Work Text:
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This (edited) visitation from an insomniac Goblin King I wrote as part of a round robin challenge... back in 1999.
A bit of explanation before proceeding:
It became canon among us Listians of the Labyrinth Fanfiction List that Jareth might, or might not, be stuffing his tights with rolled-up socks.
It IS canon in the Labyrinth and Goblin books of Brian Froud and Terry Jones that there are Racing Goblins, and the authors tell us that male Racing Goblins have detachable… parts.
As in reproductive parts.
These goblin parts 'n packages are left in tied-off pouches all over the Labyrinth and often under benches. Somehow during a long-ago Peach War on the List, I became caretaker for a number of these things…and discovered they chirp to communicate. These free-ranging packages and pouchlings played starring roles in two collaborations, ‘The Package’ and the ‘The Package Two: A Piece of the Action”, and sometimes appeared in works by other Listians.
NOW, Dear Reader: Shall we begin?
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‘Goodnight, Sweet King’
Original publishing Date:
31 May 1999
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"MOMMMMM!!!!! MOMMEEEEEEE!!!!
CHIRP-CHIRP-CHEEP-CHIRP-CHIRP-CHIRP!!!!!
Rebecca dropped her toothbrush irretrievably down the drain of the bathroom sink as shrieking package after little Racing Goblin package rolled out from under her clawfoot tub to bounce into the guest room.
"SHIT!!! What The BLOODY Hell Is Going On!!!!" she stamped in frustration, turning off the sink tap before the plugged line caused the sink to overflow. Fortunately the kids couldn't hear her cursing above their happy shouts and the Racing Goblins' racket. She rushed out the bathroom door into the kitchen.
"SURPRISE!" Jareth called out, a little girl on each hip, packages twittering wildly and bouncing around his feet in a splash of glitter.
"Hoo-boy," Rebecca sighed, pulling her robe around her and knotting the sash as Jareth politely averted his eyes. She laughed a little -- she supposed looking at her middle-age body would be as much of a turn-on for the King as viewing his own mother. The idea put a grin on her face.
"Welcome, Your Majesty..." she smoothed her hair "and yes, I'd say this IS a surprise. You must want something --it's not like we parted on the best of terms last time with the kids giving you chicken pox."
"Oh, That. All is forgiven, Old One, I've healed up quite nicely from my bout with the pox. But, uh," he shot her a worried look -- "The girls don't have anything else I should be aware of, like, pinworms, headlice........?" he gazed at her under raised brows.
"WHAT? *MY* kids? Why would-!.... well, No!"
"Ah. Good. You'd be surprised at the number of children, even those from very good families, that I've had to divest of little livestock before they could join my goblins. Now! Move along loves, find your favorite story books to look at and then go get comfy on the couch," he gently put down Kylie and Cami. "Your mummie is going to tell us all a bedtime story!!!"
“YAY!!!!”
CHIRP-CHIRP-CHIRP!!!
"Excuse me, I'm going to do what????" Rebecca had to raise her voice a bit to be heard above squeals and running feet. And bouncing pouches.
"You, lucky girl, are going to tell us a bedtime story of your *own* creation!" Jareth beamed.
"First we talk about a few things." she glared back.
Jareth's smile faded a bit. "Whatever do you mean?"
"First, Your Tightness. What was the deal last month with materializing my own free goblin into the engine of our car? It stunk all the way around -- especially for the goblin."
"Well..." Jareth pulled at his chin a bit. "I got a little .....distracted by an unfinished fanfic I found on your hard drive. It was rather racy for a Labyrinth story, but I was surprised the action didn't have me in it."
"Oh, don't whine. You will have plenty of 'action' once I get to those parts, and to paraphrase a silly movie, I'd think you would be exhausted from living up to everyone's expectations of you. You've been a busy boy of late in some of the fanfics. And you shouldn't go reading stuff without permission."
"I believe we've already talked about King's Privilege, my dear. I will do what I wish. But as I was saying, I got a bit distracted and was careless as a result. Also, it would help if your husband didn't drive as though he were herding chickens at high speed. You're damn lucky the goblin didn't end up behind the steering wheel. And, speaking of 'Spouse'," Jareth glanced at the empty coat rack, "where is he?"
