Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

John groans, he notices a few things right away. He’s in pain, every joint hurts, his left hand is cramping and the muscles are tight. He’s in a bed, it’s soft and fluffy. He’s obviously not backstage with his brothers.

 He forces his eyes open and looks around. There’s stuff everywhere, brozone merch and memorabilia. Is he in a catterbus? No not enough seats. Did a crazy fan beat him up and lock him in whatever this is? There is a door and a front window that he could try to go take a look through. He moves the blankets from off of him and sits up moving to the edge of the bed. He encounters an actual problem when he goes to stand, his back has locked up. 

 Tears fall down his cheeks and he whimpers in pain. What is happening to him? How did he get here? Why is he in so much unbearable pain? 

 “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know he was in this much pain. He must have been used to it, or was taking meds for it and they wore off.”

He jumps just a bit at the sudden voice, it jarred his back and he cries even more. Sharp pain shooting down his legs with the movement. 

 Who was that? How did they get in here? “Here let me help” suddenly the pain was gone. John looks up in shock, taking in the troll in front of him. The first thing he notices is they are floating, the second thing he notices is their very unusual coloring. They are a very light purple and have stunning white hair that shimmers in the light and looks like a cloud.

  “Who are you?” He needs to know, they took all his pain away. “ I am moonflower. I have a choice for you to make.” A choice? He doesn’t even know where he is or what’s happening! He can’t make a choice!

 “ you have two options. The first is , you can stay in this body now with all the drawbacks presented. Or I can make you younger but you have too deal with a small physical difference. “

“Why would I need to have a small difference? “ if they can make him younger why can’t they keep him the same. 

 The troll smiles at him, “ everything has a price John Dory. The price of making you younger is a physical change. You won’t be stuck in a forty year old body” a what?! “ and in pain anymore. You will be seventeen with a small physical addition.” 

  He doesn’t know what to say to this. He doesn’t even know what happened to get him here! He is seriously freaking out ! 

 He must have taken too long to answer, because the troll looks towards the door suddenly. “ Hmm, it seems branch will be here soon.” His baby? By himself? What? “ you must make a choice now.” 

 He doesn’t want to be in pain, but he’s scared of what the difference will be. What if he gets a third arm?! But…. The pain is horrible. “ I….. I’ll go younger.” 

 “Close your eyes and breathe deep.”

He does, breathing deep as he waits for anything. 

He wasn’t expecting the sudden pain, it hits him hard and he passes out.

~~~

 Branch is going up to where Rhonda and John are. It seems he has to be the responsible one, the others are in his bunker. He feels only a bit bad that they are all in what seems to be deep mourning. Is it wrong he is feeling slightly happy at their pain? He’s furious with his brothers, he was trying to get them to forgive John for months! It’s a shame it took John dying to get them to actually forgive him, to see he was trying. 

 Branch himself is taking it hard. Very hard. He just got his dad back, and he only got him for a few months and now he’s gone. His own colors have dulled, this is the closest he’s been to being grey since the Bergen thing two years ago. He knows he has to find some way to take care of the body’s. He can’t leave them out in nature to rot, they don’t deserve that.

 When he gets to the spot he knows they left Rhonda, he shocked. They’re gone. Different scenarios flash through his mind too fast for him to really parse together. He runs the rest of the way over trying to get a better look at the spot they were in. 

 Instead of Rhonda’s body he sees a weird floating troll, who is holding- wait. Is that?! He runs closer only stopping a few paces away from the troll. It is. It’s John Dory. He’s younger and is curled up around an egg, and ……. Is that a tail?! 

“ hello branch.” He brings his eyes up and look at the floating trolls face. “ yes, this is John Dory. Not your John Dory but the one he replaced. I had to put his soul somewhere, so I brought him here.” 

 He was trying to find words.  His soul, why is he younger then? Why does he have a tail? What’s with the egg?! “Tail? Egg? What?”

He could only get out those three words, he had no idea what was happening.

  The troll just smiled warmly at him, holding the young John out for him to take. He took his older yet now younger brother into his arms, carefully tucking him close to his chest, being carful of the tail. 

 “ he has a tail because that was the price of making his body young again. He would have just gone into your John’s body, but he was in so much pain he chose to be younger even when I told him he would have a physical change. Granted, I did tell him he was going to be seventeen, but I had to make him fourteen because of how much time I had to take off his body. The egg is Rhonda.” 

  Tears come to branch’s eyes. He had John back, he clutched him tightly to his chest. This might not be his John but he was still a John. Just younger, has a tail, and also now has an egg. 

 “I left his memory in tact, he will probably be confused. Bruce will need to explain why he’s here.” That’s right, his brothers. Holy sprinkles he needs to tell his brothers.

 “Thank you! For giving us John back, even if he’s not our John. I’ll make sure he’s taken care of.” He bows his head in thanks and turns from the troll running all the way back to his bunker. His colors bright and joyful the whole way.

