Work Text:
Pronunciation:
*Nogla and Terroriser are hosting a party*
Nogla: Hey, do ye want a quickie?
Terroriser: I-WHAT?!
Nogla: A quickie! Ye know, the little eggy cake things!
Terroriser:
Terroriser: ITS PRONOUNCED QUICHE, DAITHI! GOD, HOW MANY FECKING PEOPLE HAVE YOU OFFERED ONE TO!?!
Slang Terms:
Scotty: Hey Brock, did you know that ‘thot’ means you’re calling someone a “thoughtful person”?
Moo: Really? I didn’t know that, thanks!
*later*
Moo: Thank you for helping me hook up my X-Box, Anthony. You’re such a thot!
Panda: *wheezing* I’m a WHAT?!
Ship:
Moo: Brian, what’s a ship?
Terroriser: A ship is a big boat, like the Titanic. Don’t ye already know what one is?
Moo: I DO know. But, why would people want us to be in a boat?
Vanoss: *laughing in the corner*
Moo: People say that they ship us. I don’t really know what they mean. I don’t get it.
Vanoss: *Rolls about on the floor laughing loudly*
Terroriser: *blushing hard* EVAN THIS ISN’T FUNNY!!
Moo, looking at Terroriser: Brian, do you know? Can you please tell me what it means?
Terroriser: *Blushes harder, robotic side malfunctioning* I-I-I don’t-
Terroriser: *Faints from anxiety*
Moo, concerned: Is he alright?
Evan, picking himself off the floor, still laughing: Brock, he’s fucking embarrassed. When people are shipping you two together, it means they think you two should be a couple, and possibly fuck!
Moo:
Moo: WHAT!?!
Trees:
*Tyler and Marcel having a conversation under a tree*
Smii7y suddenly appearing upside down on a branch: If there are trees, then you aren’t alone.
Tyler, looking up at Smii7y: ...I can’t tell if this is supposed to be encouragement or an ominous warning.
Smii7y, shrugging: That’s entirely up to the trees.
*Smii7y disappears*
Marcel, looking at the tree: I don’t feel safe now. Can we go back to yours?
Coffee:
Brock: Brian, are you okay? You don’t look well.
Brian, shaking from drinking a whole pot of coffee: I cAn sMeLl CoLoUrS!!!
Brock: Oookay, you’re cut off from coffee for the rest of the day.
*Takes coffee pot away*
Brian: NOOOO-
Evil Bean:
Moo: I am such an evil person.
Also Moo: *Proceeds to blep and giggle*
Terroriser, passing by: Brocky, you’re anything but evil. You’re as pure and sugary as fairy-floss.
Moo: *Blushes* I am NOT!
Morse Code:
Scotty: *Taps table*
Marcel: *Taps back*
Tyler, watching them: What the hell are they doing?
Brian, also watching them: Morse code. Evan taught them, and now they’re only talking to each other like this.
Marcel: *Aggressively taps table*
Scotty: *Slaps hands down on table angrily* YOU TAKE THAT BACK BITCH!
Brian: …Nevermind.
Compliments:
Brian: You’re really cute when you’re nice Brocky.
Brock, blushing: O-Oh, thank you! But, what am I then when I’m not nice?
Brian, pinning Brock to a wall: Hot as fuck~
Brock, blushing harder: Ah~
Good Morning:
*Tyler spends the night at Daithi’s house*
Tyler: NOGLA WHAT THE FUCK?!
Daithi, yelling from his bedroom: OH, SO ONLY ROOSTERS ARE ALLOWED TA START THEIR DAY OFF WITH SCREAMIN’?!?!
Tyler, screaming back: YES YOU DUMB FUCK! IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING! YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING GET UP AT THIS TIME!!!
Happy Brock:
Brock: Brian, you’re back!!! :D !!!! 💖💖💞🌟⭐️✨🌟⭐️✨💖💖💖
Brian, starts crying: How the fuck did you say that with your mouth?!
Brock: Say what?! :P ;) ✨🌟✨
Brian, now terrified: WAIT, HOW TH-
Tyler, walking in: Hey guys-
Brock: Tyler! :O :D 😄😍🤪!!!
Tyler, recoiling: JESUS FUCK-
Demons:
Delirious: We all have our demons.
Delirious, grabbing Cartoonz: This one’s mine, back off!!!
