Work Text:
1.
Three months after the end of extinction day, Lute began to read books.
She reads a lot of books. She has no time to read books that she has never touched before, or books that she is not interested in. She has read so many books that she has filled a whole bookcase, among which human books account for the vast majority of her reading list.
For example, Dante's Divine Comedy, Tasso's The Liberation of Jerusalem, john bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, and France's Tess are all in her list. In recent days, she often opens her books with a desk lamp at midnight, enjoying this peace and tranquility in silence, which is hard to experience in her past life.
In the past, Lute's responsibility was very heavy. As a dedicated adjutant, she always managed the big and small things in the exorcits angel, and she handled a lot of work, so she naturally had to take responsibility for them. But now the extinction day has been completely cancelled-even if one's position is elevated, life will not be as heavy as before. At least for a long time, exorcits angels won't have any work that requires knives and guns, let alone she is on vacation.
With this in mind, Lute reached out and took down a book from the shelf of the library, as she did every day. Take it to the front desk for registration and take it home.
"Good afternoon, Miss Lute, there you go again."
As a librarian, the angel smiled at her as usual, and her blue eyes were soft and bright, which easily reminded people of birds walking freely in the forest. "You read so fast. You were here yesterday afternoon, and today I see you again. Is this the book this time? "
"yes."
Lute nodded and didn't say much. She has been reading really fast recently. Even too soon? She can finish a book with nearly 1000 pages in one night. Maybe she brought the habits she developed on the battlefield into her life. This is normal and not necessarily a bad thing. After all, she is a soldier.
"Seeing that you like literary appreciation so much, you must also like watching movies?"
Movies. Lute paused, like a deer awakened by footsteps from silence. In her mind, it seemed as if someone had been pressed a switch and a rusty mechanical gear was slowly turning. Then she replied, "No. I don't like it. "
Her answer was crisp and neat, but the angel opposite didn't feel touched by the wall. She just murmured with regret, "It's a pity, I thought you would be interested in movies. I have a movie ticket here, which was drawn at a shopping mall activity. But I couldn't go that day. I thought that since you are so interested in literary appreciation, you might as well taste it for me. "
Lute didn't respond, as she always does when facing unfamiliar objects. Silence is a special solution to any speech, and proper reticence is better than anything else. Moreover, she is not an angel who is used to benefiting, let alone something that comes from an unfamiliar angel. Having said that, she still glanced at the film ticket with Phnom Penh printed on it, just out of curiosity. What kind of sad movie does that seem to be? Boring.
"Then, I wish you a happy life forever." The angel handed back the registered book, but Lute just took it, nodded and walked out of the library, as always.
Yeah, but a movie? She actually watched it. Of course she goes to the movies, but not to the cinema. She doesn't like to go to that kind of place. Being in a room with a lot of people she doesn't know always makes her feel uncomfortable, and she often gets distracted and goes to other places. For example, the whispering of the crowd, the occasional light on the screen of someone's phone, and the long-winded, silent voice.
Lute、Lute！
Look, this is coming.
She smelled a little damp and looked up. The masked face with golden eyes was already standing in front of her. An angel much taller than her poked her shoulder impatiently, and her tone was contemptuous and irritable: Are you really fucking slow enough, Lute? Did you step on gum on the soles of your shoes or something? That chick from the library hooked up with you?
No, sir, I was just wondering what books to borrow. She felt helpless. In the face of her address unknown-mouthed chief executive, she often feels helpless. For nothing else, just saying that his restless mouth with a lot of dirty words is enough for her. Although she has long been used to all Adam's bad habits, she still can't completely ignore it.
Okay, okay, I forgive you, little tits. I'm an enlightened officer. But you've really read enough books recently, haven't you? What, are you going to run for president (although there is no such system in heaven, ha! ) or do you want to do something to show off in front of other girls-oh, no, that won't do. I admit that you are a great woman, but you didn't really-yeah, is that your friend?