"Off on another business trip,' she sighed. "Lucky you. Now, about the other thing, or things I'd like to discuss with you? What are you going to do about those damn Racing Goblin pouches?"
"Oh, yes, that's right. You needed them removed. How many again where there?" he raised his gloved hand slightly.
"Well, I started out with I think fifteen, but I'm down to around nine. I think the cats made off with some of them."
"Well, cats are good for something then..." the King muttered
"What?"
"Oh, nothing, old girl. But it is a pity that the pouches will have no one to go home to. Their original owners have taken up with ones that were lying around unclaimed. You see, the pouches have a tendency to outlive their original goblins, and..."
A pouch hopped back into the room, crooned a low twitter and rolled over to snuggle next to Rebecca's foot with a contented chirp. It was immediately joined by a straggler from the bathroom. Jareth grinned as they both draped themselves over her instep.
"Treating them *well*, I see?" he purred.
"You, Sir, have a dirty mind!" she hissed back. "The pouches and I have an understanding. They stay out of the way and out of the beds, and are not to pull anything unsavory on the dog. In return I feed them well and allow them under the computer table when I'm working there. I can deal with their presence as long as I don't dwell on what is actually inside those pouches. Their biggest saving grace is that they make great foot warmers in this drafty old house."
"Foot warmers? Now there's a use that doesn't come Immediately to mind!" His mismatched eyes danced in glee. "But you say you've been feeding them? What do they eat? I've never taken the time to find out."
Rebecca stared at him. "You were never curious?"
He shrugged boyishly. "A King does have better things to do with his time."
"That seems rather arrogant, Sire. I thought a king would be concerned for the welfare of his subjects." Rebecca leaned down to pat one of the creatures, which whirred pleasurably in response. "Jareth, they really like cornmeal and cracked wheat. I did a little research and discovered similar creatures mentioned in European folktales that lived on the stuff. The old wise women used to house them in large bird nests. Anyway, the feeding program seems to work for these guys -- they appear healthy and happy. But you were saying they outlive their owners?"
"Yes," Jareth examined the fit of his gloves. "There's always a surplus of them roaming around, eventually to disappear. What their fate is, I have no idea, but they do disappear unmourned and unmissed. We have far worse creatures than cats in the Labyrinth who might consider them easy prey. But if you insist on returning them to such conditions, then I will remove them....." Jareth raised his hand again.
"Um."
"Um, what, old girl?"
"Um, give me a minute, 'k? They haven't been that much of an annoyance, really, though I do think there will be trouble when the girls become of 'age', if you know what I mean. I'm afraid the little guys will turn into pests."
"Most likely."
"But my girls won't reach puberty for some years, Jareth."
"And at that point, my dear, I believe most of the pouches will not be a problem, having gone to chirp in the Great Beyond -- this group is a rather elderly bunch from the looks of them." Jareth's eyes twinkled maliciously as he reached out to tug one of Rebecca's greying locks. "I'm sure 'age' is a factor in why they feel so at home here," he smirked. "But let's get on with it."
Rebecca' pushed away an urge to rearrange the King's face and instead took a steadying breath. "Well... how about this, Jareth? You just take the ones who want to go back home -- the rest can stay here."
"Ah! That can be arranged. Boys!" he called over his shoulder "In here, please!" Some thumpings and bumpings were heard, and little pouches were soon obediently filing in to sit at -- but not on -- the King's feet.
"Alright, my lads, everyone's here? Murdoch isn't? Murdoch, come out this instant and join the others. I need to speak to you as well. Ah, there you are."
A pouch sheepishly rolled out from behind the computer desk.
"Good boy........" Jareth smiled as he knelt down one knee. "Now, here's the deal. You all have been away from home for awhile, and it's time to take you back -- unless you don't want to go. Rebecca has kindly offered to take care of those who wish to remain here. But of course, that means no-..." and Jareth made an indescribable sound.
Several of the packages visibly drooped. Jareth, nodding in sympathy, continued. "But, my friends, Rebecca assures me that none of THAT has been occurring anyway, so perhaps it's not a missed activity. It's your choice, gentlemen, as to where you will make your home."
