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Maddie doesn’t mean to ambush Buck at work, but their schedules have been conflicted for weeks now and she’s all out of patience. Jee-Yun is with Uncle Albert for the time being and she has a tray of coffees in hand. A shift are halfway through their 24 hour shift and all greet her with warm smiles. The coffees are passed around to everyone, who take them gratefully and Howie gives her a sweet kiss.
Buck rolls his eyes and acts disgusted, but he’s grinning and it warms her heart to see him so happy for her. They’ve come so far together.
“Not that we don’t appreciate the visit, but what’s prompted this?” Her fiancée asks her.
“I have something pretty big to announce.” Maddie starts with.
Howie’s eyes widen, and a range of emotions flicker across his face in a split second - confusion, realisation, shock, panic and then finally elation. And Maddie knows he’s corrected all the wrong dots.
“You’re -“
“Not pregnant!’ She rushes over him. His shoulders slump a little, but he’s still grinning. ‘I’m sorry, I should have clarified. Jee-Yun definitely deserves a baby sibling but that is a conversation for another time. No, I’m here about my baby sibling.”
Buck’s eyebrows furrow a little as he steps up to Maddie, standing beside Howie. She takes one of his giant hands in both of hers and looks up into those crystal blue eyes, the eyes she instantly fell in love with almost 30 years ago now.
“What did I do now?” Buck tries to joke, but Maddie can see the panic behind those eyes.
“Nothing yet, but the day is still young.” Howie crows.
Maddie cuts her eyes over to him in a glare, and he backs down, his hands raised in surrender. He steps away from the siblings, giving them some sort of semblance of privacy but she knows everyone will hear their conversation. As stated before, she does feel a little bad, but the 118, their family, have been around for every other important event in their lives leading up to now, so why not this one? She takes a deep breath, Buck squeezes her hand in his in comfort, and she starts talking from the heart.
“When the subject of marriage and weddings first came up, I was admittedly a little scared. We all know why. But, I knew that no matter what, this time around, I had you. I had you to talk to, to help me through all of my thoughts and… fears. You helped me get out of the blind panic I had and you were there to remind me that my past is in the past. That I’m in a better place, in a much better relationship, and, most importantly, that I am ready to get married again, to the love of my life, and live my happily ever after.”
“Nah, that wasn’t me. That was all you Mads.” Buck deflects, but Maddie isn’t deterred.
“One of these days I will get you to accept a compliment.’ She warns with a little laugh. It makes Buck and their little gathered family laugh too. ‘That was you Buck. It’s always been you - you’ve always been my person. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count.”
“Uh what? N-no I haven’t.” Buck stammers, looking utterly confused.
“Yes. You have. You have been saving my life from the day you were born. You saved me when I lost my older brother - you gave me something to hold onto while my world was crumbling. You saved me when I was stressing about my finals and applying for college, when you brought me a tub of ice cream and a movie that you’d saved all of you allowance to buy and forced me to take an evening to just hang out. You saved me when I went off to college and you’d come and visit me as much as you could between your own studies, and you’d make sure I was eating and taking care of myself. And you saved me every single day I lived in fear with Doug. You are what made me carry on, you are what pulled me through the darkest of days, because whenever I wanted to give up, I’d see your little sad face, your blue eyes crying for me, you begging me to carry on, to live for you. And I did.’
Maddie breaks off and stifles a shuddering sob, trying valiantly to blink away her tears. It’s still hard, talking about this part of her past - there’s an ache that never goes away when she thinks about what she had to live through. What she suffered. Everyone is silent around her and Buck.
‘You were the one thing that pulled me through, you were the one thing I lived for. Every time I received one of your Christmas or birthday or easter cards through the mail, it was like the sun shining through the rainclouds. Even when I never returned the postcards, never answered the calls or the texts, you persisted. You gave me something to cling onto. You gave me hope. And when I ran to you, when I finally gathered the strength you gave me to run, you held me in your arms and made me feel safe for the first time since I left you in that house in Pennsylvania. You were the one who faced being arrested and moved mountains to find me when I - I got taken back by Doug. You never gave up on me. You were the one who held me and kept me safe and kept me awake so I could continue living. You are the one thing in my life that has been consistent, even when I myself haven’t been consistent with you, and that’s something I’ll hate myself over for the rest of time.”
“No Maddie, p-please don’t say-“
“Buck.’ She cuts her brother off softly. ‘It’s the truth and the truth is sometimes a little hard to swallow. But we also aren’t here to talk about my regrets. I am here to tell you that I love you more than anything in my life. You are my first baby, and you are the reason I’m alive right now, for all of those reasons and so many more. You are the light at the end of every tunnel I find myself in, the light of my life. And I cannot think of a single better person to ask to walk me down the aisle.”
Buck staggers back, his eyes widening. “Wh-what?”
“Yeah. You’ve been by my side through everything, who else would I want by my side on that walk? The most important walk of all?”
“You really want me to do that? W-what about dad? He-he would want to give you away Maddie-“
“Maybe, but he’s not the one I want to give me away. You are. So will you, Evan Thomas Buckley, please walk me down the aisle?”
She holds out her pinky to her brother, and gives him her best puppy dog eyes. She knows he’d never refuse him, but she wants him to know how much she wants this. Wants him to be the one to give her away. Buck’s eyes flood with tears that immediately flow over, making her own tears finally fall. His face breaks out into a huge, blinding grin, one of the ones that just lights up his whole damn face and nods frantically.
“Yes.’ He accepts, hooking his pinky with Maddie’s and shaking. ‘I would love to walk you down the aisle Maddie.”
He uses their tiny connection to pull her towards his chest, her safe space, and hugs the life out of her. The Buckley siblings have always been tactile with each other, always been big on hugs, on physical acts of love rather than verbal, but this hug is special. They hold onto one another for dear life, with Buck rocking them from side to side.
Finally, the world rushes back in, and both of them pull away at the same time. Their family envelope them both in a family hug, all of them expressing their joy and love for them, and Maddie catches Buck’s eye.
“We finally did it. We’re finally completely, wholeheartedly happy and loved.” She tells him.
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted, for you and for me.” Buck promises.
“We have it. And it’s all thanks to you.”