Hearing this, Lute subconsciously moved her hand holding the book behind her, as if hiding a secret. It is indeed her friend who is running towards her not far away. Yes, the beautiful, lovely and vibrant little angel.
“Luteeeeee!!” The young girl plunged into her arms like a clever bird, and the whole body was filled with warm and sweet sunshine. Her hair rubbed against her chin, which made Lute easily smell the faint flowers on the other side. "Long time no see! How are you recently? "
"Well, it's okay. Everything is as usual. " Lute pondered the words, and the hand holding the book took hold of each other's back. She smiled at her gently, which is really rare for her who doesn't have much gentle expression in daily life, but at the same time, her eyes glanced back subconsciously-Adam didn't wait for her, as if she was sure that she would catch up soon, and those golden wings seemed to be coated with a soft filter under the sunlight, with golden river flowing on them.
"That would be the best ... great! I mean, yes, that's great! " There was a momentary pause in the girl's voice, and then a warmer smile greeted her back to the line of sight. "I saw you coming out of the library, and I heard that you have been reading recently? Our most dangerous and powerful girl has finally learned to find some new interests for her leisure time? Huh? "
Lute smiled and said sincerely, "I really read a lot of books recently. Books about heaven and the like written by human beings. " "Are you interested in this? I never expected that you would read something like fighting teaching or swords and halberds! " The girl looked at her in surprise, her eyes shining with wonder, and Lute-she did what she was best at again. Keep your mouth shut.
This is the default meaning.
But the girl opposite immediately showed a little panic, as if she were afraid that her words would accidentally offend her. She loosened her hands clasping Lute's waist, and took two steps back slightly awkwardly, but her eyes with beautiful eyes began to wander. "Well, I heard that you ordered one, and the object ... is going to get it recently? No, I'm sorry, it's not. It's just, um ... I wish you all the best, Lute! I have to leave in advance! " The speed at which the girl left can almost be described as running away. Lute watched the little angel's flustered back and said nothing.
There's nothing to say. She still hasn't read her books.
She still holds the book in her hand. Recently, her right hand has become more powerful. Even if the book is thick enough, she can hold it well. Lute looked down at this book that she had not opened yet, and the words Paradise Lost were written on the gilded cover.
She opened the first page, and the golden font lay in the middle of the blank page, almost dazzling.
"Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life…I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee…Cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground--"⁽¹⁾
Lute immediately closed the book and walked forward.
2.
It rained cats and dogs all day without warning, with no sign of stopping. Lute slowly, slowly raised her stiff head. She don't know when she had fallen asleep, and the little voice-activated lamp had already gone out, and the book still remained lying on her lap like before going to bed--the story has come to an end.
So she stopped reading, just stood up with stiff shoulders and walked slowly to the French window. Heavy rain, heavy rain, the night is so thick that it seems that it will never light up again. The pouring rain turns the whole world into mottled light and shadow, as if it will not stop for another forty days.⁽²⁾ Water falls from the sky and finally flows into the ground, and it will not stop.
In this heavy rain, memories were slowly peeled off like cocoons, and Lute remembered the book he read-no, not Paradise Lost, not just Paradise Lost. But all. It's all the books she has read in these months.
She had to admit that human beings are really-very good. Their records and speculation about their eternal country-heaven are rarely wrong. She doesn't feel that she is reading books written by human beings, but reading the history of creation.
But the only thing that puzzles her is.
Lute paused.
Adam in the story is always kind and upright, and she is completely different from her immediate boss in reality. No, it's not mean he's bad. On the contrary, he's fine. It's just that his virtue is bad and he is too ostentatious. He is free, exaggerated and sharp, but he is not gentle. Even in the face of a date, he never showed any signs of being in line with himself in the book.
A kind of weird, eccentric predicament gradually rises from her body, as if an invisible egg wrapped her gently. The rain is like the tide, and the world is breathing deeply with its lungs. In this darkness, Lute smells a very light damp smell, mixed with a faint earthy smell, which is very close, as if it were close at hand. Is it raining so hard? So that the smell of vegetation wafts home?