There was some agitated twittering among the group, all of them bounding over to rest on Rebecca's feet with sharp chirps. Then several rolled away back to Jareth. Rebecca looked down at the three that quietly remained -- one of them not surprisingly the one called Murdoch.
Jareth stood. "Time to say goodbye, boys -- and tell your kind host thank you." There was a chorus of wild cheepings as the pouches disappeared into a whirl of glitter.
"Bye, guys..... good luck...." Rebecca was joined in her farewell with soft chirps at her feet. "Well, huh, ahem. I think I have something in my eye, excuse me. There, that's better…” She wiped away what looked suspiciously like a tear. “Hm-hmmm! Well now--I believe I hear some little girls who were promised a bedtime story..."
"And a King who was promised the same! Shall we?" Jareth made a gallant bow as he motioned her to the door. She walked out with the remaining pouches bouncing 'round her feet.
"A story of my own creation, huh?" Rebecca muttered as she settled into her wing chair, the pouches rolling underneath to hide. Jareth claimed the couch, the two girls treating him as part of the furniture as they thrust their favorite books into his hands. "Jareth, why don't you read something to the girls while I take a moment to think?"
"Sounds fair. Now, what's this, wee one? 'Sheep in a Jeep'? ' S'got a catchy title..... 'sheep in a jeep on a hill that's steep'. Hmmm. Let's see. 'sheep shove, sheep grunt, sheep forget to look up front. Jeep goes splash! Jeep goes thud. Jeep goes deep in -- gooey mud'? Ummm, children, let's try for something that is a little less sing-songy.... What have you got there darling? 'The King of Elfland's Daughter?' Erm, no pictures, I'm afraid. I must have pictures... Here, how about 'The Last Unicorn'? Looks like we have a winner!"
Rebecca sat back, thoughtful.... The King of Elfland's Daughter? The title reminded her of a tale she wanted to write based on the story of Quiver in Brian Froud’s ‘The Goblin Companion’, and how his exploits won him the attentions of the Lord High Goblin's daughter. Grinning evilly, she let the story take shape in her head above Jareth's musical voice......
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Deep in contemplation of the goblin custom of roasting karbobs and as it applied to the finer points of goblin cuisine, Rebecca slowly became aware of Jareth glaring peevishly at her over the edge of his storybook, two little girls snoring softly in his lap.
"Well, Old One?" the king groused. "How much longer are you going to stall? They're asleep, and for gods' sakes I'm still here wide awake, wondering when I'm going to get MY story. I'm waiting....."
"Didn't your mother ever teach you that patience was a virtue?"
"Virtues are not my strong suite. Do you have a story or not?"
Rebecca tapped a finger against her temple as she stared at nothing, then dropped her hand. "OK, Jareth, here's your story, and it's a tale of young love. It's about a loyal soldier of the Goblin Army giving up his karbobs on All Owls Night for the Goblin King's Daughter...."
"Oh, puh-leeze, you're not going to tell me that old chestnut about Quiver??? It's not even factual. For your information, Mr. Froud and Mr. Jones have got that story wrong in their little book. Quiver is a cook – ask any of your Listians-- and you're mistaken. It wasn't the King's daughter, it was the Lord High Goblin's daughter! I wanted an original story, old thing."
"Oh, you can trust me on that, Your Majesty. We're gonna talk about what happened AFTER she got those karbobs. And I'm making her YOUR daughter because I fail to see the difference between a Lord High Goblin and a Goblin King. Now Jareth; if you want to tell me you're *not* a goblin-"
"I'm a, I'm a-- well, you never mind what I am." the King interrupted. "That's privileged information. And I don't have a daughter. None that I admit to, anyway."
"Well, I suppose when one is already an eternal child, the thought of bearing children of one's own has no appeal...."
"Enough! Just give me my story already."
Rebecca chuckled softly. "Okay, here we go. As we all know, the goblin Quiver ruined the Tun of Owl Wine during the feast of All Owls Night --
"I banished All Owls Night eons ago."
"Geez, Jareth, play along. Pretend this was BEFORE you banished the holiday. Why DID you banish it anyway?"
