Chapter Text
Julienne took a deep breath and made a conscious effort not to look at her watch. She knew not much time would have passed since she last looked. Time seemed to be moving unusually slowly today, yet she’d barely managed to get anything done.
She sighed and leaned back in her chair. Children were playing and laughing outside in the snow despite the freezing temperatures. Normally she didn’t mind the noise, but she found herself strangely irritable today. And it certainly wasn’t helping the headache which had been creeping up on her all morning either.
She sighed again, tugging at her scarf. The recent cold snap, which turned out to be anything but a snap, had easily defeated the heating system of Nonnatus House. Fred had been summoned to see what could be done and the fireplaces had been running at full capacity day and night. Yet the indoor temperature had remained low enough that everyone wore many extra layers at all times. At this moment however, she was starting to feel warm. A little too warm.
She’d already removed her gloves. They had been needed as she entered her office, but they were impossible to wear when writing. She’d turned on the space heater (which the others had insisted she keep in her office despite her protests) and after a while she was able to remove her gloves and get to work. Now she worried she’d left it on too long, wasting resources. She quickly got up and turned it off.
Sitting back down, she had to get up almost immediately to remove her scarf and shrug out of her coat as she was still much too warm. She sat once more, elbows resting on her desk as she put pressure on her temples in an unconscious attempt to relieve her headache. Looking back at her work she realised she had no idea what she had been doing or where she’d left off.
It didn’t take long before she once more felt heat surge through her body. She briefly wondered if she’d somehow failed to turn off the space heater, but she checked and that wasn’t the case. She removed her cardigan and hung it on the back of her chair before sitting back down. Taking another deep breath, she got back to the task at hand.
Despite her best effort, progress was only being made at a snail’s pace. Her mind felt sluggish and even though she’d shed many layers, she still felt strangely overheated. She’d even pulled her sleeves up a little as the cool wood of her desk felt nice against her wrists and forearms.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Enter,” she called, her voice sounding strained in her own ears. She took an unsteady breath. Her neck piece seemed strangely tight, hot and uncomfortable. She slid a finger between it and her neck, pulling gently to relieve the pressure and let in some air.
The door opened and Phyllis entered. She was in uniform, with the addition of the thick brown rug she had taken to wearing over her shoulders since the freezing weather had descended upon them. Her head was tilted down, clearly absorbed in the clipboard she was carrying.
“Good morning, Sister,’ she said without looking up. “I wonder if I might have a word with you about the roster. With Nurse Mount and Nurse Busby-” she stopped abruptly as she lifted her eyes from the clipboard and caught sight of Julienne. “Everything alright, Sister?”
“Yes, perfectly,” Julienne replied with a smile which she hoped wasn’t too obviously forced. She saw Phyllis watching her and felt the need to say something. “The space heater was working a little too well,” she said by way of explanation. She gestured for Phyllis to sit in the chair opposite the desk. Phyllis didn’t look convinced, but made no mention of it. She felt the nurse’s eyes on her as she approached the chair. Phyllis sat, cocking an eyebrow at her before looking down at her clipboard once more.
“Well as you are aware, with Nurse Mount and Nurse Busby away and no replacements in sight, we really are stretched quite thin. And that’s before the current weather conditions we find ourselves in.”
Julienne felt a pang of guilt. For letting down Sister Mary Cynthia, for failing to recruit replacements faster, and by extension failing the community. She cleared her throat. “As you say, I am well aware of the situation. Which is why I have increased my number of district and midwifery shifts as of late. Though I am of course aware that is not nearly enough,” she added with a frown.
“Sister, you’ve done more than your fair share of extra shifts. That’s not what I’m asking for. But with no end in sight for either our staff shortage or the current climate, I strongly believe it is time to request enforcement.”
Julienne let out a long, slow breath. She knew Nurse Crane was right. Despite what she might want to believe, she couldn’t be everywhere at once. The community’s need was simply too great. She nodded. “I shall phone Mother Jesu Emmanuel this afternoon.”
Phyllis looked pleased, but her face shifted as she was once again taking a closer look at Julienne. “Forgive me Sister, but are you sure you’re alright?”
Julienne swallowed. “Yes thank you, quite alright,” she said, but she knew her reply came a beat too late.
“Hm,” Phyllis said, her eyes narrowing a smidgen. Julienne was very aware she was being looked at through a clinical eye and it made her uncomfortable. Her head was pounding and her eyes felt hot and watery.
“Let’s have a look at the roster, shall we?” Julienne suggested. She motioned toward the clipboard and Phyllis handed it over. “Put me in for district rounds Wednesday, and then I’ll take the night shift on Thursday,” she said after looking over the gaps in the week’s schedule.
“Sister-” Phyllis began but Julienne held up a hand to stop her.
“I shall phone the Mother House today, but even if Mother Jesu Emmanuel is able to send anyone it will take a few days.”
“Well, if you’re sure,” Phyllis relented as Julienne picked up a pen and wrote her name in the empty spaces.
“Absolutely,” Julienne said with a genuine smile this time. She handed back the clipboard.
Phyllis looked over the roster once more. “I suppose that stubs out the immediate fires,” she said, not looking entirely happy, then locking eyes with Julienne. “But this isn’t sustainable and you know it.”
“As I said, I’m phoning Mother Jesu today,” Julienne said, trying her best to ignore a tickle in her throat. A bead of sweat rolled down her back and it made her shiver.
“Good. Well then, I better get back. Those delivery packs won’t fill themselves.” Phyllis got up and headed to the door. She just stepped out, then turned back and stuck her head through the doorframe. “And I should like to get to the Black Sail well in time for clinic this afternoon. Last week Mrs Young stepped in a pile of pork scratchings, an incident which I am keen not to repeat this time.”
