whenever they learned that this Gold Roger was nowhere to be found, suggesting the man had somehow managed to weasel his way into Heaven.

It had been interesting to hear about such things, which was the only real reason Alastor knew of it to begin with. As far as he was aware it was knowledge most of hell’s residents weren’t aware of. They’d only learn of it if they happened upon a mortal of that realm who happened to be in the mood to speak of their past. It was also interesting to hear this Monkey claim the very same title for himself. “Is that so? Well, dear Monkey fellow, in that case may I ask you a certain inquiry? I’m not of the same world that you’ve come from, so while I’ve heard of these so-called Pirate Kings I know no real knowledge of the topic.”

Monkey tilted his head in a visually questioning look, likely having no idea what Alastor meant in saying he wasn’t from his world, but that wasn’t a matter Alastor was concerned with. Instead, he leaned in just a tad closer to grin at the boy and question, “What exactly qualifies a person to be King of the Pirates? It does not sound like the pirates of your world participate in an actual form of unified governance, so it is no true king, but at the same time there is still a tangible respect owed to the position. If you truly obtained such a title, how did you earn it? Did you acquire the most wealth? Did you commit some dastardly, evil deed, one that outweighed all the sins of all other pirates? Did you rule over the vastest territory? Come now, don’t leave me in suspense.”

“Huh? Nah, that kinda thing’s got nothing to do with it,” Monkey insisted, somehow both firmly and joyfully. He laughed that unique laugh of his at the thought. It teased Alastor’s half-hearted curiosity into something closer to full intrigue.

“Shishishi! I became the Pirate King when I found the One Piece, but that’s not the important part. The thing that’s most important, the reason why I dreamed of becoming Pirate King… is that the king of the sea is the freest person in the world!”

At that response, something shifted in Alastor’s being.

Not in some minor tap or adjustment, but in a full body tilt. A mind or world turned upside down. Intrigue, morbid curiosity, amusement; they all faded away into some other sort of feeling. Something somehow both vast and tiny, both full and empty. The very definition of bittersweet both settled and stirred inside his being.

Suddenly the world around him faded away. He could do nothing but focus on this boy, who still smiled at him so brightly. As though they weren’t stuck down in some deep, dark place. Or rather, the place that should have surrounded them simply failed to exist, so long as he was present.

“I’m the freest! I live my life freely, and I became strong enough to keep that freedom. No one’s able to stop me! So that’s how I did it. That’s what being King of the Pirates means.”

–What a nice dream that is, indeed. To be free…–

Alastor forced himself out of the strangeness, almost like blinking out of a spell though he recognized no actual magic was involved. The ambient sounds of the city streets returned, accompanied by the residual scent of brimstone and ugly wreck that’d been left behind after a foreign struggle. The Monkey boy was still grinning at him, apparently having no clue as to the impact his words had had on Alastor.

The Radio Demon preferred to keep it that way. His own grin was still intact, so he was still in control of the conversation. Still in control period.

Purposely leaning back, he distilled his unwanted instinctual reaction into as watered-down of a response as he could, “Oh my, that is quite an interesting line of thought. Much more conceptual of an idea than I had expected. And I do also admit to… underestimating you, if it could be called that. I had not pegged you to be a wise sort of fellow. A pleasant surprise, I assure you! Credit where credit is due and all.”

Instead of either accepting the somewhat backhanded compliment or lashing back at it –he would’ve found either outcome to be favorable– Monkey instead sent him a doubtful look. As though he’d said something incredibly unusual. “What’re ya talkin’ about? I didn’t say anything smart. Being free is just the best treasure there is! Isn’t that obvious?”

Again, for someone that comes off as simple to the point most would see it as stupidity, there is an aspect of that simplicity that manages to bring clarity to mudded waters with impressive ease. Alastor found himself wondering if he was overestimating the man, or perhaps underestimating him even still.

“…I would say you aren’t too far off the mark in your beliefs, but you’d be surprised how many people of this world come to value other things over their freedom. Though often not by their own preference. As you mentioned, one must be strong enough to keep their freedom as well.”

As a dealmaker, he makes an art of tricking people out of their freedom. Finding those hidden weaknesses, digging up whatever enticements an individual could believe to be more valuable than their very soul, whether that be wealth, fame, power. Safety, in the case they’re left to choose between second death and their being.

Alastor was suddenly struck with the desire to boast this aspect of himself. Brag about how he has made his mark as a demon by depriving people of the treasure this boy valued above all else. To force this Monkey to hate him, as he rightfully should. Alastor felt as though it would set right the feeling of wrongness that had come to weigh on himself.

But then the boy’s smile returned to shine bright once more. And Alastor, with the same sort of suddenness, found himself disinclined of the prospect that should have amused him.

“I like you, Al!” You do?

“You’re a nice guy!” And you’re quite the idiot apparently!

“Join my crew!”

“ …Excuse me?”

“Join my crew!” the Monkey repeated, as though Alastor’s befuddlement came from lack of hearing rather than lack of total comprehension, “Even though I’m dead I’m still a pirate, so I still need a crew! Everyone else is still on their way, but that’s okay. I’ll just introduce you to them once we find ‘em! It’ll be fun!”

Alastor stared at the boy. He stared back.

Alastor’s grin pulled tight as he attempted to keep the feeling of utter bewilderment off his face, while the boy just grinned, like there wasn’t a single care in the entire world–

“I believe you are under the delusion of some gross misconceptions,” Alastor kept his tone carefully contained as he wagged a finger at the boy, his grin curling into a sharp sort of meanness. He immediately revised his decision of provoking this Monkey into hating him.

“You do not like me, for you cannot like me if you do not know me. I am not nice, practically any soul in Hell will testify to that fact. And though this should be obvious enough that I shouldn’t have to say it– I have absolutely no interest in joining the crew of some has-been pirate! Truly, you should not have given such an offer so quickly in the first place. We’ve barely had a single conversation! I would have been in my rights to accept under false pretenses for the purpose of bringing ruin to you! Dismantling your crew from the inside out to leave you wallowing in eternal misery!”

As the background distortion of his voice twisted further and further into static, Alastor’s face shifted into something more demonic. Red pupils glowing bright as radio dials, black antlers growing wider and larger, his stature growing just a bit taller to properly loom over the Monkey– The Radio Demon grinned down with menacing, sharp teeth fully bared.

Monkey just beamed at him, completely unbothered. “Woah! That’s creepy! Cool! Anyway– yeah, you could’ve done that. But you didn’t, so it doesn’t matter.”

Alastor missed a beat at the unexpected blasé response.

Shifting back to a less intimidating visage, he raised his brows at the other. “It does matter, because it is something I am capable of and would truly consider doing. For all you speak of loving freedom, you could be precariously close to losing it should I ever be so inclined. I make a business out of entrapping souls, you see, being what they refer to as a dealmaker. I imagine you would no longer have any misconception about liking me once I own your very soul and person.”

At that, Monkey finally frowned at him. But it didn’t bring Alastor much satisfaction since boy was looking at him like he was the stupid one here. “That doesn’t matter either cause I wouldn’t let you own me. That’s never gonna happen.”

“Never going to happen– The point is that you wouldn’t have the choice to begin with– ” Alastor cut himself off preemptively as the sight of the Monkey glancing away in obvious boredom. Despite all logic he was clearly getting nowhere with that argument. The boy wouldn’t even bother to listen to an explanation of how horribly wrong he was.

So instead, Alastor escalated, “On top of that, even in life I was an awful individual. I gained quite a bit of infamy as serial killer. In fact, I’ve grown even worse in death and quite enjoy eating the flesh of my victims. My desire for human meat is without end! It’s why I had ventured out today– I was in the middle of picking up some delicious pickings!”

To emphasize his words and the sing-song twisted joy he said them with, Alastor’s shadow momentarily materialized to spit out the torso it contained. He leaned forward with a mischievous cruel grin while gesturing his cane down at the burnt, bloody piece of carcass.

The Monkey’s face pulled into a familiar expression of disgust –Finally, a normal reaction out of the lad! However, as a few seconds of silence passed by… the young face shifted into one of reconsideration. Eyeing the torso with honest curiosity.

“ …Does it really taste good?”

Another few seconds passed by, once again.

Alastor dissolved into an amorphous shadow. When he rematerialized, he was back in the hotel lobby.

“Let me guess, the meat out there was too medium-rare for ya, huh?” Husker deadpanned with an eyeroll from his place behind the bar top. Alastor left his kept soul be as he began strolling back up to his radio tower.

“Quite right.” He did not run from the conversation. He did not. It was merely a strategic retreat, no shame in that. No sense in attempting to converse with a person so incomprehensible. It was much simpler to wash his hands of the matter right there and subsequently never deal with that Monkey again.

To Alastor’s vast misfortune, however, it was not to be.

Later that same day, he was interrupted from his musings by the Princess of Hell’s squeal echoing up to his residence. Evidently very excited about something. So with a smile of anticipation for the upcoming entertainment, Alastor slinked through the shadows to materialize atop the balcony overseeing the hotel’s lobby.

Only for his smile to freeze in place at the sight of the damned demon Monkey looking around the place, same exact stupid grin on his face as before.

While the others gathered around to get a look at the new meat, the Princess of course gushed, fully unaware of Alastor’s plight, “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh– Are you here to check yourself into our hotel and set out on the path of redemption for Heaven?! Mister…?”

“I’m no mister. I’m Monkey D. Luffy, King of the Pirates!” It’s like he’s physically incapable of introducing himself without mentioning the title. The Monkey, as Alastor could predict by this point, ignored Charlie’s expression falling into confusion to keep rambling, “And nah, I don’t wanna go to Heaven. I decided to come here instead.”

That was the boy’s second mention of him, apparently, willingly choosing Hell over Heaven. Quite the curious thing. Alastor might’ve been intrigued to test and prod such a person if the Monkey hadn’t already cemented himself as such a pest. Though, it was somewhat amusing to watch the way the majority of the hotel’s residents fell into a spectrum of blank confusion.

Charlie, ever the innocent sweetling, of course failed to comprehend the implication. Her head tilted slightly as she examined the boy and questioned, “Wh…What? You don’t want to go to Heaven? But why? And then, why are you here if not for that?”

The Monkey smiled at her, and –to his annoyance– the look inspired Charlie to regain a bit of her footing and return a somewhat uneasy smile back. Much less fun than watching someone else be baffled by the creature.

“Because I wouldn’t be free there! And I’m here because when I asked around about Al, someone said that he stays at this Ham-Bin Hotel. Where’s the ham?!”

…

After a split second of being torn between raging over some soon-to-be murdered stranger giving away Alastor’s location verses the absolute hilarity of the Monkey getting the hotel name so horribly wrong, the scales finally tilted to one side upon Charlie’s look of horrified shock. As though the boy had just said he’d killed her first born.

Alastor tried his best to muffle his cackling laughter in the hand covering his face, but he knew it was for not. Ham-Bin. Ham-Bin. Where’s the ham? Comedians could only pray to the Heavens to write material this idiotic–

“It’s Hazbin. Hazbin Hotel,” the visually unimpressed Vaggie spoke up on behalf of her currently disposed girlfriend, pointing a finger back towards the door to say, “You know, like what’s written on the giant neon sign hanging at the top of the building?”

The Monkey just blinked his wide, innocent eyes at the woman. “The sign? Oh, I didn’t read it cause I don’t like reading. So there’s no ham?”

“NO! For the last time, there’s NO HAM!”

Alastor’s cackling pitched sharper at the sight of Vaggie’s glaring frustration paired with the Monkey’s face falling into clear disappointment. Not being able to help himself, he banged his free fist on top of the balcony banister he leaned over. He hasn’t laughed this hard in weeks.

Karma is quite the bitch though, as they say, and so it was only natural that Alastor’s escalating laugh drew the attention of those bellow. It cut off immediately upon round, black eyes spotting him. The Monkey’s grin returned in full force.

Having recovered her state of mind, Charlie glanced back and forth between Alastor and the boy questioningly as she realized the statement that had prefaced the Ham debacle. “Uh– Wait, what did you need Alastor for?”

The Monkey beamed her, bright as the sun. “He’s gonna join my pirate crew!”

“No– ” Alastor had to withhold the growl that wanted to unfurl in his voice, he ignored the others’ stares to clarify, “I most certainly stated that I will not be joining any crew of any sort. If you are here to convince me otherwise, I strongly suggest you leave~ ”

While drawling that last word, he finally did what he should’ve done on the street and opened up the floor to summon a medium-sized black tendril. It wrapped itself around the surprised Monkey, then, promptly threw him out the still open door.

Or rather, it would’ve had the boy not begun clinging to the thing like an actual monkey. As it wriggled violently in an attempt to rid itself of the unwanted baggage, Monkey laughed with the exact same cadence of excitement as a child on a theme park ride, “Ahahaha! What’s this mystery tentacle thing?! It’s fun!”

“This guy’s Nuts with a capital N. And not the good kind…”

“Well if he’s goin’ around sayin’ he’s a king pirate and lookin’ to recruit that guy into his supposed pirate crew, that’s to be expected…”

“I dunno, he seems like a fun kinda guy!”

“Monkey boy go swing swing, hehehe~ ”

Unperturbed and ignoring the remarks muttered back and forth between Angel Dust, Husker, Cherri Bomb, and Niffty, Alastor switched tactics. The tendril reoriented itself, wrapping around the small body with the intent to squeeze the life out of it.

It twisted hard, choking the laughter, but from his connection with the thing… Alastor recognized an unusual sensation. Instead of the wet sack that threatened to burst with just a bit too much force that usually was the mortal body, there was an elastic sort of resistance. Like squeezing a toy. He could clench as hard as he wanted, and the body would give with too much ease, only for it to expand back perfectly fine as soon as the pressure let up. There was no danger of it bursting apart in an ugly mess of internal organs and blood.

“A-Alastor– !”

“He’s fine dear. Unfortunately,” he immediately dismissed the Princess’s concern, more focused on examining the squeaky toy monkey of a demon with a peculiar look, “Monkey, what are you exactly? Most demons would find themselves with broken spines and limbs after this sort of treatment.”

After notably catching his breath, the Monkey directed his plain gaze back towards Alastor absent of any sort of malice. Like Alastor hadn’t just been choking the boy out with a monstrous tentacle from Hell. In demonstration, he pulled at one of his cheeks to show it stretch out absurdly. It reached a full arm’s length before he let go and it snapped back into place. “I’m a rubber man.”

No further explanation was given. After a short silence, Angel cupped his chin with one hand while leaving the other three to perch on his hips and hummed, “Huh… I can’t tell if that’d be good or bad for sex– ”

Charlie forcefully interrupted in a sad attempt to maintain some sort of dignity to the conversation, because she failed to realize it had already long been lost beforehand, “You’ve– certainly gotten a good handle on your demon powers after such a short time here! Or at least, it doesn’t seem like you’ve been here that long…?”

“Ha! Yeah, I just got here! That’s how I met Al. I almost landed on him!” was stated much too joyfully for Alastor’s liking. The boy almost casually clarified, “That’s just how I was when I was alive too, so ‘course it’d be the same!”

The Princess opened her mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again to question incredulously, “You… mean to say you were made of rubber… when you were alive, as a human being?”

“Yeah! Exactly! It’s cause of the fruit I ate.”

Reflecting on the various gossip he’s heard, Alastor hummed to himself as he remembered mention of those strange Devil Fruits from that sea-covered world. Ones that would give fantastical powers to those that consumed one. Apparently their users tended to become quite strong, so it wasn’t strange for certain pirates to have them despite supposedly being uncommon to find. It only made sense that such an intrinsic trait would carry over to a being’s demon form, which was commonly influenced by a variety of personal traits including personality, interests, skills, and method of death.

Of course, among those present he was likely the only one who knew that with the exception of one other, so everyone else looked at the Monkey like he was a psycho. As was deserved.

The glaring exception in question, however, was one certain also annoying individual who’d stayed quiet throughout this whole farce…

The King of Hell slowly approached Alastor’s tendril to bat at it lightly with his cane. Choosing to oblige rather than pick a fight, Alastor released the boy and retracted the limb, much to his own displeasure. Lucifer stood directly in front of the Monkey, who just stared back in curiosity. It was easy for the two of them to meet the others’ gaze since they were the same height, which would’ve been hilarious if not for the foreboding feeling Alastor was left with.

For a brief moment, Lucifer glanced back towards him with a wretched smirk. Alastor grinned back sharply in warning, but it was obviously ignored as the King looked back to the boy. He knew exactly what the guy was going to pull–

“You wouldn’t be free, huh? I can empathize with that sort of feeling. You don’t deserve to be maimed by the Radio Demon just cause he doesn’t know how to play nice,” Lucifer mused almost fantastically, referring back to the beginning of the conversation before transitioning to a new, unwanted thought, “Even if you’re not trying for redemption, I don’t see why you couldn’t stay at the hotel anyway. We’ve got plenty of space and if you’re new, you haven’t found somewhere to stay yet. What’d ya think? Wanna stay close to Al here?”

Monkey lit up like a star in the sky in the same second Alastor forced his frame not to tense up. To his even further displeasure, the sentiment was echoed–

“I guess I wouldn’t mind havin’ the kid around. Not like we don’t already got crazy people livin’ here…” even while Husker deadpanned without looking his way, Alastor knew the cat had agreed for the sole purpose of pestering him. He would find a way to make him pay for that.

Like the bandwagoner he was, Angel Dust raised multiple hands and jumped at the opportunity to join in on Alastor’s suffering, “I second that! The guy might help liven things up around here… And even if he’s nuts, he’s still a cutie~ ”

Monkey just stared blankly at Angel’s suggestive wink, not reacting in the slightest even while Husker groaned at the come on. Cherri sounded a hum of agreement. Niffty giggled that cute maniacal laugh of hers at the prospect. Even Vaggie, the ex-angel who usually never willing mixed herself into the trouble the others stirred, grew a lopsided half smirk at the thought of bothering Alastor and sent her paramour a nod.

After watching everyone’s reactions, Charlie slowly turned her head up to look at him with an apologetic smile, hands clashed together in placation. Alastor let his own smile go tight in response.

“Now, Alastor– I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or bothered or anything, but… Part of the vision of our hotel is to accept anyone who comes to our door. I don’t think it’d be right to turn him away…”

He could see that he was clearly outvoted in this but refused to give his own consent on principle. Instead of responding, he retreated back into the shadows in what he knew the King would interpret as a show of surrender, and the very thought of that broiled like the fires of Hell that surrounded them.

Now back in his tower, Alastor finally allowed himself a deep sigh of utter annoyance. Today was not a happy day in Hell. In fact, it was likely the third worst day in Hell that he’d had.

However, in the back of his mind, in a brush of a whisper he thought… at the very least, things should be entertaining for a good while, now. While Monkey D. Luffy was certainly an annoyance, he could never be accused of being boring. And that counted for much in Alastor’s book.

Chapter Text

Alastor had hoped to go at least a couple of days without having to deal with the new Monkey infesting his hotel, but as he was quickly coming to learn, the pest seemed to know just what to do to pull at Alastor’s nerves.

He hadn’t even made it until the next day when, upon the end of one of his more casual regular radio broadcasts, the trap door leading up into his radio tower suddenly slammed open. Monkey’s straw hat covered head peaked out of the floorboards, smile practically taking up half his entire face. Alastor’s own smile pulled taunt as his eyes narrowed at the other.

In the next instance, a small tendril grew out of the floor to slam the door shut. But the slippery Monkey had already managed to scramble his way into the room. He stupidly looked around at everything in obvious curiosity.

“Wow! Is this place a lookout or somethin’? It’s so high up!” he exclaimed this while making a straight line for the balcony. It was a new installment Alastor had put in after having remade his radio tower. After slamming the door open to stand out under the awning, Monkey came right up against the fang-like spikes that took the place of a proper safety railing. He placed a hand on his hat to keep it in place while fully leaning the entire upper half of his body through one of the openings between them.

After raising his brow a bit at the scene, Alastor decided that he couldn’t possibly be expected to turn away from such obvious temptation. Or at least, the Princess shouldn’t expect that much from him. So while Monkey was busy laughing at the sight of how far down the ground was, Alastor causally made his own way to the balcony. Then, grin curling into a full smirk, he grasped the back of the other’s shirt to throw him up and over the edge.

But of course, that would’ve been much too easy. Rather than fall to his second death, Monkey’s hands grabbed onto one spike each and his arms stretched an absurd length as he fell. Once his descent had slowed and they’d gone fully taunt, Alastor took a few steps back when Monkey came shooting right back up. He flipped back over the poor excuse for railing to stick the landing back on the balcony.

Either completely ignorant to or ignoring the attempted murder, the boy grinned at Alastor with a laugh, “Shishishi! That was fun! I got so close to the ground before I flew back up!”

“…Yes, quite the fearless thrill seeker, aren’t you?” No use crying over lack of spilt blood. Arms clasped behind him, Alastor turned his back to the other to reenter the studio proper. He heard the Monkey follow him with a hum in the back of his throat. “And just so you are aware, this is no lookout. It’s my radio tower, where I set up broadcasts that play over airwaves throughout this Ring of Hell. They’ve become fairly well known throughout the realm due my broadcasts frequently featuring the dying screams of my enemies~ ”

Distorted static twisted his voice at the end with his bloodlust. His face twisted with it, his head circling around too much in a 180 that cracked his neck in the snapping motion.

But, of course, even now while the Monkey was staring at Alastor with his head twisted all the way to face the wrong side of his body, the boy just tilted his head to the side in a confused hum, “ …So it’s your mystery tower. Got it!”

“ …Do you not know what a radio is? A device which transmits sound across vast distances without the use of cables.”

“Never heard of it! Do you like ‘em? They sound kinda like some Denden Mushi.”

“And those are…?”

“Snails you use to call people!” Monkey explained with full confidence, then after his face scrunched in thought, cheerfully added, “And some of ‘em can show you what’s goin’ on somewhere or let you hear something!”

After trying –and failing– to envision these supposed snails that have essentially replaced the telephone, radio, and television of the other’s foreign world, Alastor promptly decided he wasn’t that interested in the matter unless he’d have the chance to actually see one for himself. Which was fairly unlikely. He also decided to magnanimously forgive the Monkey for never having heard of the radio before considering his world was also equally ignorant to the invention of the television.

It was only then that Monkey pointed at his improperly placed head and bluntly asked, “Do ya want help fixing that?”

“ …Not necessary,” was all Alastor replied before he snapped his head back the right way, facing away from Monkey again. “And yes, I do quite enjoy radio broadcasting. I’m the Radio Demon– much of my power is based on my influence over it.”

“Cool! That’s sorta like the names they put on pirate bounties! You think I could be the Straw Hat Demon?”

“That’d be quite the idiotic demon. So it suits you perfectly! I’m curious though, was the King perhaps the one to direct you to my tower?

“Who?”

After a short pause, Alastor glanced back at the other’s questioning stare, this time turning his body slightly rather than breaking his neck to do so. “King Lucifer?”

“Don’t know ‘em.”

Seeing he’d need to get deep into the weeds for this one, he clarified as simply as possible, “He talked to you. Blonde. Rosy cheeks. Large top hat to compensate for lack of height.”

“Ooohh Hat-Guy! Yeah, he said you’d be here!” As he thought. That annoying little pest of a royal…

“As I expected. Alright, that’s all I needed to ask of you. Now farewell! Don’t come back!”

With the sendoff, Alastor dissolved the trap door he’d led Monkey to stand over to recede into shadow. The Monkey yelped when he fell right through the empty space. He swiftly rematerialized the door behind the other’s exit.

Just before he could sweep away the issue as being resolved, however… A short moment afterwards, Alastor felt a twinge in the back of his mind. Someone had entered his quarters.

Impossible. While his living space in the hotel technically physically existed, he made the door to it unavailable unless he permitted it to be so. Essentially whenever he left his room it was unable to be located by anyone else. So how could that idiotic Monkey–

Alastor emerged from a shadowy corner of his room and, just as he thought, the Monkey was there. Head swerving back and forth from the cozy study and the nighttime bayou that made up the two halves of Alastor’s living space. At Alastor's entrance, Monkey’s own head twisted all the way around sans neck cracking to see him, grin wide on his face. Though he jumped a bit to let his body twist around with it right after –does he usually do that or did Monkey pick it up from him just now? He’d rather not know…

“This mystery room is SO COOL! It’s outside even though its inside! It’s your room, right? How’d ya do that?! And where’s your bed? Don’t ya sleep in here?”

Shrinking down into a shade, Alastor reemerged behind the Monkey and, with both hands clawing into the other’s squishy shoulders, began guiding him forward back towards the door. He drawled, “Wouldn’t you like to know. Even if I explain it, you wouldn’t understand regardless. And not that it’s any of your business, but I only bring the bed out when it’s time to rest. Leaves more space available that way. There’s no purpose in you being here, so it’s time for you to– ”

“But I do have a reason! I wanna sleep with ya!”

A loud screech of a record scratch tore through the air.

An entire thirty seconds of silence. Alastor then spun the boy around in his hands to look him straight in the eyes. They stared back at him, full of nothing but blank innocence.

The Monkey hadn’t meant it in a sexual way, so he was just going to skip over that possible implication for the sake of what little remaining sanity he possessed– It took almost all of Alastor’s restraint to slowly hiss out through the bared teeth of his tight smile, “And why, exactly… do you want to sleep in the same quarters with someone who wants to kill you?”

Monkey had the nerve to pout at him, crossing his arms and outright whining, “I can sleep by myself, but I like it better when my crew are around. When we’re on the ship most of us are in the same room. It’s nice…”

Is this boy an actual child??? And he didn’t even mention the explicit death threat at the end. “Well! It’s so very unfortunate for you that none of your crewmates are at the hotel, because, as I’ve already said– I am not one of them!”

With that said and his shadow opening the door, Alastor pushed Monkey back out of the room. Arms pinwheeling in a blur, the boy tumbled head over heels in a yelp while rolling out the doorway. His shadow slammed it shut with all the violence Alastor wanted to inflict on the other. He cheerfully jeered through the wooden barrier for good measure, “Just talk to Charlie and she’ll set up a room for you! The next time you try to come back here, you’ll be leaving without a head to take with you! Not like you’re using that brain for anything anyways, right?!”

Thankfully, the Monkey didn’t try to get back into Alastor’s room or tower after that. Instead, he seemed to spend the next couple of days exploring the hotel and bothering the rest of its inhabitants, something which Alastor found to be much more favorable when he himself wasn’t the target. Though depending on the person in question, how much they were actually bothered by the boy differed…

“Why’re you so small, Fifty?”

“Heh~ All the better for crawling through the walls to find the roach nests to cut off their legs in the supposed safety of their homes~ !” Niffty cackled at the Monkey in that charming, messed up way of her, giggling up at where the boy was leaning over to look down at her.

Monkey merely blinked a couple times before responding, “Huh… You’re a weirdo, aren’t ya? As long as you’re havin’ a good time that’s fine I guess.”

“Thanks~ Is Monkey boy a bad boy~? I like bad boys!”

“Lots ’a people say I’m bad, but I don’t think I’m that bad. Angel-Lady probably wouldn’t ‘ve tried putting me in Heaven if I was. But I’m not too good either.”

Face falling into a pout, Niffty turned her back to stalk away, muttering, “I don’t wanna bad-good boy, I wanna bad-bad boy! Where’re all my bad boys?!?!”

Monkey just straightened back up with a curious stare and hands on his waist, completely unaware he’d just unintentionally averted a potential crisis. Cherri Bomb just came up next to him to sigh, “That’s just Niffty, ignore her. She’s a special girl she is… So, what’cha ‘pirates’ do for fun? A lotta drinkin’, partyin’, and clubbin’ I hope!”

At the cyclops’s mischievous grin, Monkey sent an excitable grin right back, yelling more than responding, “Yeah! We’re always having parties! And the parties always have drinking! I don’t drink that much though, cause I always have to save room for more meat. Zoro and Nami drink tons though! Sanji too, but only with wine. And what’s the last one ya asked about, Eye-Lady? Like when ya club someone with a stick? I don’t use weapons– just my fists!”

Cherri’s face fell into slight disappointment at hearing the Monkey was more interested in eating than drinking, before it fell further into confusion at the last question. “Wha? Ya don’t know what clubbin’ is? Ya know, goin’ out to shady joints at night with music that’s too loud and drinks that’re too expensive to grind against a rando and maybe end up hittin’ the full run? And again, the name’s Cherri Bomb.”

Predictably, Monkey just stared blankly at the woman. Alastor knew what was coming. His shadow that was lurking around to keep an eye on things grinned even sharper right before the boy replied, “So… It’s a mystery dance. If it’s expensive then I don’t think Nami would let us.”

That conversation ended with Cherri rolling her eye and scoffing at the boy, clearly internally labeling him as useless for her junkie lifestyle. Alastor just found himself musing that, at the very least, the Monkey’s crew seemed to have the sense not to leave the boy in charge of the finances. Though the fact that this ‘Nami’ apparently had that much control over such an essential aspect of their organization to the point she could dictate what the supposed captain of the crew could or could not do was also an interesting thought to consider.

One of the more entertaining interactions involving the Monkey revolved around the boy’s noted obsession with food. Like a bloodhound scenting a hunt, the boy rather quickly located the kitchen and promptly devoured everything that wasn’t a vegetable. And even the vegetables took somewhat of a hit, so at least the boy couldn’t be accused of skimping on his dietary needs. The meat especially went fast. Alastor would’ve been upset by that had he not had his own food storage, seeing as the others had not wanted to be bothered by the sight of his venison carcasses or worse hanging about the place. Which meant that he had been the only one who’s food was spared. Quite the humorous outcome indeed!

After Charlie had a quick panic that ended with the suggestion to order pizza for the night, Vaggie threatened the Monkey to leave the kitchen alone. He agreed in a very non-committing manner, then did literally the exact same thing as soon as the meat had been restocked. After that, Vaggie attempted to spear the boy through the stomach. However, the Monkey had proven much too evasive to get a hit on. After the third iteration of this, Charlie attempted to plea with Monkey, looking utterly pathetic yet at the same time still attempting to keep up her ‘nice’ schtick. And his response to this had also been interesting…

“Are you the captain here?”

“H-Huh?” the Princess questioned stupidly, before she shook her head a bit and revised to an intelligible reply, “Uh– We’re not a crew so no, but, I am the one in charge of the hotel. If that’s what you’re asking.”

Monkey gave the woman a thorough glance over. Then looked straight back at her to say, “You’re the captain but you’re not strong enough to tell me what to do, so… I’m just gonna keep doin’ what I want! If you wanna stop me you gotta be strong enough to stop me yourself, ya know!”

“Wh-What?! Wait! Come back! Luffy please– !”

Needless to say, the Princess’s pleas fell on deaf ears. Her options were limited from that point. She could ask her father for assistance, but Alastor had noted that despite the King taking residence halftime in the hotel, Charlie had been avoiding relying on him for anything outside of the direst of circumstances. Thus, Alastor took great pleasure when the girl was forced to knock upon his doorstep, instead.

“Alastor… please… can you do that thing you do with your room for the kitchen? Luffy won’t stop eating everything!”

From his place leaning against the doorframe, he made an obvious show of tapping his chin in fake consideration, eyes half-lidded in carelessness. “Is that sooo~? Well. It’s most unfortunate that you yourself are the one who decided to accept the Monkey into the hotel despite your steadfast hotelier’s very wise and very valuable opinion on the matter. The issue would be fully resolved if you tossed him to the curb, you realize?”

“I– I can’t do that. And I know you’re upset he’s here and I’m sorry about that, really! But– even if he’s causing some minor problems, he’s a really nice guy! He even complemented our portrait of Sir Pentious! And he actually likes it when I sing!”

“Ah yes, because eating a week’s worth of food meant for multiple people in one sitting is but a minor problem. Since that’s the case, obviously you do not need my help for such a non-issue. Why don’t we stop wasting both our time– ”

“Wait!” Charlie cried out holding her hand out towards him, looking particularly pathetically tearful and desperate, “Alright, it’s more than a minor problem, yeah. So– I’d really appreciate it if you could help us! In fact, as the Princess of Hell, I order you to help us! …Should you decide you’re okay with it?”

Alastor allowed himself a good minute to pretend to think, purposefully leaving Charlie to stew in suspense.

“Hmmmm… Why not! It will most definitely upset the Monkey, so that alone makes it worth the effort I suppose!” It was only then that Charlie’s expression lightened into relief, the Princess profusely thanking him.

While he’d agreed to help, Alastor did have a true reason to be reluctant to offer his services. He still didn’t know how the Monkey had managed to find the door to quarters after all. For all he knew, the boy would still be able to find the kitchen despite his efforts, and he didn’t want that fact advertised should it be the case. Fortunately though, whether it be due to the first day being a flunk or there being some unmet requirement, from that point Monkey was unable to find the doors leading to the kitchen.

The boy aimlessly wandered about trying to find it the first time, miffed and searching in vain in the area he knew it was supposed to be. But he gave up by the time dinner was properly served, suitably distracted. He tried again the next day, and fully pouted after going another hour without luck. He went out to the city in search of food then.

“Breaking news! Reports are saying a demon was found serial ransacking various butcher shops throughout the city! They were unable to apprehend the assailant, who was unusually fast to be point that there were no clear sightings of him! However, at least one butcher saw enough of the thief to identify it was a demon with some sort of a black tail! As though that description doesn’t include nearly half the damn city!”

Right on que, Monkey casually strut though the hotel lobby with a rather absurd pile of cold cuts in his arms. Everyone who’d be watching the news report on the old-time TV slowly turned their heads to eye him.

Jumping up to stand in his way, the Princess cried in despair, “Luffyyyyy!!! You can’t just steal all that food! You need to pay for it!”

Wide round eyes blinked back at her. “Huh? But this is Hell right? Can’t I just do what I want? Also, I don’t have any money and I was hungry.”

“I mean it is Hell, yeah, but people still have to…” Charlie trailed off as she processed the last part of what the boy said. Looking back at him from where she’d been in the middle of pacing across the carpet.

“Wait… Right, I guess you wouldn’t have found a job or anything, since you just got here…” then, she gained a horrified look, asking, “When you ate all that food… is it because if you don’t eat that much you’re still hungry? Like, the normal dinner portions aren’t feeding you enough???”

“Well yeah. I always need to eat a lot. Sanji always cooked extra for me,” as though to emphasize the point, the Monkey took one of the cold cut slices to eat in one gulp. Though Alastor knew the boy wasn’t the type to have done the move on purpose and it’d been a mere coincidence he’d decided to eat right then.

All at once, Charlie’s face turned close to tearful. She came in close to Monkey to clasp her hands together and apologize, “Oh my gosh… I’m soooo sorry Luffy! I hadn’t even thought that you were going hungry! Of course you were raiding the fridge, you weren’t getting enough to eat and you don’t have the money to buy more! And here I was telling you to stop– Oh no– I think I’m gonna cry– !”

“There, there… It’s okay…” Vaggie awkwardly comforted her paramour, coming up beside her to hold Charlie by her now shaking shoulders. The Princess was distraught with the thought that she’d failed as a host.

For his part, Alastor was fairly certain that the Monkey would’ve attempted to raid the kitchen regardless of if he actually needed the food or not, but it was also true that he clearly needed more than the meal size everyone else partook in. It would be the same as attempting to only give Alastor himself a leg of venison rather than a whole carcass. Though in his case he’d supplement his meal by consuming the person in question who’d been foolish enough to make such a mistake. Perhaps the Princess should count herself lucky that he’s always taken charge of his own meal planning.

Rather than try to console her tears or bite back in bitterness over the situation, Monkey, true to form, smiled rather kindly at the Princess. Though not without swallowing down another piece of his hunt. “Aw– It’s okay Chacha! I know you’re a good guy! You didn’t mean anything by it. All ya need is to train and get strong and you’ll be a great captain!”

The Princess promptly burst into tears at that. Straggling pieces of meat fell to the floor as she jostled the boy in her too tight embrace. When the ex-angel carefully retracted her sobbing girlfriend, the Monkey confidently proclaimed “Thanks Veggie!” and from where he lurked up in his tower Alastor chimed a rather hardy laugh at both the misname and the sneer of frustration it provoked.

That was another interesting thing about Monkey. Despite the way he hadn’t taken too long into their first conversation to at least partially learn Alastor’s name, the boy didn’t even bother trying for anyone else. If he referred to anyone with a vague semblance of their name, it was skewered almost beyond recognition. It was a genuinely impressive feat considering it was entirely unintentional. Alastor found the habit quite hilarious… Until upon second thought he’d realized the only people Monkey used the actual name of other than Alastor himself was whenever he referred to one of his supposed crewmates, always with the air that they were expected to just know who he was talking about without having met any of them.

He disliked the comparison. The bit promptly lost all humor it had.

…Well, not ALL humor, admittedly. Despite the joke souring, Alastor still couldn’t resist having some appreciation for the way Husker’s furry face fell into the most unpleasant scowl upon the Monkey calling him–

“Hey Cat-Guy! Is this really all ya do all day?”

“For the last damn time kid– The name’s Husk. HUSK!” After a couple seconds spent glaring at the boy, Husker gave up with an exaggerated eyeroll at the unmoved smile he received, “And no. Believe it or not, I have an actual life outside this hotel. One that I could be livin’ if I wasn’t bein’ forced to work here! Now if ya don’t wanna drink, why don’t ya just go back to gettin’ lost tryin’ to find the kitchen or somethin’?!”

Even while Cat-Guy complained, he still slid over Angel Dust’s drink to the other without a word after he’d finished pouring it. Angel winked at him in thanks before turning on his stool to wag his eyebrows at the Monkey. “Don’t mind Husk here, he’s just a bit feisty. Sooo, Luffers… You’re the kinda guy that likes havin’ fun, right?”

“Yeah!” was the cheerful, grinning response. In contrast, Husker was already sneering as he turned his face away, already knowing where the other was headed.

Leaning in to lay two arms across the Monkey’s shoulders, Angel brought his face close to the boy’s while he flirted, “So how ya feel ‘bout havin’ some fun with little ol’ me? I bet’cha I know a bunch ’a tricks you‘ve never seen. Yer a little round-faced cutie, so I wouldn’t mind makin’ it worth yer while…”

“Oh please…”

Ignoring Husker’s annoyance, Monkey excitedly asked, “You know magic tricks Arms?!”

There was a pause where Angel blinked in confusion. But he quickly regained his lecherous smirk, moving his free hands to curve down his fluff and reattempt, “Nah… I’m talkin’ ‘bout a different kinda trick. Ya know? The ol’ midnight tango. A hanky-panky. Some sweet ‘n’ spicy kiss-don’t-tell with a guy that knows just the right way ta work his body, who can work ya down ‘til yer beggin’ ta have a taste ’a me…”

Angel received a blank look. Monkey didn’t even know enough of what he was talking about to label it as a mystery anything.

“ …I’m askin’ if you wanna FUCK! Goddammit!”

Angel exclaimed while throwing his arms into the air, finally giving up his air of sensuality in a way that had Husker snickering. Until the spider’s face lit up at a realization. The smirk and fluttering eyelashes were back in full force again much to Husker’s displeasure. “Wait, if yer so helplessly clueless… does that mean yer a virgin? Oh Luffers baby, I can rock yer first time sooo good! That’s a promise! What’cha say ya finally lose that V-card of yer’s with a whore who knows what he’s doin’?!”

Alastor almost wondered if the Monkey would still fail to clue in, but the boy simply stated, “Oh. That’s what all that was? Then no. I don’t really care about that stuff. What were you talkin’ about, Cat-Guy?”

Angel Dust finally leaned away from the boy after that, put out and rolling his eyes at how fast Monkey had lost interest. Husker meanwhile rose an eyebrow at him without pausing in his motions to clean the glass he was holding. “Well, for as much as Al bitched about you followin’ him here, looks like there’s at least one thing you guys have in common. That and how much damn meat you somehow manage to stuff down your throats… And I meant what I said. My job here is involuntary servitude as far as I’m concerned!”

At that, the spider was the one to raise a brow. Holding up his glass to take a sip, he snarked, “I know yer under contract and all Husk, but come on– By this point ya can’t say ya aren’t choosin’ ta be here! That whole time Smiles was missin’ while we were doin’ all the hard work to rebuild the place ya never took the chance to flap yer pretty wings and leave the nest.”

“Maybe that’s cause even if I was hopin’ for the opposite, I knew he’d be back eventually,” Husker shot back defensively while turning around to put the glass away. He then ruined his own efforts by hesitantly admitting, “ …And I didn’t say I wouldn’t stick around, if I had the choice. Just that I don’t got the choice at all! Or does that not matter to you so long as ya got a bartender makin’ your drinks?”

Angel Dust flinched back, face falling. He put his glass down to the side and leaned forward over the bar top, placating, “That– That’s not what I meant, Husk! Really! Sorry if it sounded like I wasn’t takin’ ya seriously. I know what it’s like. It’s just… I wish you’d admit you actually like hangin’ around us, once in a while…”

Husker kept his back facing the other, but Alastor’s shadow could see the other’s furry scowl soften, likely regretful. How pathetic.

Monkey, meanwhile, of course failed to realize this had become a private moment and stuck his confused little head in, “You really can’t leave? What’s keeping you here then?”

Once again, the cat’s scowl returned in full. Though this time sharp with resentment and bitterness rather than mere frustration. While Angel tensed up in his seat beside Monkey, Husker looked over his shoulder at the boy, gaze narrowing.

“ …Let’s just say a certain Overlord’s got a leash on me. It was my own fault, gamblin’ my soul away and all like an idiot, but that doesn’t mean I gotta like it.”

The Monkey’s thoughtless, neutral expression pulled into a frown. He didn’t hesitate before asking, “You mean Al? He said he does stuff like that. Told him it wouldn’t work on me.”

Both Husker and Angel straightened in shock at Monkey’s bluntness, eyes flashing wide. But in the next moment Husker’s gaze narrowed once more.

“He told ya about it outright? Ha– must’ve been real desperate to turn ya off recruitin’ him if he didn’t even try for the long game to trick your soul outta ya. How lucky for you,” leaning forward with both hands on the counter to give the boy a serious glare, Husker scoffed in his face, “And listen, I know ya’d think it’d be easy. Just don’t make a stupid deal in exchange for your soul, right? But when ya got a lot ridin’ on the line, when yer down on yer luck and end up thinkin’ if I just got one good hand, things’ll start goin’ my way… You end up takin’ risks you shouldn’t have to try and keep what you got. Only to end up losin’ it all…”

Really, how much more pathetic can this man get? Oh, the despair and inhumanity, to have lost one’s soul! Perhaps he shouldn’t have indulged in that gambling addiction of his then? So very easy to blame everything on the oh-so evil Radio Demon and dismiss the mistakes one’s made to lead to that moment. It takes two to have a handshake after all.

Not that Alastor was complaining. In fact, he truly relished his Husker’s pathetic, miserable groveling. To have swept in and won it all from an Overlord who was too confident about their place in the afterlife, to have had that prime opportunity to take advantage of that man’s mistakes to take everything for himself– he doesn’t think there’s anything in Hell that he takes more amusement in than that. Besides murdering the Overlords outright and broadcasting his violence for all to fear, that is. Husker here should simply be thankful he’d been useful enough in his vulnerability to have ended up in the former category rather than the later.

“Do you want help?” the question, so plainly stated, brought Alastor out of his musing. Monkey was looking at Husker with a similar sort of plainness to his features, but there was something firmer about the stare.

Husker squinted at that, suspicious. “ …Help with what, exactly?”

“Becoming free!”

The cat stared at the boy for a solid few seconds. Then, he turned his face to chuckle with acidic bitterness. Alastor echoed it from his place in his tower, the mean cackle curling his grin sharp. The spider just grimaced into his drink.

“Heh… I guess I appreciate the thought, kid, but there ain’t nothin’ you can help with. Not about this. Contracts can only be– ”

“Why not? Maybe you can’t do anything about it on your own, but I’ll find a way to do something.”

Husker scowled, becoming annoyed at the boy’s insistence to ignore logic and common sense, and Alastor… had a tempting idea.

Only the cat and the spider were in the lobby currently, along with the Monkey. Niffty was off in the walls somewhere no doubt, scurrying around like the insects she so loved to hunt, and Cherri who rotated between staying at the hotel and guarding her territory was off galivanting. But the Princess, her paramour, and the King were all having a meeting at the royal residence proper to attempt to plan defensive measures for the next Extermination. A meeting that Alastor was sure would go nowhere due to the King explicitly barring him from the discussion.

Alastor does not usually advertise the depth of control he has over his kept soul in front of the others, knowing it would upset the Princess and wanting to avoid potential issues from that. But with only the poor excuse for a bar joke trio present… he was freer to act how he pleased.

“If ya wanna try ‘helpin’ so badly, well just knock yourself out. Literally! Since you’ll probably lose yer head over it! Don’t come cryin’ to me when– Fuckin’ SHIT!” Husker jolted back with a curse when Alastor materialized out of his hidden shadow, walking up to the side of the bar in long, sure steps with his arms and cane held behind his back. Angel also cursed, outright jumping out of his seat to stand back. Monkey didn’t move in the slightest. He just stared at Alastor with those blank eyes of his.

Then, the cat seemed to pale somewhat underneath the fur of his face. “You– Boss, were you… doin’ that creepy shadow stalkin’ thing and listenin’ to us the whole time?”

Alastor made sure to keep his smile joyously pleasant. “You know me so well! Really now, you shouldn’t be so surprised by my entrances at this point, Cat-Guy~ ”

Husker’s face regained its color as it reflexively pulled into a snarl, “Oh not you too now! For fuck’s sake– ”

“And that’s precisely the backtalk I was expecting. Perfect! I have an excuse to do this now– ”

In the blink of an eye, an eerie green chain ending at a collar on Husker’s neck materialized into existence. Alastor harshly yanked it towards him, forcing the man out of the bar space to fall on the floor at his feet. Just to emphasize the action, Alastor placed a slightly crushing step onto the middle of the cat’s back between his wings, forcing him to remain flat on the ground while at the same time pulling the chain taunt by further wrapping the links around his cane. Alastor’s grin spit his face when one of the bar seats clamored onto the ground, pushed away and discarded as Monkey abruptly stood to stand directly in front of him.

The stupid boy final had a proper scowl on his face. “Let him go.”

The Radio Demon allowed himself to bark a short, shrill laugh at the powerless demand. Beneath his heel, his pet trembled oh so sweetly. The perfect picture of terrified subjection.

“A-Al… Alastor please!” the withering spider was the one to call out, this time. Still at the side but holding out his hands and pleading with surely familiar helplessness. “Husk didn’t even do nothin’, he was just answerin’ the new guy’s questions! That’s all! We– We won’t do it again! And– ya know that guy doesn’t know how things work ‘round here. He doesn’t know any better!”

“Yes, I know he’s too stupid to understand, Angel. That’s why I’m teaching him now through a practical lesson!”

Distortion buzzing louder and louder in his voice, glowing red radio dials set into hollow black eye sockets were set squarely on Monkey’s anger. His pet choke under his heel when Alastor grew taller and taller, limbs, neck, and fingers lengthening to a disgusting degree. Wide and branching antlers grew, casting a web of shadows over the scene. The red-lit X seared prominent in the center of his forehead.

Tightening his pull on the chain even further, his head tilted at a concerning angle as he heckled, “You want to help Cat-Guy so badly, but what can you even do, you de-evolved Monkey? This is the work of power you know not, cHiLd. Or are you going to ignore this along with everything else and still ask me– ”

With both unhesitating swiftness and lack of fanfare, Monkey’s fists snapped out to grab onto the chain and pull the links apart. They broke apart into two pieces, leaving the end leading to the poor soul to fall on the floor while keeping his grip on the end wrapped around Alastor’s cane.

He paused at the sight, and then laughed anew at such futile efforts.

“AhAhAhHaHaHa~ You truly do not know how this works, do you? I can make as may chains as I please to bind to this soul! The Contract at play is a deeper sort of pOwEr~ ”

To drive the point home, the chain Monkey was still holding vanished, and a newly formed chain whipped out of his cane to replace the broken one with ease. The Contract in question materialized to hang in the air beside him, inked in an unsettling green light. Alastor’s too-long arm reached out to grab it and stick the thing in Monkey’s still scowling face.

“Only the dEaLmAkEr can control the Contract. Whether it be to change or void or own in my possession, my oWnErShIp cannot be taken! It is out of yOuR rEaCh– ”

The Contract was snapped out of his hand. Monkey’s hands deftly held either side of the sheet before tearing it apart in one great rip, jagged edges running down the center to cut though the inked magic.

Alastor stared at the two halves of the Contract as they floated gently to the floor.

Angel stared at them. Husker stared at them.

They all watched in total silence as the thing lit up into smoldering white flame. It ignited at the torn bits to eat through the center, until they consumed everything. Not even smoldering ash was left.

The chain wrapped around Alastor’s cane and Husker’s collar promptly shattered apart entirely, link by link. It dissolved until there was nothing left. They all stared at where it used to be.

All except for one. The only one who moved was Monkey, who leaned down to carefully pull Husker out from under Alastor’s hold. The man was utterly still, shellshocked as he was placed back on his feet and the boy patted him on the shoulder. He ignored the bugging eyes and gaping jaw to smile brightly in triumph. “There! All better! Don’t know why it was such a big deal though. It’s just a piece of paper.”

“…You …shouldn’t ‘ve been able to do that,” Angel was the one to find his voice first, hand holding the top of his head and still staring at Monkey with eyes so wide they practically took up half his face.

“Huh? Why not? Paper is paper.”

“ …Paper is– That wasn’t just any paper!”

Husker finally snapped. Grabbing at the collar of Monkey’s shirt, he shook the boy back and forth in manic jerking motions that matched the bewildered partial insanity of his expression. “It doesn’t work like that! That’s a fuckin’ magical Contract! It’s just some– some bullshit metaphysical representation of the real thing! They can’t be physically touched! Not unless ya have the magic that made it in the first place! What you did is literally! Physically! IMPOSSIBLE!!!”

“ …So it was a mystery paper. Still doesn’t matter. I do things people say I shouldn’t be able to do all the time. I tore it up, and that’s that.”

The shaking jerked to a stop. Husker was left staring, mouth gapping without finding any words to say.

Very carefully, slim pink fingers detangled the cat’s hold on the Monkey to slowly pull Husker away. Angel’s smile and hesitant words were filled with enduring shock, but he’d screwed his head on back enough to decide, “Alright… So that just happened… Husk, ya know what? Let’s just… not think about it too much? No lookin’ a trojan horse in the mouth or whatever the sayin’ is. You ‘n’ me ‘re gonna leave right now to celebrate with a night out on the town, while Smiles here is still broken… Good luck Luffers!”

With that warning, the spider swiftly picked up the dead weight and fled through the hotel doors. Monkey just watched them leave with a curious hum.

It was only then that Alastor felt himself blink back into comprehension. He felt that he was out of his demon form, having been outright shocked right out of it. He stared at the Monkey. The Monkey stared back.

And really, truly, Alastor should be broiling with fury by now. With the understanding of what the Hell just happened, he should be ready to erupt into a monstrous rage the likes of which had been seen by the Princess’s dearly beloved Hazbin Hotel. He should already be shifting back into his most demonic, powerful form to tear the limbs off the Monkey one by one, saving the head for last to tear off with serrated teeth.

But instead, Alastor just stared at the other, and he stared back. Like man and the abyss. But who is the man and who is the abyss, in this scenario?

“ …How ever did you do that?”

After a couple of blinks, Monkey just shrugged. All the previous anger had left him to leave his casual belligerence intact. “Don’t know. I just did what I wanted, that’s all.”

Alastor’s eye twitched ever so slightly, pulling at the frozen grin on his face. But the annoyance didn’t keep, fading back into the void of… it wasn’t quite shock anymore. A similar sort of emotion, certainly, but the weight of it carried differently. Rather than the light breathlessness of shock, he felt it weigh down in his chest rather unpleasantly.

“ …How very nice for you. That you can just do what you want, and that’s all. Meanwhile here I am, unable to do what I want and keep a person within my control simply because it disturbs your delicate sensibilities. Is it not hypocritical of you?”

“Nah…” and with the denial, the Monkey’s smile pulled into an edge that Alastor had yet to see from the boy, but he himself found quite familiar. Just a touch of childish pride teasing just a bit mean.

“It’s like we said before. You gotta be strong enough to keep what you win. I was just strong enough to win him back is all. Pirates don’t play fair anyway.”

Alastor’s grip on his cane tightened, his fingers lightly scrapping against the top of the mic-head as he planted the end into the floor in front of him. His jaw tightened as well, teeth grinding together slightly. The ends of his grin curled tight further and further.

Only for his head to tilt back and his maw to open wide in distorted, delirious, maniacal laughter–

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA– ”

It stopped as abruptly as it started. The sound cut off all at once, merely leaving the echo to resound against the walls. Eyes closing shut and smile a thin crescent of a moon, Alastor turned his back to other. He didn’t bother checking for the boy’s reaction. He was as unconcerned with Alastor’s should be concerning behavior as always.

As he started walking away, without glancing behind him, he chimed back, “You win this round. I suggest you take care to ensure it’s not your last.”

“It won’t be.”

“Ha– Foolishly confident as usual …But I suppose you have reason to be. Farewell for now, Straw Hat…”

The moniker, spoken in the eerie murmur of radio feed, echoed through the halls along until the sound faded. Leaving only the echo of footsteps behind.

Chapter Text

There was something unusual concerning Straw Hat. A statement that seemed almost idiotically obvious, but this unusual Alastor was thinking of went beyond the boy’s antics or eccentricities. He was unusual in that there was something fundamentally very different about him than the average mortal soul condemned to Hell. Something that was beyond just the world he’d originated from.

Husker hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said breaking another’s contract in the manner Straw Hat had should’ve been literally physically impossible. And yet, as the boy himself had said, he’d done it anyway. Not to mention the suggestions of him having been able to choose between Heaven and Hell for himself. Even if Straw Hat seemed content not to look more into his own capabilities, Alastor now found himself to be invested in this point of intrigue that had dropped down from the sky in front of him.

For all the boy defaulted to proclaiming every concept he failed to comprehend to be a mystery, it was Straw Hat who was the current mystery of this Hazbin Hotel. There was something about him that Alastor didn’t know. Something that Straw Hat himself might not even know. And even if he did know, only to the extent of the most basic understanding. He’d be unable to explain it even if Alastor questioned him about it.

Not that he was planning to do so. He could play with his puzzles just fine without resorting to having the answers handed to him. Therefore, with a new game at play, he set the shades to begin lurking about for more information regarding the Straw Hat’s world. It was the main lead he had to work with at the moment as well as being a good starting point regardless.

This type of game was one that required patience, however. Alastor knew better than to expect instant results. For all that he set his magics to work throughout the night, life at the hotel continued as usual. Including the continued work of a certain bartender…

“So… what was it you was sayin’ ‘bout involuntary servitude again?”

“If ya want yer drink you’ll shut that damn mouth of yers!” Husker hissed like an actual cat when he slid the spider’s drink over to him. Angel Dust grinned knowingly, complying with the request for silence by starting on his monstrously pink excuse for an alcoholic beverage.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Husker did not leave the hotel despite having an actual choice now. Though admittedly the only residents in question who were aware of this were the four present when the incident occurred.

The man spent the first couple of days of his newfound freedom in shock. Even after seemingly having wrapped his head somewhat around the idea during his “celebratory night” with Angel, it was clear he emotionally failed to understand. He looked quite bit similar to a zombie wandering and staring into space. It was to the point that Charlie had attempted to ask after the issue, only for Husker to decline her efforts. It had saddened the girl, but shortly after the cat pulled himself back together again, so with the apparent issue having passed the Princess left things be.

Alastor had been able to see through his shadow the very moment that Husker had, finally, come to fully understand what had happened. Because as soon as everything clicked together inside that furry little head of his, a look of firm determination came over him. He went straight to finding Straw Hat.

It was a bit amusing since that was a day Straw Hat had been bored enough to leave and randomly wander the streets in search of a so-called “adventure”. He’d yet to get a phone –and considering his world used snails in the place of telephones, would likely remain unaware that he should get one until someone complained about having to locate him. Just as Husker needed to do now. The cat ran himself ragged trying to follow the various signs of disarray and minor destruction until he came upon the boy. Very characteristically, he was in the middle of stripping a turkey leg bare of its meat in one giant bite. One this time paid for via the allowance Charlie had oh-so kindly provided for him due to the fragility of her bleeding heart.

“Cat-Guy! What’s up?”

Glare narrowing, Husker opened his mouth to complain, only to close it and reconsider his response, “Ya know what? Call me whatever you want. You clearly earned it. Anyway, I got somethin’ important to talk to ya about, so come over here for a sec…”

He pulled Straw Hat further into a nearby alleyway, likely wary of potential ears or cameras listening in for a certain other Overlord that wasn’t Alastor. For his own part, Alastor made sure his shadow was well hidden enough that it was overlooked as Husker began conversing in earnest. Though his start was a rather awkward one.

“I… guess I should thank ya first, actually,” Husker admitted while scratching at the back of his neck, glancing at the boy only to avert his gaze just as quick, “You... You didn’t have to stick your neck out for someone you hardly even know like me, but ya did anyway even when I was only talkin’ ya down. So… Thanks for that.”

Straw Hat just smiled brightly, belligerently dismissive of the other’s uncertainty. “Nah! You guys give me food, so I like you! And you said you were okay with me helping, so I helped! That’s all.”

“That wasn’t… I wasn’t givin’ permission– Nevermind. Why the fuck am I tryin’ to argue with the guy that freed my damn soul about how he did it?” Husker seemed to question himself more than the other in that sentiment, before switching back to the issue at hand. His expression fell into something dark and heavy, the total opposite to the boy he spoke with.

“I’m not the only one with a Contract like that… wasn’t, I guess. Angel… He’s in a lot ‘a deep shit with his Contract. His soul’s owned by a different Overlord named Valentino. A sick fucker who’s top of the sex entertainment business in the city that’s part of the Vees’ industry conglomerate or whatever it’s called. I know I was just talkin’ about how ya don’t need to stick your neck out for folks you’ve known for two weeks at best, so I’ll understand if you’re not up for it. They’re not part of the hotel so they won’t let it go like Al did just cause ya have Charlie’s protection.” –Which was an incorrect assumption to make concerning why he chose not to retaliate, but he was content to leave the cat to his ignorance– “But… what do ya think about gettin’ him outta that deal? Like how you did for me…”

Alastor was unsure if Straw Hat would understand what “sex entertainment business” meant, but the boy didn’t make mention of it. Straw Hat’s wide black eyes blinked at Husker, smile having dimmed into that usual blank expression that gave the impression nothing of value was going on in that Monkey brain of his. Though whether or not that’s true remained to be seen considering the other’s tendency for surprising bouts of perception.

“I’ll help if Arms asks me, but he needs to ask.”

Husker seemed surprised that that was the stipulation raised, rather than anything related to things that actually made sense in this context like likelihood of success or potential compensation. His face pulled into half a grimace as he asked, “What’s that gotta do with it? I mean– he should be askin’ for your help now after seein’ what you can do, you’re right, but… He’s terrified of that guy, kid. He’s probably talked himself out of pullin’ ya into the mess.”

After humming in the back of his throat a bit, Straw Hat gained a softer smile as he replied, “Then you should talk to him and tell him to ask for help.”

“Isn’t it enough that I’m askin’ on his behalf? It should be the same for ya either way.”

“Nah– it’s totally different. You can only help people that’re ready to be helped, ya know.”

“I’m pretty sure regardless of if he’s ready or not he still needs the help!” Husker finally huffed in frustration, crossing his arms over his chest, wings and tail twitching slightly in agitation. He glanced away from the boy then, apparently ready to give up on the self-imposed task.

He startled in place when Straw Hat further explained, “Yeah, he does need help. But if he’s not ready for it then he won’t let it happen. When my Nakama get like that I just gotta make sure they know it’s fine! So since you’re Arms’s Nakama, you should be the one to do it. He won’t care if it’s me– it’s gotta be you!”

The curious word failed to translate for some reason. Alastor found himself appreciative that Husker, after looking back at the other with hesitant consideration, asked of his confusion, “Uh… I think I get what you’re puttin’ down now, kid, but what’s that thing you said… Nakama? I’m assumin’ it means friends or somethin’ like that…”

“Well yeah we’re friends! But it’s more than that too…” Holding his chin in his hand, Straw Hat looked like he was about to give himself an aneurysm trying to think through how to translate his likely unexplainable thoughts aloud. A true trial for one of his nature, to be certain.

“It’s friends, but forever ‘n’ ever cause you’ll always be waiting for ‘em when they’re not around! It’s family, but better cause I like ‘em all more than Grandpa and I only talked to my dad that one time! It’s crew! I got lots ’a friends, but not all of ‘em are Nakama. So you and Arms are Nakama and ‘re also Chacha’s Nakama and she’s the captain. Get it?”

“…So yer comparin’ us to a pirate crew. Got it.” Husker rolled his eyes at the lackluster explanation, but soon after, his gaze fell half-lidded in pensive thought. “Ya got a point buried somewhere in that mess, though, so… I’ll try talkin’ to him, yeah.”

Husker left shortly after that with thoughts weighing heavy on his mind. Since his shadow had gone to the trouble of following the cat all the way to Straw Hat’s location, Alastor had planned to keep the tail on the boy in case some entertainment came about from it.

Only for the monkey demon to tilt his head up and to the side, gaze somehow immediately finding the general location of where the shadow was hidden. He looked more curious than put out at having an eavesdropper in his midst. “Doesn’t bad stuff happen when ya don’t have your shadow like that? Guess it would be different for Al though. You’re weird like that! Shishishi!”

His shadow slunk away with almost a petulant air about it. It streaked inky blackness in its wake as it retreated back to Alastor’s side to sulk. He patted its head, somewhat sympathetic for the poor thing while at the same time, once again, properly intrigued by Straw Hat’s capabilities. He should really just stop assuming anything at all about the boy’s behavior or actions. He had the feeling that would be the only way to stop being caught off-guard whenever Straw Hat turned around to do something fully unexpected.

The referenced talk occurred but a day or so later after Angel returned from a long night of filming. When he returned to his usual place at the bar, Husker led the spider outside and a good distance down the street from the hotel, likely trying to avoid Alastor listening in. Foolishly at that, considering his shadow could simply follow them out unnoticed. Angel Dust clearly worried over the need for privacy. Husker was quick to start once they’d reached what he arbitrarily decided to be an appropriate distance.

“You should really ask the kid to break your Contract for you, Angel.”

“…H-Huh? What’cha talkin’ about, Husk?! That’s– ” face screwing up and unable to look at the other, Angel had to detangle his words, “That’s– It’s different for me than it was for you! Al would ‘a killed Luffers if Charlie wasn’t around to get on his ass about it after, but Valentino’s not any sorta reasonable like that! I can’t ask him to pick a fight with an Overlord! Not to mention one in the kinda alliance he’s got. That’s like hecklin’ three at once!”

“So what? You’re just gonna give up on the best chance you’ve ever had to get your soul back and let it walk away?! You can let the kid decide for himself if he’s willin’ to pick that fight or not– at least ask him about it first!”

“Luffers was dumb enough to pick a fight with the Radio Demon, and ya expect him to make any kinda informed decision about how far he can punch up?! He’s gonna agree cause he doesn’t know any better and doesn’t listen! Ya know that Husk! Are ya really gonna blame me for not wantin’ ta take advantage of him like that?”

Now outright grimacing, Husker took a couple steps forward. When Angel failed to raise his head to look at the approach, he huffed and continued with insistence, “I’m not tryin’ to blame ya for anythin’, I just don’t understand where you’re comin’ from. It’s nice you’re lookin’ out for the guy, but I would’a thought you’d be lookin’ out for yer own skin enough to take the chance on him. You should be at least. You may be soft on your friends, but ya haven’t known the guy that long.”

Both sets of arms crossed over Angel’s chest. Mouth pulling tight in a firm line, he finally raised his eyes to give Husker a particularly pathetic, soulful look.

“I’m lookin’ out for him cause he helped you! That matters! I can’t put Val’s target on his back when I owe ‘em for– for savin’ the soul of someone that important ta me…”

Husker’s expression wiped blank in surprise, blindsided by the answer. There was a heavy moment of consideration where Angel just glared at the other in defiance. Brow furrowing again, Husker glanced away only to force himself back to maintaining eye contact.

“That… It means a lot to hear ya say that. I’m… It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but I care about you too. Ya know that, right?” Fingers clawed into the fur of his chest as Husker’s gaze turned into a painful, desperate plea.

“If I’m bein’ honest… for a while now, the thing that I hate the most about this Hell, the thing I came to hate even more than my soul bein’ owned by a psychopathic bastard… It’s havin’ to see you walk in after a night of that– that fucking god-awful bitch hurting you!”

Angel Dust flinched back, his turn to fall into shock. But Husker just kept up with his rambling, “It’s seein’ the way ya gotta pretend to be fine when you’re not! It’s seein’ the way ya try to protect everyone else when you’ve givin’ up on protectin’ yourself! What’s it any good havin’ my life and freedom back if I can’t even use it to save you?! I– ! I…”

His gaze lowered to glance down at the hand on his chest. There was a tense moment silence. A decision seemed to settle inside Husker, and he looked back up in full certainty.

“…I’d trade it all away if it got ya outta there, Angel Darlin’. I’d even trade it to back the Radio Demon himself.”

The grin of that certain Radio Demon curled in on itself, growing wide and cruel.

From up in his tower, straightening his lax posture in his seat, Alastor immediately took interest in the conversation again. His attention recaptured after having waned with coming boredom at the too-sappy happenings.

Angel, meanwhile, lost the strength of his legs, forcing him to fall into a lean against the metal bars of fence they stood beside as his knees slowly sunk to the concrete. He looked to be in even more disbelief than he had been seeing Straw Hat break the Contract. Husker jolted into kneeling down with him, quick to steady the other, but the spider just stared at him, gaze wide and horrified.

“Wh-What… Don’t… Don’t say stuff like that. Are ya tryin’ ta get Al ta come steal yer soul again?!”

“I said it cause I meant it.”

“But WHY?! How– ” voice breaking, distraught tears budded in Angel’s eyes as he cried, “H-How could ya care that much… ‘bout someone like me…?!”

Large hands coming to rest on both the other’s shoulders, Husker gave Angel a somber look. “Because– Cause it’s more than just bein’ friends. It’s more than bein’ family. It’s more than some make-believe pirate crew– The Hell ‘m I even talkin’ ‘bout? That kid’s really gotten to me. Whatever! It’s just– cause I do care. You’re someone worth carin’ about. Even if ya don’t feel that way, it’s the truth. I already talked to Luffy and he said he’d help if ya asked, so ya don’t gotta worry about that. Just… accept the help, please. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

A couple stray tears blinked out of their place, falling down Angel’s cheeks. When Husker’s hand moved to thumb them away, the spider tensed under the touch. Angel’s gaze fell half-lidded as it lowered to the space between them. When he next spoke, it was a barely audible, shuddering whisper…

“ …What if …What if he’s right about me? Val... What if he’s right that without ‘em, I’m just… Just some worthless, used-up addict whore. What if I really am nothin’ without him? What if that place is where I belong? What if yer seein’ somethin’ that ain’t there, and I’ll just end up… a disappointment.”

“ …He’s not right. The fact he got ya to believe that bullshit for even a second is fucked. I already said I’d offer my soul for you, Angel, so if you’re nothin’… that just means I’m nothin’, too. Just two losers with nothin’ to give, just like we said.”

Using a finger, Husker gently tilted up Angel’s chin to guide the spider gaze back onto him. The once dim eyes began to shine just a bit brighter from the unshed tears. “If ya need someone to spell it out for you, I’ll say it plainly– The place you belong is that has-been hotel, where the rest of us has-beens live. Where the people that care about you are. I can be harsh on ya sometimes, but really… by now I think I know ya well enough to know that you could never disappoint me, because I can trust that ya won’t let me down. We all fought together for that place of ours, and we’ll fight for you, too. You just gotta fight for yourself along with us.”

When Husker’s hand shifted from Angel’s chin to his cheek, the other’s slim pink hand rose to cover it. After a tense, breathless moment, Angel’s lips pursed. He responded quietly, “…I gotta… think about it, for a bit at least. So just– just promise me… no matter what happens or what I decide… don’t even think ‘a makin’ any deals with Alastor or anyone else at that.”

“Angel– ”

“Don’t ya Angel me, I’m bein’ serious here! You offerin’ yer soul for me is very romantic ‘n’ all, but I don’t want ya ta lose it! So… Promise me.”

“ …Alright, then. I promise.”

Scoffing loud in his otherwise empty studio, Alastor pulled his shadow away from the scene with a touch of huffiness. All that time invested into a conversation that practically bored him to tears, and for what? For an unfair tease to end in the most unsatisfactory manner possible! Such pathetic drivel…

As he said he would, Angel Dust took quite a bit of time to think over Husker’s suggestion. Almost a full week went by without the spider making his move, all the while acting as typical as he usually did. Husker was not so subtle. Whenever Angel was around, he would keep a solid sight on the other, watching and waiting. There was nothing else for him to do at that point but to wait.

It was only at the end of this timeframe that anything of note occurred. The day began, as most days of unprecedented disaster do, with a normal, light-hearted breakfast. More festival than usual even, since the King had deigned to make pancakes. Alastor had almost absently noted that the man had been attempting various efforts to lighten Charlie’s mood, suggesting that the meeting they’d had concerning anti-Extermination planning had gone as poorly as Alastor had envisioned it would.

Alastor himself had chosen to attend breakfast as well, knowing that the King being forced to provide food for him would surely grate against his nerves. Though he was also there for one other purpose as well.

He watched on with a contented smile as Straw Hat paused in the middle of shoving his pancakes into his face to turn and glance back at where Alastor’s shadow had poked at his shoulder. The boy’s expression somehow managed to light up despite being outrageously morphed around the pancakes half sticking out of his mouth, waving at the thing while it waved back. From the other side of Straw Hat, a shade minion poured hazardous-looking green poison all over the last remaining pancakes on his plate.

The others at the table all stared at happenings in shock, forks halting in place. Except for Niffty of course, who instead grinned in budding anticipation while rubbing her hands together. Charlie choked on the bite she’d just taken, hacking and coughing violently. The King completely ignored the poisoning to rush to his daughter’s side and fuss over her.

“Alastor what the actual fuck– ?! Don’t Luffy– !”

Too late! The speed of Straw Hat’s voracity surpassed that of Vaggie’s reaction, and within the next blink, the poisoned pancakes were already consumed.

The boy grimaced at the taste when he finally settled down, leaning back in his seat while sticking out his tongue in an attempt to look at it. “Ick– were there veggies in those ‘re somethin’, Veggie?”

“Alastor just poisoned you, you dumbass! Cough it up right now!” Vaggie growled, slamming her palms onto the table. She then redirected her glare back to Alastor to continue her rage, “Are you seriously doing this now?! Did you think we’d just let you do that shit right in front of us?! The people who stay in this hotel are under our protection, and we won’t stand by while– ”

“Oh– that’s fine then, Veggie. It’s no problem. That doesn’t work on me.”

There was a single beat. Everyone’s heads slowly turned back to Straw Hat, Alastor included. Straw Hat’s grin was as shining as always, fully unbothered by the matter.

“ …What’d ya mean it doesn’t work on ya?!” Husker was the one to question, half bewildered and half annoyed at the attitude.

Still unbothered, Straw Hat just shrugged with all the carelessness he possessed. “The Poison-Guy poisoned me a ton and I almost died but I lived, so now it doesn’t work on me. Cool right!”

Vaggie slapped a hand into her face, covering it as she groaned into it. Charlie resolved her choking, leaving her free to look at Straw Hat with a conflicted, worried expression. She wasn’t sure if she should still be panicking or not. Niffty just huffed in miffed dissatisfaction. Angel stared wide-eyed with his fork still hanging in his mouth, rapidly blinking at the monkey demon.

Cherri leaned her face against her hand with her elbow on the table, then questioned with only partial interest, “And ya don’t give a shit that the guy you’re apparently tryin’ to recruit just tried killin’ ya because… ?”

Straw Hat blinked at the woman once, like he was trying to process why he should be worried about something as trivial as Alastor poisoning his food. “It didn’t work so it doesn’t matter, right?”

“No! No it very much matters! That was a very not good thing to do!” Charlie finally reacted, jolting into a stand to place her own hands on the table and lean forward towards Straw Hat’s side in a frantic motion. And even still, Straw Hat shrugged. This time with a petulant pout.

“It’s a not good thing yeah, but I still don’t care. He hasn’t been really trying and he’ll stop once he joins my crew. So it’s fine.” Eyes shifting to the side in another split second of thought, Straw Hat’s smile returned in full when he looked back at Charlie again to correct himself, “It’d be fine if he still tried a bit sometimes even after he joins, too! It’s how he has fun and it’s kinda fun for me too, haha!”