~~~

Bruce sits with the light off, under the covers of his bed. He hasn’t moved in hours. His paws flex on the goggles he still holds in his grasp. The tears he hasn’t been able to stop falling haven’t let up. His kids are going to be so sad, and his beautiful wife, what is he going to tell her? That he was a selfish troll who couldn’t accept an apology? That she will never get to know John Dory because he felt so bad he left the dimension?

 The guilt feels like it is going to crush him. there’s knocking at his door, he doesn’t want to see anyone right now so he ignores it. “Bruce!” It’s branch, oh troll branch. He just got them back and now John is gone. His baby brother must be so upset, John has left him again. He still doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, he can’t face branch right now.

 “Bruce! Open the door now! It’s important!” He doesn’t want too, he can’t face him, not now that he’s the reason John is gone. He closes his eyes and just waits, he knows branch will give up soon. “ Bruce I didn’t want to do this but you leave me no choice.” 

What is he going to do? Kick down his own door? There’s no way branch would- a loud crash and thud makes Bruce look over at where the door used to be. Well, color Bruce surprised. He sits corrected as he stares at his baby brother who is standing on the remains of the door. 

  He’s shocked that branch would do that but- is that a trolling? Bruce scrambles out of bed and hurry’s towards branch. He looks at the curled troll in branch’s hold. He looks like, no. Is that John Dory? He looks up at branch’s face, he’s sure his shock is written all over his face.

  Why is his older brother/dad a child? Did he come back? But… what about the other dimension? What about that branch? John wouldn’t come back and doom him to death. What is happening. Did John come back to them?

 “ Bruce , this is John Dory, but not ours.” Oh… his excitement that was growing diminished. Why would this be their John? He was helping younger versions of themselves have a better life. He feels a small amount of bitterness that his John gets to be happy and not know that he’s with the wrong brothers. He flinches at his own thoughts. He pushed the bitterness away, no, he has no right to feel bitter at something he caused. 

  “ this is the John that ours replaced, he’s fourteen now. The weird floating troll said they gave him a choice. Either stay in John’s forty year old body in all the pain John has been experiencing, or go back to being a child BUT he now has a tail…”  as branch was explaining what has apparently happened, Bruce took in the details of this John. He has a smooth fur covered tail curled around himself and is clutching an egg to his chest. 

  Fourteen? Wait, John’s been in pain this whole time?! Why didn’t he tell them? He shakes his thoughts loose, no he can’t think like that. This is a third chance to connect with his big brother/dad. He can’t waste it, he WONT waste it. 

    He holds his paws out in front of him, he wants to hold John Dory while he can. Branch gently shifts John into his arms, “ the troll said you needed to explain why he’s here. His memories are intact but he was supposed to be seventeen. Also the egg is apparently Rhonda, I don’t know why she’s an egg now the troll didn’t say anything about that.”

  He had to explain why this John is here? He had to tell him about his own world and why he was moved from it? That will hurt him. Bruce knows John well enough to know the truth will hurt him. Should he lie to him? Should he make up something so he doesn’t hurt John? John’s going to be heart broken if he knows that he left and branch dies because of it. 

  He must have made an expression showing his uncertainties because branch places his paw on his shoulder. “ Bruce, you need to tell him why he’s here. You don’t lie about it.” 

 “But -“

“ No Bruce. If you try to lie about it then I’ll tell him. He needs to know.” Branch was staring directly into Bruce’s eyes, he was being completely serious. Bruce’s ears lower as he thinks about how John is going to be so upset and he will be the cause of it. Can he do this? 

 He looks at John curled in his arms, he has to tell him. He nods slowly, branch squeezes his shoulder before he lets go and steps out of the room. “ I need to go tell Floyd and Clay, he should wake up soon. I’ll keep them in the living room, come out when you’re done.” With that his baby brother walks away. 

