Chapter Text
In a little-visited corner of the Black and White sat an undisturbed version of Hatchetfield. Fewer ghosts and disappearances than usual, and no apocalypses. At least, not yet. Such a timeline was a rarity in the Black and White. Ever the opportunist, Wiggog Y’rath decided to call over his brothers to see what he had discovered. The other Lords, however, were not happy about the interruption, and proceeded to hurl insults at one another. Mostly directed at Wiggly, but they insult each other whenever they get the chance. Such is the way that siblings typically behave.
“Brothers, brothers,” Wiggly began, attempting to quiet his raucous siblings, “When was the last time we did something together ? As fwendy-wends? As a family ?”
“Is this seriously what you called us all the way out here for? I have a theme park to run!” Bliklotep, the Watcher With A Thousand Eyes, was sick of Wiggly’s bullshit.
“A theme park? That’s hardly anything to worry about! At least I’m doing something productive. I’m actually causing an apocalypse,” Pokotho, The Singular Voice, complained. As usual, he tried to make himself the center of attention.
“Your apocalypse isn’t even scary, Pokey. You’ve done the same thing a thousand times! Where’s the originality? The suspense?”
“Blinky, you’re just mad that Bill and Alice die. That’s not my problem,”
Nibblenephim, The One Who Feasts In The Dark, was pissed that he had to stop Feasting In The Dark, and joined Pokey’s and Blinky’s argument, “You guys have to stop taking everything so seriously! I kill plenty of people without making a big show of it, and I’m doing just fine.”
“You’re not even the one killing people. You rely on those cultists too much, Nibbly,” said Blinky.
“So? You get the sniggles to do most of your work, anyway,” Nibbly gnashed his teeth,”Do any of you know when lunch is? I’m starving…”
“Nibbly, you were just eating! And you know what, I–”
“Will all of you shut the fuck up!” Wiggly interrupted Pokey, and turned to the rest of his siblings, ”I have something to show you. And Tinky! Put that box down, we’re doing something!”
“Wiggly, I’m busy with Teddy-Bear!” protested T’noy Karaxis, The Bastard of Time and Space.
“I don’t care. Why do you like that guy so much?”
“I just think he’s neat,” Tinky shrugged, “And I’m not participating in whatever you’re doing unless he’s involved.” He reluctantly pushed the Bastard’s Box to the side.
“Fine. Are we all done bickering, now?” Wiggly cast an accusatory glance at Blinky and Pokey, “Because I have an idea. Something that we can do together. Not quite an apocalypse, but it could be interesting.”
“Brothers, I’m sure you’ve all had your plans ruined by someone with a touch of the gift at one point or another,” Wiggly paused, and the other four Lords murmured in agreement, “How would you like to get rid of them? Watch them suffer?”
“Isn’t Pokey already doing that at the Roller-rama?” Blinky asked.
Pokey sighed, “I hate that timeline.”
“I know, Pokey,” Wiggly feigned concern for his brother. “But they’re not exactly suffering , are they? We’ll try something new.”
“Something fun?”
“Something tasty?”
“Sure. This pizzeria will have something for all of you,”
“A pizzeria? Doesn’t Hatchetfield already have two of them?” Blinky complained.
“This one will be different. It will be ours, after all,” Wiggly mused.
“I have all of the entertainment I need at Watcher World.
“Think of all of the effort it takes, though curating your spectacles. You know, Blinky, you won’t even need to interfere to see something amusing here. It will be like that restaurant chain with the rat mascot! Fights break out there all the time, and you won’t have to lift a finger.”
“Tempting. But will I be able to see my favorite Hatchetfield residents? You know I live for family drama, Wiggly.”
“That can be arranged,” he said flatly.
“If Blinky gets to play favorites, then so do I! I want both Spankoffskis in my toy box.”
Wiggly rolled his eyes. “Are there any other favorites I should know about?”
“ I want to see my leading man. And–”
“No hive minds, Pokey, you nasty boy. We are working together .”
“Fine. But none of you are allowed to kill him!”
The other Lords agreed, if only to get Pokey to stop complaining. No one really cared if Paul Matthews dies in this timeline. Or in any timeline, for that matter.
“You and Tinky have such strange choices for a favorite Hatchetfield resident. What you see in that man, Pokey, I’ll never understand.” Wiggly adressed the remaining sibling, “What about you, Nibbly?”
“As long as there’s someone to eat, I’ll be happy.”
“Rest assured, there will be plenty of food for you. Let’s get to work.”
Just before the Lords in Black descended on their chosen timeline, a voice rang out through the Black and White.
“Wiggly, you said you wanted to include all of your siblings. Why leave me out?” Webby, the Queen in White, appeared in front of her brothers.
“Webby, you’re such a stupid bitch! Come to ruin our fun,” Wiggly jeered.
“Just as immature as ever…” she mused, “It is nice seeing you five get along, though.”
“What do you want?”
“Wiggly, the only reason you’re doing this is because you know you’re not strong enough to kill my prophet on your own.”
“That is not true! I just…want to spend time with my siblings. Is that such a crime?”
“It is if you kill people. Besides, won’t it be boring to just slaughter with no effort? Don’t you want them to put up at least a little bit of a fight?”
“You’re not going to stop bothering me until I let you help your prophet, are you?”
“I won't,” Webby smiled.
“Fine. You’re such a buzzkill, Webby.”
“I know,” she sighed, “I won’t bother you If you don’t bother me.”
Wiggly snickered, “If you say so. But if you get a prophet, then so do I.”
A man with slicked-back hair and a tacky denim outfit appeared beside Wiggly, “Are you finally startin’ an apocalypse?” he asked, completely nonchalant about the fact that he was standing next to an eldritch tentacle monster.
Webby glared at the man, Wilbur Cross, or “Uncle Wiley” as he was now known. He simply chuckled and took an obnoxiously loud bite of his apple in response.
“What is it, Webby? I thought we were all pally-wals here,” Wiggly laughed, and turned to Wiley, “Not quite an apocalypse. A new business venture. And you will be the manager of our first location.”
“Sounds good to me. What do I need to do first?” Wiley took another bite of his apple and threw it into the void.
“Secure funding. Why don’t you ask Roman Murray first? I’m sure he’ll be happy to throw his money at anything that Nibbly’s involved in.”
“Whatever you say,” Wiley disappeared.
Wiggly turned back to his brothers, and Webby was left alone again. If they could scheme, then so could she.