There was another beat. The silence was broken by Alastor’s seat scraping against the floor as he stood up and pushed the chair back in. He then promptly turned his back on the affair, holding his hands and cane behind him as he walked away while musing aloud, “I had not expected anything of that, and yet you still managed to provide an unexpected experience. I suppose I know better than to try that again, then. You’ll be pleased to know that your tolerance will serve you well though. Until next time, Straw Hat.”

“Bye bye! I’m gonna take your pancakes– !”

“You shall not.” Alastor had his shadow devour the rest of his plate, including the plate itself, in one go. He chuckled in the back of his throat in delight at the boy’s loud whine of disappointment.

From behind him, Alastor could hear the King stammer in awkward nervousness, “Wow! You– are really concerningly dedicated to befriending a serial killer cannibal demon who wants you dead! It’s sort of uncomfortable to watch actually. And I say that as the guy who invited you to the hotel for the sole purpose of fucking with the bastard!”

“You– What? That’s why you brought up Luffy staying with us?! Daaaad!”

“Uh… Wait a sec, I can explain! How do I explain? Oh, I got it– You see Charlie, when a man and a man hate each other very much– ”

“Don’t start like THAT!!!”

He had clearly left at just the right time.

It wasn’t until later that day when the action started. Once again, the act was preluded by Angel Dust returning from a long shift, arriving in the late-night bleeding into early morning.

Despite the late hour, Husker was still about. Since he’d spoke with Angel he’d purposely matched his schedule to the other, as though if he didn’t keep constant track of the spider’s whereabouts he’d miss the crucial moment when Angel made his decision. Apparently the clinginess had paid off for him. As soon as Angel made his way into the lobby, Husker’s face went dark with low-lying, concentrated fury. He didn’t like what he saw.

One of Angel’s hands was covering one side of his face, holding an ice pack against the inflammation misshaping the flesh of his eye and cheek. His eye was fully shut and discolored. One of his arms was already bandaged up, tended to before he’d left. Husker quickly slid out of the bar to approach and take a more thorough look.

Angel, who’d kept his stare firmly on the ground up until then, finally raised his gaze to show an expression cast in bitterness. It seemed that the spider had upset Valentino in some way that day. Presumably, that was the last push the spider required.

“I’m gonna talk ta him in the mornin’…”

“Angel…”

“I– I didn’t even do nothin’!” Angel spat out the words with his free arms curling in over his torso. Husker reached out to hold the injured one lightly by the elbow, his own expression a shimmering scowl. “He just freaked out ‘bout the tiniest little thing like he always does! What else does he want from me?! Isn’t it enough that he gets ta– ”

The spider abruptly cut off his growing tirade at the sound of a yawn echoing down the hallway. The two present as well as Alastor were surprised to see a sleepy Straw Hat make his way into the lobby, though he himself less so than the others.

Brow furrowing now from confusion rather than hidden rage, Husker was the one to question, “Wha– What’re ya doin’ up at this hour, kid?”

“Felt there’s somethin’ wrong with Arms when he came in,” the boy explained without actually explaining anything. While he took a few seconds to bring his mind out of the fog, Straw Hat stopped his hand in the middle of its motion rubbing his eye when his sight cleared up enough to see Angel. The hand dropped to his side as his mouth pulled into a proper scowl.

Approaching to stand directly in front of Angel, Straw Hat crossed his arms over his chest and plainly asked, “The bad guy hurt you, right? You want me to help?”

Angel stared at the boy in his continued surprise, not having braced himself for getting right into things, but it quickly fell into a muted look. His gaze averted in its discomfort.

“Yeah… I… I need your help, Luffy. I… wanna be free, too…”

“ ‘K. Let’s go then,” Straw Hat agreed with a nod. As soon as Angle gave his consent, he turned around to head towards the door.

Abruptly looking back up in a blink, Angel stammered, “W-Wait– We’re doin’ this now?! At crack ‘o clock in the mornin?!”

The image of casual understatement, the boy just glanced back to shrug. “Yeah. Why not now?”

The two stared at Straw Hat for an enduring moment. Then, Husker placed his hand on Angel’s back, helping to guide him forward. Angel glanced down to see the cat nod in somber agreement.

And with that, the unlikely trio left the hotel and began to make their way through the city.

The sky of the Pride Ring was darkened by the time of night, but not to the extent the sky of the surface world did. The blood red of the sky always held a somewhat dim illumination that stemmed from the expansive pentagram that hovered above it as well as its darkened celestial body outlined by its own scarlet pentagram. The closest thing Hell, or at least this Ring of Hell, had to a sun or moon was the light of those pentagrams as well as that of Heaven off in the distance above, a view of salvation far out of reach. At “night” the red of sky darkened, and Alastor had always appreciated the additional ambiance of these witching hours.

Angel led the way to stand in front of the Vees’ towering skyscraper that stood near the center of Pentagram city. He had ditched the ice pack sometime in the middle of the journey, evidently not wanting it to get in the way. They paused on the sidewalk opposite to the front of the building. Straw Hat tilted his head way back to find the top of it. “Woah– It’s so tall! A lot the places are tall here! It’s cool! So, where’s the bad guy at?”

Taking a hesitant side-glance at Angel, Husker offered, “Ya don’t have to come with us, Angel. Ya shouldn’t have to deal with that bastard anymore. Me ‘n’ the kid could figure it out and you can wait here for us.”

“ …No. I’ve gotta go too. I can’t just leave everythin’ to ya guys. If I’m really doin’ this, I gotta face him head on,” Angel declared with solid resolution before moving on to how to progress, “By now Val should be asleep in his penthouse at the top ‘a the buildin’. I don’t think it’ll be too hard ta get the guy ta show off the Contract, he’s a prideful sonna ‘va bitch showoff and won’t see it comin’. The hard part’ll be just gettin’ through the place with all ‘a Vox’s security around and gettin’ the Hell outta dodge before the other Vees show up ta– The Hell ya doin’ wit ya arm???”

The bewildered question was aimed at Straw Hat, who was in the midst of pinwheeling his right arm in a spinning blur hinging at his shoulder. Smiling at Angel’s and Husker’s confusion, his left arm looped out wide to circle the both of them. He held them tight against his side much to both of their discomfort.

“We don’t gotta go through the inside. I can just take us right to the top so I can beat him up! Hold on ‘k!”

“ …To the top? Wait– you don’t actually mean– ”

Straw Hat ignored Husker’s fretting, shooting the momentum of his arm out to stretch, stretch, and streeeetch all the way to the roof edge of the skyscraper. Angel and Husker’s eyes bugged out a bit at the absurd sight.

Before fear overtook them when they were all abruptly jerked up and into the sky, following the tension of the rubbery arm.

“OOOH SWEET BABY JESUS– !”

“FUCKIN’ CHRIST ON A STICK KID– !”

“Gum-Gum Rocket! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA– !”

Emerging from his shadow that had been lurking at the side of the walkway, Alastor stepped out to admire the view of their shrieking forms, one of thrill and two of terror, becoming smaller and smaller as they rushed up to the tower’s pinnacle. His shadow scurried up the side to make sure he could watch the coming show.

They crashed through one of the large floor-to-ceiling window walls of the penthouse. Straw Hat turned his body and curled the two further against him so that his back would take the brunt of the impact. He seemed completely unharmed even as their momentum continued into an inner wall opposite the window. Husker and Angel emerged from the cloud of dust and debris in a daze. Straw Hat merely stepped out of the hole in the wall they’d made, casually brushing bits of drywall and glass shards off himself.

After Husker shook his wings free of debris, he shot an exasperated glance towards their uncaring method of transportation. "Even ignorin' the literally shootin' us into the window thing, ya seriously have a move name for that- ?!" 

“WHA– What the fucking Hell was THAT– ?!”

Valentino shot out of his bedroom in a start at the sound of the ruckus. From the upper balcony, he leaned over the railing to peer with the horridly inept sight of his squinty bug eyes to try and see through the settling dust. He only just caught sight of the three, face going slack in instinctual shock, when a hand stretched up to grab him by the neck.

Straw Hat tore Valentino through the railing, jerking him down to slam his face into the tile of the ground floor so hard it shattered into a web of branching cracks. Kneeling over the moth, Straw Hat kept his left hand’s hold on Valentino’s neck while slamming one foot into his lower back and wings, pinning him down. The boy didn’t even budge when the Overlord tried bucking him off, a feat considering that as the physically largest of the Vees, Valentino possessed a fair amount of physical strength. Straw Hat was half his height at best but remained unmoved by the much larger demon’s struggle.

Four arms attempted to scrabble back to claw at his attacker, only for Straw Hat’s right hand to go flying in a blur. Each of Valentino’s elbows were crushed by powerful palm strikes that left both the tile and the moth’s bones and joints cracking in such quick succession, it almost looked like four hands were attacking instead of one. So fast that the man’s guttural hiss of pain only sounded after the last arm was demolished.

When Straw Hat lifted his hand back, palm still open with its fingers lightly curled in, it was a stark black that bled into the tan flesh of his lower arm. The color highlighted the scarlet faintly smeared across the inside of the palm. Valentino’s blood leaked and splattered against it when splintered bone broke through flesh and skin.

This entire series of events commencing from after the crash-landing entrance occurred within the span of approximately five seconds.

Further to the side next to Husker and once again thoroughly shocked, Angel hissed a low, “Hooooly shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…”

“Where’s the paper?”

Pain still hissing in his throat, Valentino turned his head as much as he could to glare daggers at the boy pinning him down. He growled out, “I-It’s really come to this, Angel baby?”

Coming to a start, with Husker reaching out to place a comforting hand on his back, Angel forced himself out of the shock to take a stand, “Ye– Yeah, asshole! I’m done wit this bullshit, alright?! I’m not gonna let some– some bullshit piece ‘a paper keep me from takin’ my life back! Consider this my two minutes notice!”

“…Who’s even this no name monkey you got to fight your battles for you? I’ll admit, he was a good find, but this won’t be enough! Did you forget who I am?! Who it is who owns you?!”

Valentino’s fury shifted into a thin grin of cruelty. As he spat out those last words, red smoke bellowed out from around the moth to fully surround him and his captor. Eyes flashing wide in fright, Angel Dust immediately grabbed Husker by the arm to pull the both of them further back from the so far one-sided fight, using one hand holding a piece of cloth he’d pulled out of his fluff to cover the cat’s mouth and nose and another on his own.

“Since you did this well, I’ll give you the privilege of seeing for yourself my Contract for Angel baby’s soul. You can read it and weep as you gasp for air, convulse on the ground, and PARISH~ ”

A gold-tinted Contract with red smoke spiraling around it materialized inside the red fog. Valentino giggled, just a tad charming mixed with a tad insane, like his threat was a flirtatious thing, “You ever try Hemlock, cutie? Now that’s a drug that’ll knock ya dead! I usually use something else for fun times instead, but I maxed out my toxins just for you!”

From inside the crimson fumes, Straw Hat tilted his head to the side just a bit in a rather unnerving motion. He stated plainly, “You’re kinda dumb aren’t ya, Moth-Man. That doesn’t work on me.”

“ …What do you mean it doesn’t work– ”

Hand having returned to its normal coloring, Straw Hat snatched Contract out of the smoke. He brought it to his mouth to snag one edge with his teeth, tugging sharply with his fist and jaw to rip a messy, jagged diagonal tear through the thing.

Valentino’s visible eye went bug-eyed at the sight of his Contract floating down through the swirling smoke. Still within the dim red, it caught white fire and burned until it was fully consumed. Just as Alastor’s had been.

From the relative safety of Angel’s spectator spot where he’d been staring wide-eyed at the scene, a smokey red collar and chain materialized only to shatter apart entirely. His gaze jerked down to where the bonds had used to be, the free hand that wasn’t holding either his or Husker’s face lifting to faintly graze his fingertips over the empty spot on his neck.

But Straw Hat wasn’t done, still. In his opponent’s –victim’s?– utter shock and disorientation, the boy got up while turning Valentino around in his grasp, pulling his head so far back it stretched out his neck a good couple of feet while his forehead bled into black. All the tension released in a snap. As well as a crack, when Straw Hat’s head came flying forward into a crushing headbutt that sounded like it moderately cracked Valentino’s skull open.

“Gum-Gum Bell!”

The smoke began to waver as Valentino seemingly began to waver in and out of consciousness. And still, Straw Hat wasn’t done. The rubber man took full advantage of his flexibility, twisting his torso in on itself over and over until it wrung into a tight coil. Then using both hands to grasp either side of the moth’s shoulders, he let the coil of his body unwind into a spinning blur of a top. The movement also blew away the red smoke that had remained.

Valentino was released to fly at top acceleration into the intact window beside the one the group had entered through.

High up above where Alastor stood on the street level, he could see the small form of Overlord Valentino shatter the window, shooting out of the penthouse. His velocity wasn’t halted in the slightest even with the obstacle. He arched over at least three streets before crashing through the window of another tall building that happened to be in his path.

Smiling in pleased satisfaction, Alastor gave a polite clap that was echoed by a track of applause. It was only appropriate for a delightful end to a delightful, if somewhat short, feature presentation. And to his continued delight, the encore began immediately afterwards.

Late to everything of importance as always, a flash of electricity sparking out of one of the intact security cameras took the form of a furious Vox. So indignant and charged in his rage, he skipped right to throwing his hands out to deliver a blitz of crackling blue-electric voltage right at Straw Hat.

Encased in the lightning-like strike, the boy… had absolutely no reaction of any sort. In fact, he seemed fixated not on the attack he was experiencing upon his person, but on his confusion over Vox’s head. His head tilted this time in harmless curiosity as he eyed the shape of it.

“Oh, that doesn’t work either. What’s up with your head Square-Face? It’s like a Denden Mushi screen!”

Vox stared at Straw Hat, pixelated mouth dropping open and eyes going wide. Straw Hat just stared back blankly.

“ …A– A what? Have you– do you not know what a TV is?! And what do you mean it DOESN’T WORK– ?!?!”

The half-befuddled half-enraged exclamation was interrupted by the door to the penthouse slamming open. A sneering Velvette came in hot unloading a machine gun at the intruder. Husker and Angel, who had ceased their remarkable imitations of stagnant chopped liver long enough to begin creeping their way back towards Straw Hat, stumbled to dive away.

Straw Hat took the bullets head on. Only for them to fail to pass through his skin, elastic body stretching and sticking out where each individual piece of ammo would’ve passed through his body, halting their paths. When his body retracted, the force of it snapping back sent all the bullets shooting back in the direction they’d come from.

The still shocked Vox –slow-minded imbecile as usual– cursed as he got clipped in the side by the wayward fire. Velvette was much faster in her dodging behind the doorway, moving with her instinct despite the rather outrageously unexpected outcome.

“It’s cause I’m rubber. That doesn’t work either also,” the boy belatedly answered, then turned to look at the equally shocked poor excuses he had for teammates, “Ya want me to beat ‘em up too or nah?”

Blinking back into a half-way comprehension of reality, Angel realized the question had been directed at him. He stammered, “Uh– I– I think we’re good, actually…”

Then when Straw Hat threw his arms out to wrap one around each of them, pulling the two against either side of him to make a run for their point of entrance, Angel understood how, exactly, the boy planned their retreat. “Oooh no no no no no nononono– !”

“Look alive Angel Darlin’!” Husker had the presence of mind to call out while, in Straw Hat’s hold facing back towards the room, he threw out a pair of dice. They exploded in front of Velvette, forcing the girl back and her aim with a rather large pair of scissors to go askew. Seeing that Vox was in the middle of collecting himself, electric charge beginning to spark off the TV man like static, the spider caught on and pulled out his own guns from his fluff. His bullet spray was enough to distract the Overlord, forcing him to dissolve himself into energy to further avoid getting shot.

Their efforts were enough to cover their backs in the short time it took Straw Hat to reach the window and jump out.

As they began their freefall from the top of the skyscraper, the boy laughed out in excitement while Angel screamed at the top of his lungs. Husker was shouting at Straw Hat to let him go because he has “wings dammit just let me fly instead of draggin’ me down with ya!”, but he went unheard under the deafening cacophony.

Despite the frenzy of activity, Alastor found his eyes only drawn to Hell’s newest agent of chaos. The iconic straw hat had flown off its proper place, wavering in the wind and hanging by the thin thread keeping it attached to Straw Hat’s neck and revealing thoroughly messed spiky pitch-black hair. The scarlet sky began to lighten slightly with the coming of dawn. Usually a barely noticeable change, but with the shift, something changed about Straw Hat as well. For just a quick, ephemeral moment, no more than a couple of blinks, the boy up in the sky almost seemed to shine in a shimmering ghost of an outline of light. An unearthly presence falling upon the dour darkness of the pit below him.

While his attention was captured, Alastor didn’t let himself become distracted. As they rapidly fell from above, Alastor tapped his cane against the pavement to stretch shadows out across it, forming a large circle on the ground with himself placed at the very edge. Grin wide with laughter on Straw Hat’s face, he caught sight of Alastor and his own thin smile.

Alastor gestured with his mic towards the rather shady-looking creation and called out, “Interested in a shortcut for your daring getaway, Straw Hat?”

The boy immediately beamed at him. His two passengers were not nearly as enthused by the offer. Angel flailed his limbs crying out “NONONONO!” again while Husker just visibly resigned himself to his second death. They both likely assumed that either he would let them splatter their bodies to make a mess of the street, swallow them whole with the shadows, or worse.

He almost thought of doing such just to get a good laugh out of it, but luckily for them, there was a different outcome that was even more amusing…

The timing couldn’t have been better even if Alastor had tried. The vagabond trio fell at a frightening speed down into the shadow in the exact same moment Vox zapped himself out of the front door security camera. His raging, glitching scowl fell slack into shock at the sight of Alastor, too-large red pixelated eyes going even wider.

Tilting his chin up just so slightly with a smirk to make sure the mechanical man knew he was looking down at him, Alastor wiggled his fingers in a mocking wave as his own body merged with the darkness. He just caught sight of Vox fully devolving into an error-filled rage before his presence slipped away.

“It’s been fun old pal, at least for me that is~ ”

“ALASTORRRRRR-R-R-R– !!!”

The shadows spat the trio out of the ground in the hotel’s courtyard, momentum carrying them up into the air, before gravity began to reverse its efforts and brought them back into another fall. Alastor rematerialized out of the same shadows and watched Straw Hat suck in an absurd amount of air. “Gum-Gum Balloon!”

He kept hold of the spider and cat so that he touched down onto the ground while they landed on him. They bounced from the elasticity a couple of times before finally settling. Straw Hat released his breath in one huge gust, rubber balloon body deflating in one go and releasing his captives at the same time. Angel fell onto the ground on his hands and knees, as though just to feel the pleasure of its security. Husker just fell straight onto his back to groan at the sky, arms, legs, and wings spread out wide.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ…! I literally saw my life flashin’ before my eyes for a sec there, Husky, and let me tell ya– It fuckin’ sucked!”

“Preachin’… to the choir here… It would’ve been a way to go, for sure…”

“Alastor!!!”

He was suddenly accosted at the side. His frame tensed up when arms wrapped around him in an embrace. Looking down to see Straw Hat grinning up at him and leaning his head just a tad too close such that his chin rested on the side of Alastor’s upper arm, he only blinked at the other’s noticeable shift to his full name. “You came to help! Shishishi!”

He allowed a grace period of exactly three seconds before he dematerialized himself, causing Straw Hat to abruptly fall onto the grass with a yelp, then reformed right beside the now giggling boy. “While I did indeed help in a manner of speaking, aiding you lot was not my main purpose. I had simply been admiring the fine entertainment you were providing and saw the opportunity to enhance my amusement. A heist like the one you pulled off wouldn’t be complete without leaving your pursuers in the dust after all! And as for your choice of opponent, well, I could hardly pass on a prime opportunity to heckle those self-important upstart Vees. Our interests happened to align is all.”

Straw Hat pushed himself up enough to cross his legs, large hands resting on them. The smile he sent up at Alastor didn’t wane in the slightest. “Still, you helped! So thanks! I’m glad you came!”

It was a rather strange feeling to be thanked for following whatever whims he happened to act upon. Most people he encountered, including the ones he “helped” with his deals, didn’t bother to thank him as they knew everything he did was for his own benefit. Outside of Rosie, who was a polite and delightful socialite of a cannibal, and Charlie, who always strived to act with niceness and freely gave her gratitude to everyone for even the smallest gestures.

Straw Hat meanwhile could be considered nowhere near polite company nor could he even be considered “nice”. Alastor’s impression of the boy was that he did not give gratitude freely. However, he did greatly value certain actions others would consider minor, and thus gave gratitude for those actions in kind. Or perhaps he was conflating Straw Hat’s gratitude for being fed to be of greater significance than it actually was, as he’d proven to be a largely food motivated individual…

They’d made enough of a ruckus that various residents arrived to investigate. Cherri Bomb, upon seeing her friend on the ground looking rather winded, rushed over in a yell, “Angel babe, what’s goin’ on here?! Did something happen?!”

“Did somethin’ happen? Oh Cherri, everythin’ happened! It was– it was incredible!” Cherri’s large eye blinked down at Angel in vague surprise at the wide, elated grin he directed up at her. With the adrenaline from the freefall and brush with death coming to pass, the spider could now begin to feel excitement for what had occurred.

“Ya should ‘a seen it! Like holy shit! Our cutie monkey here can fuckin’ fight! I ain’t never seen anyone handle Val the way he did! He– He broke his damn arms! He threw ‘em out his own damn window! On the top floor! Who the fuck even knows where he ended up! And the look on Val’s face when he tore up my Contract– oh, it was fuckin’ PRICELESS! Better than any damn crack or hit or high of any drug in all ‘a Hell! I’ve never felt this fuckin’ good before! It’s like I– I… I’m…”

All at once, the wind rushed out of him, leaving a vacant look about Angel’s face. He stared blankly down at the grass beneath him, one hand curling his fingers into the turf while one slowly raised to copy the gesture, feeling for something on his neck that was no longer there.

In the next blink, tears began to bud in Angel’s eyes, and he quietly sobbed out in full disbelief, “I… I’m free, Cherri, I… I’m free… We’re free…”

With an appropriately solemn expression, Cherri lowered herself to kneel next to Angel and hold one of his hands. But he was no longer looking at her. Instead, he looked for Husker with that last whisper, reaching out for the somber man when he approached to kneel next to him. Angel Dust smiled up through the tears streaming down his cheeks. In a mirror of that night not too long ago, a large, furred hand cradled his face to wipe them away.

Husker gave a small smile back, something soft, delicate, and somehow dimly bright. It was an expression Alastor had never seen on the other’s face before. “We’re free, yeah. Ya got that right… I saw yer real name on that damned ‘bullshit piece ‘a paper’. You want us to use that now instead of the stage name?”

After a bit of sniffling and using one of his extra hands to rub at his eyes, Angel answered, “ …Nah. I always thought I’d go back ta Anthony if I got the chance, ya know, but… What can I say? Angel’s grown on me. Or maybe ta be more specific, Angel Darlin’s grown me. So I hope ya was plannin’ on keepin’ that up.”

Husker immediately looked away at the other’s teasing smile, fully flustered with his fur puffing up in his blistering. Yet still somehow clearly pleased.

He found the whole affair to be rather distasteful. Having decidedly seen enough unamusing emotions for one day, Alastor promptly turned his back to head towards the hotel.

Charlie and Vaggie had arrived as well. Charlie had been about to approach to fret over the others, only for her paramour to hold her back with a serious look and a shake of the head. For once, the Princess deigned to follow Vaggie’s restraint, allowing Husker, Angel, and Cherri to commiserate together in relative privacy. But still, the both of them stood back watching over the scene in sympathy, still in reach if their presence was needed. So caught in the moment, Charlie didn’t look away as Alastor passed, and Vaggie only glanced over him briefly.

The out of place echo to his steps did not go unnoticed. As he made his way through the lobby to head into the hallway that led up to the hotel rooms, Alastor looked back to see Straw Hat wasn’t that far behind. He quicky caught up once Alastor had stopped in place, and still, he was smiling at him. Alastor returned the expression with a slighter, more neutral grin.

“Don’t wish to participate in the pity party? Well, I can’t say I blame you, but you are the MVP of the hour currently. You should be relishing in the prize of your decisive victory!”

“Nah, we’ll have fun when they’re ready. I just wanna see if you’re ready yet.”

“ …Excuse me? Ready for what, exactly?”

“Ready for me to help you too.”

Alastor stared at the boy. He stared back.

Within his grip, his fingers clawed lightly at the mic-head of his cane as they tightened their hold. The edge of his grin sharpened into something unpleasant. “A rather presumptuous thing to assume of me. Especially one of my level of strength. Feeling foolishly confident after besting an Overlord, are you?”

“I know Moth-Man wasn’t that strong, and I can tell you’re strong. But I still wanna help you!”

“Again, you are presuming– ”

“I can feel it,” Straw Hat cut him off, the weight of the words along with his stare stilled Alastor’s reflexive indignation and wit, “You’re not free, right? So let me help you.”

So plainly stated, and yet his voice carried with it a heaviness. Like it was no matter of ability nor circumstance nor even determination, but rather, that it was simply something that will be. Like the boy could, upon his own whim and consideration, will whatever he wished to be to be. For whatever reason, it brought to mind the image of how he’d seen this boy, falling from the sky with a smile so bright it almost seemed to bring upon the dawn of the day.

It's distasteful.

Alastor turned away from the other, making sure his grin remained unmoved. He carefully but firmly planted the end of his mic into the carpet by his feet. Then, he responded with his own deceptively light words, “Would you like to know what it is I hate about you the most, Straw Hat? At first, I thought the thing I hated about you was how difficult you were to control. Always doing as you please all the time; it was so taxing to attempt to manage you as I wished.”

“A lot ‘a people don’t like that about me, yeah! Aha!”

“ –But soon, I learned how to incorporate you into my expectations. In some ways, it could even provide a good amount of intrigue to otherwise mundanity,” he continued without losing a beat, thoughts a steady stream that refuse to be dammed, “No. Now, I realize, the thing I hate about you the most… is that you, by your very nature, instill hope into people. Faith. The wish for better. The wish to dream– whatever way you think of it, I dislike the prospect of your attempts to convert me to such thinking.”

Straw Hat’s face scrunched up at the explanation. Alastor hated that he knew the boy well enough by now to know that it was not in reaction to him stating he found something hateful about the other, but at what he said he hated. “Huh? What’re ya talkin’ about? It’s good to have dreams!”

“Is it truly? Is it not a painful, wretched thing, to dream for something so far out of reach? To see it within your view and attempt to claw your way up to it, to be unable to do anything but attempt to reach it for how much your heart yearns, until you find that the climb up only continues to prove vaster and vaster. Always in sight but never in hand. Until there is nothing left within your being and life but the insanity of that desire...”

Leaving his left hand to rest on his mic, he raised his other hand to gesture into the air, holding it in place as though to behold something from above. To claw at something from above.

“There is a foreign old tale of my world. It spins the story of a Buddha in paradise taking notice of a good deed done by a sinner in Hell, leaving a simple spider uncrushed in his path. Thus, they deigned to use a single thread of a spider residing in Heaven, casting it down into Hell to provide a path to climb up. The sinner reached for the thread and began his climb, going so very far up yet further still to go. Only to look down and see that more of the damned had started to climb up the thread as well. In fear that the thread will break, he yelled that the path was only meant for himself, and thus proved himself unworthy. The thread broke, condemning the sinner and all who attempted to follow back down into Hell.”

Returning both hands to his cane and shifting to send a proper look at the blank-faced Straw Hat, Alastor scoffed, “I find it to be a fallacious and pretentious story. The most inconsequential of things, a spider left unharmed, that was all the gods needed to find the whim to gift their oh-so precious salvation onto one of the damned. Only to rescind it as soon as their whims shifted the other way. No matter what the sinner did, that thread was always meant to break. It was but a mere spider’s thread. How could it be expected to carry not but one, but potentially countless of the damned into Heaven? They shouldn’t have even wanted unworthy sinners to follow him. The only logical decision was to stop them from following him. And yet, the gods looked down on him for such basic, necessary self-preservation. Because it all seems so much easier from up above where one need not climb.”

With a dramatic flair such storytelling deserved, Alastor spun his cane in his hands until the mic-head came to an abrupt stop on Straw Hat, pointing at him. The boy stared down the end of it. Alastor’s grin further sharpened, this time in cruel amusement.

“From what I can see, you are the spider’s thread. Though not one that leads to the literal ‘Heaven’. Perhaps you can take the weight of one of the damned, or perhaps even two, but eventually… someone will pull down on you too harshly. There will be too much weight to carry. And you will break.”

Turning his face away from the boy once more, Alastor folded his hands behind his back, keeping his mic tucked with them. He began to walk away, intent on ending the conversation at that, “To hand over control to someone else’s whims is but a promise for disappointment. Therefore, I will not rely on something as fickle and untrustworthy as supposed aid granted from another. Whatever I want in this world, I must find a way to attain it for myself. That is the only path I have faith in.”

He startled at the feeling of a hand grasping his shoulder. He hadn’t heard nor felt Straw Hat rush to approach, and yet when he glanced over, the boy was there. Frowning and staring at him with those big, round eyes of his that somehow seemed to just see right through him. Seeing things no one else as ever been able to see about him.

“I won’t break,” was all he said, stated with that same weighty certainty as before, “And I won't change my mind. It doesn’t matter how heavy it is, how hard it is, or who we gotta fight– Whatever you’re carrying, I’ll hold it with you. Wherever you’re climbing to, I’ll climb with you. That’s what I decided when I set out to sea as the captain of my crew.”

It felt like Alastor was consumed by that stare. In a vague sense of déjà vu, something inside him shifted. The world and halls that surrounded them faded away in his mind’s eye. All he could see was this boy who stared at him, waiting for his response.

This boy who was not actually a boy, but a man who acted as though he could carry the weight of the world upon his shoulders. And yet he didn’t, left utterly without burden, weightless and free. Like any burden handed to him would become weightless in turn just by being held within the palm of his hands. He stared at Alastor as though he saw everything that he is, every sin and burden either hidden or displayed with pride, and still, he metaphorically held out his hand to that most horrible of demons. Waiting for his gesture to be accepted.

–What a nice dream that is, indeed. To be free. Perhaps, if he just reaches out for that thread that hangs from above…–

The thought is killed before it could breathe any further.

Alastor disappeared, sinking into the shadows of the floor and falling away from the grasp of Straw Hat’s hand. He returned to the darkness from wince he came.

Chapter Text

The mood in the hotel was sickeningly joyful after Angel Dust was released from his Contract. That same day after the trio involved had some much-needed rest, Cherri Bomb insisted on Angel going out to celebrate. Angel agreed right away, and even Husker was quick to be convinced to join in. And as the demon who got the job in question done, Angel convinced Straw Hat to go with them as well, who while he had no idea as to what the clubbing experience entails was excited to try a new “fun party”. Alastor had noted though that Angel slipped some chicken nuggets away to bribe Straw Hat into staying longer once he’d realized their choice of establishment failed to provide food, a rather clever idea.

Usually Alastor wouldn’t bother watching over such tasteless mundanity, but there was one small part of him that had been curious to see Straw Hat’s reaction to such a foreign experience. It wasn’t too much of a hassle, so his shadow followed them for at least the beginning of their venture just to see the gist of things.

While initially disappointed by the lack of food and confused by the style of gyrating perversion that the modern generation attempted to pass off as “dancing”, they managed to keep Straw Hat around for a few rounds of drinks through the timely release of nuggets. While reportedly not a drinker, even the boy was excited to get to the first round, calling out for sake as his choice of drink. With a clang of cups and arms in the air, they all shared a toast.

Having downed his first small cup in one go, Straw Hat used the bottle he’d been served to pour himself more while Cherri and Angel moved on from their cocktails to ordering shots. Instead of taking another drink, however, the boy instead slid off his bar seat to approach a shady corner at the side. He held out the cup towards Alastor’s shadow, offering it to him with a smile. “If you wanna have fun you should just come over! Every good battle needs a party after, and you helped, so you get to party too!”

Without a word, Alastor’s shadow slipped away, retreating back to the hotel.

Even if he had any desire to join in on the inanity, which he did not, he most certainly could not join. Not when considering one of the attendees in question was still celebrating his freedom from the Radio Demon. But of course, Straw Hat was too much of an imbecile to think his invitation through.

–He had not run from Straw Hat. He had not. He merely tired of attempting to explain such concepts to a person who had actively chosen not to understand. There hadn’t been any point to wasting any more time–

From what he heard of events later, apparently the night out was shorter than Cherri would have liked. After some random demons flirting with Angel escalated to them attempting to drug his drink which escalated to Husker almost starting a fight which then escalated to Straw Hat moving straight to punching one of the offenders all the way through a wall, they were promptly thrown out. Angel hadn’t been put out by the outcome though, as it seemed the act reminded him of Straw Hat’s very efficient beat down of Valentino. Even moving into the next day, he was still recounting the “Moth-Man” fight to Cherri, and then to Vaggie and Charlie once they walked into the lobby and Cherri purposefully switched out with them as she’d tired of the retelling. Each iteration had become more and more exaggerated than the last. Which was saying something considering the starting material had already been absurd to the point one would assume it to be exaggeration.

“ –and then he headbutts the guy so hard, his neck snapped in half! I swear I could hear it! His head was practically fallin’ off! But he wasn’t even done yet, oh no! Cause he picked Val right up and spun ‘em ‘round before BAM! Crashin’ out the damn window he goes! I don’t even know how many damn floors that buildin’ has, by god! I hope his guts splattered wherever he landed and he takes an eternity ta reform!”

“ …Okay, and how much of all that actually happened?” evidently believing the majority of the tale to be fictitious, Vaggie crossed her arms in annoyance as she sighed, “Listen Angel, I– I’m sorry to hear the real situation you were stuck in, and I’m glad you got out of it and can have fun with what happened the other night. But it’s kinda important to know how an Overlord as powerful as Valentino was taken down and well as how you broke the Contract. Trouble’s going to follow from this from the other Vees even if Valentino doesn’t pull himself together soon, and we need to be prepared.”

“Not that it will be because of you! The trouble, that is!” Charlie was quick to stick her head in between and interject with forced cheer, “However those meanies try to retaliate isn’t your fault at all, Angel! I just wanna make that clear in case you thought that’s what Vaggie was saying, because she definitely wasn’t saying that and it would just be awful if you thought that’s how we thought– ”

“I get’cha loud ‘n’ clear Princess, calm down. And I already told ya guys! Luffers was the one ta beat up Val, and he was the one who tore up the Contract! Frankly speakin’ until it was time to cover our asses, me and Husk here were just standin’ there lookin’ pretty,” rolling his eyes at them, Angel hesitantly admitted to the last point.

Vaggie raised an eyebrow at the claim. “I find that hard to believe since what you’re describing about a magical soul-binding Contract being torn up is literally, physically impossible. Let alone all the other stuff you claim happened in the fight.”

Husker was the one to stick in his head at that, loudly snarking, “Ya think we don’t know that, woman?! I had an entire damn emotional crisis over this like a week ago! Yer way too late to the party to be the one complainin’ here! Keep up with the times!”

While Vaggie returned the cat’s scowl, Charlie cut in with a vague sort of confusion, “Oh, so that’s what you were acting weird about around that time? That was before what happened with Angel’s Contract though, right? So Luffy’s already done this before! What happened then?”

There was an awkward silence. Alastor chose then to promptly manifest himself from where his shadow had been observing by the wall leading to the corridor. After Husker glanced back at his narrowed gaze and smile, the cat uncomfortably looked away, rightly put off by any delusions of confessing to the matter.

“I believe that is rather beside the point, my dear. The real crux to be dealt with here is that our resident straw hat wearing Monkey has delightfully unique capabilities, along with being quite the brawler.” Charlie jolted slightly when he placed a hand down on her shoulder, individually curling his fingers in a way he knew to be unsettling. He released her as soon as her pretty little head swerved to look at him, though, already making his way to pass by her and stand closer to a decidedly unpleased Husker.

Alastor looked at Angel to add, “And while that flight from the Vees’ tower will most certainly take a while to heal from, I do not believe Valentino will require full re-manifestation. He crashed through another window of a nearby building rather than falling all the way to his bloody mess of a death.”

At the news, Angel’s face fell into a particularly annoyed type of disappointment. “Rats. Guess ya can’t win ‘em all…”

“Wait… So you’re saying that Luffy actually took out Valentino all on his own, Alastor?” Vaggie questioned again, tone shifting from fully doubtful into more of a disbelieving realization that matched the way her eyes widened at the thought. Charlie also looked suitable shocked.

He grinned unabashed and wide at their delightful reactions. “Why yes, that is correct! It was a most quaint showing! Poor Valentino had been embarrassingly ambushed in the dead of night only to find that his most reliable method of murder was utterly useless against Straw Hat’s most unusual biology! Why, he couldn’t even put up a proper fight with how brutally and violently that boy beat him down! And then by the time the two others arrived he’d already been involuntarily vacated from the place, and their retaliatory attacks were also completely useless! The media showboat’s especially so.”

“It’s like they just let any above average sap who manages to con their way into social power and souls become Overlords nowadays, the mark of generational decline indeed. I made sure to let everyone in the city know about the Vees’ total pathetic humiliation that same afternoon broadcast,” making a show of inspecting his claws in implied boredom, he shook his head with a sigh of mocking disappointment, “Perhaps if you lot bothered to pull yourselves together enough to find some class, you’d have a radio other than my own in which to listen to my station, and would have thus heard the news as it came out rather than be so out of the loop as to the current social gossip. If I was you, I’d be rather embarrassed by the faux pas.”

While Charlie properly glanced away in awkward sheepishness, Vaggie just narrowed her glare further. The irritation was only enhanced when Straw Hat suddenly stuck his head out of the hallway after having finished another failed attempt to find the kitchen. “Oh! I wanna listen to Alastor’s rad-o or whatever! Especially if he’s talkin’ ‘bout me! Shishishi!”

“It’s pronounced radio…” Alastor’s grin stiffened as his eyes narrowed at the other’s entrance.

When Straw Hat strolled over to the group –of course choosing to bother Alastor even further by standing beside him– Charlie took the opportunity to direct her curiosity towards the subject of the mystery in question. “Wow Luffy, I didn’t realize you were so strong! How did you get so good at fighting? Is it because of what you did when you were alive?”

“Yeah, I already told ya! I became the Pirate King! That means I had to be stronger than every other pirate that wanted to be King of the Pirates! I had to fight a ton of ‘em along with a ton of marines and stuff!” Straw Hat declared with a proud, boyish grin. He rested his hands on his waist to stick out his chest slightly.

Seeing the universal round of blank faces, Alastor decided to enhance his amusement by making fun of their total ignorance. While he would prefer not to validate Straw Hat, it is getting rather tiring to witness such extended befuddlement over something Alastor had already known about for almost an entire month. Even the best of jokes run their course over time.

“Indeed, while I could easily tell you were in fact a pirate, I had my doubts as to your claim that you had achieved such a high standing title in life. But after seeing a sample of your prowess, I do admit the idea is no longer such a far-fetched reach.” He purposefully did not glance at the beaming smile that earned him.

“ …Wait, so …You’re actually a pirate?! I– I just thought– !” Alastor could practically see the wheels spinning rapidly in the Princess’s head as she tried to find a more polite substitute to saying that she’d thought the boy to be completely delusional. The other three were also equally blinking away their bewilderment. “That– that was a game or something. You know, like, playing pirates instead of… actually being one…”

Straw Hat just stared blankly at the girl’s sheepish, stilted smile. “Well sure I played pirates a lot as a kid, but I’m not a kid anymore! I set out to sea as soon as I was seventeen and strong enough to start my adventure!”

“How’re ya a pirate when they stopped being a thing, like, centuries ago? At least for the not internet kind. Also, ain’t seventeen still kinda young? Bein’ a pirate’s supposed to be illegal right?” Angel asked with genuine curiosity, leaning back further to lounge on the lobby couch to better look at the boy. Seated beside him, Husker just raised his brows at the line of questioning but was also clearly paying attention.

“What’re ya talkin’ about? There’re tons of pirates all over the place! Seventeen’s old enough, that’s when Ace started too. And yeah, that’s why pirates get bounties and I gotta fight marines.”

Alastor deigned to clarify, knowing the conversation would go nowhere with only Straw Hat’s input, “Piracy may have declined in our modern world yes, Angel, but where Straw Hat’s from they are in the midst of a great pirate era. He is not of Earth, you see. Though I don’t actually know what the name of their world is called.”

He finally glanced over to acknowledge Straw Hat at that and, as expected, the boy was of no help at all. “Huh? It’s just the world right? There’s only one world!”

“ …He’s a fuckin’ alien???”

“I do not believe that term fits exactly, seeing as I don’t believe that world resides on the same plane as our universe. He’s still of humanity.”

“How did he end up here then?!” Vaggie was the one to demand in growing exasperation. She gestured with both hands first to Straw Hat and then to the area at large, glaring right at Alastor as though he had anything at all to do with the circumstances.

The glare simmered further when Alastor half shrugged at the ex-angel, smile unaffected and relaxed. “While I am quite the learned demon, even I have no knowledge of why the afterlife was created the way it currently exists as. Straw Hat’s case is not unique. To the contrary, his people falling into Hell is a regular occurrence, it is simply that Earth’s population of dying sinners far outnumbers them. They are present and acclimate to society down here just as the rest of us.”

Hand buried in her hair and still visually processing everything, Charlie exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell us any of this when he first started staying here– ?!”

“Heeeey daughter, future daughter-in-law, and friends! The unwanted busboy was excluded from that greeting just to be clear. Anyway, what’s the deal with all this fuss I’ve been hearing about a certain Monkey of ours throwing an Overlord out a fifty-story building? Cause if the story’s true, that’d be kinda awesome! Ha!”

Lucifer’s entrance into the lobby was as attention catching as it usually was. The man was such a narcissist it was like he was physically incapable of walking into a room without fanfare. Seeing a prime opportunity, Alastor’s grin curled into a full smirk, striking while the iron was hot.

In his most falsely apologetic tone, Alastor leaned forward onto his cane with both hands and belayed to Charlie, “Oh my dear, I had not realized you were left in the dark as to Straw Hat’s origins! You see, I had simply assumed that as the supposedly attentive father that he is, the King here would have surely informed his daughter of such relevant, esoteric knowledge! But truly, I am clearly at fault for assuming too much of the man. It has always been myself that has provided you with whatever learning you’ve required for this hotel of ours, after all. King Lucifer has simply proven himself to be sadly unfit in that regard!”

“I beg your fucking pardon– ”

“Dad!” the King cut off with a start when Charlie stood before him with a fully disappointed look to chastise, “Did you really know about Luffy?!”

“Huh? Know about what?”

“That he’s from– from not Earth?!”

Lucifer’s eyes squinted in obvious confusion as he hesitantly affirmed, “ …Yeeees?”

“Well why didn’t you tell me?! Us– that is!”

After a couple of blinks, the King averted his gaze with a nervous smile, adjusting his lapels in discomfort. In the exact manner of a man who realized his idiocy was about to lead to a woman scorned, he admitted as slowly as physically possible, “I… didn’t know… you didn’t know…?”

“How was I supposed to know?!” Charlie burst out in utter exasperation, hands flailing with conflicted energy that had nowhere else to go.

“Uh… Well… That’s a very good question, actually! I just… didn’t think about it…?”

“DAD– ”

“Listen, it’s not that big a deal Char-Char, alright? They’re mortal humans all the same!” Lucifer was practically sweating under his daughter’s fiery glare, trying to wave the whole thing off, “I mean– the only time it really comes up is when one of the tougher ones try to make trouble, and I could tell when we met him that Luffy wouldn’t be that type of trouble. If he was then it’d be a different story! Why, the last crazy-ass pirate I had to take care of… wasn’t that long ago now that I think about it, maybe almost half a year ago? Some dragon-ogre guy. He just dropped in the pit and went right to looking for me as soon as he figured out how things work around here. Absolutely obsessed with fighting the strongest guy around and conquering, let me tell ya! Demanded a fight to the death and everything! A little trip to an interdimensional pocket to make sure there was no collateral damage and a minor altercation later, I sent him to his death death just as requested. No, wait, was that soul woman before or after him… Doesn’t matter! Anyway, your old man’s got everything covered, so no need to worry! It’s not a big deal!”

Charlie opened her mouth. Closed it. Then with her eyes as wide as they could go, opened her mouth again to say, “I– That’s– not even what I’m upset about??? I’m mad because it helps me to know important things about our guests like this and you didn’t even think about that? And now you’re saying you fight pirates on a regular basis and NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME?!?!?!”

Eyes swerving everywhere as though to look for a convenient way to die, the King of Hell was outright stammering now, “I– ! It’s– ! Really not on a regular basis I promise– ”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!”

As slowly as possible as to go unnoticed, both Angel and Husker slipped away from the scene to avoid becoming collateral damage. Complete the opposite, Niffty peeked out from some crawl space in the ceiling to witness the brewing chaos. Straw Hat just watched the back and forth with the vague half-interest of someone watching just to have something to watch.

Fully satisfied with the inconvenience he’d aimed at Lucifer, Alastor had to restrain himself from laughing at the fool. He began to make his way to the hallway, having left a perfect distraction to his departure in his wake. Or at least it would have been perfect, if not for a certain ex-angel.

Vaggie’s glare was fully set on Alastor, seeing right through his purposeful sowing of discord. He supposed she must’ve been quite upset on her paramour’s behalf. That was the only reason why she would suggest in a knowing tone, “Hey Luffy… If you really wanna know what Alastor does for his radio show, you should help him with it today. I’m sure an interview with the sinner that instigated the fight that’s the talk of the city right now would be a great segment.”

Alastor felt the serrated teeth of his grin grind together almost painfully when Straw Hat instantly yelled his excited agreement to the suggestion. He made his way back to Alastor so fast, he was suddenly beside Alastor once more within a blink.

And the thing that really, truly grated on him was that she was right that it was a good idea for a segment. Not only in terms of providing interesting content, but also in terms of absolutely infuriating a certain upstart media demon. He’d throw an entire infantile tantrum over losing viewers to Alastor’s broadcast providing a high interest interview with the newbie who’s singlehandedly demolishing the Vees’ reputation. So it came down to the question of what he wanted more; to be as far as physically possible from Straw Hat, or to indulge in what was sure to be a hilarious, absurd, and entertaining opportunity to throw salt into Vox’s surely festering wounded ego?

…Well, he can’t expect to ruin anyone’s day by being a coward now, can he? He shouldn’t be conceding ground to Straw Hat regardless. He’s the one in control so long as he makes it that way. He needs simply to use the other as he pleases.

“ …I must warn you, Straw Hat. If you make any mention as to attempting to recruit me into your little crew, I will actually kill you, and the broadcast schedule will change to me violently murdering you live on air.”

“Alright! I’ll be good! Promise!” the boy brightly agreed, not put off at all by the death threat. But since when has he ever been.

And so with a too-smug Vaggie left behind to the still continuing father-daughter conflict, Alastor made his way back to his radio tower with Straw Hat right behind him.

The boy looked just as interested by his abode as he had previously. Alastor had to conjure up a second chair for Straw Hat to sit in, not so unpolite as to leave the other standing, and it allowed him a couple of seconds to question his decision of going through with this farce. But really, it’d probably be more of a hassle to convince Straw Hat otherwise than it would be to move forward with the interview, and it was with this in mind that Alastor set his microphone stand in between the two of them –slightly favoring his own side of course.

Looking as young as his boyish charm and face portrayed, Straw Hat was almost bouncing in his seat in anticipation. Alastor was fairly certain the boy was about to find himself somewhat disappointed since while Alastor would find entertainment from vexing the Vees, from Straw Hat’s end it would just be a basic question and answer, and that pleased him.

“Salutations my dear listeners, your favorite Radio Demon is on the air once more with more salacious news as to the recent embarrassing defeat of Overlord Valentino of the Vees. Best turn off your VoxTek screens and prepare yourself for some real intrigue, because I have with me today the urban myth and potential rising star Overlord himself, the sinner who threw Overlord Valentino out of his own penthouse window! Care to introduce yourself to the crowd?”

“Hi! I’m Monkey D. Luffy! And I’m the– ”

“ –The Straw Hat Demon! The man of the hour, yes! We are certainly aware of that! I’m sure the sinners at home are practically dying their second deaths waiting for more juicy details of the affair to sink their teeth into!” he interjected before Straw Hat could get into the King Pirate nonsense that would shoot down the credibility of the interview significantly, “Let’s get right into the meat of things, no use beating around the bush. The first question I’m sure people at large are wondering is what, exactly, prompted this conflict?”

“Moth-Man hurt one of my friends, so he had it comin’.” He’s still using that stupid nickname, how delightful!

“He did indeed, aha! That leads to our next point, however. Valentino has certainly, through various means, harmed many a sinner. How is it that you were able to do what seemingly no other has done throughout the demon’s rise to power and put up a fight?”

Straw Hat’s doubtful head tilt made it known how stupid he thought that question to be. He responded in perhaps the best way possible, “It’s not like it was hard. I already told ya Moth-Man wasn’t that strong.”

Through his connection to the radio waves being sent out across Pentagram City, Alastor is partially able to sense what is occurring around individual radio speakers while he’s using them. He doesn’t usually pay much attention to this portion of his ability, but both in this case and in his coverage yesterday, he tuned in to the specific frequency of Vox’s radio. The radio that the demon in question would certainly deny having if someone ever asked.

Yesterday he’d been inconsolably ranting all the while Alastor spilled the tea as to the Vees’ Tower home invasion. Today, as soon as he realized Alastor was talking about it with the perpetrator trash talking one of their members, there was a flurry of movement suggesting Vox had broken something nearby in his rage.

Alastor’s grin curled further, pleased with the response. Straw Hat’s face gained its own grin as though in response to that. “Is that so? Many would disagree with you considering the man is an Overlord. However, I am of the opinion that while becoming influential to our society is an understandable reason to be titled an ‘Overlord’, not all Overlords are created equally in terms of their raw power and strength. Based on your experience would you agree with that sentiment? Take yourself for example! The sinners of Hell are now debating on whether to consider you an Overlord or not due to your defeat of one, but because you were a literal unknown who’s yet to have any influence other than this conflict, there’s been no public consensus. At the same time, you have clearly already proven yourself stronger than Overlord Valentino. Do you have an opinion on the situation?”

“I don’t care about bein’ one of those o-lords or whatever. But about the other thing, yeah!” the agreement was spoken more as a laugh than a word, Straw Hat still beaming at him, “Even though you’re both o-lords, I can tell you’re a bunch stronger!”

It was as though he’d scripted it himself, but even better since it was a completely genuine answer– “Ahaha! Flattery will get you everywhere my dear. So please, tell me more! Based on your shorter encounters with the other two Vees, how would you rate their strength?”

“Who’re they again?” Brilliant! Simply brilliant! It sounded like Vox broke one of his own screens with that one!

“They were the two individuals who showed up much too late to do anything of importance right after you threw Moth-Man out the window.”

“Oooh them, yeah. They didn’t seem that strong either. You could beat ‘em.” Now even Velvette was shrieking up a storm. Her poor unfortunate models best keep clear of her for the day!

Alastor, admittedly, was perhaps becoming too pleased by Straw Hat’s responses. He jumped right to rubbing the salt in as obtusely as possible, “Why aren’t you a darling little Monkey~ And I mean little literally, seeing as you still easily tossed around Valentino despite only coming up to about half his height. It made for quite a sight! Just to make things crystal clear to certain listeners at home, you are saying, in your fully unbiased judgement, that I am superior to each of the Vees individually? Including the CEO of VoxTek himself, Vox?”

“Which one’s that?”

“I believe you referred to him as Square-Face.”

“Oooh the guy with the weird head, yeah. You could definitely beat him. He’s a big deal here? That’s weird!”

And with that, Alastor felt his connection to Vox’s radio shatter along with the radio itself, having been thrown down onto the floor. At the absolute victory, he allowed himself a hearty laugh. Straw Hat matched it with his own inane laughter.

“Ahahahahahahaha– Oh– ! Yes! That message was certainly delivered loud and clear! Good job! I believe however, we might be starting to alienate some of our listeners in our fun,” while Alastor transitioned to a more serious note, his posture remained anything but. He lounged with one elbow on the control panel of his station while leaning his side of his face into his hand. Looking at how Straw Hat had managed to draw up his legs to sit cross-legged in his seat, the other also seemed without tension. Not that the carefree boy often found himself tense over anything.

This time Alastor’s question was one born of his actual curiosity, though he spoke with the same grand inflection as he had with all his previous questions, “You seem awfully confident as to your assessment of these Overlords. However, you only truly fought one of them, and only somewhat at that considering he failed to put up enough of an initial struggle to gain any ground. So at the risk of invalidating all your prior delightful answers– What are you basing your opinion off of? If it’s simply due to their total incompetence when it came to handling you, I’d say that’s a fair basis to stand by!”

Straw Hat hummed to himself, seemingly taking his response more seriously and thus not just spouting off the literal first thought that came to his mind. After he messed with his wriggling tail for a minute, he stopped abruptly, sitting up straighter to decisively respond, “I could tell how much will they had when they tried attacking me. It wasn’t that strong, so they weren’t that strong. They weren’t fighting for Moth-Man, they were fighting cause they didn’t like that I was there, so their will was weaker!”

After a few seconds to properly interpret the other’s words, Alastor couldn’t help the slightly unimpressed hum he sounded, “So it’s because they weren’t fighting for their friend. How quaintly naïve. I would’ve expected you just to say that outright, though.”

“Well cause it’s more than that too! How much will you’ve got is important! It’s not just when it comes to protecting friends,” shrugging noncommittally, Straw Hat insisted, “You fight at your strongest when there’s something you’d die fighting for. Those three didn’t have that, so their will was weaker than mine.”

“ …That’s quite an extreme point of view. Though it leaves one to ruminate. A rather short broadcast, but I think it best to leave the listeners to consider the thought– Does one have something they’d die for? And does that make one strong, or perhaps… it’s simply a weakness. Some food for thought as they say. Farewell until next time, dear listeners!”

It was a rather unusual end to the segment. Alastor’s interest had already moved on with the end of the real fun of it, and in the transition, Straw Hat had managed to catch his attention as he often does. While he wished to continue the line of questioning, some things are better discussed off air.

After disconnecting his microphone from the system, Alastor turned his partially interested gaze back to Straw Hat, who just blinked back questioningly. “You know, while I was the one to threaten you as such, I’m somewhat surprised you didn’t actually embarrass me on my own radio show.”

The other’s blank look shifted back into a bright smile. “Wha? Course not! I promised, and I keep my promises!”

“ …Quite the moral paragon when you choose to be, aren’t you.” Perhaps it will be easier to control the boy if he simply manipulates him to make more promises, a thought to consider for another time. “I couldn’t help but make a certain inference from what we’ve discussed. And beyond that, I have a certain question concerning various observations I’ve made of you throughout your time here. If you’ll indulge my curiosity.”

“Okay!”

“You have absolutely no inclination as to keep any of your cards to yourself. I may be the one asking after you here, but I still must say– That will come back to bite you after telling the wrong person the wrong thing, someday.”

“But it’s fine right? Cause it’s Alastor!”’

“ …If you were to tell Husker that, I’m sure he’d have a stroke. So maybe consider the idea!” Alastor dismissed the boy’s very unwise trust in himself as another mere symptom of his chaotic inanity, moving on to his first point of curiosity, “To start with, I had a thought concerning your determination of the Vees’ strength. You’re deciding factor was that they lacked ‘will’, which you defined as one having a desire so valued, they consider it greater than the value of their own life.”

Straw Hat took a second to process Alastor’s more complicated reinterpretation of his simplicity. “Mmm… Yeah! That’s right!”

“So for you to so decisively point me to be the stronger of us four Overlords, am I right in assuming it is because you believe me to have this will to die?”

“It’s not a will to die,” Straw Hat summarily shut down the claim, looking a bit miffed at having to clarify something he personally believed to be obvious, “No one wants to die. But if I die living for my dreams, then that’s a death I wouldn’t regret! And you got all mad about it before, but you have a dream like that too! I could tell as soon as I met ya.”

Alastor allowed himself to raise a brow the statement, grin quirking just a bit lopsided. “And that quote-unquote ‘dream’ is…”

Grin growing larger and shining so very bright, Straw Hat declared, “We’ve got the same dream! We both wanna live free! It’s why I want ya to join my crew! All the others have different dreams, but even though we’re really different, we got the same one! Isn’t that funny!”

Something shifted in his mind at the thought. Alastor ignored it. He didn’t allow himself to physically react, merely moving on to counter, “I believe wishing to live freely as a prerequisite requires being alive to do said living. Dying for such a thing is rather missing the point.”

“But instead of living in a way you don’t wanna forever, you’d rather die tryin’ to live the way you want to. Right?”

Unrest turned inside him. Alastor adjusted his head in his palm such that it was holding his chin instead of his cheek, turning his head to stare straight out the window instead of at his conversation partner. He felt like he should be more angered by Straw Hat speaking of things that weren’t his business, but somehow, he just found himself sighing at the trouble.

“I suppose you wish to loop back to ‘helping me’ again, but I’m disinclined to that. How about another quandary I had? In your simplistic mind, you equated Princess Charlie as to being the ‘captain’ of this hotel, which includes being the captain of the residents such as Husker and Angel Dust– ”

“Cause she is, yeah!”

“ –Which begs the question I arrived at,” Alastor continued without missing a beat despite the interruption, “Do you consider her to be my captain?”

When Straw Hat started obnoxiously laughing at the suggestion, Alastor wondered if he should feel sympathy for poor Charlotte Morningstar. Instead he internally laughed at that prospect.

“Haha! Nah, she’s not strong enough to be your captain now. Chacha can get that strong if she wants, but she’s gotta want it!”

“Which circles back to that matter of will for you. Perhaps I may manage to divine the mysteries concerning your strange mind yet!” Alastor also mentally noted how Straw Hat, despite using ‘will’ as his determining factor, also still seemed to ascertain the hidden potential Charlie possessed as being a royal of Hell and Morningstar.

“While it’s good judgement of you to exclude me from her motely ‘crew’ so to speak… That also implies you believe yourself to be stronger than me, to insist upon instating me into your crew.”

Straw Hat’s grin stretched into something boyishly proud and confident, at that. “Cause I am! We can fight if you wanna see! But we can’t do it at the hotel. Chacha’ll be sad if I tear it down.”

The unshakable certainty with which Straw Hat spoke with could almost be considered insulting given the context. Alastor was tempted to take up the offer simply to humble the boy. However… he was also left with the distinct sensation that doing so would entrap him in some way.

He wasn’t one to rush into such matters without consideration. While Straw Hat’s claim stung his pride and made him wish to bite back in spite, he recognized that he truly did not know how strong the boy was. With the way he made quick work of Valentino, he’d been acting nowhere close to the upper limit of his power. It made the question of who would best whom into more of a guessing game. While Alastor considered himself to have strong offense as well as a multitude of powerful mystical techniques, he could tell just by the little he’d seen that Straw Hat was an excellent physical brawler. One who’d already showcased one entirely impossible skill via his breaking of Contract magics. He wouldn’t wish to enter a confrontation with the other with as many unknowns as there were at play.

“Since I’m strong, ya don’t need to be scared of leavin’ things to me. Let me fight for you.”

The insistence soured his mood in an instant. Grin tightening at the edges as his gaze narrowed into more of a glare, Alastor forced himself to look back at the boy’s innocent face. “Broken records are useless things, Monkey. And it is not fear that stills my hand, but practicality. There’s no point to such a battle when it’s a certainty you’ll lose it.”

“No it’s not! I can beat anyone I need to! Just tell me who to beat up and I’ll prove it to ya!” Straw Hat huffed almost childishly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Reaching out to take his cane into hand, his fingers sequentially tapped atop the mic-head. He shifted his weight to lean on the opposite side he’d been residing in to lean his head uncomfortably far over, holding out his free hand towards Straw Hat in a mocking gesture. “Is that so? What a big boy you are, to be able to beat anyone! How old were you when you died again? Let me guess, it was from a fight, correct? One that you lost?”

Humming to himself, the boy looked like he actually had to think about the answer. “Hmm~ I think… I’m twenty? Think my birthday already happened but I don’t remember! So nineteen or twenty! And it was a fight but I didn’t lose! I killed him first and we wiped out his crew too, so we won!”

Alastor mentally paused at the blasé delivery. Straw Hat wasn’t quite the age of a boy, but just barely twenty was certainly still young. Many die younger, of course, but the boy was young enough that in the modern age his death would’ve been considered an untimely tragedy. And yet, he stated his circumstances without much care.

“…And your death was without regret because you died living freely?”

“Yeah,” Straw Hat smiled at him with that word, as though there was anything to be smiling about. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be throwing stones in that regard.

“You were right, before… It’s hard to dream. After I set out to sea, there were a lot ‘a times it hurt. There were times when I wasn’t strong enough. I almost died a lot, too. But that’s cause things that matter the most hurt the most, so they make people the happiest, too. It’s only when ya don’t care that it doesn’t hurt, right? But then it’s not fun anymore! And you wanna still have fun, don’t ya?”

“…I believe the things you and I consider to be fun are quite different.”

“But some of ‘em are the same! Me beating Moth-Man’s ass was fun for both of us! And I liked that you were havin’ fun with your radio even though I didn’t know what you were laughin’ about, so I had fun too!” the boy ended in a slight giggle, as though watching Alastor relish in the unseen misery he orchestrated onto people had been genuinely funny.

Alastor also found himself withholding a head-tilt of curiosity as he had another realization, “You said it right, this time. Radio. I suppose you can learn.”

“Well yeah, it’s somethin’ ya care about! It’s your treasure!” Straw Hat pointed at his mic as he made the distinction, still smiling, “So I care about it too, cause I care about you.”

There’s something about the statement that catches him so very off guard. He should find it naïve if anything. And it’s not as though no one has cared about him before, though admittedly they were not exactly numerous in number. But even still…

It’s the way that Straw Hat spoke the phrase. It was with that same certainty he tended to carry. The same certainty he held when he told Alastor he wouldn’t break. The same certainty he held while breaking into an Overlord’s territory to save the soul of a friend. The same certainty with which he snatched the Contract for Husker’s soul right from Alastor and tore it into fiery sunder.

It’s that certainty which took what Alastor should have considered to be a fanciful sentiment and made it into a foundation. It seduced him into truly believing the boy’s word, that somehow for whatever inane reason, he does care about Alastor. And that just wouldn’t do–

“If you ‘care about me’, then would you DIE for me?” Alastor couldn’t keep the snarl from his voice as it distorted at the end, twisting into a cruel note.

“If ya needed me to yeah, but for this I can’t, right? If I lose the fight, you can’t be free. So I gotta live for ya instead!”

It’s with that– that insane allegation that Alastor finally snapped, grin a baring of sharpened fangs.

“You don’t even know me! You cannot just– the type of statement you are making should not be spoken on a simple wHiM! If you had any sense of awareness as to the depth of mOnStEr I am, you would know I am not deserving of such FoOlIsH, blind dedication!”

Despite all his glaring red pitted eyes, despite his baring of teeth and looming antlers and disturbing form… Straw Hat just stared back at him with those carefree eyes of his.

“That’s just what you and other people think. I decide for myself who deserves to be on my crew. It’s not a whim, it’s the truth.”

He should protest. He should rage and cackle and call the whole thing a lost cause and just swallow up the boy in one bite. But the weight of those words, the weight of his voice–

In the face of it, the fiery burn inside of him withered and died.

Without his spite or vitriol or hatred, the space inside Alastor’s chest felt hallowed. Like a void, empty and barren. Throughout his years, he’s never been offended whenever someone had claimed him to be heartless, because he found the idea amusing. That place of weakness instead filled with negatively charged emotions and the enjoyment he derived from them.

But without them… he’s not much of anything at all.

“…You’ll die for this. The one who owns me is at the same level as the King of Hell himself.”

“I won’t die. And that’s fine, I can still beat ‘em.”

“I find that dreadfully hard to believe…”

“Then don’t believe me, just let me do what I want!” Straw Hat dismissed the concern entirely before, after a couple blinks, he added on in a completely unconcerned tone, “And weren’t ya tryin’ to kill me anyway? Just make this the next game. I don’t mind cause I know I’ll win.”

Alastor stared at the boy. He stared back.

His head tilted back to burst out in laughter at the absurdity of it all.

Holding none of its usual meanness or jeering, but instead just purely laughing. As though he’d heard the funniest joke in the world.

In the back of his mind, he wondered if he’d finally fully gone insane. Then decided he’s probably been in a state of insanity for quite some time. It was simply that for all of Hell’s sinners, including horrid, wretched creatures that passed as humanity, he’d never truly met someone at his level of insane before.

And it’s hilarious–

“ –AHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA– Oh deer~ Well, who am I to stand in the way of someone playing a good game of Russian Roulette? It’s one of my favorites for a reason. Not only have I run out of arguments, you’re also much too insane to listen to any logical reasoning in the first place! My time has been wasted attempting otherwise!” Alastor stood up while he chimed pleasantly about his defeat, smoothing out the front of his suit and adjusting his bowtie. His appearance had become slightly messed in his fussing. It’s embarrassing, really, how much the boy had been able to rile him up.

Placing the end of his cane against the ground to rest both his hands on the top, he smiled at Straw Hat cheerfully. “I will enjoy spectating your funeral from the sidelines! Do you have any last words you would like me to impart onto any of the hotel residents?”

Unsurprisingly, Straw Hat beamed at him despite the morbid tone. Rushing to stand from his seat and throwing his hands up into the air, he exclaimed with full excitement, “So you’re lettin’ me fight?! HELL YEAH! AWESOME! I don’t need to tell ya anythin’, cause I’m not gonna die!”

“I will simply tell them you spent your last moments enjoying the delusion of your grandeur, then. I suppose you wish to pick your fight now?”

“YEAH!”

“Ah, yes. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, as they say. How silly of me to even pose the question when your eagerness is so apparent!”

With a twirling spin of his mic, an outline of eerie green light drew itself in the air. When the circle was complete, the inside filled with the same sickly glow. An utterly suspicious-looking portal that could take anyone to any sort of terror-inducing destination. One that no one with any sort of brains or sanity would regard with anything less than upmost caution.

Which was why Straw Hat straight up walked right through it, without waiting for Alastor to even give an explanation or waiting for Alastor himself to go first.

That’s right– he need not take this boy seriously. There was no need to put any sort of emotional stake into this. He needs simply to accept the new featured presentation for what it is; basic entertainment for him to find more amusement in! There was no risk in the endeavor. It’s not like he cares for whether Straw Hat lives or dies. He will likely need to deal with his master’s ire, but that would’ve been something to contend with regardless. Might as well get a show out of it!

–And if the show happens to take an unexpected turn… Should the thread he’s taken hold of remain unbroken…–

He kills the thought before it goes any further. But as has proven since he’d been mistaken as a deer and shot in the head in the midst of hiding a body an entire lifetime ago, things that die have the tendency to come back, one way or another.

And so it is with his mind leaning more towards mania than sanity that Alastor takes his own step through the portal. He need not mentally prepare himself to stand before the Queen of Hell if his mind was already too compromised to care.

Chapter Text

It was a dark, deary sort of place. Cut off from even the light of Hell’s blood-red sky. Instead, liminal space that served as a sky hung above in a cold monotonous gray. Pocket dimensions such as these were not meant to be real places, and thus, there was no color or sense of definition to the area. Merely shades of gray all stacked atop each other, seemingly reaching far out to a horizon that resembled more a framed painting on a wall than the meeting of sky and ground. An infinity which felt more limiting than anything else. The only features to proverbially bring the space any sort of life were, ironically, spikes of blackened sharp husks that may have once been trees at some point. But even those were scattered about, few and far between.

Alastor had wondered once what it said about that woman for her to have created such a “garden”. If it was a mere reflection of her despair regarding her fall from grace, or if this was in fact how the famed Garden of Eden had looked in her eyes. But at the time he’d had the thought, he’d dismissed it as quickly as it’d come. Such pondering mattered little to him in the context of things. He’d preferred not to think of her at all.

He had felt when the owner of his soul had returned to the realm of Hell. She had descended on an unsuspecting day not to long after the Extermination. Though she had yet to call upon him. Alastor had assumed she’d been lying in wait, letting plots brew before enacting them when the time was right. He had been decidedly avoiding their reunion, perfectly fine with waiting until he could no longer ignore the woman’s presence, but he supposed it was better to get undesirable executions over with before the guillotine hanging above fell without warning.

Straw Hat was already in a staring match with the regal form of the Queen of Hell when Alastor stepped in after him. He didn’t look at her with anything more than the usual sort of blank curiosity he often possessed, and she looked over him with a similar if much colder inquisitive glance. She was not surprised at his arrival, not that Alastor would expect her to be. She had likely been watching over Hell and specifically the hotel all this time.

Her gaze didn’t stray from Straw Hat, even when she only addressed Alastor, “Radio Demon… so you ended up falling in line with the boy after all. I will admit I find that to be a rather interesting decision, but I suppose even now, much of the way your mind works remains unknown to me.”

“I had simply tired of having to constantly reject him, Your Majesty” he gave a casually stated explanation as he moved into a low bow, disappearing his mic in the same movement so as to not be impeded by it. It left him feeling uncomfortably vulnerable, but he also knew having it on his person wouldn’t help when it came to her. Thus, it was better to store it away to keep it safe. “I knew it’d be no trouble at all for you to deal with him, so I believed this to be the most convenient way to deal with the annoyance! I do apologize for acting so forwardly.”

After only a slight pause, the imposing feminine voice intoned, “And I believe we both know that I do not act in your convenience. You test me, Alastor.”

He tensed at the mention, but despite already knowing what was coming, he still found himself disoriented when chains of gold light dragged him down. His collar manifested to force him to kneel on the ground before her. He was unable to even lift his head to look upon his tormentor.

“Your buzzing voice is already enough of an irritation without the false pleasantries it so easily spews. I tire of it.”

Alastor kept himself from flinching when the stitching around his lips manifested in his own veridian power, only to flash into gold. The seams pulled themselves together to seal his mouth shut tight, forcing it into a stiff, thin line of a stretched grin.

He thinks that, out of all the ways this woman binds him, somehow this was always the worst. It felt like a poisonous invasion, to pervert the smile he purposefully used to maintain his poise and subvert all sense of control he had over it.

It’s the most pointed of insults, to cage him from even using his voice. He was the Radio Demon, the vainest sort of radio host in both life and death– His voice and his eloquence were the personal characteristics he took pride in the most. Even more so than the pride he held for the power he gained in death, the aspect that most would assume to hold such a position. Joking insults of how he “loved the sound of himself speaking”, while still exaggeration, were rather on the nose. And she withholds it from him at the slightest misplaced statement. Finds it an irritation to hear him speak.

And yet, he can do nothing but feel the bite of bitterness coil in his chest. The vitriol that vies to come forth can only choke and die in his throat. He didn’t try to fight against its hold, knowing it would only sharpen the deep ache the thread tore into his flesh and skin.

There is no one in this world that he has come to hate more than this person. Indeed, constrained to this subjugation, he is reminded of why he so often feels like he is at the end of his rope. Trying to free himself of this cursed existence–

With his gaze forced downward, it was easy to see when a hand shot into his line of vision to grasp at the end of the chain connected to the ground. In one great heave, it broke the ending links, leaving the rest to dangle from his neck. Before Alastor can even find the awareness to raise his head, two hands clasp the sides of his face to guide it back up and to the side.

“Alastor! Wha– How do I get it off?! Does it hurt?!” Straw Hat’s face is cast in almost frantic worry. Kneeling down beside him, his gaze flitted about Alastor’s face as though he’d find some hidden mechanism to undo the power laced through the seams sewn into his skin. The attention was an inescapable spotlight set on his person, momentarily blinding his vision to all else.

Despite himself… Alastor felt ashamed. Ashamed for the boy to witness him in this state. He couldn’t keep himself from averting his own gaze. Couldn’t keep his ears from pressing back. Couldn’t stop the way the back of his hand unconsciously raised to press against his mouth, a useless attempt to hide.

He would’ve felt similarly for anyone to see him this way, humiliated to such a degree, but in concerns to Monkey D. Luffy specifically… He would hesitate to admit to it, but the boy had come to earn his respect throughout their acquaintanceship. Respect not just for the boy’s power both known and unknown, but also for the ideals and way of life he committed himself to. It is because Alastor so highly regarded Straw Hat’s boundless free spirit that he envied it so venomously in turn. It was a harsh reminder to what he himself lacked, and the fact that he very much is lacking has been put on full display.