Cartoonz, having no idea what’s happening: *Chews cookie and nods his head*
Marshmallows:
*At Nogla’s Birthday Party*
Nogla: Hey, do ye guys think that I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Tyler: Your dumb ass is a hazard to society.
Marcel: And a coward, do twenty.
Internet Browser:
Scotty: My brain is like my internet browser. I’ve got like 19 tabs open, three of them are glitching and WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM?!?!
Pretty Boy:
*Tyler and Brian arguing*
Tyler: Listen here pretty boy-
Brian: Why is ‘pretty boy’ considered an insult?
Tyler: ...I-It’s-
Brian: Call me pretty boy again, I dare you.
Tyler:
Brian: I want to be the prettiest boy you’ve ever seen!
Cows:
Brian, scrolling on his phone: Brock, did you hear about this cow in Tennessee?
Brock: Brian! You can’t just say things like that!
Brian: *looks up in confusion* W-What?
Brock, smiling innocently: Tyler is a very nice person!
Brian: *Piggyrizer snorts*
Goals:
Delirious: Vanoss, what are some of your goals in life?
Vanoss: I have been banned from every major city’s public transportation system except London. I don’t know what their limit is, but I will FUCKING FIND IT.
How the crew would react to having coffee:
Evan: The coffee gives him an appropriate amount of energy, and he gets lots of work done. Only has one cup of coffee a day.
Brian: Gets energetic, but not completely out of it. Each burst lasts about two hours, so Bri has 5 or so coffees a day
Brock: Surprisingly, he gets completely wrecked from coffee. Gets overly anxious and jittery. Sticks close to people (*coughcough* Brian *cough*) and becomes an affectionate mess.
Tyler: Drinks two coffees a day, one in the morning and one after lunch for the afternoon. If having a hard day, he puts small amounts of alcohol in them. Makes him more awake and focused.
Nogla: When drinking coffee, he gets super excited, and speaks faster than normal, messing up words several times (More than usual). Drinks coffee every few days.
Scotty: Drinks coffee at lunchtime when having a quiet day, then before bed every night. Makes him feel relaxed and a little bit drowsy. (Don’t know why COFFEE makes him tired, but ok)
Marcel: Doesn’t really drink coffee. Has it if offered one. Makes him a bit more awake, but doesn’t really affect him.
Smii7y: Addicted to any drink containing coffee. Always drinking it, so that’s why he’s always full of zeal. Doesn’t lose control though, it just quickens his reactions and comebacks.
Delirious: Had coffee once. Hated the bitter flavour and he felt like he was going to throw up afterwards. Has never had it again, and instead drinks frothy hot chocolate, chai lattes and other hot milky drinks.
Cartoonz: Drinks coffee regularly. Has two or three a day. Likes the taste, but especially likes bitter and freshly brewed coffee.
Heels:
Brock: *Exploring the world in 7 inch heels like a baby deer*
Brian, wearing 9 inch heels: Not easy, is it?
Brock: I might actually have some more respect for you.
Brian: Hey I respect you too. Daithi broke one ankle and sprained the other by this time when he tried to walk in them, the fecking eejit-
Crush:
Vanoss, head on the table: Alright, no more talking about your fucking crush on Brock.
Brian, annoyed: You told me to get it out of my system!
Vanoss, yelling: I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH WAS IN YOUR SYSTEM! IT’S BEEN TWO FUCKING HOURS!
Muggy Weather:
Brian, looking out the window: Oh just so you know Brocky, it’s pretty muggy outside today
Brock:
Brock: *sees the sky outside and sighs deeply*
Brock: Brian I swear, if I go look outside and all of our mugs are on the lawn…
Brian:
Brian: *Walks away sipping coffee from a bowl*
Brock: BRIAN!
Brian: *sprints*
Little Bit Angry:
*After Scotty gets sniped from a helicopter in Modern Warfare*
Marcel: Scott, what are you doing?
Scotty, looking out of his window: Maybe, if I stand here long enough, a FUCK will fall from the SKY, and then I can give it to you. But oh, hey, look, THE SKY AIN’T GIVING NOTHING!
Marcel, concerned: I-
Scotty: LOOK. THERE’S NOTHING.
Marcel:
Scotty: NO FUCKS, ANYWHERE TO GIVE!!!
Really?
Nogla: Hey Smii7y, are ye straight?