The telephone bell rang untimely at this time, which was particularly harsh in this wet and heavy rainy night, like the death knell ringing on the day of extinction. Lute paced to the bed to get the electronic device that she had forgotten, and she could know who would call at this point without looking. She pressed the answer key.
A surprise inspection!! What are you doing, my favorite little bitch?? Don't tell me you are sleeping, I can't accept such an excuse! Why else would you answer my phone so quickly?
..... I'm sleeping, sir.
What she said is true. She was still sleeping a moment ago, but the pain of lumbar muscle strain woke her up.
Bah, don't tell that lie, you dirty little liar. You're like a fucking worm in my stomach. I can guess what you think. Why can't you sleep? Something on your mind?
You called to ask me to clean your room?
In your eyes, am I just the kind of person who had sex and asked you to finish?? Have your manners been eaten by snakes???
Since it's not the first time you've done this, and the last time you called me, you rushed through my window (and didn't pay for the broken French window), I can guess that it's definitely not good for you to calling.
Ha, ha. It's not funny, ungrateful little hag. Believe it or not, it's really nothing wrong with my call this time, but you-your voice is wrong. What's wrong with you?
Lute paused again. She don't know why, but she felt Adam's voice slightly changed. She is not familiar with it.
I don't know what you mean. Lute asked calmly, but the wet fishy smell lingering at the tip of her nose gradually became thicker, which puzzled her.
I'm not kidding you, Lute. You do sound worried. What's wrong with you?
Adam's voice came from the mobile phone. It seemed that even though there was a storm outside the window, it didn't affect him. The voice was so clear, but his face became blurred and split in her mind, just like a layer of water mist was covered on the crack.
Adam described in the book is gentle and determined. The heavenly father took out his ribs to make Eve, and the creature of that bone accepted the undeserved favor and was punished. In the end, he was expelled as a degenerate because of the same crime as Eve. Love makes people have a soft spot, so it is not a good thing to commit folly and have a mortal heart completely.
And her boss?
It seems that he has never been in a long-term relationship with any angel, perhaps because of the first two failed marriages? She doesn't know that.He has been such a prodigal son before she became a member of the exorcist angel. He is freewheeling, wild, passionate about rock and roll, and lingers among flowers. He has had many bed companions, but she has never seen one who can stay.
He has never been soft, his heart is as decisive as means, and love is like a curse.
He is never gentle.
..... Or is this just what she sees?
What was Adam like in the beginning?
The rain suddenly amplified in her ear, and Lute was suddenly familiar with the scene-yes, she remembered it.
The last time it rained so hard-she didn't get home until about midnight, probably about the same as now. But the difference is that she dragged Adam back with her because he went to the bar to pick up girls and then got drunk, which is nothing new to her. She is always after-sales for him and is used to it.
Her unreliable boss insulted all the people who provoked him, and asked her if they were all hateful. What can Lute say about this? She can only echo it and ask him to lie down on the sofa, sober up and then change his soaked clothes.
That night, after arranging this difficult grandfather, she went to the window to see the rain, just like now. Then, to her surprise, Adam suddenly appeared behind her. He put one hand on her shoulder, bent down, put his chin on her other shoulder and asked her what she was looking at.
Adam's voice is very heavy, different from before, very different. This made Lute feel short of breath, as if she were clamped by an eagle's claw on her shoulder. At that time, she had nothing to say and even dared not look back. Adam is so tall that he can almost cover her completely, which makes her feel dangerous-yes, dangerous.
The hair stands on end and the muscles are tense, just like being grabbed by the back of the neck by a wild animal. This fear has no origin, almost animal fear, but it is obvious that he is her boss and she knows that he will not hurt her?
Lute looked down at the shadow they cast on the floor. The dark shadow, like ink, solidified at their feet, and his own shadow had been completely swallowed up by the other side. The only thing that could be recognized was the outline of the corner of Adam's hood.