Alastor belatedly realized that with Straw Hat’s full attention on him, the boy had turned away from the woman –absolute imbecile to the very end, this one– but she didn’t strike an advantage. Rather, she simply watched from afar, before calling out, “You would do well not to trust that demon. Why does one of your nature covet him so? Do you not find the evil of this devil to be something worth condemning– ”

“SHUT UP! I’m not listenin’ to somethin’ so stupid!”

When Straw Hat turned to look back at her, the look on his face…

Alastor has never seen the other carry such an expression before. Scowl mean and dark, pulling at his face as he bared his teeth and his pupils constricted. Alastor could practically feel the rage coming off the other in rays of heat. Before Straw Hat moved to take a stand, however, he glanced back at Alastor once more to frown at his state.

Straw Hat lifted his hand to remove his referenced hat, only for him to push it forward into the lower half of Alastor’s face. His own hands reflexively grasped the hat along its sides. Sharp claws held onto the straw somewhat awkwardly. Straw Hat then immediately stood up, turning his back to Alastor and to walk forward towards the Queen.

It was only then that Alastor realized the hat had been granted to him for the express purpose of allowing him to hide his mouth.

“Take care of my hat for me, will ya? It’s my treasure. You should move outta the way too. This fight’s gonna be a big one.”

…What a foolish boy.

The hat within his claws felt deceptively light, it hardly weighed anything at all. Alastor’s jaw clenched as he stood up while holding it in place to cover his shame. He walked backwards a good ways away, knowing that however the show ended up, it wasn’t one he would want to be caught in the middle of.

The Queen met Straw Hat’s glare head on, stare merely becoming firmer at having been brushed off. She began her declarations again with more insistence, “Lucifer might not have realized it yet, but I’ve watched you closely enough to have an idea as to what you are, though not exactly who. You have no need to retain a demon of the Radio Demon’s ilk. Are you truly so careless as to mess in matters you have no need to on just a whim?”

“It’s not a whim! It’s what I decided! And I already said I’m not listenin’ to ya! Everything you say is dumb!” fists clenched painfully tight at his sides, Straw Hat’s yell was a borderline growl, “What ya said about Al’s voice is dumb! It’s my favorite thing about him! It sounds nice even when he’s sayin’ mean things! And even when it does that weird thing, it’s super cool! I won’t let ya take it from him!”

Alastor’s mouth wavered against the firm pull of its restraints. His hands clenched, fingers trembling for just a split moment before he forced them still.

Tension ran like a livewire through the tips of his claws all the way up his arms and down his spine and through the tips of his ears. His frame was carefully frozen in place, preventing him from flinching when his tormentor sighed in enduring irritation.

“Even your defense of him is strung about with inanity… Very well, I can see this will not end with negotiations. And as I have already seen your power against Contracts, I will not so carelessly show it to you as the two Overlords you’ve bested did. I propose a deal. Though I suppose it is more of a wager.”

He cares not whether Straw Hat lives or dies– he did have that thought. But he’s perfectly aware that, for people like the boy and himself, there are fates worse than death.

Straw Hat sneered as the Queen stepped forward, her hand already raised forward and bathed in a golden glow. The golden sheen of her irises and black diamond necklace resting against her collar bone glimmered with it. Long blond hair swayed behind her as her horns grew into prominence, curling thick atop her head by the time she was directly before the boy, forcing him to tilt his head up to keep eye contact with the much taller woman.

She offered, “We shall have your fight. When I win, I shall attain your soul. If you should defeat me, you shall attain the Radio Demon Alastor’s soul. Will you agree to these terms?”

He shouldn’t agree. Straw Hat had already made it known that his freedom was the treasure he valued more than any other. There is nothing of more value to him. Even if he kept with his delusions of somehow winning against the Queen of Hell, he should not find it worth the risk–

The boy didn’t hesitate in the slightest before slapping his own hand against the woman’s. The handshake was completed in a blinding flash of gold and white.

For the first time since they’d walked into this place, a wide grin stretched across Straw Hat’s face. Much meaner than usual. “Yer not gettin’ my soul, cause I’m gonna beat the shit outta ya– !”

The Queen’s eyes flashed wide for a blink of a second when Straw Hat used his hold on the slim hand in his grasp to jerk her forward. She brought her other hand up just in time to catch the punch that had been aimed at her face. Both arms trembled under the force of the other, before she managed to push the boy back.

As Straw Hat’s feet righted themselves, she stepped back to summon a tall divine scythe into her possession. The long blade gleamed with the white-gold sheen all angelic weapons featured. Her chilling scowl reflected on its surface.

“You’re not taking me seriously enough if you thought that would work. Not a very sporting beginning to our bout, either.”

Still, the boy grinned at the woman, expression just becoming wilder. “Don’t ya know? Pirates don’t fight fair! And I knew, yeah! I’m just too pissed to hold back! I’m glad I can go all out against ya!”

Straw Hat punched his right fist into the palm of his other hand, and the sound of it resounded loudly through the empty space around them. Then seemingly resounded again, and again, until there was a steady thumping in the air like a heartbeat gone too fast. A deep drumline rushing into a crescendo that beat in tune with the feeling in one’s chest, calling them to action.

The scythe’s blade blurred through where Straw Hat had been standing, but the boy had already jumped high into the sky above. He’d jumped of the ground in a bounding leap, the surface bouncing with him like a trampoline rather than the solid surface Alastor had stood over shortly. Alastor’s gaze widened as the other’s form changed before his eyes.

Tan skin shone with an outline radiance of alabaster. Pitch black spikes of hair and ears floated without weight and curled into a cloud like mass, with even the black monkey’s tail dissolving into amorphous white. It curled around Straw Hat’s front, crossing over his bleached-out clothes before curling back around to hover above the back of his shoulders like a hovering shawl. His eyebrows had paled to white too, curling at the inner ends to match the swirls in his hair. And when the boy opened his eyes, the once dark irises now gleamed with gold, forming a ring around his still stark black pupil for an intense stare.

Seeing his form enveloped by such divine light and power, the truth could not be ignored. This man is a God.

A divine being held within the casing of a mortal shell, until this moment. His grin took up a good half of his face, and even more so when he opened his maw to laugh manically–

“GEAR 5^th! HEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA– ! Are ya gonna get big? That’s great! I wanna get big too! This is gonna be so much fun! I haven’t fought like this since before I DIED! HyeHAHAHA– ”

Just as he’d said, the Queen’s form was shifting as well, growing out wings along with growing her size in full. And additionally, just as the God had also mentioned, his own form grew as well. It grew and grew and grew until he was like a giant floating in the sky. He shined so brightly it hurt to look at him, just like looking into the sun on the surface world. His grin alone seemed bright enough to light up the dark of any night.

And yet, Alastor could not look away. The straw hat remained a solid presence within his hands.

“HEY HEY– Horn-Lady! Wanna know why you’re gonna lose?!”

“I suppose you’ll tell me regardless,” snarking at the God’s mania, the woman grew her own size to rival his, taking flight with damned wings.

Her scythe had grown larger with her, and then began to grow in number. Flashes of gold spotted stars in the gray sky, blades circled end on end around her. When some of them shot at Straw Hat, he spun about almost comically, twisting this way and that to avoid the ammo. One nicked the edge of his arm, and the blood beaded out as shining gold.

Straw Hat didn’t react to near hit, still grinning and laughing in a way that sung with madness. The enlarged fist in front of him bled into alabaster rather than the obsidian coloring Alastor had seen it feature previously. His declaration was bursting with almost out of place joy, “HeHAHA– Ya see, I can’t actually do that much! I can’t use swords or read a map! Or cook or lie! Or fix wounds or remember history! Or fix or steer the ship! Or sing or swim!”

“It sounds like you can’t do much of anything.”

“YEAH! EXACTLY! AHAHAHAHA!!! And I still don’t know anythin’ about this place! Or those mystery papers, or how to use magic, or even what a radio is! But that’s okay, cause those are all things my crew helps me with! And one thing I can do, I’m reeeally good at– ”

When the woman’s main scythe swung in a blur at Straw Hat, he ducked under the blade while shooting up his hand to grab at the staff of the weapon. In bent under his hold, not in a creasing of metal, in a curving, soft arc. After he pulled it back like the rubber of his arm, she had to rush to dodge, teeth bared in a sneer as the bladed end retracted back to her.

She managed to avoid the blade, but not the white blur of a punch shot out at the exact location she’d dodged. The God had thrown it a split second before she’d even moved one way or the other. The hit to the face sent her flying back. The dull gray of the ground blew apart in a shatter when the titan crash landed.

Summoning his mic once more, Alastor quickly encircled himself in the thin coating of black-green power to act as a shield. Merely standing back from the battlefield would not be enough to protect himself. When the Queen of Hell rose back to her feet, her visage was truly that of a demonic entity, eyes eerie pits of a blood red void swirled with gold.

Like everything else, the God just grinned down upon her. A monstrous kick fell from the sky like an axe, or a guillotine.

“ –I can FIGHT! I’m free to fight how I wanna! It’s the thing I’m best at, cause I’m the captain! So when people mess my friends– when people fuck with my crew– my job is to FUCK! THEM! UP!!! HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

…It seems he’s officially spent too much time in the pit if that’s the line he went with. It was a good line, though. Alastor rather enjoyed the variety of it.

It looked as though the war of the worlds had laid waste to the landscape.

The previous monotony of flat monochrome had been dredged through like a riverbed, random debris and parts torn asunder from the false earth. Whatever dead tree had stood in the way was broken into splinters, snapped like twigs and tossed across the area wherever the pieces happened to fall. And now, color was splattered about in streaks. The white sheen of angelic blades, either intact and sticking out of the ground or shattered into scattered pieces. And that of split blood, both gold and scarlet, dying patches of the gray to make for a most unusual abstract art piece.

Compared to the boring, plain state that had previously characterized the garden of gray, Alastor much preferred this image of collateral chaos.

Scarred into the ground was an elongated crater where, at the end of the ditch, blond hair was spread across the gray in a mess, fanning around the form of the Queen of Hell. Her form had shrunken back to its normal size and was singed in various patches by the God’s fire, blood streaking down her face. Her arms and legs were also spread wide and stuck into their own cracking indents, streaked with scarlet and bent in unusual ways. Well, arm as in singular, seeing as the right arm had been torn clean off. It lied in a pool its own of blood a good distance away.

Even though Alastor stared at the sight, he still found the image of it incomprehensible. It was only the feeling of straw against his palm and lap that grounded him to the fact that this was reality, and not some fantastical figment of a dream.

He’s done it…

This boy… This King… This God … He’s actually…

There was a pant of a half chuckle, the God was still trying to laugh even through his huffing exhaustion. While he certainly looked better than his opponent, he had also reverted to his original size and was rather liberally leaking gold. Especially from the new wounds on his chest that had been slashed over his previously existing scar by apt double swings of a scythe.

He slowly approached with a slight stagger to his steps, standing over the fallen woman to grin down at her. “Heh… I win…! So where’s the paper…?”

From her place on the ground, she just glared at him, though weakly.

“You… are mistaken. You may destroy this body all you want… and I shall persist…! There was no stipulation for how long this conflict may linger… A battle can continue into war! I need only return, once I am able…”

Alastor knew what she was referring to– He knew, and yet he could not speak of it. Even as his mouth trembled with the effort, the sting of his seams harshly clawing their protest into his flesh, Radio Demon’s voice was still sealed away from him.

But somehow… the God knew, too. Closing his eyes with a considering hum, their stark visage popped open once more as he declared, “Oh… That’s where ya are!”

A hand stretched down to clasp the black diamond that hung around the Queen’s neck. Snapping it off, the God held it before himself, before clenching his large fist to crush it.

Power burst forth, exploding like a miniature supernova of ominous black, red, and gold that screeched through the air. But it was quickly overcome in a flash of white. The light covered and consumed the darkness, shrinking down into the pinpoint of a star.

Then, it vanished entirely, light blinking out of existence. Taking along with it the soul of Eve, the Mother of Humanity.

In a gasping start, Queen Lilith came back into her body. However, Alastor was much more focused on the red-tinted Contract that materialized above the woman, inked in pristine, glittering gold. Without the God even having to tear it, the paper lit into white flames on its own. Burning down to the very last bit.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Just as the woman who had created it.

From around his own neck, the collar and its chain burst apart, dissipating into specks of light before they withered and died out. The gold stitching covering his mouth dissipated as well.

As the ache of his strained face dimmed, he lifted the hat in his hand, and Alastor allowed his expression to fall.

He couldn’t remember when he’d last let himself be without his smile… But from behind the cover the straw hat provided, he allowed himself the freedom of the momentary relief.

Things had not come to an end yet, however.

In the air beside Monkey D. Luffy, a new Contract of white wrote itself into existence. Though rather than holding a divine glow, it looked… remarkably like a regular piece of paper. When it finished unfurling, rather than the restricting weight of new bonds, Alastor felt something slip around the ring finger of his right hand. As well as the surprising sensation of all his current Contracts possessing others’ souls breaking at his end. A book of Contracts manifested into existence, only to combust in a bonfire of white.

How inconvenient. For such a thing happen, he supposed one under this God’s banner is prohibited from enslaving another. Usually he’d be more concerned about such a loss of power, but considering the context of the situation, it was decidedly not that important of a detail. And on the other end of things, Alastor did feel that he had access to the depth of power that had been cut off from him with Eve’s Contract. Win some lose some, as they say. Between the two, he did prefer to keep hold of his own personal power.

Though he will miss tormenting and lording over the unfortunate souls that found themselves to be his prey…

Holding up his hand, it was now adorned with a ring. One that showcased a cartoonish looking design of skull and crossbones with a familiar straw hat atop it. No chain or collar, no manacles or leash. He was boundless, merely brandishing an oath of commitment– It was the least restrictive Soul Contract Alastor had ever seen to the point he wasn’t quite sure it should count as one.

“I suppose I should just be thankful it didn’t manifest on the left hand instead…” he had to work out some distorted croaks in his voice, after it’d been forcefully contained for so long.

“Al…!”

Blinking his focus back up, he realized the God was back in his mortal form. And looked quite the worse for it. The Contract dematerialized back to the ether as he began to stumble his way over, one eye half closed and mouth pulled down into a weary uneasiness.

Seeing the other’s attention, Alastor worked fast to pull himself back together, taking control of himself. At some point he’d fallen to his knees and hadn’t bothered to get up, so he quickly stood and brushed his pants off with his free hand. His ears twitched out of their rather embarrassing wary position to point upright. He kept the hat hovering over his mouth while green stitches sewed themselves back into the upper corners of his lips. When their light dimmed with seemingly nothing left behind, his smile was set back to its previous pristine condition.

Alastor lowered the straw hat with a bit of a flourishing gesture, stepping forward to meet the slowed boy halfway. When he outright stumbled into Alastor, partially falling onto him, Alastor used his right hand to steady him while he allowed the hat to hang from its string by the crook of his other arm, that hand holding his cane. There’d be no point in handing it back when it was clear Luffy was about to fall unconscious.

He blinked down at Luffy when he squinted up at Alastor’s smile, inspecting it with blurry eyes to ask, “Ya alright…? Chopper’s not here but we can… find ya a doctor or somethin’.”

“I’m fairly certain you are the one in need of a doctor, dear captain. I’m quite unharmed,” pushing the boy back by the shoulder slightly to get some space, Alastor drawled in a somewhat cheerful tone, “Unfortunately you’re stuck with me instead. I have a good sense for stitching human flesh, so you need not worry about perishing at least, but it will likely not be as clean or without pain as the process would be with an actual medical professional. I’m not exactly known for my healing capabilities.”

Despite the somewhat ominous warning, Luffy immediately beamed at him. Or at least as well as he could at the moment. “Alastor called me captain! So you’re joining right?!”

“I do believe I’m obligated to, at this point. Considering you are in possession of my soul and wish for me to join.”

At that, the other’s face dimmed into his usual blank-looking vague confusion. “Huh…? What’cha talkin’ about…? When did that happen?”

Raising a slight brow of amusement, Alastor explained the obvious, “Your deal with that woman was to attain my soul, not to free it.”

“…HUH?! That’s not what I wanted!” The boy almost tipped himself over trying to turn his head about, but Alastor kept a firm grip, keeping him from jostling himself too much. “My bad! Where’s that… paper thing– I’ll get rid of it for ya!”

“You have to be the one to summon the Contract.”

“Oh …How do I do that?”

…It’s a good thing he’d already resigned himself to this outcome. Keeping his smile pleasant, Alastor just waved the matter off with a somewhat flippant hand gesture, “I am unsure as to how to teach another the basics of dealmaking arts, as usually that is learned individually in the process of becoming a dealmaker. Instead of, as you have just now, skipping every other step that most would have been required to learn to get to this stage. But you need not fret over it, my dear. This is essentially the same end result as you were wishing for in terms of recruiting me. I suggest keeping the deal in place regardless. It will be helpful for you to actually be able to govern over me. I’m afraid I can be quite the loose cannon otherwise and you are supposed to be the captain here, as you so love to mention!”

“No! It’s totally different! I want ya as my Nakama, I don’t want yer soul!” as he partly anticipated, Luffy rejected the clear line of logic to pout his insistence otherwise. His weakening eyes squinted at Alastor again in rather miffed befuddlement, “Why’re ya even okay with this?! You’re not mad? Don’t ya wanna be free?”

“Freedom is a relative term, dear captain. Frankly speaking, our Contract does not seem to be in anyway normal. Otherwise it would not have manifested as such…” He brought up his hand in demonstration, showcasing the newly acquired sigil.

Luffy flipped moods almost instantly. Grinned at the sight, he shot out his own hand towards Alastor. “My jolly roger! And we match!”

Alastor redirected his gaze to see that, indeed, there was a matching crossbones ring on the boy’s hand. He blinked at it once before stating, “Oh yes… this Contract is not normal at all! This is not supposed to be an obligation that goes both ways, you see.”

“Why wouldn’t it? You’re my Nakama, and I’m yours! We’re each other’s!”

Luffy’s view was as simplistic as always. However… Alastor supposed not all matters need have complex explanations.

For a moment, Luffy stared at him with a very focused look. Before Alastor could question if the boy’s vision was failing him, he suddenly brightened with an apparent realization. “Oooh I get it! Alastor’s embarrassed he wants to join! That’s silly of ya! Aha!”

The end of Alastor’s grin finally pulled taunt at that claim, his gaze narrowing. Before he could attempt to defend himself, however, Luffy just bulldozed onward, “If ya wanna keep it for now that’s fine, then… We’ll just… get rid of it when ya… don’t need it anymore…”

And with that, whatever adrenaline had been keeping the boy functioning ran out. Luffy fully fell against Alastor as his face went slack and his eyes closed.

Gazing down at the face currently making a mess of his shirt and coat, the very picture of innocent and at peace, one could almost forget this boy was a God who’d just fought off an ancient entity in possession of power beyond a mortal’s wildest dreams.

“…Really now, entrusting such vulnerability to a demon like myself might just be the very definition of unwise. Do you not realize the most likely method for us normal sinners to break a deal is through the death of the dealmaker? …No, I suppose this is nothing more than useless rambling, isn’t it? Even if you did know, you wouldn’t care. Not in the slightest.”

Testing out the Contract, Alastor waved his hand in a gesture that was able to unmanifest both his own ring as well as Luffy’s –and thank goodness for that, he couldn’t imagine having to be stuck with constantly wearing such a gaudy thing! Leaning the boy further onto one side, Alastor raised his mic with his left hand to draw the same green energy portal that they’d used to arrive. He then set the mic to float in the air beside him.

Reaching down, he lifted Luffy up into his arms to carry the boy rather than ungracefully drag him around, one hand supporting his back while the other held the back of the knees. With the straw hat still hanging from his arm and his mic traveling behind him on its own, Alastor stepped through the portal to end up back at his tower.

While he had a couch he usually summoned to his studio when the whim suited him, Alastor was hesitant to ruin it via the staining of heavenly blood. Not due to the morbidity of such a thing –depending on the piece in question, bloodstains can greatly enhance a furniture’s design in his opinion– but because it wouldn’t suit the color of his couch. So instead, he deigned to ruin the couch Lucifer had chosen for the lobby living space. When he summoned it through the shadows, however, there happened to be three people sitting on the thing at the time. And so the couch rose up from the shaded ground of his tower along with King Lucifer, Husker, and Charlie, sitting on the couch in that order. They all looked very disturbed by the sudden change in environment.

“Hey! We were in the middle of a family counseling– Woah! What’d you do to the guy?!” Lucifer cut off his own shrill complaint to instead gawk at the very bloody body Alastor was still holding. His look was similarly matched by both Charlie and Husker, but with the latter two looking more worried than simply shocked.

“Luffy!”

“What’d ya do to the kid?!”

“I didn’t do anything. I summoned the couch because I have use for it. So I suggest you all move,” even though he phrased it as a request, he was already in the middle of tossing the three to the side and out of their seats with a strong bat of a large shadowy tendril. With the space vacated, Alastor was able to lay Luffy down across the cushions. Blood smeared liberally over their surface, similar to how his own coat and shirt had become soiled with gold.

He then handed the boy’s straw hat to a smaller tendril for it to place on top of the control panel, out of the way from all the blood. Before he could get to the real work, though, Husker made himself into an annoyance by coming up to Alastor’s side to demand, “If it wasn’t you, then what happened to ‘em?!”

After averting his gaze to look back at the two royals staring from behind the cat for a split second, Alastor looked back down at Husker with a feigned pleasant smile. He ignored the loud slam of Vaggie barging her way through the trapdoor to chime, “While I’d love to get into specifics, I’m running on something a schedule at the moment. So to make a very long story short– The good captain here challenged Eve, who’s been possessing the Queen of Hell, for the right to my soul. He bested her in single combat and destroyed Eve’s soul, freeing Queen Lilith of said possession. While he looks quite the fright, she does indeed look the worse between them, and if you wish to prevent her death, I suggest you attend to your dramatic family reunion posthaste!”

Alastor emphasized the suggestion by pointing at the still present portal with the mic-head of his cane. Charlie looked to be either going into shock or attempting to progress through all five stages of grief within a single minute. He didn’t particularly care which currently. But luckily, the King seemed quick to pull himself out of his reflex of shock, calling out his wife’s name before dashing into the portal. The sight of her father departing, along with a shake of the shoulder by her girlfriend, was enough to get Charlie to frantically make her own way through the portal with Vaggie following right behind her.

With the majority of the distractions gone, Alastor was finally able to conjure up a veridian thread and needle. After patting the boy down with conjured antiseptic and cleaning off some of the blood, he started on the largest wound, the one that was overlayed atop the mark on the boy’s chest. A new X-shaped scar to match.

As the needle delicately pulled itself through rubbery skin and shimmering gold gore to begin stitching one end of the cut closed, Alastor vaguely found himself wondering if the X had been left by the wound that had killed the boy, or if it’d been from a scar he’d earned himself previously in life. If Luffy often ended up in a similar sort of condition after going all out in battle, he could easily envision the boy collecting such scars with ease. Alastor perched himself atop the arm rest Luffy’s head was closest to, watching over the remote operation with the diligence needed for such precise work.

“ …He …I knew he was strong with how he took out Valentino ‘n’ all, but the kid really took out the Queen of Hell too?! Or the Mother of Humanity?! Whoever!”

Even when Husker stumbled to stand beside Alastor and Luffy’s upper torso, Alastor didn’t let his eyes stray from the needle’s movements. “He did indeed.”

“But HOW?!?!”

“He’s a God, Husker. A God who’s free to do as he wishes, apparently.”

“ …What.”

While Alastor still didn’t deign the cat a glance, he could easily imagine the mystified shock of the other’s face from his tone alone, the word having been uttered more as a hiss than a mark of confusion. With the end of his cane firmly planted against the floor, Alastor’s fingers tapped sequentially on the top of his mic.

He explained with as little inflection as he could manage, “The one who lies before you, this nuisance of an idiotic Monkey demon, is in fact the mortal form of a divine being. His blood should be enough proof of that. Though I am unsure how much the captain himself is aware of, he certainly knows how to fight with said divinity.”

“ …Like he’s– not an angel, but he’s not God God, right?” Husker quietly questioned in an attempt to piece together the absurdity into something resembling logic.

“Oh Heavens, I should hope not! No, he is not the Abrahamic God. Based on what inferences are available to me, I am assuming he is of some type of Pagan divinity,” after a brief moment of consideration, Alastor added on his musing, “My top guess is that he is a divine being either meant to represent or act in service of the human concept of freedom. It would explain his personal obsession with the ideal as well as why he would innately possess the ability to break deals concerning soul possession. When my soul transferred to his ownership, my Contracts of that type were automatically voided. A most unusual occurrence.”

“Wait… HE’S got your soul now?!”

“I did say he’d fought for the right to it, did I not?”

“But that’s– Luffy hates that kinda thing!”

“He was not the one to set the terms and he did not catch that detail. Nor does he have the knowledge required to know how to summon his own Soul Contract.”

“Doesn’t know how ta– Ya gotta be jokin’!” Only then did Alastor allow himself to slip in a quick judging side-eye at the other. Husker’s face scrunched at the look. “ …‘K, ya aren’t jokin’. Right… There’s really nothin’ either of ya can do ‘bout it though?!”

With a dramatized sigh, Alastor plainly replied, “I don’t consider that question worth answering.”

“ …Nah, that’s it, isn’t it? You can do somethin’, but you’re choosin’ not to.”

Alastor’s grin pulled tighter, jaw stiffening and claws tensing while Husker continued in a serious tone, “Fine– bein’ a God and beatin’ Lilith and/or Eve? For some godforsaken reason– fuckin’ Hell I’m never gonna be able to curse that normally for somethin’ ‘bout the kid now– anyway, I can believe somethin’ weirdly impossible like that from him. But there’s no fuckin’ way I’d believe this guy thought ahead enough to order ya to fix ‘em up, or even just to not kill ‘em! For some fucked up reason he trusts ya too much to think he’d need it! And here ya are! With fuckin’ proper bedside manner ‘n’ everythin’– !”

Husker was interrupted when the door to the studio slammed open once more. This time, little Niffty was the one to scurry up onto the floorboards. Her face halfway to distraught.

She rushed over to Alastor to take hold of one of his lower legs, shaking it as she cried, “ALASTORRRRR– Our Contract! It’s– It’s GONE! WHY?!?!”

Leaning down slightly to pat her little head in consolation, Alastor playfully cooed, “Oh my dear Niffty~ You needn’t worry! There’s been a mere organizational change is all! We need simply to establish another deal, this time with the agreement for you to be under my employment in exchange for standard pay and the occasional gift of bugs for you to impale and tear apart as you please. Does that sound acceptable to you?”

After some more sniffles to subside her sobbing, Niffty responded with a wobble, “I– I like impaling bugs, yeah… Okay!”

With the green flash of a quick handshake, the wrong was righted. Though without the feeling of her soul within his hold. Alastor swiftly turned back to watching his needlework even as he requested, “Could you be a dear and collect some towels to take care of this mess later, Niffty? While I love the color of divine blood split, it is rather unhygienic to drip it all over the place like this.”

“Okay sir! Can I lick some of it up when I clean it, too?! Hehehe~ ”

“If you promise to be good and leave me to finish up with the captain here, yes.”

“WOW! I promise, I promise! I’m so excited ehEHEHEHEH!”

With that, the girl scurried back from wince she came. If he had to guess, Alastor would imagine Husker was watching her leave with the usual disturbed look he got whenever Niffty’s uniquely twisted mind made itself known.

“ …Hmm. She does bring up a good idea, though.” Seeing the last suture had just finished stitching in, when his needle and thread pulled itself out, Alastor dipped his hand down to collect a small sample of lingering blood along the edge of his claw. He stuck it in his mouth to get a good taste.

“Mm– Oh! It doesn’t taste of plastic, how delightful! It tastes more delectable than common angel blood too! Very divine indeed, aha!”

“ …Fuckin’ seriously?!”

As his magics got to work on the other more minor injuries scattered across Luffy’s body, Alastor was able to focus his attention on Husker properly. The man was currently giving him a very judging glare of exasperated outrage. He waved at the other dismissively, smile back to pleasantries. “Oh come now Husker– The good captain won’t mind! That was hardly even a sampling.”

“He SHOULD!!!” Husker threw his hands in the air, wings going wide with the motion as he rolled his eyes. “And the name’s Husk! Ya don’t get to call me by your dumbass nickname now that you don’t own me anymore. I should be the one laughin’ at you now! Ya know that, right?! Warmed up real quick to the kid, didn’t ya?! Who’s the pet here now! Hope yer enjoyin’ it ya– ”

Husker was ungracefully cut off when a palm lightly slapped into his face. Not outright slapping him, but just awkwardly holding itself over the lower region of his face. Their gazes both trailed down the arm down to the boy it was attached to. Luffy’s eyes weren’t even open as he mumbled, “Don’t… call ‘em that… ’s my crew…”

Tensing at the admonishment, Husker removed the hand with a grimace, huffing, “Fine, kid. But I was just givin’ as good as he– and he’s already out cold again… Did he really wake up just for that?!”

After staring down at the slumbering boy for a few more seconds, Alastor let out a cackle of a giggle, “Ahahaha~ Yes, he did indeed! If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s to always expect the unexpected with this one! I dare say there will never be a boring moment with him around! At least that’s one thing I can look forward to.” Reaching down again, this time Alastor’s hand brushed aside black bangs out of the way from the boy’s sleeping eyes.

Rather than a snark of a response, there was a beat of silence. The lack of reaction drew his eyes back to Husk –the other was right about him having lost his privilege over him, though he wouldn’t let the cat know he agreed with the sentiment. He was staring at Alastor with a vague sort of surprise, like he was still processing the sight of him. Leaning back upright while returning his hand to the mic-head of his cane, Alastor tilted his head slightly, questioning, “Did I perhaps get some blood on my face? I’d say to take a picture, but we both know that wouldn’t last.”

“…It’s nothin’. Just…” Husk averted his gaze in his awkward hesitation, staring half-lidded off to the side in pensive consideration. “ …Ya always got that stupid grin on yer face, but I’ve never seen it look like that before. It was… It looked closer to how the kid smiles, actually.”

“…To respond to your previous line of implicit questioning, the way the captain freed me from my Contract was somewhat different than either you or even Angel Dust, Husker. He struck a wager, agreeing to put up his own soul as collateral. Didn’t even think otherwise about it. And then he won.” He felt Husk’s abrupt shift, looking back at him in alarm at the mention of such a familiar gamble. However, Alastor was no longer looking at him. Instead, his half-lidded gaze had returned to resting on the peaceful face God laid out below him.

“If a God were to fall down from the Heavens, forsaking its beauty to stand before the worst and most wretched of the damned to enact for them a miracle… To choose one who should be far from their reach as well as all that they treasure… Is it not human nature to gain faith in the divine when evidence of their grace is impossible to deny? Entire institutions of religion have been built on much less than what I’ve witnessed today.”

“ …Didn’t take ya as the religious type,” Husk’s tone was as stunned as it was wary.

“I’m not. Never have been, in fact. Whoever heard of a devil devoting themselves to a God? It’d be quite an insane notion. I’m simply speaking in metaphors… For the most part. I do tend towards insanity after all,” shifting his stare back to Husk’s uncertain expression, he transitioned to a different thought, and Alastor’s grin curled just a tad sharper, “And as for your comparisons, there is one thing of consideration that you are unaware of…”

Husk gained somewhat of a grimace, anticipating that he wouldn’t like where Alastor was heading. “And what’s that?”

Despite his lead in, he left the other in suspense for a bit. His work on the boy had finished. A tendril moved to take up the straw hat, sinking back into the floor with it in its grip. Alastor himself moved to stand and slip his arms under Luffy, lifting him into another carry and mentally noting he’d have to clean off the boy a bit more before he’d be fit for a bed, along with cleaning himself up of course. Husk’s eyes followed him, raising to meet his own eyes once Alastor turned back towards him with his still pleased, sharp grin.

“You see, when this boy is in his divine form, when he had been in the midst of battle against a pinnacle of both Heaven and Hell… In truth, his smile looked quite a bit like mine rather than the other way around.”

Eyes flashing wide, Husk paled slightly as he considered that idea. Perhaps even imagining the sight of it as much as he was able to. Alastor grinned wider at the other while sinking down into the darkness.

He reemerged in the hotel room Luffy had taken residence in, though the boy didn’t seem to use it much outside of sleeping. After a bit of magical cleanup and a changing of clothes, he carefully slipped the bandaged body under the covers so as to not undo his efforts. He turned around promptly after. But when he moved to take a step forward, he was halted by a slight tug on the back of his coat.

Alastor glanced back at Luffy, who still didn’t completely rise from unconsciousness, just mumbling, “Don’t wanna be… alone…”

“ …Needy little thing, aren’t you,” while he sighed in complaint, he flicked his mic to change out his own suit into a fresh one sans blood. Then flicked it again to summon a cushioned armchair as far from the bed as it could fit and an old-fashioned radio atop Luffy’s bedside table in the space beside where the straw hat had been placed.

It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to be at the moment. He could listen to his tunes here just as well as he could in his quarters…

Alastor reclined into the rather cozy seat and summoned an ottoman to rest his feet on, crossing his ankles and leaning his mic against the side of the chair. Settling in, he set the radio to play some soft jazz at a quiet volume. And while it hadn’t been his initial intention, he found himself softly humming along with the song, closing his eyes as he allowed himself to relax. A single, deep sigh, the tension strung throughout his whole body bled out.

It’d been a long day for him as well, after all…

Chapter Text

The regenerative healing process took a shorter amount of time for the afterlife than wounds in proper life do, especially for those of divine nature. However, wounds inflicted by angelic weaponry had a harder time healing than most. Luffy spent a good day resting, his unconscious spell lasting from the time of the battle through the night and all of the next day after.

Alastor didn’t spend the entire time at his bedside. He had nowhere near enough patience for that. So he left at various times whenever it suited him, though still making sure to avoid the rest of the hotel’s populous to avoid any annoying badgering of questions. He would still circle back to the boy’s room to check on him and waste some time. Attending to the wounded didn’t suit his style, but since he was already in the midst of playing doctor for this farce, he might as well commit to the bit and make sure his patient wasn’t ruining his efforts. Alastor didn’t keep a regular sleeping schedule, being too much a creature of the night to be tempted into the indulgence every night, and thus he retained his vigilance throughout this period of the captain’s weakness.

It was during one of the times Alastor had been loitering in the other’s room that Luffy properly woke up. He’d been lounging in his armchair reading with a background set to jazz when the boy shuffled into sitting up, only to immediately hiss and be forced to lie back down. Alastor sighed as he set his book aside to glance at the pouting manchild. “I would rather you not open the wound I graciously closed up for you, thank you very much.”

The pout turned into a beaming grin in an instant at the sight of him. Alastor stood up to approach the bedside before the boy could do something stupid like fall out of the bed to come over to him instead. When he was within reach, Luffy somehow managed to pull himself onto his side enough to wrap his arms around Alastor’s waist a good number of times. The boy giggled up at him even as Alastor tensed under the contact. “Shishishi– Alastor took care of me! Thanks!”

“…Indeed, you’re very welcome. Though I do believe I was a bit obligated to do so, I did think things would be rather dull without your shining presence to grace us, foolish idiocy and all. Why, it would’ve been such a shame to lose it only just after I’d learned how to weaponize it against other people!”

“Really? Haha! I’m glad Alastor likes me now, cause I like Al too! I can’t wait ‘til the rest of the crew meet ya!”

The Radio Demon was not convinced that the boy’s crewmates would be nearly as enthused to learn how their captain had recruited a serial killer cannibal Overlord, but he knew the point would be ignored if he stated as such. Instead, he permitted Luffy the attention he was clearly seeking, shortly patting the head of black hair as he plainly replied, “I do believe you are putting words in my mouth now, but it’s not as though you listen to what I have to say regardless.”

Smile somehow growing even brighter, Luffy closed his eyes and laughed up at him, “Hahaha! Yeah I do! I already said I like listenin’ to Al!”

“Listening to one speak is not the same as comprehending the words, my dear… I suppose I still appreciate the sentiment, however. And I do have to admit to a certain amount of fondness.”

Luffy was ecstatic with the admission, energy winding tight inside, but Alastor made the boy stay in bed for the rest of that day, judging it to be too soon to trust him to move around. However, he easily convinced the boy with the promise of food, of which he was absolutely ravenous for. Alastor, estimating that he’d likely need no less than enough food to feed fifteen people, decided to take the opportunity to brush up on some of his lesser used recipes.

Jambalaya and roasted venison were of course featured, but he also made various other dishes he had learned from his mother in life. Some good old-fashioned gumbo, crawfish, po-boys, beignets for dessert; homestyle New Orleans cuisine just couldn’t be beat in his eyes. Alastor was unsure if Luffy’s world had any equivalent to it but figured a gut like his would gladly consume anything of sufficient standard, and it’d be a favor to introduce the boy to the new taste if that was the case.

Predictably, Luffy downed what was practically a feast all in one extended sitting. He was very appreciative of every dish, always unnecessarily calling out how good it was. Despite himself, Alastor found that the excessive praise pleased him even when he hadn’t made the food with such a thing in mind. It was to the point that he didn’t mind how much of a mess Luffy had made of his bed, having to switch out the covers with the flick of his mic for a clean set. It was only when the boy clapped at the gesture with the same dumb look as a kid at a lowbrow magic show that Alastor became irritated with the other. Along with the last annoying backhanded compliment the boy had managed to slip in at the end…

“Woah Al, your food’s so yummy! It’s almost as good as Sanji’s!”

“ …Almost as good. I see,” Alastor’s grin pulled sharp as the words curled out of his mouth in a testy drawl, “I am assuming this Sanji is a rather remarkable chef, then…?”

Stretching out his arms wide in emphasis, without recognizing the demon’s irritation, Luffy happily declared, “Yeah! He’s the best in the world! He knows how to cook everything! Just tell him what ya like and he’ll make it for ya!”

“And if I were to make a request for human meat? You do know it’s one of my favorites~ ”

“ …I don’t think he knows that one.” Alastor’s smile curled mean at having forced the usually unflappable boy into a pause, even when it didn’t last for long. A win is a win in his book, no matter how short-lived.

It was the day after that when Luffy pressed on leaving the room and going about, decidedly bored. Looking at the state of his chest, Alastor judged that while it should be okay to be out of bed, he didn’t want the boy wandering around too much. Rather than deal with the boy’s whining he suggested the compromise of letting Luffy loiter in the lobby rather than just his room so as to interact with the others.

And so with his elated agreement, that was how Alastor found himself seated in the new lobby couch beside Luffy. A couch which was much more stylish than the previous gaudy thing Lucifer had somehow deigned to be an acceptable design. Alastor had half a mind to thank Luffy for getting his blood all over the atrocity right in front of the King’s face just so the tiny man knew how much he loved having the opportunity to replace it.

While Luffy settled himself on the cushions cross-legged, he unnecessarily leaned against Alastor’s side seemingly just out of an unconscious need for contact. The boy quickly gained the attention of Husk and Angel Dust, who Husk covertly texted to come down when he caught sight of Luffy entering the shared living space, and Cherri Bomb, who followed in after Angel. While Cherri stood back to observe the boy with a curious one-eyed stare, the other two stood in front of the couch to fret over Luffy. Alastor prepared himself for what would either be an extremely boring conversation or an extremely amusing one, depending on how the spider and cat prompted Luffy.

“Luffers! Good ta see ya up finally! We heard ‘bout what happened from Husk here– are ya seriously a damn GOD?! Like, the literal holy shit?! And ya beat up Charlie’s mom?!?!”

Pouting in confusion, Luffy rebuked, “Why do people keep sayin’ that? It’s like I told the Angel-Lady, I’m no god, I’m the Pirate King! …Horn-Lady’s Chacha’s mama?”

“Well yeah. She’s the Queen of Hell and married to King Lucifer, and Charlie’s his daughter and the Princess of Hell, meaning Charlie’s her daughter too,” Husk was the one to lay out the obvious explanation, before sending a narrow-eyed glance at Alastor and asking in suspicion, “Did that guy not tell ya that’s who you were fightin’?”

Luffy carelessly shrugged, so close next to Alastor that he could feel the brush of movement on his arm from it. “Didn’t ask. Guess he said they were as strong as Lucy though. It didn’t matter since I was gonna fight ‘em no matter what.”

“Lucy? You’re a damn riot, ya know that Monkey?” Cherri laughed out the nickname while covering her mouth, trying to keep the dam from overflowing at the ridiculousness of reducing the infamous King of Hell Lucifer to Lucy.

Alastor also appreciated the artistry of the unintentional insult, though he asked in curiosity, “At what point, exactly, did the King go from Hat-Guy to Lucy?”

“He made good pancakes, so I remember his name now! Kinda!” He should’ve known. Alastor made a mental reminder to make better pancakes for Luffy the next morning, just to ensure the captain knew his superiority in that field compared to the King. And beignets were better than pancakes anyway, so he’d be making those too to prove that point as well…

Raising a brow, Husk grumbled, “And I’m still Cat-Guy…?”

To both Alastor’s and Husk’s surprise, Luffy shook his head to cheerfully correct, “Nah, you’re Husk!”

“Well thank god for that… Shit. No, that’s… Whatever!” Husk quickly moved on from his awkward stammering at the unintentional reference to the boy’s godhood to question, “Not that I’m complainin’ but when did that happen? It seems ya gotta certain threshold for this stuff.”

Luffy seemed like he had to think back for a second. Alastor tensed when the other’s head tilted far enough to the point it was leaning against his shoulder, the brim of the straw hat uncomfortably sticking into him. By the time Alastor pushed at the boy with a single finger to force him upright once more, Luffy answered without reference to his actions, “Started remembering after Moth-Man and Angel!”

“Aw yeah look who made the list! Knew I’m too pretty ‘a face ta stay Arms forever!” Angel preened at the upgrade, one of his hands running through his hair as though his looks had absolutely anything at all to do with Luffy’s attention span. He excitedly pointed another two hands at his cyclops friend to ask, “And she’s– ?”

“Eye-Lady!”

While Angel’s expression fell into miffed disappointment, Cherri herself just laughed it off, “Hah– Guess haven’t gotten into enough ‘a yer trouble yet then, but another fight’ll come up eventually! Ya make things excitin’, Monkey, so try to have your trouble when I’m around next time alright?”

“Don’t encourage him! He’s already picked a fight with Hell royalty! I don’t even wanna know how he’s gonna escalate from this! Like fuckin’ Hell, he’s barely been here a MONTH! Think about that! How’re we supposed to survive an entire afterlife with this guy here!” Husk shot back, ignoring Angel’s rather devilish giggle.

“Oh– I won’t stay here forever. I’m a pirate still, so I’m gonna adventure around!”

At that causally stated proclamation, Luffy drew back the attention of all four of the sinners surrounding him. Seeing that, apparently, this would be his problem to deal with from now on, Alastor carefully posed the question, “And… what is your plan for that, exactly?”

Luffy looked towards him with a very proud, boastful grin, seemingly proud of the fact that he had a plan at all to be sharing. Alastor supposed it mustn’t be a common occurrence for the carelessly free-spirited boy, indeed. “We gotta find the rest ‘a the crew! Then, we gotta get a ship!”

“And the fact that there is no body of water in which to travel by ship means…?”

“Franky’ll figure it out!” Alastor spared a moment of relief that that wasn’t his problem and then mentally laughed at this Franky’s future misfortune within the same stream of thought.

“Then, we adventure ‘round this– whatever it’s called!”

“Ring, they’re referred to as Rings of Hell.”

“Yeah, that! And then after this one, we do the rest!”

“…Sinners are not able to leave the Pride Ring, which is where we currently reside.”

Predictably, Luffy just snickered, leaning into Alastor further to wrap an arm around his shoulders in a rather conspiring manner, “So what? That just means it’ll be an even better adventure! Pirates always go where they’re not supposed to! We’ll just figure it out and do it anyway! Being free means we go wherever we wanna, so we’re gonna do it!”

The plan is a rather impossible one… But that is the God’s specialty, he supposed. So Alastor found himself returning the Luffy’s grin with one laced in mischievous amusement at the thought of the future chaos that was sure to be had, allowing his frame to lean just a bit further into the hold such that one of his knees knocked into the other’s. Though his tone was still entirely sarcastic, “Right, how silly of me to question the dear captain! Of course you shall do whatever it is your heart desires, regardless of any practicality or logic! I await what is sure to be an entertaining turn of events.”

“Shishishi!”

The motion of Angel shifting his weight from one leg to another drew Alastor’s attention back to the others before them. He found that the three were all thoroughly examining him as well as the arm Luffy still had around him. Clearing his throat a bit, Angel was also the one to shoot the metaphorical elephant in the room, “So… Yer really joinin’ Luffer’s crew, Smiles? …Guess that nickname’s no good when the both ‘a ya are ‘round, huh. Since ya both ‘re smiley fuckers. In like, weirdly different ways.”

Alastor flashed a brow raise at the question. “I am rather obligated, so yes. With all the interesting happenings that tend to originate from the captain here, the idea of it no longer bothers me as much as it had initially.”

“Alastor’s my Nakama now! No one can take ‘em from me!” Luffy wrapped his other arm around Alastor’s front now, as though there was a danger of Angel spiriting him away from the boy. Alastor glanced down at the sight of Luffy pressing his pouting face into the side of his arm. He had yet to decide if he should be putting up a fuss about it or not.

“You’ve gotten clingier since the transition, have you not?”

“Ya didn’t want me close so I didn’t bother ya, but now that we’re Nakama it’s fine! Shishi~ ”

Alastor had to take a second to think over the implication. “ …That was you showing restraint before? I shudder at the thought. You’re truly going to cling to me like an actual tiny adolescent primate until you have another of your crew to take my place, aren’t you? As though I haven’t provided enough for you already by effectively acting as your cook, nanny, and doctor all at the same time.”

Out of all the ways he could’ve responded, Luffy, without an ounce of shame, excitedly requested, “Oh! You should sing too! Since Brook’s not here and Al can sing and has a nice voice. You can make nice music play even though ya don’t have any instruments too, it’s cool! Chacha only let me shake the mora-ca thingies.”

The last statement was in reference to sometime within the first week or two of Luffy’s residency at the hotel, where Charlie had attempted to have the boy join in one of her musical numbers. Within ten seconds of Luffy’s attempt to sing, she promptly requested for him to switch to ‘playing the maracas’ instead so as to spare the rest of them from the horrid wailing. Alastor himself on the other hand prefers auditorial performance and enjoys a good song –he especially enjoys stealing other people’s songs, on top of that.

That does not mean, however, that he will sing for the boy like a canary upon his request. Carefully prying off the additional arm crossing over his front while guiding Luffy’s face away from his immediate person, Alastor deadpanned, “I don’t think I shall, no. Not when it doesn’t suit me.”

“Okay, I’ll wait ‘til ya wanna sing then!”

“ …That is not what that answer means.”

“Yah it is! Haha!”

“Wow… You should really ask for some overtime pay for this when his crew gets here, Al,” Cherri suggested with obvious amusement.

Angel nodded, mockingly sympathetic, “She’s right. That’s what, four separate jobs yer doin’ for ‘em now? It’s the pirate’s life for ya now, but that doesn’t mean ya shouldn’t take advantage ‘a the opportunity for an honest wage.”

“How’s that song go… Hell’s forever whether you like it or not, that’s it yeah. Good luck dealin’ with this kid forever. I think yer gonna need it.” Husk looked much too smug for Alastor’s liking. That wouldn’t do. What did he have on hand to amend the situation…

Turning his smile back to Luffy, Alastor lied straight to his face, “Husker’s upset because he confided in me the previous day about now much he wishes people would pet his ears more.”

“Really?!”

“You lyin’ piece ‘a shit– !” Husk was cut off by the jostling of Luffy’s stretched out hand vigorously rubbing the top of his head. He batted it away with a growl, “ –Cut it out or I swear to god– ! Wait– fuckin’ Hell not again– ”

The sound of the front door banging open interrupted them. When Alastor looked over to find that a stone-faced King Lucifer was approaching, he quickly moved to bat Luffy’s arm off his shoulder and straighten his posture, adjusting his mic to be placed directly in front of himself. A second look accounted for Charlie and Vaggie, both trailing more hesitantly by the door. Charlie held a furrowed brow of solemn concern with the hand of her love resting firmly on her shoulder. Internally, Alastor felt a twinge of relief that the Queen was nowhere to be seen behind them, though he’d never admit to having been wary it.

Sensing his unpleasant mood, all three of the hotel residents backed away to the sides a couple of steps, tracking the powerful monarch with cautious eyes. Lucifer stood directly in front of Luffy and looked down at him with that unreadable face. Luffy just looked back in blank curiosity.

“Straw Hat Luffy… That’s what they called you in life, right? At least from what I’ve been able to tell.”

“Yeah?”

“Good, good… You see, this is a bit of an awkward conversation I need to have with you,” Lucifer’s eyes strayed down to the apple of his cane, expression pulling into a more recognizable pensive frown.

“Firstly, what I really need to say is… Thank you, for helping Lilith. I won’t get into the details cause it’s kinda complicated but, she ended up with this deal with Eve, and even though I knew about it I wasn’t strong enough to void it, and so I’ve just been… Here, in Hell, being useless and depressed and doing nothing… Well, I’ll spare you from having to listen to stuff you probably don’t care about, TMI right?! Aha! …Anyway– ” the King forced himself to continue before he could further embarrass himself, finally looking back at Luffy properly.

“Just… you were able to help my family when I wasn’t able to. I know that’s not what you went there to do, but you did, so… Thank you, truly. I’m in your debt. And if there’s one thing you should know about demons, it’s that they take their debts seriously. So don’t hesitate if there’s something you want to ask of me.”

Almost in an instinctual movement, Alastor immediately slapped his hand over Luffy’s stupidly grinning mouth just as it opened. He used the grip to twist Luffy’s head towards him, forcing the boy to look at him and the still pleasant smile on his face.

“No, I am not going to let you speak. Because I know like one knows of the morning sunrise that if I let you, you will ask for the first stupidly unnecessary favor that pops into that monkey brain of yours. So if you actually value anything I have to say at all, this is what will happen; When I let go, the first thing you’ll do is promise me that you will discuss any potential favors from the King with me prior to asking for them. Are we clear, dear captain?” despite his fairly insulting word choice, Alastor’s tone remained politely amicable. He wasn’t upset with Luffy so much as he was trying to avoid the boy’s impending disastrous idiocy, and he was simply gleefully taking advantage of the fact that no matter how cruelly blunt he was, Luffy wouldn’t care.

“I’m sorry, but I thought he was supposed to be the captain? Why is the busboy the one giving orders here?” Lucifer’s mocking drawl was accompanied by a heavily judgmental side-eye. Alastor ignored the useless King’s jeering.

Luffy vigorously nodded his agreement, not looking put out by Alastor’s coercing or demands in the slightest. When he let go of the boy’s mouth, it was still grinning at him. “Alright, I promise!”

“Figures…” the King rolled his eyes at the interaction before setting his sights back on Luffy. This time, his stare was back to that unreadable look he’d had about him when he walked in. The look of it set Alastor internally on edge. “You’re free to use that debt however you wish, regardless of what the deer says mind you. I cannot overstate that I am extremely grateful for what you’ve done. But that being said…”

It was then that King Lucifer’s eyes narrowed as he intoned with a completely straight face, “You beat the shit out of my wife. And no matter the context for that, as a dutiful loving husband, I am now obligated to beat the shit out of you– ”

“Dad– ”

“I’m serious Charlie, I cannot let this go!” Lucifer didn’t even deign to glance back to look at his daughter’s wincing face, fully focused on glaring down at the blank expression Luffy sent back up at him. “She hasn’t even woke up yet! And her arm! You tore her damn arm off! You’re lucky Belphegor was able to put it back on! And you also broke the rest of her limbs?! How did that even count as an angelic wound when you were just using your bare hands?! Actually, it doesn’t matter! Cause as you can see, there’s nothing to be done about this other than me paying you back in that way too– ”

“I believe that’s quite enough of that,” Alastor interjected in a timely manner. He stood up to regain his height advantage over the King, purposefully looking down at him with his chin slightly jutted into the air for effect. He also neatly slid in between where Lucifer was standing in front of Luffy’s seated position on the couch to force the man back a couple of steps. When Angel and Husk moved to flank him, apparently attempting to provide an unneeded show of support in defense of Luffy, Alastor just mentally noted the efforts and promptly ignored them.

Alastor tapped the mic-head of his cane against Lucifer’s chest, and the man batted it away with an enraged look, horns beginning to grow out in his anger. The Radio Demon smiled down at the King with purposefully feigned politeness, “Are you truly complaining that the good captain didn’t go easy on the Queen of Hell herself? Or rather, the Mother of Humanity using Queen Lilith’s form. Regardless, of course he had to fight to his fullest efforts. It would’ve meant death or the loss of his soul otherwise. And he likely would not have been able to go straight for Eve’s tool of possession even if he’d known of it, since it was only after he’d exhausted her body that its defenses were reduced. It was only because he beat the shit out of your wife as you so eloquently put it that he was able to save her. To force him into a position where he has to use the favor you oh-so graciously granted him in order to avoid you accosting him is quite the ungrateful gesture for a person who’d supposedly been thanking him no less than a minute prior!”

“That– That’s not what this is about! He can use the favor for anything that’s not this, so he still gets to keep it!”

“ …Are you purposely acting like a fool right now? I detect exactly zero logical thought behind this line of thinking, and I know a thing or two about illogical thinking.”

“I’m being serious! You just don’t get it because it’s not like the scary big fish in the small pond of sinners Radio Demon has anyone that he loves!” Lucifer spit out the word in a harsh jeer, mocking Alastor for the supposed failure of not being inclined to such a thing, “I love Lilith, so I’m going to fight for her when she’s hurt! That’s the most basic duty anyone has for the people they love!”

Alastor let himself spit back, tone caustic and full of venom, “And yet, as you said before, you’ve done nothing up until this point! Aren’t you just trying to find a way to take out your frustrations over the fact the captain here accomplished what you utterly failed to achieve? The sin of Pride is quite the predictable one, is it not.”

Lucifer flinched back at that, looking fully pained. Before he visually steeled himself back up even tighter than before, even more angry, “No. That’s not what this is about! I know I– I wasn’t enough, alright, and that’s why it’s even more important that I fight for her now that I can! Why are you even butting in about this?! I thought defending people was above you.”

“On the contrary, if you waited a bit longer, I’d love to see the good captain show you exactly where you stand in comparison to him. However, I spent a not insignificant amount of effort sewing that chest back together. I’m not going to idlily stand by and let someone rip it open again! Especially not the likes of you. This is truly our King? A pathetic failure of a father and husband? It’s laughable! Perhaps you should consider handing your title over to the Pirate King here, as he’s already proven to be better at the job than you!”

Scowl lifting into a derisive grin, Lucifer huffed a facsimile of a laugh, “Ha! Isn’t that just rich coming from you. Come to think of it, I’ve been wondering something ever since Lilith explained some stuff before she passed out– ” This time he pointed the apple of his cane into Alastor’s chest, and Alastor was the one to bat it to the side with his own mic.

“You hated me as soon as I walked into this hotel, right? Before I thought it was just cause you couldn’t stand to know there was someone more powerful than you taking charge, but that can’t all there is to it. Don’t you also hate me because someone in the image of my wife enslaved you? You’ve probably secretly hated Charlie this whole time too and have just been getting along with her to earn her trust, planning to use and control her in some way to worm yourself out of your deal! I was starting to think maybe I should be more sympathetic towards you, you know, but no matter what you’re just determined to make everyone else’s lives just as miserable as your own! Even now you’re miserable, aren’t you?! Nothing in your life to find joy in! No one in your life to love! All this power you so covet, but you can’t even use it to keep yourself from being passed around like some creepy voodoo ragdoll! Gone from the slave of the Mother of Humanity to the rabid guard dog of a God, oh how the mighty Radio Demon has fallen– ”

Lucifer suddenly stumbled back, struck by a hard punch to the face. Alastor jolted slightly as he turned to follow the retracting fist back to Luffy.

When the boy with his thunderous expression stood up to stumble forward after the King, Alastor quickly took hold of his shoulder to prevent him from moving further. Feeling his ears twitch back upright, he didn’t have more than a split moment to be annoyed at how they’d folded back on their own.

“I’m not about to let you rip open your chest either. Sit back down– ”

“No!” Luffy didn’t even let him finish before he yelled out, “I won’t let him talk about ya like that! You’re my Nakama, not some dog or doll! Why do people keep sayin’ that kinda stuff?!”

Alastor’s grin pulled just a bit tighter as he tried to find the best way to sugarcoat it for the boy, “It is simply the nature of such bonds down here in Hell. To own another’s soul is to own them entirely. Comparing such a status to being a pet is not unwarranted. I even held such a view myself over those I’d contracted.”

“Yeah, well, that’s stupid! It’s just a piece ‘a paper! No one can own anyone else! Not for real! Even if they own their body or their soul– No one can take anyone else’s will from them, they can’t take their dreams! That’s what really makes someone who they are! If they don’t get that then they’re just dumb!”

The declaration caught him so off-guard that Alastor’s hold ended up loosening, allowing Luffy to easily pull away from it. He stood before Alastor now in between him and the King, who was pulling a hand away from his quickly purpling eye to regard the boy with an astonished sort of shock. Charlie had rushed to stand behind him, holding him by the shoulders and also staring at Luffy with wide eyes.

With a firm hand, Luffy pushed a spread palm right against Lucifer’s chest to force him to back away further. The captain leaned forward with a glare to say, “I don’t care if you’re some king! And I don’t care what you say to me! You can hit me for hurting the Horn-Lady! You can laugh at me! You can kick me outta this place! I don’t care about any ‘a that stuff! What I care about is you hurting my friend! Alastor’s my Nakama! He’s my crew! I don’t own him but he’s mine and I’m his, so don’t say that I do! I’ll die beating the crap outta ya before I let ya say anything to hurt him like that in front of me! Cause I’m his captain and that’s my duty!”

…What is it with this boy and his propensity for proclaiming his unwavering defense of Alastor in the face of Hell royalty while also punching said faces? At this point, Alastor really wasn’t sure if he should find the trait endearing, flattering, or a downright irritation. Luffy hasn’t even finished healing from his fight with Eve as the Queen and here he was, starting another with the King himself. Husk had been right to fret over how the boy would escalate his outrageous behavior.

On the other side of the conversation, the King was completely flabbergasted. Is it truly so unbelievable someone would speak up for him to such a degree? Even in silence, Lucifer continues to insult him.

In the end, it wasn’t King Lucifer who reacted first, but his daughter. Charlie smoothly moved to pull her father back and place herself in front of him, leaving her back to Luffy while she looked down at Lucifer. From his point of view Alastor wasn’t privy to her expression, but based on the way Lucifer’s fell into devastation, it mustn’t be a happy one.

After a deep breath, Charlie spoke in a quiet but firm voice, “Dad, Luffy’s right. You… You were way out of line, just now.”

“Ch-Charlie– ”

“No. Listen to me. I know you’re upset about what happened with mom, I don’t like how hurt she got either, but punishing Luffy for that is not okay! What he did helped her. And I know that Alastor was– was saying bad things, too, but that doesn’t give you the right to talk about him like that. And he was doing the right thing standing up for Luffy! The stuff you were saying was just… it was awful. I know you guys don’t get along, but I can’t believe you would– you would actually say stuff like that to him,” her words began to waver at that point, like it hurt her just to think back on the moment even when none of what was being said had been directed at her, “From what I’m seeing… he isn’t the one trying to make other people miserable, you are. That’s not okay.”

King Lucifer truly did look miserable, in that moment. Absolutely beside himself in the face of his daughter’s intense disappointment. His words stumbled over themselves, fully unsure in how to fix such an unmendable situation, “I– I just… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry, Charlie. Really…”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Charlie’s tone gained a bit of an edge, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

She stepped out of the way after that in a clear suggestion. Still, though, Lucifer was hesitant to look at Alastor, keeping his wince directed at Charlie rather than in front of him. However, there was someone else still standing in between Alastor and the King.

After a brief pause, Luffy turned to look back at Alastor to say, “I’m gonna use the favor to tell ‘em to say sorry to you.”

“I beg your pardon– ”

“Hey Lucy!” Before Alastor could even finish his remark, Luffy just turned right back to Lucifer after that. The exchange had, apparently, satisfied the condition Alastor had set for the boy to talk to him about his favor before cashing it in. The King’s attention jolted back to Luffy, utterly caught off guard. “I’m usin’ my favor now, so say sorry to Al already!”

“No, he is not going to use his debt on such a thing, because that would be the very definition of a stupidly unnecessary request!” Alastor tried to pull the boy back by the shoulder, only for him not to budge in the slightest. He didn’t know whether to be amused or outraged that apparently every time he’s manhandled the Monkey in whichever way previously, it was seemingly due to the boy allowing himself to be moved.

Predictably, Luffy remained unmoved by his logic as well, “No it’s not. It’s important.”

“How is a useless fake apology of any significance at all?”

“Because you’re important and deserve one. I don’t care about what I’d ask him for later, I just wanna ask this for you instead.”

Alastor wasn’t quite sure why the words felt like a slap to the face, but somehow, they did. Which was utterly bizarre. It wasn’t even the first time Luffy had said something along those lines to him. And yet each time he did, it was as though the weight of those statements compounded more and more. In all his eloquence, Alastor found himself without a response to quip back.

There was an extended pause. Then, Lucifer visibly deflated, averting his furrowed gaze away from Luffy to stare blankly at the floor. When he looked up again, he sidestepped around the boy to face Alastor properly. His expression was solemnly earnest rather than the resentment Alastor had been expecting.

“ …They’re right. I… I went too far there, Alastor. What happened to you with Eve wasn’t– ”

“Don’t. sPeAk of it.”

Lucifer winced again, though Alastor had a feeling it wasn’t in response to the slight shift in his image or the extreme distortion of his voice.

“ –Okay, right. I’ll just say that… I’m sorry. Some of the things you were saying was… You were right, about them, and I didn’t like that. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you or Luffy. And I know you’re– not gonna say you forgive me or anything like that, and that’s fine. Just…” the King’s eyes quickly flashed to the captain before setting back onto Alastor to say, “You don’t have to worry about the kid using his favor for this, alright? I’m not counting it. And I’m sorry to you too, Luffy. I’ll just… leave now. I’m worried about Lilith waking up alone anyway…”

In a spiral of amorphous magical flame, Lucifer disappeared.

Left in his wake, Charlie took a shuddering breath, tears brimming to fall down her cheeks.

“Oh Charlie…” Vaggie’s voice was almost sickeningly soft as she approached the Princess, face empathetically forlorn. She reached out to hold Charlie’s face in her hands, wiping the tears away from one side and then the next. “It’s okay, sweetheart, you did good. You did.”

“I– I know– But I just– hic– I don’t know w-why I’m crying…”

“Hey Charlie!” the address drew her attention immediately, causing Charlie to inadvertently move her face out of Vaggie’s hold to turn at look at Luffy. The boy smiled up at her, still brightly shining even as it was a touch gentler.

“Thanks for talkin’ to your dad for Al. It’s hard bein’ captain sometimes, and you did really good! You’re already getting a lot stronger, see? And also, uh– sorry I punched him and your mom, I guess.”

Charlie took in a gasping breath, eyes still shining from tears. But rather than being cast in despondence as she had been before, her lips turned up into a small, fragile smile.

Touched beyond words, the girl threw herself at Luffy, wrapping her arms around the neck and shoulders of his shorter stature as she wailed, “Oh Luffyyyyyyyyyyy~ !”

“Aaaaand I think that’s my que to scram. What a wild turn that tea party ended up takin’, right?” quick to avoid the lingering sappy emotions, Cherri Bomb sent a finger salute towards the others before making her way towards the door, “Catch ya later bitches! Let me know if Luffy ends up havin’ that fistfight with King Lucy after all, will ya Angel babe?”

“Fuckin’ do not put that back into the universe right after we done killed it!” Angel called back with insistence.

“Well… I don’t think I’m getting her off him for a bit,” Vaggie sighed as she came to stand in front of Alastor. From their places still nearby, Husk snorted at the comment while Angel muttered “been there yeah…”

Alastor watched as Luffy blankly stared at Charlie, before visibly shrugging off his confusion and just returning the hug with multiple wrapping arms. At the rather interesting image of an embrace they made, he chimed gleefully, “Oh, that’s no problem! It’s a relief to finally not be the one stuck in that rubbery mess of limbs! Dear Charlie can have the captain for as long as she pleases! Aha!”

The retort or huff of annoyance that he was anticipating never came. Alastor glanced back at the haphazard group to see Vaggie and Angel Dust staring at him in bewilderment. Husk just had a too knowing smirk on his furry face. Alastor questioned in a flat tone, “This again?”

“Well yer smilin’ the same way, so yeah,” Husk’s retort was also annoyingly knowing, one hand resting at his hip while he made a half shrug, “I tried tellin’ ya before– the change’s like night ‘n’ day.”

At Husk’s reaction, Angel’s surprise slowly shifted into a satisfied smirk as well. He flashed a suggestive eyebrow raise at Alastor. “Luffers’s a pretty stand-up guy, ain’t he? You’re in good hands, Smiles. But I think ya know that already.”

“ …I don’t believe any of what I just said contained any sort of complement directed at the good captain.”

“Ya didn’t need ‘a say anythin’. We got eyes, ya know! I got a whole eight ‘a ‘em even!”

Vaggie, meanwhile, had to blink her vacant expression away. She settled on something half-thoughtful and half-satisfied, before her gaze flitted back to her still wailing paramour. “It’s different, isn’t it? Having someone you want to fight for… You found yourself a good captain, Alastor.”

He hesitated to respond, considering how much to withhold seeing as none of the matter was any of their business. However, he found himself distracted from his ruminating as the sight of the embrace shifted into one of Luffy now attempting to pry the Princess off him, evidently done with her sob session. She was holding onto him hard enough that he was whining strained curses as he peeled her hands back. After a short chuckle kept to the back of his throat, Alastor relented, “ …I do admit, it’s a rather novel experience. I have yet to determine if said experience is a pleasant or unpleasant one, however.”

“I think you’ll figure it out quick enough,” Vaggie gave him her own half shrug with the statement, before she smugly mentioned, “You know, maybe you should consider thanking me for siccing Luffy on you for that broadcast. Seems like things turned out well for you.”

Alastor shot back in his more sardonically joyful voice, “I will most definitely not be considering that, and I will not be thanking you for the suggestion to do so either! I do believe I’ve wasted enough time down here, so farewell and good riddance to you all!”

As he turned his back on the affair and walked off, however, Alastor couldn’t help but pick up the lingering conversation the recovering Charlie began with Luffy…

“Thank you so much, Luffy… For everything. Not just for mom, but Angel. Husk. Alastor– You’ve done so much for them and I– I wasn’t able to do anything for them even though I… I’m supposed to take care of them. Not that they can’t take care of themselves, but– I wanna be able to help them when they need it, and I didn’t do anything– ”

“You talk too much. Just keep gettin’ stronger! I used to be a weak crybaby too! My brothers made fun ‘a me all the time!”

“Huh…? You? Really?!”

“Uhuh! Couldn’t even throw a punch right! It’d just go all over the place! Shishi! I had to work hard, and even when I got strong, I had to get even more strong. There’ve been people I couldn’t save… I had to keep goin’, until I was strong enough not to lose anymore. If you just keep goin’, you’ll get to where ya wanna be, too.”

“ …Thank you, Luffy. I’ll do my best! For you, too.”

…Even when he learns more about the strange God that has chosen him, there are seemingly endless mysteries that have yet to make themselves known. He supposed things would get too boring otherwise, though.

It took two days after that for Alastor to finally decide it was time to remove Luffy’s bandages. For every moment up to this, the boy had practically been a bloodsucking leech with how he refused to detach himself from Alastor. He would force Luffy to retire to bed only for the manchild to incessantly whine if Alastor himself tried to leave the room. The annoyance and his own apathy towards the situation were enough to lead him to agreeing to stay, though not to sleep.

He’d been keeping himself busy throughout the night using shadows to search out his priorly kept souls and assess their situations, determining if it’d be beneficial to reestablish a non-soul related deal or if they were still desperate enough to agree to the handshake. If he did deign to prey upon them again and they asked after what’d happened –they’d all looked disappointed their deals hadn’t been broken by his death– he’d casually dismiss the apparent urgency of the circumstances by explaining he was now in alliance with a demon who disliked working with souls, and it’d been a worthy trade to dismiss the Contracts of sinners not of use to him in exchange for having the power of said demon on hand. Naturally, they all became terrified by the prospect of what horrible, monstrous demon could have been strong enough to attract the Radio Demon’s attention to such an extent. It took quite a bit of restraint to keep himself from laughing in their faces. And then he would return back to the hotel to face a Monkey rudely demanding to be fed, and the matter would no longer seem as amusing.

Needless to say, by the time Luffy’s wound had sufficiently healed, Alastor realized that if he had to spend too long of a time being the boy’s sole companion, he would actually kill the bastard out of pure frustration. He said as much to Luffy, too, as he unwrapped the gauze for the last time. Examining the other’s chest, the large red X now had a stitched-up X atop it, lit in stitches of his veridian power.

“I did warn you it wouldn’t come out clean, but I think it suits your character. I can hide the sutures if you’d like.”

“COOL! Thanks!” Luffy declared while looking in the mirror with his hands on his waist, clearly uncaring of the slight deformity, “And nah, I wanna keep the glowy stuff. It makes it look cooler and more Alastor-y!”

“I do believe that’s the first time my name has been used as an adjective before. You’re quite welcome, dear. On that note, though, I do have to say… If things go on as they have been for too long, I will become much too tempted to smother you in your sleep and feast upon your divine flesh and blood. I have a suggestion to make.”

Entirely indifferent to the threat of being cannibalized, the boy just glanced at him to reply, “Yeah?”

“Well, firstly, I am assuming that should any of your crewmates were to have heard your interview on the radio from not too long ago, they would have promptly attempted to search me out to find you in turn.”

“Yeah! They’d come right away! Except for Zoro, he’d just get lost.”

Alastor deigned not to comment on that last point, instead moving on to explain, “Hmm… While my broadcasts are extensive within Pentagram City, they are not absolute. They may not have been available anywhere a speaker was playing to have heard it. And additionally, I don’t bother spreading my signal to other cities of the Ring, as this city is the main hub for sinners. So some may have even ventured outwards, considering you are pirating adventurers after all.”

“Oh… That makes sense, yeah. I can just look around for ‘em then!”

“Now, now– this is a large city, dear captain. It’s large enough to hold the vast majority of the sinner population, as crowded as it is. And that’s not even considering the rest of the Ring. Should you simply wander about at random, you may just take all of eternity to find them! Haha! It would be hilarious if not for the fact that I will go completely insane by then!” Alastor laughed the idea off before reaching his actual conclusion, “You have seen my ability to search out and gather information with shadows including my own to some extent. I can remotely search all of not only this city, but other populated regions of the Ring through this method. Therefore, I suggest leaving the matter of searching for your wayward crew in my very capable hands! You need simply provide descriptions for who I should be looking for, to the best of your ability considering they probably look fairly different now, and I can– ”

He was unexpectedly cut off by Luffy outright ramming into him. The boy’s tackle was so strong, it knocked Alastor right over such that they were both ungracefully sprawled on the floor of his room. The rubber arms, legs, and furry tail were more akin to the grip of an octopus demon than anything else. Alastor found himself blinking up blankly at the ceiling as Luffy rubbed the side of his cheek into Alastor’s in a very puppy-dog manner.

“YEAH!!! THANKS A TON!!! Alastor’s really so cool! Shishishi!”

“Yes– I can see your appreciation very clearly. You can remove yourself now!”

“No!” after a couple seconds though, Luffy jostled as he seemed to think of something, amending his refusal, “Oh– I remembered somethin’! Wait here ‘k?”

The boy was out the door as fast as he’d thrown Alastor to the ground. With great irritation, he picked himself up and brushed off his suit.

Alastor will admit –within the confines of his own mind that is– that he was gradually becoming more accustomed to the captain’s clinginess, which surpassed even Niffty’s in terms of overwhelming abundance. It was why he’d begun allowing Luffy into his own quarters when attending to his injury. Just because he was getting used to it, though, did not mean he was pleased to be mauled in such a careless manner. Once again, his mind questioned why he hadn’t bothered just letting the God bleed out beside Lilith. What’s a matter of being ungrateful and backstabbing when he was a demon Overlord only out for himself? It would’ve been the most practical course to take by far…

True to his word, it wasn’t too long before Luffy came bursting back into the room. He carried in a large pizza box, bottle, and two small cups with him, declaring, “We gotta have a party for Alastor joinin’ the crew! We’ll do one when everyone’s here, but I don’t wanna wait that long!”