“Of course, Nurse Crane.” Julienne watched as Phyllis disappeared down the corridor. She felt another wave of heat wash over her. She pulled at her scapular, creating little waves of air. Taking a deep breath, she felt another shiver go down her spine. Right now the thought of going outside to cool down and get some fresh air seemed rather appealing. But she had work to do, so made an effort to focus and get back to her documents.
The minutes ticked by unbelievably slowly. Not long after Phyllis had left, the room had started feeling a little chilly again, much like it had when she arrived first thing in the morning. She slipped on her cardigan, and soon she had to reach for her coat and scarf as well. Shivers started running up and down her spine more frequently, and the pounding in her head only became worse.
Eventually she found herself too chilled and unfocused to concentrate. She stood to turn the space heater back on and left for the kitchen to put the kettle on. She was hoping a cup of tea would help warm her up from the inside, and supposed it was a good excuse to stretch her legs and hopefully clear her head a little.
She put the kettle on, and put another log on the fire in the dining room while she waited for the water to boil. Sitting on a chair in the kitchen to wait, she pulled her coat closer around her. She wondered if someone might have left the front door open as it was starting to feel very cold indeed.
She briefly considered taking an aspirin for her headache, but when the kettle whistled she was distracted and forgot all about it. Once back in her office she cradled the cup in both hands for warmth, slowly sipping the tea. It was soothing to her throat, which had started tickling rather more intensely now that she thought about it. Though that was hardly surprising, given the dry air.
The space heater and tea warmed her up sufficiently to get a little more work done, but it was still slow going by her standards. She couldn’t help but feel it was a relief when Phyllis knocked on her door to tell her she was leaving for their temporary Tuesday clinic location.
Stepping out on the front step, what little warmth Julienne had managed to build up was instantly taken away by a sharp gust of wind. Her shoulders tensed and she had to make a conscious effort to keep her teeth from chattering.
Phyllis had already loaded the Morris Minor with the first batch of supplies. Julienne stepped carefully on the uneven snow and got into the passenger seat. Normally she might not have accepted a lift so readily, but she was starting to recognise she wasn’t quite feeling 100%. An early night she thought, hoping she would have the energy to manage through the rest of the day and that she’d feel better tomorrow.
The car journey was relatively silent, apart from occasional comments from Phyllis about the insufficient snow clearing or a child being out without a hat on. Had she been more alert though, she would have seen Phyllis casting a concerned eye on her from time to time.
The gentle rocking of the car as they slowly made their way to The Black Sail was almost enough to lull Julienne to sleep. She felt she might very well have if she wasn’t so very cold.
They arrived outside the pub and started unloading the equipment. Valerie was already there, having spent her half day with her aunt in the pub. She greeted them with a big smile and started helping them unload the car, whizzing in and out with the speed and energy of youth.
Julienne’s mind was feeling foggier by the minute. She put all her energy into just putting one foot in front of the other.
“That’s the last of it, I’ll head back to Nonnatus for the rest,” Phyllis announced as she put down a baby scale on one of the tables before heading back outside.
Julienne felt like all energy was draining out of her, fast. She put down the box she was carrying on a table, stars starting to prick her vision.
She put a hand out to the table to support herself, then the other, leaning heavily on the table. But the world still tilted, and her vision blurred.
“Sister?”
Valerie’s voice sounded distant in her ears, but the concern was unmistakable. Then there was a hand at her upper arm, keeping her from toppling over.
“Sister, are you feeling dizzy?”
She wanted to respond, but found herself putting all energy into not falling over.
Then she felt another hand on her other arm, and then she was gently manoeuvred into a chair. The world was still spinning and her eyes unfocused, but she could see a face swim into view. A cool hand was pressed to her forehead. “Oh Sister, you’re burning up,” Valerie said. “Why didn’t you say?”
“I, uh…” Julienne tried, still unfocused and a little out of breath. “I thought it would be… we’re so short staffed and I…” she trailed off, not able to form a coherent sentence.
The door swung open and a heavily pregnant woman walked in. Julienne heard there was a conversation but couldn’t quite register the words.
“Auntie Florrie, do you have a room free upstairs?” she suddenly heard Valerie call out.
Florrie came through the swing doors from the kitchen, wiping a glass with a dish cloth. “What’s happened?”
“Sister Julienne’s taken unwell, and is a bit unsteady. I think it’s best if she can lie down until Phyllis gets here and can drive her back to Nonnatus.”
Florrie nodded. “Take the purple room, I changed the sheets this morning. First door on the right.”
“Alright, Sister,” Valerie said softly. Julienne felt her hand on her shoulder and realised she’d been holding her steady this whole time. “People are starting to arrive, and I think you’ll be more comfortable waiting upstairs. It’s more quiet and you can lie down.”
Julienne heard her speak, but it took a while for her mind to process the words. Everything was moving slowly, even her thoughts. She wanted to protest; she didn’t want a fuss, and she didn’t feel she had the energy to move. But all that came out was a “mmh”.
The next few minutes were mostly a blur. The young nurse coaxed her up from her seat and helped her up the narrow staircase into a small room. She was guided to sit on the bed and take two aspirin, then encouraged to lie down. A blanket was draped over her and despite shivering she found it difficult to keep her eyes open.
“Nurse Crane should be back soon,” Valerie said, rubbing her arm gently.
Flashes of worry crossed her mind. What would happen with the clinic? What about those shifts she just signed on for? When could they repair the broken toilet?
She curled up on her side, tugging the blanket closer to her for warmth. The thoughts blurred together until she fell into a restless sleep.