What am I afraid of?
She resisted the urge to push him away and said, "It's just rain, sir."
"Then why are you afraid?"
Lute felt his heart skip a beat. "... what?" "Are you afraid of me. Why? " His voice is so certain that if Lute can still smell the strong smell of alcohol on him, she will think that he is not drunk at all.
"I'm not, sir. You're my boss. I'll never be afraid of you. It's not ..." "Shh." Adam's hand suddenly closed her mouth, and he didn't use force, but covered her lips with his fingers-this made Lute choke to death in his throat.
"It's so fake, lu. Your pulse is obviously accelerated. Your lying skills are as bad as those of a three-year-old who tried to cheat his parents after stealing candy." He said, almost to her ear. Lute could hear his dumb laughter. He drank too much wine. "You're drunk, sir."
"Really?" He gently rubbed the lips of the young adjutant, and his laughter became more obvious. He didn't mean to move his hand. "I don't think so."
"Drunk people never realize that they are drunk," Lute said quietly. "It's time for you to have a rest." "No-no, little tits. You are still, still afraid. If I am really drunk, then what are you afraid of? " She tried to ignore Adam's hand, the hand that stopped at her waist from the beginning-now he turned to squeeze her hand, and his fingers shook hands intimately and lingering, slightly out of line.
"I am not afraid of you, sir."
Lute tried not to let that fear turn into a figurative trembling.
"Then what are you afraid of?"
She doesn't know, she feels suffocated, she can't speak, she is dumb.
The hand stroking her lower lip slowly slipped to the lower jaw and gently pulled her face. Lute only looked up.
“Lute、Lute、lu.”
She saw him reaching out to take off his hood, with black hair and golden--
--“Is there anything you want to ask me?”
A loud thunder exploded in her ear. Lute suddenly woke up from the old memories, and her mobile phone fell heavily on the floor. She gasped, gasping like a drowning person, and trembled in horror.
The rainstorm outside the window never stops, as if it would never stop. Lute heard the heavy bell in the rainstorm, which made her feel the freezing cold in the warm and humid night, and the cold eyes of the Father stared at her indifferently. Has Sunday arrived yet?
She squatted down to pick up her mobile phone that had fallen to the ground. The screen of the mobile phone had already dimmed, and the mottled light and shadow outside the window reflected Lute's tired face. As a soldier, she had never been so tired.
As for what happened after that night ... It doesn't matter, maybe it's just that she had a dream, maybe. She has no energy to think about anything, she just wants to have a good rest.
Lute trudged back to the bed, quiet and silent. The voice control light didn't light up from beginning to end.
3.
"Their love is vile and blasphemous." Lute stared at Vaggie below, tangled, silent and silent. Given that her hellprincess girlfriend doesn't know her "little secret" yet, her reaction is normal. Lute laughed at this old friend in his heart.
Love makes you weak, doesn't it? Love is so heavy.
She finally went to see the film. There is no special reason, just because-boring.
Lute paddled her cell phone while waiting for the movie to start. She was drinking soda, her eyes were wandering, and the content on the screen was nothing more than a chat with her annoying chief.
「Lute, that woman took my clothes away when she left. Damn it, I just accidentally tore her clothes. Can't she ask her friends to take my clothes to her? ? Come to the hotel and send me a clothes! 」
「Ok, I'm on my way. 」
「Oh, and bring me a drink, you know my taste don't buy the wrong. 」
「Of course, sir.」
Her conversation with Adam is basically like this every time. Adam makes a request and she is responsible for responding. It is simple, efficient and formulaic, and there is nothing else. A new message pop-up window appeared on the screen, and Lute paused before clicking on the short message. That doesn't belong to her boss, but to another person.
「Miss Lute, is it convenient to pick up your order tonight? 」
「Sure.」She replied, and then looked up.
Adam is standing in front of her.