“I would not imagine you to have the patience to wait that long, yes,” Alastor commented while watching Luffy place his procurements down on the table in front of the fireplace. Only for the boy to start dragging over the two armchairs to the bayou section of the room, along with the table to set up in front of them. He’ll have to clean those up later. “Is there a reason why you’d prefer to have the ‘party’ over there?”

“So we can have a campfire, duh!”

Alastor withheld a comment about the lit fireplace the boy had taken the furniture from. He recognized the lost cause for what it was. Instead, he sat down in one of the relocated seats and conjured up a fresh deer carcass, already skinned and gutted this time. Then he used some small tendrils to tear the legs off the dead meat and set them up over the green flames he manifested to act as the desired ‘campfire’. Luffy beamed at him as though he was in the midst of hanging the moon in the sky. “That pizza could never feed the both of us. Since you’re set on a camping experience, I’ll graciously cook some of my venison for you. The rest will remain rare for myself.”

“Yummy! Thanks!” The boy then ‘thanked’ him by dragging over another side table that he placed close to Alastor.

“And this is for…?”

“Your radio, so you can play the music ya like! Ya wouldn’t wanna put it on the ground right?”

…That’s actually quite thoughtful. At the suggestion, Alastor conjured his old-time radio onto the table, setting it to play some upbeat ragtime at a quiet volume as to remain in the background. “You know, dear captain, you do the most marvelous job of keeping me guessing as to whether you’re dumb as a rock or have a real brain somewhere inside that Monkey head of yours.”

“Thanks!”

“I’m not certain that was meant to be taken as a compliment. On another note, I’m surprised you didn’t attempt to recruit the rest of the hotel residents to participate in this little party. You’re a the more the merrier type from what I’ve gathered.”

And while he didn’t mention it, he also was surprised to watch as Luffy, instead of going straight for the pizza, set it aside to place the two cups down in front of himself and Alastor to pour some sake for the both of them. The boy was paying an absurd amount of attention to making sure he didn’t spill –which Alastor agreed was very needed considering the pourer in question– not looking up at Alastor as he replied, “I would, but it’s Alastor’s party, and ya don’t like havin’ a lot ‘a people around sometimes. You’d have more fun with just the two of us, right?”

Before he could respond, Luffy finished pouring and held up his cup toward Alastor with a shining grin. “Alastor also likes doin’ things properly, so we’ll have a sake ceremony! It’s how you declare your bonds! I did one with my brothers when we were kids to become brothers, and then Barto and those other guys did one without me agreein’ to say they’re my fleet or whatever. But ours’ll just be to say we’re crew and I’m your captain! So cheers!”

Alastor stared at the cup for a minute, before he took his own small cup in hand. He smiled back at Luffy as he clinked their cups together. “I do like to keep my deals official. As the captain wishes– Cheers!”

He doesn’t recall ever having had sake before, being a hard to come by foreign import in life and uninterested in the drink in death. It was strong, but not so strong as to make a harsh burn, running down his throat smoothly and with a slight sweetness to it. He still preferred whiskey, but he would not be opposed to enjoying the drink for the occasional special event.

He also took the opportunity to ask after the people he was meant to be searching out and found many of the captain’s descriptions to be… fairly peculiar.

“I found Zoro first! So he’s the first mate I think, but he’s the best with swords! He uses three of ‘em! His hair looks like grass and he always gets lost! If he’s not with anyone, he’s never gonna find us haha! Then I met Nami, she likes tangerines and her hair looks like ‘em too! She also likes money! She figures out where we are and how to go where we wanna.”

“A swordsman and a navigator then. A navigator is a must and having a dedicated fighter is also likely a necessity for someone of your troublesome nature. Some rather bright coloring compared to the natural hair colors of Earth, but they shouldn’t be too out of place here in Hell.”

“Then there’s Usopp! His nose is super long and he tells good stories cause he lies a lot! He uses a big slingshot to shoot lots ‘a different stuff that he makes! And then Sanji! His food is suuuuper yummy! He’s blond with weird swirly eyebrows. He likes to kick people and curse at ‘em, especially Zoro! Aha! They’re always fighting!”

“You don’t have a description beyond long nose for the lad? How sad! It’s not very common for snipers to be proficient in slingshot rather than a simple gun, but it sounds like his ammo is also unique. And the remarkable chef, yes, I remember you having previously mentioned him. You’re not concerned by the apparent discord within your group?”

“Nah, that’s how they have fun. Anyway, then we met Vivi, but she didn’t keep travelin’ with us cause she had to stay home and run her country. She used to be a princess and now she’s queen! Also she’s still alive. Oh– But then we met Chopper! You should like him cause you’re both reindeer!”

“While it’s intriguing to hear you managed to have legitimate royalty on your crew at some point, I feel the need to clarify; I have features of a typical deer, dear captain. Reindeer are a separate type of deer. As you’d brought up that name when asking after a doctor, I had thought that to be your doctor’s name, not your pet’s.”

“No, he’s the doctor yeah! The marines thought he was a pet too though! Shishi!”

“So he is a person who consumed one of those strange fruit found in your world and gained reindeer attributes, then.”

“No, the other way ‘round! He ate a fruit that made him more human. And then learned medicine ‘n’ stuff and now he’s a doctor!”

“ …That is …most interesting.”

“Right?! Hahaha! And then there’s Robin! Oh, I guess we met her before Chopper actually, but it doesn’t count cause she was working for Croco then. After we saved Vivi’s country from that guy she joined us! She knows a lot ‘a history stuff and can read poneglyphs, she’s really smart! And she can make a bunch ‘a extra arms ‘n’ legs ‘n’ everything cause of her fruit, and she’s got black hair like me!”

“Rather peculiar to have what sounds like an archaeologist on a pirate crew… But that also sounds like a handy ability indeed, aha!”

“People who look for history are just lookin’ for a different kinda adventure! Also we needed to read that stuff to find the One Piece! After Robin was Franky, he’s a SUUUUPER cool cyborg with lazers and robots! He made the Sunny Go and fixes her up when she needs it! Sunny’s our ship!”

“ …I had not thought your technology to be advanced enough for techno-organic fusion. Your shipwright is truly that sort of being?”

“It’s cause he’s really smart and fixed himself up to be one! All his stuff runs on Cola! He learned a lot ‘a things while he was trainin’ too!”

“I do apologize, but surely you don’t mean Cola as in the soft drink beverage?”

“That one yeah! And oh! Oh! You’ll like Brook too! He plays a ton ‘a instruments and sings! When he was trainin’ he was a rockstar for a while but went back to only playin’ for us when we all met up again. Every pirate crew’s gotta have a musician! Ya can’t have a proper crew without one! He also likes makin’ jokes a lot!”

“ …Alright, moving past the Cola-powered cyborg for now– While I do appreciate the musical arts, I’m not quite sure it’s right to have strict requirement for such talent aboard a pirate ship. But I suppose everything is to the captain’s discretion. Do you have a physical description of this musical fellow for me so that I need not accost every down-on-their-luck street act?”

“Yeah! He’s got a cool afro! And he’s a skeleton!”

“ …He was a SKELETON in LIFE??? How in the Seven Rings of Hell was that not your starting descriptor?!”

“Yeah, cause his fruit let him come back after he died but then he got lost cause of fog! So he ended up a skeleton! Shishishi! Isn’t that funny?”

“Well yes, I actually find that idea to be hilarious! However, I’m not certain the fellow himself would think similarly! Now what godforsaken creature do you have as your last crewmember?”

“That’s Jinbei! He joined last a while after the others, but he helped me before then too when I really needed it. He used to be the captain of his own crew before he agreed to join me instead, and now he steers the ship! He’s a fishman, so he’s a really good swimmer and can use Fishman Karate ‘n’ stuff!”

“So he’s the helmsman. And a fishman is… not simply a person who consumed a fruit which made them into a fish?”

“Yeah! They’re like humans but they live under the sea like the mermaids do! Now they can live on the surface with everyone else though, so Jinbei’s really happy about that!”

“ …On the scale of the literal reindeer doctor, soft drink cyborg, and dead-but-alive skeleton, I suppose mermaids and mermaid-adjacent creatures are an almost normal, believable concept for a world covered in ocean. I’ll accept it. And here I was worried that the rest of your crew wouldn’t be nearly as interesting as you. I truly shouldn’t have considered the thought in the first place!”

“Yeah, that was dumb of ya. I only invite people I think ‘re cool to be part of my crew. Like Al!”

“That is perhaps the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever received if that’s what the term ‘cool’ means to you!”

Alastor tried not to ruminate too much on the fact that he’d apparently been drafted into a freakshow of a pirate crew. Nor on considerations of how well he’d get along with the rest of them when he tended to judge most people as being not worth his time.

While he’d initially been skeptical, Alastor did, indeed, find himself relaxing with the more causal festivity. None of the discussion was of any real importance, but it was engaging to question Luffy about some peculiarities of his strange world –including asking after that casual mention of a fleet Luffy had passed over– even if his explanations required quite a helping of personal interpretation to logic out, while he himself explained contrasting points of either Earth or Hell in turn. The pizza Luffy had chosen was of course piled with every type of meat available as a pizza topping, and his venison was as delectable as always. Luffy tried a raw piece of deer out of curiosity, and when his expression tightened into serious consideration to declare that he liked it more than non-meat food but less than cooked meat, Alastor cackled at the reaction.

The pleasant atmosphere, as well as the alcohol likely, did well to loosen him up. Luffy didn’t have too much to drink outside of a couple obligatory cups of congratulations, so Alastor was the one to finish off the bottle. After the sake had run dry, he ignored the flush that warmed his cheeks and brought out some good rye, wanting the occasion and the pleasant buzz that came with it to last a bit longer into the night.

And despite the original resistance to singing for Luffy that he'd had but a couple days prior… when a favorite song of his came on, he found himself chiming along.

“Hey, hobo man! Hey, Dapper Dan! You've both got your style! But brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile~ ”

“Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly! They stand out a mile! But brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile~ ”

Alastor laughed shortly into his microphone, amplifying his voice fully through the radio. Luffy laughed back when Alastor twisted his head all the way around with a crack and leaned into the boy. Their chairs had been pushed directly side by side by the other some time ago. He was close enough that some of Luffy’s laughter was picked up by his mic and mixed into the radio music and static, and thought it added a nice touch to the charming tone.

“Who cares what they're wearing on Main Street or Saville Row, it's what you wear from ear to ear! And not from head to toe, that matters~ ”

On the line, Alastor drew the tip of his claw from one corner of the God’s lips to the other, following the smiling curve of them. A perfect demonstration for the song. Though not one he usually uses, as if he wasn’t using it as an intentionally irritating gesture, it could be easily misinterpreted for vulgar means. He didn’t have to worry about such a thing with this boy, however. At the trailing end of the smile, Alastor shifted to pinch the rubbery cheek and pull it out a half-arm’s length. When he let go and it snapped back in place, Luffy let his head snap back with it in a mimic of a bobble head wobble, eyes squeezing shut and bursting out in a giggling fit at the action that was again mixed into the track. Oh, that’s actually quite fun!

“So, Senator! So, Janitor! So long for a while! Remember, you're never fully dressed without a smile… ”

As the song trailed off, Alastor bopped the boy atop his head with his mic as he threw in a quick quip, “I hope you realize you’re a spoiled brat. Not many have been privy to a private performance by the Radio Demon, after all!”

“Shishishi! I know! It’s cause you and everyone else like spoilin’ me!” Luffy happily admitted to without shame, grin truly stretched from ear to ear on his rubber face.

After blinking his wide eyes back open, Luffy swung himself over so that he was sitting sideways in Alastor’s lap, his tail wrapping lightly around Alastor’s knee. Alastor tensed at the contact, mind quickly processing if he should push the boy off or not when he was distracted by Luffy reaching a hand towards his face.

He copied Alastor’s prior motion, tracing the curve of Alastor’s own smile with his finger, emphasizing, “I like it when ya smile like this the best!”

Humming as Luffy’s arm shifted to lace behind Alastor’s neck and rest across it and his shoulders, the demon asked in genuine curiosity, “Is it truly so different?”

“Yeah! A lot ‘a yer smiles aren’t happy ones, but this one’s super happy! So it’s the best!”

“Hmm… Well, while the captain is a man that only smiles when he’s joyful, I use my smile for much more than that. It’s an important tool to maintain control, among other things. I suppose that displeases you? As fearless as you are, you have no need to smile in the face of such a thing or any of that like. You’re not even afraid of death, are you?”

To his surprise, Luffy just shook his head, grin unwavering. “Nah– I’m scared of stuff too. I’m not scared of dyin’, but bein’ alone scares me. So I’m really glad I found Alastor right away when I came here, since I’m not lonely with ya around! And it’s weird how you’re always smilin’, but that’s fine too! As long as ya still have happy smiles, you can smile however ya wanna! There’s no bad way to do it!”

The mention of Luffy’s fear of loneliness wasn’t a surprise. It brought to mind how the boy had attempted to set up residence in Alastor’s quarters the very first night, how he’d been adamantly against Alastor parting from his side in any significant manner for the past few days, as well as the close contact he liked to keep.

While Alastor himself didn’t tend towards such a desire for closeness, his mind strayed from its previous fretting and his frame lost its tension, becoming accustomed to the new warmth and weight… He thought he wouldn’t mind too much indulging in the captain’s whim.

Luffy’s stance on there being ‘no bad way’ to smile had him feeling doubtfully intrigued, though. Accepting the challenge, Alastor lit up the previously unseen stitches at the edges of his grin to gesture towards it and nonchalantly pose, “Even if I were to make said smile by sewing my mouth into a semi-permanent fixture of one?”

“ …That’s really weird. But Al’s really weird, so… guess it’s fine? Kinda.”

Alastor managed to earn a hesitant, judging stare from Luffy at that. An absolute weirdo with a crew full of weirdos calling him a weirdo, talk of pot calling the kettle black! He laughed at the absurdity of it, feeling a high from successfully agitating the usually unmoved God.

Before he knew it, the fire burned down into embers, the food ran out, and the whiskey had long run dry. When Luffy began to visibly tire, leaning into Alastor’s side out of dozing rather than intimacy, he yawned a whine of a request to stay in the room. To which Alastor caved and conjured up a second bed for the other.

More unexpected was Luffy pushing him into his own bed, mumbling about how Alastor hadn’t been sleeping and telling him to go to bed too. Seeing as it had been a while since his last rest, Alastor chimed a noncommittal agreement. Though he waited until the boy was softly snoring before cleaning up and switching out his clothes for a more comfortable night set. Alastor tucked himself under the covers while leaving the soft, quiet piano of Clair De Lune to play –somewhat overdone, but Debussy is now considered a classic for a reason– not actually expecting to fall fully asleep. He couldn’t even imagine willingly falling unconscious with another person in the room. Such a vulnerability typically put him much too on edge for such a thing.

So it was a somewhat embarrassing shock to wake up late the next morning with Luffy still snoring across the room. He had immediately knocked out. Not only that, but he couldn’t remember having slept that soundly in ages.

Ultimately, he decided that as long as he continued to wake up and make himself presentable before the boy woke up… There was no harm in also catering to that whim of the captain’s.

Chapter Text

Since the founding of his totally awesome hit company IMP, Blitzø has had to have a certain policy when it came to accepting hits from certain sinners.

When they first figured out that there was apparently a whole fuckin’ other surface world some of these dipshits fell down from, Moxxie freaked the fuck out about it, but Blitzø himself just went straight to complaining about how the fucking sinner of the week was tryin’ to chump-change them through bullshit conversion of these berries their world apparently used as money. Who the FUCK names their currency after fuckin’ FRUIT by the way??? After figuring out which part of the grimoire to use to follow the trail the sinner’s soul had taken to arrive in Hell, it didn’t seem like it’d go much different than usual. The only real difference was that the target was a pirate, which was fuckin’ cool if you asked him. So no big deal, right?

Wrong. Huge deal. MAJOR deal. The pirate in question –he was an old man, they said, already half-way out the door, they said– was fuckin’ built like a brick house, just short of being two stories tall, and surround by absolute freaks that might be considered human beings including an actual fucking mythical phoenix guy. During the stake out when Moxxie started having a stroke over watching through the scope as the guy cracked literal earthquakes into the air, for once in his life, Blitzø agreed with his underling’s take. He said fuck this bullshit, we aren’t gettin’ paid enough for this, and promptly pulled him and the M&Ms outta there. And from then on, whenever a sinner started their hit request by saying that their target was either a pirate or marine or whatever the fuck a Cipher Pol or Celestial Dragon is supposed to be, Blitzø would put a gun to their face and demand to know if the fucker would be easy enough to kill with a bullet to the head, if the answer was no, he’d then ask what the fuck do ya think WE can do to kill ‘em then?!?! and kick ‘em to the curb.

That being said, it was still goddamn annoying to have to give up on a whole portion of offers, especially since even if they weren’t frequent, they were usually very high offers. Kinda had to be when a bunch ‘a the targets already had a set fuckin’ dead or alive bounty on their heads. So Blitzø had been bitching about tryin’ to figure something out about that –partially cause it kept him distracted from thinking of other, Stolas-related things– when, about a month ago, he’d been distracted by the sound of other people bitching from down the street…

“Mosshead you piece of shit stop walking already we are in the WRONG SHITTY CITY!!!”

“It’s not my fault the streets keep moving! This place is just weird! If ya gotta problem with it swirly brow then stop following me and find your own damn way to the captain!”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! But if I leave you then we’ll literally never find you again in this afterlife and Nami will be upset with me! For once in all of your shitty existence just admit that you’re fucking lost!”

“For the last time I’m not lost! And you think I care if that witch beats the shit out of you– ”

“SHUT! UP!” Blitzø finally snapped, sticking his head out the office window to empty an entire mag at the two without even stopping to look at them, “SHUT THE FUCK UP THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKIN’ CITY TRYIN’ TO BITCH IN PEACE YOU FUCKING–  ”

He was suddenly punted back by a kick to the head, crashing through the wall of his private office and into the reception area. The debris settled to the sound of guns at ready and weapons drawn. Blitzø stopped himself from getting into another cursing fit at the feeling of a blade to his throat. He looked down the katana to see the mosshead guy glare down at him with a single eye.

“Put down your weapons,” mosshead ordered the growling M&Ms and Loona, “He shot first. I don’t care either way, but we can end it here, or we can take you all out.”

There was a beat of silence, tension so thick in the air Millie could cut it with her axe. Then, the blond swirly brow guy raised his leg into the air–

–only for his foot to go crashing through his friend’s –frienemy’s?– face instead. Mosshead cursed as he made another fucking hole in Blitzø’s wall, but swirly brow just cursed back, “Shitty mosshead, the hell do you think you’re doing threating these perfectly fine ladies?!”

Th guy rushed to bow to the girls and give them both a very obvious heart-eyes once over. “I’m so sorry, Miss and little Miss, that shitty bastard is just incapable of learning manners. You weren’t hurt by our rude entrance were you– ”

“STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!!”

“THAT’S MY WIFE YOU’RE TALKING TO MISTER!!!”

After another round of chaos that ended when Loonie bit off both Blitzø’s and swirly brow’s faces, things calmed down enough that Millie’s stomach rumbled from their missed lunch hour. With his face still covered in bandages, swirly brow immediately offered to make lunch to make up for the horrible inconvenience he’d brought to such beauties, and mosshead had to punt both Blitzø and Moxxie in the back of their heads before they could start another round, with the only reason Blitzø let the guy off for it being cause he also punted swirly brow in the head too. Since having the guy cover lunch was the least these fuckers could do, Blitzø didn’t put up another fight after blondie walked off to put something together.

Then swirly brow came back with the best fucking sandwiches Blitzø had ever eaten. Like, it wasn’t even a contest. How in the Seven Rings of Hell did the guy make this with only deli meat, cheese, and bread??? This is NOT the shit he buys himself at the store! And thinking with his stomach, he asked through a bite full if the guy would be up to catering for a hit company specialized in killing off people of the living world –so long as you stay the fuck away from my daughter, don’t think this means I’ll let that go you creep.

Mosshead was the one to answer him, grinning a mean-looking smirk, “We’ll do you one better. If you gotta way to get up there, there’s someone we’d be interested in taking care of. There’s a certain Fleet Admiral that our captain never got to have a last battle with since he was too busy with other world government freaks to beat up, and the guys we left him to were opposing marines. Didn’t finish the job.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, course you’re one ‘a those fuckers– Listen, if he can’t be killed with a normal ass gun and bullet we are not– ”

“Who said we’d be sending you? All we need is a ride. The two of us are more than enough to handle the likes of a government dog.”

Looking over the two fuckers and thinking of how he hadn’t even seen them fuckin’ jump him through his own window, Blitzø had to admit they probably didn’t need IMP’s very capable help. He agreed to the job of being the middleman of a sorts. So with that in mind, he set up the Asmodean Crystal Stolas switched out the grimoire for –don’t think about it, don’t think about it don’t think about–

Turns out the guy they were hunting down was literally made of magma, like the fuck? Despite the whole being made of magma thing, though, they seemed capable enough of slicing and kicking the guy until they punted him into the sea to drown him. You can drown these fuckers? Really, that’s all you need?! This place is like 95% FUCKING WATER!!! From Blitzø’s watch point he could see the other ex-marines run back and forth like frantic ants, shouting about how the Straw Hat Pirates have returned from death as demons to take revenge! or whatever. Only then did he realize they maybe should’ve worried more about the potentially being discovered part of this mission, but compared to Earth this place didn’t have the right tech or magic to come after them, so he decided to put off gettin’ his panties in a bunch about it until trouble actually came knocking at their door.

The successful mission brought a new game into play. Apparently while they were looking for some pirate captain of theirs, mosshead was also looking to save up enough money to buy six more swords. Why would a single fucker need, in total, nine fucking swords, you ask? Well apparently he’s upgrading to 9-Sword Style whatever the fuck THAT means! It was no skin off Blitzø’s bones though. So they made a deal where mosshead would take on missions for their world with targets they didn’t mind killing in exchange for a cut, along with swirly brow being paid for his cooking. But the guy better not even look at Loona or God help him Blitzø will find a way to string out his guts on his own fucking grill!

This arrangement was in place for only about two weeks when word got out enough that another interesting fucker ended up coming to IMPs door. One that the bitching duo knew in life. After a short conversation about oh so this’s where you ended up Trafalgar? Your crew here too? Probably in Heaven? That’s a shame. Have you seen our captain around? No? Too bad, enjoy the break while it lasts though– The extremely tired looking new fucker said he was looking to take out Blackbeard, the most pirating pirate name that Blitzø’s heard since the absolute unit that was Whitebeard, only for dumb and dumber to explain their captain had already killed him. With just a nod, Trafalgar accepted the response and switched to saying he was looking to take out a Flamingo in prison or something like that. To which the bitching duo, without missing a beat, immediately exclaimed, “AGAIN?!?!”

Which sounded like there was an interesting story there, but if Blitzø wasn’t being paid to listen, he didn’t really give a shit. That being said, they were apparently cool with the guy and not cool with the Flamingo, so it was another mission for the books.

Turns out the prison the Flamingo was in was a fucking fuckfest. Like six levels of torture under the sea fuckfest. Blitzø always knew humans were fuckin’ bastards, why else would they feel the need to build their prison literally in the layout of actual Hell?! And they had to go all the way to the fucking bottom to even reach the guy they wanted to kill, and the braindead mosshead kept getting fucking lost instead of running in the literal same direction as the rest of them, and what was even the point?! That’s just moving the fucker from one Hell to another! But Trafalgar had cash and was on the mission himself since he wanted to give the killing blow so whatever! Maybe he gets off on it?! So they got in, killed the human who was not an actual flamingo, and on the way out busted one of their friends out along the way just for the Hell of it.

After the success, Trafalgar paid up and said he’d get out word of the “Pirate Hunter” taking up bounty hunting again along with “Black Leg”, along with looking out for the still missing captain. When mosshead told him to also pass around that “Straw Hat Luffy” is the new Pirate King while he was at it –what the fuck is with all these stupid ass names???– Trafalgar promptly lost his shit, demanding, “Why in the name of Gol D. Roger was that NOT the first damn thing you told me?!”

“What? You really thought we all died without him finding the One Piece?! Be real Traffy!”

“Well excuse me for not making assumptions about that brat finding the most legendary treasure of the age!”

“He’s the shitty brat who was always gonna do whatever he puts his mind to, you know that. Could you even imagine a world where he didn’t get his way in the end?”

“ …No. Because being with you lot has rotted my damn brain, that’s why! This is not normal, I’m telling you! Here I thought dying would at least finally spare me from this mess!”

When the guy turned to leave in a huffy fit, though, the swordsman caught him by the shoulder to say one last thing, “Hey. Once we find him, don’t spend too long avoiding Luffy, alright? He… really didn’t like what happened, with you. Blackbeard was in our way so we would’ve taken care of him anyway, but he killed him for you. The last war of the Straw Hat Pirates was fought in honor of you and your crew. Think about what that means.”

To that, Trafalgar just looked… stunned. Any possibility of responding just absolutely obliterated. Hiding his face in the shadow of his hat, he left without saying another word.

Did Blitzø even know what that entire conversation was about? No. Did he care? Fuck no.

All he cares about when it comes to these freaks is how many zeroes swirly brow suggests adding onto a bounty after they get the name of a target. And the delicious fucking food that guy makes, by God– He’s pretty sure he had a dry orgasm eating those bacon-wrapped scallops. They were just that good!

And so that led into the current day, which started off just like any other day with the bitching duo. After attempting to go over details of an offer, they got to bitching at each other over something totally irrelevant. Blitzø broke up the fight by firing his gun at the ceiling, shouting, “SHUT THE FUCK UP LADIES, YOU’RE BOTH PRETTY, ALRIGHT!!! So just calm the fuck down and explain to me why the Hell we aren’t accepting this Kata-bari as a target– ”

He cut off with another curse when there was a knock at the door. Stomping over, Blitzø readied his gun, prepared to shoot whoever was on the other side just to take the edge off. Slamming the door open, he was exactly 0.3 seconds away from completely losing it at the sight of absolutely no one when the sound of static caught his attention. Looking down, an old as fuck radio had been placed on the doorstep.

“Salutations to the Immediate Murder Professionals and company! This is a special localized broadcast brought to you by the Radio Demon, perhaps you’ve heard of me? Regardless, I have a message for the two Straw Hat Pirates frequenting this establishment; Your captain is waiting in anticipation for your arrival at the Hazbin Hotel in Pentagram City! How it is that you found yourself in Imp City is a curious development– ”

“Al! Did ya find ‘em?! Who’re you talkin’ to?!”

“ –And here’s the man himself now! I believe I’ve found your first mate and chef– ”

“ZORO!!! SANJI!!! Hurry up and come over! I’m hungry! Sanji, don’t let Zoro leave ya or you won’t make it in time for dinner!”

“Did I not feed you but an hour ago?”

“Yeah, but thinking of Sanji’s food made me hungry again.”

“ …I suggest you make your way posthaste, before I lose my patience and your captain loses his head. Farewell for now!”

There was a sigh behind Blitzø, tinged with both frustration and fondness of all things. He turned around to glare up at swirly brow. The bastard was fuckin’ smiling at the ancient thing on the ground. “Sounds like Luffy’s been having a good time, found a sap to cook for him and everything. And here I was worried he’d starve without me around.”

“Tch. What’s he talkin’ about you keeping me on a leash? He should at least trust me to find my way back to him!” tone also utterly fond, Mosshead was grinning too. Less of a bloodthirsty smirk as usual and more of an endeared lopsided thing. And swirly brow was so caught up in having heard from their captain, he didn’t even follow up the statement with a scathing insult about how the guy couldn’t find his way out of a cardboard box.

It was disgusting! For the entire time he’d been working with these two trainwrecks, Blitzø had never seen them… actually get along, about anything. At all. No, scratch that– they got along for exactly one thing, and that was killing the red dog bastard. But it was a shared violence this guy is so fuckin’ dead comradery, something Blitzø himself could relate to perfectly fine. This, on the other hand, was something else entirely. Like as though just the reminder of their captain’s presence was enough for them to find common ground.

Squinting his glare at the fuckers, Blitzø drawled, “Don’t fucking tell me… The entire time you two have been here, you’ve been fighting worse than you usually would cause that guy wasn’t here too?!”

Scoffing, mosshead rolled his singular eye, “We always fight like that, and Luffy doesn’t bother getting in the way of it. Though… I guess without him or anyone else in the crew around to distract from swirly brow’s awful personality, I have to deal with it more often.”

“Huh? It’s you who I have to deal with more without the others around! Especially with the lovely Miss Nami and Miss Robin gone! I could’ve been pampering them all this time instead of being stuck babysitting you!”

“I don’t care who’s dealing with who, I all care about is that you made it MY FUCKING PROBLEM TOO!!! Get your asses outta here already! You better fuckin’ pick up the phone when I call with a hit offer, mosshead! And swirly brow, how’s catering once a week sound?”

“You think I’ll have time for your shitty ass once I have the captain to feed, horn bastard?! His stomach’s easily worth ten people!”

When the two fuckers made their way out the door, Blitzø swerved towards the M&Ms. They were both looking at him in full seriousness, understanding the severity of the situation instantly. “Plan M. I repeat, we are initiating Plan M. Our damn bacon-wrapped scallops are on the line here!”

“Understood sir!” after the salute, Millie turned towards her husband to give him a kiss on the cheek, the two looking sappy and besotted as usual, “Sorry hun, but I gotta save our baby back ribs.”

With a slight nod, Moxxie visible steeled his heart as he agreed, “I understand, my love. For the sake of our prime rib, I give authorization for Plan M sir!”

And with that, Millie rushed after the two pirates, flagging them down with an energetic wave. Swirly brow immediately did a 180 while mosshead scowled at him.

She smiled up at the fucker, batting her eyelashes as she pulled out her full Wrath Ring Belle drawl, “Oh Sanji darlin~ You’re not really leavin’ without a lettin’ me give ya a goodbye kiss, are ya? Why, ya haven’t even promised me ya ‘ll come back for dinner sometime!”

The pathetic man instantly dropped to his knees, hands clutched together and literal hearts lighting up in his eyes. He bent way over to get his face close enough to the much smaller imp for Millie to plant a tiny smooch against his cheek, never even dreaming of making the woman overextend herself for the gesture. “Oh Miss Millie~ <3!!! I would’ve never expected to receive such an honor from such a beautiful, radiant woman! Of course I’ll be back to cook for you and Miss Loona! Just call me whenever and I’ll figure it out, no problem!”

“HELL YEAH– I mean, I knew I could count on ya, darlin’! Our dear Sanji boy would never disappoint a lady, now would he? Have fun with your captain!”

As Millie strut her way back to the office with the biggest smirk, mosshead scowled down at the still wobbly heart-eyed swirly brow. He tsked, “You’re damn pathetic, you know that cook?”

“What’d you say swords for brains– ”

Blitzø was all too glad to slam the door on that brewing fight. Smirking wide, he held out a fist bump for Millie. “Now that was some good fuckin’ work out there, Mills!”

“He never stood a chance honey. You had him dead from the start!” Moxxie pulled his wife into a proper kiss after the compliment. Though when he pulled back, his face winced from remembered agony, “I am SO glad those guys are gone though! Every day with them and Sir in the same room is a day I contemplate the benefits of death…”

Pulling back from the kiss with a giggle, Millie chimed, “Aw, don’t be so dramatic darlin’! And that was nothin’! Like takin’ baby back ribs from a baby!”

“Or prime rib…”

“Or bacon-wrapped scallops!”

“Or wagyu sirloin…” Loona chimed in from where she leaned against the doorway to Blitzø’s office, licking her snout at the thought. She’d been in there due to Blitzø forbidding swirly brow from being in the same room as her except during mealtime, and she found the guy disgusting enough to agree.

Overall, Blitzø was also fuckin’ glad to see those Straw Hats go. But on the other hand, he’d still be looking forward to when they came back for the occasional dinner and assassination… And then look forward to seeing them leave again right after instead of FUCKING FIGHTING IN HIS OFFICE EVERY DAY ALL DAY!!!

It took a few days after Luffy’s injury had mostly healed before Alastor found the first set of the Straw Hat Crew.

During the time, he’d been tending to the boy as he had been while Luffy had been recovering, still cooking for him, enduring his never-ending presence, and letting the other stay in his quarters. Alastor recognized that he didn’t need to cook for Luffy, the hotel kitchens were set up to provide most meals so long as food was in stock to put something together with. But for whatever reason, the knowledge that there was an actual cook on the crew that would take over for him left Alastor with the impression of well, might as well give the boy what he wants for now, comforted by the implicit deadline. Since he’d cooked for him the first time, Luffy had become prone to hounding him for more rather than searching for the kitchen. Which Alastor should find annoying, but somehow came to hold a strange pride over a lesser used talent of his being appreciated.

When it turned out that the first two members he’d located included the chef –a shade having seen them after a particularly large brawl of theirs destroyed the majority of a street in Imp City, surely there couldn’t be that many kick-based and multiple sword wielding sinners with an undying feud wandering about– he even found himself feeling a tad… slighted, at how easily the boy could replace what was clearly a highly valued service of his. As illogical as it was, considering the entire reason why he’d offered to search for the crew had been to alleviate his own burden in dealing with the captain.

It was later the same day after he’d sent out his message that the two arrived at the doors of the hotel. Alastor had noted from a distance that the cook had literally tied a rope to the swordsman’s wrist, tugging the man back into step like an unruly dog as soon as he attempted to wander. The rope was quickly cut into tiny pieces by a flash of a blade as soon as they’d made it to the past the gates, but it was a concession that he’d allowed the leash for a long enough time to make it to the hotel.

Luffy burst into excitement at Alastor’s mention of his crewmates’ arrival. He ran down from the radio tower so fast that he’d managed to beat Charlie to answering the door. Alastor manifested himself from a shadowy pool not too far from the entryway, watching with a neutral smile as the captain stretched out his arms wide enough to wrap around both men in one giant hug, grin just as huge on his face. And for all the chef and first mate came off as surly and boorish in his initial impressions of them, they also had an open grin at the reunion, catching the boy and returning the hug without complaint.

The good mood didn’t last too long, though…

“ZORO! SANJI! You guys were together this whole time?! That’s so funny! Ahahaha!”

In an instant, the two smiles were gone. Replaced in full by the glares the two men sent each other. When the swordsman scoffed, he moved to try and pull Luffy further towards himself and away from the cook. The cook was clearly not pleased, keeping a firm grip that stretched the boy out between them.

“Yeah right– the cook’s been nothing but a pain in the ass! Every time a woman so much as walks down the street I gotta deal with his pathetic drooling!”

“Right back at ya, sword for brains! Who the hell do you think even got us to this shitty hotel?! Cause it sure wasn’t you!”

With a quiet gasp, Charlie murmured sadly to an annoyed looking Vaggie, “Our hotel isn’t shitty, is it?”

It was like the flip of a switch. One second, the chef was in a glare off fighting over the captain, the next, he was standing before the two women to bend in a full bow. Luffy had been released to suddenly snap back at the swordsman, who fell over in a yelp at the abrupt change in force.

Now that the two weren’t fighting, Alastor was more able to focus on the appearance of these two new pirates. Sanji was still blond with “swirly eyebrows”, just as Luffy had described to him but with one eye covered by bangs. However, he now also had a somewhat insect-like appearance. His face featured a blueish skin tone but based on the look of his hands, it seemed to bleed into black at some point on the limbs. His legs were very prominent from what could be seen with the full pants of his black suit, akin to a grasshopper perhaps? The most bug-like feature added however were the two antennae that poked out from his hair, which curled into a pattern similar to the man’s eyebrows.

“I deeply apologize for such a rude comment about your hotel, Your Highness. Surely, no hotel run by a Princess as lovely as yourself could ever be anything short of extraordinary!” his voice was absolutely simpering as he looked up. Pink hearts had morphed out of his pupils and irises to take up most of Sanji’s eyes. When he reached out to take one of Charlie’s hands into his own, either ignorant to or ignoring the way her smile turned awkwardly uncomfortable, Vaggie glared so hard at the gesture that Alastor wouldn’t be surprised if literal daggers formed from the look alone.

“You truly are a lady born of angelic kindness to have let my mannerless monkey captain stay in your delightful presence! I can’t thank you or your equally lovely friend here enough– ”

Sanji was forced to let go of the hand in a swift withdrawal when a spear slammed down into the spot he’d been standing in seconds prior. Vaggie stepped in front of her paramour with a scathing scowl and tone, “Hands off bud! That’s my girlfriend you’re talking to, so you better tone down the flirting before I tone it down for you by cutting your throat out!”

“V-Vaggie, please don’t– ! Calm down…”

Rather than react in anger towards the threat or even disappointment at hearing both the women were taken, after the chef blinked at them a couple of times, the hearts in his eyes grew even brighter. Sanji cupped his hands together as his body began to wriggle in place like a worm, for lack of a better description. He exclaimed in full approval, “Of course~! Of course such wonderful beauties wouldn’t want anything to do with any ugly, horrid men– The love between two delicate ladies must be the purest form of love in all of life and death <3!!! I would never dream of interfering with such a wonderous thing! Such enchantment! Such grace! I just can’t help but admire– ”

The chef was summarily cut off as he was thrown into the back of the loveseat in the living room, having been punted by the back handle of a sword. Alastor was pleased to see the inflicted violence.

The attacker in question came forward before the group. Roronoa Zoro had a fairly intriguing demon form, featuring an extra set of muscular arms and two extra heads that sprouted from his thick neck and were faced perpendicular to his center head. While his main head held a mostly normal face besides one of his eyes being closed with a scar running through it, the other two only had wide mouths that seemed to match the expression of the main mouth. Alastor vaguely remembered there to be a demonic deity in mythology with a similar multi-arm and head design, though he was guessing the green-tinted skin was derived from the man’s hair and not the Asura theme. Most of the green chest, including the slash of a scar that ran diagonally across, it was visible due to the man’s darker green robe-like attire.

“What you’re doing is the opposite of thanking them for helping Luffy! Sorry about him. When it comes to women, he’s dumber than even Luffy,” Zoro huffed in full irritation before respectfully adding, “And thanks for putting up with our captain, by the way. I know he’s a handful at best, and it looks like he’s already gotten into a fight before we were able to meet up…”

The swordsman frowned at Luffy’s stitched scar at that last statement, evidently displeased. Luffy just smiled up at his first mate, not put off in the slightest. “It’s okay, Zoro! Even if you were here, I wouldn’t ‘ve let ya help with the fight. I had to prove to Alastor I was strong enough to be his captain!”

“Oh, uh– ” Moving to place herself in front of a now only slightly miffed ex-angel, Charlie smiled somewhat awkwardly at the newcomer, “Thank you for your gratitude, really! But Luffy’s actually helped us a lot too, so it goes both ways. And since he recruited him, Alastor here has been the one looking after him the most! He even patched him up and everything.”

“Yeah! Alastor’s great guys! He’s on the crew now!”

Alastor spoke up at the captain’s unintentional que, tone full of fake pleasantries, “Yes, quite. I am known as the Radio Demon by most of Hell. I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you both, but that impression has already been fully ruined. It seems we will be working with each other for some time, though, so I will do my best to gain a tolerance as to the more unbearable aspects of your personalities!”

At that, the swordsman turned to him with an examining look. Even the cook picked himself up to approach. Alastor stretched his grin wider and sharper. The two looked him over in a serious glance before Zoro smirked and asked, “You’re one of those Overlords, aren’t you?”

They actually seemed to be anticipating a response, so he replied, “Why yes, that I am! Does that fact displease you?”

“Hell no. You heard him, swirly brow, pay up!” Holding out a hand towards the other man, a mean smirk cut into Zoro’s face. Sanji cursed at the sight of it as well as Alastor’s answer. “Even I can’t believe you were stupid enough bet against Luffy asking one of those guys to join! He was bound to ask one ‘a these demons and they’re supposed to be the strongest of the non-Hellborn!”

“Yeah well, that’s cause I was betting on the bastard asking a demon that’d be the worst case scenario for me, which were literal cannibals! In comparison to that I’d take an Overlord any day!”

Just as the man began riffling through his pockets, Alastor felt his grin grow even wider in amusement. He was all too happy to chime in, “Oh~ in that case, you’ve called the bet too early. For you see, while I am not of the cannibal race, I am indeed also a cannibal! So you were both correct in your guesses!”

Sanji smirked while stuffing his money back into his pockets. The swordsman balked at the shift, “Hey! What’re you playin’ at cook?! That doesn’t count! Give me my winnings!”

“Are you deaf now, mosshead? He clearly said he’s a cannibal! How does that not count! I don’t owe you shit! …Shit,” only then did the chef seem to process what he’d said. Switching to pulling out a cigarette, he looked back at Alastor in a harsh grimace. “Please tell me you can eat more than just people. If you can’t I’m gonna wring that stupid captain’s neck, I swear...”

Luffy ignored the threat entirely, just laughing his head off at the apparent bet and byplay going on. Alastor wasn’t sure what was more hilarious, the fact that the possibility of the captain recruiting a demonic Overlord or cannibal was great enough that his crewmates would bet on it, or the fact that both bets had been right. With a curious, mocking hum, Alastor questioned, “And if I were to say I cannot…?”

Sucking in a breath of his now lit cigarette with the air of a seasoned chain-smoker, Sanji released a swirling puff of smoke in a total sigh of exasperation, “I would have to learn how to cook in ways I really don’t want to. But I’m only making that kinda stuff if you honestly can’t go without it, otherwise you can get it for yourself however you usually do. Even if I’d hate it, I’m the cook. I can’t let anyone on the crew starve like that.”

…Well, even if the rest of his personality is absolute disgusting garbage, at least the man takes his job seriously. Even theoretically agreeing to cook human flesh when one wasn’t included to such depravity was a considerable accommodation.

Even still, Alastor was a spiteful demon, so he let the guy stew in silence for another twenty seconds before admitting, “ …No, I also hold a preference for Louisiana Creole cuisine as well as venison!”  

The chef deflated in obvious relief. “Thank god– You shitty red-eared bastard, you really made me wait that long to answer that?!”

“I do prefer my venison raw if that helps. I usually partake in it straight off the carcass, one whole carcass per sitting!”

“You want me to serve UNPREPARED MEAT?!” he shouted that as though he found the concept to be just a step below the offense of serving human remains, “You shitty piece of– Fine! I’ll make it rarer than blue but I am not going without adding some seasoning or something! Zeff would kill me in a heartbeat if he knew about this, I can just feel it! Show me some recipes of what you like if you have them too.”

In a clear side-eye, the swordsman questioned, “You complain about that old man beating your ass for that but not the offer to cook people?! Don’t ya think that’d be worse for him considering the whole eating his own leg to give you all the food when you were starving thing– ”

They blurred into action in an instant. Three swords were drawn, two held in strong arms while one of shining white angelic steel was in Zoro’s main mouth, countering the kicks of three separate legs. Sanji had grown out a second set of jet-black legs, similar to a grasshopper’s hind legs just as Alastor had thought. He leaned firm onto one leg while the other three kicked the swordsman in a mess of black afterimages. Along with countering them all with his blades, Zoro grew out a third set of arms to complete the Asura image, hands pulling at more of the scabbards that were split between his hip and back to bring the number up to the nine swords total.

“Dammit cook, you really wanna go now?! I’ll get out more swords if I have to!”

“Why’re you acting like the offended one here after you brought THAT up!!! Are you really that much of a dumbass?! And I still can’t believe you made us work up money to get even more shitty swords! Who the hell uses nine swords?!?!”

“I got nine places to hold ‘em so why wouldn’t I get nine?!”

“Charlie! My magic felt a fight broke out, who’s attacking the…” having emerged from a swirl of magical fire, Lucifer stopped short at the sight of the confrontation. He stood beside the stunned faces of both Charlie and Vaggie, one stunned in shock while the other in growing outrage. “Hey– Hey! You’re breaking the furniture! Stop that! …Please!”

Predicably, the cursing duo completely ignored the King. Alastor was very amused to see that the two were, in fact, wrecking the furniture the King had picked out. After this, he’ll finally be able to replace everything along with the couch he’d already switched out! Looks like these two are good for something after all! Luffy also seemed unmoved by the raging conflict. That is, until Cherri jumped out from where she’d initially hidden behind the bar top, Husk and Angel watching her leave their relative safety with wide eyes –had they always been here? These Straw Hats are just so distracting that he truly hadn’t noticed!

“Stop it you bloody bastards! Pen’s painting’s over there!”

At the angered feminine cry, the cook immediately stalled in the middle of a stalemate with the many swords. The swordsman was about to press the advantage when two stretched out hands grabbed the both of them by the back of their collars. Luffy tore them back away from where they’d been precariously close to running into the painting of Pentious that Charlie had commissioned after the Extermination battle. His arms retracted with so much force, the two went straight over his head and through a wall, landing them outside the hotel once again.

“Shitty captain– ”

“Luffy– !”

“No!” Alastor was internally surprised by the insistence in Luffy’s voice. The captain moved to stand over the rubble he’d made of the drywall and wood to stare down his two men, both hands planted on his waist.

“The snake captain is their treasure! So you can’t ever break it, and you were about to! No fighting in there! …And not by the cool dragon statue also! Or in Al’s mystery radio tower!”

Luffy turned towards Alastor with an expecting gleam in his eye, clearly looking to be praised for thinking ahead enough to include his studio on the list of things to not break. And Alastor did have to admit, it was more than he’d typically expect from the monkey. A pleased hum was all Alastor needed for the boy to beam at him.

Pirates dumb and dumber finally gained properly chastised expressions at their captain’s reprimand. Alastor doesn’t see the boy as the type to do that sort of policing often, so when it does occur it must be a particularly shameful thing. Zoro sneered and averted the gaze of his singular eye, while Sanji winced both at Luffy and at the various displeased expressions of the ladies behind him. They murmured in accidental unison, “Sorry…”

After nodding in satisfaction, Luffy turned back towards Charlie, who was touched at the boy’s protection over their “treasures” of the Pentious painting and Dazzle’s statue, and Vaggie, who’s squinty-eyed scowl had only deepened. Lucifer, still next to his daughter, switched from wincing at the interior and wall to wincing at the scar on Luffy’s chest. It was the first time he’s been around since Alastor had removed the boy’s bandages.

“Awwww~ Thanks Luffy, that’s so sweet of you!”

“You really couldn’t do that until AFTER they destroyed almost the entire lobby?! Or without destroying the wall along with it?!?!”

“Oh… my bad,” glancing down at the rubble again, Luffy turned back to Vaggie with a grin as he suggested, “It’s okay Veggie, Franky or Usopp can fix it when they get here!”

“And when’s THAT going to be?!”

“Now now, dear– I can simply fix it up as usual,” Alastor chimed in. Tapping his cane on the ground twice, he summoned a number of shade minions who got right to reconstruction efforts. As he glanced back at where the two unruly pirates were getting up and brushing debris off themselves, though, he felt his grin pull taunt as his eyes narrowed in displeasure. “I must say, though… I have the sinking suspicion bringing the captain’s crew into the fold is not going to result in the reprieve I had been hoping for.”

Cherri Bomb strut over to give him a doubtful side-eye as she snarked, “Ya think? How many more ‘a these guys are there anyway?”

“Not including these two and the captain himself, seven more to go.”

“SEVEN?!” Husk cried in outrage while withdrawing from his hiding place. Slapping a hand over his eyes, he groaned, “I don’t know how else to say this Princess, but I think this new hotel of ours ‘s gonna need some more remodelin’ in the future again. There ain’t no way it’s gonna survive ten ‘a these dumbass pirates!”

“The free rent was nice while it lasted. Knew it was too good ta stick ‘round forever…” Angel sighed in preemptive mourning.

Blinking at the group in full innocence, Luffy spoke up, “Huh? Nah, you guys got it all wrong. Zoro ‘n’ Sanji are the worst when it comes to fighting! No one else’s gonna break anything! Most of the time!”

“Except for yourself?” Alastor questioned knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

“ …Yeah!” At least he’s self-aware.

“So in other words, by having all three of you right off the bat, we’ve achieved the worst possible starting order of gathering your crew?”

“Yeah, probably!”

Placing both her hands over her face, Vaggie let out a long, pained groan.

With a mocking hum of consideration, the King glanced over at Alastor with a smirk that had his gaze sharpening once more. “You know… I’m kind of impressed. You somehow managed to find yourself a group of people who may actually be even more of a nuisance than you are! Good luck with that I guess! Ha!”

“How curious, I was just about to say that my distaste for the swordsman and especially the chef almost rivals my distaste for you! Almost, but not quite. Despite them being as annoying as buzzing insects, you are somehow still worse!”

“ …Oh!” Luffy’s shout of realization had everyone looking over at him. He pounded his fist down into an open palm as an idea seemed to strike him. And when he directed an excited grin straight at Alastor, he quickly braced himself to dread whatever inane thought would come from that mouth. “I knew you and Lucy reminded me of somethin’! You guys ‘re like Zoro ‘n’ Sanji! Except ya don’t actually fight fight! Isn’t that funny?! Haha!”

Alastor balked in synch with Lucifer, the both of them instantly horrified by the comparison. What was even more enraging was the resounding hum of consideration and agreement of the rest of the hotel residents.

“Now that ya mention it…”

“Ooooh…”

“Well ain’t that a fuckin’ riot!”

He found himself on the defensive, “I beg your pardon? No, certainly not! After all, we’ve never destroyed hotel property in our very reasonable disagreements.”

“Hate to agree with this guy but he’s right. I would never inadvertently cause Charlie this much distress by starting a fit!” it only took Lucifer three seconds before he realized what he’d said was a completely provable falsehood, and he quickly shifted tactics, “ …I would never start an actual fight with the busboy unless he started it first!”

“Can you be more unconvincing?” scoffing at the King’s pathetic efforts, Alastor bolstered his own stance, “I’m sure that with certain circumstances, me and His Majesty here would find ourselves aligning on some shared goal. Despite those two supposedly being on the same crew, I can’t see them doing the same.”

At that, Sanji stepped forward to complain, “Oh please, what do you think we were doing when our captain was risking his life against every other megalomaniac on the sea? They called us the Wings of the Pirate King for a reason!”

“We also both agreed on the returning to the living world to kill Akainu thing,” Zoro casually stated this as though that was a completely normal thing to find common ground on, before shifting to speak to the captain, “Oh by the way, Luffy, we met up with Trafalgar down here. Helped him with another kill Doflamingo plan. We called him up with where you are, so he’ll make his way over eventually.”

Beaming brighter than a shooting star, it almost seemed like Luffy’s eyes gleamed with actual stars at the news. “Traffy?! Really?! Wow! Thanks Zoro!”

“Hey! I was there too!”

“ …Just ta be clear, are ya thankin’ ‘em for the meetin’ this person thing, or the killin’ people thing?” Angel asked in a drawl, his head tilting in confusion at the mixed messaging.

Face scrunching up, it seemed like the captain had to actually think about the answer. “Uh… Both I guess!”

“Course ya were…”

“YES!!! It’s a bad boy!”

When Niffty came scurrying through, the cook moved out of her way in consideration. Leaning over to coo, “Look at this little Miss! Such a cute lady– ”

“I don’t like you.” The shut down was as brutal as it was immediate. Sanji seemed to freeze over, stuck in his doting expression even as Niffty quickly bypassed him to head straight towards Zoro. The swordsman pulled out one of his swords again in jolting alarm.

“Now you– You’re a bad boy, aren’t ya? Eheheheh~ ”

Alastor just managed to dissolve and remanifest out of the shadows in time to pick up his wayward maid and pull her away from the sword that embedded itself in the spot she would’ve run into directly in front of the wary man.

“Darling come now, this brute is not a bad-bad boy, but a good-bad boy. He has to be if he’s part of the captain’s following.” Ignoring Niffty’s whine of disappointment, Alastor smiled pleasantly at the trigger-happy swordsman, who examined the both of them in obvious suspicion. “I do apologize on dear Niffty’s behalf, but I must request that you restrain yourself. Lest you find battles you did not intend to start… Perhaps you can cool yourself down with a refreshing alcoholic beverage provided by Husker over there?”

“It’s Husk!”

After an extended stare off, Zoro tsked as he deemed the conflict not worth keeping up and made his way to the bar. Only to have to duck at one last kick by Sanji at the offense of having targeted a woman. Alastor placed Niffty down with a quick pat on the head to raise her mood and get her back to scurrying around the place. It was then that she noticed the state of the room and began screeching about the mess. Meanwhile, satisfied that the place was getting cleaned up and the wall fixed, Charlie and Vaggie hesitantly left to prepare some rooms for the new arrivals.

While the swordsman demanded beer from the very annoyed barkeep, the cook finally stopped bickering with the other man to familiarize himself with the kitchen. He cursed at Alastor to follow him to get started on learning his recipes and cursed at Luffy to not follow.

With great hesitation, Alastor manifested the recipe book he had complied for himself. Only handing it over with an explicit threat, “If you lose or damage this item in anyway, the dear captain won’t be able to find your body because it’ll be in my stomach!”

Sanji leaned back with a curse at the sight of Alastor cracking his neck to the side as his form distorted for a split moment to match the distortion of his voice. Not scared, but startled by the sudden jump scare. He scoffed at Alastor once he took the book in hand and the demon’s appearance returned to normal, “Shitty demons with their shitty posturing– I’m not gonna do anything bad with it!”

After the cook began reading through the pages, however, a gleam of genuine interest caught in his eye. Sanji didn’t look away from his rifling as he questioned, “This is food from where you were when you were alive, right? We have similar dishes but not quite the same style. Did you put these together yourself?”

“Not quite. They are derived from what I remember of my mother’s recipes. Though I do confess I’ve never been able to get anything just right. She must’ve had a secret ingredient or two.”

With how confrontational the other had proved, Alastor halfway prepared himself for some sort of jeering about being a “mama’s boy”. But instead, Sanji just nodded at the comment. “Alright. In that case, can you tell me what you remember from her cooking that you think your version is lacking in? I can try making some adjustments to see how it turns out.”

“…If you insist.”

Along with grilling him about the recipes –what an unintentional knee-slapper that one is– the cook also thoroughly asked after how Alastor would take his venison. Specifically, he had Alastor clarify what exact parts of the carcass he would consume outside of the meat itself –no need for the skin, guts, antlers, hooves, or larger bones, but he did enjoy snacking on the eyes, tongue, heart, and thinner bones, and the brain was a delicacy. He also liked drinking the blood on occasion. When Alastor questioned why the other needed to know, the cook firmly stated that nothing that need not be wasted went without use in his kitchen. Sanji also asked after any food allergies –none that he was aware of.

He finally directed Alastor out of the kitchen after that, stating that he’d try making a venison broth with the marrow but that it wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow. In an attempt to gain an upper hand, Alastor conjured a fresh, unbutchered deer carcass onto the counter, pestering a mock of a question asking as to how he’d expected to prepare venison without a deer to work with. However, instead of getting annoyed, the man actually looked pleased to have received the corpse. When he casually thanked Alastor for the contribution, the demon was quick to divert himself from the situation.

A couple hours later, supper was called. Everyone was vaguely surprised to find that the chef had cooked for them too, Charlie insisting that it hadn’t been necessary and grateful in turn. After going stupidly gaga for a bit, Sanji brushed off the idea of not cooking for everyone as though the thought was a crime against humanity. Noting the plethora of chicken, beef, fried foods, and Luffy’s starry-eyed drooling face, it was clear to Alastor that the man had whipped up a collection of his captain’s favorites without having been asked, along with a proper balance of more healthy side dishes to go along with the meal. The captain wasn’t alone in his excitement, everyone except for the swordsman were gazing at the spread in obvious desire. Even Vaggie’s previously unimpressed visage wiped away into blank shock at the delectable dishes.

None of this surprised Alastor, but what was shocking was when the chef carted over a particularly large tray along with a couple of smaller dishes to place directly in front of him. Catching his curious stare, Sanji just shrugged it off. “I don’t usually prepare separate meals like this, but you fed Luffy while I wasn’t able to. This is my thanks for that. It was a good chance to try out how to make the kind of food you like anyway.”

One by one, the chef uncovered the dishes and listed them off. While the other two pirates and Niffty had already moved onto shoving food onto their plates and into their mouths, the rest of the hotel residents were unabashedly staring at Alastor’s custom meal.

“Lightly marinaded venison tenderloin, flank, shoulder, neck, rump, and upper leg, bone-in where appropriate and left blue. Venison backstrap tartare. Venison brain tartare. Venison eye, tongue, and heart marinated in a blood-based sauce. Juice made of clarified venison blood, bloody mary style sans alcohol. And lastly, jambalaya prepared as indicated with the exception of slight variations. You better be able to eat as much as you say you can because I don’t allow leftovers. This is almost as much as Luffy eats, you know.”

“How… How does it look so horrifyin’ yet good at the same time???” Angel’s whispered commentary was shushed by Husk, who was too caught up in watching Alastor’s reaction to participate in the byplay.

Alastor had to keep himself from gawking at the marvelous display. Feeling the pressure of many eyes on him, he cut a piece off of the main dish, which while the deer had clearly been deboned in most areas, had been carefully preserved in the shape of a skinned corpse. Just the way Alastor preferred but hadn’t bothered specifying when explaining everything earlier, seeing as the vast majority of people wrote that preference off as an unappealing taste of his. He took a bite of neck meat. Then of the two different tartare. Then cut off and tried a bit of the heart and tongue and half an eye. Then ended the venture with a gulp of blood to help smooth it all down his throat. Gently placing the glass back on the table, he stared at it all for a brief moment.

This is the best meal he’s ever had. The only thing to possibly top it was his mother’s cooking, and Alastor recognized he may be biased in that judgement.

Belatedly, he realized that Luffy’s comment of “almost as good as Sanji’s food” was actually a very, very high bar for a compliment. He also realized that the chef declining cannibalistic meals is a huge loss. Oh, what this man would’ve been able to do with human flesh. Dear Rosie would’ve been ecstatic!

The food is so good that he has to concede, “This is… quite impressive. Very impressive, dear chef. I’m honored by the efforts you put into providing such a high-quality banquet for myself. I’m also impressed that the good captain actually managed to recruit such a skilled chef for his little pirate crew.”

With an uptick of a lopsided grin, Sanji replied, “Thank you. I enjoyed the challenge, actually. I don’t usually get to use most of these cuts, so it was nice to be able to put them to good use. Let me know if the jambalaya isn’t what you’re expecting, though, and I’ll make a note of what to change for next time.”

“Based on the venison I’d say you likely couldn’t have gone too far off the mark…” Even still, as he brought a fork full of the equally delicious looking dish to his serrated teeth, Alastor prepared himself to find anything, absolutely anything down to the most minor detail that he might be able to nitpick about.

He took a bite, then another. Then sat there for a second.

Abruptly, Alastor stood from his seat, stepping away to push the cook by his back to leave the dining room for the privacy of the nearby hallway.

“Wait wait wait– Don’t kill ‘em! This ’s the best chicken I’ve had in– in ever!!!” Angel cried out as he stood up from his seat, reaching out dramatically with multiple hands. Apparently, he had sampled some of the main course while Alastor had been in the midst of his own taste testing.

He growled back without patience and without stopping, “I’m not going to kill him! I just want to talk!”

“ ‘M pretty sure that’s what they all say,” Lucifer snarked just before taking his own bite. His exasperation immediately melted into awe as he looked down at the beef skewer he’d just tried to say, “Holy shit…!”

“It’s ‘kay,” Zoro spoke through a mouthful of food. The cook did a 180 to yell back fuck you mosshead! before Alastor was able to fully push him into the shadowy hiding spot.

With a heavy, irritated sigh, Sanji brought out a cigarette while probing, “Alright, what’d I do wrong to get you into such a shitty mood?”

Alastor clawed at his hair by the roots, face likely falling into the beginnings of insanity.

“Nothing! It’s PERFECT! Exactly how she used to make it! What black magic is this?! How did you do this when you’ve never even tasted the real thing?!”

In a slow blink, the chef lowered the cigarette he’d been about to light, annoyance wiping away into an empathy. He switched out his choice of addiction with a piece of paper that he handed to Alastor. Accepting it without thought, Alastor saw that it was a copy of the same recipe he’d provided the other with additional bullet notes on the side.

“Usually I wouldn’t be able to get it so close, you’re right. It’s only because your explanation of what it tasted like was so detailed that I could make strong estimated guesses based on the flavor profile you described.” When Alastor’s wide-eyed gaze finally moved back to Sanji, the chef gave him a somber, sincere look.

“I know the value of food, Alastor. I know the value of a homecooked meal, and I know the value of a mother’s love. I would never even contemplate trying to cook something so cherished without the full intention to do right by your memory of them. As soon as you handed me those recipes, I was dedicated to fulfilling them to the best of my ability. And the reason why I’m able to do that is because they’re important to you. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done to land yourself in this shitty Hell; if Luffy says you’re crew, you’re crew, and I have an obligation to my Nakama to make sure they never find their food wanting. Even for Zoro, though he doesn’t appreciate it damn well enough…”

He… didn’t know how to respond to that.

After giving him a short moment, the cook turned Alastor around to guide him back into the dining room, sighing, “If you need to take the jambalaya to go, that’s fine. Just finish everything else for now. I was serious about the no leftover food thing.”

“ …I don’t imagine that would be an issue with the captain around.”

“It’s not,” the statement was spoke with such an obvious grin, Alastor didn’t even have to glance over at the other to see it in his mind, “When I first met that idiot, I hadn’t seen myself leaving the Baratie to join a still no-name pirate crew, but I have to say… There’s nothing a cook likes more than when a person wholeheartedly enjoys their food and asks for seconds. Or at least that’s what it’s like for me.”

Alastor cleaned up the rest of his plates, after that. Ignoring the borderline inappropriate sounds most of the hotel residents made as they devoured the feast. At one point, Angel Dust called out asking if Luffy’s crew got to eat like this for every meal of every day, and if so, ‘s yer crew lookin’ ta recruit a whoreboy– He didn’t get to finish the line, Vaggie using the staff end of her spear to tilt the spider’s seat to clatter onto the floor along with the spider himself. When Luffy asked after what he’d said, both Charlie and Husk pretended like there was nothing that’d been said. At a later point, Cherri Bomb posed the genuine question of if I let ya bang me will ya cook somethin’ this good for breakfast for me? To which Sanji flew back out of his seat in a concerningly large spurt of a nosebleed and promptly passed out in the most pathetic manner possible. Zoro scoffed that as long as she asked, the idiot cook would do that for her regardless of if she slept with him, which Cherri looked pleased with.

As supper wound down, Alastor moved through the shadows to head back to his quarters, taking his last remaining dish with him. Even as he set it on the small table in front of the fireplace and sat down, though, he hesitated. Staring down at the jambalaya… it did look exactly as his mother’s had, now that he really looked at it.

It’s just a plate of food, how could this possibly be so daunting? What is he even waiting for?

His frustration was interrupted by the sound of the door slamming open. Alastor jolted upright at the sudden disruption to the previous silence, ears twitching back and straight once more in a blink of a movement. He turned to see, as he would’ve expected if he’d given it a thought, Luffy stroll in like he owned the place. And apparently like he owned Alastor’s food as well, considering the empty plate and clean fork he held out with a confident grin.

“Can I have some? It looked sooo good and I saw ya take it all up here with ya!”

“Are you not full? Do you commonly steal the food off other’s plates after having already gorged yourself?”

“I can eat more! And yeah! I don’t usually ask though, I just steal it!”

“Even for you there should be limits to being a spoiled brat…” while drawling his complaint, however, Alastor used a tendril to shift the second plush high-back chair of the set so that it was placed behind him rather than in front of the table. He knew the boy wouldn’t complain about the strange seating or lack of table to use. When he wordlessly raised a hand to accept Luffy’s plate, the other beamed brightly at him.

After moving over a generous half of his serving, Alastor handed back the plate and Luffy sat down on the seat behind him, such that they were back-to-back with a tad of space in between. At the sound of the boy happily chowing down, Alastor sighed, before finally taking a bite of his own plate.

The savory flavor drew out memories of earlier, simpler times. A mealtime favorite. A mother’s smile. The young boy who smiled back at her. One who had yet to fall into depravity…

–She’d be disappointed, wouldn’t she? What did she think of him once the police investigated the circumstances of his death and found all the remains of his victims? It would’ve been deserving for him to have never tasted her food again …–

When he took another bite, and then another, his eyes stung. Vision slightly blurred by wetness, not enough to make full tears but enough to bead at the corners. Alastor had to remove his monocle to roughly wipe a sleeve over both his eyes, utterly annoyed at the reaction.

“By God– it’s just some jambalaya! Am I truly such a pathetic creature to be brought down by this?!” Slamming the hand in a fist down beside his plate hard enough to rattle the table, his other went back to feeding himself. “He’s just a lecherous womanizer! How can that cook have such an awful personality and manage to make her food?! How can he cook her food when I can’t?! And I can’t even kill him for it since it means I would lose out on his future meals!”

Half-way giggling behind him, Luffy chimed in so happily Alastor could hear the smile in his voice, “Sanji’s weird sometimes, but he’s always really kind! You can taste it in his food!”

“Yes yes, I’m well aware of how much you prefer his food over mine! I can no longer hold it against you now that I know what I’m being compared to.”

“Huh? That’s not what I said. I like Sanji’s food cause it’s Sanji’s, and I like Al’s food cause it’s Alastor’s! I like it when ya cook for me too! You’re still gonna make stuff for me sometimes, right? I’ll be sad if ya stop!”

As he finished spooning the last of the meal into his mouth, Alastor again rubbed at the tears budding in the corners of eyes. His cheeks ached at the forceful pinch of his stiff smile.

And just when he’d gotten himself under control again. This boy pulls at his strings with such ease, perhaps he truly is not but a ragdoll within his hold…

“You don’t gotta smile if ya don’t wanna.”

“Don’t lOoK at me. Why are you even here?”

“ ‘M not! I just know you’re smilin’ cause Alastor always smiles. And why wouldn’t I be? Food always tastes better when ya eat with friends! And cryin’ alone is the worst thing ever…”

Alastor tensed at the feeling of the monkey’s tail curling lightly around his abdomen. Glancing over his shoulder as much as he could without actually twisting his neck, he saw that the boy was leaning back into his seat with his hat pushed forward so it was partially over his eyes.

“Gonna take a nap now. Food’s makin’ me sleepy…”

“ …Your bed is right over there, you know.”

It was a halfhearted protest at best. Taking a deep breath as the side of his head brushed against his chair’s backrest, Alastor’s hand ran itself over the furry black tail in his lap. It left a soft, warm sensation against his palm.

If the boy didn’t wake up in twenty minutes, he’d move him over to the bed anyways… But only after twenty minutes.

Chapter Text

Filthy, trash-filled alleyways were a common sight in Hell. Almost as common as the wretched sinners that inhabited the cesspool. They scurred about the place like disgusting insects, fully indulgent in their hedonism and vice. This Hell is the exact image of a world abandoned by Heaven and its justice.

The pitiful suffered. The powerful thrived. The people feasted upon each other in ways that were both metaphorical and not, some even falling to the utter depravity of consuming human flesh. Condemned to Hell for their sins, this most damned fate was most deserved.

But it is not enough. How could it be, when the wretched have their run of the place?

The system for their order could hardly be considered such a thing, sinners allowed to rise to the level of lords as the ruler of the world deigned to seclude himself. But what else could be expected of a failure who’d fallen from grace? No, it was clear there was no true order to this world. No true justice.

And thus, Sakazuki knew the exact reason as to why he’d been sent to this place upon his miserable death. Because his purpose could not be in the wrong– it could not be.

What had previously been a filthy, trash-filled alleyway had been melted down into molten asphalt and brick, rendered down by red-hot magma that had only just begun to cool. All that had been in the alley had melted down with it, whether it be the metal of containers overflowing with trash, the trash itself, or the flesh of sinners worth no more than the garbage they produced. Sakazuki had come to learn, however, that this method of purging was not enough. The dead could only be completely killed via the means of metal produced from the Heavens, lest they remanifest themselves to continue their evil for all of eternity.

The main distributor for weapons made of this metal was an Overlord of great renown. With enough time, Sakazuki could have earned enough to purchase the high-priced contraband, but he would never lower himself as to dealing with criminals. Certainly not. Instead, he subtly combed his way through various small or mid-time gangs as to ensure his prey remained ignorant to his intentions, enacting what limited justice he could by melting them all down into burning sulfur and ash that matched the lingering scent of Hell itself that permeated every inch of the city. Until, finally, he’d come across sinners in possession of a couple swords made of angelic steel.

The weapons were wasted on the riffraff. What may have been a danger in the hands of the strongest swordsmen of Sakazuki’s world was hardly a weapon at all in such unskilled hands. He made quick work of them, burning their warehouse, the alley beside it, and all the panicking garbage that had attempted to either fight or flee down into the molten pit that he now stood in the center of.

With three long blades of the precious metal now at hand, he melted those down as well. Blazing liquid metal mixed with the magma of his claws, and then melded into serrated teeth when his maw bit into the luminous ichor. What should be unbearable, scorching heat was nothing to his body. The melding of molten rock and metal only just sharpened into its new form, still red-hot to the touch when he reached out to grasp the neck of the only sinner he’d left alive; the leader of the pitiful excuse for a crime ring. The demon screeched in pain as burning metal claws blistered and scorched its flesh, weakly clawing at Sakazuki’s arm in vain.

The reaction just prompted him to tighten his grip even further. He ignored the demon’s cry to begin the interrogation, “Are you familiar with the Radio Demon? The Overlord who broadcasted an interview with Straw Hat not long ago.”

The boy’s voice had been just as much of an annoyance in death as Sakazuki had remembered it to be in life, an unpleasant surprise to have heard it once more. With various interrogations he’d conducted before this raid, he’d learned enough to know his most likely location, should he still be in association with the Overlord that had interviewed him, was at the hotel Princess Morningstar owned on the edge of the city. For a moment, he’d considered the benefits of invading this Hazbin Hotel, before checking himself and his rage enough to accept the fact that waging battle against the King of the Pirates was enough of a fight on its own without inviting the Morningstars into the fray. Not only that, but even with the thought of purging the family in mind, he wasn’t fully convinced of doing so. For while he provided little order, Lucifer did act as the basis of the ruling system for all of Hell even outside of the sinners. It would be remiss of Sakazuki to attempt burning down this system when he had nothing to replace it. He was not of the same ilk as those criminal Revolutionaries.

He was not in his world, without his marines to command or the world government to back his efforts. A Fleet Admiral must not only be a force of power, but a strategic mind. Though Sakazuki would admit he was not as adept at that end of things as Fleet Admiral Sengoku had been, he cannot embarrass himself by acting without common sense.

But he must wage his war. And he must initiate it now, now, now– before Straw Hat had time to gather his full crew, for Sakazuki also recognized taking on all of the Straw Hat Pirates at once was also too much of a fight, and he refused to lower himself enough to recruit any of the damned to join his cause. He knew they weren’t already all together, or else they would’ve left much more of a mark on the place. Though perhaps the Pirate Hunter and Black Leg, being the ones to have returned from the dead to strike revenge upon him, were already at their captain’s side.

Therefore, proper weapons in enact his justice now in hand, his next goal was to gather more information as to Straw Hat’s new apparent acquaintance, the Radio Demon. An Overlord who from stories told was among the most feared in all of Hell, though he would likely not be of the same level as the Morningstars or Straw Hat himself. A sinner deserving of punishment just as any. He would have more ties to this Hell than Straw Hat or any of his crew would have, with the more recent occurrence of their deaths. If Sakazuki found the right string to pull on to gain the Radio Demon’s attention, he could also gain Straw Hat’s attention in turn and lure the boy away from the implicit protection of the Morningstars.

Choking out through his sobbing, the sinner stammered, “I– I don’t know the guy but I know of him! Doesn’t everyone?! Wh-what about ‘em?!”

“Do you know of any others the Radio Demon is associated with besides the Princess? Any that are in his favor?”

The sinner shouted out an acceptable answer, so Sakazuki thanked him for his contribution. Then, he melted his claws into metallic magma, burning through the screaming demon’s neck and killing the insect for good. Because even if he’d done as Sakazuki had requested, none of the damned would face mercy at his hands.

That was the way of his Absolute Justice.

When Luffy officially retired for the night, rather than stay with Alastor, he bullied the cook and the swordsman into staying in the same suite to have a sleepover with the both of them. Alastor had half-way expected himself to be bullied into such a fate as well, but after his instant, firm rejection when Luffy asked him to come, the boy just shrugged it off and didn’t press the issue. Which he was quite thankful for. Sleeping in the same room as the captain was one thing, but throw in anyone else and he’d just end up waiting for everyone to fall unconscious before taking his leave. That being said, he’d already been getting more sleep than usual with Luffy previously insisting on his presence constantly, so Alastor didn’t feel the need to sleep that night anyway. Or the night after that, when Luffy stayed in the first mate’s newly designated suite, or the one after which was spent with the chef next door to that.