 Bruce stands there, broken door on the floor, brodad in his arms, egg Rhonda, and no idea what he’s doing. 

~~~

 John wakes up all at once. He takes stock of himself, was that a weird dream? He not in pain, he isn’t in a bed. He is being held? And is that an egg he’s holding? He moves his paws a bit, yep. That’s an egg. He’s had to raise all his kids from eggs, so he is familiar with how an egg feels. But whose egg is it? Branch was already four months old and John’s parents were eaten 6 months ago. So whose egg is this?

  He forces his eyes open, the first thing he sees is a shell necklace and a light blue chest. What the troll? He looks around more noticing the black and white floral vest and large purple hair. Seriously the hair is absolutely massive, what troll needs hair this large?! “John?” This voice sounds familiar. But, no it can’t be, it can’t be his baby bug. Last John checked he was taller than spruce.

 He remembers moonflower, what they said about making him younger. He tries to sit up, he needs to know what the difference is. Please don’t be an extra arm, please. PLEASE don’t be an extra arm. “Whoa! John careful, you could fall!” The arms around him tighten a small amount trying to keep him from moving. 

 “Let me go! I need to see what the difference is!” 

 “Difference? Do you mean the tail?” 

Oh troll, the what?! He stopped moving and just sat there for a minute. The tail. He has a tail? John cradles the egg in one paw and reaches down trying to find the tail. When he finds it he jerks back from it. He felt that. He can feel his tail. He tries to move it consciously, he can. Oh sprinkles. He has an egg and a tail?! 

 “John? Are you okay?” He finally looks up at the face of the troll that’s holding him. Those eyes, that hair, that face shape. This is his baby bug. His spruce. “Spruce?” Spruce flinches minutely. 

 “I actually go by Bruce now.” What? Why would his baby change his name? “ ….oh…. Why?” He watches as spruces-uh Bruce’s face gets an uncomfortable look and he looks away from John. “ I wanted to get away from the band..” John’s heart hurt at that. 

 “Oh…” what does he say here? What can he say? He doesn’t even know what happened. He cradles the egg closer to his chest, he has to keep the egg warm until it hatches. He might not know why he has it, but he will raise it all the same. After all, it’s not the first time he’s woken up to an egg.

 They fall into an uncomfortable silence for a bit, before Bruce moves to a bed John hadn’t seen before. “ John, I’m going to tell you what’s happened okay? You’re not going to like it, but you should know. “ Bruce sits on the bed but he hasn’t released John yet. He’s actually clutching him tighter to his chest. If John wasn’t concerned before he certainly is now.

  Bruce takes a deep breath before putting John in the bed next to him and turns towards him so they are facing each other. “ John I need you to listen to me without interrupting. Can you do that?” 

 John nods, of course he can do that, believe it or not he only looked younger. he was still seventeen in mind. Bruce nods back before launching into an explanation of why John’s here and why he has an egg and a tail. 

  Each word about how he left and branch dies because of it, how he left his babies and lost one but didn’t know until it’s too late because he wanted the family harmony so bad, is like a stab to the heart. His children suffer so much that some weird troll had to replace him with a better John. He’s a failure. He’s a horrible dad. He failed all his children. And branch….. oh sweet troll, branch would have died.. he would have killed his baby.

 John feels his ears fall, he feels his hope dying. He would have doomed his babies to death. He zones out, he loses focus. The guilt is crushing him. He can’t possibly live with himself now. Why? Why was he such a failure? He doesn’t notice the tears that fall silently down his face as he stares at nothing. doesn’t notice when Bruce stops talking and watches horrified as John loses his color. All he can think about is how he almost was the cause of his children’s ruin. And it kills him inside. 

 How can he come back from this? This crushing guilt? 

 He can’t. He doesn’t think he ever will.

~~~ 

  “So you’re telling us that the John from the dimension our John got sent too came to our universe and is now a fourteen year old troll? And Rhonda’s an egg?” Clay was super confused, what the troll? First he’s mourning for his brodad and now he has another version alive here, that he  can now build a relationship with? 

 “Yes Clay! I’ve been saying the same thing for ten minutes! No matter how many different ways you try to word it the answer is yes!” Branch was getting fed up with all of clays questions, Clay could tell. He was just so confused! First John is gone and now he’s back in the same day! 