Don't be so surprised, Lute. Don't act like I'm naked in front of you. Adam reached out and pinched her chin, and took her shoulder with no sense of distance.
Of course I'm surprised... sir, what are you doing here?
Watching a movie? Does it need to be said ? Don't be so dull and confused-will you be unhappy to see me?
The expression on the mask's face was exaggerated. He shook her shoulder and did not restrain his strength, which made Lute feel that his bones were pinched.
Of course not, sir. The movie is on. I have to go in.
Yeah, we should get in.
Adam walked into the cinema before her, while Lute handed his ticket to the ticket inspector, feeling a little heavy for the first time. She doesn't really want to see it, which feels bad.
She doesn't like coming to the cinema, but she doesn't hate it.
Lute tried to focus his eyes on the picture, so as to completely ignore the people around him. The screen was so bright, the shadows around her and the darkness was so thick.
In the past, she would be happy to accompany her chief executive to the movies. Since Adam invited her, she naturally didn't have to refuse, even if he was really noisy-even if it would seriously interfere with her viewing, Lute never cared. She listens, and as a qualified adjutant, of course, she listens to the chief executive all the time.
But somehow, Adam is so quiet today. It seems that someone pulled his mouth and made him silent.
The characters on the screen are so vivid, singing the drama about love. It was originally a sad drama, but Lute only felt restless, as if there was a fire under her feet, which scorched her heart, which made her feel uncomfortable.
She regretted it. She didn't like watching it-she hated romantic movies.
Love, stupid, makes people weak. Extreme love can drive people crazy. This kind of thing is not a case. She has seen many things. It is so sad that human beings praise love and praise it as if it were a kind of spirit.
The man on the screen knelt in front of the priest and asked, After her death, I remembered many things, many trivial things that I had done with her before. I live, make friends, eat and write as usual. The world has never changed, but I can see her shadow every step of the way. Why? Isn't death the end?
She heard the priest answer him: death is the end of life, my child, but love is not. It's like a tape. At the end, someone needs to turn it over and play it again from the end to the front, which is painful.
If you want to admit love, then you have to accept that the promised land will sink one day, and the flood will drown the fig tree. You need to look directly at the never-ending pain in your bones, and you need to face it directly. Only by holding the pot of fire with your own hands and letting the flames burn through that wound, you will not be in pain forever.
Lute felt a twinge of nausea, and a deep desire to vomit gradually went up her throat, reaching under her dead tongue. There was cold sweat running down her forehead, and Lute didn't want to see anything in the picture again, so she had to hang her head, and the shadow of her wings fell on the ground, twisted into a ghost wrapped around her.
Why is this happening? Should I change something for her death? I just want to go back to the way it was. Please, father, give me an answer. The man's voice is in tears. Is he praying to the priest, or to their farther and greater father?
She didn't hear the priest's answer, and she couldn't get an answer.
Say something, sir. Say something to break the environment, please, just say something. Lute prayed in her heart. It was the first time that she was so eager to hear Adam's voice, hoping that he could say something, even a few words casually. But no, that glib mouth kept silent all the time. Silence was like the end of the world, and rainstorm was a harbinger of the flood.
There was a hand, like a trap-like hand-gently resting on her left shoulder, and so was the morning after that rainy night-that is, the morning after Adam was drunk, he came over and put a hand on her shoulder gently, with a hesitant tone. Did something happen last night? I was so drunk, Lute, do you remember?
What did she answer at that time? Lute doesn't want to remember, but she can't. The burning pain is like a little wildfire. She smells wet and bitter in the fire.
Nothing happened, sir.Lute said quietly.
Really? Are you sure? Do you swear to the GOD?
Lute paused.
Yes, sir. There's nothing. As always.
This is her answer.
At that time, Lute didn't look at Adam's expression. She lowered her head, just like now. At that time, Adam's hand stopped on her shoulder for a long time before taking it back, as if to test the truth of her words, or was he waiting for her to speak? No, no, NO.