While Alastor had internally questioned whether the boy would simply choose to spend all his nights with his crewmates now that some were present, he also wasn’t surprised when Luffy showed up at his own quarters the next day. With the captain and his expectations having returned, Alastor deigned to sleep that night as well, and found himself still comforted by the added presence. Somehow despite their arrangement not having gone on for very long, he’d already become accustomed to it. Though he wouldn’t admit to that fact easily.

Throughout this time, the new additions of Zoro and Sanji, while not as destructive as they had been the first day, continued to prove themselves nuisances with their constant bickering. The cook continued to be the more irritating and distasteful of the two, but made up for the fact through his progression through Alastor’s recipes as well as the rest of his delightful meals. The rest of the hotel residents seemed to share a similar sentiment. Charlie remained discomforted by any ogling to the same amount Vaggie became enraged over it while Niffty and Cherri Bomb couldn’t care less about the man, and he’d almost lost his head when Lucifer happened to be by on one of the occasions he was interacting with the King’s daughter. But as soon as supper was called, they allowed the chef’s presence for the sake of their stomachs.

Husk switched between snarking, bickering, and being irritated at Sanji’s attitude, while Angel Dust had made some initial attempts of seduction that were fairly light-handed when it came to the porn star’s usual scale of escalation. Upon the cook’s visually disgusted reaction, however, the spider switched to angrily questioning Sanji if he was a homophobe, to which Sanji angrily snapped back that he just hated men and bugs. When Angel then snarked back “have ya looked in a fuckin’ mirror recently?”, the cook gave a very depressed “yes”, so it seemed the aversion to creepy-crawlies wasn’t feigned. Which was actually hilarious! The irony was well deserved as far as Alastor saw it, considering the man had clearly been an annoying pest to women in life as well. Death had just made the sentiment more literal. Though somehow that interaction had still managed to be the preferable of the two compared to when Angel had enquired the swordsman as to how he, quote-unquote, “got those fuckin’ enormous fat-ass man titties”. To which if it had not been for Husk’s quick maneuvering, the spider would very well have lost his head over.

Still, Alastor also tolerated the cook for the sake of his cooking. When the morning for beignets arrived, he even offered his own assistance with their making, something which excited the captain immensely. Sanji accepted the help, grumbling about how he usually didn’t permit others in the kitchen whilst he cooked but that he’d make an exception for him, unintentionally stroking Alastor’s ego with the comment.

While they began preparations, the chef posed a partly sarcastic inquiry about how he’d been shocked that the kitchen remained well stocked and that Luffy hadn’t rifled himself any rations from it. Alastor had a pleasant laugh about how that was thanks to me, you’re welcome, due to his magic hiding the kitchen from the boy’s findings. Rather than roll his eyes at the boasting, however, Sanji instead eagerly approached to shake one of Alastor’s hands, much to his own confusion.

“Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates. I take back every shitty thought I had about you joining. You hear that, mosshead?! This guy’s already more useful than you and he’s a literal cannibal demon who’s only been on the crew for less than two months!”

“Well we wouldn’t need him to hide the food if you protected your own damn kitchen!”

“YOU try keeping enough stock for ten people at sea while having to switch out the locks on the fridge and pantry every two shitty weeks when the captain finally breaks them! You’re lucky I don’t let you starve!”

“It’s not like I ever asked ya to feed me!”

“You shitty piece of– ”

“Very not sorry to interrupt, but I must say while I have the chance– I’ve not been part of the captain’s crew for that long. It’s been less than two weeks rather than months,” becoming annoyed by the shouting match occurring through the kitchen walls with one half of the offenders not even present at hand, Alastor found that point as good as any to interject about.

Sanji blinked back at him in slight surprise, clarifying, “I thought Luffy said he met you the first day he came to this shitty place? Did he not ask you right away?”

Somewhat amused that immediately recruiting an obviously malicious demon was expected behavior for the boy, Alastor drawled, “Well yes, but I certainly didn’t accept such an inane request! I only became obligated to agree once he’d won my soul from a certain person, you see, and that occurred not but two weeks ago.”

“Huh… You actually lasted a while longer than most do, then. Though not the longest technically, I think. Guess I can see you being a hard sell,” seemingly not seeing the winning his soul portion of the statement as anything of interest, the cook bypassed it to ask with a curious look, “What poor sap did Luffy beat up for that then? He must’ve been a strong one to leave a mark on him like that.”

Mockingly, Alastor chimed back with an uncomfortably sharp grin, “Has no one taught you as to the pitfalls of making assumptions? The matter will likely come up at a later date, so I might as well just tell you now; your captain defeated the Mother of Humanity Eve, who’d been in possession of the Queen of Hell’s body. From what I’ve heard she’s still on the mend, ha!”

The man stared at him blankly for exactly five seconds. Before rushing so fast out of the kitchen he moved in a blur.

“YOU SHITTY CAPTAIN!!! YOU BEAT UP THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN HELL AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OF HEAVEN AT THE SAME TIME?!?! I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS– ”

“ –And I won’t let you make a fuss concerning this matter you wretched, pathetic simpleton of a human being! Cease your incessant screeching!”

Alastor emerged from the darkness, antlers growing larger while shadowy tendrils lifted him off the ground to loom over the now fiery cook –literally speaking, as in the man was literally on fire– as he attempted to get a hold of him with more writhing shadows. It proved to be quite a difficult challenge. The other was not only absurdly fast, but also seemed to know just how Alastor would plan to move. He was only able to keep the cook from progressing by blocking off the exit of the hallway with a strong shield. The Radio Demon was a minute or two away from taking more drastic measures in his frustration when the swordsman finally deigned it worth his time enough to assist. His attacks successfully maneuvered Sanji to be cornered by Alastor’s many shadows, and once he got ahold, the still inconsolably raging man’s flailing and flaming was of no use.

All the while, Luffy just laughed his stupid little head off at the infighting. Vaggie, at the sight of the hallway having decidedly more holes and scorch marks than its previous none, was very much not laughing. Needless to say, there were no beignets that morning.

While Alastor often found himself vexed with the cook, the supposed first mate of the Straw Hats was a much more aloof character. The muscle-brained man didn’t do much outside of drinking, sleeping, training, and fighting with the aforementioned cook. The most amusing thing he’d seen the man get up to had been a drinking contest with Husk in which the cat actually had to throw in the towel to then go throw up, a rather humiliating defeat for a certified alcoholic. Especially considering Husk had obviously agreed to the trial in the first place with the intention of impressing Angel in mind. Lost the gamble on that, he did! Aha! So rather than reveling in the cat’s victory, the spider had been relegated to pitiful consoling. All the while the swordsman had just smirked at his own victory and kept drinking. Alastor was rather certain that, even if he should gain the chance, he would not wish to consume the man’s surely diseased and overworked liver. Overall, Zoro was a textbook example of a creature of simplicity.

Other than the fact that not too long after his arrival at the hotel, the man had gotten himself utterly lost in the various hallways of the building, to the point where Luffy had prodded Alastor into helping him hunt the swordsman down so he wouldn’t miss that night’s dinner. The fact that he’d been asked to do so a good five hours prior to suppertime didn’t bode well.

When he’d found Zoro all the way back in Imp City, complaining about how he supposedly hadn’t even left the hotel and demanding that Alastor fix his hotel so it made more sense to traverse through, the Radio Demon had a sudden understanding of Sanji’s unending desire to kill the idiot.

Because there was being an idiot, case in point the captain, and then there was being such a moronically inept imbecile that when someone pointed towards where the restroom was, instead of walking even in a remotely similar direction the man would straight up walk in the opposite way, then have the absolute audacity to get angry at the directions having been wrong. There must be something wrong with his brain, surely. The booze had already killed all his brain cells? Or perhaps he’d been dropped on his head as a child? Alastor would accept any sort of reasoning at all over the horrible possibility that the swordsman had just been born this stupid.

The first thing Alastor did upon finding Zoro was slap a magical seal onto the back of the man’s main neck to act as a tracker, then preemptively moved out of the way to avoid the predictable sword brandishing that followed. The building that had been behind him was not so fortunate, but that wasn’t his problem. He didn’t care how much the man barked about the matter, Alastor had no plans to play this unintentional hide and seek a second time.

He then dragged Zoro down into the darkness to reemerge in the hotel. The man once again went off about how he could’ve made it back on his own! Which at this point, not a single soul inside the building would agree with.

“I always knew we should’ve told Franky to make something to tag you with. You’re a hopeless idiot mosshead…”

“Aren’t you the hopeless one here swirly brow?!”

“Not right now I’m not! I mean really! Did you even manage to find your way up to Heaven for them to give you the offer to follow Luffy here, or did you just get lost on the way?! Actually, never mind. You were probably sent straight to Hell! You were a total shithead in life after all!”

“I didn’t get lost! The universe just put me in the wrong place!”

“ …Fucking excuse me?”

“You heard me!” Zoro scoffed back like this was a reasonable issue to get angry about, crossing two sets of arms over his chest, “I was just wandering around in this weird place where nothin’ was at, and this angel woman comes down all upset like ‘How did you get here?!’ Fuck if I know! Fix your goddamn afterlife! After that she was pissy and said Luffy was here and so I told her to send me down here, and she did a damn awful job of it since I got put right next to you!”

Alastor glared at the multi-headed man, teeth grinding together just short of audible as his smile pulled taut with an eye twitch. Part of him wanted to laugh hysterically at the absurdity, but the other half was just utter annoyed by the fact–

“You… Your shitty soul… actually managed to get lost on the way to THE AFTERLIFE?!?!”

Shaking the hopeless idiot by his labels with full violent intent, Sanji lit on fire once more. Presumably combusting of sheer frustration that Alastor empathized with.

“If you ever go anywhere alone ever again I’ll kill you myself, you shitty DUMBASS! And I’ll damn well FEED YOUR CORPSE TO ALASTOR if only so that you’re at least useful in death, you useless piece of shit!”

The Radio Demon’s mood lifted significantly at the offered possibility. Glancing over the imbecile with discerning radio dial eyes, Alastor made a show of his sharpened serrated grin. “Hmm… Too much muscle and not enough fat. But as I know the policy with leftovers, I would still gladly consume every bite to not let it go to waste! Except for the liver! Hahaha!”

“Like hell ya will!”

With a pleased grin, Luffy declared with a laugh, “Shishishi! I’m glad ya guys ‘re all gettin’ along!”

“Like hell we are!!!”

“You’re blind shitty captain!”

“I think not.”

“With every day that passes watchin’ these four, I question more ‘n’ more how this pirate crew’s supposed to be in any way functional with ‘em. And the most concernin’ part ‘bout that is it’s actually not all the serial killer cannibal Overlord’s fault…” Husk muttered to Angel at the bar, who snickered back in agreement.

Decidedly done with these people until supper, Alastor planned to head back up to his tower after this incident. Only for someone to start following him down the hall, and not the usual suspect that was the captain, who had begun pestering the cook for a pre-dinner snack.

Grin pulling sharp once more, Alastor turned his head around in a crack to look back at the man he’d just spent no less than two hours in search of. Zoro eyed the 180 head adjustment with slight disgust, but didn’t react otherwise, maintaining a mostly neutral scowl. Alastor turned his body around to match his head and took a single step towards the swordsman before stopping to rest both his hands on the mic-head of his cane set directly front and center of him. His gaze narrowed part out of curiosity and part in light intimidation. “How convenient of you to regain the ability to follow people only once your presence is no longer desired. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Zoro just stared back at him, the gaze of his single eye narrowing in turn. The two mouths on his other faces fell into deeper scowls. “I don’t know how much Luffy’s told you of the rest of us, red ears, but I was the first person he dragged into his crew. Technically the first mate, though it’s not exactly a formal position with the kinda crew he’s set up.”

“So I’ve heard. You don’t have any delusions of me referring to you as vice captain or anything similar, do you?”

“Nah, don’t care about that crap,” the man said while rolling his eye at the suggestion, ignoring Alastor’s tittering short chuckle of a reaction to continue, “The only reason I bring it up is that part of what I do is keep an eye on things that Luffy doesn’t give a shit about.”

Alastor brightened in a dark sort of way, maliciously amused such that antlers grew just a tad and his sclera darkened in contrast to the glow of his radio dial pupils. He felt the small red X on his forehead light up as he rose a hand to tap a sharp claw against his cheek in fake thought, chiming, “Oh~ In that case, let me guess– You wish to keep an eye on the very suspicious demon your captain has recently contracted! Yes, I’d say that’s a smart idea! Much smarter than I assumed you capable of considering the day’s happenings.”

“You’re the one who looks dumb here, calling me stupid when ya haven’t even figured out where you’re heading,” the reply held an undercurrent growl of irritation. Alastor’s smile pulled tighter at the insult.

Closing his eye with a sigh, Zoro’s tone leveled out once more, “Look, I know you’re supposed to be some creepy demonic Overlord or somethin’, not exactly a team player kinda guy. So no shit I don’t trust you. But Luffy’s word on who’s crew is the only one that matters, and we all trust in our captain more than anything. If he’s managed to convince you this far, you should at least get something about that. He got that wound fighting for you, didn’t he? And that must’ve meant something to you for you to fix it up for him.”

Alastor didn’t respond, merely shifting his visage back to a more normal state even as his eyes narrowed on the other. The swordsman went on unfettered, “I can tell you don’t have your full pride set on this, though. Even from that first creepy message you were calling him our captain, not yours. His crew, not yours. And let me be the first to tell ya– you’re not the first person to join that took some getting used to things after the fact. You’re gonna get there at some point. I’m just gonna make sure you don’t try anything stupid until that happens.”

“…What a confident stance you have. Almost foolishly so. The dear captain is one thing, but I couldn’t possibly commit to a promise of enjoying the rest of the company that he keeps. Especially when the first two of the set have already proven to be quite irritating,” Alastor made a show out of inspecting the sharpened tips of his claws in apparent disinterest as he sighed, “And while, yes, I will admit to having been contracted onto this crew of his, a significant part of that is out of obligation. As I told the cook previously, he won my soul in that fight he initiated, and therefore it is in his possession. So you needn’t worry of me trying anything stupid in consideration of that. Is it not enough that I respect him as a legitimate captain and God?”

“You sure like yappin’ a lot without saying shit.” Alastor failed to keep his hum of displeasure contained as he flashed a glare back up at the smirking swordsman, the man looking particularly bullish and smug. “You wanna know what I heard from all that bullshit? That you agreein’ to join wasn’t all bullshit obligation, and that if he owns your soul, it’s because you’re letting him, cause Luffy doesn’t fuck with that kinda shit.”

“Again, such confidence for matters you know not– ”

“Shut up for a second! Stop being all pissy, I’m not tellin’ ya that as an insult or anything! It’s the opposite! That’s what you don’t get! We’re all like that with him. There’s no bullshit Contract, but he basically already has my soul. Cause I’ve already dedicated everything to him. Myself, my life, my ambition; I entrust them all to Monkey D. Luffy with pride, in life and in death.”

Eyes going wide, Alastor couldn’t keep the shock of his reaction from reaching his expression. Zoro stared at him in full conviction, just as full of pride for his proclamation as he’d claimed to have. The unwavering certainty of it has Alastor… taken aback, if that was the right way to phrase it.

In Hell, it is a shameful, horrid thing to find one’s soul under the service of another. For such a state is to be powerless to protect oneself from the whims of the demon set above them, to be marked as the lesser. To see such a prideful man direct that pride towards his placement under another is a foreign sight, indeed.

“Ask any of the others, and I guarantee they’ll say the same thing. Did ya know what the cook was talking about before, saying how he’d been given the offer to follow him down here? That’s cause he was supposed to go to Heaven, but like he always does Luffy got his way and made it so we have the freedom to go to him instead. And I know that they all jumped after him without a second thought. Why the hell would we go anywhere that he wasn’t? He’s got us all actin’ stupid for that dumb grin of his, and none of us would have it any other way.”

Evidently reaching the end of his point, Zoro turned his back towards Alastor to head back the way he’d come, calling out the last nail of the coffin, “I don’t know ya well enough to say whether you haven’t reached that point yet or just won’t admit to it out loud, but it doesn’t matter. Cause either way, it’ll be the same for you, too. Just don’t get so freaked out over. You’ll have a whole crew full of people that feel the same way as you… Oh, and thanks for taking care of him while we were gone.”

He was left to watch the man’s fleeting back. Alastor had to contain an annoyed tsk at the sight of the first mate taking a wrong turn after they’d simply walked in a straight line to get to this area. He tried telling himself that it wasn’t worth his time to fret over the words of such a proven imbecile… But such denials were ultimately without merit.

After the somewhat daunting conversation, Alastor deigned to not attend dinner. Wanting to avoid the pirates his mind now turned over. Only for, in a move he should’ve seen coming, Luffy to come barging into his tower to drag him back down anyway.

He purposefully directed Alastor to a seat that was between the Straw Hats and the rest of the hotel’s residents, forcing Alastor to face the stare of the first mate as Luffy happily sat himself beside the Radio Demon in turn. Alastor attempted to keep the uneasiness in his chest bitter. However, upon seeing a main course of venison and side of tartare placed down on the table as well as beignets for dessert, he mentally cursed his own weakness as the spite increasingly dissipated.

It could not be a coincidence. The swordsman must’ve informed the chef he’d be in a bad mood, and since when could those two work together over ANYTHING? Let alone anything concerning Alastor himself? This was the very definition of conspiracy!

Not too long after, however, he would no longer find his thoughts stuck on such trivial matters. For there was a brewing storm on its way.

Right before the end of the dinner service after Lucifer had come and gone to acquire some of the cook’s meal for himself and Lilith now that his wife was awake, the entrance to the hotel burst open. Multiple people jolted in the seats at the sound, as well as the sight of the unfamiliar cannibal that ran into the dining room. When his searching, panicked black pits for eyes landed on the Radio Demon, Alastor stood up from his seat in a graceful motion.

“R-Radio Demon! Please! Overlord Rosie calls upon your aid! Cannibal Town is in crisis!”

Even in the face of the cannibal’s fretful state and news, Alastor calmly questioned, “Why, this isn’t a common occurrence. Whatever could have happened for my dear friend to send out such a drastic notice?”

“We’re under attack! At this rate, he’s gonna burn down the whole town! Madam Rosie tried dealing with him alone but– but we can’t even get close anymore with all the lava he spread through the town square! And then he took some of the kids as hostages and he’s got angelic steel– said he’ll kill them if we don’t bring Straw Hat Luffy to him!”

Alastor’s closed mouth smile pulled taunt at that. Shock resounded through the hotel residents, Charlie raising a hand to cover her mouth with a horrified expression. Three chairs scraped against the floor as all three of the Straw Hat Pirates rose in a single movement. When he glanced back at the captain, the boyish face was set into an uncharacteristically heavy glare.

“It’s Akainu,” Sanji was the one to say while lighting a cigarette, face cast in a more familiar glare of irritation, “Or at least that was his Admiral designation before they made him into Fleet Admiral. Used to be the Red Dog of the government before everything turned sideways. Just like the shitty bastard to take some damn kids hostage. He’s the one we killed off before meeting up with you guys.”

“Well, evidently he didn’t appreciate the assassination very much,” the sardonic retort was more of a sigh than quip.

“No, he would’ve gone after Luffy anyway,” Zoro interjected, tone fully serious as was his scowl, “We figured he’d make a move sooner than later, but why would he do it by goin’ after one of your allies instead of just finding Luffy?”

“I don’t believe I’d thought to mention it prior, but I did hold a publicly broadcasted interview of your captain here. If he’d heard it, he’d have known he could reach the captain through me and would likely be averse to attacking the hotel directly in consideration to the Princess’s presence.”

Baring a shark-toothed, sharp grin, Alastor had to keep his displeasure from bleeding into a growl, “How foolish of him. To think that accosting the territory of the Overlord I’m in alliance with would be the preferable of the two options! New blood indeed! Dear Charlie here is much more inclined to mercy than Rosie and I. He shall not survive the night.”

“Do– Do you need help, Alastor? Rosie and the cannibals helped us, so we should help them too!”

The Radio Demon blinked the demonic nature out of his eyes before setting them on a concerned looking Charlie, having stood up from her seat as well to make her offer. Vaggie stood next to her, nodding in firm agreement with her spear already in hand. Before he could make a decision one way or another, the captain spoke, “It’s fine. He came for me, so me and my crew will take care of it. Is that okay Al?”

It took him a second to realize Luffy had honestly requested his opinion and wasn’t just looking for a default affirmation. Alastor tried to think of how to quickly explain the politics of the situation in a way the boy’s simple mind could comprehend, “While usually I would agree… Even if he’d asked for you, he is attacking my interests as well as Overlord Rosie’s. If you are the one to take him down rather than either of us, it places us two in a rather weak light. I don’t believe tangential help would be an issue, but I’d like to request that you leave the fool to me personally.”

Luffy stared back at him blankly as he replied, “That’s fine. I was already includin’ you when I said my crew would deal with it, and since it’s your friend’s town he’s attackin’ her fightin’ is fine too. You can handle him. Zoro and Sanji already got a turn anyway. Can ya get your mystery shadow to take us there?”

“Of course.” With a streak of something dangerous and mean curling into his grin, Alastor allowed the darkness to swallow the now gathered crew.

While his original intention had been to rise them up from somewhere on the ground like usual, he quickly sensed the land to be rather inhospitable, and reformed from the shadows atop Rosie’s nearby emporium instead, beside the woman herself. As Alastor stepped forward to gaze over the edge, he had to take a moment to comprehend the chaos before him.

The messenger cannibal’s description of burning down the town, as dramatic as it’d sounded, didn’t paint nearly enough of a picture as to the disaster zone that used to be the town square. The ground was lava, like the children’s game except entirely and dangerously literal. The square itself along with the charming gazebo that had taken center stage was destroyed, the image of a volcanic pit that was still growing. The ominous glow of its molten heat cast upon the buildings closest to the epicenter as it spread, eating through homes and businesses alike to set them aflame and melt them down to mix with the liquid earth. There were only a few remains of people from what he could see, though the sight brought the assumption of greater casualties due to how quickly the flesh lit on fire, burned to ash, and melted down just the same as anything else. Anyone who’d been swallowed up earlier would’ve already been rendered to ashes by the time of their arrival. Some cannibals were in the midst of fleeing in terror, carrying young and the less abled elderly as well as they could in a run. Those closer to the encroaching magma were trapped, having climbed up to the high ground of rooftops and left to swelter in the heat, holding each other close to cry together as foundations burned and melted, death looming from below.

At the sight, the Radio Demon’s dangerous irritation evolved into murderous fury, the rage clawing at his chest and his grin. And even then… he knew his anger was likely nothing compared to the Overlord who stepped up to stand beside him. The one who’s most treasured town and people were in the midst of volcanic decimation.

“This that Straw Hat Luffy the bastard was askin’ for, Alastor? It’s good you brought ‘em, but make sure he knows who’s fight this is. I’ll be damned if this DOG thinks he can get away with using my town as his damn middleman!” Rosie’s tone was much curter than politeness dictated, outright snarling her words. The glare of her black eyes was akin to a void, staring down the attacker raised in the center of the magma without even turning to acknowledge Alastor or the company he’d brought with him, and her fists were tight by her sides, trembling with restrained rage.

The reason for her restraint, along with the difficulty of maneuvering that the lava posed, became apparent at the sight of the besieging soon-to-be dead man. With his lower half connected to and rising out of the magma, the sinner before them seemed to be made entirely of molten earth. Skin made of hardened obsidian rock was laced with cracks that showcased the red magma turning just underneath the surface, and his eyes were but the glaring glow of red. The upper portion of his body that wasn’t melded to the pit took the form of animal-like features, a long snout with sharp fangs and large hands ending in claws, both the fangs and claws gleamed the same shine that angelic steel featured. The demonic wolf held two children, one boy and one girl, under arm, claws shining angelic white with the under glow of red heat dangerously close to their crying faces. Their bodies were red and blistering in the sections the wolf was holding them, burning in from the heat even without the direct contact of the lava.

Akainu, looking up not at either Overlord but the boy that came to stand next to Alastor, snarled back like the dog he was, “Straw Hat Luffy! So you’ve come! No surprise to see the most wretched pirate of our times has decided to play nice with the damned of this realm. If you wish for me to release these hostages, you shall engage in single combat with me on the honor of your title as the King of Pirates! You escaped justice in life, tearing apart the very order of our world and those who stood atop it! And I will not allow you to escape it again in death!”

“Don’t care. Already promised Alastor he could have you, so no,” Luffy’s response was quite muted for the circumstances at play, still as blasé as ever even as he scowled at the dog.

Before Akainu could respond either with a repeat of his threat or going straight to following through, a blur of black rushed past him in time with a slicing cut of wind. The long-distance sword strike cut off the arm and side of the invader enough to cleanly pass by the children without them being touched. And in the same blink of a moment, a multi-legged fiery kick pushed back the arm while Sanji took both children into his arms, bounding away in a rushing leap onto a roof on the opposite side. Once at a relatively safer distance, he paused to shake the steaming heat and fire from his black-clad feet, but otherwise seemed relatively unharmed. Unsurprising, considering the man apparently regularly set himself and his legs on fire.

On the other side of Luffy, Zoro sheathed two blades he’d taken out. He gestured a nod towards the reforming magma man as he looked to Alastor and asked, “You got any angelic weapons you can use on him? It doesn’t seem your style.”

“Because it’s not. But I’ll get by, the mystical arts have much utility,” he dismissed the concern before speaking up to direct his words to the heated annoyance, “You’re relatively new to things down here, so allow me to explain one thing before you perish– it is most rude to ignore the Overlords you’ve directly attacked in favor of another, and the price of such an insult is your undead life!”

With a wide sweep of his mic, tracing a sigil into the air that was reflected onto the edges of the lava pit, Alastor used his shadows to feel out the edge where molten rock intermingled with the still hard ground beneath. The magma had been created from the top layer and did not permeate all the way through, though it seemed to be in the process of spreading downwards as well. He had to cut the darkness through a good number of feet into the ground to form a layer underneath.

Void set in place, magma sunk down, being swallowed up by the vastness of the dark such that neither its light nor its heat could escape. With how much of the stuff infected the town, however, Alastor recognized that even as they could see the edges of the pit retracting, eliminating all the lava would cost them some time. Especially as it seemed the man could indefinitely produce more.

The dog was evidently angered by his counter as well as the removal of his upper hand, growling wolfishly before barking out, “This darkness…! It’s like Blackbeard’s fruit, how horrid! Such is the nature of the absence of light. How curious that you would associate with a demon of a similar ilk to your rival, Straw Hat! You would truly choose to give up on a fight with me in favor of someone like him?” Is this dog still ignoring him? He truly has a death wish!

Snapping back in anger that’d only made itself known before Eve, the captain yelled bullishly, “Alastor’s nothin’ like that bastard! Blackbeard’s fruit is his, and Al’s mystery shadow is his! They got nothin’ to do with each other! And course I’d let him have the fight, he’s part of my crew!”

“You’ve recruited a demon Overlord to your crew? I shouldn’t be surprised. You were the very worse our world had to offer, born of the worst of the generation prior! Just the same as Roger’s boy! Surely he’s hiding somewhere else in this pit. I’ll find him and the previous Pirate King once I’m done with you!”

“Are you dumb? Ace’s in Heaven obviously! You wouldn’t find ‘em anyway even if ya had the chance to look!”

Bellowing out a short mock of a laugh, Akainu jeered, “You’re deluded if you truly believe that. That’s not possible! His soul was damned from the start! He should’ve never been born, just the same as how you never should have been born, Monkey D. Luffy! You’re designated an enemy of the Gods themselves! The most wretched of the damned! Your very existence itself is an unforgivable sin! One that cannot be remedied until it is erased from this world entirely! Even more than the previous Pirate King and your criminal father, there is not a soul more deserving of hatred and revilement than you!”

Each word the dog barked yanked at another string of anger inside Alastor’s chest. Yank, yank, yanking until the sound of his brewing scorn and fury laced into his radio waves. Emitting most awful ear-piecing screeches of feedback that the idiot animal down below could most definitely ear and yet still ignored.

In all his life and afterlife, Alastor cannot recall a moment of ever having heard anything more wrong than this revolting bullshit the wolf so easily spewed from his wretched mouth.

“Change of plans. Sorry to impose, dear friend, but I’LL be making the kIlLiNg BlOw this time. There are some insults that cannot go iGnOrEd.”

“ …As long as I still get my fill ‘a him.”

With that agreement in place, the Radio Demon rose into prominence. Antlers and limbs elongated to cast a looming presence, blood red radio dials set into the void of darkness stared unblinking at the rabid animal as tendrils of shadow shot out both at the magma man while lifting Alastor off the rooftop in turn. Magma was still sinking into the void beneath, but there was still enough around that he had to keep himself clear from the ground.

Akainu clawed at the darkness, but it had grown too pervasive. For every tentacle angelic claws tore through, there were already three more in place of the fallen. Until the man failed to counter them in time. As darkness wrapped itself around Akainu’s arms and claws, he formed more arms from the magma, though without angelic steel laced through their claws, and Alastor produced more tendrils from his back to wrap around those as well.

“I’ll gladly kill you in front of your captain the same way I killed his false brother! If the Son of the Sea hadn’t stepped in, I would’ve finished killing Straw Hat back then too! Just as he’d deserved!”

When the Radio Demon tried to wrap a tendril like a noose around the dog’s neck, his maw snapped at it, severing the demonic shadow with the cut of angelic steel fangs. A spurt of magma in the shape of a fist shot out at Alastor just a second later while more spurts burst out to surround him.

“The King of the Pirates Monkey D. Luffy! The Overlord killer Radio Demon! All the cannibal trash of this depraved town down to every last man, woman, and child! All the souls of the damned in all of Hell– You must all face Absolute Justice! That hotel of yours and Morningstar’s is but a pipedream! There exists no such thing as redemption! For if pestilence remains unpurged, it will infect its rot into the entirety of the world! Justice must prevail even in death!”

“Justice? What a curious concept to bring down into this pit. You, ReD dOg, must be the most deluded creature I’ve yet to encounter! What else could you be, to so completely ignore the obvious? What story have you heard of where the wolf was in the right?”

With the twirling spin of his mic, a shadowy shield laced with veridian power encased the Radio Demon. The molten earth battered against it to no avail, not even the heat being permitted to pass. Light of his sutures in full prominence, a too-stretched smile bared its fangs at the dog as a mid-sized tendril of darkness looped its way around the snout of the beast, snapping its idiotic, annoying maw shut for good.

“You were not sent here for some grand purpose. Heaven already enacts its own Exterminations as it pleases. No, YOU were sentenced to this Hell just the same as all the wReTcHeD, fIlThY sInNeRs you scorn! You are no different than any other of the DaMnEd! The true enemy of God here is YOU! If ReDeMpTiOn does not exist, then YOU are also out of reach of such mercy! For the predator has become the prey!”

Skeleton fingers clawing into the wolf from behind, the Cannibal Demon’s enlarged, fang-tooth maw swallowed whole the head of the writhing beast. The magma scorched the bone with ash gray, but with her flesh having been discarded in her transformation, her skeleton form held up its resistance to the burn. The taste of red-hot liquid rock was likely an unpleasant one along with being caustic, but his dear friend has bitten into worse during her more adventurous days.

Her fangs easily cut through the magma that made up the neck, tearing the head off entirely as she jerked back with her captured prey. Still, even with the beheading, the dog would reform if left be. And they most certainly couldn’t allow that–

“To have the insolence to call for a battle against the captain? What a miserable excuse of a joke! You are not WoRtHy to stand before such a GOD! Which is why you must instead deal with your own demonic ilk such as mYsElF. Therefore, I shall deliver onto you what it is you believe yourself to be most deserving of…!”

The Cannibal Demon had yet to swallow her mouthful because there was something in the mix she needed to be rid of before she could do so safely. In rapid succession, her skeletal bared teeth spit out the wolf’s angelic steel fangs, allowing the Radio Demon to collect them with his shadows. And on his own end, one by one, thin, dexterous inky tendrils tore off the wolf’s fingers, until each piece of his intermixed Heavenly weaponry was accounted for. 42 teeth and 10 claws total.

Therefore, 52 makeshift daggers total stabbed through the Red Dog’s chest.

The creature did not seem to bleed, only more magma spurting out to make for a strange type of gore. As each tendril of darkness carved their weapons through the body, the Radio Demon laughed and laughed and laughed, ending on a most hilariously morbid punchline–

“ –This is aBsOlUtE jUsTiCe!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!”

Up until this point, their spectators had been watching in silence. In a tone of slow realization, the swordsman still up on the roof behind plainly spoke,“ …I get the feeling maybe we should’ve actually been more worried about this guy before.”

“Mosshead I swear if that psycho looks at us right now because you’re talking I will end you before he does!” the chef unsuccessfully whispered back harshly.

Entirely unconcerned, Luffy just responded at his normal louder-than-average volume, “It’s fine guys! Alastor just got mad is all. He’ll feel better after he’s done.”

“ …How could I forget I’d signed up for a crew who’s shitty captain is also insane?! It’s not like Akainu didn’t deserve it, but how does this crazy-ass behavior mean NOTHING to you?! His friend even ate his head!”

“That cannibal’s the woman who was up here with us before.”

After a quick beat where the man presumably double checked the second Overlord on the battlefield, that was all Zoro needed to say for Sanji to do a complete 180, “Such a strong, fair lady! She was fully in the right! Oh– I hope she didn’t burn her tongue biting off that shitty bastard’s head!”

“ …I don’t think she had a tongue anymore when she bit him. And now that I’m comparin’ the two of ya directly, I can say this with certainty– You’re still crazier than red ears.”

“What the HELL did you say– ?!”

Soon, all the magma was consumed by the darkness, and Alastor banished away the void. Having returned to his more contained visage, he reappeared from shadow back atop the roof of the emporium.

And after having replaced the clothes that’d gone up in flames, Rosie made her way back up with a fresh face as well. She stood before the captain with a charming smile, politely ignoring the heart-eyes of the cook and the way the first mate scowled at the reaction despite the two pirates flanking him.

“Apologies for my poor manners before, young man. Auntie Rosie here was just in a bit of a tiff. That dog-bastard said your name enough times for me to know it, but how about we have a more proper introduction as to how ya know my darlin’ Alastor here? And what’s this ‘bout him bein’ on your pirate crew?”

“Allow me the honor my dear. You see, this lad here is the captain of his crew, the somewhat unusually named Straw Hat Pirates of which these two not-quite gentlemen behind him are a part of! He also happens to be a divine being of some kind!” Standing to the front and next to the young man in question, Alastor pointed the mic-head of his cane at the dimly smiling boy, sending the look his own pleasant smile as he happily explained, “I have recently found myself contracted to him after an extended story you likely won’t have the time to listen to today, with the summary being that the Mother of Humanity had been possession of my soul for some time and he defeated her in battle for the right to it. Worry not, for I don’t mind my current position. Though I ask that you not speak of the soul side of business around less than friendly parties.”

After a split second of hesitation, Alastor forced himself to give a proper introduction as requested, knowing that the ‘soul side of business’ would appear poorly to his friend if he didn’t confess in full, “…My dear captain is a man I hold the highest regard for, even when his youthful bullishness occasionally challenges my patience. He is someone worth following. I trust that he would never let me down should I have need of him. And to top it off, it has been quite entertaining to have him around! He brings with him the most inane sort of chaos that simply cannot be matched by any other, and I have come to revel in the discordant waves he leaves in his wake. I do not see myself leaving his company any time soon, so it is my hope that you will get along with him. Extra baggage of the other two notwithstanding.”

He could feel both undesirables smirking at him. So as was his right, Alastor covertly manifested a small tendril by the swordsman’s foot to pull out his leg, causing him to trip into the cook. They tumbled off the roof together, and a fight instantly broke out at the ground level. But that should be fine considering there was only burnt rubble and ash for them to ruin in the immediate area.

He ignored the discord to point his mic towards the cannibal, turning towards Luffy, who’s grin and eyes were practically shining with all the praise Alastor had given him. “This charming Madam here is the leader of the Cannibals and the most darling, delightful, and dangerous Overlord this side of the Pentagram– my longtime friend and ally, Rosie! We bonded over a similar sense of taste, meant in the context of various aspects such as demeanor, style, and literal. Should you do anything to embarrass me in her company and prove false the extended accolades I’ve granted you, I will be most displeased.”

“I won’t!” Luffy pouted with a bit of a whine, before he went back at beaming at the woman, “Hi! I’m Monkey D. Luffy, King of the Pirates! I’m glad I get ‘a meet one of Al’s friends! I wasn’t sure if he had any before me! Sorry ‘bout what happened.”

“And you were so very close to not immediately failing my request…”

Chiming a laugh while Alastor’s eyes narrowed in now familiar exasperation, Rosie clasped her hands together in delight. “Oh Alastor~ You’ve found such a swell fella here! Even more moxie than Princess Charlie in this one! Why– I don’t think you’ve ever spoken so highly of someone before, and we both know how much of a charmer ya are! But with the way you got angrier at the dog bastard shit-talkin’ this boy than ya had at the guy insultin’ yourself, it can’t be denied how much ya must like him. You two get on just like a house on fire, don’t ya! …Though maybe that’s not the best phrase ta be throwin’ ‘round at the moment.”

She spared a moment to glance over at the damaged town. Alastor gave his own examination, noting that the rest of the cannibals have already begun reorganizing to provide assistance to the survivors who’d had a close call. And also…

“ …Susan survived? That ugly mutt truly was a complete good for nothing. Couldn’t even kill the one cannibal that no one would’ve missed before he bit the dust! Such a shame,” Alastor sighed with the shake of his head.

“Course Susan lived. Ya could put that woman in the middle ‘a Pompeii and I’ll bet she’d just be screechin’ at the volcano for the entire eruption,” Rosie quipped with a dismissive wave and tilt of the hips, though Alastor knew she didn’t mean her sarcasm in truth the way he himself did. Any additional casualty brought on by that dog would be a bitter pill to swallow for her.

As her gaze came to narrow on him, Alastor’s frame tensed just a bit under the judging glance. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten that Eve had yer soul bit. THAT’S what’s been goin’ on when you were gone for all that time? And ya didn’t tell me?! You got some explainin’ to do after I clean things up, mister!”

He withheld a wince as he granted, “I’ll stop by for a luncheon some time. Can you blame me though, dear? It’s a rather shameful predicament to admit to.” –And while he wouldn’t admit to it, along with being hesitant to involve the woman in that sort of danger, he also had been hesitant to trust her with his weakness to such an extent– “In contrast, the matter with the captain is… a different sort of circumstance, so I have no issue speaking of it among closed circles.”

“That so…” With one lingering suspicious glance, Rosie turned away from Alastor to give an apologetic look to Luffy. “No need for the sorry darlin’. If anything, I apologize for us needin’ ta take your kill like that. It was personal for ya, right? You probably wanted to avenge that brother the bastard brought up.”

Despite the topic at hand, Luffy’s expression didn’t dim, his charming grin still in its shining full bloom. “That’s alright. I didn’t need to fight him cause Alastor was fightin’ for me!”

An inexplicable burst of satisfaction thrummed inside. It killed off the last of the animosity lingering within the dark void and dissonant static. Alastor couldn’t help but stick his chest out slightly as he twirled his mic in a showy demonstration before planting the end of it in front of himself once more, smile set onto his face with ease. “Why yes indeed! It was nothing a proper helping of extraordinary demonic violence couldn’t solve! Ahaha!”

Rosie stared at his expression for a moment, her face softening at the sight. It seemed like she was about to say something before she, as well as the rest of them, were promptly distracted by a familiar swirl of gold-red magic.

Lucifer materialized with a polite smile and twirl of his apple-top cane, starting cheerfully, “Why hello there! Char-Char called me up sayin’ you guys might need some help with repairs after some fight with– Oh– Oh SHIT! Why I’ll be damned! …Again!”

The King of Hell winced as he examined the destruction of a good portion of the town. It truly did look like a natural disaster had torn through the place. “I know she said something about a magma guy, but seeing remnants of a volcanic eruption in the middle of the city is… something else! You took care of that guy, right? Cause otherwise I’ll definitely need to…”

The antithesis of sensitive speech, the captain was as blunt as ever, “They killed him yeah. Al helped fix up the place too! If his mystery shadow didn’t suck up all the lava, it would’ve stayed. That’s what happened at one ‘a the islands we went to. Akainu fought there a long time before we got there and it was still all volcano-y!”

“That would’ve been very not good, yeah! …I’m gonna have to check the rest of the city to make sure he didn’t leave any other lava pits, aren’t I?” Lucifer awkwardly responded with another wince. Alastor agreed with the sentiment. Hell had enough fire and brimstone without the addition of volcanic activity inside the city proper. In a different part of the city, maybe, but not in a place as charming as Cannibal Town.

With a slightly miffed sigh, Rosie had to concede, “I think we’ll have to use that favor we earned from helpin’ out Charlie and her hotel last Extermination, Your Majesty. We’ll be busy enough tryin’ ta get a headcount of who died without the remains to go off of and waitin’ for ‘em all to regenerate, never mind headin’ into weeks of reconstruction if we tried fixin’ it all on our own.”

“No problem, that’s what I came for after all!” Slowly regaining the confidence he’d arrived with, the King’s smirk once again faltered when he caught sight of the two pirates on ground zero, still in the midst of clashing swords and kicks. “Why don’t you get your guys and head back to the hotel, Luffy? The big scary Radio Demon would never admit to it, but he’s probably tired from using so much power. I could hear his radio static from halfway across the city!”

With a tinge of a growl, Alastor drawled, “I’ll ask that you not speak for me– ”

“Okay!” Luffy didn’t think twice before stretching out his arms to reel in his wayward crewmates. They clipped part of the roof off as they went flying over the monkey’s head, causing them all to tumble head over heels to fall off the roof once more on the opposite side. Withholding an enduring sigh, Alastor didn’t even bother looking over at them before he swept them all away into the dark.

After reemerging in the lobby of the hotel, the group somewhat dispersed as the residents approached to ask after what’d occurred. Alastor took the opportunity to purposefully cross in front of the first mate’s path on his exit out, giving the man a side-eye and thin grin that was met with a neutral scowl.

“I hope that was enough of a demonstration for you to see that, even when I am more inclined to keep such sentiment understated, my pride for the captain is worth no less than yours…”

After a brief silence, there was only a scoff, “ …That message was sent loud ‘n’ clear when ya tore off Akainu’s fingers and teeth to use ‘em as knives, yeah. Just go back to whatever cave you crawled out of and get some sleep, Al. Luffy’s not gonna let you get away without it tonight.”

As expected due to Lucifer’s unneeded comment, the captain insisted on spending the night with Alastor. And despite having seen proof of his tendency towards insanity today, neither the swordsman nor the cook put up a fuss about it. Even still, as Luffy’s soft snoring evened out and Alastor made himself comfortable underneath his own covers, there was indeed some magical exhaustion seeping deep-seated in his form. He prepared himself for a very deep sleep that night.

So it was only natural that he’d be unexpectedly stirred into bleary wakefulness but a couple hours in. The one night he truly needed rest and it was withheld from him. No rest for the wicked, as they say…

Even more annoyingly, his involuntary consciousness had been brought on by someone squirming their way into his bed. Jostling not only the mattress but even pressing against his back and brushing against his usually hidden small tuff of a tail. Alastor shot upright in an instant at the touch, his ears shooting upright with him. He turned a simmering glare on the boy. “I made you your own a bed for a reason…”

He trailed off at the sight of Luffy rubbing at his eyes, tear tracks only dimly reflecting off the low ambident light of an otherwise dark room.

The boy sniffled before mumbling, “Sorry, I didn’t wanna wake ya. Just had a nightmare ‘bout Ace… It felt lonely by myself.”

“ …Don’t get your unsightly fluids on my covers.” Conjuring a handkerchief, Alastor took Luffy’s face in hand to wipe it properly before handing it over for the boy to blow his nose. Then waved away the soiled tissue to discard it into nothingness.

Alastor reset the bed so another pillow was in the proper position for a second person. Pulling the blanket over the boy properly, he endured Luffy shamelessly cozying up against his neck and chest. The monkey threw an arm around his torso while his tail curled around one of Alastor’s knees. “Mind yourself. My chest area is a bit tender, shall we say.”

Without a thought to rudeness or invasion of privacy, Luffy shameless leaned back just enough to pull back Alastor’s sleep shirt to look inside it, seeing the sutured diagonal slashed scar he’d gotten from Adam. He slapped the boy’s hand away just a tad too late. Luffy was evidently satisfied with his snooping though and just went back to positioning himself against Alastor. “We match! Shishi!”

“ …Almost, but not quite.”

It wasn’t quite comfortable on his end of things. Alastor’s frame was strikingly tense in comparison to Luffy’s noodle-like limbs. He’s fairly certain he has never let another person into his personal space to this extent. However, even his withered heart couldn’t find the cruelty needed to turn the boy away. Anyone else, yes, but not him…

With the lower half of his face now brushing the top of messed soft hair, Alastor murmured, “This is only for tonight and if I hear you speak of it with anyone else, I’ll never allow you into my quarters again. I question the logic of seeking comfort from a nightmare-inducing entity after having had a nightmare.”

Thankfully, Luffy’s actual crying had already seemed to come to an end before he’d tried to infiltrate Alastor’s space. He didn’t sound too upset as he hummed back, “ ‘Mkay. And Alastor’s not scary. ‘M safe with you.”

Something about those words struck a chord in him. An unfamiliar feeling born of unknown depths lit up with warmth, matching the warmth his body slowly became accustomed to brought on by the added presence.

Alastor allowed his own arm to wrap around his captain. His hand smoothed up the back of the other’s sleeping shirt. Luffy snuggled in further at the gesture.

He found himself asking about a thought he’d had earlier, almost absentminded, “ …That burn on your chest was left by that man, wasn’t it? Was it in the same battle in which he felled your brother?”

What should be a touchy subject was addressed as plainly as anything else Luffy spoke of, though the words were more muttered due to him speaking into Alastor’s shoulder and collarbone, “Yeah. Don’t remember when he did that, though. Passed out after Ace died… I was weaker, before. I couldn’t save him…”

“ …I’ve often regarded weakness as something of a sin, especially my own. Though, I don’t think it quite right to truly consider it as such. If being weak was something worthy of being condemned, after all, then the entirety of humanity would be barred from Heaven’s gates.”

Alastor trailed his claws up higher, carding them through the back of Luffy’s hair with ease that the usual presence of his straw hat wouldn’t have allowed. Minding his sharper than average fingers, he scratched at the base of the boy’s furry ears in a light massaging movement. The sensation was often soothing for those with more mammalian-derived features, though Alastor typically doesn’t allow anyone to pet his own ears in such a manner. Excluding very short and very infrequent sessions he permitted to Niffty when she became inconsolable over more drastic happenings, always the exception to the rule, that one. Though the captain was proving to be even more of an exception…

His tone hardened in an unintentional contradiction to his gentle actions, “Finger removal, fifty-two stabbings, and a beheading, and somehow it still wasn’t enough. I should have tortured that mutt until he begged for mercy when I had the chance…”

Laying waste to a good portion of Cannibal Town, insulting Rosie, insulting himself, insulting the captain– Any single one of the man’s actions that night all on their own would’ve been deserving of death. But of them all, it was this current posthumous crime which stoked Alastor’s desire for bloodshed the most. All that nonsense the Red Dog spoke of the captain’s existence being an ‘unforgivable sin’! As far as he’s concerned, the true unforgivable sin is bringing Luffy to tears! The mutt should count his lucky stars that Alastor had no method for reviving the double dead, or he would’ve truly brought the bastard back simply to torture and kill him once more!

“Akainu would ‘a bit his tongue off and died before asking for mercy from a pirate,” Luffy rather bluntly stated before he mused in honest curiosity, “Al gets mad a lot, huh.”

“Quite,” was his reply to the understatement. Though after a brief moment of reflection, he found himself adding, “ …I have been much less prone to enmity in more recent days, however. I used to never be wholly without it.”

“I’m glad I help ya feel better. You help me feel better, too,” was the captain’s liberal interpretation of his statement. Frighteningly acute in that way Alastor still found himself somewhat wary of, but not to the same extent.

“ …Do you regret choosing to come down to Hell? You can likely still choose to rejoin your brother in Heaven once you’ve rounded up the rest of your crew to bring them with you.”

“Nah. Ace knows I got my own adventure. I couldn’t have it up there, so I’m at where I’m supposed to be.”

As the boy shifted minutely to press into Alastor’s ministrations, he could feel the brush of a small smile against the bare skin at the junction of his neck and shoulder. While he could recognize it wasn’t meant to be a kiss, he had to keep himself from startling under the sensation, finding it starkly unfamiliar. But he didn’t quite wish to pull away from the embrace. The warmth and weight of the boy pressed against him had also been an unfamiliar feeling, but after not too long, the thrumming of another heartbeat became a calming presence.

“And I wouldn’t regret it anyway. If I didn’t jump down here, I never would ‘a met Alastor. I wouldn’t go anywhere you couldn’t. So even if our adventure ended or somethin’, we wouldn’t leave to go somewhere without you. Promise.”

An abrupt intake of warm air caught in his throat. It cloyed at his chest, pulling at the edges of his mouth in an attempt to get his smile to waver.

Moving his hand to a more comfortable position cradling the back of Luffy’s head, Alastor turned his head such that his cheek rested against the crown of the soft hair, his ears falling into a relaxed position. He forced himself to release his stilled breath, “ …You talk too much for a person who should be sleeping.”

“That’s just cause you were talkin’ too.”

“In case my point wasn’t clearly stated, that was me telling you to be quiet.”

“Fiiiine. You’re grumpy when you’re embarrassed, ya know.”

“I still do not hear the sound of you shutting up.”

“Fine! G’ night, Al… You always get up before me, but wait ‘til I wake up this time?”

“ …I will, yes. Sleep well, Luffy.”

After that, the other’s breathing soon evened out once more in sleep.

He felt as though he was both encased by and holding a warmth and gravity that could match the intensity of a star. Shining brightly in the dark of the void, pulling wayward souls out of the solitary vastness of space to keep them within the reach of its orbit. One could so easily be destroyed by the strength of its heat, crushed by the weight of its unrelenting pressure, but he wasn’t. Both left adrift in the sky and kept tethered to the world like a celestial body of the night. Perhaps such a place could be compared to the Heavens, if Heaven was truly such a beautiful place to be.

Comfort settling into his soul, Alastor wondered if this was how it felt to bask in the Sun. What used to be a common place sensation in life was not but a faint memory down in the pits of Hell. He hadn’t missed it when he’d known not what it felt like, but now that he holds the knowledge, he couldn’t imagine going without it once more.

It was with these purposeless musings that his mind drifted off, sleep finally bringing him into rest.

Chapter Text

It’s been a week since Stolas had exchanged his grimoire for the Asmodean Crystal with Blitzø and he was, franking speaking, spiraling into a deep dark depressive hole he questioned the possibility of ever climbing out of.

Octavia has been with her mother during this time. He’d thankfully thought to plan it that way in the case things did not result in a happily ever after, which is exactly what had occurred. Looking at things from one side, he did not believe things to be totally hopeless. There had been something to Blitzø when he’d explained that their official deal was concluded, an expression of striking loss. While it had somewhat come as a shock, it had also given Stolas a thimble of hope that the imp would agree to his follow up offer to try out a legitimate relationship. No strings attached, no business obligations, just a chance to feel what they fully feel and be by one another’s side. And he could tell Blitzø had thought about it. But he’d turned it over in his mind, head buzzing with something unknown to Stolas but clearly immensely distressing to Blitzø himself, face falling further and further. Until he outright stumbled away. Running away from Stolas and his palace in an attempt to run from something that was clearly stuck inside himself.

The Prince had simply watched as his love left him, knowing that no amount of persuasion on his part would be enough. Because he could likely count on one hand the number of times he has been enough.

Which left him in his current position in bed, aimlessly staring at the ceiling in a half-drunken stupor. Watching his dramas held no appeal. Food held no appeal; he couldn’t remember the last he’d eaten. Based on the way his vision had been wavering upon the start of this drinking session it had likely been a while, though. With how easily he fell to pieces, is it any wonder Blitzø couldn’t trust in him, in his love…

What had become a familiar nighttime ritual, however, was interrupted by the crash of something breaking somewhere down the hall from his bedroom suite. Slowly blinking in whatever sort of surprise he could manage at the moment, Stolas stumbled over to open his door a crack. He heard hushed, panicked whispers from the same direction.

…Whoever could be STUPID enough to attempt to rob a Goetia??? The thought wasn’t even of anger, Stolas was genuinely baffled by the idea. To steal from a Hellborn as high ranking as himself and get caught was a death sentence, so for one to even have the thought to try they would either have to be immensely skilled in breaking and entering –evidently not– or be a sinner so newly fallen they’d been in the Ring for less than a week. His mind took a turn to consider the possibility of Blitzø returning, but his horrid mood squashed the useless hope easy enough.

Somewhat hesitantly, he quietly made his way to the scene of the crime. As he approached, the hissing stage whispers grew louder and louder…

“Sorry sorry sorry– !”

“Ch-Chopper, calm down! It’s okay! Just please be quiet– ”

“I knew I shouldn’t have taken either of you! I could’ve been in and out no problem! Take responsibility for this!”

“Hey! You’re the one that wanted to steal from this highborn mansion and asked us to be your backup! We could be looking for Luffy right– AHHH!!!”

The man of the group shrieked at the sight of Stolas stepping into the living room. The culprit for the crash was evidently some vase he hadn’t even realized he’d owned that was in pieces beside a tiny, frightened looking fuzzy creature. A deer sinner of some sort? The woman that had been badgering the other two in hisses also startled with a yelp.

After an awkward moment of elongated silence, all three of the eclectic trio dropped to their knees to bow their heads for forgiveness. We’re so sorry mister demon lord sir– Please spare me at least, cute girls don’t deserve to die twice– I don’t wanna die please don’t kill us–

“For goodness sake, shut up will you! My head cannot take this at the moment…” Stolas groaned as his claws rubbed at his eyes, the hangover beginning to set in.

While he was in the midst of trying to decide if killing the robbers would better or worsen his headache, there was a tiny gasp from the tiny creature. Dropping his hand to look down at the thing, Stolas’s eyes shot open wide when the creature drastically increased in size to be a fair amount bellow his height and much more muscular than its previous cute physic. Though rather use his changed form to attack, it seemed he was just trying to get a better angle to look over Stolas’s person. The changeling held up his hands in an obvious show of non-combativeness. “I’m a doctor! What’s wrong? Can I take a look at you?”

…Well, this is a tad embarrassing. Forcibly steeling his expression in that way all Goetia are taught to do to keep sheepishness from overtaking it, Stolas replied shortly, “There’s no issue. Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve simply had too much to drink tonight.”

The young changeling’s eyes narrowed as he looked over Stolas in his disarrayed robe with a discerning examination. He glanced back up to ask in full professional seriousness, “And for how many nights now have you had too much to drink?”

Shocked once more, the Prince couldn’t keep himself from averting his glare with a wince.

The doctor just continued, matter of fact, “When was the last time you had water? The eyes of your kind are a bit different than what I’m used to, but they seem dehydrated. When was the last time you’ve eaten? Your hand was trembling a little when you raised it just now. Have you been throwing up? Have you been drinking while still taking medication? Nami said no servants or anyone have been in or out of the house for a while, do you have anyone to check in on you?”

“Stop…! Stop asking questions. I don’t know, I don’t know, yes but not recently, I don’t remember, and no. Are you satisfied? I’ll let you all live if you leave now, so will you just go?”

“No.” His beak went slack jawed at the rejection. The changeling who, no less than three minutes ago, had been cowering before him now stared at him without falter, refusing to take leave. His companions were also clearly shocked, turning their horrified faces towards their him.

“Ch-Ch-Ch-Chopper! Please, he was gonna let us go– !”

“Just leave the scary demon to do what he wants– !”

“No!” the changeling declared again, shifting back to his smaller form with the stamp of a foot. The tiny creature had to crane his neck to stare up at the much taller owl demon and he stepped forward with small hooves to push at the very bottom of Stolas’s leg. After allowing the leg to take a step back, he realized the boy was attempting to lead him to the nearby couch.

“I’m a doctor, so I help people when they aren’t well! Why would I stop just because I’m dead?! Usopp, get some water and crackers! Nami, go to the store and get a drink with electrolytes! Doctor’s orders! And you, sit down and list all your medication and approximately how much alcohol you’ve consumed in the last 12 hours!” While the other two jumped to attention and ran off in a mix of confusion and exasperation, the deer blinked at Stolas after he’d jumped up to stand on the cushion beside where he’d seated himself. “Oh, and uh– who are you?”

Stolas blinked back slowly, hesitantly responding, “Prince Stolas of the Ars Goetia...”

“…Huh?! Nami had us stealing from demon royalty?! Please don’t kill me!”

“I believe we are rather past that point…” ignoring the creature’s shift back into terror and tilting his head in owlish curiosity, Stolas decided he might as well get some answers of his own, “Your form is… of a deer, correct?”

The innocuous question seemed to settle the boy once more. The aforementioned Chopper calmed down to reply, “I’m a reindeer!”

“And… you are a sinner, but you were not human in life, correct? Your soul does not quite feel the same as your compatriots. Did you somehow gain human sentience in life?”

“Oh– you can tell? Yeah, I ate the Human-Human Fruit, so I’m a reindeer who became part human.”

The mention of such a fruit brought to mind a separate world besides Earth, one Stolas knew of but was less familiar with. With a vague sense of confusion, he then questioned, “And then… you became a doctor??? Of human or animal medicine?”

“Yeah, and both– Wait a minute, you’re supposed to be answerin’ my questions, bastard! Stop distracting me!”

After some henning by the reindeer, Stolas found himself sobering up with careful sips of water and slow fed plain crackers. He was told not to take his medication until at least half a day from then to give the alcohol some time to properly pass through his system, and had to take a hard stop on the alcohol itself.

Perhaps he should have argued more against a strange young reindeer dictating his life, but it’s not like the young one was wrong. He was self-aware enough to realize things were getting out of hand. And admittedly… he was quite lonely, and the promise of lively company was a desirable one. And thus, that was how a set of robbers ended up as his newly hired servants and live-in doctor.

It turned out the lot of them really had only been in Hell for around a week. Along with Chopper monitoring his health, Stolas also became more familiar with the other two stooges, Nami and Usopp. They all claimed to be from the pirate crew of a newly made and deceased Pirate King, and upon learning of Stolas’s passing knowledge of their world, Usopp was the one to begin spinning seemingly wild tales of the adventures of the Straw Hat Pirates, speaking of his experience as a “brave warrior of the sea”.

A mountain in which water travels uphill. Islands full of lava and ice and lightening and sweet treats and bubbling groves. A train that floats atop the waves and the city of canals and shipyards it led to. Islands of ancients and giants. Mermaids who lived on an island at the bottom of the sea. Islands in the sky with seas made of cloud home to winged people. A haunted pirate ship the size of an entire island drifting through eternal fog. A hidden island of legend holding the first Pirate King’s treasure that lied at the end of the world, discovered by the successor. And the corrupt government that stood atop the world, torn down by the same Pirate King, who’d eaten a Devil Fruit which was thought to be nothing much and awakened the blessing of the divine– Each tale was more unbelievable than the last, and yet, Stolas could recognize the long-nosed man believed them all to be true, fully passionate and boastful with his stretching exaggerations. His adeptness in helping Stolas tend to his demonic plants certainly lent credence to his familiarity with exotic flora.

When Stolas decided to use his grimoire to take a closer look at that sea-covered world of theirs, he confirmed the tales were at least partial true. The lands of their Grand Line were just as varied and wild as had been claimed. Society was still in the midst of being reorganized to form a new unified government where no species or people stood atop the rest. The Pirate King, once the title of the most infamous pirating criminal, was now hailed as the one who’d won the freedom of the world. His unofficial tour guides all turned bashfully prideful upon overhearing the state of things. Beaming about how Luffy would hate to hear them calling him a hero and Vivi must be doing a good job!

Stolas had thought he’d known how the universe was. He’d at least somewhat known of their world, and he knew of all the planets and the stars and Earth and everything else that lied in the vastness of space of multiple planes. And yet… when he heard of these tales, when he traversed to one of the strange islands he’d been told enough just to see it for himself, he came to realize that he hadn’t known. Not truly.

To learn from books of how things worked at the broader level and take count of all the stars as his duties dictated was not the same as running his fingers through the misty yet buoyant cloud of the seas in the sky. It was not the same as traveling through a jungle of prehistorical times to take delight in creatures long extinct on Earth. It was not same as enduring the chill of a snow-covered land surrounding an abandoned frozen laboratory, only for the threshold to be crossed and to have to endure the sweltering heat of magma not too far from the surface of the barren land. It was not the same as watching seasoned sailors catch the wind in the sail of a small boat, the same fresh, salty wind ruffling his feathers as they went out to sea just to let Stolas try fishing from the open ocean, basking under the warmth of the sun. Knowledge, as he’d come to realize, was not the same as experience. It was not the same as living in the world one knows.

While the pirates had to conceal themselves as to not spread tales of the dead rising, Stolas had come to realize he didn’t even need a human disguise in this world. The people simply assumed he’d eaten a Bird-Bird Fruit of the owl species. No one knew him as Prince Stolas of the Ars Goetia, with the image and power he was meant to uphold with that title. He was simply Stolas, one strange looking traveler among many. He found it was quite nice, not having to put on any airs or adhere to the hierarchy he'd seen himself as having a permanent, unchangeable place in. Fate and life and everything else having already been decided upon being born.

Each new sight was a wonder. Each short-lived trip was a thrill. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this alive, before. Ever feeling this free. Like a bird having flown off the perch and out of his gilded cage.

Belatedly, Stolas realized that this might have been the point to having been told those stories. Or at least, the goal in telling them had shifted once they’d learned Stolas had the ability to open portals back to their world. The crafty pirates had enticed him into not only leaving his house, but into journeying to brand-new places in a brand-new world. He wasn’t inclined to hold it against them, however. Not when everything was now so exciting and new in his previously constrained and boring life.

Of course, when Octavia had first met the pirates her father had suddenly invited into their home, she was rightfully suspicious of the lot. He tried to reassure her to no avail, before realizing what a lovely family outing it would be to explore some sky islands together. It was the first time they’d gone to that type of location since it was one of the more adventurous trips. And he’d been delighted to see his daughter found the strange scenery to be just as full of wonder as he did. None of that Loo Loo Land fiasco. The young were always filled with curiosity, even as those on the cusp of adulthood attempted to cover it up to pretend to have everything figured out. The pirates had decidedly caught her interest, but even still, Octavia hesitated to turn to them to ask the many questions she surely had.

That was when Nami took her aside for some quote-unquote “girl talk”. When it wasn’t a matter concerning anyone’s health, the cat burglar was the one to take charge over the other two. She had a suitable head for all manner of planning excluding the temptations of monetary value, in which case she was much too eager to take big risks for big rewards. After learning of Stolas’s ability to traverse into their world, she was quick ask after the island in which the monetary portion of the Pirate King’s treasure had been left behind with their deaths. The place had been left in slight disarray from the battles which had taken place, but curiously, there were no signs of any remains –thankfully, as it would’ve been quite morbid if they’d come upon their own bodies– nor the ship they’d left moored at the bay. Just two simple grave markers despite no graves having been dug, one listing the Straw Hat Pirates and the other the Blackbeard Pirates they’d apparently defeated. The three Straw Hat Pirates present had been spooked by the rearrangements to say the least.

Still, though, the treasure was where they’d left it. And so while Usopp had showed Stolas around the area and explained the rather convoluted means in which they found Laugh Tale –what an interesting name for an island– Nami had ordered Chopper to help her collect all the gold, gems, jewelry, or anything else which would maintain its value in Hell to bring back with them. He’d never seen her look so money-hungry or ecstatic than that trip, Berry signs literally flashing in her eyes, and subsequently noticed that the woman was much nicer to him after having agreed to the scheme. Perhaps that was why she’d deigned to personally assist Stolas with his affairs.

Stolas has no idea as to what she spoke to Octavia about other than perhaps the strained relations she had with her divorced parents, but by the next day, Octavia was comfortably asking Nami about how she charted her maps, to which the navigator happily drew up a copy of the world map she’d completed in life. Seeing all the islands there were to be had even below the sky, Octavia practically ordered Stolas to tell her the next time a trip was being planned. He was so overjoyed he began to weep, much to his little girl’s embarrassment.

It was his turn to be embarrassed though when the woman cornered him for quote-unquote “girl-gay guy friend talk”. Apparently she’d been sleuthing around enough to learn of the affair he’d been having with an imp, and rightfully seeing the signs of a broken heart, demanded details. After explaining as much as he could without getting into the details of their illicit activities, she seemed to ruminate on the situation before offering some rather intriguing advice–

“While its good you want to make sure he has the right to make his own decisions, when people are holding themselves back from something they’re scared to want, sometimes you just have to... drag them kicking and screaming, in a way.”

“That does not seem to be a sound basis for a relationship...”

“It’s not, but I’m not trying to say you should force him or anything. It’s just…” with a fond look setting her expression, Stolas knew even before she started speaking again that she was thinking of her captain, “If Luffy’s shown me anything, there are times when people need help realizing they want to take that next step for themselves. It can seem impossible, the entire world could be against you, and he can just make it as easy as taking his hand. It’s not quite the same for your situation, but I think that idiot imp might take the chance if he can figure out he can take it.”

“ …I’m not quite sure I can be the one to show Blitzø such a thing. I can still hardly manage my own life right. There was a part of me which relied on him too much as an escape from the more undesirable circumstances of my life, and I wonder if perhaps that was part of what scared him. To be used and relied on too heavily would be a daunting thing to anyone. But… I will consider talking to him again some time, if the opportunity permits,” wanting to turn away from the more sorrowful matter, a wistful smile came upon Stolas beak as he remarked, “Every time I hear of this Monkey D. Luffy, he becomes more and more larger than life. I fear he may not live up to your tales at this rate!”

“That’s impossible! Our captain has to be the most absurd person in all the worlds for how much trouble he gets us in! No matter how high your expectations, he’ll go past them one way or another. And that’s not always a good thing,” even as Nami huffed in annoyance, she couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. The feeling of it helped to lighten Stolas’s own mood.

His life had shifted drastically. A month in and he’d yet to pick up another bottle, much to the doctor’s satisfaction. It seemed as though every time the temptation reemerged, he’d be distracted away from the thought with another trip. Even when they weren’t constantly traveling, the promise of a new miniature adventure waiting around the corner made the mundanity and rigidness of Stolas’s position much more bearable. Which is why, of course, his bitch of an ex-wife attempted to ruin it.

Apparently Stella had picked up from Octavia’s mood that Stola’s mood had improved recently, and she couldn’t have that! Or at least that was his assumption of things. Sensing things were going to take a turn for the worse, Octavia sulked to her room immediately after Stella dropped her off –which Stella never personally attended to unless she wished to harass him, by the way! With the harpy screeching at him to come to the door, Stolas geared himself up for the worst–

Only to be caught by the arm. He glanced over and down at Nami, whose face was already full of stubbornness. “Want us to turn her away?”

“ …Pardon?”

“You can take a break from this mess once in a while, Your Highness. Let us take the load from you this time!” Usopp was the one to speak this time, standing directly beside Nami with a reassuring smile.  

Chopper hopped up and down from his much shorter stature to catch Stolas’s eye, chiming, “Overwhelming stress isn’t good! We won’t always be around to help out, so let us deal with it this time while we can!”

He really should tell them no, but for some reason… he didn’t feel too worried, placing this sort of burden on the pirates who clearly planned to meddle in his business whether he wished for it or not. After he winced at another high-pitched screech, he gave a nod of agreement, and planned to watch things from the sidelines just to make sure none of them were endangered.

As it turns out, there was someone under the threat of being endangered, but that person was not any of the Straw Hats…

“Excuse me Ma’am, but we’re Prince Stolas’s temp security crew. His Highness is preoccupied at the moment, so we must request that you leave.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?!”

“You’re excused, Ma’am,” the only one to stand directly before the doors, Nami retorted in obtusely false politeness, echoing the story Usopp had declared from his place of relative safety on the balcony above the entry way stairs leading up to the mansion. She smirked at Stella’s glaring attempts to cow them. “The Prince is too busy for someone of such little importance, so we cannot permit you further onto the premises. Either willing take yourself off the grounds, or you will be moved instead.”

Stella was gawking in full outrage, beak snapping with her shrieks, “Why I never! Me?! Of LITTLE IMPORTANCE?! You lot are just a bunch of lowly sinners! And you DARE ORDER ME?! A Hellborn GOETIA DEMON! I don’t care if that imp-dick-sucking piss excuse for a prince hired you! One of your kind are NEVER to command me– !”

When she’d taken one step too close to Nami, Stella stumbled as a small explosion forced her back. The snipper had shot it with his slingshot from his place above.

Raising her head once more to surely start an even worse tirade, Stella’s outrage faltered as her gaze went skyward. She stumbled back down the steps in fear instead of pressing forward. Just as Stolas could mentally question what the Hell could be causing such a reaction, he startled at a rumbling thump. With the assistance of a small magical window, Stolas was able to gawk at what it was Stella saw from her perspective.

A gigantic creature loomed over the mansion, casting a shadow as it leaned fully over it such that one of its hands was crushing some of the driveway pavement to hold up the rest of the monster’s weight. With looming antlers and glowing red eyes shadowed under the brim of a hat, this was undoubtedly another form of the usually small and adorable reindeer doctor.

“Leave, or you will be forced to leave.”

And as the icing on a cake, the heavy clouds that had been forming above much too rapidly began to boom with thunder. With the wave of her now extended staff, the navigator guided a bolt of lightning to strike at the step of the stairs, once again forcing Stella to stumble back with a frightened shriek.

The Straw Hats ignored the now pouring rain as their navigator spoke once more, “We’ll give you ten seconds. That should be enough time to decide if you want to take your chances.”

“…You– You– My HAIR!” Stella cried at the utter travesty of her head feathers being frizzled by wayward electricity of the lightening and then further messed by the rain. Clutching her head, she sneered one last time at the pirates before fleeing to the safety of her limousine, “This isn’t over, you freakish welps! Let Stolas enjoy his kept monsters while he can!”

As the car screeched away at a faster than safe speed, Nami pinched at the bridge of her nose. “Of course it was the hair that did it. She can’t even pretend to be any less of a vapid bitch…”

Rain clearing up as abruptly as it’d began, Stolas absentmindedly stepped outside in the same moment Chopper returned to his most frequently used adorable form. Usopp caught the boy as he fell from the sky then jumped off the balcony to stand next to Nami. The Prince found himself as a loss for words, but managed to slowly get out, “ …Well, this is a bit of a what the fuck moment. Even knowing your crew had fought many a battle, none of you seemed quite… the image of such a force. Until now, that is.”

“What the fuck…” Octavia hissed a whisper from a window upstairs, staring with wide eyes at the literally out of this world pirates.

Rather than react with offense, they seemed to laugh off the reaction, Usopp boasting, “I know! We’re kinda known to be the cowards of the crew. I’m the weakest one too, but I’ve gotten strong enough to stand beside everyone else!”

“If you’re the cowards and on the weaker end, that just makes me even more curious about all the rest…” A teasing grin formed on his beak as he allowed the elation of what he’d just witnessed to flow through him. “Though that does explain why you all immediately began pleading for your lives upon being found attempting to rob me.”

“Hey! You’re a big scary powerful demon! Of course we’d be scared!” Chopper protested from Usopp’s arms with what could now only be taken as an accusation of unintentional irony.

“While it’s true it’d be difficult for any of you to defeat me, at the very least you would’ve likely been able to flee.”

“Yeah, well, we probably would’ve gotten to that if you didn’t send Chopper into doctor mode!” Nami concluded the matter with her typical striking attitude, “I guess things turned out for the better though. Who knows where you’d be without us!”

While the remark had been in jest, Stolas found himself echoing back with a softer smile, “Where would I be, indeed…”

All good things come to an end one way or another, however. The very next day after that farce, the doorbell had rung to reveal an antique radio speaker had been set upon the doorstep…

“Salutations to Your Highness, Prince Stolas of the Ars Goetia! This is a special localized broadcast brought to you by the sinner Overlord, the Radio Demon! Perhaps you’ve heard of me? Regardless, I have a message for the three Straw Hat Pirates currently under your employ; Your captain is waiting in anticipation for your arrival at the Hazbin Hotel in Pentagram City! I must say, with you lot keeping to the area exclusive to nobility, it might have taken some time before I’d found you. The short but intriguing performance you had the other day helped catch my eye so to speak– ”

“Al! Ya found someone again?!”

