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Spirits, how did she get there?
They've been apart, and broken up, for almost three months now. They didn't talk, see each other, or even try to reach out.
Izumi hoped that they could break up and pretend like it never happened, like she wasn't brokenhearted, making it seem like she didn't lose the love of her life, like she wasn't overwhelmed by losing it all once again, so they could keep going with their lives and never talk about it. They were pretty good at not talking about things; that's how they ended up like this.
She hoped her children wouldn't notice the woman one of them has been calling "mom" and the other one asking her to check for monsters under the bed every night she has been there for the past five years was suddenly gone, that she could pull her away from their lives as if she were never a part of them in the first place. She hoped they didn't notice; perhaps they didn't care. That would've made it easier.
The hope didn't last long. The eldest son asked about it, "Why hasn't Lin visited?" with noticeable worry in his voice, giving her heart a new crack, but the conversation didn't last long. She explained they weren't together anymore, so she wouldn't be coming around, expecting that'd be all the boy needed.
"Does she don't want to see us again? Did we do something?" She was wrong, she made his anxiety only grow stronger. There's another crack and an excruciating need to get out of this situation. Iroh was a rational boy, just like her, so it only made sense that's where his mind went: he is at fault.
"Uh..." it hurt, Izumi felt weak and lost, a rare state for her to be in, the only time she felt like that was when her mother passed away.
"No, its-" her heart ached "Its on me, you didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry my love" she apologized, wishing that was enough reassurance and getting ready to start punishing herself for hurting her little boy
They didn't have conversations like this too often, almost never, so she didn't know what to expect from her son's crushing silence. Then he looked at her with a glimpse of hope.
"Can i go visit her then?"
I know that this shouldn't be a traumatic event.
Izumi had been raised to be the perfect crown princess for the Fire Nation citizens: beautiful, strong, well-educated, stoic and kind.
Inside the palace, she was known for being stubborn and incredibly proud, refusing to acknowledge when she was wrong or even the possibility that she could be wrong. She was always right, but when she wasn't, she didn't like it. If she said something was, then it was, and spirits forbid someone tries to correct her.
the Beifong tried to do so three months ago. the kids were going to wonder and ask about her if Izumi didn't say anything; it would hurt them, it definitely hurt her. The princess scoffed and denied; perhaps it was the anger or the sadness, but she wouldn't allow her to win the last argument, so this was her karma, swallowing all of that pride to call her, tell her she was right, and ask if their son could visit her in Republic City.
Lin agreed.
But it is and I feel so bad.
The day they agreed on arrived faster than Izumi would've ever wished, she hoped it wouldn't have arrive at all.
"You want to see her".
"I do not".
As if it weren't hurtful enough, Azula was visiting. The one known for not keeping anything to herself, saying what she thought, and not indulging anyone was there to remind her of everything that hurt, and unfortunately, Ty Lee was not there to stop her.
"Then why are you taking him?" Azula was willing to hit a nerve, make the younger woman spit it all.
"Because he is my son"
"So what? Your father can take him."
"No, he can't."
"Because you want to see her." She pushed
"Shut up."
"You're not denying it." She wanted her to break and get into her head.
"Shut the fuck up!" Her voice was broken; that was her cue.
"You do not want this, Izumi. You do not want her to see Iroh, you want to punish her for not wanting you back and yet you want to see her, hoping she'll take the fault for whatever happened and go back to—"
"What do you know!?"
"More than you, child. Whatever it is you're hoping for, stop it." She did it. She got into her niece's head. Izumi is about to break. "If you want her back, get rid of your pride and actually try to get her back; otherwise, you'll have her and lose her again for the same reasons. Take it from me."
* * * *
Iroh was very happy—too happy. He ran to Lin as soon as he saw her, and he gave her his biggest smile and biggest hug. That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did.
"I missed you!" he shouted.
My little boy looks so happy.
"I missed you too," she whispered.
They separated, and he approached his mom to say goodbye and grab his things, happier than she had seen him in months. Maybe this was a mistake. But he's already inside the house.
He throws me his "go mummy" kiss, and he loves his mom.
"Hello Izumi." There isn't any love in that voice anymore. She's as heartbroken as Izumi.
And I loved her too.
"Hello Lin." She tries to hide her emotions, just like she was taught. Azula said not to let people know how you feel, or you'll lose control of the situation; she'd often find her to be right.
"How're you?" Lin cared. Lin always cared.
Maybe I still do.
"Let's not do that."
But it's over now.
"Alright then."
"Look, just keep an eye on Iroh. Promise me you can; he gets out of hand if you let him, so keep an eye on him and don't–"
"Izumi, I know." Oh, that's right. She spent five years next to this child, learning about him. She knows him. Five years after Izumi was gone, it was like a punch to the stomach. She couldn't breathe; it just hurt.
"You're a loving woman; make an effort not to upset him. I'll be back at seven on Sunday to get him."
"He'll be okay; I'll take care of him"
""I'm just making sure," but she knew she didn't have to, Lin always took care of everyone; that was her thing. The silence was heavy, with both of them hoping the other would say something.
"Lin," the knot in her throat hurt, about to break again. "I'm sorry"
She needed to leave.
"I know"
"Goodbye, Chief"
"Bye, princess".
Certain that I'm out of sight, I pull over and turn off the car, and I bang the wheel. I can't believe that I've actually held it together this far, seeing how I feel, but I said goodbye and I did not cry
Though, my heart ached.
It was over.