Smii7y: *Chokes on energy drink*
Smii7y, deadpan : Don’t ever fucking insult me like that again Daithi. That is beneath you.
Shenanigans:
*Everyone but Brock and Evan is looking for Brian*
Brian, in a vent above the room they’re in: Brock it’s me, the devil!
Brock: *wheezes*
Vanoss: *Trying hard not to laugh*
Brian: I’m here to convince you to do SIN. Come with me. Steal candy from babies and small businesses and look at men in unnatural ways!
Brock: *WHEEZE*
Eye Candy:
*The crew trying to take down a rival gang*
Brian: What th- what is this, a spy movie? Ye want me to infiltrate by dressing up, shifting into a femme fatale and being some eye candy?!
Vanoss: I hate it as much as you do, but it’s the best option we have.
Tyler: I disagree with this.
Brock: Me too! This feels nasty, I don’t want my boyfriend getting hurt if this goes wrong.
Brian: *sighs* Fine, I’ll do it. God gave me these man-tits for a reason, might as well use them for somethin’.
Tyler: PFFT- no no no don’t be funny, this is a bad situation.
Colonised:
*The squad after collabing with a bunch of British YouTubers*
Scotty, an American: Fuckin’ git, he’s off his rocker that one.
The rest of BBS: …
Scotty: *dramatically slaps a hand over his mouth*
Brian: *cackling* Was that genuine?!
Scotty, horrified: AH, I’ve been conditioned! I’ve been colonised!
Tyler: COLONI-*WHEEZE*
Life Motto:
Brock: Hey Bri, what’s your life motto?
Brian: Hmmm, less a motto, more a general idea. But I run through life with four things in mind.
Brian: Fuck shit up, get shit done, get some glory, and hope for good dick in between.
Basically: *spit take*
Brock: BRIAN-
Nogla: *squawks*
Tyler: *WHEEZE*
Vanoss: …that’s a pretty good motto!
Brian: Thank you!
What The-
*The squad in a discord call*
Nogla: Look, we need ta fuckin’ choose what game to play next, it’s been like an hou- *freezes when there’s a sudden sound in the background*
Brock: Uh, Nogla? You have guests?
Nogla, reaching around and grabbing a music stand: No… Excuse me for a second lads.
*Nogla leaves out of sight of his camera*
Scotty: I’m sure it’s either Joe or Tony.
Panda: Yup. That was definitely a Joe.
Tyler: Off topic here- But has anyone else noticed that Brian hasn’t been in view of his camera for the past thirty minutes?
Nogla, off screen: JESUS FOCKING CHRIST BRIAN!
Brian, faintly: I was out of bagels man!
Nogla: THEN GO TO THE FOCKING STORE YE FOCKIN GOBSHITE!!!
*Everyone starts losing their shit*
Brock, grinning: God I love that man.
Stuck:
Brian, barely holding in laughter: …You know what joke I could make, right?
Brock, stuck in the washing machine: Don’t. You. Dare.
Thirsty:
Marcel: Hmm, I’m thirsty.
Scotty: Well I got my water bottle here.
Scotty: And I got my dick.
Scotty: Don’t know what kinda thirsty you are, but I have both as an option.
Accidents:
Brock: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Brock: What on Earth did you do?!
Brian, hanging upside down by his foot by a rope: …Nobody died Brocky.
Brock: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Regrets:
Tyler: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box
Brock, smirking: Is this because Daithi said ‘I love you’ and you said ‘Thanks’?
Tyler, blushing: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL-
Apologies…or Not?
*After Scotty and Tyler have an argument*
Tyler, pinching his nose: Look, let’s just agree to both say we’re sorry, on the count of three.
Tyler: One…two…three.
Scotty:
Tyler:
Tyler, sighing: See, now I’m just disappointed in both of us.
Scotty: I’m not apologising for you being a bitch-
Tyler: I’M BEING A BITCH?! YOU LITERALLY-
Brock, putting his head in his hands: Oh my gosh…
Begging:
*Brian and Brock bantering over the table during a dinner with the Squad*
Brian: I beg to differ-!
Brock, done with his shit: Oh my go-you can’t even beg normally, shut up!
Daithi: *Chokes on his drink*
Marcel, coming back from the kitchen: :O
Protective:
Brock, angry at a guy who tried to kick a dog: FIGHT ME.
Brian, standing behind him with bionic eye glowing: *Mouths* Do not.