Jareth's exasperated sigh caused both Kylie and Cami to twitch in their sleep. "Oh come, Reba, it's self-evident. The idea of goblins carefully pressing owls to make their loathsome drink was just too revolting to contemplate on a very personal level. Though I must admit, for the first few years of my reign, their winemaking skills did come in handy for ridding myself of particularly troublesome relatives." He smiled charmingly as Rebecca tried not to wince.
"Okaayyyyyyyy..." she said uneasily, "we will leave that nugget of your family history right there in the dirt and get back to my story. So, to recap: A figure in the shadows was teasing Quiver, upsetting him so much that the poor goblin accidentally shot a crossbow bolt through the barrel of Owl Wine, causing a fine mist of the nasty stuff to rain down on the bonfire where the rest of the goblins were roasting their carefully harvested karbobs. The bonfire smoldered to a stop along with the karbob roast. You, the figure in the shadows, were laughing hysterically at all the commotion and upset you caused your minions. Little did you know what would happen next because of your actions."
"Oh spare me. Not a story of consequences and retributions."
"Hey, look at how popular the stories in the Brothers Grimm are. Lots of consequences and retributions going on in that book, so hush up. Now, Quiver was so embarrassed about his ruining the karbob roast, that he harvested his own karbobs and cooked them himself to give to the Goblin King's daughter so that she would not go without --"
"Rhonda, have you ever eaten a karbob?"
"No. Would I want to?"
"Most definitely not. Neither would any daughter of mine -- if I had a daughter, that is."
"In this story the daughter that you never had ate them. She ate them – because she thought Quiver was so sweet to think of her welfare, and for a goblin he was kind of cute -- Jareth, quit making that face. AS I was saying, Lute thought-"
"LUTE? THAT'S my daughter's name in this story? Doesn't sound very original."
"It's a perfectly good name! As I was saying, Lute was sweet sixteen and you made sure she had no contact with creatures other than those in the Labyrinth, so it was to be expected that she'd bond with something a bit unorthodox like cute little Quiver...."
"Quiver, I assure you, is anything but cute."
"Shh. She bonded with cute little Quiver. After all, her mother had made some unusual choices in men..."
"Well, her mother did involve herself with me, so I suppose that's true – would be true. And out of curiosity, just what fair maid did you have me procreate with??? Oh, let me guess. It would just have to be S-"
"Of course Sarah, your lordship. But-"
"Oh gods, not another 'Jareth loves Sar-"
"Shut up and listen. Anyway, a few years after Lute's birth, Sarah left you and Lute to be with her own True Love. Hoggle."
"HOG--HOGGLE???????? THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!"
"Jareth, QUIET or you will wake the kids! YES!!! Sarah left you and Lute to be with Hoggle. When Lute told you of her intentions toward Quiver, you immediately went to ask Sarah if she could talk Lute out of her infatuation, and it went something like this, so buckle up, settle down, and DON'T interrupt." She glanced meaningfully at the King on her couch.
"I reserve the right to comment as I see fit." he said primly.
"Do it too many times, your lordship, and I will send you on your way. Let's begin."
"Are you sur-"
"SHHHHHH! Now then." And Rebecca began to talk.
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'Hoggle was a happy man. He basked in the glow of his family's love as he sat there whittling on the porch, an ear cocked in the direction of the two older children's glad shouts, the other ear drinking in the gurgles of the newest baby as Sarah settled into the rocker to feed him. He reached over and gave Sarah's knee a fond squeeze. She responded with a kiss, and then leaned forward to whisper intriguing possibilities for later in his ear....
("Keep this up and I swear I will vomit." Jareth growled.)
("Shh." Rebecca glared back. "I have to set the mood, you. And stop rolling your eyes.")
Hoggle went back to his whittling, blessing again the day that the Fates brought Sarah to his door and soon after into his bed....
("Urrrrrp! Oh, false alarm, Rhoda....")
("Knock it off, Jareth! And it's REBECCA.")
("Really? Truly sorry, um,--")
("REBECCA.")
("Quite right. Please continue." Jareth settled into the couch, arms resting on two sleeping kids.)
