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“Daniel, do not walk away from me!” Armand demanded as he followed Daniel to his bedroom, catching the door before it could be slammed in his face. Again.
Daniel turned on him, his eyes burning with anger, and pointed his finger at Armand, spitting at him between gritted teeth.
“I said to leave me the hell alone, Armand,” Daniel said. “I am not having this conversation with you. I am not some junkie you can manipulate into loving you,”
Armand’s eyes widened.
“How dare you?” He hissed. “How dare you speak about our life together in that way? What you and I shared was not only real, Daniel, but it was beyond anything you could hope to experience in your pathetic mortal life!”
Daniel laughed. A sharp bark echoed through the room.
“Sure it was,” Daniel scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It was true love, right? That’s what you and I had, huh? If that is true, then why the hell did you leave me? Why did you let me go? Why?”
“Is that what all this resistance is about? Daniel, how many times must I tell you, I let you go because I love you and you needed to live a life apart from me,” Armand said, his voice straining. “I did not want to, but it was what needed to be done, but not anymore,”
“Not now I’m dying?” Daniel snapped.
They stood in silence. A heavy, cold silence.
Armand turned away from him, wrapping himself in his arms, and pulled his plump bottom lip between his teeth. He shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed, before looking at Daniel again, his eyes hollow.
“Don’t,” He said softly.
Daniel didn’t listen.
“Why not? It’s the truth,” Daniel said, unable to stop himself. Unsure if he wanted to. “I am dying, Armand, and it will seem a lot faster to you than it does to me. You’ll have to watch as I lose function over my mind and my body, and then you will have to watch as they bury me. Then what are you going to do, huh? You say you can’t be alone again, but that’s what is going to happen. I’ll die. You’ll be alone,”
Armand’s body began to shake, red tears filling his eyes, as he dropped his arms back to his side. His lips trembled as he spoke.
“I know that, Daniel,” He said. “I know that in the end, I will lose you again, and I hate it, but I would rather have you and lose you than not have you again. I love you. I always have. I will give you the world, I will burn it all down if that’s what you want, so long as you will stand by my side. You – You are the reason I was meant to live this long,”
“You’re insane,”
“Maybe,” Armand said as he stepped closer to Daniel. He held out his hand and gently took Daniel’s into his own. “Maybe I am, but I don’t care. Every shred of my insanity brought me here today, brought me to you, and I will never regret that,” He lifted Daniel’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “Stay with me, Daniel. Stay with me. Love me again, and I will be yours, your servant and minion,”
Daniel shook his head again. He gripped his hair, tugging harshly at it until the already dishevelled curls were messier than before. He slumped down on the edge of the bed and stared up at Armand, leaning forward on his knees and looking into his eyes.
“What if that’s not what I want?”
“What?” Armand asked, his voice quiet.
“Our whole Master-Servant bullshit,” Daniel scoffed. “It didn’t work before. Why would it work now? I don’t want to be a possession, Armand, and I don’t want to own you either,”
“Is that why you deny me?” Armand said as he knelt on the ground in front of Daniel, taking his hands into his own and holding them tightly. “Deny us?”
Daniel sighed. He suddenly felt exhausted, emotionally and physically, but he pushed forward. He kept going.
“I am tired, Armand,” He admitted. “I can’t spend the rest of my life fighting with you. I can’t be your boy again because I don’t have the energy to put up with it. You’re right. I want you, I care about you, but I can’t be what I was before, and I don’t know if you can accept that,”
“But I can,” Armand insisted.
“Don’t just say that if you don’t –,”
“I can, Daniel, I can!” Armand said, gripping Daniel’s hands tightly and holding them close to his chest, close to his heart. “I don’t need things the way they were. The past is the past. Let it lie there,” He said. “I just want to be with you again, my love, in any way you will have me: a lover, a friend, a nurse. I don’t care. Just let me love you, care for you, adore you as I always have,” He kissed Daniel’s hands. “Please don’t send me away.”
Daniel’s hands trembled in Armand’s. His words echoed through Daniel’s mind, his body aching to lean into Armand’s, and for them to be again. It was ironic that Armand spoke about the past like he would brush it aside when all Daniel could remember was how similar it was to before.