“ –such impeccable timing you keep. Yes, I am currently speaking to your doctor, sniper, and navigator– ”

“Chopper, Usopp, and Nami were all together? That’s funny! They’re all scaredy cats, haha! Nami, Veggie keeps tellin’ me to keep Zoro and Sanji from fightin’ but I don’t really care, so can you do that when ya get here? You’re a ton better at it!”

“Oh yes, please. Anyone that could curb the irritable behavior of those two undesirables I welcome with open arms! And perhaps an open stomach as well. Aha!”

“Al sometimes fights with ‘em now too, so it’s really fun ‘round here! Shishishi!”

“I would not call that fighting so much as it is me giving them the amount of respect they deserve; absolutely none. Anyway, farewell for now!”

“We haven’t even met up yet and he’s already giving me a headache! What’s wrong with that boy…” even as she complained, though, Nami’s face was lit up in an exasperated sort of fondness.

“Luffy! It’s really him! Haha!” Chopper began to wiggle about in excitement before his face suddenly fell into shocked realization, “Wait! What’s that bastard doin’ callin’ us scaredy cats?! …Even though it’s true.”

Proving the changeling right, Usopp skipped over the joy of hearing from their captain to bite at his nails while stammering, “I-I-Isn’t the Radio Demon the Overlord who’s murdered tons of other powerful Overlords live on air?! And is also a CANNIBAL?!?! Why’s Luffy with a guy like him?! Do we really have to go to where he lives?! Why don’t we tell Luffy to meet us at a café or somethin’!”

Wincing at the thought, Nami commented, “If he’s at the hotel, Luffy probably lives there too. Especially if the Radio Demon’s been arguing with those two idiots. They had Zoro and Sanji there with only Luffy to watch them? They’re lucky the building’s still standing!”

“ …H-Hey guys, what if… the reason why the Radio Demon was looking for us for Luffy is because– ”

“Don’t say it!”

“You’ll jinx us! Don’t speak it into the universe!”

Chopper yipped a particularly deer-like sound as he slapped his hooves over his mouth, properly warded off of finishing the thought. Though from Stolas’s view, the reindeer speaking the possibility of their captain having recruited the Overlord wouldn’t change the reality of things.

Using their banter as an opportunity to steel himself, Stolas put on as much of a smile as he could to chime, “I’m glad you all were able to find your captain. I know you have wished to reunite with him and the rest of your crew since you’ve gotten here. Just let me call Octavia down, and then you can leave posthaste– ”

He was cut off by Nami lightly slapping the back of her hand into his chest, a tap more than anything as she interjected, “What are you talking about? You don’t have to pretend like you won’t miss us! And we don’t have to leave immediately. If their hotel’s lasted this long with the three idiots, it can go one more night. We promised to go stargazing with you and Octavia after all!”

Shock came over Stolas as his beak dropped open slightly. He tried to parse out, “You… I know you dearly miss your friends, though. I wouldn’t wish to keep you– ”

“A promise’s a promise! We gotta go!” Chopper exclaimed as he jumped up and down, evidently still brimming with anticipation for the stargazing as he had been previously.

Before he could find a response, Usopp jumped up himself to throw an arm around Stola’s neck to pull him down into a crouch and level out their heights. The man had apparently recovered from the potential fright of the demon Overlord, as he winked and began speaking with conspiratorial mischief laced in his voice, “Come on Stolas– you don’t really think we’re gonna just leave and never come back, do you? Once Luffy hears that you’ve got a ride back to the Grand Line, the three of us will practically have to fight him off to keep him from harassing you! You won’t get to see us as often, yeah, but we’ll still have our adventures together! You’re basically a part-time pirate now! As your friends and the professionals here, we gotta keep showin’ ya the ropes!”

“ …T-Truly? Friends? And me, a part-time pirate?” eyes going owlishly wide at the thought, he couldn’t keep the hopeful delight out of his reply.

“Course we’re friends! It’s no lie! Cross my heart and– well, not the last part… And yeah! As a brave warrior of the sea I can tell, you’ve got a heart meant for adventure! That’s what bein’ a pirate’s all about! Luffy would just tell ya to stop doing things ya don’t wanna do and just head out to sea, but we’re a bit more practical than that. Ultra powerful demonic Prince on business days, adventuring pirate on weekends– Or maybe every other weekend? I think that should be doable, right? And then when you retire, you’ll be fully trained and can set out to sea for good!”

“Oh! I– That… Most of that sounds wonderful, but I can’t do the last part. We Goetia don’t actually retire unless we’re dead…”

“…You will. You can let me take over for you, after all.”

Stola’s neck cricked with a concerning crack as he whipped his head around to see Octavia approaching. “O-Octavia! There’s no need– ”

“I want to, Dad…” His daughter smiled up at him so very softly. Stolas felt tears begin to well in the corners of his eyes. “Or well, maybe we can switch off once I’m trained enough in your job? That way I can go too sometimes. I just want you to know that you can rely on me. I’m not a little girl anymore…”

Now he really was crying in full, tears streaking down his face as he pulled away from Usopp to forcefully bring Octavia into a hug that had her huffing. “That’s not true– You’ll always be my baby girl, sweetheart! Even when you’re old and aligning the planets of the solar system!”

“Daaaad, not in front of the others…”

After a night of stargazing out in the middle of the universe, Stolas and Octavia bid the strange Straw Hats a farewell the next morn. However, as the three of them waved back while walking out of mansion gates, he knew this goodbye was not an end to the story.

If anything, it was only the beginning to another chapter of his life. One that, for once, he looked forward to reading.

Alastor will admit that he hadn’t anticipated any of the pirates mingling amongst the Goetia of all demons, especially one relatively higher up such as Prince Stolas. Those Hellborn were known to be snobbish elitists despite not being at the very top of the ladder where the Morningstars comfortably sat. Though he did vaguely remember hearing something or other about gossip surrounding the Prince’s divorce and likely affair with an imp, he didn’t pay any personal interest in such matters. The only thing of relevance was that, once again, the Straw Hats had made themselves very conspicuous, and that was all he needed for a shade to have located them.

The trio arrived the day after he’d sent his message, and after seeing their approach, Alastor gleamed at least part of the reason for the slight delay. They slowly inched forward for the gates, crouched into each other with the same air as young children approaching a particularly haunted house on Halloween. It actually took them an entire five minutes to cross the front lawn at the rate they’d gone, shivering with each step taken.

Once they’d arrived at the doorstep, they squabbled over who would knock. The long nose man had attempted to push forward the reindeer only for the boy to transform into an actual, fully grown reindeer. Strong antlers rammed into long nose together with the woman’s push. The weaker of the group had clearly been chosen as the sacrifice. His forehead banging against the door was as good of a knock as any, Alastor supposed.

His grin curled mean at the sight of their struggles. Oh– he likes these three MUCH more than the other two already…

Alastor informed Luffy about the arrival, and the captain managed to beat Charlie to the door once more. Stretchy arms pulled the lot of them inside to form a pile on the living room floor, and it seemed that for a moment their spell of fear was broken. They were all ecstatic to see their captain. Most of the hotel residents gathered a good ways back, wary to approach too close considering how the last reunion had turned out. But overtime, even they lost some of their tension the longer things went without issue. Even the arrival of dumb and dumber didn’t provoke too much of a problem, their bickering having been put on hold with the joy of their coming together.

“Woah! Nami! Ya got your map on your back now! That’s so cool!”

“Right? Now I can wear my treasure around too! The Four Blues are kinda squished on the back, but the Grand Line’s stretched all along my arms!” the woman started with a beaming smile, moving her hair out of the way and holding out her arms so that Luffy could see her back better.

Only for her to snap at the other two men when they approached to take a look as well, the look from the cook being concerningly intense, “Hey you two! I heard you’ve been causing these people trouble! Isn’t enough that they’ve been looking after our troublemaking captain for us?! The next time you get too worked up, expect a smack to the head!” Nami then glanced at where Charlie was cooing over both the heartfelt reunion as well the particularly cute new arrival who resembled a stuffed animal more than a sinner, “Sorry about them. Thanks for being so lenient with these idiots, Your Highness.”

While both the bickering duo was of a similar height to Alastor himself, all the new arrivals were shorter to varying degrees. The navigator was about the height of Luffy, and while having been described to be something of a cat burglar, death had made that literal. Her long tangerine orange hair was topped with cat ears that matched her voluminous fluffy cat tail, the rest of her body covered in a lighter orange fuzz with patterns of dark blue on her shoulder that looked similar to a tattoo. There were also similar tattoo marks on her back and the backs of her arms, the aforementioned map that Luffy had pointed out. Her attire of a sleeveless green halter top and jeans left those areas in display. Along with her somewhat ample chest-fur…

The cook, of course, immediately began falling over himself, sobbing at her disapproval, “I’m so sorry, Nami! I tried my best, really! It’s just that this mosshead has been unbearable after all this time! I had to go an entire month with only him as poor excuse for company! I’ve missed basking in your iridescent visage and chest– ”

“Yeah yeah, I missed you too Sanji, but not that part of you…”

Charlie snapped herself out of her gushing over the ‘cute’ creature to wave away the issue, “Oh, it was no problem! Luffy’s been such a great help to us, of course we would welcome his crew here! And Sanji’s been so kind to share his meals with us all!”

“And by ‘no problem’ she means the wall, living room, and hallway they broke have already been replaced… The food is good, though. The only good thing about that guy actually,” Vaggie muttered flatly just to set the record straight, arms crossed over her chest. It did little good as the cook began wiggling about with heart eyes at the compliments.

“Don’t tell me what to do witch– ” the swordsman had to cut himself off at the smack of a staff to the back of all three of his heads, delivered just as promised. Clutching at them with one hand each, Zoro growled under his breath with a glare, but evidently had learned enough to keep any commentary to himself this time. So he can learn, how curious!

“Luffyyyyy~ We missed you so much! It’s so scary here! Everything’s too creepy! Sinners are stabbing each other or getting into shoot outs in every other alley! It’s been Hell tryin’ to get around without any of the others to protect us– oh, that was kind of a pun, right? Brook would ‘a liked that one…” the sniper trailed out of clutching the captain in terror as he mused at his unintentional humor.

The man, while taller than the captain, was still a good amount shorter than the swordsman and cook. Usopp’s nose had been as noticeably long as Luffy had claimed it to be. And to top it off, his demon form seemed to theme itself around the feature. As a puppet made of brown wood, the resemblance to the famed tale of Pinocchio could not be denied. The only notable differences being the little green leaf that stuck out of the end of the nose, the curly dark green-black ponytail the puppet kept his hair in, the bandana and unique set of googles atop his head, and the yellow sun-design mask set askew on the back of his head to match the yellow wideset pants with suspenders that went without a shirt similar to Husk’s style. It seemed his torso was mostly flesh of the same tone as the wood with some panels distributed around the areas where flesh met wood. Is it a thing for pirates to just leave their chests out in the open for stabbing? More than half the present members had them prominently displayed…

Smiling at not only Usopp but the other two new arrivals in full boyish charm, Luffy boasted, “What’re ya talkin’ ‘bout? You three ‘re plenty strong enough to get around here! You can take most ‘a these demons no problem!”

The praise was well received. They all fidgeted to differing extents as they pretended to humbly accept Luffy’s word while their egos visibly inflated, grins stretching from ear to ear not too unlike the captain himself. Having stayed in the captain’s arms for the whole affair, the bipedal reindeer began nuzzling Luffy’s nose in a notably animal-like gesture before moving down to cuddle into the captain’s chest like a teddy bear.

The creature donned an oversized hat with an X design set between two curved antlers, a tiny body of Niffty’s size with tiny hooves in place of hands and feet, and a small set of pants and vertical striped shirt. With his big wide eyes set above a red button nose, small snout, and fluffy pastel pink fur in a similar shade to candy floss or flower petals, the creature was much too adorable for Alastor’s tastes. Meant in more ways than one. However, the reindeer soon spooked when he became eye level with Luffy’s chest.

“Luffy! You’re hurt! Or– you were hurt, technically. I’m glad you found someone to patch you up without me here…” Doctor Tony Tony Chopper pulled back to look over the sutured scar in a careful examination, placing both hooves on either side of the X. “It looks like it was a really deep one. Did you need surgery for your lungs or heart or anything else? For it to last like this, it was made by angelic steel, right? The stitching is neat and tight, they did a good job pulling a wound this wide and of this shape back together, but the scarring is going to stay if you keep it like this. Let me finish the healing for you! Look at what I can do now!”

Jumping out of Luffy’s hold, Chopper approached the swordsman in tiny steps that had Charlie squealing in as restrained as manner as she could manage. Before it abrupt cut off in a choke as the reindeer suddenly grew into his big sasquatch-like form, his fur shifting into dark pink at the change. Placing an enlarged hand on the back of Zoro’s heads one after the other, cherry blossoms bloomed under the touch covering where he’d been smacked by Nami. Zoro gave an appreciative hum of slight surprise as the tension of his shoulders relaxed, the pain seemingly alleviated.

Chopper shrunk back into a pastel pipsqueak to face his beaming captain with pride, puffing out his tiny chest as well as he could with hooves on his hips. “Lots of people down here can learn or gain abilities related to their strengths and new forms. Along with not needing my rumble balls anymore, I got something new! I can directly heal injuries now in a process that’s more restorative than the body healing on its own! It’s perfect for a doctor like me! I could cure any illness in life, and now in death, I’ll be able to cure any wound! I just gotta keep practicing with it to improve my skill!”

“That stuffed animal’s a doctor?”

Husk quietly sighed at Angel’s poorly concealed stage whisper, “I mean he’s small and cute, now, but he’s gotta just be a sinner like the rest of us… I think the ‘can cure any illness’ and that ability of his are the real things to get shocked about here.”

Husk was correct in his assessment, though wrong in his assumption of the doctor being a human sinner. Even bypassing the apparent feat an animal who’d attained human intelligence had accomplished in life, it was a rare thing indeed when a demon of Hell developed magic specialized for healing purposes outside of their general regenerative ability. Alastor can’t recall ever having come across a sinner with such a power. Then again, this creature assumedly was meant for Heaven and chose Hell over paradise to be with his captain, so the doctor wasn’t much of a “sinner” in the first place along with not being human.

The only demons that came to mind concerning healing capabilities were Belphegor of the Seven Deadly Sins and some of their Hellborn kind, the Ring of Sloth being where the vast majority of the Hellborn medical services resided. In comparison, the medical treatment accessible to sinners was much more pitiful, almost exclusively taking the form of seedy underbelly clinics where one would gamble their luck as to the quality of care and then be charged an exorbitant amount for it should the treatment actually be decent. Though, Alastor had heard through the grapevine that a clinic with a surgeon of proven skill had recently cornered the market on that end of things.

Laughing joyously, Luffy chimed, “Shishishi! That’s great Chopper! But it’s okay, I like it like this cause it matches Al.”

He really can’t leave this boy alone for more than five minutes… Deciding it was about time for his grand entrance anyway, Alastor moved his shadow from where it’d been hiding in the corner to watch over the happenings to slink on the floor directly behind the reindeer in the midst of the group. Then, he emerged from the darkness with a flourishing twirl of his mic and wide smile. “Why thank you for your compliments to my handywork, good doctor! It’s high praise coming from a professional of your accomplishments. I can’t be considered more than a witch doctor after all! Haha!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

The reaction was even more gloriously hilarious than he’d been anticipating. All three of the new arrivals jumped back towards the fireplace with a unified shriek. The puppet, having been on the side closest to the mantle, was accidently pushed into the fireplace by the navigator in her rush to flee. He saved himself from completely falling into the flames, but the hand he stuck out to catch his fall did not share this fortune. Usopp pulled it back out with another shriek to reveal the wood had caught fire.

Violent shaking the appendage in the air in an attempt to blow it out to no luck, the puppet cried, “ON FIRE ON FIRE SOMEONE HELP AAHHHHH– ”

“Usopp! Hold on, I’ve got it!” The situation apparently pulling the woman out of her fright, Nami was quick to conjure her staff once more to trace a circle of clouds above Usopp’s head. Once the ring was complete, dark clouds filled the center to pour down on not just the hand on fire, but the entirety of the puppet. She only waved her creations away once the flames had fully extinguished, leaving behind a rather depressingly wet crewmate.

“SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!”

“That’s you.”

“Oh… right!” the doctor snapping himself out of his panic at Sanji’s reminder, he made his way to the still frozen in place puppet to shift into his taller form once more to take hold of Usopp’s hand, the burn blossoming over with flowers. “Nami put it out before it could spread too much, so it should heal quickly.”

Alastor, after staring at the entire farce without a blink or losing the pleasantry of his smile, had to drawl, “ …Wow. A most impressive reaction. I haven’t even done anything yet! Ahahaha!”

“AAAAAHHHHHHHH!” there was a second outburst at the reminder of his presence, though of a lesser intensity than the previous disaster. The cowards huddled together, this time ducking behind their captain for protection before setting wary eyes on Alastor.

“That– That’s the Radio Demon, right?” the reindeer, having shrunk once more to better hide himself, hissed in a whisper.

The puppet’s harsh whisper was even louder as he spoke into Luffy’s ear, “Luffy– that demon’s bad news, you know that right? You haven’t done anything to make him made us, right?! I heard Zoro and Sanji have been picking fights with him even! You guys can handle him but if he catches one of us alone, we’re the ones who’ll end up on a platter!”

“Haha! What’re ya guys gettin’ all scared for? Ya don’t gotta worry about Al like that,” much to their distress, the captain laughed off their terror, leaving the trembling trio to go stand next to Alastor and throw a friendly arm around his shoulders to all too happily say, “Alastor’s part ‘a the crew now! Isn’t that great?! Shishishi!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO– !!!”

Usopp fell to his knees in total despair, Chopper in his arms as the two of them cried together in horror. “I don’t wanna be killed ‘n’ eaten! I’m nothin’ but sticks now, I promise! It’s not worth the indigestion!”

“I don’t wanna be emergency rations!” the reindeer cried in commiseration, before he momentarily snapped out of his sobbing as he realized, “Wait… If he eats humans, that means I’m safe then, right?”

“Venison is a close second favorite of mine!”

Chopper fell into hysterical sobs once more, “NOOOOOOOO!!! I don’t wanna be emergency rations!”

On the other end of the spectrum, after her contribution to the resounding cry of horror, the navigator stomped over to the captain. She violently shook the boy by pulling the lapels of his shirt back and forth as she yelled in terrified anger, “Luffy you DAMN IDIOT– Out of all the demons around you had to ask this one?! I didn’t give up seeing Bellemare in Heaven just to be murdered in my sleep to be cooked and eaten!!!”

“I actually prefer my meat rare, dearie!”

“SEE?! He’s obviously lying to you! He’s just waiting to stab us in the back and eat us alive!”

“No he’s not,” that was the beginning and end of Luffy’s ‘comforting’. Ignoring the forceful jostling, he immediately moved on to gain a vaguely confused expression and posed, “And what’re ya sayin’? You wouldn’t like it in Heaven. You know you can’t steal from people there, right?”

Luffy’s shaking came to an abrupt halt as the navigator considered that statement. Before she plainly responded, “Oh, that’s right… I wouldn’t have lasted up there. It’s better I ended up in Hell anyway, since I can steal as much as I want here.”

“That’s your reasoning…?” Zoro’s exasperated deadpan was appropriately timed. Alastor, meanwhile, began a hardy laugh at the trio’s terror at his mere presence and the byplay that’d come with it, causing the swordsman to shift his side-eye away from the woman and over towards the Radio Demon. “You better enjoy this while ya can, cause these guys are the only ones on the crew who’ll act like this.”

“Ahahaha~ Oh, I most certainly will my good man! I most certainly will. Why, this is even more amusing than all the orphans that came about from the stock market crash of 1929! Absolutely splendid!”

Right on que, Alastor slunk back down into his shadow such that the cook’s kick went through nothing but air. The man cursed, “Shitty red ears, how dare you scare Miss Nami like that!”

Notably staring at the still sobbing sniper and doctor, the swordsman snarked, “I don’t think she’s the one to be worried about right now…”

“What was that mosshead?!”

“ …It’s official, this crew is fucked!” Husk hissed at a wincing Angel Dust and snickering Cherri Bomb from the sidelines, “It was bad enough with Al and the two bitching dumbasses, but with these three? They’re pissin’ themselves just bein’ in the same room as the guy! There ain’t no way this pirate crew’s functional now if it ever was at all!”

Angel countered, “I mean yeah, but they’re the only ones who’re actin’ how people normally would ta the Radio Demon. It’s the other three idiots that got their screws loose…”

“I know! Cause he’s the fuckin’ Radio Demon! That’s what I’m sayin’– everyone on the kid’s crew includin’ the kid himself is either too insane to care, or when they are sane, they can’t deal with that bastard’s shit! How the Hell is this gonna work?!”

“Forget thinking about how they’re gonna work! How are we supposed to work out having them all around like this?!” Vaggie dismissed Husk’s point to bring up her own groan of concern. From beside her girlfriend, Charlie winced in wordless agreement.

Cherri, meanwhile, posed a more casual observation, “You guys ‘re already gettin’ your panties in a bunch over that? I’m still stuck on how Monkey here somehow managed to snag not one, but two deer guys! And they’re on the complete opposite ends of the deer spectrum! Can ya imagine that cute little pink flower doctor bein’ friends with the blood-red man-eatin’ cannibal murder Overlord? I’d bust a gut just thinkin’ about it! Haha!”

“Well… now that ya mention it…”

“I’m a reindeer dammit!”

“What the fuck is the deer spectrum supposed to be?” Husk was the one to question, ignoring the aforementioned reindeer’s cry of objection.

“Ya know, like doe-eyed baby Bambi on one end and eldritch forest watcher and/or wendigo creature on the other! They’re the perfect examples for it!”

Seeing a chance to impose his presence, Alastor rematerialized from his shadow directly behind Husk and Angel, startling the two of them when he leaned his head forward in between them to point out, “I feel as though I should elucidate one detail that seems to have been lost in translation. You see, when that creature says that he is a reindeer, he means that in a literal sense.”

“No shit. He’s got reindeer demon parts, yeah? Straight up a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer rip-off,” Husk was the one to snark back as though it was obvious.

However, after his clarification, Charlie’s eyes focused on the doctor before they blew out wide. “Oooh, wait… Alastor’s right! He doesn’t have a human soul! He’s– some kinda…”

“Animal who became part human. Not the other way around,” Alastor finished the conclusion on the Princess’s behalf.

“ …How the Hell did a reindeer get in ta medical school???”

“THAT’S the part you’re questioning?!” Vaggie shot back at Angel’s genuine befuddlement.

And then, as non-sequitur as always, Niffty completely ignored all the current points of interest to instead scurry back into the wall from wince she came, whining in a miffed tone, “Why’re there no bad boys on this pirate crew? That should be illegal! They deserve the gallows! Walk the plank!”

After the three arrivals calmed down upon the Radio Demon removing himself, they got to settling in. The cook made what Alastor assumed was all their favorites that night, the table featuring an assortment of fresh fruits including tangerines the navigator helped herself to, various seasonal fish the sniper happily gorged on in addition to the usual meat-based dishes, and a more extended array of desserts than usual. It was almost too predictable that the candy-floss colored creature went starry-eyed at the candy-floss machine Sanji pulled out –when did he even get that contraption? Alastor would think the spread to be rather haphazard, but the chef had proved to be as skilled as expected in his choosing of alternatives and side dishes that somehow turned the meal into something more cohesive.

Charlie also got to settling the newcomers into their arrangements. She’d previously given the cook and swordsman multi-room suites with the thought in mind that some of the crew might prefer staying together much like Luffy does, and she’d been right in her assumptions. The doctor set up in Zoro’s room while the puppet in Sanji’s, while Nami was given a new suite. Notable beside Zoro and Chopper’s room rather than the pervert’s. Though Luffy stuffed them all into one room for the night so that he could have a sleep over with all of them, once again inviting Alastor and being declined. He then cycled through the two boys’ rooms and even Nami’s room for one night. One would assume illicit intention if not for the idea of it being so laughable in the context of the captain. However, Alastor did note that Luffy did not seem to have blanket permission to stay in the woman’s quarters, as she didn’t allow the boy to stay over after that initial occurrence. Thus, Luffy returned to his usual cycle of switching between Zoro and Chopper’s, Sanji and Usopp’s, and Alastor’s rooms after the special occasion of the reunion had passed.

Things became livelier with the new additions, this time in ways Alastor found favorable. The navigator was quick to snap any of the men into shape, being much more of a direct dictator than the careless captain himself. And the three continued to spook whenever Alastor deigned to grant them his presence. The reindeer outright fainted upon first catching sight of how Alastor took his venison. And even when he wasn’t physically present, the sniper always seemed to feel when his shadow was watching and would thus panic over the sensation despite Alastor himself not being around. It was great fun to lie in wait for the perfect moments to induce the terror he so rightly deserved. He’d gotten so accustomed to the captain’s and bickering duo’s lack of a reaction that having people close in hand to mess with was a renewed breath of fresh air. And in addition, Chopper and especially Usopp seemed inclined to playing with Luffy, giving the boy a non-violent outlet for his rambunctiousness with their various antics that relieved Alastor of some of the more unpleasant intensity of Luffy’s clinging. Finally, it seemed that his attempt to alleviate his own burden by conducting such an extensive search for the Straw Hats was beginning to pay its dividends.

Still, while provoking fear was a favored pastime of his, Alastor was also aware that on some level Husk’s assessment was correct. In the long run it would be a hassle if he was unable to even speak with the trembling trio due to their –mostly– self-inflicted terror. But he was content to let things play out as they will for the meantime, not making any plans as to improving his relations.

That is, until, one of the trio somehow struck up the courage to approach him first. It was upon the conclusion of a casual but satisfying jazz broadcast not too long after the new additions that Alastor had a surprise guest in his tower. A now familiar set of antlers and hat poked up out of the trap door, only to hesitate in obvious fright.

“I’m off air now, dear doctor –why isn’t that a proper knee-slapper, haha! If you’ve bothered coming all the way up to my abode, you might as well commit to the decision and come inside. I won’t bite. Probably.”

There was a particularly deer-like high-pitched squeak, the antlers visibly trembling for a moment. It seemed that the doctor indeed had come for some greater purpose, however, as the creature forced itself to slowly crawl up into the studio.

As soon as the boy’s hooves were settled, he rushed to the nearest cover, which in this case was the second chair Alastor never bothered to put away and left abandoned on the other side of the room from his control system. Though the hiding spot was a useless one considering that, rather than have his body behind the chair to peak his eyes out from, the reindeer’s body was instead left in plain sight while the eyes were hidden. “I do believe you’re supposed to do that the other way around.”

After another yelp, Chopper switched himself around such that he was partial covered by the chair while he stared like a deer in headlights at Alastor. “There you go! Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

Chopper visibly fidgeted in place for a bit, glancing away in obvious nerves. But it wasn’t too long before the creature managed to settle himself and look back at the oh-so frightening Radio Demon.

“U-Um… Sorry. I just… wanted to thank you, Mister Radio Demon…”

With a curious hum, Alastor leaned his cheek into his palm and followed the implicit trail of logic to finish the thought, “I see. For tending to the captain’s wounds while you were absent, I presume? Your two lesser-minded crewmates had a similar train of thinking. While I appreciate the gesture, I must admit I was obligated to helping the man, seeing as he’d only gotten injured in defense of myself. Therefore, giving me gratitude for such a thing is somewhat misplaced.”

“No! Luffy is– I don’t know exactly what happened, but knowing Luffy, he would’ve forced his way into things anyway, right? So him getting hurt wasn’t your fault, and it’s still good that you– you helped him…” the interjection was unexpected, not quite bold but also not a simple withering, obligatory politeness. As the doctor trailed off in his hesitation, Alastor took the brief respite to give the creature a thorough once over.

“Hmm… You don’t seem too concerned as to how the injury actually occurred. Are you truly so confident in your assumptions? For all you know, I’m merely putting on airs and did indeed have some kind of hand in orchestrating the matter.”

For a moment, the reindeer spooked, ears flashing straight as he retreated further behind the chair. But it wasn’t too long before his eyes peaked back out again. “Wait, no… That doesn’t make sense. Luffy wouldn’t invite you if you were a really bad guy.”

Alastor had to blink the slight bewilderment out of himself, before clarifying, “While I understand why you would have such a perspective… the stories of me eating Overlords and broadcasting the screams of their murders was not an exaggeration in the slightest, dear doctor. If I’m not a really bad guy, I’m not quite sure what sort of scale you’re making comparisons to!”

The reference to his more amusing escapades earned an outright yelp from the reindeer, leading to another hiding session. Only for Chopper to again gather his courage enough to pop his head out and stare at Alastor once again. He truly does have the temperament of a frightened but curious fawn. “That’s! Well… That sounds really horrible, yeah.”

“Because it is.”

“But– But still! Luffy has really good instincts for a human! If he felt like you would hurt him or one of our Nakama, he wouldn’t have asked you to join. And– And you did help him! That wasn’t an easy wound to treat, but you took care of him anyway! That’s not a coincidence or accident, that means something… You saved him when I couldn’t…”

While Alastor mentally took note of how casually the reindeer distinguished himself from the “humans” through that reference to his captain, the bewilderment came back in even greater force upon seeing that, for no apparent reason at all, Chopper began to cry. Rubbing large weeping eyes with slight wrists while turning to take cover behind the chair.

He didn’t even do anything! How has a creature this pathetic and fragile lasted on a sea-faring pirate crew for any extended amount of time?! Without making a move to approach, Alastor glanced everywhere around the room and back towards the trap door. It would be just his luck if a certain Monkey decided to impose his presence in such a compromising circumstance. He made sure to keep his tone carefully level and lackadaisy, “Come now deerling, let’s not get overemotional. I feel that the captain would get rather upset should he misconstrue that I’d brought you to legitimate tears. Whatever could be ailing you to such a degree?”

“It–  It’s because– You saved Luffy when I couldn’t– !”

“As you’ve already attempted to establish, yes. How ever could that be a distressing thing?”

“Because– Because that’s my job! That’s the role Luffy trusted me to do! And in the end, I– I couldn’t save any of them because I got too hurt! They all died, and I’m supposed to be the DOCTOR!!!”

Alastor was taken aback by the furious cry the creature ended on. Clearly, this issue had been festering for quite some time, the seeds having been sown since the doctor’s death.

Why the boy had ended up losing his composure while talking to the Radio Demon of all people rather than doing the sensible thing of confessing to his much more familiar or sympathetic crew or even literally anyone else before he’d gotten to this point was a matter of contention for another day. Since regardless of how the situation had come to align itself, it was clear that in the current moment, this had become his problem to deal with. Unfortunately. If he attempted to abandon Chopper to one of the Straw Hats, they’ll surely assume him to be at fault somehow. Therefore, he could do nothing but attempt to react accordingly.

It really was tactless to ask such a thing right now, but Alastor just had to question, “…How old were you, exactly? You seem younger than even the captain.”

The sobbing went on for a short while longer, before momentarily dying down as Chopper seemed to consider the query. Having a more tangible topic to focus on was apparently beneficial to his mood. “H-Huh? O-Oh… I guess I was– 18? Set out to sea with Luffy and the others after I’d been alive for 15 years or so…”

…If he’s so young, it’s no wonder he’s taking this so hard. Not only the matter of his death, but having to live up to such responsibility. It was a cruel irony to be granted the ability to potentially cure any wound only after having failed to do so in life.

Alastor tried his best to plainly state the most likely words of condolence one would give for this sort of case, “To hold the power of life in one’s hands is a heavy burden, indeed. Whether that be to end it or to preserve it, it matters not. I’m sure the captain knows that whatever your efforts were, you did the best you could.”

“B-But I– If I just held back a bit– I should’ve thought ahead and not pushed myself that far!”

“And if you’d employed such a strategy, your crew would’ve been down a considerable fighter, isn’t that right?” He thought back to the looming, dark red form that he’d seen through the shade’s eye, the one that had cued him to the trio’s location. “I saw that much larger transformation of yours that you’d taken at Prince Stolas’s manner. If such a monstrous force had been left on the brink of death, you must have been in quite the battle.”

“Well, there was– I was kind of in two fights. There was this really horrible doctor on Blackbeard’s crew, but I was able to cure all the diseases he tried to use on me or the others. Then there a really big guy. Way bigger than even my Monster Point. I helped take him out, but we’d just finished fighting the world government only a couple days before that– I knew none of their wounds could handle it! I knew… knew my body couldn’t… But we had to protect everyone and Luffy’s dream.”

“So your efforts were clearly indispensable. You can curse your weakness all you’d like, but such despair won’t change events that have already occurred…” trailing off slightly in thought, Alastor decided to speak a musing aloud. The conversation seemed to be helping Chopper calm down, so it was best to keep it up even when the topic was more morbid than politeness would dictate, “While I can understand the implicit guilt that would come from a doctor failing to save his patients, you seem to be trivializing your own death quite a bit, are you not? Most would’ve considered dying at your age to be a tragedy all on its own.”

“I– I guess, technically I was young, yeah. It’s weird for me, though. Most of the herd at my age would’ve died or been close to their time. My aging is probably closer to a human’s than a reindeer’s now so I know I could’ve lived for longer, but I don’t feel like I lost any time...”

By this point, the crying had stopped. Chopper had placed himself into a less tense position, seated on the floor with his short arms holding his knees to his chest. He was about halfway out from behind the chair and facing the side wall rather than Alastor himself.

Despite the uncomfortable lead up, Alastor found himself rather intrigued as to the creature’s perspective of things. It left the impression of a mind distinctly inhuman, but at the same time, paradoxically filled with humanity.

“But– But for the others, humans can live for a long time if they take care of their health! They all could’ve lived for much longer! But Luffy never took care of himself! Even before the end, I was worried what I would do about him! He was always taking risks that damaged his body… If he never did any of those things, if he just stayed on the island he’d grown up on and lived a safe life, maybe he could’ve lived five times the length of time that he had.”

The inhumanity of a deer-like human and the humanity of a human-like deer, such an interesting inversion the captain had somehow managed to find. It was funny, really.

“…And if he’d chosen to live such a life, he never would’ve encountered you or any of his motley crew. So wouldn’t you say it’s for the better that his whims took him onto the path that they had?”

At that, large fawn-like eyes turned to look at Alastor in muted surprise. From his distance, he smiled down at the boy to say, “I realize this is a horribly insensitive thing to state, but I do feel that I must make my opinion on the matter clear; I am rather grateful the captain died when he did. Waiting around any longer to meet him would’ve been a trial to say the least. So while I understand the entire endeavor was an awful tragedy in the eyes of you and your lot, from my perspective, it ended up being a stroke of great luck! Haha! It’s rather amusing now that I think of it. That was not the opinion I had when the boy first fell down from the sky right in front of me and began pestering me to join his has-been pirate crew, let me tell you! How the times change!”

“ …That’s …I guess I get what you mean, but it’s still weird to say that.”

“It is indeed, yes! Oh, while I have your attention, there is another matter concerning you that I was curious about– ” pointing at the reindeer with a finger rather than his mic which had been left to lean against the side of the panel for the time being, Alastor pondered, “Why is it that you stay in this tiny, weaker form of yours when it seems you have many more to choose from? I understand your largest form would be a hassle, but the other two I’ve witnessed would be perfectly acceptable for indoor use.”

“Oh, um– It’s cause this is my Brain Point, it maximizes my brain size so I think the best in this form. I also noticed after I started traveling with the others that humans tend to like it the best, too. It’s annoying the marines thought I was their pet for so long though!” after the brief snap of anger, Chopper looked down at his hooves where his legs were now stretched out before him, before looking back up at Alastor to question, “You saw me in my Monster Point, then? I guess since you’re so scary you wouldn’t be scared of something like that, huh.”

With a careless wave, he cheerfully laughed off the very thought of it, “Ahaha! Of course not! I can handle that transformation of yours perfectly fine! People often see me as something of a monster as well. I even have a similar sort of transformation, though it’s simply an enlarged demonic version of myself rather than becoming more bestial as it were. My tastes are rather different than the normal humans’. While I can see how it is most would favor your more palatable ‘cuteness’, I don’t share such sentiment. Personally, I much prefer your monstrous physic. Perhaps some other day you’ll have the chance to take it around town, so to speak. I’d like to see that.”

“Really?” the boy began fidgeting a bit in excitement, shifting out of the last of his distress. Though his mood seemed to stumble slightly as another thought came to him.

“Oh… I’m sorry I was scared of you. That wasn’t nice of me to judge you based on rumors.”

…How did they arrive at this point in the conversation exactly? Alastor finally allowed his gaze to narrow on the other in displeasure. “What nonsense is this? I’ve already said the rumors are true, and I do in fact like scaring people. I prefer being feared, even! It’s entertaining and tends to make an easier time of handling others.”

“ …Even if that’s true, it’s also true that it can’t always feel good for everyone to be afraid of you.”

The statement caught his attention, forcibly shifting Alastor out of his previously more judgmental stare. The creature continued without much pause, “At least for me… it was very lonely. Neither the herd nor the humans of the village wanted me. It wasn’t until I met one of my teachers, Dr. Hiriluk, that I first began trusting humans. And it wasn’t until I met Luffy that I decided I was okay being a monster, if it meant that I was his monster. From the very beginning, he looked at all the parts of me that everyone except Dr. Kureha and Dr. Hiriluk thought were scary and… thought they were cool. You were right that, even if the ending wasn’t perfect… I’m lucky that I met him. That he went out to sea, found me, and took me with him.”

It brought to mind Alastor’s own first meeting with Luffy. From the very beginning for himself too, whenever he tried frightening the captain through distorting his image or his voice, it was to no avail. ‘Woah! That’s creepy! Cool!’ and with that, his attempt had been dismissed with ease. It brought to mind the pride he’d felt when Luffy had happily spoken of Alastor fighting on his behalf. Still having not been concerned in the slightest with the Radio Demon’s should be concerning murderous rage.

It brought to mind how Luffy had had to pester him to the brink to finally earn even a mocking agreement to trust the boy to fight on his behalf. Of how Alastor had refused to trust anyone with even the slightest request for genuine assistance, whether they be the good-natured Princess of Hell or his own supposedly most trusted Overlord ally. Of how easily he’d given up on whatever sort of bridge he had built with that previous Overlord ally of his, as soon as the winds seemed to change against his favor…

Because if you never truly trust another, you will never be disappointed. You will never be the one unknowingly caught on the poorer end of the deal. And if you intentionally provoke another to fear you, there is no need to concern yourself with how they perceive you. For you will always be the one in control of their image of you. Therefore, if being alone is the best way to protect yourself, it’s simply a matter of course. Is it not?

–But it’s been nice basking in that Sun, hasn’t it? Being amongst that warmth and held in the pull of that gravity. Perhaps, the empty void that had been in the place of that prior could be considered ‘loneliness’…?–

“ …Lucky indeed. I suppose I understand some of that sentiment. I also appreciate the fact that the captain is a man who appreciates monsters, after all.”

Chopper looked at Alastor in careful consideration when, speak of the God, he spooked back onto his hooves with a yelp at the slam of the trap door opening. Hands over his head, Luffy was quick to pull himself up into the studio.

“There ya are Chopper! I was lookin’ for ya when I felt you were up here with Al! What’cha guys doin’?”

“L-L-Luffy!”

“We were merely having a chat, dear captain,” Alastor replied for the both of them, making sure to keep his smile carefully casual as not to belay who their topic of conversation had revolved around, “I find this little deerling to be a rather interesting fellow. An intelligent mind both human and not, it makes for quite the intrigue! If only his preferred physicality wasn’t so unappealing. A shame, it is.”

Closing his eyes with a shining grin, Luffy laughed, “Haha! I told ya you’d like him! It’s cause you’re both mystery deer!”

“I’m a reindeer!”

“I do not believe that is as related to the matter as you are assuming… And you’re putting words in my mouth once again.”

Seemingly already over the deer generalization, Chopper sidestepped closer to Luffy in an extremely suspicious manner. He waved the captain to lean down to whisper without any sort of subtlety into his ear, hoof blocking his snout, “Luffy– Alastor’s actually pretty nice, isn’t he? I’m glad you invited him!”

“I can hear you still…” the comment caused the creature to jolt back, taking cover behind the still delighted captain.

Luffy, of course, ignored him to gladly agree, “He’s really nice, yeah! But only if he likes ya!”

With a high-pitched gasp and hooves flying up to his cheeks, Chopper began to joyfully wiggle in place as he took the bait and ran with it, “So he really does like me?! Aw~ he shouldn’t, the bastard! I’m nothin’ special! Eheheh~ ”

“I am still right here without having stated any of what is being assumed of me…” Even as he withheld a sigh, however, Alastor recognized the lost cause for what it was. Neither of the two would listen to what he had to say about the matter, as Luffy had already decided the truth he believed in. He really should’ve bitten the bullet and simply abandoned the creature as soon as the tears had begun…

If nothing else, though… If anything could be gained from this, perhaps it was the possibility that there might be some of the captain’s crew that Alastor would enjoy being in the company of, at the very least.

Chapter Text

“ –listen Ma’am, if ya expect me to just be able to waltz onto the actual royal family’s property, kill a couple folks, and leave all fine ‘n’ dandy, I think yer really underpayin’ me. I’m good, but not that good. And if I fail it’ll be your head on a platter, won’t it? So let’s try to set some more reasonable expectations here.”

“Don’t you back talk me IMP! But fine! Ugh. It would be horribly inconvenient I had to face actual consequences for once in my life– ” The more this harpy bitch talked, the more he questioned if the loads of cash were actually worth it, like fuckin’ Christ… “ –Just wait outside until they leave or something! You can do that much as least, can’t you?!”

“Yeah, but the time for the stakeout’s gonna cost extra.”

“Does it sound like I CARE? What’s even the point of being rich if I can’t pay other people to kill for me!” Like seriously, Jesus Fuckin’ Christ… “You’ll get your damn money, but only after you’ve killed at least one of those welps. You understand me, Striker?! I want those sinners DEAD!”

“I hear ya loud ‘n’ clear, Ma’am…”

Even as he agreed to the job, it was times like these Striker wished he had a partner to work with. Not the blue-blood fucking bastard imp who kept getting in his way, but someone would have been helpful. Two people to take on the long shifts are better than one.

But it’s not like he hasn’t done stakeouts by himself, it was a common staple of his line of work. Staking out the Princess’s hotel until a certain set of sinners were off the premises was different, he’ll have to be careful ‘bout where his watch out is to make sure that creepy-ass Overlord didn’t notice, but in theory it should be just like any other job. And as much as he hates the highborn, they pay well. So… a job’s a job.

“Oh, and also– when you get the job done, I want you to leave a note that says, ‘To the imp-dick-sucking Prince Stolas, FUCK YOU!!!’ With not one, not two, but three exclamation marks exactly! And then you need to spit on the body, take a picture, and leave it at his door! Got it?!”

“…”

…A job’s a job, but by God does he wish he were unemployed whenever he worked with this woman! If she didn’t pay so goddamn much he’d be gone with the wind already!

However, because she does pay so goddamn much, and because money is money… he agreed, speaking into the phone, “You got it. There’ll be an extra service charge for that.”

“Don’t care! If you get the chance to kill more than one of them and get it in the same picture, I’ll double the pay!” Now THAT’S what he liked to hear…

It’s been a little less than a week since the trembling trio had arrived at the hotel, and the various Straw Hats were still updating one another as to what they’d been up to before reuniting whenever specific topics came up in casual conversation. On their own part, most of their happenings involved Prince Stolas apparently allowing them access to their living world and “the Grand Line” specifically, much to Luffy’s excitement. It was clear that, at least eventually, there would be some follow up with occasionally venturing back to the living. Something he was certain Heaven would majorly disagree with, but of course, that just made the thrill all the more enticing for the captain. Alastor was certain he would be dragged along on these not so minor outings at some point, but wasn’t too put off by the idea. On the contrary, it’d be quite intriguing to see for himself the areas Luffy has only poorly explained to him before. Though he also doesn’t see any of these ventures occurring in the near future, which suits him fine.

The topic of invading the land of the living, however, later brought up the discussion of how the swordsman and cook had also made their own murderous ventures, and in the process completely ignored any sort of attempts at concealment. Much to Nami’s frustration. The two made a clear attempt to avert the argument by bringing up their assassination of the Red Dog and Alastor’s subsequent tiff with the mutt at Cannibal Town, which was admittedly successful to a certain degree. The navigator along with Usopp and Chopper became rightly terrified upon hearing how Alastor and his friend had brutalized the mutt.

However, it wasn’t completely effective, as Nami didn’t exactly forget their conversation and just brought up her ire once again at a later point. The diversion tactic that time had been for them to bring up what they’d heard of the captain’s battle for Alastor’s soul, which was surprisingly much less effective. Apparently, the boy challenging and beating the regional authority in the process of his recruitment was much too predictable of a trend...

In the midst of the swordsman’s and the navigator’s argument, however, the matter of how exactly the two were conducting their living assassinations came up, and Zoro thus –as always– unintentionally stumbled upon the conversation derailment he’d been vying for.

“What?! You were working with Blitzø that whole time?!”

“The hell? Fuckin’ calm down witch! Yeah! You know the guy or somethin’?”

“Or something– Sanji, do you have his number?!”

“Right here Miss Nami~ !”

The navigator switched from shaking Zoro back and forth to pry answers out of the man to snatching the cook’s offered phone. The group who happened to be in the lobby at the time consisting of the bickering duo, Usopp, Angel Dust, Cherri Bomb, and Alastor’s shadow creeping on the far wall watched as the woman angrily dialed the saved contact and stormed off while beginning her demands.

“Blitzø from IMP? This is Sanji’s crewmate, Nami, one of the ones who were with Prince Stolas for a while– Yes, THAT Prince Stolas! Who else is there?! See, this is why I’m calling! You’re clearly too stupid to fix this, so I’M gonna fix it for you! If you ever want to eat Sanji’s cooking again, you’ll do exactly what I– No, YOU listen to ME! That bastard loves you! Stop being a coward and dumbass! No, I’m not fucking with you! And if you love him even half much as he loves you, you’ll shut up and do what I say! If I can navigate a ship around the entire world without a map, I can navigate this dead-end relationship! You understand me– ”

The yelling faded away along with the still angry steps down the hall. After a moment of silence, Usopp commented, “Wow… Glad I’m not that guy.”

“ …So, dollface gives girl-gay guy friend relationship advice huh?” Angel asked with a squinted look of genuine consideration, one side of hands resting on his hips.

Cherri gave a slightly offended eyebrow raise at that. “I can give ya plenty of advice, Angel babe!”

“I think ’m gonna need more ta work with than ‘Just fuck ‘em’, Cherri…”

The swordsman ignored the byplay to scoff, “Guess so. I’m just surprised she cares enough to bother at all.”

“Oh, that’s cause– uh…” after a quick glance around, the puppet came in closer to whisper, “She doesn’t want Princess Charlie or her girlfriend finding out cause she’s afraid they’ll charge us for rent and all the food Luffy ate, but Prince Stolas let us use his book to go back to Laugh Tale and get our– sorry, HER treasure. Since then, she’s been helping him out with some stuff to pay him back, though it’s not an official thing… He’s a really nice guy and we’re friends, so I’m glad she’s looking out for him! We were gonna sneak Luffy into the Noble District next weekend to introduce them.”

“ …For real? So she’s absolutely loaded now and still trying to con me into paying off the fake-ass damn debt I owed her in life?! And of course we’re not gonna see a single beri of that! That woman– ”

“Don’t you dare talk about Miss Nami that way swords for brains– !”

Later Angel did, in fact, approach the woman. Presumably looking for guidance as to how to initiate an actual relationship with Husk instead of merely staring at the man and hoping that the coward would figure out he was allowed to make a move. Alastor found the matter to be immensely boring, with the only point of interest having been the spider’s cry of outrage at hearing Nami charged for her informal service, to which he bartered Cherri Bomb’s and his own silence concerning her reclaimed treasure. Much to Nami’s displeasure. That was certain to become another argument between her and the three Straw Hat men who’d been in the vicinity for that conversation. After their conversation which Alastor didn’t bother listening in on, he did notice that the navigator didn’t remain upset with Angel for the con, instead becoming more partial than she had been previously with his underlying flirtatious attitude. So Angel’s story must’ve drawn at least a bit of sympathy from the woman.

Regardless, there was some information of value Alastor had gained from his watchful eye over happenings concerning the navigator. The first being that the captain’s previous statement of the woman “liking money” had been a vast understatement. Her greed was so extensive, a fight had nearly broken out when she’d caught Husk cheating in a poker game against her and when Husk hissed back about how the woman herself was also cheating. It had taken Angel Dust excitedly calling out for a “cat fight” and thus redirecting both participants’ ire at his person to avert the potential weather damage to the lobby carpet.

The second thing to note was that the woman was one of the more intelligent of the crew along with being the savviest. While the doctor had proven to make for intelligent conversation and had more wisdom than one would assume, he also almost contradictorily possessed a child-like naivety about more worldly matters. Even with Chopper having lost enough of his fear towards Alastor to approach his tower for subsequent conversation, the Radio Demon still finds it all too simple to joke about having eaten an orphan or two before the other’s arrival, allowing the deerling to freak out for a good twenty seconds before clarifying that he had, indeed, been joking. And perhaps one instance of falling for this deceit would have been understandable, but truly, the third time of falling for it is two too many… Not that Alastor minded all too much, as he’d yet to lose his amusement for the jest, but still.

Therefore, in consideration that there were still some questions Alastor was looking to investigate… he decided that Nami was the most favorable Straw Hat to question.

“Salutations, dear navigator! Or perhaps you would prefer to be considered the treasurer? Aha! I do so amuse myself sometimes.”

The woman gave a particularly cat-like shriek, having been caught off guard by Alastor’s sudden presence in the hallway directly behind her. Her ears stood on end as she whipped around to face him.

Rather than continue the fearful display, though, Nami switched to crossing her arms. She forced an irritated suspicious out into prominence in a notably attempt to regain ground. “D-Don’t do that! I may be in charge of the money, but I’m the navigator through and through. You don’t have to call me that instead of my actual name though… What do you want?”

Finding a striking resemblance in attitude between the two cat-form sinners on the premise, Alastor found himself commenting, “Hmm… Cats have a tendency towards being testy, don’t they.”

“You’re really going with THAT– ?!”

“Oh shush now, no need for that,” he allowed his voice to drop into feedback for just the short word, radio dial eyes flashing in time to properly intimidate the other.

When Nami promptly dropped her snap of anger to retreat back towards the wall with a quiet eek, Alastor immediately resumed his casual pleasantries, “There we go! I’d like to state for the record that I’m not usually one to raise my tone against a lady, but attempting to treat me in a similar fashion to those dunderheads is no good at all! It seems that we’ll be working together for some time, so let’s try to get along, shall we?”

“More like we’ll be working together forever…” the word was spoken with a distinctly distressed sort of exasperation, before Nami pulled herself together enough for a cat-eyed glare, “If you aren’t looking for a fight, don’t say things that’ll start one! Now what is it already?”

With a pleasant hum, Alastor went straight to the crux of things, “You see, I’d like to inquire as to some background knowledge concerning our dear captain. Specifically in the context of his apparent divinity. I assume you’re aware of it? None of you lot bother to speak of it, but whenever I’ve mentioned him being a God in passing, the statement is accepted without any confusion. Well, outside of the captain himself that is. So as the brightest of the group, I thought you may be the best to ask after!”

As he expected, the woman gained a pridefully pleased gleam to her expression at the compliment, but it wasn’t quite enough. She also predictably gained a slyly cattish smirk as she ‘innocently’ offered, “Oh– is that so? Well, I guess I may know something about that. But it just wouldn't be good practice to give that kind of info out for free.”

“I have no issues with providing proper compensation.” Frankly, people that vied for monetary compensation tended to be the easiest to deal with. Without missing a beat, he manifested the piece he’d acquired previously for this exact purpose, a shining golden chain necklace ending in a brilliantly scarlet, sizable gem pendant.

“Did you know that in Hell, Blood Diamonds are a literal expression? I thought it might suit your tastes…”

Nami’s eyes were practically sparkling as he held the jewelry out to her. It was snatched away in an instant, the navigator jumping right to tapping and scratching at the diamond to apparently test its validity, before moving onto the gold chain itself. She then quickly deemed it to be of an acceptable quality and stowed away the treasure into the sizeable storage of her fur cleavage. When looking back at Alastor this time, Nami’s expression had shifted to one noticeably more approachable, though also somewhat sheepish. Like a cat who’d been caught with a canary that was supposed to be off limits.

“It’s great, thanks! You should’ve started with this! Though, uh… I was kinda playing up how much I really know about that stuff. Robin would be the best to talk to about it once she’s here, but I can tell you the basics.”

It seemed that she feared the possibility of him either retracting his payment should he find her response lacking or of him expressing his disappointment in a more violent manner, so he reassured her, “That would be sufficient for now. All I have to go off of are my own assumptions, so some concrete information would still be better than none.”

Nami’s face then dropped into one of careful thought as the woman considered how to phrase her explanation, “Well… Actually, I should start with this– You know about Devil Fruits, right?”

“Yes, but only vaguely so. I’d heard about them prior to meeting the captain but only in passing. He stated his rubbery properties were due to one, and then later mentioned descriptors for those of his crew who hold such a power. After prying into some more gossip from sinners of your world, I’ve also learned that those who eat these fruits are unable to swim, it’s mentioned as a common cause of death for those types, and that they seem to be categorized into three distinctions that cover animal transformation, elemental fusion, and what has only been described as everything else.”

“That’s about right yeah. So I don’t need to explain all of that part then thankfully. Well… you know how Chopper is a reindeer who ate the Human-Human Fruit? It’s kind of complicated, but essentially we all thought Luffy’s Devil Fruit was one of those everything else types, the Paramecia Gum-Gum Fruit that turned his body to rubber. But after he awakened it, which is kind of like unlocking a Fruit’s full abilities that’s really hard to do, it turns out its technically a Mythical Zoan that also features Paramecia-like properties, the Human-Human Fruit, Model: Nika. Nika used to be known as some kind of Sun God who was a warrior of freedom with a rubbery body, so after Luffy actually awakened the power… he kind of transforms into Nika, I guess. Does that make sense?”

…Well, that explained basically everything. He figured the freedom aspect but missed the Sun, despite having already made numerous mental comparisons. Can’t get them all though...

Mind tracing back the line of logic, Alastor found himself giving a non-committal hum, “So a human who’d consumed a Human-Human Fruit modeled after a God… How intriguing! I do believe you failed to give your own knowledge enough credit with that hesitant lead in, my dear. That was a perfectly plentiful explanation! I’m assuming where your information is lacking, then, is concerning details of the God Nika in question…?”

With a slight nod, Nami confirmed, “Yeah. We’d actually never heard of that legend before it was explained to us by someone who knew about Nika and saw Luffy in his Gear 5^th. Robin was the one who caught most of the info on that since she was the most interested and then tried following it up as well as she could. She’s the archeologist, so anything research or history related is all up her alley.”

“I see. I still find it rather peculiar that a pirate crew would even have an archeologist, though the captain had mentioned she was needed to find ‘the One Piece’ which I’d heard is what Gold Roger’s treasure is referred to. May I also inquire as to how a historian is required to find a pirate’s hidden stash? If it was an older one that would be understandable, but as far as I could tell the man was in infamy only some two decades ago.”

“ …Oh wow, that’s right– You have no idea about all that stuff, do you?” At the tensing of his smile and slight narrowing of his gaze, Nami quickly course corrected, waving her hands at him as she nervously insisted, “N-No, I don’t mean that in a bad way! What you gave me is enough payment for this too! Especially since you should really be told anyway as part of the crew… So anyways, let me tell you about how we got to Laugh Tale, what we found there other than the treasure treasure, and how Luffy deposed the ruler of the world and dismantled the world government– ”

“What was that last one?”

“You heard me right the first time…”

Needless to say, it proved to be a very, very enlightening conversation. Worth every penny of that necklace he’d given her, though his perspective was of one who didn’t really care for accumulating wealth outside of having enough to tend to his own comforts. The new information turned in his mind for some time, considerations for new plots brewing along with it.

It wasn’t too long after their conversation that the navigator declared to the Straw Hats that it was time for a shopping trip, and if they needed to get anything they should do so now while she was available to check the necessity of their purchases as the holder of all their fortune. Luffy just saw it as an opportunity for a group outing, excited to be out and about with even more of his crew on hand. Alastor predicted that he would be invited by Luffy, but had not anticipated that the doctor to come up along with him to additionally extend the invitation. Still, though, he declined the offer much to both their disappointment. He not only had no provisions in need of attaining, but also did not wish to spend any extended amount of time with the two undesirables who would also be going. And the sniper and navigator would likely feel more secure with his lack of presence regardless.

However, he recognized the wonderful potential for unbridled chaos in this outing, and thus sent his shadow to stalk the pirates. He was not disappointed in the slightest.

The affair had begun harmless enough. It seemed that they had been able to get most of their shopping done. The cook perused the food options of Hell, Nami browsed through the fashion for pieces that suited her tastes, the puppet investigated the various gadgets of VoxTek much to Alastor’s own displeasure, Chopper bought some sweets, and of course the swordsman just bought more alcohol, though it was a particular sake Husk likely didn’t feature at the bar rather than his usual beer. The pirates had the sense to ensure one other member was with Zoro at all times to prevent the man from becoming inexplicably lost again.

Alastor hadn’t expected the captain to get anything, or if he did it would merely be a turkey leg snack or something along those lines. So he’d been somewhat surprised to see Luffy enter the same shop Usopp had taken interest in. However, rather than come out with any sort of shiny new device, he instead procured a rather retro-looking radio, the style much too outdated for anything of VoxTek’s brand.

“These’re one ‘a those radios right? So I’ll be able to hear Al now when he’s talkin’ on his!”

“Right. Though, uh… I’m not sure you’ll actually want to listen to his station. He hasn’t done anything as bad as what he used to yet, but what if he plays the screams of the eternally suffering and dying again someday?! It’d just come on and we wouldn’t be able to turn it off! It’s terrifying just imagining it!”

“I don’t think he’ll do that unless he gets really angry or somethin’.”

“That doesn’t help!”

From up in his tower, Alastor couldn’t help the way his smile grew into something particularly pleased with a brief chuckle, leaning over his control panel with his elbows set on the surface and his chin propped up by his hands. The captain hadn’t needed to buy a radio, he would’ve gladly conjured one of his usual style for the other upon his request, but the fact that Luffy had independently wished to get one in the first place simply to listen to the Radio Demon’s station was… Well, it was downright endearing. Perhaps some chocolate-filled beignets for dessert tonight would make for a good reward? The deerling would also enjoy them…

Just as he’d initially predicted, though, the relatively peaceful shopping trip soon came to an abrupt end. This occurred in the form of a mass of gangsters pulling up out of the alleyways and nook and crannies of the streets in a clear hit attempt. An extravagant one at that, seeing as they numbered up to a good hundred or so total, multiple gangs likely having been hired. They bore guns not of Carmilla Carmine’s make, but the sleeker designs of Vox’s covert under-the-table non-brand associated weaponry. Which while they failed to provide the angelic ammunitions Carmilla had an essential monopoly on, still had perfectly functioning normal bullets along with some more taser-like options. Among their many numbers, there was likely only a handful baring non mass-produced holy arms.

The trembling trio promptly freaked out at the sight of the many, many guns pointed their way, diving behind the nearest dumpster. Zoro and Sanji, in contrast, both stepped forward in clear anticipation, smirks growing onto their faces. Brandishing his swords including the blade of heavenly steel and white handle he equipped to his main mouth as usual, the asura demon was the one to pose, “Wanna let us take a stab at them instead of you thinning them out, Luffy? It’s been too long since I had anyone to go against other than the idiot cook here.”

“Right back at ya, mosshead! My legs could use the exercise!”

“Okay!” the captain joyfully agreed.

The mob open fired at that point. Clangs of steel blocked bullets headed the swordsman’s way while the cook leaped high into the air. Luffy’s elastic body caught any bullets attempting to pierce his person as usual, though he did noticeable shift his head and frame to avoid the shining flash of a couple heavenly bullets that were hidden amongst the mix, seemingly being able to distinguish them with ease.

“Tch. With only this many, it’ll take less than ten minutes to kick the shit outta these bastards.”

“Are ya gettin’ slow, swirly brow? If we don’t have this done in less than five minutes, you must really be losing your touch!”

“I’ll show you who’s slow! Whoever finishes off the least pays up!”

“I’ll take that bet!”

And with that, the two were off. Alastor truly hoped the Vees had not anticipated any actual success with this hit and this was merely a method to gather more information on the captain via the VoxTek drones hovering about, because if they had expected anything else, Vox was even dumber than Alastor had given him credit for. He hadn’t been so stupid as to only arm the gangs with guns considering his main target’s immunity, but it was clear that the variety of knives, swords, and other forms of blade-based weaponry would be of no use. Even just the captain’s self-proclaimed wingmen tore through the lot of them like paper. And with the captain himself excitedly tossing himself into the fray to partake in the fun, Alastor believed the swordsman’s estimate of the fight taking less than five minutes to be fully accurate.

Upon seeing their opponent’s doomed fate for themselves, the other three slowly crawled out of their hiding spot to simply stand at the sidelines and watch. They hosted commentary amongst themselves.

“So… do we know who Luffy pissed off this time?”

“This is probably from that Overlord Valentino and his allies, right? Angel said something about Luffy beating the guy up for him.”

“Ahhh that would do it, yeah.”

“I… I feel kind of bad for these guys, actually. They really didn’t know what they were getting into.”

“You could say that again! Even I can take out these chumps! Heh– they should all be thankful the great Usopp has a sore wrist to– ”

Suddenly cutting himself off, the sniper showcased a set of incredible reflexes as he immediately pivoted to face the building off to the side of them with a large slingshot in hand. One shot exploded midair, colliding with the bullet that only just shot out.

The follow up shot landed home in one of the upper windows of the building. Rather than setting off into an explosion, a burst of green shown from the window that left the presumed sniper inside cursing. Alastor was rather taken aback by the happening. His shadow had been so focused on watching the show, he hadn’t thought to check the surrounding area for backup. Admittedly a rather foolish mistake…

“Green Star: Devil! Oh damn, that was kind of a close one!”

“Someone shot at us?!” Chopper cried while falling back behind the sniper. The navigator sent the window a similarly wary look.

“So… who’s gonna be the one to go get the guy? Cause it’s definitely not me!”

“You can literally shoot people with lightening.”

“That doesn’t mean I wanna be the one doing the dirty work! What if some of the stuff I bought gets messed up?! That’s wasted money right there!”

Oh for goodness sake– Rather than endure the squabble any further, Alastor’s shadow slunk its way into the room with the sniper. What greeted him was the rather interesting sight of a giant venus flytrap taking up the majority of the space. There was a muffed cry of a person attempting and failing to fight their way out, until the attempt was no longer a failure. A handy knife cut a hole from the inside out of the plant to release a now wet-looking imp onto the floor.

“FUCK!” the imp’s tail shook with a rattle-like sound in time with the curse as he began to clean himself off, before he caught sight of Alastor’s shadow, and then Alastor himself as he materialized from the darkness to stand over him. Spiraling eyes trailed up his form to stare at the serrated teeth of the Radio Demon’s grin. “ …Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed,” was all he said a tendril bodily tossed the western-looking imp out the window.

Alastor ignored the shrieking cries of the trio as he materialized once again in front of the imp hitman that was now slightly splattered onto the ground, but seemed well enough for his arms to push himself back up. Alastor’s shadows were quick to wrap around the other in a bind. In an act of consideration, he placed himself between the three shocked pirates and the imp despite the enemy likely no longer being a threat.

He then blinked down at the sight of Chopper stepping up to hide behind the back of his legs while taking a look at their attacker, though by hiding his face rather than the rest of his body.

“Other way around, deerling.” With a yelp, the reindeer corrected his form. Alastor gave him a short head pat. “There you go! Now, as for our little miscreant here– Who do you work for? Not only do you bear angelic bullets, you were much too smart about your strategy in comparison with the efforts of the other gangsters to be actively working with them, and you clearly weren’t targeting the Straw Hat Demon like they are.”

“He used angelic bullets?! That could’a killed us killed us!” Usopp belatedly cried in fear, moving to hide behind Nami who hissed in a cat-like manner at the puppet for attempting to use her as shield.

Now kneeling over the ground, the imp threw his head back to push his cowboy hat out of his eyes, glaring up at the Radio Demon in a show of defiance. He spoke with a Wrath-Ring western drawl, “Ya really expect me to be givin’ up my clients like that?”

“Not necessarily. But fair warning that if you do not, I shall instead be forced to consume your flesh live on air with the hope that your client happens to be listening to my segment, such that I may properly send a message to them. I don’t particularly care which path you take in that regard.”

There were three resounding high-pitched squeaks from behind him. The reindeer released the hold he’d had of Alastor’s legs to fall back head over hooves and land into the crouching huddle of Nami and Usopp, the three once again trembling together this time in fear of the Radio Demon rather than the demon who’d just attempted to assassinate one of them. Smart of them, really. He was the one much more deserving of fear between the two.

“ …Yeah, I don’t care nearly enough ‘bout that bitch to be makin’ a stand for her,” the imp quickly gave up his veil of professionalism to spill the tea, “Stella of the Ars Goetia hired me to kill some ‘a Prince Stolas’s ‘temp security crew’, is what they called themselves. To send a message, as ya can guess.”

“Stolas’s ex?!” the puppet cried out in time with Chopper’s wordless yelp, the two crouching together further. In contrast, the cat abruptly stood up to shout, “That harpy bitch?!”

…That wasn’t totally unexpected, but the answer was somewhat disappointing. He’d been hoping it was another Overlord or other potential sinner enemy the Straw Hat’s had gained in life, such that he could confront them more directly if he so desired. But dealing with the Hellborn Goetia always came with it a bothersome amount of politicking that usually wasn’t worth the hunt. He’ll just have to make sure he leaves a strong impression, then.

“Is that so? Well then, how about in exchange for allowing you to leave here with your life, you send a message to your client for me…” Using the mic-head of his cane, Alastor forcibly tipped the imp’s head up by the chin such that the hitman could do nothing but sneer at him. The Radio Demon greeted the look with a sharp sort of smile.

“This temp security crew is actually part of the following of a divine being who is now amongst our kind. Should an attempt be made against them again, if you are lucky, the God will be the one to deal with you.” Alastor gestured his head back towards the laughing Monkey behind them, who was very clearly at the end of beating up the helpless gangsters. “And if you are not lucky, I will be the one to deal with you. This goes for both you and your employer. Do we have an understanding?”

The imp’s eyes blew out wide at the mention of the divine, before wincing at the threat. Though not yet cowed enough to keep from quipping, “Why the fuck were ya even out here with ‘em? They left the hotel hours ago!”

“Ha! Are you truly so daft? Very well, allow me to spell it out for you. I am not here on the behalf of the Hazbin Hotel or even Princess Charlie Morningstar herself– ” leaning down such that the imp was unable to look away from the Radio Demon’s ever-sharpening grin, he quieted his tone to emphasize his words and their distortion.

“I am here on behalf of the God. An attack upon his following I consider to be the same as an attack upon my person, and I am truly doing you a great kindness by allowing you the chance to act as my messenger-imp rather than simply killing you amidst your pathetic groveling. Now, do we have an understanding?”

“ …I hear ya loud ‘n’ clear, Sir.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear!”

When he released the blanching hitman, the imp quicky rushed onto his feet. He scurried off into the alley like a frightened rat, and the Radio Demon let out a short burst of laughter at the amusing sight.

At the feeling of something clutching at his legs once more, Alastor’s laughter trailed off as he looked down to see the reindeer was holding onto him again, though this time looking up at him with a warm smile.

“Ch-Chopper?!” the now proven sniper called out in confusion. Winning an unseen surprise quickdraw against a gun using a slingshot was a fairly significant demonstration of skill, despite the man’s tendency for cowering.

“Stop being a scaredy-cat, Usopp! Al helped us! Thanks, Alastor!”

He plainly responded, “There’s no need for such pleasantries. I was annoyed that the imp had made past my notice.”

Usopp interjected with concern once again, “Hang on, since when did you get here?! Was that you I felt watching us that whole time?!”

“It was indeed.”

“You were literally stalking us?! That’s too creepy!”

“He was watching out for us though! To protect us! Awww~ ya really didn’t need ta Alastor~ We can handle ourselves ya know!” caught up in the assumptions of his own importance, the reindeer began that bashful wiggling of his. Alastor withheld an unimpressed sigh at the sight of it.

“I truly wasn’t. I was watching because I’d rightfully believed that you lot would provide some entertainment.”

The navigator gave a withering sigh, “That really is creepy, Chopper. You’ve got the wrong idea… But Alastor’s not too bad, Usopp. You should give him more credit than that.”

“Huh?! Since when was that your take?! Actually, since when did Chopper start liking him?!”

“He pays well.” That was the beginning and end of the woman’s reasoning.

“THAT’S the logic you’re going with?! I don’t know why I expected anything else!”

On the other hand, the doctor somehow managed to give a reasoning even more inane, “We talked a couple days ago and found out we actually have a lot in common! More than the deer thing– cause I’m a reindeer dammit! We bonded over how Luffy accepted us both as lonely monsters.”

Alastor’s grin pulled taunt in displeasure. “I have literally never said ANYTHING even remotely resembling that statement...”

“You implied it! And I could feel it, cause we’re both deer! …Wait, no! That’s not right! Dammit!”

“I mean, you’re both a type of deer– no wait why am I adding to this?! And even if he’s part deer, he’s still a human! He’s not an actual deer like Chopper!” the sniper rushed to pull himself out of Chopper’s line of thought.

And, solely because he saw an opportunity to fuck with the man, Alastor leaned forward just slightly towards the other to pose with a smile, “Are you certain about that?”

“ …Oh god don’t mess with me like this, PLEASE!!! Also, was it really a good idea to talk about Luffy being a God like that to some random hitman?! I know it’ll scare the guy and Stella off more, but that seems like it could cause more trouble in other ways…”

With a noncommittal hum, Alastor just turned away from the fretful looking puppet to watch as Luffy excitedly approached them, the ‘battle’ now decidedly over within a grand total of three minutes. “It’s of no concern. It won’t be long until all of the Ring knows of the captain’s being, regardless.”

“H-Huh? What do ya mean by that– ”

Usopp was promptly cut off as the captain’s arms wound themselves around Alastor’s upper torso above where the reindeer was still clinging to him, calling out joyfully, “ALASTOR! You’re here! Shishishi! Can ya get Zoro for us?”

“Hey, good timing red ears. That shitty swords for brains got himself lost in the middle of the goddamn battle, that piece of shit! It hadn’t even been five shitty minutes with him being out of sight– ”

“But of course he did,” he interrupted the cook before the man could get further into his complaints. Dissolving into shadow to retract out of the bothersome hugging, Alastor rematerialized but a couple feet over before tapping the end of his cane to the ground three times. From the spot the cane had made contact, a pool of darkness swirled about to spit out the missing swordsman. Zoro at first looked surprised by the sudden change in location before gaining an annoyed scowl.

“Huh? Oh, there you guys are. Can’t believe you just wandered off like that in the middle of a fight– ”

“THAT WAS YOU DAMMIT!!!!”

Rather than echo the resounding anger, Usopp instead exclaimed in awed shock, “W-Wait, Alastor can summon Zoro back from being lost? For real?!”

In a very matter of fact tone, Sanji momentarily calmed down enough to affirm, “That’s right yeah. We finally put a tracker on that shitty mosshead! Al’s even been keeping Luffy out of the kitchen by hiding it from him with magic or somethin’.”

“Seriously?! That’s incredible!” Nami gasped while raising a hand to her mouth, evidently impressed, only for her tone to lower down into a forlorn sigh, “If only he wasn’t a serial killer cannibal, he would’ve been the perfect recruit otherwise…” What happened to ‘he’s not too bad, he pays well’…?

Ignoring the back and forth, Luffy just threw an arm around Alastor’s shoulders to lean into him with a laugh, “Yay! With Al here we can have even more fun now! Haha! Take us somewhere, Alastor!”

While he permitted the less restrictive hold this time, Alastor declined the suggestion, “There’s no need for that. I merely dropped by to handle the matter those other three had gotten themselves involved in whilst you were preoccupied. I’ll just be on my way now, and you all can go back to your– ”

“No! I want you to join us too, Alastor!” Chopper exclaimed with insistence, stepping forward to give a pathetically pleading fawn-eyed look, “You’re supposed to be part of the crew now too, but you haven’t been able to spend any time with all of us together. That’s not right!”

Narrowing his gaze on the little deerling, he kept his tone politely level, “Well you see, it’s not a matter of capability so much as it is willingness– ”

“None of that, Al. Chopper’s right you know,” to his surprise, this time Sanji spoke up, speaking plainly as he lit a cigarette for himself, “Luffy’s not just gonna let you be off by yourself all the time, so you better get used to dealing with being around all of us together. It’s not even actually all of us yet since we’re still missing the beautiful Miss Robin and those other guys.”