Hoggle went back to his whittling, thinking of the day that Ludo had brought Sarah to his door--"
("I thought it was the Fates--")
("DAMMIT!!!!! SHUT UP OR LEAVE!")
("Mmm. Alright. I'll... try to be quiet. I have to hear how this tale plays out. It's sort of engrossing, like viewing a traffic accident....")
("Arrogant son of a bitc-" Rebecca muttered under her breath....)
("What???")
HOGGLE went back to his whittling, thinking of the day that Sarah had come to him seeking a friend. She'd had her fill of Jareth's infidelities. She would have brought her little girl Lute along, but she explained that Jareth would have turned the Underground upside down looking for them. It hurt her to do it, but she gave Lute a crystal that would allow her to talk to her mother whenever she needed to, and then Sarah left quietly. With Ludo's help Sarah made it as far as Hoggle's little farm on the outskirts of the Goblin Kingdom. There she stayed some weeks, planning on where she should go next.
Jareth was completely oblivious to her absence, as at the time he was enamored of a certain Sprite. The Sprite -- a Smell-Sprite -- had certain idiosyncrasies as to what she found made a charming scent. But Jareth was willing to overlook her odiferous peculiarities as she was quite wealthy. As he was so attentive to the Sprite and her money, it took him quite some time to notice Sarah had gone missing. He finally realized what happened during a nursery visit with Lute -- she was jabbering to Sarah via the crystal. In a hot rage Jareth flew off in immediate pursuit.
("Excuse me, Rebecca, but Smell-Sprites? Gillymanders, correct? Aren't they another invention of the infamous Mr. Froud and Mr. Jones?")
("Yep. They're listed in 'Strange Stains and Mysterious Smells'. Apparently one of the things that really turns them on is stinky old socks." Rebecca grinned at the King.)
("Eyuw." he scrunched up his face. "And you have the Sprite and me...?")
("But of course. My, that's some face you're making, Your Majesty.")
("Hmph. I think I shall have to write *you* into one of MY stories some day -- return the favor and all that. So, at this point in your story, I fly off 'in a hot rage', and ??????")
AND,
But by then it was too late. During Sarah's stay in his house, Hoggle had convinced Sarah that her true home was with him, and they had become--
("Rebecca, don't say it-")
-- they had become LOVERS. Jareth was unable to do a thing to either one of them. He already had no power over Sarah, and Sarah's taking Hoggle into her arms --and other places-- had in effect passed on that protection to the little man. But there was still the question of Lute. Jareth pointed out that Lute, as the next ruler of the Goblin Kingdom, should remain with him. Sarah had to agree, but she did work out a very equitable shared custody arrangement. She knew Jareth didn't want to test the limits of the substantial magic skills she had picked up since she first came to be his bride.
("Sorry to interrupt, Old One, but I must say that you're not portraying me in a very positive light.")
("Well, Jareth, look at it this way. What's a good, juicy divorce without some acrimony and allegation thrown in?")
("Hm. I suppose you have a point. Please continue.")
Hoggle looked back at the last several years with some satisfaction. Time had passed quite happily. As for himself and Sarah -- the light of his heart--
(“Jareth, stop grimacing”)
--they had a prosperous farm, three healthy children, and Sarah made a tidy side-income from various useful spells. And there were frequent visits with Lute, who remained a charming, happy child in spite of her parents' estrangement. Lute understood her unique situation with a wisdom beyond her years, and simply got on with her life, knowing that great things were in store for her.
Hoggle paused in his reflections, shaving off a bit more wood from the rattle he was making for his new son. Yes, his step-daughter was a fine girl, Lute having none of the spoiled nastiness of the father -
("Excuse me?")
("Hush, Jareth.")
-Yes, a very fine girl indeed, Hoggle thought, though she did have an unusual interest in that goblin-boy. But really, Jareth was to blame for that, trying to rush Lute into the realities of queenship. That was a black day when little Quiver arrived, and Jareth used him to show Lute just how things were done... Afterwards, the whole Underground rang with the fight that erupted between the King and Sarah, and poor Lute was the loser there...
A musical hum penetrated Hoggle's thoughts, and both he and Sarah looked up expectantly. Sarah's watcher-crystal hummed on the windowsill as it cast a soft blue light over things. They smiled -- Lute was coming! Then the light suddenly changed to a sullen red.