 He goes to ask again when he’s cut off by a high pitched shout of “John?!” From Bruce’s room. They all move at once, running to Bruce’s room and turning on the light. Before Clay can even get any words out he looks over at John and Bruce. What he sees makes his blood freeze in his veins. John is grey. No. 

He runs over kneeling next to Bruce who is holding John’s free paw. John is still clutching the egg close to his chest. “John please! They are okay! I promise! You’re okay. Please John!” Bruce is crying as he tries to get any reaction out of John. 

 “Bruce what did you do?!” Clays question makes Bruce cry harder.

“ I told him about his universe! I knew it would hurt him but not like this! I would have lied to him if I knew he would react this way!” Bruce told John his other world kids would have died, basically, if he had stayed?! 

 “Bruce! He probably thinks he killed his kids!! Why would you do that?!” 

 “He had to know Clay, he would have freaked out, he would have asked anyway!” 

 “How did you word it? Were you gentle or did you just spit it out harshly? What if this was you and you found out you almost caused your own kids deaths?!” 

 Bruce loses his temper at that question, he turns sharply to Clay and growls at him. His growl is full of anger, suddenly Clay feels like he made a mistake. Scratch that, he KNOWS he made a mistake when Bruce’s hair puffs up. Do to the sheer size of it already, when it’s proofed up in his anger it makes Bruce look three times as big.

 “ don’t you do that Clay,” Bruce’s voice is kept low and menacing a low growl accompanying every word he says. “ don’t you bring my kids into this. You think I don’t know what he’s going through? The guilt of almost losing a child? I live on an ISLAND Clay. An ISLAND! Believe it or not vacationers aren’t born knowing how to swim!” The ice in clays blood spreads as Bruce says that. The horror of hearing Bruce almost lost a child.

 “ you don’t have any idea how hard it is to see your child swept up in a current and you being to small to help. You don’t understand the helplessness of knowing your child could die and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Because you’re not enough.” Clay wants him to stop. He can’t take this anymore, he’s sorry. He shouldn’t have brought this up. 

 He folds his ears back, flattening his hair to his back as he crouches on the floor. Whining high pitched as he cowers in the face of his brothers anger. He closes his eyes trying to block out Bruce’s growling and heated anger. 

 “Baby bug… please.. little light is sorry..” the broken sentence is spoken so softly they almost don’t hear it. Bruce suddenly stops growling. The silence is heavy and thick. Clay opens his eyes and sees John looking in the direction of himself and Bruce. He’s not looking directly at them, his vision still focused somewhere they can’t see. 

  John had spoken their old nicknames. How long has it been since they have heard those? Clay feels tears gather in his eyes. He swipes at his face trying to remove the tears unsuccessfully. He jumps a bit when he feels a paw on his head. He looks up and sees Bruce, Bruce looks crushed. “ I’m sorry Clay… I shouldn’t have gotten so angry….”

 Clay shakes his head, his tears still falling faster, “ no *hic* I’m sorry. It was *hic* wrong *hic* to bring your kids into this. I’m *hic* I’m s -sorry!” He starts crying so hard he’s started gasping for air as he chokes on sobs. A small hand joins Bruce’s on his head, he looks up again and sees John. John still has that distant look in his eyes, like he’s not there. 

 “ don’t cry baby.. it’s okay…” his words are still stilted and broken. This hurts Clay even more. Even when John isn’t consciously there he’s still trying to comfort them. How could he have hated his dad so much he forgot everything he ever did for them? Even this younger alternate version of John thinks of them first when he’s hurting. 