“Everything’s more fun when we’re all together, right?” the captain chimed in as though to prove the man’s point.

Before Alastor could press his rejection, Zoro scoffed at the other’s efforts, “Come on guys, just let red ears do what he wants. If he’s too scared to be around us, that’s his own deal.”

The sound of a loud record scratch cut through the air, causing the trembling trio to cover their ears and step back and away from the Radio Demon with a fearful wince. Alastor’s grin was now pulled fully taunt and sharp as his eyes quickly darted at the swordsman with a twitch.

“That. Is an absurd notion. My withdrawal from participating in your inane activities is not a show of fear.”

The annoying swordsman just sent a rather irritating smirk at him, shrugging. “Really, huh? Then prove it.”

“I will not fall for this poorly concealed farce!”

“Who said anythin’ about this being a ‘farce’? I’m being serious when I say I think you’re a damn coward for being too nervous to hang out with any of us other than Luffy! Do you even know how much special treatment he’s given you cause of how damn sensitive you are? He definitely wouldn’t let any of us skip out on all going out together just cause we wanted to be moody about it!”

After a series of too many eye-twitches as the idiot progressed further and further with his bullshit, Alastor finally had to growl, “Oh you infuriating imbecile– Fine! Very well, then, if you’re so insistent on retaining the grace of my presence, I have the perfect place for us to enjoy the rest of this wonderful day!” It was with the thought of that place in mind that Alastor transitioned out of his fuming rage and into a mean grin of anticipation, knowing very well that a certain portion of the group would come to regret that the swordsman had put up so much of a fuss.

Upon hearing that they would be headed to Cannibal Town, the fearful puppet cried out that he’d contracted the “I’ll-die-if-I-go-to-Cannibal-Town Disease”. Alastor merely chimed with false cheer about how fortunate it was for the man that his crew’s doctor was one capable of curing any disease, with the doctor in question too busy crying in fear to contribute to the point one way or another. He then forcibly dragged Usopp into the darkness with even more fear inducing shadowy tentacles. The navigator, who’d been in the middle of attempting to flee in panic, was pulled in next.

The captain simply jumped into the shadowy pit with a bark of inane laughter, not even having to be asked to make his way yet. When a stronger set of tendrils dragged in both the cook and the swordsman together, they were too preoccupied with pushing the others’ face out of the way in disgust to redirect their anger towards Alastor where it rightly belonged. And with only the still crying reindeer left, Alastor was free to lean down slightly and plainly explain to the creature that in the case of the cannibals of Cannibal Town, they truly did only consume human flesh –or rather, human-derived flesh considering the wide variety of hybrid forms demons tended to showcase. Ironically, the puppet’s mostly wooden form was one of the few that the cannibals would find not worth the effort of the hunt, not that he planned on informing the amusing coward. This consoled Chopper considerably, though the boy was still clearly disturbed to some degree.

“Um, Alastor… I’m sorry, but I’m still kinda scared to go into your, uh– shadow portal thing… Can you hold my hand and go together with me?” He held up a hoof towards Alastor at the request. The Radio Demon just stared at it for a brief second.

“I would think you old enough to handle being in the dark, at least.”

“It’s not that, it’s just– scary in general! P-Please?”

“ …I will release it immediately upon our arrival, you understand,” with a sigh, Alastor accepted the small hoof, still finding the situation to be somewhat ridiculous even as he went with the path of least resistance.

“Yay! Thanks Alastor! I knew you liked me, ya bastard~ ”

“Are you trying to provoke me into rescinding my offer?”

“S-Sorry!”

Once in Cannibal Town, the three cowards huddled together while the three muscle-heads strolled about the place. Alastor was glad to see that Lucifer had kept to his word and the town was already fully repaired from the Red Dog’s magma, left in better shape than it had been before the siege. He dropped by the Emporium to collect Rosie for a surprise late lunch, then they all made their way to a charming café that was at the edge of town, one of the only places that survived other food items besides human remains in consideration to visitors.

He introduced the Overlord to the three new additions, and while they were all initially wary of the cannibal, tensions relaxed throughout the evening. The only real sticking point had been how the majority of the Straw Hats relocated to a separate table upon both Rosie’s and Alastor’s order of a multitude of human body parts being served, unable to stomach the sight. He was pleased to see that, along with the captain, the reindeer actually decided to stay at the table despite his distinctly uncomfortable expression and non-human meal. Chopper usually couldn’t handle being around Alastor when he was partaking in venison. Upon the creature’s explanation that technically, to him the consumption of human beings was just somewhat more unsettling than eating any other animal besides his own kind, Alastor conceded that the logic made sense even as the puppet cried out in despair.

When Luffy had quickly finished his own order of beef ribs, Rosie offered him some of their human ribs, which the boy declined though with a somewhat surprising response…

“Oh yeah, no thanks. When Al talked about eating people when we first met, after he left I tried some ‘a the meat he left behind, and it was kinda weird. Wasn’t really sure if I liked it or not.”

Upon hearing the clatter of a chair screeching back to fall to the ground from behind him, Alastor preemptively turned to the now standing stone-faced cook to defend himself, “Just to be clear, the emphasis of my cannibalistic tastes was intended as a form of intimidation, not as a suggestion.”

However, even as he explained the circumstances, he still turned back to the boy once again to tempt him, “But dear captain, the selection I brought out that day was a quite a poor one. If you are truly interesting in trying human flesh, you should try some of the selections here– ”

“You are NOT turning our captain into a shitty CANNIBAL, shitty red ears!!!”

“Oh my– I know it’s not for everyone, but there’s no need ta be rude ‘bout our preferences, young man!”

The simpleton outright flinched at the woman’s reprimand. “I– I sincerely apologize, Madam Rosie! I just… really don’t want to have to cook that kind of food…”

Leaning just a bit closer to his friend to gesture a hand towards her, Alastor chimed with a mean sort of joy, “Is that so? That’s most unfortunate, then. You are quite the chef, after all! I’m sure darling Rosie here would have loved the chance to partake in some of your cooking, and while she can technically eat other types of food, human flesh is the only type which truly nourishes the cannibals. Would you not consider the possibility of trying your hand at such dishes for the honorable purpose of hosting such a delightful lady?”

Rosie’s miffed expression turned into one of curious anticipation at Alastor’s suggestion. He relished at the sight of the crisis flashing through the cook’s eyes, the man’s mind being torn back and forth between his distaste for cannibalism and his refusal to disappoint a woman and even worse, let her go hungry. Perhaps it was a mercy that the decision was taken from him in the form of Nami knocking Sanji unconscious with a powerful staff strike to the back of the head. Though Alastor himself was a bit disappointed in the outcome. Given long enough, he’s certain that the chef would’ve caved!

Overall, Alastor was somewhat shocked that the outing had gone as well as it had, and that after a considerable adjustment period, even the timider of the pirates were able to settle in enough to enjoy the other selections the café had to offer and even the pleasantry of Rosie’s company and conversation. And while he himself didn’t care for Chopper’s ‘cuter’ form, he could take appreciation in his friend’s enthusiasm for the adorable creature. When Rosie cheerfully invited them all to return for another luncheon sometime, none of the others looked discomforted by Luffy’s eager agreement. After whisking away the others with a swirl of darkness, however, Alastor took one extra moment to make a certain request.

“My dear, this has been a more splendid evening than I had anticipated, so I do so regret spoiling the mood by asking something of you…”

“Oh, none ‘a that now, Alastor! Ya know you can ask lil ol’ Rosie for anythin’! So what is it ya need?”

“Well you see, I will be making a certain announcement on tomorrow’s broadcast that may not be taken as seriously as it should be. I was hoping that you might assist in influencing the public’s opinion to sway in my favor? You and your cannibals are quite adept at getting the word out on these sorts of matters.”

While she sent him an intrigued glance, Rosie readily agreed, “While I can’t make any promises ‘til I hear exactly what you’re announcin’, I’ll do my best with whatever it is. Ya got me curious now though, Alastor. It’s been a while since ya made any big broadcasts!”

“Thank you, dear. I’d hate to ruin the surprise! Though I do admit, it will not be one of the more exciting segments I used to favor. Aha! But I believe it will lead to some entertaining happenings, regardless,” and with a vague, curling grin to match the uncertainty of his intentions, Alastor bid his fellow Overlord a proper farewell.

If the events that had occurred earlier that day had proven anything, it was that he’d been right in his belief that the captain’s presence had yet to make as many waves as it should have. If those hitmen had known better, they never would have even made an attempt against the divine being and his following no matter how much money was being promised to them. While the sinners at large knew the boy to be a figure to watch for due to his public defeat of Valentino and infraction upon the Vees, knowledge as to the God’s defeat of Eve was unfavorable to the Morningstars and thus kept purposefully under wraps. Alastor himself would hesitate to make that matter publicly known as well, considering it intrinsically involved the context of his own enslavement. But not even the detail of the captain being capable of breaking Soul Contracts was known, since obviously the Vees would never advertise such a thing even with the conspicuous absence of their famed porn star.

Alastor is aware, though, that the respect his captain was due would come to him eventually. He’s certain that given enough time, Luffy would end up either using his divine form in the city proper or breaking another Contract in a more public setting. But as far as he was concerned… there was nothing wrong with speeding up the timeline of things, so to speak.

“Salutations my dear listeners, your favorite Radio Demon is on the air once more with a bit more significant news to share than usual,” he began as he usually would, keeping his tone purposefully light despite knowing where the segment was headed. Though he was fairly certain he failed to keep the smirk of his grin out of his words, “Now, I know what many of you may be thinking– Something even more momentous than what I usually deign to speak of? What a frightening thought! And I can assure the more cowardly sinners now that this will not be a return to the screams of prior broadcasts. At least not for today. Haha!”

Turning in his seat to lean fully into the backrest, Alastor’s claws curled against his mic in a similar manner to the sharp curl of his smile, his tone twisting with them, “No. Because today, dear listeners, I have the pleasure– nay, the honor of speaking as the herald of the coming age! Though many have failed to realize it yet, a new era is upon us! And it is one worthy of celebration!” His other hand stretched out wide in a grand gesture, the words moving through him even when there was no one to see.

“For a savior of the Heavens has come to join us down in this pit of Hell. Not a being of such hopeless concepts of redemption or mercy, but one of a truer force. That of Freewill. The very thing that brought upon the temptations which led humanity to suffer in damnation, and yet in turn is often somehow paradoxically out of reach to most people. In death, falling under the restrictive control of those more powerful is even more common than in life. Therefore, those of you who happen to be amongst the contracted should be filled with joy! There now exists the chance that your pathetic soul may yet be saved! For the Sun God of freedom has come to bring upon the missing dawn to the darkness of this Ring and the sinners who inhabit it!”

Through the radio waves, the Radio Demon felt out the reactions to his declarations. The radio of the God in question was easy to locate, with the captain himself merely still in blank confusion while a mixture of his crew and the Hazbin residents gathered around the device in a frenzied spectrum of shock. The radio Vox had assumedly procured to replace the one he’d broken was also easily tracked, the Overlord having spit out that disgusting instant brew he attempted to pass off as coffee when he choked on his drink.

All around the city, sinners stopped in the midst of their day to listen to his words, ranging from not yet comprehending surprise, to shock, to disbelief, to that ever so fragile feeling of hope– The Radio Demon had the full attention of any who was within hearing range of his broadcast, and he relished in that spotlight.

“Now, there are likely some of you who merely assume I’ve finally fully lost my mind. And to that I say, I have indeed been insane for quite some time! But that doesn’t change the truth of my words. This Sun God does in fact exist, those of his world may even know the originating legend of Sun God Nika as well as the title he earned in life as King of the Pirates. He won the freedom of that world, and his power has only grown in death even when he’s taken to using a mortal form. Here in Hell, he has already in fact proven himself capable of forcibly breaking the Soul Contracts of Overlords. If any of you are in need of a testimony, the recently retired spider of the night Angel Dust can attest to this, along with his previous contractor Overlord Valentino of the Vees. Aha! Yes, you heard that right! For Straw Hat Luffy not only delivered a sound defeat to that moth man, he did so for the sake of the spider, freeing him and his soul from the pimp’s control! It was quite the showing I assure you, no matter how far-fetched it sounds! Though, if you would prefer to wait and watch what happens next, that should also be sufficient. There should be at least one soul willing to stake their chances on this endeavor, and I’m certain that will make for quite the show as well.”

Spinning to the side to lean further towards the mic, the Radio Demon’s antlers curled out as stretched as his serrated smile, the bittersweetness of temptation flowing freely in his words, “Regardless, sooner or later, you will all come to know this God’s power. And when you do, when you are ready to take that small step towards freedom, all one need simply do is come to the Hazbin Hotel! What a conveniently accessible location! Ha! Plead your case to the Sun God, Monkey D. Luffy! And should his whims sway towards your favor, with just the acknowledgment of your future lord and savior and perhaps some minor bribery, he will handedly take care of any messy soul business entrapping your person! A stupendous deal if I’ve ever heard one! Ahaha!”

He again rose one hand into the air, and then the other in time with his words. “So to the pitiful and suffering, rejoice! And to the powerful and thriving, beware! The winds of change will blow like a hurricane through this underworld! Centuries worth of foundations and order will break and fall under the pressure! The new era is already dawning upon the eternal night of this Hell! …No matter whether you desire it or not,” with a short cackling trill, Alastor shifted out of his more ominous tone to end back on his showman’s joviality, “And with that said, that’s all I have for you today, dear listeners. So farewell until next time! I’m sure that whenever that time comes, there will already be matters of interest to discuss. Hahahaha!”

With rather impeccable timing, as soon as Alastor disconnected himself from the air and pulled his visage back into order, the trapdoor leading up to his tower slammed open. Rather than the usual suspect, however, the orange hair and ears of the clearly fuming navigator popped up out of the opening. He wasn’t surprised by the change up though, turning in his seat with a smile to face the woman who stomped up to him. So overcome by her ire, she lost all sense of fear regarding his person or power.

“What the hell was THAT?!?! Are you crazy?! It sounded like you’re trying to make a cult out of Luffy or something!”

Alastor kept his tone deceptively casual as he explained, “That’s because I did indeed speak with the purpose of kickstarting his church down here. Yes.”

“…Wh– What?!”

“How did you phrase it previously? That’s right– You heard me right the first time…”

“ …You’re serious. You actually– are starting a CULT???” anger cutting away to bewilderment, cat eyes rapidly blinked at him for almost a solid half minute before Nami cut away to exasperation once more, “WHY?!?!”

“What God is without a proper following? And I’m not starting it. It’s not like I intend to lead the sheep or even have the captain himself do as such or anything of the sort. I foresee this organization being entirely tangential and separate to us, much like how fans flock about their celebrity of interest. Once enough people are taken by his power, I’m sure they’ll sort themselves out,” before Nami could start on a tirade at the non-answer, Alastor waved the issue away with what he knew was an irritating amount of carelessness, “The captain would have come to bring more widespread liberation at some point, I’m merely expediting the process. The Soul Contract system of Hell is much too contrary to his philosophy to have lasted with his extended presence. The fact that the captain is not up here himself to object is a testament to this. Do you disagree with that notion?”

Nami visually had to sort out her buzzing thoughts. “Well– yeah, but not like that! He doesn’t want people to see him as some kind of God!”

“Even if that’s the case, they will in fact see him as one regardless. You all may not stake much importance in his divinity, but down here amongst the sinners of the other world, that will be regarded as his most prominent characteristic. Just as it is impossible for the damned to look upon Lucifer without seeing the fallen angel and King of Hell, they will not be able to look upon his light without seeing a figure of divinity. We might as well accept the inevitable and take control of the narrative from the start,” at the woman’s further shock, Alastor merely gave a neutral shrug to go along with his assertions.

“There’s no need to fret too much about this, dearie. The way I see it, this is a win-win-win!” he counted off his points with his fingers as he spoke them, “The dear captain will get a proper start on his unintentional revolution to rid the place of something he detests and perhaps face one or two promising battles to entertain himself with in the process. Dear Charlie will benefit from newly freed sinners possibly considering the impossibility of redemption as they forge a new path forward, and many may not have anywhere to go after their deal is cut and will accept the hotel’s offering anyway. And as for me, well– if I can’t own anyone’s soul, then certainly no one else should be able to either! I am not above petty sabotage in regards to my so-called fellow Overlords! Haha!”

Shifting his gaze down to his claws in an obvious show of dismissal, Alastor concluded with a drawl, “But in any case, there’s nothing you can do about the matter now. Knowledge thrust into the public sphere cannot be retracted. Ask for forgiveness rather than permission, as they say. I do hope you understand. I’m simply playing the game to my favor.”

Ironically, he had thought the woman would be the most likely to take offense to his independent action. She was used to taking charge when both the captain and the first mate didn’t care enough to do so. He couldn’t care less about the swordsman’s opinion or even the navigator’s outside of her potential meddling, and as for the captain himself, he wouldn’t have attempted the venture if he’d thought Luffy would disagree with the principle.

There was a tense moment of silence. Alastor didn’t break his careful show of certainty no matter how long it went on for.

Until the navigator spoke in a low, severe voice, “ …Even for something like this, you have to give a selfish reason to do it? Honestly… Maybe that is the case… Maybe Luffy will end up helping these people, and maybe they will see him as a God for it, and maybe things down here will make a turn for the better for it. And maybe you really don’t care about that as long as you’re getting something out of it too. Whatever. Even if all of that is true… there’s just one thing that I absolutely won’t stand for– ”

He had to contain a jolt as a hand suddenly slammed down on the surface of the panel beside him. Alastor’s attention was forcibly drawn up its arm to look back at Nami, who fully stuck her face into his space without hesitation, expression cast in a scowl of unmoving determination.

“ –I won’t accept us taking money from these people! We cannot charge them for their freedom!”

He stared almost blankly at the woman, fully convinced he’d misheard her. Until he slowly realized that his sensitive hearing hadn’t failed him.

Alastor’s response was somewhat hesitant, not quite certain what to say, “That is… not the opinion I believed you would have, as it pertains to that matter.”

“Because I’m greedy? Yeah, I am! So what?! People’s lives are worth more than any currency of any world! It doesn’t matter if other people can and will put a price on it, I’ll pay their price when I need to, but I won’t acknowledge it! And neither will any of the others! It’s not right!”

Slamming her hand down onto the panel once again, the cat’s claws dug into the metal, a sign of her internal fist-clenching tension. Though Alastor couldn’t be bothered to glance back at the damage when he was still caught under the woman’s scornful glare.

“It’s awful… There’s nothing worse than working down to the bone, for years upon years, just to pay off some bullshit debt someone stronger decided to charge just because they can! Nothing worse than not having enough money to have the right to live! I’ve been there, and I won’t do that to anyone else! The only reason why Luffy isn’t up here to say the same thing is because he knows I won’t allow it! Do YOU understand ME?!”

There was another moment of stunned silence, this time from his end rather than the other way around as it had been previously. Nami didn’t break her display of complete certainty.

After the staring dragged on just a bit too long, Alastor conceded, breaking eye contact first to glance in a vague direction out the window to the side. “…I believe you are misunderstanding the intention behind my suggestion for sinners to bribe their way into the captain’s good graces. While collecting a fee would have some amount of practicality, the money itself is not the goal. It need not even be money, truly. The captain would certainly prefer people pay him through the offering of food, should someone think to do so.”

“What did you mean by it, then?” she questioned with a clear twinge of doubt.

“Well, consider this… If someone were to offer you full-fledged freedom, to give your very soul back to you with no conditions and no strings attached… Would you believe them? Without knowing Luffy, having met him for the very first time– would you believe him?”

He purposefully did not ask ‘did you believe him’, knowing it would be crass. It was safer to keep the question purely hypothetical. Then, in additional concession, he looked back at her to confess, “Because I know I didn’t. Certainly not. He’s such an outstandingly impossible person, I couldn’t believe in him until it was impossible for me not to.”

And with that, a gleam of pensive understanding slowly came upon Nami. Her claws unclenched themselves from the tracks they’ve left on the control panel.

“ …No. It’s too unbelievable, not without getting to know him.”

“Precisely. As unfair as it may be, nothing in life is free, and that statement only becomes truer in death when it comes to Hell. Our target audience are all people who’ve already found themselves caught on the end of one unfavorable deal, one that very likely happened upon them in a deceitful or underhanded way. If I were to have said they could claim their freedom for absolutely nothing in return… I doubt even the desperate would show up. By asking for something up front, even a pittance, they will feel more secure that we won’t ask for anything worse later on when their guard is down.”

“ …I guess that’s true.”

With a deep, somewhat exhausted sigh, Nami fully pulled away. “Fine. Luffy won’t mind if they bring him food, and it doesn’t have to be a lot. I guess in the sense of that damn God story you’re spinning, it wouldn’t look too weird to ask for food either. That’s a thing they do sometimes, right?”

Alastor finally allowed some of his own internal tension to bleed out now that the conflict had seemingly been resolved. His smile relaxing with it, he casually chimed, “Quite right. Though, I do have to admit, while I’m not one to tend towards collecting wealth for the sake of it, it will be somewhat of a missed opportunity. While from my understanding our funds are plentiful at the moment, the captain’s request to have a ship that can somehow traverse across the landbound Rings… Hopefully the Franky he mentioned will have some inventive way of accomplishing the feat without too extravagant of a cost! I suppose it doesn’t matter too much either way.”

“ …That’s his plan?!”

He found himself staring curiously at Nami, who by the tone of her exclamation, likely would have turned pale if not for the fur coat. “Yes? Has he not informed you all of that yet? He quite clearly outlined that he wished to, in this exact order; find his crew, find a ship, ‘adventure’ across the Pride Ring, and then ‘adventure’ across all the other Rings. And that having a ship specifically was an obligatory expectation regardless of the lack of ocean.”

Her hand coming up to cover her mouth in heavy consideration, Nami had another moment of silence. Her mind likely turned more from mental math and price estimations than thoughts.

She then hesitantly posed, “ ...I mean, surely most people could afford to pay like, what, $20? We can even lower it if we need to. It can be a– a donation, that’s right! And if they bring food, only $10! Even if it’s only a little, when enough people start coming through it will add up!”

“…”

Alastor gave it his best effort, he truly did. But as it was, after another pause of bewilderment, he couldn’t keep himself from falling into the most obnoxious laughter he had to offer–

“AHAHAHAHAHAH~ ”

“H-Hey! Stop laughing! I know it’s a bad look for me, alright?! But if we’re gonna need the money and don’t charge too much, it should still be okay!”

Leaning back with his hand covering his eyes from exertion, he did his best to cackle a response, “I– HAHAHA– I don’t understand– how you expect me to not find that entire farce of a conversation utterly hilarious now! AHAHAHA! You’re just as inane as the rest of them!”

“You think I don’t know that?! I said stop laughing already! At least I’m not the one trying to start a goddamn cult! Asking for $20 per person is much more reasonable in comparison!”

“If you’re trying to set the standard to the Radio Demon, the Overlord who gained infamy via public murder and eating people, you’ve already lost considerable moral ground!”

As though to add icing to the cake, back from the still open trapdoor where he’d had his head stuck out since around the woman’s switch up, Luffy cheerfully decided, “See, Zoro? I told ya Nami had it handled fine!”

Nearby the captain, Zoro groaned back in full exasperation, “You call this handled? She went up here to tell him off and ended up deciding the flat rate! I don’t know why I expected any better from the witch though– Ack– !”

“SHUT UP!!!”

The fiery redhead cut off the swordsman with the adept throw of her staff, hitting the first mate’s many heads to send him falling down the ladder leading to the trapdoor. Luffy just stared wide-eyed switching back and forth from the still irate woman down to where Zoro had fallen, before slowly retracting himself and closing the trapdoor after him.

Alastor just laughed all the harder for the utter absurdity of it all. He then dissolved into shadow before the predictable cat-claws to the head could land their blow. While he’d give the navigator the amount of respect due to her, he still wouldn’t permit her more forceful attempts at ordering him around.

Chapter Text

As Alastor expected, his radio broadcast had pushed things into motion. Though it’d drawn someone to the hotel sooner than he’d anticipated, coming within an hour of the broadcast. The type of person that had arrived was also entirely unanticipated, not even being a person stuck in a Soul Contract, but a man that had apparently known the Straw Hats in life.

Or at least Alastor assumed that with the way the guy immediately began prostrating himself at the captain’s feet as soon as he’d barged his way into the lobby. The hotel residents that happened to be around including Alastor himself were rather taken aback by the sight, but all the pirates looked upon the scene with exasperated acceptance. Zoro huffed under his breath, “Course Bartolomeo would show up for this…”

“Barto? When’d you die?”

“LUFFY-SENPAIIIIII~ I’m so happy I get ‘a see ya again!” the man sobbed, tears streaming down his face in total elation. His hands were clasped together as though in prayer as he knelt before Luffy, gazing up at him as one would their God. As was appropriate.

Alastor noted that while Bartolomeo did not seem to be of the cannibal race, he did exhibit cannibal features, having round solid black eyes, serrated teeth with protruding incisor fangs, and sharpened claws. Other than that however, his form was rather eclectic, with green hair styled in a mohawk that resembled a rooster’s plume and upon a second glance, seemed to be made of water to match the also green and watery thin tail that wagged behind him –a monkey tail like apparent his idol? Is this supposed to be a pun on Sea Monkeys? And the last detail cementing the man’s loyalty to the captain in both life and death, an outright tattoo of the Straw Hat jolly roger set within a simply designed sun that took up the entirety of his bare chest.

“I kicked the bucket pretty recently! The way I died was actually… kinda embarrassin’. We were in the middle of erecting the Sun God Luffy statue for the church when the Pirate Empress yelled at me for settin’ it crooked ‘n’ pushed me off my barrier platform. We happened to be by the sea, so I fell in and drowned… I knew she was out to get the title of Monkey D. Luffy’s #1 Fan from me!”

“You were erecting the what for the what now? And Boa really killed him just for that?!” Usopp incredulously whispered amongst the pirates.

Sanji scoffed at the notion, “Of course she would! He’s just an ugly man, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world! She can do whatever she wants! As she should!”

“I really don’t think you should agree with her killing someone just for something like that…”

“But I’m ashamed to say… the statue had definitely been crooked! I’m distraught at havin’ sullied yer memory, Luffy-senpai! I deserved death for such an offense!”

“YOU definitely shouldn’t be agreeing with her killing you!!!” Usopp outright snapped at the still sobbing fan.

It seemed that with how caught up in the moment he was, Bartolomeo either didn’t hear the reprimand or was ignoring it, moving on to explain to a somewhat befuddled looking Luffy, “But it’s clear to me now that I’d been meant to die at that time, because that means I can be here now! When I heard the Radio Demon’s broadcast– Oh, the chills! It was so beautiful, it brought me to tears! You can tell the guy really understands yer greatness and majesty, Luffy-senpai!”

Luffy spoke up for the first time in a while, “I don’t know what ya mean by that, but Alastor’s radio is cool yeah. He’s part of the crew now!”

“He is?! The birth of a new Straw Hat!!! What a momentous occasion! Of course Luffy-senpai would win over the worst and most dangerous of the Overlords! It’s only natural!” literal sparkles radiated from the man’s eyes at the news, before he seemed to force himself back on track though with no less enthusiasm than previously, suddenly standing up to declare, “But after I heard his words, I understood why it was that I died– It’s to help ya spread yer will to all ‘a Hell, Luffy-senpai! Just like how I helped ya bring yer new era in life, of course I’m meant to be by yer side as ya start a new era in death, too! Just tell me what it is I can do for ya, and I’ll commit my entire being to it!”

The more the man spoke, the more that the three other hotel residents Charlie, Vaggie, and Husk, slowly backed away to the other side of the room from the weirdo. As for Alastor though, while he did find the fanboy to be extreme to the point of creepiness, he did also appreciate the enthusiastic respect he’d shown for both the captain and his broadcast. Can he really be blamed for having good taste? And just the type he’d been looking for! Thus, it was with that in mind that Alastor stepped forward from where he'd been lingering at the side of the room to lean towards the newly gained pawn.

“I’m glad you enjoyed my broadcast so much, good sir. As it happens, I do believe there is a role you can fulfill which you would be perfect for!”

Despite only having just learned of Alastor’s new status as one of the captain’s crew, Bartolomeo turned his starry-eyed gaze onto Alastor to fan over him as well, “A-Alastor-senpai– ”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me…” Husk rudely hissed from clear across the room.

“ –Of course! I’m the one who should be thanking you for telling me where Luffy-senpai is and spreading word of his power! What can I do for you?”

He explained with a smile full of pleasantry, “Well you see, as the sinners of Hell come to realize the truth of the captain’s divinity, a religious institution will inevitably form amongst those wishing to worship his name– ”

“Are we seriously gonna just stand back and let him make Bartolomeo worse???”

“If Barto already started doing this cult stuff in life, I think it’s too late for that, unfortunately…” Nami answered the cook’s exasperation with a sigh of her own.

“ –Now of course, while he would never lower himself to organize such efforts directly, it’d be shameful for anything of insufficient standing to be associated with the captain’s good name. Therefore, if a person as devoted to the captain’s honor such as yourself were to take charge of those efforts, it would be a great convenience to us. What do you say?”

If anything, the sparkles in Bartolomeo’s eyes just got brighter, to the point they were almost blinding and Alastor suspected this was another proper feature of his demon form. Clasping his hands together once more, the man cried out, “I’d be honored to be the leader of Luffy-senpai’s church! Actually, I had a person in my crew who was our missionary for Luffy-senpaism that would do sermons for us ‘n’ everything! Once he dies too, he can also help out a lot!”

“Is it too late to kick this guy out…?” when Charlie’s wincing in Bartolomeo and Alastor’s direction shifted into a muted pout of reprimanding at Vaggie, the ex-angel was quick to defend, “It’s an honest question! Do you want someone as delusional as him around?!”

At the mention of Luffy-senpaism, Alastor finally had to draw a line in the sand. Narrowing his eyes, he deadpanned, “ …That. Is a horrendously awful name. You’re changing it immediately.”

“O-Okay! Um… Oh! In life, Luffy-senpai’s fleet was 5,640 strong– this can be the new Straw Hat Grand Fleet! Uh– The Straw Hat Grand Hell Fleet! How ‘bout that?”

“…Acceptable. Using the terminology of a fleet should make it more innocuous of a cult to join rather than something people would be wary of, along with suiting the captain’s image better.”

“Are none of ya concerned about this?!” Husk hissed this time in the direction of the other Straw Hats.

Nami hissed right back, causing Chopper and Usopp to duck behind the swordsman and cook respectively in fear of her ire, “Does it look like we aren’t concerned?! What’re we supposed to do?! He basically already advertised this to all of the city and Barto already had his Luffy-senpaism in life! We were doomed from the start!”

“Uhh… I guess it’s good Al gets along with Barto?”

“NO IT’S NOT!!!” several people including the set of both cats snapped back at Luffy’s simplification of the situation.

Once again up in the rafters, Niffty scurried away in miffed disappointment. “Ew! A bad boy into religion? That’s disgusting! Where are my real bad boy pirates?!”

Bartolomeo moved into the hotel that day, absolutely elated to be staying in the same building as the Straw Hats. Though it seemed that he actually had trouble looking at them all at once, apparently finding the sight of more than half the crew together too blindingly brilliant for his weak eyes to handle. Charlie notably set up the man’s room on an entirely separate floor from the pirates. A judgement call which Alastor privately agreed with. No need to tempt the potential stalker by placing the objects of his obsession too close in hand. He already has one of those after all, and that was one too many. The irony of his own tendency towards lurking about people notwithstanding…

The morning of the next day, the next visitor arrived in the form of Rosie. Who, as Alastor had predicted, had come to complain about not having gotten a warning as to what exactly Alastor had been asking for her support in when he’d asked her to bolster his word prior to the broadcast. He knew that among the Overlords, she should be the least inclined to dislike the principle of breaking the Soul Contract system of Hell due to her power over the Cannibals being purely based in mutual agreement. Which was why they’d been in agreement for her to defer potential Contracts of non-Cannibal souls to himself. She had no need to leverage control over their souls when the community had already all unanimously agreed to her leadership, a form of power which with the coming change will shift into being the more secure of the two.

That did not mean that Rosie would have agreed without hesitation to Alastor’s scheme if she’d been notified beforehand, however, and thus he’d been purposefully vague with her. He did apologize for the rudeness, but not his actions, to which she scoffed at him with the full might of her socialite exasperation, “Why’re ya like this?!”

It was only later that same morning when they finally reeled in the very first contracted soul looking to test the waters. Though, the context for their contract was still not one he would’ve anticipated as being the first to arrive. Initially he’d believed another soul caught in the Vee’s web, particularly Valentino’s, would both take more stock in the story of Angel’s contract breaking given his visual departure from the company as well as be desperate enough to take the chance. Having observed the state of the Vee’s enterprise, however, it seemed that they’d initiated something of a lockdown in terms of the souls under their control. They likely explicitly forbid any of the Soul Contracted from leaving the building for now, and as their Contracts were facsimiles of employment contracts, so long as their people were on the grounds the full force of their restrictions were in place. It was admittedly smart of them to immediately take such countermeasures given they’d already experienced firsthand the captain’s power and its legitimacy. That did not diminish the annoyance of knowing that putting the upstarts in their place would be more delayed in terms of the timeline of things, however.

Instead, the first soul to take up their venture was a man with a three-colored cat demon form, unknown to any of the pirates or the hotel residents. The two Overlords present though did recognize the sinner, though only in passing.

“You… are one of Zestial’s souls, are you not?”

“That’s right, Sir. Calico’s the name,” was the simple but gruff reply. The calico stood a couple feet back from where Luffy was seated in the center of the sofa. Optics were fairly important to these sorts of dealings, and thus Alastor had carefully arranged the group such that the God was center place with himself seated on the armrest to the right of the captain, his hand resting on the mic-head of his cane at the side of him. To which the first mate had taken stand behind the sofa on Luffy’s right side while Sanji as his second wing stood behind to the left. As a less affiliated party, Rosie stood off towards the side Alastor was seated, while the rest of the spectating crew and Princess gave the makeshift receiving room a good berth even as they stood to watch in curiosity.

With a slight hum and raise of the eyebrow, Alastor had to admit, “It’s rather brave of you to take the chance on coming into my den to break your contract when your contractor is on good terms with me. Usually I’d see it as a mistake, but in this case it wasn’t. I’m assuming Zestial must know of your arrival here? He’s not one of the careless sort…”

Hesitation entering his voice, Calico affirmed, “Also right, Sir… He noticed I was thinkin’ ‘bout comin’, and… said it was okay. Said he wants ta test the God ya decided ta fall in line with. So guess I’m askin’ on his behalf along with my own.”

Alastor had to take a second to withhold his internal shock from reaching his expression. “I had not thought Zestial to be so… boldly direct with such matters. He typically does not act without a good amount of strategy in mind.”

“Well if ya think about it, Alastor, this ain’t exactly a typical situation.” He glanced over where Rosie stepped closer to him, expression making it clear she believed the situation to be obvious. “It’s only cause I’ve seen ya ‘round Luffy before that I’m not freakin’ out ‘bout your broadcast! The Radio Demon decidin’ ta throw his cards in with someone of the divine? That’s crazy talk! Of course Zestial wants ta see for himself the kinda stuff the kid’s made of! He probably can’t decide whether ta take this seriously and expect big things outta the guy or if yer just messin’ with everyone.”

Thinking that over, he conceded, “ …I suppose that’s fair. But I did ask for your assistance in assuring everyone that I’m being quite serious for this exact reason.”

“Well maybe I would ‘a sped things up on that if ya actually explained the plan beforehand!”

“Hey Cat-Guy,” Luffy unceremoniously cut in to finally respond to the newly dubbed ‘Cat-Guy’. Husk actually took a second to realize he wasn’t the one being referred to, and then gained a particularly smug look at the name having been fully passed on. “So why’d ya wanna leave this Vest-Guy anyway? It’s always good to be free, but what do ya really want?”

Calico looked caught off guard by the question. But soon, an expression of full rumination fell over his face.

“ …Yer the new Pirate King, ain’t ya? The one after Gold Roger? I actually died before that guy hit his peak, and even then, everyone knew he was crazy strong. In comparison, I was just some washed up dime-a-dozen bandit. A crook who never even bothered goin’ out ta sea and leavin’ my little mole hill. When I ended up on the slave market, I was only worth the amount of labor they could put me ta work for.”

Alastor’s attention was properly drawn back to the calico at the story, intrigued that the matter of the captain’s piracy had become relevant. The cat continued, gaze drifting off to the side of the room in remembrance, “Sir Zestial’s a frightenin’ guy ta work for, don’t get me wrong. If ya don’t stay in yer place he’ll kill ya easy. But he makes what he expects of ya very clear, and he doesn’t expect much more than that. In comparison…” The man’s still adrift gaze hardened into a full glare.

“Those fuckin’ Celestial Dragons are the real demons. If yer a man, they’ll work ya til yer dead if they don’t kill ya for fun first, and all the guys in the labor camp knew that women had it even worse. So when I ended up makin’ a deal with Zestial, I thought it wasn’t too bad a deal, ya know? Better than the pit I died in at least! But if there’s one thing… I thing I really regretted ‘bout my life… it’s that I never tried stakin’ it out on the sea. Cause the sea’s where the real freedom lied. If I was gonna die a miserable death, it might as well have been while I was a pirate instead of as a slave… And then I just ended up a slave again in death anyway. Talk about pathetic…”

Clawing at his chest, the cat sighed with clear underlying frustration as he lifted his gaze back to the captain, “And when I was a slave… they’d tell stories, ya know. Of that Sun God Nika. The warrior who fought for freedom. But I’d just scoff at those whispers, just tall tales of people tryin’ ta keep the delusion that they’d someday be free. And then I heard the Radio Demon talkin’ ‘bout ya, the new Pirate King who’s also the Sun God who won the freedom of the world? That’s the tallest tale I’ve ever heard! So I guess… What I really wanted was ta just see ya for myself, too. Is any ‘a that even true?”

With all his usual casual belligerence, Luffy plainly answered, “I’m the Pirate King, yeah! And me ‘n’ everyone else took down the Celestial Dragons! I don’t really know anythin’ ‘bout being some God, just that people keep callin’ me that. Guess if Al says it’s true it must be then.”

As Alastor snuck in a side-glance at the change up to Luffy’s predicted rejection of his godhood, the captain stood up to stand before Calico, who took an unsteady step back at the approach. The boy held out his hand to him with a smile as bright as the Sun.

“Ya don’t gotta keep the regret ya had in life though! It’s never too late to start bein’ a pirate! If you still wanna be one, then just be one!”

Wide cat eyes glancing down at the hand, Calico forced his gaze back up to inquire, “How much will I owe ya for this, exactly? Ya don’t want my soul, do you?”

“Naw! Course not!”

“It’s a $20 general fee, with a 50% discount if you offer food,” the navigator took the chance to call out from her place to the side. At the multiple looks of bewildered exasperation she received from that, she snapped back, “What?! He asked!”

“ …That’s it???”

“Yes. While it’s not a requirement, you may also consider joining the Straw Hat Grand Hell Fleet that one of the original fleet’s founding members is starting up,” Alastor replied this time. He gestured with the hand not holding his mic towards the fanboy who quickly flocked over at the obvious que.

Bartolomeo burst into excitement, his energy causing Calico to take a sidestep away from the man, “If ya wanna be a pirate, the Straw Hat Fleet is the place ya wanna be! I can tell ya all about how Luffy-senpai won the war against the World Government! After ya hear that story ‘n’ see him in action for yourself, you won’t be able to help yourself from wantin’ ta follow him!”

The cat shifted into an obvious look of interest at Bartolomeo’s mention of the war. The residents of the hotel only just seemed to comprehend the talking point that had come up multiple times, with Husk and Angel Dust muttering amongst themselves different variations of wait what– Rather than immediately take up the offer though, Calico showed practical restraint in looking back to Luffy to take his hand in a shake. “Let’s see how ya do with Sir Zestial first. While ya clearly got people backin’ you up, ya don’t exactly look like any God either…”

“I did say he preferred to keep to his mortal form,” Alastor felt the need to remind their first taker, before turning to look at Luffy’s curious glance, “Zestial will be a worthy opponent for you to showcase your strength against. He is regarded as the oldest and potentially most powerful of the current Overlords of the day– once you best him, it will send a proper message to all the other Overlords along with all the sinners of Hell.”

“Don’t really care ‘bout that, but I’ll fight him cause Cat-Guy asked me. So he’s strong?”

“On the scale of things, he is much stronger than the Vees, but it should not as difficult as your battle with Eve. I would like to request that you use your– how did you refer to it? Yes, make sure to use your Gear 5^th against him. He is initiating this conflict solely to judge the prospects of your ability and my confidence in you. It would be rather rude to hold back even if he will not be able to match your full power.”

“Okay. I’ll take Chopper and he can fix Vest-Guy up after!” That did not bode well for Zestial’s post-combat state. But if the Overlord felt the need to test the worth of Alastor’s word regarding the captain’s power, he got whatever would be coming to him as far as the Radio Demon was concerned. While he had a fair acquaintanceship with Zestial, he also regarded him with an equal amount of caution due to the other’s power. It will be interesting to see how the showing will change the state of things.

And interesting it was. A group consisting of the captain, the doctor, the first mate, Bartolomeo, Alastor himself, Rosie, and somewhat unexpectedly Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and Angel Dust all followed Calico to the edge of the city. It seemed both his Overlord friend and the Hazbin residents who’d been around for the meeting were curious to see the God in action. Alastor looked forward to witnessing their reactions. The spider even called up Cherri Bomb from wherever she’d been to join up midway, bringing with her popcorn for the both of them and an air of excitement at the prospect of watching some entertaining violence. Alastor ignored the tailing VoxTek drone that followed them from afar. Zestial had wisely chosen a mostly empty portion of the city to wage their battle, being directly beside the circular edge where nothing but wasteland resided on the other side outside the city proper. Alastor was also pleased to see the Overlord hadn’t set the battle outside the city limits either, as it would be counter to his own intentions of allowing word to spread from the sinners who happened to be around to witness the battle.

Upon arriving at the newly designated battlefield, they were met with not only the sight of Zestial himself, but also a stone-faced Carmilla Carmine flanked by her two daughters as well as a much more casual looking King of Hell. There were already sinners hanging around amongst the surrounding buildings. Alastor recognized that they were not random bystanders, who would usually flee at the sight of both Zestial and himself together, but they were all in fact sinners under Zestial’s command. He must’ve allowed them to come witness for themselves what the conclusion of the battle would be.

Alastor deigned to speak first as their own group approached, keeping a blasé tone, “Well, what a surprise! You’ve already collected a referee and audience for us! This is why I appreciate working with you, Zestial, you very much know how to keep things efficient and honorable. Aha!”

“Fair day to thou as well, Alastor. ‘Twas only due diligence appraising the King as to potential destruction brought upon his kingdom in consideration of the scale such combat is well due to escalate, now that we enjoy the pleasure of his presence once more,” as Zestial stepped forward to meet Alastor in the middle of the divide, his voice echoing in that intriguing way of his, Luffy stepped up to stand beside the Radio Demon in time with Carmilla moving to stand beside Zestial. Her steely eyes examined both Alastor and the captain with obvious suspicion.

Off to the side, Lucifer scoffed at the lot of them even as he moved back to stand next to a still mildly surprised Charlie, making his supposed role as a bystander clear, “Yeah, no thanks to you, bellhop. You can really learn somethin’ from Zestial’s manners, ya know! Especially when it comes to respecting my royal authority…”

Alastor gave the statement the respect it deserved, ignoring the man outright to continue speaking to the two other Overlords present, “I believe some introductions are in order. No need to get right into things without a proper greeting between our combatants, haha!” his radio echoed his laughter for just a short bit, before he gestured a hand towards Luffy, “This is the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, Monkey D. Luffy. Also known as the Sun God who fights for his divine concept of freedom. As it happens, I decided to try my hand at a life of piracy and am now in allegiance with him.”

At that, Carmilla was the first to speak, voice brimming with indignation, “That’s the story you’re going with? You don’t expect any of us to actually believe you’ve decided to work for the benefit of a God, do you? Let alone this fanciful story of becoming a pirate. You know as well as the rest of us such a status has no meaning in this underworld, there’s no point to it. What are you really up to, Alastor? What’s the true purpose you wish to use this boy for?”

Making sure to keep his displeased radio feedback muted, Alastor merely tightened his hold on his mic and narrowed his gaze on the woman before fortifying his position, “While it may have been true in the past that it mattered not which living world the sinners fell from, I believe you will find that the times are about to change, Carmilla. And I say this as one with a preference for keeping things old-fashioned. I’m sure you have been keeping appraised of the talk on the streets enough to know that others of his world have begun carving themselves out a place in the Ring. But of them all, the captain here is the one most worth regarding. What can I say but that I like to bet on the winning team and keep things entertaining for myself? It’s only natural to try mixing things up once new opportunities present themselves!”

Holding out a hand in front of Carmilla before she could give a likely irate response, Zestial gave a curious tilt of the head as he intoned, “Certainly, there is weight in turning the barrel anew when times art ripe. But on the contrary, thy delivery of souls in thy possession, ‘tis most unusual. Indeed, if thou art truly without deception regarding said God and instead doth speak words of truth… One may’st draw conclusions of thy own soul having fallen in jeopardy, for thou hast greatly depart from thy previous inclinations.”

Before Alastor had to muster up a response, the captain thankfully chose that point to interject his own truth of the matter, “Al’s just doin’ whatever he wants to do! So what if it’s different than what he was doin’ before? …Or at least I think that’s what you were talkin’ about. You speak weird, Vest-Guy.”

Zestial’s multiple eyes narrowed on Luffy at the address in a rare show of irritation, while Carmilla outright sneered at the boy. Alastor, on the other hand, allowed himself a brief moment of hardy laughter, “Ahaha! Well said, captain! Though your memory when it comes to people’s names can still use some improvement.”

The boy just gave him that blank look of his. “I’ll learn ‘em if I need to.” Which, wow– what a set of unintentional fighting words that is!

Alastor laughed a second time as Carmilla’s expression just twisted further. Before he cut himself off abruptly, raising at brow at Zestial to conclude with a sharpened grin, “If all you wished from this encounter was the chance to question me, I suggest you call off the bout now. But if you are truly interested in testing this God, then by all means, start your match!”

“ …‘Twould not hath called upon both King and mine own to take witness if ill-prepared for the commitment of mine word. If thou assert thyself to hath become this boy’s herald true of heart, then ‘tis of even more importance to evaluate prospects of bespoken divinity.”

“Well, good luck to you, then!” he first bid his adieu to Zestial, before glancing back at Luffy’s grin, already brimming with the excitement brought on by his divinity, as he walked away, “Do make sure to enjoy yourself, captain. I dare say after this fight, every other Overlord will become most disinclined to putting up a fight against your will.”

“Aw– that’s no fun!”

“Indeed,” was his last word before lining up in between the present pirates and Charlie, with Lucifer sending him a shifty-eyed glance from her other side where the other hotel residents were flanking. At the sight of Carmilla and her daughters marching over, however, the Morningstars took a good couple of sidesteps to make room for the still brewing conflict.

Noticeably standing directly beside himself while her wary children flocked behind her, Carmilla’s sharp gaze accompanied her whispered hiss of a warning, “While Zestial is giving your claim of this boy being a legitimate divine being some credence, Alastor, I am not so inclined. You do realize that if he fails to win in this moment, you may actually come fully lose your position as an Overlord, do you not? The only reason people still regard you as one even after losing possession of so many souls is due to the reputation you’ve earned and fear of your power. The boy failing would prove you to have fallen into a lower position from what you once had.”

Alastor couldn’t help but chuckle at the attitude. After tapping his mic against the ground to encase the haphazard group of spectators within a strong shield, he sent the woman a knowing smile. “You know, I never truly cared for such a position. It was only happenstance the assertion of my power came with the title. But even so, I have no need to worry about losing it. You will come to find that betting against the captain is not a winning hand.”

The Overlord narrowed her eyes once more, but someone beat her to a response. Alastor had to keep himself from startling at the unexpected feeling of tiny hooves clutching at his leg. He glanced down in vague bewilderment to see Chopper looking up at Carmilla with a rather “cute” glare, notably holding onto Alastor from the side rather than attempting to hide behind him. “Alastor’s right! Luffy won’t lose to anyone! So stop talking down to him like that!”

Carmilla blinked down at the creature with an almost absentminded shock at having been spoken to in such a way by what looked like a completely non-threatening possible child. Her daughters even looked like they were withholding themselves from cooing over the reindeer as they peaked over their mother’s shoulders. Still a couple feet to their side and being visibly held back by a much more frightened looking Calico, Bartolomeo proved himself to be ever the fanboy as he hackled, “That’s right bitch! Luffy-senpai’s gonna beat this guy’s ass! Don’t ya talk down the Straw Hat Crew like that! Each one of ‘em ‘s worth more than one hundred men!”

“Listen lady, if you’re gonna speak like that to one of us, there’s one thing you gotta understand– ” In contrast to the fanboy’s mostly expected response, Alastor then had to keep himself from tensing at the surprising feeling of one strong hand grasping his shoulder while another place itself on his upper arm. He adjusted his stare to see Zoro leaning forward from his side to send Carmilla three proper smirks, the woman once again returning to her more irate expression at the unwanted commentary.

“We’re the crew of the King of the Pirates! Your hierarchy and your King mean nothing to us, because the only so-called King we believe in is our captain. Why do ya think we’re the only ones that bothered to come out here? It’s cause we all know Luffy’s gonna win anyway, so only the crew that needed to be here came! Compared to just being some self-important Overlord, being on our crew’s the highest position anyone could have! It’s definitely not lower. As far as we’re concerned, Al here has already surpassed that fancy title you and that Vest-Guy are so proud of.”

“Excuse me?! Why– You outrageous– ”

Alastor couldn’t keep his stare from going wide at the first mate’s unquestioningly firm stance of support. After flinching back in full outrage, Carmilla outright snarled as she prepared to snap back. Only for the tremoring of the ground and blinding light that the God was now putting off to startle her attention away. Her eyes darted back to the battlefield unconsciously.

In an attempt to keep the situation fully diffused, Charlie notably slid herself between Alastor and Carmine with an awkward smile as the weapons dealer stepped forward to stare unabashed at Zestial clashing with the ever-grinning Sun God. Zoro pat his shoulder and arm once with a huff before letting go to grant him his space again, while Chopper seemed content to stay by his person.

After a quick once over at either side of him, Alastor reached a hand down to pat the reindeer’s head, to which he felt Chopper fidget in his delight at the reward of affection. Alastor retracted the hand to rest it atop the one already placed upon the mic-head of his cane, deciding not to pay the other’s presence anymore mind as he watched what was already trending towards a one-sided beatdown, as well as the entertaining reactions that were sure to come along with it…

Along with Carmilla Carmine’s total shock, the gobsmacked faces of Husk, Angel, and Cherri were an amusing sight. The popcorn had even been abandoned and dropped on the ground once the God began stretching Zesital’s body and the surrounding buildings and ground just as well as his own did. While Rosie covered the lower half of her face with a fan, it did little to hide how wide her eyes had become. Bartolomeo looked as though he might start a sermon on the spot with how brightly his eyes shined at the divinity of his idol and God, and next to him, Calico was staring at the fight in an awed bewilderment. Alastor would bet good money on the sinner’s conversion by the end of the day.

On the other side of Charlie, a notably unsurprised Lucifer was wincing quite a bit. Though whether that was at Zestial’s fairing, the damage to the city he would inevitably have to fix, or due to his mind’s own connections as to how his wife ended up in the state she had remained to be seen. More unexpectedly, his daughter, while staring with her own wide eyes and slightly agape mouth as the now gigantified Luffy carelessly threw Zestial’s full eldritch horror demon form through a nearby building with laughter bordering on madness, did not look as shocked as he would’ve anticipated. And Vaggie, while somewhat more affected, was seemingly reacting more towards the absolute absurdity that defined the God’s abilities rather than the God himself.

Without looking away from where Zestial was now opening a portal to the cosmic horrors of the otherworldly, Alastor tilted in a slight lean towards Charlie. He kept his volume muted as he mused, “Am I right in my assumptions that your belligerent father has finally learned a thing or two about keeping you in the loop concerning your unusual visitors?”

Charlie jolted in place at being addressed, eyes flashing towards him before they were drawn away just as quick at the wondrous phenomena that was the Sun God taking a newly summoned creature of unworldly visage to stretch out and… use as a jump rope? That move took even himself by surprise for a moment. It took the Princess a good minute to figure out how to use her mouth again.

“Uh– Um… Right! Well, he kinda had to, since I… kinda demanded that he let me visit Luffy’s world so we could try and learn more about him. He’s not able to leave Hell himself, so he had to let me go instead, and I took Vaggie with me…”

The answer was a fair surprise, but a good one. “Is that so? How remarkably bold of you! Very nice. Was the trip truly so elucidating with the captain himself no longer being around to showcase himself?”

“ …I, well …we couldn’t talk to anyone directly, of course, but the way people talk about him there… The way people mourn for him…” as she spoke, the light of the God reflecting in her large eyes, Charlie’s expression shifted into a soft, gentle sort of smile. One Alastor hadn’t quite expected her to look away from Luffy to direct instead at himself. “It seemed that wherever he went, he left a larger-than-life mark. The way he touched the hearts of the friends he made– whenever someone would talk about him, even when they were sad he was gone, they just couldn’t stop smiling. Even if they were crying… It sounded like he saved a good number of kingdoms in life too, since there were some rulers explicitly trying to set up a new system that he would’ve approved of. Even the new head of their marines was crying about him, and those guys are supposed to be the ones fighting the pirates! He changed their entire world! It made all the stories that were being spread about him somehow believable. Not to mention what dad mentioned about some of the baddies that he fought.”

That mention peaked Alastor’s interest. He inferred, “You’re referring to those Elder Stars and the hidden figure who governed them all, correct? They sounded rather demonic in nature, so I had been wondering how they hadn’t ended up down here. Surely they didn’t seem like the type to not make themselves known…”

“Oh yeah, uh– basically dad found out about this deal the big baddie made with King Paimon in exchange for their soul, and dad got really mad about it and forced Paimon to give up his right to them in death. So they just… didn’t have a soul anymore when they died, meaning they couldn’t pass on to the afterlife and just… stopped existing.”

“Eight! Hundred! Years! Eight hundred years of what was essentially demonic rule over those poor people! All because Paimon thought it would be funny and wanted some more fucking servants– Why can’t he just hire people like everyone else! Hell, he has enough children to make some of them into his own servants! Not to mention the rest of the Goetia! All I knew was that I was NOT dealing with those assholes in death! No siree! Souls that garbage go in the universal trash bin where they belong!!! Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200! Straight to the ether for you!!!”

Both Alastor and Charlie glanced over to her other side to watch as her father came down from his ranting, huffing from his remembered anger. After shifting his eyes over towards them, Lucifer tried to clear his throat and straighten his posture and coat, pulling himself back together, “Yeah, I’m… still kinda mad about that… No wonder that place had a fruit that could escalate to a God reincarnating just lyin’ around, cause by God did they need the divine intervention! Aha– ha…”

“…I do believe that every time I speak with you, Your Majesty, I question even more as to how Hell isn’t in an even worse state than what it currently exists as.”

“What the Hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“I’m just saying that I’m downright impressed that the captain saving your wife from her possessed state is somehow the second time he’s cleaned up a mess on your behalf.”

“Hey! What happens in the overworld is not my jurisdiction! You tacky piece of– ”

“G-Guys! Please! Can we all just calm down for a bit…”

It wasn’t too much longer after that conversation that the battle came to an end. Rather than make a stupid stance to fight to the death, Zestial was smart enough to properly surrender and throw in the towel once he’d expended all his energy and his body was too damaged to move.

Frankly speaking between the two of them, Carmilla was the Overlord left more shell-shocked while Zestial seemed to be taking his defeat fairly well. He didn’t even put up a fuss when the captain, after reverting back to his mortal state, waved at the doctor to come over. Not that he would’ve been able to physically contest even if he wished to do so… Zoro followed the tiny steps of the bipedal reindeer, only to have to be pulled over by a rubbery stretched out hand when he immediately started walking perpendicularly to Chopper’s path. After giving the idiot swordsman a very judging side-eye, with a great sigh of preemptive exhaustion, Lucifer departed and just got right to fixing up the area.

Alastor himself was about to make his way over. But before he made to do so, Charlie gently tugged at the sleeve of his coat, drawing his attention back to her gentle smile.

“Sorry to keep you! I just wanted to say… Well, there’s kinda been a lot of jokes about the scary Radio Demon joining Luffy and his crew and uh– starting a cult ‘n’ all, so I just wanted to make sure you knew that– the way I see it… I think being with him really suits you, Alastor. I’m really happy for you… I– I hope that was an okay thing to say…?”

After blinking the surprise away, Alastor found his own smile relaxing its usual sharpness at the warmth Charlie’s words left behind. On the average, he typically found the Princess’s tendency for touchy-feeliness to be fairly counter to his own tastes, but in this context… he found that he didn’t mind her genuine nature too much.

“There’s no need to fret, my dear. I appreciate the gesture. So allow me to give my own thoughts that you may have appreciation for– Luffy is indeed a person larger-than-life, and now larger-than-afterlife in addition to that. But as you inevitably compare yourself and your shortcomings to him…” His grin curling a tad mischievous, Alastor bopped the girl’s head with the mic-head of his cane, causing Charlie to drop her grin as she reached up to sooth her head. “…remember that you share aplenty of qualities with the captain, even with all the differences between your two persons. Just as he came into his own throughout his life, so too are you amidst the same process. Regardless of if your fanciful whims end up in the state you wish them to be at the end of it all, someway or another, you have your own remarkable potential for leadership.”

With that said, Alastor promptly turned his back on the girl and continued on his way. It took her a good half minute to take stock of what he’d said and call back out with a particularly tearful voice, “ …W-Wait! Alastor! That was, like– the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! You can’t just leave right after– !”

“Zestial, my good fellow, what would you say are the results of your evaluation exactly?” Alastor began as soon as he was in range to speak without yelling in a boorish manner. He planted his cane into the ground to lean against with both hands, noticeably looking down in what was surely a very smug smile at the fearsome Overlord who was now covered in pink flowers by the doctor’s efforts. At the other’s side, Chopper gave a satisfied nod at how his patient was coming along, while Zoro yawned into his hand in boredom and Luffy curiously watched the proceedings with a more absentminded grin, hands planted on his waist in a confident stance. “Specifically, was it before or after the captain used your attack as material to jump rope with that you realized you were completely fucked?”

In some corner of his awareness, Alastor could overhear Angel Dust muttering a similar trail of thinking, though in disbelief rather than posturing, “Fuckin’– What the fuck did we even watch just now??? The fuckin’– The jump rope??? The pizza tossin’??? The hey-batta-batta-SWING?!?!?!”

“I think we changed genres for a sec there!” Cherri resounded in agreement.

“Hell if I know, but the more ya talk ‘bout it, the less sense it fuckin’ makes– and it didn’t make any damn sense to begin with!!!” Husk cried out, absolutely baffled.

With a hummed sigh of annoyance, Zestial intoned, “Alastor, thou art quite comfortable jesting at mine expense, now that thy God hath proven thy truth. Even one of mine nature must confess, much of those holy acts were… rather unanticipated.”

“I noticed that you didn’t properly answer my question?” he fully reveled in his own pestering nature, any façade of politeness dropped in favor of his conceited, mean smirk of a grin.

“ …‘Twas prior to the jump rope.”

“That’s what I thought! AHAHAHAHAHA~ ”

As though to purposefully reinsert himself as an annoyance, the swordsman tsked, “Damn– calm the fuck down, will ya red ears? You didn’t even do anything and you’re actin’ like you’re the one who beat the shit outta the guy!”

“I believe organizing this whole affair counts as anything. The real question is what are you even here for?” he didn’t miss a beat before answering, not even bothering to flash the man a proper glare as he instead turned his smile towards the still obviously shellshocked Carmilla Carmine as she slowly approached. When he spoke again, however, it was still to Zestial, “May I assume then that the calico’s deal is over and done with then? You haven’t even gotten to the part of witnessing that holy act yet!”

“ ‘Twas the implication…” Without any fuss, a Contract of yellow-green ink set on black parchment manifested. When Luffy took it in hand to tear apart and set aflame in white, Zestial didn’t even look surprised. And admittedly, he’d already witnessed much more shocking things throughout the fight by this point. When the chains broke apart from Calico’s form, the cat hardly even reacted, still processing the confusion he had regarding everything else even as Bartolomeo started his attempts at converting. Not only for the newly freed sinner, but also the others of Zestial’s employ that slowly approached with slack-jaw gazes.

Before Alastor could further rub in the captain’s victory, Zestial began to speak again of something more unexpected, “Indeed, the God hath proven true his power. Thus, deals of each mine own either will be decided anew, or released from mine bonds hence forth. There need not be a second act to this play.”

“Z-Zestial…?” Carmilla stuttered the name, falling to her knees beside her longtime ally as she questioned, “What are you saying?! You would really go that far? How can you just accept such an end– ”

“ ‘Tis not an end, but a new beginning. Just as Alastor hath foretold…” even while the elder Overlord cut the woman off, he reached out to take her hand in comfort, looking unperturbed by his own conclusions, “Take it from one as old as I– Fear not change. To live throughout ages is but same as accepting the new age time after time. If one doth not accept progress, thy shalt not progress. ‘Tis why I wished to test the meddle of such words for myself, rather than allow another to thus act in place of mine.”

With a careful heave, Zestial sat up from his previously position lying down. The flowers fell off his person on their own as he moved to reveal unblemished flesh. As Carmilla stared unabashed at the disappearance of his wounds, the elder examined his arm and hand while giving an intrigued hum, “ ‘Twould seem the God hath value amongst his following as well. Impressive magicks by far, and by the hands of such an unassuming creature. I thank thee for thy grace.”

In his usual manner, the doctor took to the compliment like a reindeer to the snow, smiling rather idiotically as he wiggled in place and rubbed as the back of his head. “Aw shucks~ Ya bastard, flatterin’ me like that won’t work! Ehehehe~ ”

“Yeah! My crew’s the BEST!” the captain readily agreed. Alastor had to catch himself from stumbling when the boy launched into his side, wrapping his arms around his neck and shoulders to hang like an actual monkey from him. Smile going taunt, he pushed at Luffy’s head to no avail, his neck simply stretching out half an arm’s length. “Vest-Guy wasn’t as strong as Horn-Lady, but it was more fun! He had a bunch ‘a cool creepy stuff!”

“So I saw– One would think more of your rambunctious energy might’ve been expended throughout such a trial…”

“Huh. Usually I always get real tired after usin’ Gear 5^th, but not as much anymore. Wonder why?”

Alastor gave the observation some actual consideration, “Death likely has brought you to a state closer to attunement with the divine and its afterlife.”

“Oh… Is that why I only started bein’ able to do that after I died once?”

“ …How you’ve managed to make it this far is the true mystery here.”

Fortunately, the rather obnoxious interaction did not seem to shift the other Overlord’s opinions. When Rosie sauntered over with a growing expression of amusement, she was the one to pose, “So Carmilla, what’re ya planin’ to do after this? Gonna have your own lil’ tiff with Alastor’s darlin’ here?”

While Zestial didn’t give an opinion, his silent glance was clear enough. With a ruminating look of dissatisfaction, Carmilla’s eyes shifted over to where her daughters watched in worry, before looking away entirely. “ …No. I’ve seen enough. I must work my way through my own Contracts. What a hassle this will be.”

“Oh! Uh– ” in a bit of a startle, Bartolomeo jogged over from where he’d been preaching to his crowd to explain, “Nami-senpai put me in charge of collections! Tell all your folks that the rate’s $20 marked down to $10 if they add a food offerin’ on top ‘a that.”

“What the hell– we’re seriously doin’ that? Luffy didn’t even fight for those other guys!” the first mate incredulously exclaimed with a multi-hand gesture swung out towards the ‘other guys’ in question.

“Nami-senpai said to say in case this happen –she’s so smart!– ‘The fee still counts cause their souls ‘re only bein’ released due to Luffy-senpai intimidating their bosses.’”

“So we’re taking the place of the extortionists instead?!”

At that, Zestial chimed in unaffected, “Hardly a pittance of a fee, incredibly gracious the will of the divine be in this instance.”

“Luffy didn’t decide shit about this! And this is from the witch’s greed not any graciousness!”

The captain sounded off with his own opinion on that, “If I get food it’s a good thing right?”

The swordsman slapped a hand over his eyes, and then another atop that one. Alastor allowed a chuckle to sound deep in his throat, previous irritation transitioning into a grin at the reaction.

Now that this matter was settling itself, however… it was about time he got around to sending out his next localized broadcast.

Hell sucks. Like, he knew it sucks, but it fucking SUCKS sucks! Whichever motherfucker invented the concept of rent better have died in one of the Exterminations because holy shit, that guy fucking deserved to die again! Heaven doesn’t have any of that damn BULLSHIT!

When Adam first reincarnated in some dirty as shit alleyway after the battle at little miss Morningstar’s hotel, he’d been shocked. Then in denial. Then prayed up to God and the angels for them to say sike right now please. When nothing happened and he’d had to vacate the alley in disgust when a drunk-ass sinner started pissing on the dumpster, he just yelled to the Heavens Well fuck you guys too! Not that any of them heard it, those fake-ass bitches.

And that was when he realized he didn’t have any legs, because he was a fucking snake. No, not even just a snake– They made him a fucking CLOWN too! With stupid-ass jester hat lookin’ horns and a black face that was just another version of his Exorcist mask but with white paint marks! Who the fuck ever heard of a CLOWN SNAKE DEMON?!?! Like seriously, FUCK YOU TOO!!!

After the initial shock and indignation died down, though, Adam soon realized that he actually had no idea how to do shit around here. He needed to eat and find a place to live, but he needs money to eat and pay rent, and to get money, he needs a job. He got by fine in the beginning just by stealing from some weakling sinners, but even these fuckers were smart enough not to carry a ton of cash around in Hell. If it was just about the food he could’ve probably gotten by just with that, but rent– is SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE?!?! And they have the fucking nerve to ask for THREE MONTHS RENT IN ADVANCE?! AND a safety deposit?! Who the FUCK has that kinda money immediately upon dying and ending up in the pit?! It's bullshit is what it is!

So he’s been able to feed himself but, shocker, was literally homeless. And of course no one wants to hire a fuckin’ homeless bastard with a godawful attitude. And its not like he wants to hang around these filthy loser-ass sinners or fuckin’ Christ, take orders from any of them. So, after however long it’d been since he died his second death, he’d just been… getting by, basically.

The only fucking mercy that had been granted to him was that his cool as fuck electric guitar weapon-thing was remade with him, though without the would’ve been very useful property of being an angelic weapon still. As a way both to kill time and earn some chump change to go along with his regular muggings, he’s taken to playing at the side of the street. Of course, none of these stupid asshole sinners would bother to appreciate good music if it bit them in the ass, so he never made anything more than change totaling up to a twenty at best. But he played more for himself than anything else.

It was something he liked to do, and he could do it, so why not, right? He’s the greatest dick the world’s ever seen, but he wasn’t exactly an aspiring musician in life or even Heaven. His awesome guitar solos were a hobby at best. One he’d only started after God gifted mankind the blessing known as AC/DC. So as much as he would never admit to it out loud, there was room for improvement in his skill. He apparently had all the time for the rest of his damned afterlife now, so might as well do something he liked with it!

–And he knows, he fucking knows that fucking hotel is known to be rent free as long as the sinner coming to simper at their doorstep promised to try for fucking redemption, but he doesn’t care if he ends up dying in the streets for it; he REFUSED to beg for forgiveness from Lucifer, his bitch of a daughter, Vagina, that red fucker, or any of those other fuckers! He doesn’t need them or their fake-ass redemption, so fuck ‘em all in their tiny fucking asses!–

It was during one of these days, though, that something different happened. While he’d been in the middle of an awesome riff, someone stopped in front of him to watch, and stayed all the way to the end of the song to clap.

“Yohohoho! Oh, very good! You’re self-taught, aren’t you? You’ve come along stupendously!”

“Yeah yeah, if ya really liked it you’d cough up some dough and put your money where your mouth is…” Adam ended up trailing off when he glanced up to see a damn full-blown skeleton, looking at him with empty eye sockets and clapping with boney hands and everything, “ …Well damn. Guess I really could have turned out worse than a clown snake. At least I still got a dick, two dicks now even! Who would’a thunk it. Unless ya got some weird as Hell skeleton dick in your pants or somethin’…”

The skeleton waved him off with a laugh, “Oh, it’s not so bad once you get used to it. Though looking in the mirror had been a shocking fright to see at first… Not that I had any eyes to see with! Yohoho– Skull Joke!”

“ …‘K. Assumin’ you’re missin’ yer brain on top ‘a that with how cray-cray ya are.”

“I am indeed!” the skeleton once again dismissed what should’ve been a concerning detail and instead, seemed to conjure his own electric guitar into his hands. Adam couldn’t help but take interest when the other came up beside him to start playing.

“I think I can tell the kind of sound you’re going for– something like this, right? Here, watch me and then try for yourself! I was a musician in life, along with being a skeleton. I can teach you anything you’re interested in!”

After a solid three minutes of listening to the guy play –he couldn’t deny the guy was good. How the fuck is he even playing with bones instead of regular fingertips? It’d taken him fuckin’ forever to figure out how to work the strings with his claws!– it was only then that Adam took in the full sentence. “ …Wait. The fuck do you mean about being a skeleton in life???”

“Oho? I suppose that’s still unusual down here. That’s too bad…”

“Brook, there you are! I know you’re got a better sense of direction than Zoro, but we should try to keep from wandering apart too much.”

A fishy-looking new guy came over, kinda a big one at that, and despite obviously coming to meet back up with the now named Brook, he stopped in front of Adam to give a polite smile and introduction, “Hello there, sorry to bother you when you two were enjoying playing together. You can continue as you were. My name is Jinbei, known as the First Son of the Sea in my previous life. Brook and I are both members of the same crew, the Straw Hat Pirates captained by Straw Hat Monkey D. Luffy.”

“You guys were pirates?” at the mention, Adam vague remembered those other kinds of souls that came from Not Earth, a place that had a name but he didn’t care about enough to remember. They were in the middle of that damn pirating era or somethin’ though, right? Sera had talked about it when he wasn’t paying attention. That’s why that guy who showed up in Heaven that kept calling himself the Pirate King was a thing. “Sick. Guess it’s not like I have anything better to do, so I’ll let Jack Skellington here show me what he’s got for a bit longer.”

“My name’s Brook!”

“It’s a joke? Ya never watched– nevermind… Just know there’s this other musical skeleton guy in a suit who had a movie and is kinda a thing.”

“Really?!” Brook sounded a little too excited at the sound of that, “Oh, you must show me! Can we watch it after our lesson?!”

Balking in reflex, Adam snapped back, “This is a fuckin’ music lesson?! I never asked for that! I don’t even got any money to pay ya!”

Starting up the melody once again, Brook just laughed at the suggestion like he’d said a joke, “Yohohoho~ Why would I ever charge money for teaching someone music? Songs are the sound of the soul, good man, teaching a person how to play out the melody which their soul vies to sing is something every musician should take pride in offering! If you are willing to play, I am willing to play with you! …Oh, it was rude of me to go so long without asking, though–  What’s your name?”

“Adam! The– uhh… Just Adam, now. I guess…”

Brook hadn’t been kidding about his offer of lessons. They played in the street for a while, with Brook playing certain riffs and melodies and Adam doing his best to copy after, and by the end they even played one song together. Before he knew it, there was actually a good amount of change that’d been left in the bag he’d set out for tips and a few sinners had even stopped to clap for Brook. The guy was so good even the godawful sinners had to take notice. Jinbei clearly noticed that he was a homeless shlup and was the one to offer for Adam to come by their new apartment to continue the sesh. How the fuck did two newbies figure this shit out before him?! Goddammit! He usually wasn’t one to accept pity, but there was just this one rhythm he wasn’t getting quite right at a certain part, and he knew it'd annoy the fuck outta him if he never fixed that shit. Since it was a fuckin’ crime they didn’t get his reference, he had them swing by a rental place to get a bootleg version of that Halloween movie he’d mentioned before they headed to the cheap-ass apartment. And from there… he kinda never really left.

Because actual running water? Whoever invented that shit is in Heaven for sure. It’s a good thing Brook Skellington didn’t have a nose cause Jesus Christ, he would not have come up to Adam otherwise. And having an actual teacher, who would’a thought, really did help with some of this music shit, and Brook knew everything. The guy was nuts but he knew his shit. The theory shit, composing shit, and he even knew how to play a whole bunch of other instruments. The guy was basically a one-man band, but still let Adam have the guitar solos, as he rightfully should.