"JARETH!" they both spat. Hoggle reached for his ax and a whetstone.
Sarah stood with the babe and glanced at the sky. "Jareth's boiling over about something -- look at those thunderheads. Kids! Come inside! Lute's daddy is paying us a call."
The dwarfling girl and boy dashed up obediently and filed inside the house. In a very few minutes there was a crump! of thunder and a flash and a boom, and a white owl came fluttering out of the clouds. In a burst of feathers Jareth reformed in midstride, striking his thigh - hard! - with his riding crop. Sarah tried not to grin at the welts he was going to find later. Something had upset him badly.....
"Jareth," she said civilly enough, "Looks like Lute tried to beat you here. What happened?"
"Lute is grounded. Possibly for the rest of her Unnatural life." Jareth stopped and scowled off into space, hands clasped firmly behind his back. "I pulled her from a hormonal frenzy with that wretched goblin Quiver."
"Oh, gods, you must be kidd-" Sarah gasped.
"SHE tells me she's going to marry him!" he blurted, turning his scowl on Sarah. "All because of some karbobs he gave her for All Owls Night. She doesn't even like karbobs, for gods' sakes! And of course-" Jareth yelled as he flung out his arms, "I *can't* touch him, because she KISSED him and he now enjoys her protection -- and I don't even want to THINK about what else!"
Jareth looked back at his ex-wife, his face twisting in confusion. "I should have packed her off to live with you full-time when she was ten. Ahhhhh!" Jareth suddenly rubbed at his aching head. "Not that it would have helped. Look at who you ended up with -- Hogwas-"
"His name is Hoggle, you jerk." Sarah hissed as Hoggle grunted, checking the edge of his ax. "And, my darling ex-husband, you are one to talk about ending up with what. You tossed me over for a Smell-sprite and her disgusting personal habits. What was it like to sleep in her bed of unwashed socks, hmm?, or was the stench covered up by the smell of money? Other philandering husbands come home reeking of another woman's perfume, you came home smelling like the inside of a gym bag--"
"How many times must I swear to you she was just a friend -- if a close one -"
"Too close if you ask me-- those socks in our-"
"Enough, you two." Hoggle growled as the ex-couple faced off. "This is ancient history. Past wrongs can't be undone, and our kids don't need to hear yer carrying on. What matters here now is the daughter ya have between ya. Sarah, hand me little William, and I'll take 'im inside while you two talk."
"Ah yes, I'd heard that Sarah had whelped--" Jareth quit speaking when he saw Hoggle's raised ax and Sarah's glowing raised hand. "Yes, I'd heard that you two have recently *added* to your family." Jareth finished coolly.
The dwarf gathered up his son to his chest, glowering at the King.
"Erm, looks to be a fine sturdy chap, Higg-, uh, HOGgle...." Jareth offered. Hoggle made a non-committal grunt as he started into the house.
The little man stopped briefly at the door, eyeing Lute's parents. "I got two things to say to yaz both. The first is, the answer to yer current worry is to be found on the day Quiver came to the Labyrinth, when Lute saw Jareth do what he does to those kids that come 'ere. The second is, ...well," and he beamed at Sarah, "Love is where ya finds it."
("CHIRP-CHIRP-CHIRP!!!!" Jareth and Rebecca just about jumped out of their skins as three little pouchlings enthusiastically stuck what was presumably the head ends of their pouches out from under Rebecca's chair, cheeping wildly in approval of Hoggle's speech.)
("Who asked you?" a peeved mom and a Goblin King said together. The pouches quickly withdrew with a squeak.)
Hoggle went into the house, closing the door behind him. Sarah eyed her ex. “Lute and Quiver, eh? Let's go for a walk and work through this."
"Take my arm, Mrs. Hoggle?" Jareth proffered an elbow. Sarah considered for a moment, then looped her arm through his. They moved away toward the woodland gardens Sarah had created over the years.
Jareth glanced at his ex-wife, a touch wistful in spite of all the time and turmoil that had passed between them. "Sarah, it's good to see you're still as lovely as the day we-"
"Can it, sweetie. Like my husband said, we're here to talk about Lute."