The hand on the shoulder is getting harder and harder, as if it were going to crush her bones, and the trap bit her flesh a little, which made Lute start to tremble uncontrollably. She didn't look up-she didn't dare, and she didn't dare now. She was like a child with a candy can, afraid of being discovered by her parents. She knows what she will see when she looks up now: that mask face that can make rich expressions is eternal and will never change.
I just don't understand! I just want an answer! Just an answer, won't you give it to me, father! You brought me all the changes, why don't you tell me the answer! Why are you so selfish! A roaring sound.
Lute felt dizzy in front of her eyes, so she had to open her mouth and gasp. Her arm was almost broken with pain, and distant cries rang in her ears. The answer is always in front of you, but you don't want to open your eyes and look directly at the source of pain!
That night-that drunken night-no, after that! That morning! Before Adam let go of his hand, he said something else, and you clearly heard him! What did he say!
「"Lute." Adam's voice is very light, almost in harmony with the wind outside the window.
"What would you do if I said I wanted to kiss you?" 」
The young adjutant gasped, as if swallowing a mouthful of rain, and the cold astringency almost made her vomit. She finally turned to look at the seat on her left-Adam put his hands on his knees and stared at her with golden eyes. No hood.
The human eyes stopped on her, gentle.
Why?
Why are you looking at me like that?
What the fuck does that mean? ! !
Lute felt a fishy smell from her throat to her nasal cavity, as if unwarranted vomit was pouring down from her nasolacrimal duct, and the cold adjutant-no, the chief finally shed tears. She was naturally cold and transparent, and it was difficult to observe her feelings. She was decisive in killing demons and executing her companions, and she also seemed to have a natural disability for love.
In fact, she always knew what Adam wanted to say, but she chose to bow her head. Of course, she also knew that Adam was not completely drunk that night. He is serious.
Lute bent down in pain and curled up like a disabled baby. Her tears fell into the darkness in front of her and were drowned in the dim light and shadow. The position on the left hand side is empty, just like the sleeve of her left arm.
She read so many books, one, five, ten, thirty, and she tried to find any clues similar to him from human books and give her an answer about that look. He just, he didn't, didn't like it, it wasn't love, we were always just superiors and subordinates, and I didn't overstep the rules. I don't know. It's not in the book. I can't read it clearly. I don't understand.
I can't understand what he's trying to say-I don't know, I'm sick. This is a dead end, I can't turn back, the road has collapsed when I came, but I can't go forward-there is no road forward, he is in front, and going forward is his death, his destruction, and his death from me. I can't, I can't watch any more, I'm afraid to see my own death, like a moth to a fire. But I have no choice, I have no chance to turn back, I have no reason to stop, I have to go, I have to go. Go to his end, cross his back, his death, so that everything I do is valuable. He confessed his death to me, but it was too heavy. All this was too heavy, and I didn't know how to hold it. I'm afraid to see it. I'm afraid to see it.
“sir? sir! ! stay with me sir!!” Lute roared, the pain of tearing her arm was not enough to stop her, and she clung to his arm with the remaining right hand, as if grasping at the last straw.
Then, then. She expected him to say something-anything, laughing at the expression on her face, calling her too weak to come here now, no matter what, just say something!
But Adam didn't say anything. He just smiled. Golden eyes fell on her quietly, almost relaxed.
Golden blood overflowed from his clothes, wetting his equally golden and broad wings, like a winding golden river.
"--In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." ⁽³⁾
The late flood put out the flame on her body, and Lute could finally vomit the fruit that choked her to death. At the moment Adam died, she couldn't see anything flowing in him again. Love stopped at his last glance. He didn't get up.
She finally admitted that loving this face is tantamount to death, which means being alone. She finally came back to life.
⁽¹⁾:Genesis of the Bible 3:14-3:19.
⁽²⁾:The flood in Noah's Ark story. It rained heavily for forty days and nights.
⁽³⁾:Genesis of the Bible 3:19.