While Jinbei wasn’t a music guy, he was a chill dude who seemed to be the only one between the three of them that could actually function like a normal adult who lived in a society. After Adam had gruffly and hesitantly admitted and then immediately brushed off his shitty attempts to get a job, the guy actual sat him down and helped him go over his resume and shit! –“You shouldn’t use ‘I’m fucking Adam I can do anything’ as an example of your qualifications…”– They had fake interviews and everything! –“It’s not professional language to say ‘shut up bitch I’m talking’ to the interviewer…”– Adam usually got pretty pissy with people, especially when they don’t realize that he’s much better than them and more deserving of attention than anything else they could have going on in their pathetic lives, but it’s like the guy just had lofi ‘n’ chill vibes radiating from him. It was hard for Adam to work up the attitude necessary to tell him to fuck off when there was nothing to get confrontational about. When Adam had come back slightly shocked that he’d managed to get a part time job at some store, Jinbei and Brook had both been excited for him.

And he’s used to being important. In Heaven, he’d been used to people mind-hiving with whatever he said, and he’d liked it that way. But something about having someone be honestly happy about him achieving something that should be the bare minimum to be considered an actual functioning person, regardless of who he was… was just kinda nice.

But he didn’t spend all his time working, he spent most of it on improving his playing. And then on him and Brook playing together. And then, they got to the point where Brook suggested they look for people to play for other than Jinbei. They did some street performances again, but Jinbei also looked around for lowkey events they could play at, the kinds that just got dime-a-dozen indie cover bands to play for a day or night, and it was after they got their first real gig that things kicked up.

Brook was good enough that word started getting out as they did more and more sets. Venues would book them again after hearing them once and knowing they were worth the money. And at one point, a scout for a concert venue in Imp City offered them a slot. After he’d come down here, he’d learned that apparently the Hellborn had a thing for clowns. It was creepy to the max but worked in their favor, this time, since that made him a bigger crowd puller than he would be as a non-clown he guessed.

After that they made an official band, Bones of Man, fuckin’ awesome name right, going back and forth between gigs at Pentagram City and Imp City with Jinbei acting as their sorta manager. And in a time that seemed shockingly short for how long Adam would guess this stuff would usually take, they got to the point where they had actual fans.

“Hell is forever whether you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in the pot! Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in tryin' to fight it! They're burnin' for their lives until we kill 'em again~ YEAHHHH GUITAR SOLOOOO~ ”

The crowd went wild. This song’s so awesome, course everyone loved it! He knew Morningstar was just a tasteless bitch! It was their biggest show yet in Imp City, with many of the crowd actually having come specifically for their set. Adam was at the mic with his guitar, Brook with his base guitar, and the skeleton’s cool-ass magic playing the drums for them. When he finished with a grand stroke of the last chord, he let the sound hang in the air until it faded into the cheers, before announcing into the mic, “If ya liked that one, here’s another certified banger for you all! Not as good as my song but almost! New World by the fuckin’ awesome Soul King Brook here!”

Another round of cheers. Adam moved over to let Brook have the mic. And as they geared up for the song, the skeleton asked Adam’s favorite question–

“Thank you yohoho! But first, to the ladies in the crowd who are having fun… May I see your panties please?!”

“Awww yeahhh flash ‘em girls!”

The chicks went wild. Adam smirked something sleezy and let himself get an eyeful of all the Hellborn women readily throwing up their miniskirts or pulling down their pants, some of them clearly not even wearing underwear or only lacy strings that barely counted as it –Hell sucks, but SOME parts of it were fuckin’ sick! Concerts in Heaven didn’t nearly go this hard!

But the moment was ruined by a sudden jet of water blasting through both Brook’s and his head and face that left only Adam a coughing mess, fuckin’ skeleton and his fuckin’ no lungs Skull Joke!

“I apologize to the crowd, but it looked like those two just needed a chance to cool off…” Jinbei spoke over the sound system from where he stuck his head and torso out from behind backstage, before retreating with his job decidedly done.

A certain portion of the crowd started going even more crazy at that. A section that looked like it was filled mostly by loan sharks called out, “We love you too Daddy Jinbei!”

“Number One Manager Jinbei!”

“Marry me Jinbei!”

“This cannot be fucking normal. How the Hell does a band manager get more bitches than the rockstars…?” Adam had to whisper at Brook.

The skeleton just shrugged. “Jinbei is a very reliable and handsome man, it would make sense for women to find him attractive. In comparison, I’m merely skin and bones… but no skin and only bones! Yohohoho– Skull Joke! Now, it’s time for the New World!!!”

There was nothing like the high of playing a hype set. He was practically made for the spotlight, soaking in all the attention and glory he rightfully deserved. But somehow, it was even better than the glory he’d gotten from being known as the First Man. Cause while he still would fully assert that all of humanity owed themselves to his balls, it was also true that he’d been created to be that. Start the human race, that’s what the Big Guy had made him for and all. But this? Getting to go up on a stage to fans waiting in anticipation for him to show up and shred guitar as much as he wanted– he’d worked for this.

It was the result of hours of practice, hours of Brook’s time spent teaching him, hours of playing on the street and dead stages, all things that should have sucked ass but ended with a payoff greater than all that effort combined. Not just the spotlight, but the feeling of the rhythm and waves of a song and the way it moved through his body and arms and fingers in a way that was just so good. Like even his heartbeat was beating with the drums. Knowing that the afterlife could be like this… Adam thought that he might actually not mind being stuck in Hell, if it could always be like this.

So of course, a certain demon had to go and ruin a good fuckin’ time only a day after that–

“ –This Sun God does in fact exist, those of his world may even know the originating legend of Sun God Nika as well as the title he earned in life as King of the Pirates. He’s merely taken to a mortal form when not in need of his power. And he has in fact proven himself capable of forcibly breaking the Soul Contracts of Overlords. If any of you are in need of a testimony, the recently retired spider of the night Angel Dust can attest to this, along with his previous contractor Overlord Valentino of the Vees. Aha! Yes, you heard that right! For Straw Hat Luffy– ”

Adam spit out the soda he’d been in the middle of drinking, choking on it while clawing at his throat. He didn’t have long to pull himself together, though, cause Brook and Jinbei began making their way back out from the store they’d gone into to run some errands.

Immediately upon the store door opening, Adam had his guitar in hand and stared strumming as loud as he could, maxing the amp effect of it. To further drown out the radio broadcast playing on the other side of the street, he started yelling as though he was trying to speak over his own playing, “HEY BROOK! WHAT YA THINK ABOUT THIS RIFF HERE?!”

“Oho! It’s quite energetic! Oh, is there something playing on the speakers over there– ”

“JUST THE BITCH-ASS RADIO DEMON! THE GUY’S A CREEP! DON’T WORRY ‘BOUT HIM, WE GOTTA WORK ON THIS NOW BEFORE I FORGET– ”

Somehow that fucking worked, luckily the broadcast didn’t last for that much longer. But it was already the beginning of the end. It was only the afternoon of the next day when the doorbell for the apartment rang, and Jinbei opened it to reveal an old-as-the-fucking-dinosaurs radio had been placed on the doorstep. Adam immediately cursed at the sight of it.

“FfffffffffffffffUCK!”

“Fuck indeed. Salutations to the two Straw Hat Pirates at this residence and only the Straw Hats! This is a special localized broadcast brought to you by the Radio Demon! I know you’ve heard of me at least once, due to your lesser company trying so desperately to dismiss me. Regardless of your questionable choice of bandmates, however, I have a message for you both; Your captain is waiting in anticipation for your arrival at the Hazbin Hotel! You would have heard of his location sooner had the reincarnated First Man Adam, former head of Heaven’s Extermination Exorcist army, not kept you from listening to yesterday’s broadcast! Quite foolish of him to not have realized I would be aware of that rudeness. And with that, I believe we have about 3… 2… 1– ”

“Al! Who’d ya find this time?!”

“Punctual as always! It’s your musician and helmsman– ”

“Brook and Jinbei? That’s great! Brook, ya gotta come soon and play some music for Al! He likes it a lot and sings nice!”

“Perhaps that would be amendable, but make sure when you come, you leave behind the stray you picked up. Will you? As it happens, he killed a former resident of the hotel and the others are still rather upset about that. His presence is certain to ruin the mood of any performance here!”

“Ah– Yer mad at the guy too? Did ya lose in a fight or somethin’?”

“He used to be a notable figure in Heaven and I was quite constrained during that battle, the odds were simply not in my favor! I can handle him easily now. For he is but an insignificant, foolish jester! A bonafide has-been as they say– Ahahaha!”

“Oh! That was a Skull Joke! Haha!”

“ …I’m not quite sure what that is, but either way, you missed the mark on the actual pun I was going for. Anyway, farewell for now to the Straw Hat Pirates! And as for the has-been angel… wElCoMe To HeLl!!! It’s forever, whether you like it or not~ AHAHAHAHAHA– ”

The radio cut off into distorted, buzzing static at that point. Adam kicked away the thing for good measure with another curse, “That fucking too much red fucker! FUCK!”

A large hand grasped at his shoulder. He turned back with a scowl full of serrated teeth to see Jinbei’s level expression. “There’s no need to get so angry, Adam. While I realize you may have bad blood between you and the Radio Demon, you should try to keep control of yourself.”

“Why the fuck should I?! And why the fuck should you even care?!” Adam slapped the hand off himself to turn back around and look away from the guy and the skeleton behind him, crossing his arms and growling out, “I’m not dumb, ya know! This band is OVER! You’re just gonna go back to your oh-so precious captain and shack up with the Radio Demon and leave me in the fucking dust! So don’t you bullshit me and pretend you actually give a shit about what I do and how I act!”

This time, Brook was the one place his boney fingers on Adam’s shoulder. The timber of his voice insistent yet soft, “Just because we’ll be going back to our crew doesn’t mean things have to end, Adam. Even if we don’t get to see each other as often, we can still play our music and play our shows. So don’t say such things. Of course we still care for you! There’s no need to be sad.”

Adam couldn’t keep himself from tensing at the words. This time, he glanced back over his shoulder to give the skeleton face an incredulous grimace that matched the doubt of his tone, “Really? Yer just gonna ignore the fact that I used to lead the killing of a fuckin’ shit ton ‘a sinners for fuckin’ years?! Don’t bullshit me! I liked it, ya know! I loved fuckin’ laughing at their suffering! And by now I know the both ‘a ya enough to know that that shit ain’t cool with you! And you’re sayin’ ya wanna keep our band going?!”

“Oho, well, that is… very not good, yes. But you’re sorry for what you’ve done now, right?”

“NO! And what does that even fucking matter?!”

“Of course it matters!” Jinbei’s deep voice cut in, stepping to the other side of Brook to give Adam another considering look, “And are you truly sure you hold no regret for your actions? Say for example, if Heaven were to offer you another chance to do one of your Exterminations, would you take the offer? Would you truly kill aimlessly and without care, aiming to kill me and Brook along with everyone else?”

Taken aback, Adam found himself averting his glare down to the ground, brows furrowing together further. “I mean… Yeah? No? I don’t know! It doesn’t matter cause that’s never gonna happen! …But I wouldn’t kill you guys at least, cause you’re cool …And I wouldn’t wanna kill anyone who’s a fan of Bones of Man either, cause they’ve got good taste.”

“You may see us as exceptions, but it’s a sign of a greater shift in thinking than you realize. The souls who fell to Hell likely meant nothing to you, correct? You saw them as being different than those of Heaven, their lives not holding the same value. But despite that, you have come to regard us as people you value. You value the people who enjoy your music despite their status. You still value yourself, who met the same fate as the rest of the sinners you believed to be far beneath you. If you place these truths out before you, do you not find that there is meaning to them?”

“So– So fucking what?! Huh?! Even if you’re right and it does mean something– What then?! Nothing fucking changes!”

“You change, Adam. And even if you’re quick to discard the significance of that, it does mean something.”

A hiss of a breath caught in Adam’s throat, like it was trying to choke him. Jinbei continued without faltering at his lack of response, “You can’t change what you’ve done. You can’t change who you were in the past. And you can’t bring back the lives you’ve ended. But at the very least… you can change who you are now, and who you are in the future. Do not shackle yourself to the man you once were because you fear admitting your faults– You were wrong, stick out your chest and declare that fact without hesitation! For you can become a better man, and that’s a good thing! Some people go their entire lives without changing, content in their ignorance, and they remain all the worse for it. Do not allow your pride to condemn you to the same fate when you have the power to choose your own path.”

“…I don’t– I don’t believe in fucking redemption. Once you’re out of Heaven, you’re out. Just like how it was with Eden… It doesn’t matter if you’re fucking sorry about it, they won’t let you back in!”

“And why does that matter? Is it not enough to simply change for the sake of yourself? It’s not like you to take stock of other people’s opinions more than your own.”

“ …I guess not, yeah. Fuck. I don’t know…” Still without looking at the two, Adam stepped away from the doorframe and back in, passing them. He kept his back to them as he called out, “I’m stealing the damn apartment. Just get lost already, will ya?! I’m not used to thinking this much! My head fucking hurts!”

He ignored Jinbei’s hand momentarily patting his shoulder again. “Take care, Adam. I hope next we meet, you will have come to a better understanding of things.”

“Fat chance ‘a that, yeah!”

When Jinbei moved away, a skeleton hand replaced where his larger one had been. Brook’s voice was still soft, “You will not be alone, friend. I promise you that. We will come back. Perhaps rehearsal next weekend will be a good time?”

“ …Not like I’m gonna stop you from coming. Don’t come cryin’ to me when your captain doesn’t like ya hangin’ out with me though.”

“I do not believe Luffy is the type to care for such things. He allows us much freedom in how we spend our time. Until then, Adam. We’ll be back, alright?”

Their footsteps and the door closing after them sounded so loud, making a racket in his brain like the worst kind of mic feedback. He huffed under his breath at the sound and stomped around the place to pace off the frustration that just built right back up. Until he found himself crossing the path of the mirror in his room.

His room, because even though this was only a two-bedroom, Brook just moved his stuff right over to Jinbei’s room to let Adam have the one he’d been using without being asked. He hadn’t even thought it was a nice thing to do at the time, because he’d thought that of course he should be the one to get his own room, never mind he hadn’t paid any rent until he finally landed a job and was just mooching off the two. Because he was Adam, the best and most important guy ever, of course he was the more important between the three of them and deserved the room. Of course it was his right to have everything he could ever want–

He crossed in front of the mirror and glanced up at it just by chance. And there he was, the fucking clown snake. With a clown face with painted tear drops underneath his eyes. How fucking sad and pathetic was that. Nothing at all like his cool and awesome angel form, with his awesome wings and halo and mask.

–The way he looks now is the real him, isn’t it? How long has it been since he deserved those wings? Had ever even deserved them, really? It’s a wonder Lute gave enough of a shit to cry for him–

His hand flinched into a fist, about to ignore the way it’d fuck up his hand to punch the thing. But he stopped himself when he, almost absentmindedly, remembered that he only had this mirror cause Jinbei had bought it for him. Cause he didn’t have enough cash and wanted it. And instead he just ended up turning his back to it as well.

Flopping face first onto his bed, Adam groaned out the ever-eternal words of Heavenly wisdom.

“Fuck my life, uuuuugh…”

Chapter Text

Somehow the situations of the various scattered Straw Hats just continued to get more bizarre. A traveling rock band? Truly? The captain had mentioned his musician’s dalliance with stardom once before, but it was still rather unexpected to have discovered that not only was the skeleton giving live performances, he was doing so with the reincarnation of the First Man. How did they even cross paths in the first place? Let alone somehow get along well enough to start a band? Even Charlie had nothing good to say about Adam’s personality, and that was truly saying something.

Ironically, if Alastor had been the type with a tendency towards social media sleuthing, he may have come across at least their band name at a prior opportunity, though it seemed they’d only just begun their earnest trending into social awareness. And with the knowledge that he was searching for a skeleton, the name Bones of Man would have at least been worth a follow up. But he must digress. They’d been located in a fair enough timeframe. He doubted Luffy cared whether he’d taken the most efficient path to reach this point. And with them having been found, all members were accounted for even when not all were present. He was a bit curious how that little venture was going for the last two, but it seems they’ll conclude their matters sooner rather than later…

It was after Luffy’s battle with Zestial upon their return to the hotel that Alastor sent out his broadcast message, and then later that same day when the new pair arrived. Once again, his notice to the captain had the boy ambushing the two at the door upon their arrival. Luffy had to stretch out his arms wide to get them around the largest member of the group thus far, his hold somewhat crushing the much lighter skeleton against the other. But they both just laughed it off to eagerly return their captain’s affection. The rest of the crew were also quick to gather around to give their own joyful greetings.

Among the other residents, Angel Dust was the first to comment, “Is that a whole-ass skeleton? Didn’t know that type ‘a demon form happened!”

“Oh dear– how rude of us to ignore the rest of the room, our apologies!” said skeleton called back as he slipped out from Luffy’s hold. Standing tall at a good head above Angel Dust’s height, he brushed down his mixed-matched outfit consisting of a black suit coat, white undershirt, and blue cravat paired with a rather outrageous pair of flower-patterned pink pants and bright orange boa, with a crown set atop his black top hat that somehow managed to keep itself perched on his sizable circular afro. He approached Princess Charlie to give her a proper bow, tucking his cane against his side. The girl returned the gesture with a bashful smile.

“You are the Princess of Hell, correct? What a charming young lady! My name is Brook, also known by my stage name and bounty moniker of Soul King Brook. I have the delighted position of being the Straw Hats’ musician. Thank you very much for providing for my captain and our comrades during this time,” then, before Charlie could give her likely delighted response, he ruined the whole introduction to ask, “May I please see your panties– ”

Off with his head by a mighty sweep of Nami’s staff. The skull completely detached from the man’s neck as the woman rightly and furiously chastised, “YOU CAN’T ASK THE PRINCESS SOMETHING LIKE THAT! Actually, you shouldn’t be asking it in the first place! Stop doing that!”

The head flew in the direction of Vaggie, who unconsciously smacked it like a volleyball with a yelp of shock. When the head fell into Husk’s hands, he also reflexively spooked and tossed it back into the air. At that point, Luffy stretched out a hand to take it directly from the air. He clutched against his chest and giggled down at the skull, “Ya made Nami mad, shishishi!”

“It would seem so, yes. I lost my head there for a second… Literally! Yohoho– Skull Joke!”

“Now that’s some freaky shit,” Cherri remarked, more impressed than abhorred, leaning forward with a hand perched on her hip as though to get a better look with her eye.

“SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!!!”

“That’s you, Chopper. But I believe I should be able to fix myself up in a jiffy!”

“Oh… Right.” At the decapitated Brook’s reminder, the deerling calmed down.

From his place still up in his tower, Alastor snickered to himself, having been amused by the beheading antics. The headless body took back its skull, twisting it back on in a motion that should not be congruent to how neck bones function before he released his hold in a victorious stance. “There, good as new!”

“I gotta say though, Brook, I’m kinda surprised…” Usopp started as he gave the other a thorough examination, “You haven’t changed at all! Like, at all!”

“Yeah! How come I ended up a bug when nothing changed about you?!” the cook demanded while pulling at his own antenna, as though him having ended up an insect was somehow Brook’s fault.

“Maybe it’s cause he already fits the aesthetic? Even if there aren’t many other skeletons around, he doesn’t really stick out too much…” Zoro mumbled in thought.

“Woah woah woah– Wait a sec!” Husk ended up being the first of the Hazbin residents to crack, gesturing a hand towards the rather cheerful looking skeleton with an incredulous glare, “Ya aren’t actually suggestin’ this guy was like this while he was ALIVE, are ya?! A fucking dead as dead SKELETON?!”

Brook spoke up at that, unbothered, “Oh! Well you see, that’s because my Devil Fruit was one that allowed my soul to return from death one time! However, my body was on a ship stuck in the Florian Triangle’s fog, so I got rather lost attempting to look for it. By the time I made it back, I was already decayed down to the bone. It was a horrifying sight! …Not that I had eyes to see it with, yohoho– However, my hair was intact, and that was part of real importance. Yohohoho!”

“ …I don’t know why I’m so surprised about all this after the kinda fight the kid just had, but somehow, I am. There’s so much goin’ on in that explanation, I don’t even know what to complain about first. What the Hell are Devil Fruits and why did that make you able to REVIVE FROM THE DEAD?!?!”

The rest of the pirates seemed to glance over at the cat in vague surprise. Nami started, “Oh? You still don’t know that? But Luffy’s been with you this whole time, he should’ve… Nevermind. That answers my question…”

Chopper raised a hoof in the air to speak, “I also ate a Devil Fruit, the Human-Human Fruit! It’s how I became part human!”

“That one sounds kinda horrifyin’… And to be fair, Monkey there did say somethin’ ‘bout his body bein’ like it was cause of some fruit. But we just thought he was batshit!” Cherri was the one to remember.

Waving her hand high in the air like a child in a classroom, Charlie eagerly offered, “Oh! Oh! I know what those are now, Husk! I can tell the rest of you about it after we get these guys settled in!”

“Ha– It’s nice seeing that things will be lively again! Not that they weren’t with Brook around, but in comparison, the two of us are just a couple of old men. It’s not the same without the rest of you all around,” the less eye-catching newcomer cheerfully spoke up. However, he was only ‘less eye-catching’ in the sense that he’d been introduced at the same time as the skeleton.

Size wise he was the opposite of subtle, standing the tallest of them all over even Brook and having a round girth to go with it. With muted blue skin, curly dark blue-black hair pulled back into blond curling sideburns that matched his deep-set eyebrows, and a scar crossed over a still functional eye, his form seemed to resemble something of a whale shark, if Alastor had to name a specific creature. There were large gills streaked over a wide neck, webbed digits, and small white dots beginning around his shoulders and neck that seemed to trail down his back all the way to the large shark tail that dragged behind him. He adorned a muted ochre robe-like attire similar to the swordsman’s with a long brown overcoat left draped over his shoulders.

He approached Charlie as well as the loosely grouped hotel residents to give them a nod of a bow. Even with large tusk-like lower fangs, his smile was of a good-natured sort as his voice resounded deeply, “Your Highness, many thanks for sheltering our crew. I am Jinbei, known by the moniker First Son of the Sea in life and born of the Ryugu Kingdom of Fishman Island, and I am but a humble crewmember of a great captain. I am sure you know by now that, despite his unending youth and boisterousness, Monkey D. Luffy is a man I stand beside with much pride. I only hope that whatever workings he’s messed with this time have not caused too much of a hassle for you and your following.”

After the introduction began and concluded without a similar bizarre incident, Charlie slowly returned to her bashful gratefulness, insisting with a wide smile, “Oh! Oh no no– If anything, Luffy has been such a great help to us! Thank you all for coming to stay at my hotel!”

“Accumulated damage to the building and upheaval of Hell’s society notwithstanding…” Vaggie made sure to get her deadpan in there.

“And, uh, technically these guys aren’t my following or anything like that– Angel, Husk, and Cherri are all friends of ours who stay in the hotel! And Vaggie’s my girlfriend!”

“A pleasure to make all of your acquaintances. I would say we won’t be too much of a bother, but I’m guessing many of these guys have already proved that sentiment false. Wahaha!” rather than gain any amount of embarrassment or shame at the predicted behavior of his crew, Jinbei just closed his eyes in a deep, hardy chuckle.

The fishman was the most normal of the crew by far. And while Alastor would usually associate normalcy as being a negative trait, in this case, it very much wasn’t. Having witnessed enough to get the lay of the land, Alastor emerged from his shadow in the corner of the room. Though before he could attempt a grand entrance, Luffy’s attention was caught onto something like a child who’d caught sight of something shiny, rushing back to his helmsman to latch onto his rotund stomach and poke at the man’s chest.

Of his already noticeable figure, in the upper center of his chest peeking out of his robes was another interesting feature of note; the design of a sun. Not a simple tattoo or marking, however, but one that shone with a glowing, inconsistent light. Like light filtered through the undersurface of the water rather than left in plain exposure. Based on the look of Luffy’s prodding, it would seem that Jinbei’s torso held a reservoir of water within it. “Woah! Cool! It looks like ahh– that mystery water tree!”

Jinbei looked down at the accosting captain with obvious fondness. He rustled the boy’s already messed hair once more before righting the his straw hat and joyfully agreeing, “The light of the Eve Tree on Fishman Island? Yes, the replacement for my Sun Pirates mark there does bear a remarkable resemblance to the lit waters surrounding it! It’s convenient too, I can conjure water from it with ease. It’s an addition I enjoy having.”

“Uhh… And I’m assumin’ we should just take ‘fishman’ as is ‘n’ assume ya guys also got a bunch ‘a fish folk in that wacky where’s waldo world ‘a yours?”

“You would be right, Angel,” Alastor startled the spider into a jolt and he passed the other from behind. Angel clutching at his chest with all four hands as he cursed under his breath.

The lightly grouped Straw Hats parted slightly to allow him a spot in the center before both the musician and the helmsman. With upright, proper posture, Alastor planted his mic front and center of himself to rest both hands on to give a smile full of pleasantries, though he slipped in one judging side-eye at the skeleton for his early act of perversion. Luffy quickly reoriented himself, jumping off of the larger man to rush back Alastor’s way and throw an arm around him to joyfully explain, “Brook, Jinbei! This ‘s Alastor! He’s part ‘a the crew now!”

Seeing as these were both the type for a proper introduction, Alastor made sure to return the politeness, “A pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure! There’s no need to repeat yourselves as I’ve already heard your prior greetings. As the captain mentioned, I am Alastor, also known throughout this Ring as the Radio Demon! I do hope you don’t mind my intrusion into your little entourage.”

Both the cook and the swordsman sent him a disbelieving glare like he was the one with multiple heads now. It was hardly his fault that they precluded themselves from a proper greeting by starting a fight immediately upon their arrival. Both the puppet and the navigator regarded him with a wary glance, while the deerling seemed fully charmed by his words. Again, they were the ones to instantly start shrieking in terror at the sight of him, and the puppet fell into the fire all his own. He had nothing to do with that nonsense.

A complete departure from any of the previous reactions his introduction has garnered, the skeleton began to clap in a burst of energy that rushed out his words, “Oho! How exciting! And the captain mentioned before that you like music, correct? I’d love to play for you sometime, good sir! Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates! If my eyes don’t deceive me, you seem like a proper gentleman as well! …Not that I have eyes to see with! Yoho– Oh wait. I just used that one, didn’t I… ”

Ever the grouch, of course Husk was the one to interject with a tone full of that cattish attitude, “Hate to burst your bubble, double dead guy, but this proper gentleman here is actually an insane maniacal Overlord. Just in case ya didn’t know that’s what he meant when he said he was the Radio Demon.”

Blank eye sockets glanced away from where they’d drifted towards Husk and back to Alastor’s person. “Aaah– He’s insane, is that so… So am I! We have so much in common!!! How wonderful! YOHOHOHO~ ”

That gained Brook a clear squinty-eyed look from Angel, Husk, and Vaggie. Cherri gave the skeleton another incredulous once-over while Charlie just awkwardly smiled through the strangeness. She winced sharply at the shrill sound of Niffty scurrying away with a cry of “How’re there still no bad boys?! This is madness! I need ‘a kill some bugs!”

Without paying the reactions any mind, the fishman gladly replied, “Looks like Luffy managed to find another interesting fellow. I welcome you to the crew as well, Alastor. How ever you found yourself pulled into our captain’s path, I’m sure it’s been lively journey one way or another.”

“Lively is certainly one way to put it, yes siree! Aha! The captain here never fails to provide an entertaining turn of events,” Alastor chimed back while giving a pat to the boy’s arm that was still around him. Luffy’s grin beamed at the gesture.

Things had been going perfectly fine, so of course the swordsman had to interject his boorishness into things, raising his voice to snark, “Ya know, I think I like you better when you’re acting like a bastard, red ears. Whenever you do this playin’ nice shtick it gives me the creeps.”

“I grant people the amount of regard they deserve from my person. It’s hardly my fault I lack the patience for dealing with an imbecile of your nature,” while he kept his tone light and his smile pristine, Alastor made sure to send a glare of a side-eye at the man. He also shifted the look towards the cook as well since, even if he refrained from agreeing to Zoro’s comment aloud, he’d glanced away with an obvious smirk of agreement.

Alastor quickly reoriented himself at the now familiar feeling of small hooves taking hold of his leg. He glanced down to see Chopper was pressed against him once more. “I keep trying to tell you guys that Alastor’s actually nice! You should try to get along with him better…”

Ever the opportunist, he was quick to capitalize, patting Chopper’s hat in a reward of approval while rubbing in, “See? Even the little deerling here agrees you’re the ones at fault in this matter. The eyes of the innocent are not ones to dismiss!”

“Since when the fuck did that happen?!”

“Holy shitcakes, it actually happened! He made friends with Bambi Rudolph!” Cherri cried in excitement in time with Husk’s outburst, shaking a similarly shocked Angel vigorously by the arm, “Husk owes me so much money! It’s a Christmas miracle!”

“It ain’t even winter yet and we’re in Hell!” Angel objected, before gesturing a couple hands towards Alastor while clarifying, “This ‘s obviously some kinda animal imprintin’ thing goin’ on. Ya know, like how baby ducks follow the mama duck ‘round!”

Vaggie cut in to deadpan, “Guys. You’ve been around Alastor and Chopper being friendly before? Literally happened today before the big fight?”

“Ya really expected us ta be payin’ any attention ta what was goin’ down on the sidelines when Luffers was fuckin’ playin’ jump rope with the cosmic horrors of the universe???”

“It was before that!”

“Sooo uh– would you two prefer to have your own set of rooms, or would you like to join the others in the suites we’re already set up?” Charlie finally stepped forward with that awkward smile of hers in a purposeful attempt to draw attention off the bickering and move the proceedings along. She fully ruined her own efforts, however, when she glanced Alastor’s way to give him a bright, wide smile of approval with two thumbs up, evidently pleased by his interactions with the deerling. He just returned the gesture with a narrow-eyed squint to turn his own smile into one of displeasure.

Jinbei ended up moving into Zoro and Chopper’s room while Brook into Sanji and Usopp’s. The dinner that night featured new dishes in the form of curry and seaweed along with sides of fruit which, again, Alastor presumed to be favorites of the new arrivals given the way the fishman readily helped himself to the seaweed and fruit while the skeleton somehow devoured a great helping of the curry despite not having a stomach. The Hazbin residents stared quite rudely at the mysterious sight of the food disappearing into the skull’s mouth. The chef also prepared some lightly caffeinated teas, both green and black, for the two to enjoy, and upon Alastor’s snarking complaints of coffee never having been served as an option, Sanji plainly responded that he’d make some to go with tomorrow’s breakfast. An answer which pleased both Alastor along with some of the more caffeine dependent Hazbin members, as whatever the chef was to make was certain to beat out the usually available brew. The night concluded with Luffy rounding up the now larger crew for a sleepover, which Alastor once again declined. The long stare the boy gave him after the fact, however, lent Alastor the impression that he wouldn’t let the matter go next time around, much to his own future ill-fortune.

The two additions continued to provide a more neutral contribution than the previous Straw Hat arrivals. While many of the hotel residents occasionally found Brook to be off putting due to the frequent eccentricity of his behavior, they all greatly enjoyed the music he would play in the lobby for any soul who happened to be around. Alastor found himself impressed by the musician’s breadth of talent, the dead man not only singing but switching between playing the piano, guitar, violin, and various wind instruments he can conjure at will depending on the piece, even using his newly gained demonic power to have the instruments play on their own in a sight reminiscent of a ghost band.

And while everyone waited with bated breath for the fishman to eventual show some trait of his own eccentricity, they eventually came to realize that, at least so far, he was the single crewmember to not feature some major personality detriment. Every conversation with the man was perfectly reasonable, instilled with wisdom, even, should it be asked of him. He was never overly loud or violent or easily cowed. The only thing that may be interpreted as a fault was his willful indulgence to the behavior and ill-manned antics of his crew, and even then, there was a certain point where Jinbei would attempt to straighten them back out in a much less forceful manner than the navigator’s efforts.

It wasn’t too long before Angel Dust found some video of their band’s concert floating around on some newfangled website, though. There was a predictable outburst upon learning of Adam’s reincarnation, Vaggie even having cried out ‘That dickhead’s ALIVE AGAIN?!’ in obvious outrage. Charlie, meanwhile, gained a rather pensive look as she thought the matter over with the weight it deserved. There had also been some back and forth between the hotel residents and Brook confirming that he indeed still was in the band with Adam, and their criticisms did nothing in terms of getting the skeleton to change his mind on the decision, ‘Because I don’t have a mind anymore! Yohoho– Skull Joke!’. Luffy, of course, did not understand what the big deal was about even with the given context of Adam having struck down ‘the Snake Captain’, returning the point with a genuinely confused question about what that had to do with Brook. Vaggie and Cherri Bomb, the two main complainers, quickly gave up the tirade as a lost cause with an eyeroll.

Ignoring his own simmering discontent about their association with the First Man, on Alastor’s part, he also found there to be an interesting contrast between these two and the rest of the Straw Hats. Even without having asked after the ages of the members outside of Chopper and Luffy, there was quite clearly a considerable gap in age between the two professed older men and the youthful majority which the fishman himself had made mention of upon their introduction. Jinbei was obviously the most mature of the lot, but even with Brook’s tendency to act out in ways that would be considered almost childish, there were often times the skeleton would also act his age, having a preference for the old-fashioned even when his musical variety included more modern genres along with classics. Alastor hadn’t put too much thought into his own difference in life experience compared to the others, either in consideration to the age he’d died at or the additional 90 years he’d subsequently experienced in his afterlife, but from either count his age was more in line with the new arrivals. And if counting his years in Hell in addition to his years in life, he’d likely be the oldest period.

While the Straw Hats tended to behave as though they were in their own personal world, external happens did in fact come to affect life at the Hazbin Hotel. Zestial and Carmilla, as promised, have been systematically going through their Contracts to release the souls in their ownership. As word spread about the God’s battle with the eldest Overlord both facilitated through Rosie’s social mechanisms, Alastor’s own boasting broadcast covering the matter, or word on the street, the other Overlords excluding the still secluded Vees slowly but surely began their own transitions into the new age. They all knew that if the boy was a God in truth, Alastor was fully aligned with the pirate while Rosie was keeping to neutrality in deference to their alliance, and Zestial had been unable to best him with Carmilla falling in line, that the rest of them stood no chance even should they attempt to combine forces. And even with the Vees, they were likely only getting by with their lockdown due to having a fair amount of non-Soul Contracted employees, though the contracted likely added up to more than half their base of power excluding their influence over the sheepish masses. Alastor was looking forward to when something would break in that regard, seeing as the captain had already proven his superiority over one of their supposed dastardly trio. It was simply a matter of lying in wait.

The missionary pawn that was Bartolomeo proved his worth through his enthusiastic recruitment methods –as well as his collection of donations that quickly found their way to either Nami’s possession or Luffy’s mouth, depending on the type. He cried actual tears of joy upon seeing that even more of the Straw Hat crew had arrived while he’d been out for the day. Alastor was almost hesitant to see how the man would react to having the crew in its entirety in the same room. Through the missionary’s recruitments, however, the hotel soon found itself with actual patrons. A shocking turn of events indeed!

Charlie herself had cried tears of joy upon their first convert Calico asking to stay, which the man regarded with uneasy hesitation. She seemed to be looking over that the reasoning for all her new residents lied in them wishing to find communion in their new supposedly a pirate fleet but actually a cult fellows with a strong helping of rose-colored vision. Not every new member of the Straw Hat Grand Hell Fleet came to live at the hotel, many choosing instead to keep their original places of residence, but a good number of them did as the converts trickled in slowly but surely. Compared to the size of the hotel and all its vacant rooms, the amount of sinners was still but a handful, but just the fact they’d managed to gain more sinners outside of Angel Dust, Cherri Bomb, and the legitimate pirates was a significant change of pace in and of itself.

Seeing how Adam had purposefully kept his two patrons from hearing Alastor’s broadcast, some of the other Straw Hats had to explain the situation to Jinbei and Brook when they began to realize what it was that Bartolomeo was up to. ‘Alastor literally started a cult and social revolution centered on Luffy as a God, can you believe that guy?! And he says we’re the hassle to deal with! Huh? Of course we’re charging for it, we have to build more capital for Luffy’s idiotic demands! But it’s okay cause we’re not asking for that much…’ And this inevitably led to one of them taking more of an interest in Alastor’s plans.

It was only a couple of days after their arrival that there was a polite knock on the trapdoor of his tower, instantly excluding a good number of candidates for who was on the other end. The call from beyond the thin barrier just cemented his previous suspicion as to the culprit, “Alastor, are you up here? This is Jinbei. If you have some time, I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.”

Seeing as he was off air, Alastor readily responded, though only after he’d given the trapdoor itself a glance of careful consideration, “The good helmsman, of course we can have a chat! However… I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but as a man of great strength and a size to match, will you be able to fit through the entrance to my abode?”

“ …Now that you mention it, I don’t think so. No one else here is as large as me, so it likely hasn’t been a problem for you before, correct? My apologies. Perhaps we can move elsewhere– ”

“Oh none of that now! Just give me a moment…” Deciding that he might as well attempt to start off the discussion pleasantly given Jinbei’s fair-natured levelheadedness, Alastor swiftly ran through a mental list of what to conjure with a couple flicks of his mic. The couch that he preferred to use as a more comfortable seating area, two side tables with one steaming cup of jasmine tea and his favored mug filled with some properly brewed coffee, and lastly, he enlarged the trapdoor and its opening a considerable amount. “There we are! How about you give it a try?”

A webbed hand pushed up against the door, soon followed by the rest of the fishman who was looking at the newly changed door with curiosity. Upon getting another look at the man, Alastor took the opportunity of the fishman’s lack of attention on his person to double tap the mic-head of his cane on the side of the couch, subtly extending it such that he could actually sit on it without being squished into the larger man.

“Thank you. That’s some impressive magic you have! Even as I’ve learned of the existence of such power here, I’ve not seen it used so casually before. Oh– Thank you for the tea as well! There was no need seeing as I’m the one imposing,” Jinbei was respectful as ever as he received the cup from Alastor, sitting down next to him on the couch while being considerate as to give as much space between the two of them as possible.

Sipping at his own mug and crossing his legs, Alastor waved off the matter with a smile, “Nonsense! My mother did raise me to have manners. It’s simply that such accommodations would be wasted on those simpletons. But enough of that– I’m much too curious to hear what it is drew you up here.”

“Ha! I agree Luffy and many of the others wouldn’t care too much for being greeted with tea as much as I do,” Jinbei cheerfully affirmed, before he soon leveled off into a more thoughtful tone, “I heard that you were the one to put things into motion regarding Luffy imposing on the Overlords to break their Soul Contracts. I knew something had to have happened, since Luffy isn’t the type to do that sort of thing of his own volition, but I admit I had been surprised to hear that you’d orchestrated the matter so directly.”

“Why yes indeedy, I did play a fair bit of my hand in that! I suppose you wished to ask after my reasoning?”

“Somewhat. Nami said that you mentioned you were thinking of how Luffy would likely wish to do something similar in the future, and that you personally had gain in it by reducing the power of your competitors.”

“I wouldn’t call the other Overlords competitors, necessarily. Outside of my ally Rosie, I tend to regard them merely as pieces on the board to be in consideration of. Either to be worked around, left be, or countered should they make a move that impedes my path,” Alastor allowed himself another sip as an excuse for a pause, smile carefully intact, before asking, “Do you find my motives unsatisfactory, then? You seem to be a gentleman of honor. Perhaps it displeases you that this undertaking was spurred through ill-pure intentions?”

Jinbei, who’d been taking a sip of tea, lowered his cup to look down at Alastor from his still considerable height difference to give a neutral yet sincere expression. “Perhaps some time ago I might have… But if I cared so much for intentions now, I wouldn’t have agreed to join Luffy’s crew. While our captain has great capacity for good, as evidenced by this scenario, he doesn’t become inclined to act on it until he has a personal reason to. It is undoubtedly better for the sinners of Hell that these Contracts are being broken, so regardless of what drove your own reasoning, it’s leading to a positive outcome. I have no reason to complain.”

Alastor took another drink as he turned the response over in his head. That had been his greatest assumption as to what the man would inquire about. He tried not to sound too anticipatory as he questioned, “Is that so? Then may I ask as to what you do wish to discuss?”

“Well, while talking about the situation with Nami, she had also mentioned that you used be under the bonds of a Contract yourself. Still are, technically, as it’s been passed off to Luffy.”

Alastor couldn’t help the way his gaze narrowed and his smile pulled thin. He used the excuse of looking down to examine the brew inside his cup to avert his eyes. “Both of those claims are true, yes. If you’re here to ask after the details, I’m afraid there’s not much more I’m willing to give that hasn’t already been said to one Straw Hat or another. Other than the confirmation that I have no issue with the captain’s place in the matter.”

“You don’t have to speak of anything you don’t wish to. It’s just that hearing about your circumstances made me think, perhaps, you would be a good person to discuss the topic of these Soul Contracts in general with. To be honest, when I first came to this place after declining Heaven to return to Luffy’s side and heard that such practices were afoot… It disturbed me greatly,” Jinbei’s expression darkened at the thought as he reminisced, “A slavery even more encompassing than the system that had been built in life. Fisher Tiger would have wept if he’d seen it. I’m very grateful it seems he passed whatever was required of him to be accepted into Heaven, though I am also not surprised as he was a great man.”

His stare shifted back towards the fishman at the mention of the unfamiliar name, the prickling of his irritation soothing down at the change in subject. “Fisher Tiger… Would it be considered a faux pas to presume that the man is a fishman much like yourself?”

“In this case no, seeing as you’d be correct,” Jinbei almost chuckled at that, before his face lowered back into its previous somberness. “Come to think of it, you don’t know about any of that history… Fisher Tiger used to be my captain, the captain of the Sun Pirates before I took over the title upon his passing. He was most well-known in life for his attack on the Holy Land to free the slaves owned by the Celestial Dragons. Many of the fishmen slaves joined his crew, and to ensure they wouldn’t be identified by the brand the World Nobles used on their slaves, the Sun Pirates began the practice of using their sun marking on each of its members to cover the brands. Making it such that it was impossible to tell who’d been a slave and who hadn’t. I myself had been fortunate enough to not have ended up in such straits, I’d simply been compelled by the boldness of his actions to join his cause.”

The fishman brushed his free hand against the dimly shining sun on his chest as he explained its origin. Displeasure turned behind Alastor’s smile for a different reason, now. Not upset at the man but the circumstances he spoke of. “The first sinner who came to ask after the captain’s help happened to be of your world and mentioned his own enslavement. From the little he’d said, those Celestial Dragons that’d been running the place sounded distasteful to say the least.”

“Very much so. Whether they be human or fishman or of any other race, every slave of the Holy Land suffered greatly. Due to the lineage they were born into, their word outweighed any other excluding those higher up within their own hierarchy. The marines as a system were built to protect them above all others. However, they were not the only ones to purchase slaves. Other humans of nobility would purchase people placed on auction.”

Having been looking away in remembrance for some time, the fishman redirected his gaze back to Alastor as he further explained, “Fishmen and Merfolk… Many humans didn’t see us as people. Close by above our island on the surface, there is an island grove with an amusement park at the base of the Red Line below the Holy Land, where the Celestial Dragons would sometimes frequent to attend the human auction house that had been present there. My kind were not welcome lest they find themselves becoming merchandise. It was a point of contention that we were unable to go to the surface world without being endangered. Despite the subjugation of many of our kind and our forced isolation, our Queen had rallied for us to attempt to achieve peace with humanity, such that both our races may live on land under the sun. And yet she’d been assassinated by one of our own kind who rejected her ideals, though it hadn’t been known at the time. Conversely, Fisher Tiger had died from wounds inflicted in an ambush orchestrated by humans following our crew's aid to a human child who'd been enslaved... I myself had to cast aside my own resentment for humans in an attempt to follow my Queen's and captain’s teachings. There is… much bad blood to be cleared from the water.”

It was considerable amount of cultural context to take in. Alastor found himself commenting even as his thoughts turned, “ …The captain had mentioned your kind now being able to live on the surface, before. I assume he had a hand in this to some extent?”

At the mention, Jinbei’s expression brightened a bit, the sun mark on his chest lighting up with his mood after it’d gone almost fully dark and murky. Though only dimly so, not nearly as bright as it had been upon his reunion with the captain and other Straw Hats. “Yes, that’s right. The Ryugu Kingdom is one of the founding countries of new World Government that is amidst a reformation process, and our King now has many allies amongst the other governance due to them having come together under Luffy’s banner during the war. One of the first things they would address are the policies concerning non-human races along with enforcing the ban on slavery. Someday soon, the children of the sea will have the chance to freely live on land and experience a new way of life. A simple amusement park full of glittering lights will no longer be considered a land of a far-off dream to them. And with this, hopefully, they will no longer learn the hatred that poisoned those who’ve come before them.”

Closing his eyes, Jinbei remarked, “Monkey D. Luffy… really did make that far-off dream a reality, the dream I inherited from my previous captain of achieving a world where fishmen and humans would be considered equals. When he saved our island, having no regard for how different its people were from him or the suspicions they cast onto him, I couldn’t help but believe he’d make it possible. I’m grateful that even in death, I can continue to be with him as he continues to bring freedom to others in need of it. But if only the worlds had been such a place where it hadn’t been needed to begin with…”

After a sigh, the fishman looked back at Alastor to ask in earnest, “I heard that the world you and most other sinners are from is one of only humans, a place where merfolk are but myths told by sailors. Was it different there? Without having such differences dividing the people…”

Usually Alastor reveled in the corruption perpetuated by humanity, but in in this case, he was not overjoyed to be the bearer of bad news. Even still, he kept his tone purposefully blasé as he leaned further back against the couch and bluntly responded, “Not at all! Even without the question of gills and fins, they merely came to focus on more minute differences between people based on physical traits associated with the various regional populations of Earth. The color of one’s skin especially has been a considerable factor in how humans treat one another.”

“That’s a shame to hear… And for something so minor?” Jinbei’s face fell into a muted, familiar sort of disillusionment.

“Indeed.” Closing his eyes while taking another drink of coffee, Alastor allowed himself just a brief moment of recollection to what he’d seen throughout his life before death. Seeing that the fishman had expanded to such an extent as to his people’s plight, he might as well return the favor. Alastor kept his gaze lowered on his cup as he reminisced, “My mother and father were of different races, with my mother being of a people who faced an extensive history of enslavement, a practice that had been deemed illegal a couple decades before my time. I’d been born in a time and place where, depending on who you asked, I was considered to be the product of a most unnatural union. They hadn’t even been married, seeing as interracial marriage was banned in their region despite the fact that there were a considerable portion of people whose culture had been built upon the intermingling of different ethnicities.” –Not that that man had been worth marrying to begin with, but the burden of a bastard child on an unmarried woman was considerable…

“It got worse rather than better as I’d grown older. The law had been expanded so far that even the two races living together under one roof wasn’t permitted. But a number of decades after I died, I heard from the grapevine that our nation did eventually come to legalize such unions… Nowadays they are commonplace, even,” with a considering hum, Alastor forced his eyes back to Jinbei’s face of heavy rumination to grin with the same unaffected attitude he’d started with, “I suppose all this is to say that the detangling of segregation practices is a tricky, lengthy affair even once the question of slavery has been dealt with. So don’t be too disappointed should you hear from newly fallen sinners of your world that things aren’t moving along too quickly in that regard. Though having your people be represented in truth at the table of governance puts them in a considerable leg up at least.”

“Hm. You have a point that, while many of the leaders forming the new World Government are aligned on this, there will undoubtedly be push back from other people and nations that are resistant to the change. Things have not been resolved in full. But simply the fact that our once unchangeable circumstances can in fact be changed is something I find much hope in. Thus, I will choose to trust in those who I’ve left behind to take care of the rest. Thank you for indulging in my curiosity as to how your world had been.”

“It seems a fair enough deal to trade information as such. I myself knew nothing about the circumstances you spoke of either. My– we’ve gone rather offtrack from the subject you came here to actually discuss, haven’t we!” Alastor ended on a chiming note as he raised his cup.

Jinbei waved the remark away with brief shake of the head, gesturing his cup in Alastor’s direction as he countered, “Not at all. Hearing the experiences of you and your people is most invaluable! And in any case, while I had thought to speak of Contracts, that isn’t necessarily what I sot you out for. It’s more just that it was a matter I thought I might learn more about you yourself from, Alastor. I wish to get to know our newest Nakama since I knew nothing of you other than your reputation. And I’ve found that, in many instances, it is much better to form an understanding of a person based on personal interactions rather than a view perpetuated by others. Therefore, the conversation we’ve had up until this point had been exactly what I’d been hoping for. Better than I hoped, even. It is my hope that, even with the dour topic we’ve been discussing, you are enjoying speaking with me as much as I am with you.”

With the careful control of his smile, Alastor reigned in any of his own internal surprise at that response from leaking into his expression. Instead, he allowed himself a short pause of a drink such that his thoughts could stir.

“ …It has been a rather intriguing conversation, yes. If you are looking for a long-term dialogue, I would not be disinclined to continue. Yes, another thing that might be of interest– Why don’t I tell you about not only details concerning the background of Soul Contracts, but also how that applies to how the captain is able to break their magic when such a feat is out of reach for every other soul. I feel as though your crew takes his capabilities for granted, but from my perspective as well as Husker’s and Angel’s, it came as quite a shock!”

“I would imagine so, that’s usually people’s first impression of Luffy. Ha! I’d love to hear some of the things our captain got up to with you though as well as your interpretation of his abilities, yes.”

The two of them ended up speaking for quite a while, moving on from various subjects of mutual interest. Alastor refrained from breeching into any information as personal as when he’d spoken of the social context of his living world, but Jinbei didn’t seem disheartened by him keeping his cards close to his chest so to speak, seemingly just happy to chat over anything at all with Alastor just to get to know him, as he’d claimed. Their back and forth was only interrupted once the deerling ventured up saying the cook had given him the task of bringing them to supper. Overall, Alastor would consider it an afternoon well spent, and from then on, Jinbei would seek him out on occasion to share similar conversations, much like how Chopper had gotten into the habit of frequenting his abode.

It was the day after that initial conversation, though, that Alastor had found himself thinking on the matters that had been spoken of. A familiar, bitter resentment coiled tight in his chest, constricting his breath and the broiling anger that simmered inside. Long brewed ire and venom breeching the surface after having remained hidden for quite some time. Out of sight and mind, but never truly dead and gone, as he was now reminded.

Usually, such a feeling would result in more violent impulses. But this time… a certain thought turned out of his head from it. One that he wasn’t inclined to. And yet, he couldn’t quite shake it out of his stream of consciousness.

So distracted was he by his conflicting thoughts, he’d been caught embarrassingly absentminded. One of the gate sections had been brought down by the cook and swordsman arguing over something or other, and while Nami set about punishing the two miscreants, Alastor emerged from his shadow to summon a handful of shade minions to fix the thing up. Rather than go back to his previous tasks, however, his gaze drifted without seeing as it was forcibly directed towards a certain area of the city. And it was in this state that he ended up blinking at the sight of Charlie standing directly in front of him, waving a hand in front of his eyes for good measure.

“ –Alastor? Hellooooo? Anyone home?”

“Dear Charlie, I had not thought you as the patronizing type despite many of your actions possibly being interpreted as such. I can see you quite clearly.”

“Don’t give me that! I’ve been trying to talk to you for like a whole minute now!” the Princess huffed at him shortly, before her face swiftly transitioned to one of concern, “That’s really not like you… Is something wrong?”

Grin pulling sharp, Alastor purposefully turned his cheek to the girl as he moved to buff out a speck on his monocle in a clear show of dismissal. “Not at all! I had simply been lost in my thoughts, as it were.”

“That just means there is something wrong! You can tell me, you know!”

“Nothing is wrong, so you needn’t worry your pretty little head over the matter,” he once again shut her down, though he couldn’t help but tack on a sardonic self-referential comment at the end, “It merely seems I’ve begun to show signs of the captain having rub off on me in certain, displeasing ways. Honestly. Such a stupidly unnecessary idea belongs in his head, not mine…”

He was jostled as he placed his monocle back on his face, Charlie pulling at his other sleeve as she pouted at him demanding, “Oh, now you’ve gotta tell me what’s up! Please? Pleeeease? Pretty pretty please?!”

Showing a grin full of serrated teeth and his antlers branching a noticeable amount, Charlie startled back as Alastor’s claws curled and his distorted voice chimed, “Are you sure about that, dearie? The matter concerns that little FAVOR you promised me, after all. The one which I have most certainly not forgotten about!”

The Princess stepped back from, properly cowed as intended. But before he could preen in victory, her wary gaze furrowed into something more akin to genuine consideration. She regained her footing once more.

“If– If you’re saying what I think you are. If you’re thinking like Luffy– thinking of using your favor on something you would think of as stupidly unnecessary… Then you should just tell me what it is you want anyway! I might consider doing it for you even without using the favor, depending on what it is!”

Indeed, it was a point of consideration. If he didn’t have to lose the favor he’d gained through his deal with the Princess of Hell over the matter, there would be no reason not to inquire about it. And he recognized it would be the sort of idea Charlie would agree to.

He looked back out towards the city rather than at the girl herself, even as he proposed, “ …Very well, then. In truth, I’d been wondering if it’d be possible to rent the entirety of your father’s dalliance of a theme park for a day without paying for it in true. Since I see very little chance of a certain treasurer-like navigator being pleased by the prospect of such a hefty payment.” 

“ …Huh? You wanna rent out Lu Lu World???” the befuddlement was clear in Charlie’s tone.

Smile curling in miffed discontent and muted humiliation, Alastor did an about-face to start heading back to the hotel proper. “Yes, I am quite aware it is a stupidly unnecessary request. Which is why I had previously refrained from speaking of it to begin with! If not for your annoying pestering– ”

“W-Wait! I didn’t say no! I just– was surprised, is all! Really, just wait a second!”

Charlie managed to dive in front of him once more, huffing at her own effort to cut off his retreat. Looking up at him from where she leaned over with her hands on her knees, the Princess gave him a glance of honest curiosity rather than mocking. “If that’s all you want, sure! I can pull a few strings! I just want to know, uh… Why? I’d almost think you were trying to do something sketchy, but then you wouldn’t be so bothered by asking…”

Alastor forced himself to settle once more, straightening his posture and shifting his visage out of the demonic attributes it had begun transitioning into. He returned Charlie’s inquisitive look with a muted, still not quite relaxed smile and half-lidded gaze. He had to parse out how to explain the situation.

“ …It seems that the pirates’ world took after Earth in certain matters, in that there were islands and bodies of governance who imposed restrictions and subjugation against certain races. The helmsman spoke of an amusement park he and his people could not take part in. And even as things seem to be on the mend for them, now that he’s died, he shall not get to partake in the advancements he had worked for. You could say he’s been left on the bitter end of the deal, though he himself does not seem to see it that way. So I had the thought that, once the rest of his crew arrives, perhaps he might enjoy a trip to the one Hell has to offer. It’s simply a trivial consideration, nothing more.”

It was about more than just a visit to the theme park, though. After all, if that was the case, simply purchasing regular tickets and attending normally would be the easiest way to go about it. No, Alastor specifically wished for the petty satisfaction of inverting the circumstances of life such that they were permitted into the park, and no one else.

He conveniently left that detail out however so that Charlie wouldn’t become disinclined to the idea. The reaction was immediate. With a hand raised to her mouth, Charlie gained a watery-eyed, emotional expression that already had Alastor internally sighing and bracing himself for the happening. The same hand lowered to press against her chest as she sent him a disgustingly soft and wobbly smile.

“Oh, Alastor… That’s so sweet of you! Of course I’ll get you guys into Lu Lu World! And of course I wouldn’t make you use your deal for something like that! What’s a favor between friends, right? We can even make a hotel activity out of it with the others and all the new guests, exclusive access for a whole day! Oh my gosh, I’m getting excited just thinking about it! It’s such a great idea! A day trip at the amusement park– Why didn’t I think of that first?!”

“AMUSEMENT PARK?!?!”

Alastor just barely caught himself from falling forward onto the ground when a certain Monkey launched himself into his back, folding him over almost entirely with a pained grunt.

Slowly pushing back against the weight to straighten back up, his neck cracked as he whipped his head around to glare a sharp grin at Luffy hanging on his back with his arms wrapped around Alastor’s shoulders and his legs around his midsection in a most unbecoming piggyback ride. He hissed at the boy’s giggling excitement and sparking eyes, “Hush you. We’re not going anytime soon, Charlie and I are just considering plans for a future excursion. Now get off me!”

“No!” his very simple request was immediately rejected with glee, Luffy’s energy not dimming in the slightest, “Goin’ when everyone’s here ‘s a great idea, yeah! Jinbei wasn’t around when we went to Sabaody cause he joined later, and when we went with Camie, the day ended not fun when some guy took her cause she was a mermaid and we had to go get her back. Thanks Al! Shishishi!”

Making a mental note of the rather unsettling detail the captain mentioned offhand, Alastor placated with an undertone of exasperation, “Yes yes, very good. Just promise not to mention anything of this to the others yet. Let’s make a surprise out of it, shall we? And also not to mention my involvement in these plannings.”

Luffy happily complied, “I promise, yeah! But why don’t ya wanna let ‘em know about you? Ya don’t need ‘a be embarrassed! It’s nice that you’re nice!”

“I’m not being nice. I am addressing an injustice that I personally find to be rather infuriating! Intention matters in that regard! The others being aware of my hand in things will give them the wrong impression, as you are exemplifying now, that I’d prefer avoiding.”

“Huh? That kinda thing doesn’t matter. If someone thinks what you’re doin’ for ‘em is nice, then it’s nice! And as long as you’re doin’ what ya want it’s fine!”

“Somedays I truly believe speaking to a brick wall would leave more of an impact on the wall than compared to when I attempt to speak to you…”

Off to the side, Charlie was in the midst of giggling laughter. Laughing at his expense of course. Finally resorting to summoning a good number of shadowy tendrils to remove the captain from his person, Alastor once again found himself questioning if the newfound entertainment value of the boy and his crew was worth this hassle.

…Though, in the same vein, he couldn’t rid himself of the fondness of seeing Luffy’s beaming smile sent his way. Pleased to know he’d made a decision that pleased the boy. And if he stopped putting up a fuss once the Luffy had given up on hanging from his back to instead hug Alastor’s arm against his person, well, that was his own prevue to indulge the boy as such.

“So? What do you have for me, Hawkins?”

“ …There is a 100% chance of you returning to Straw Hat’s side within the week.”

Law scowled at the scarecrow-looking demon version of Basil Hawkins. Hawkin stared bad in a fully unemotive deadpan. “You didn’t even use your cards for that!”

With eyes that were somehow both stone-cold but also now gave off the impression he was looking at a particularly stupid man, Hawkins drawled, “Because I didn’t need them to know such an easy prediction.”

“But that wasn’t even what I was asking about?!”

“Does nothing to change the fact that that is your future, Surgeon of Death. Despite your protests, you are bound to the now Pirate King most willingly.”

Pinching in between his closed eyes, Law settled himself with a deep sigh before looking back up to glare at the fortune-teller. “If that’s the only thing you have to say to me, I’m not paying. You know that right?”

“Indeed. That was simply the easiest prediction to get out of the way, as I’d mentioned,” Hawkins had a shit ton of snark for a guy seemingly only capable of one or two facial expressions. Law had to keep himself from snapping back as he watched a hand made of straw finally reach for the guy’s damn tarot cards. As the cards shuffled themselves and Hawkins slid off the card now at the top of the deck, an ominous, dimly illuminated purple mist swirled around them.

“The Tower, upright. Wheel of Fortune, reversed…” Hawkins called as he placed down the cards. His eye flashed in a violet glow. “There is an 85% chance that the Vee Overlords will be provoked into make a drastic move as their order falls apart around them, though not in the immediate future, and a 70% Blackbeard will see this as an opportunity to give himself the advantage.”

“I can see him making that sort of move, yeah…” Law muttered under his breath, arms crossing over his chest at the feeling of it tightening.

“There’s one more…” Hawkins pulled from his cards, smoke-like magic wafting off the additions as he placed them on a separate section of his desk from the previous fortune.

“Judgement, reversed. Death, upright… and The Sun, upright. There is a 65% chance that Heaven will mount a considerable force for the next Extermination in an attempt to reassert their authority, and should this be the case, there is a 90% chance the Sun God shall act against them.”

Law nodded in agreement, sighing, “Can’t expect any less from him. I’d say 90% is a bit low, even… Are you really going to start calling him that, though?”

“It is how the cards described him, so in this instance, I shall follow suit.”

“And if the cards told you to jump off a cliff?”

“That could be said to be a metaphor for how I followed the path leading to my death, can it not? One must simply do the best with the cards fate has played for them,” Hawkins countered with that esoteric, echoing voice of his, before he fell back into a deadpan that matched his stare at Law, “Not all of us are fortunate enough to fall into the favor of a God.”

He couldn’t withhold his growl, at that, “You bastard– he wasn’t any God when I made an alliance with him, and I died too!”

“Indeed, you did. After you had parted ways. Perhaps if you had accepted the lucky card that had been dealt to you and stayed on his path, you would not have decreased your own probability of survival and led yourself into such a fate,” Hawkins’ long and spindly finger made of twisting straw tapped the upright Sun card as he said this, as though he really thought Law was stupid enough not to make the connection for himself.

“I didn’t come here to take shit from you…” Law muttered the irate remark in the back of his throat as he dug into his pockets to slam the owed cash onto the table, done with the guy. “You’re lucky I’m even giving you this much when you didn’t give me anything on Doflamingo!”

“The other predictions were of more importance, and thus revealed themselves to me more readily. If you are truly persistent as to hearing a fortune concerning that Warlord, I can attempt one more read for you. Though once again I cannot guarantee such cards will be played for you” the scarecrow quietly huffed, as though Law was the one being hard to work with here.

“Fine. Go on then!”

Passive-aggressively maintaining eye contact the entire time that he reorganized the money to a corner of his desk and off his cards, Law purposely rolled his eyes at the other Supernova even as Hawkin’s magic started up once more.

“The Moon, reversed… Interesting.”

While Law hasn’t used Hawkin’s services more than a handful of times, he’s done this enough to know the man has never referred to his reading as ‘interesting’ before. He also knows that the guy is more than just a hack, seeing as he’d managed to predict an ‘80% chance’ of Luffy ending up in Hell and that ended up being proved right despite the logic that should have been against it. Internally, Law braced himself, even as he kept his words short, “What is it?”

“ …There is a 50% chance you will be at odds with Straw Hat’s newest crewmate, the Radio Demon, and a 50% chance you will find yourselves in agreement.”

“ …I’m not fucking paying you for that.”

“I did warn you that a prediction concerning– ”

“That part of it doesn’t even matter. You’re seriously gonna give me a 50/50 prediction about literally the least important thing you could have picked? I could’ve just flipped a coin for this bullshit! The only useful thing I learned from that is that the idiot managed to recruit the Radio Demon, and I would’ve figured that out within five minutes after meeting up with him again!”

“ …Understandable. However, it is not my fault the cards are not in your favor. Your luck has certainly taken a turn for the worst, the longer you refrain from following the path meant for you.”

“Fuck you too, Hawkins! Stop poking at the damn Sun card! I’m not a fucking idiot!”

“ …If that is what you believe, let’s best hope the cards do not prove it a folly. Until next time, Trafalgar.”

When he left, Law made sure the door slammed behind him.

As he arranged and rearranged potential plans in his mind, Law had to tell himself that he absolutely was not, was not, moving up his timeframe for heading to the delusional redemption hotel of Princess Morningstar’s because Hawkins told him to. No– he just thought it was about time to bite the bullet. Nothing wrong with that, right? And so what if he’s starting to feel that invisible, imaginary pull that seems to always draw his attention back towards Luffy? He knows why he’s feeling it, and he already knew falling back into the guy’s pace was as inevitable as the Sun rising in the world of the living. No need for that snarky 100% prediction from a damn scarecrow!

As his thoughts begin to spiral over themselves in a mix of stubbornness and resignation, a distant part of Law found himself wondering if Corazon and his crew could watch him from where they were up behind the pearly gates. If so, he also wondered if they were laughing at him. Wouldn’t blame them, honestly. He knows that if this were happening to literally anyone else, he’d find it fucking hilarious, that’s for damn sure…

Chapter Text

“LAAAAAAAW!!!!! You finally came! What took ya so long?!”

“I’m already questioning why I bothered showing up at all…” the man huffed from within the boa constrictor hold that was Luffy’s arms wrapped multiple times around his body. Even with the complaint, he didn’t look surprised in the slightest, merely scowling in exasperated irritation at his plight. There was a gleam on fondness in his eyes that he couldn’t quite conceal as he looked at Luffy’s beaming smile.

“Oh! Are you another one of Luffy’s crew? Or a friend?” Charlie eagerly chimed in while leaning forward in curiosity with an elated smile. The effort just earned her a sharp-eyed glare of assessment, causing the Princess to step back a good number of steps while Vaggie approached to stand beside her with her own glare.

“No. I’m the captain of a different crew, the Heart Pirates, and was in alliance with this idiot and the Straw Hats. The name’s Trafalgar Law, also known as the Surgeon of Death. If you’re looking for someone to put some limbs back on or sell your organs to, I’m available during normal business hours,” Trafalgar ended his introduction with a smirk of an unsettling grin, causing Charlie to lean back even further as she tried to keep her now awkward and tense smile. Vaggie just narrowed her eyes in even more suspicion than she’d started with.

Surgeon of Death was certainly an interesting epitaph for someone trying to make a living as a doctor, but Alastor supposed that was why it was intended for a pirate. His style most definitely matched the “edge” the name implied, though. While his form was clearly that of a snow leopard with spotted gray fur, furry ears and a tail and all, his eyebags looked like they belonged more on a corpse than a living body, and his shirt left enough of his chest on display to showcase the majority of a tattoo-like design of a large heart with an unusual and unsettling looking jolly roger in the upper center. Not to mention he literally had the letters of “DEATH” spelled out across the fingers of both hands. Not exactly the hands a patient would wish to see on an operating table. The considerably long sword scabbard stuck in the midst of both Trafalgar’s and Luffy’s arms just topped the whole image off.

Overall, Alastor diagnosed the man with a fairly common affliction: trying much too hard to be creepy. And this was from his perspective as a demon who does pay mind to keeping his own behaviors and image such that they uphold his more frightening reputation.

“Everyone look! Traffy’s here!”

“We see him, Luffy,” Nami sighed as she stepped forward along with the Straw Hats who happened to be present. She didn’t look extraordinarily happy, but her attitude was pleasant enough as she greeted, “Welcome back Law.”

Usopp nodded in a look of understanding, echoing the sentiment, “Yeah, good to see you again after– Well– Anyway, come to serve your time with Luffy again? It’s good to face the inevitable like that.”

“Hi Law! Have you done a lot of surgeries on demons since you’ve been here? Let me see your notes on them, please! I’m still learning the biology!” the Straw Hat’s own much more patient-friendly looking doctor chimed from his shorter stature.

“Still in denial about that alliance as much you had been alive, I see,” the cook sighed while lighting a new cigarette.

The swordsman scoffed his own addition, crossing his arms as he complained, “Of course he is. Just look at how long it took him to finally show his face! We told ya where Luffy was ages ago!”

The snow leopard simmered at both the greetings and Luffy’s responding laughter, “Did I ASK for your opinion? No matter what any of you believe along with your idiot captain, an alliance is an alliance. That’s all there is to it! Being in Hell doesn’t change anything! The game has just changed is all.”

“Shishishi! I’m so happy Traffy’s our friend!”

“Did you hear a single word of what I just said?!”

“Of course he didn’t! What nonsense is that? Haha!” Alastor chimed his own shorter laugh to match the captain’s, rising up from the shadows behind where Trafalgar was glaring at the opposing pirates. At the address, the snow leopard twisted himself in his binds to shift his glare towards the Radio Demon instead. Alastor’s smile curled a bit mean at the look, narrowing his own gaze in a tease.

“A pleasure to be meeting you, quite~ a pleasure. Perhaps an introduction is in order, seeing as you are familiar with the rest of these good fellow miscreants. I am the Radio Demon, Alastor. Perhaps you’ve heard one of my broadcasts recently?”

“Al’s on my crew now!” the captain of course took the opportunity to interject.

Trafalgar replied in a deep, flat tone, “I’ve heard you before, yeah. When you started up the damn Sun God cult especially. Since it sounded like things were getting more interesting over here, I thought I’d take the time for a visit.”

“Huh? But Traffy’s staying, right?”

“I’ve been down here long enough to have my own place to live, you know. So no…”

The man tsked as he averted his glare away from Luffy’s childish pout. Predictably, the captain continued to insist, “But even Barto’s staying here! Traffy’s gotta stay too!”

“What do I care about what your fanboy turned missionary is doing? I have clinic to run now, and staying in the apartment above it is useful for when emergency cases come in off hours. That kinda thing happens a lot in Hell, so it’d be bad for business if I stayed anywhere else.”

Alastor noted the way the navigator and sniper turned towards each other in a knowing glance. That was all the encouragement Usopp needed, apparently, to gain a smug smirk, raising a hand to call out, “Ohoho? I guess Traffy really doesn’t care Barto’s ended up taking his place as Luffy’s number one ally, huh? That’s such a shame. You held the title for so long, too! We would’ve thought you’d want to keep it still especially now that Luffy’s the Pirate King and all, but it sounds like you’ve moved onto better things, huh. Guess those pirating days are really over for you. I would ‘a never pegged ya to be such a dedicated doctor, though! This is an improvement in character!”

While his heckling came on quite strong, the coward ended up losing his nerve when the leopard’s glare turned piercing in a twitch, diving to hide behind Zoro’s relatively wider frame with a small yelp. Trafalgar’s words came out more as growl, “You wanna try me, Nose-ya?! Don’t be stupid! That kind of title never existed in the first place!”

Picking up the thread, Sanji pulled his nicotine stick away to blow the smoke from his smirk as he jeered, “So you’re saying that, if we were to rank our captain’s allies including the Fleet in terms of usefulness and strength, you wouldn’t be at the top of the list?”

“Of course I would! But that’s beside the point!”

Alastor had to keep his stare from being too obvious as he eyed the increasingly irritated man’s sudden change up. The snow leopard continued to growl out in full intimidation as though he wasn’t still within the rubber octopus trap that was the captain in question, “What Barto-ya is doing with this cult shit is completely unrelated to me, and it’s not something Straw Hat-ya would want in the first place! It doesn’t matter where I’m staying, I’m still the most useful ally he has!”

“Hmm? Are you quite sure about that?” Alastor couldn’t help but chime in with his own cackle, stretching out his curled grin with a tilt of the head as the glare once again settled on him. Gesturing his mic towards the innocently blinking Charlie, he cajoled, “From my perspective, it seems to me that our very own Princess Charlotte Morningstar is higher up in the running than you! After all, she has provided the good captain with, let’s see– lodging, food, a generous allowance, lodging for the rest of his crew, a grocery allowance for the cook, a point of operations for the growing fleet, all completely without asking for anything in return! Just to name a few things off the top of my head. In comparison, what have you done, exactly?”

Black electricity sparking through his fur, the man practically barked back, “We took on two of the Four Emperors in our alliance! And the only reason he even got that far was because I showed up at the damn war in Marineford and saved his life by operating on him! The Princess only gave Luffy stuff that was convenient for her to provide, it didn’t actually cost her anything! I’m the one who stuck my neck out for him!”

Charlie flinched at the accusation, expression falling in such a way that Vaggie immediately wrapped her arm around her lover in comfort. None of the Straw Hats looked pleased as well, all going tense at the mention of “Marineford”. Chopper even flinched inward in a tearful look.

While Alastor kept his smile intact, this time his eyes narrowed in displeasure as he folded his hands and mic behind his back. Like the demon he was, he continued to weave words of provocation and ill-intention, “That was in life. I’m talking about in death, good doctor. The bonds one makes in life do not necessitate their continuation down in the pits. If you wish to continue your association with the captain, I would suggest you make the effort to do so, lest you find yourself without the benefits of his power. Or at least, that is my assumption of why you wished for an alliance with him to begin with?”

“You think that’s why I’m putting up with this?! That’s not– ” Trafalgar cut himself off with a twitch, presumably catching himself before admitting to something he didn’t want to, “If you all won’t shut up about this, fine! I’ll stay for some days out of the week. Happy now?! This isn’t worth the trouble! Less than five minutes in and I’m already caught in your pace…”

Luffy cried out in joyful victory, “YAAAAAYYY!!! I knew Traffy would wanna stay with me! Hahaha!”