"Um... All right. So. Sarah: she's not speaking to me, so what will you say to talk our daughter out of her infatuation? We need a united front on this silliness of hers."
"I don't quite know what to say to her. After all, we had our first run-in when I was fifteen, and you're-..."
"Oh, come Sarah! That was different! You were certainly different for a child your age, and it wasn't a goblin soldier that was courting you but a King! There's no comparison here. Lute is just a babe -- you were a woman."
Sarah grinned, but went on. "Lute in her love-addled logic would say differently, Jareth. And at her age, the more we'd try to pry them apart, the more they would try to come together. You know, Hoggle did make an interesting point, smart, sweet, sexy-"
"Oh, stop-"
("Oh, stop-")
"-dwarf that he is. The day Quiver came here, you let Lute play with him all thirteen hours. The poor kid was in heaven to have a human playmate so close to her own age. And then you slapped him into a goblin right in front of her. She was only nine, Jareth, too young to fully understand what's expected of the Goblin Royal House. I was never so angry with you as I was that day. Lute cried in my lap for the next week."
Jareth sighed and stopped. "Yes, that was a mistake, I'll admit it.... Lute would eventually need that lesson -- not to get personally involved with the children that come here, but I could have taught *that* later and differently. You know that she's been Quiver's champion since that day? Always defending him, seeking him out, bringing him chickens..... I tried to break their friendship up by sending him into the Army two years ago, but he's inordinarily lucky, or else smarter than he looks. He's survived every common mishap and minor battle that's come his way, and a few major ones too..."
"Jareth, that's... that's horrible -- sending him off to be killed?" Sarah blurted in disbelief.
Jareth looked at her in surprise. "Horrible? Hardly, my dear. I'd call it *practical*. And I don't think you want a goblin for a son-in-law anymore than I do, though your taste in men is certainly suspect."
"Well, I did marry you, but back to Quiver. You haven't given Lute much of a choice in normal young men to pursue, and Quiver's been her best friend. I suppose it's natural she would be drawn to him. Un-enchant the poor boy."
"I can't! His thirteen hours expired with no one in sight to claim him. I can't unmake the rule, Sarah...." Jareth thumped his riding crop against his thigh and winced. To his surprise his thigh was unbelievably sore.
Sarah put her hands on her hips, face in a frown. "Jareth, Lute told me you plucked Quiver out of an area ruined in a disaster. His mother's dying breath wished him away into your care. There wasn't anybody left alive to solve the Labyrinth for him, as I understand it."
"Yes....."
"SO, the rules didn't apply, right? You didn't need to 'slap that baby', did you? You just used him as a handy little lesson???"
"Um, uh, well, maybe,....." Jareth was getting uncomfortable under her stare.
"SO, Quiver was enchanted when he shouldn't have been, which means there is a way to break the spell. What would happen if someone solved the Labyrinth for his sake now???"
Jareth rubbed his chin, considering the idea and not finding any flaw in it. The possibility of a human boy courting his daughter was much more appetizing than the reality of a goblin.. "Well, we could try it." he finally said. "And since this is Lute's affair -- no, strike that- since this is Lute's concern, she can be the one to redeem him."
(Jareth frowned at Rebecca. "Redeem him? Like a coupon? Or a religious convert? And can't you come up with something more original than someone yet again running higgedy-piggedy through my Labyrinth?")
("Doesn't really work any other way if you enchanted him by mistake. But, pray tell,” she sneered back, “what does the great and wise Goblin King suggest as a possible solution?")
("Well," Jareth drummed his fingers on one small child's sleeping back. "I'd say, swimming to the bottom of the Bog of Eternal Stench to retrieve, maybe, a rare gem, or Didymus' lost staff. Or play 'Pin The Head On The Firey" -- it's a tougher game than it sounds.")
("Eyuuww! You've got to be joking.")
("It's what I'd do to get rid of one of my daughter's suitors...." he mused.)
("Spoken like a true daddy. Are you sure you don't have a daughter or two somewhere???")
("Bite your tongue. Where's the rest of my story?")
And so it was arranged. The very next day Lute was told she had 13 hours to solve the Labyrinth and thus free Quiver from his enchantment. To her parents' dismay she balked at first, claiming that she had fallen in love with Quiver as he was, and if that was enough for her, it should be enough for them. Jareth promised her that if she *didn't* try, then he would be quite content to help the young couple set up house on the shores of the Bog. With this generous offer on the part of his future father-in-law, Quiver fell to his knees and begged Lute to try her skills on the maze.
("Hm, banishment to the Bog. Finally something in this story makes sense.....")
("Out, my Lord, unless you want to hear the end.")
("Ah, good, there is one? Carry on, then.")
Lute solved the Labyrinth easily, with time to spare -- after all, she had been born and raised in the Goblin City. And it didn't hurt that Everyone in the Labyrinth knew she was the King's daughter, so she got more than the usual help. She stood proudly in the Escher room with her parents and step-dad, watching the minutes tick by.......
The thirteenth hour tolled its last chime, and all looked anxiously at Quiver, who just as anxiously stared back. Another minute ticked by, then another. Quiver was........ Quiver.
"Bloody hell!" Jareth whispered under his breath.
"Maybe you need to slap him again?" Sarah muttered in his ear.
"Ah! Of course!" and the King strode forward, delivering a mighty whack! to the poor goblin's jaw. Quiver crumpled into a heap, Lute landing next to him with a yowl.
"Daddy! You didn't hit him that hard when you made him!" she wailed.
Jareth just shrugged. "He had it coming for touching MY daughter."
Lute just glared at her father as she pulled her goblin to her chest -- then quickly released him in shock. His features were running together, blurring, changing color.....
And before them all stood a handsome young boy of about 10. The same 10-year old who had arrived in the Labyrinth seven years earlier.
Lute remained in her sitting position, too stunned to speak. Same with Sarah and Hoggle. Jareth, however, suddenly roared with laughter.
"It seems you've cheated time, my lad! And you're much, much too young to marry my daughter!"
Quiver looked at himself in surprise. Then he looked down into Lute's ashen face. He blushed -- deeply, as he took her hands. "Lute, I'm so sorry..."
She blinked, a few tears spilling down her cheeks. "It's alright..... you'll catch up in a few years, if you don't mind an older woman....."
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"THAT'S how it ends??????" Jareth blurted out.
"Well, pretty much..... yeah." Rebecca said defensively. "I thought you could speechify about blessings in disguise, and that it was really a good idea to wait a few years. Standard corny moralistic stuff. As for Quiver's fate, it made sense to me that he would resume the same shape he had when he got there. How is it supposed to work?"
"Well, I've never un-enchanted a goblin before. Hmmm. I may have to try it and see. You've aroused my curiosity..... And with that," Jareth extricated himself from the two sleeping girls, "I should be on my way. Unfortunately, I'm still not the least bit sleepy, as I'm now thinking of various spells to try out."
"So you're letting me off the hook for the rest of the story?"
Jareth chuckled and stood. "For this one, my dear, though the next time I might not feel so generous. Honestly. Sarah leaving someone like Myself for Hedgewart? What a ridiculous idea! Though I may ask Sarah when I next see her if she's ever thought of it -- it could be an interesting chat. Ummmm-hmmmm..." he stretched, then rubbed his hands briskly together. "Shall I send you all to your beds?"
"Send us all to mine. The kids like to sleep with Mom when Daddy's gone." Rebecca stood up and bowed slightly.
"As you wish, old girl." Jareth grinned, but Rebecca missed the gleam in his eye. It should have made her nervous...
Rebecca instantly found herself in her bed, the girls snoring gently on either side. She stretched happily. Jareth couldn't have hated the story too much or she would have ended up in an oubliette! She turned onto her side to glance at the clock, then felt something move stealthily up her calf. Her blood froze as the words "Send us all to mine." echoed in her head.
Dear God.
The Racing Goblins!
With a screech that woke the kids, Rebecca shot out of bed and whipped off the covers. The three little packages immediately bolted off the bed and broke for the door as Rebecca stomped her feet at them. And above the pandemonium of wailing kids and pouches shrieking as they tumbled down the stairs, Rebecca could hear the ringing laugh of a Goblin King...
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