  He’s starting to have a hard time breathing with how hard he’s crying. Suddenly he hears a sound he hasn’t heard in decades. The soothing sound of John’s rumbling chitter. He doesn’t last long in his fight to stay awake. He chirps in answer before he fades into blissful rest.

~~~

  Branch had ran to get the doctor, as soon as he had seen that glazed look in John’s eyes he knew he needed to see someone. He had ran to the nearest doctor and all but dragged them back to his bunker. 

  When he comes back to the room he sees Clay fast asleep with his head in John’s lap. Bruce and Floyd both look to be fighting sleep, what’s happening? John is making a rumbling chitter sound that is honestly making branch tired the longer he hears it. 

  The doctor sticks Cotton in branch’s ears to block the noise. They then walk over to John and start examining him. With the cotton in his ears he doesn’t feel as tired but he’s super confused when all of a sudden Bruce and Floyd fall into sleep right where they are. He sees the doctor try to take the egg from John, only to pull their hands back when John’s hair puffs. The doctor nods and comes over to branch, gently grabbing his paw and leading him out of the room. 

  The doctor gently reaches up and removes the cotton. “ what’s happened? Do you know why John’s acting that way?” 

  “I can see John is different branch. I don’t know what happened but it seems to be a family thing so I won’t pry.” Branch is extremely grateful for that. “ John is dissociating. He’s not aware of what’s happening right now. He is acting on auto pilot basically. Unfortunately I don’t know how long this will last, it could be a few hours all the way up to a few months. Maybe longer.” 

  “What can we do for him?” He needs to know, he wants to help. They just got John back, now he’s basically not there again but branch will do everything he can to help him. “ show him your there for him, try to help him relax. Is there something that could cheer him up?” 

  Branch could have Bruce take him to vacay island so John can meet his kids. Their John seemed excited to meet them, maybe this John will want to see them too? He nods in conformation.

 “ good, also don’t take the egg from him. It seems to be partially grounding for him. If it starts to become dangerous for him or the baby you will have to separate them. If that becomes the case you might need to replace the egg with something similar so he will think it’s the egg.” What? Why? Isn’t that cruel making John think he has his egg when in reality they have taken it from him?

 The doctor must see his confusion, “ thats only in the worst case scenario. He seems fine with it right now, but that could change at any moment. You need to be careful here. John is in a very delicate situation.” 

 They talk for a bit more, talking over things that could be done before the doctor takes their leave. 

 Branch heads back to the room where the rest of his brothers are. John has stopped the rumbling and chittering and is now humming a broken toon, running his free paw through clays hair. Slowly straightening clays frizzy hair so it is more calm. 

“JD?” John doesn’t acknowledge him, branch goes closer and sits on the floor closer to John. He leans up against John’s shoulder, wanting that physical reminder John is next to him. 

  Branch starts singing a song he vaguely remembers from when he was a small trolling. John always used to sing this to him as he slept. 

Look at the sky

Tell me what do you see

Just close your eyes

And describe it to me

The heavens are sparkling

With starlight tonight

That's what I see

Through your eyes 

 Please John, branch places his paw on top of John’s paw that’s currently cradling the egg. 

I see the heavens

Each time that you smile

I hear your heartbeat

Just go on for miles

And suddenly I know

My life is worth while

That's what I see

Through your eyes 

Even though you’re not my John, not really, I love you. Come back dad, please…

Here in the night

I see the sun

Here in the dark

Our two hearts are one

Branch stops singing when he hears John brokenly sing the next few lines

It's out of our hands….

We can't stop what…. we have begun

….And love just ……took me by surprise

Looking through your eyes 

 “Johnny? Dad?” Maybe John has become more coherent? Branch feels hope in his chest, please let John realize where he is. His hope is lost when he looks at John and sees the same glazed look in his eyes. Branch sighs, his ears lower as his spirits drop. He was hoping to help John with the song he always used to sing to him. He stands and carefully picks Clay up, moving him to the bed. Then he gently takes John’s paw in his own guiding him to stand and get in the bed as well. 

  He covers them both, then he carefully tries to shift Rhonda’s egg out of John’s grip. He wants to make sure her egg is safe while John sleeps. John’s free paw covers his when he touches the egg, John suddenly looks at him. Branch freezes, he doesn’t want to startle John into thinking he’s a threat to his egg. 

 John coos at him, “ hello baby, my starlight.” Tears make their silent way down his face, John’s nickname for him. He hasn’t heard this in forever. Even with his dull colors from years of being grey John knows who he is. “ aww, baby don’t cry. Here,” John gently shifts the egg into branch’s paws, “ hold  the little baby for me?” The tears come faster as he gently cradles Rhonda’s egg to his own chest. John trusts him so much, even when he’s not consciously there he trusts him and wants to sooth him. He thought branch wanted to hold the egg and didn’t want him to be sad if he said no.

 John still isn’t looking directly at him, but branch hopes this is a good sign. He hopes John will come back soon. 

Chapter Text

>

   Bruce wakes slowly, a feeling of safety and family surrounded him. He hums moving his paw out to the side looking for his wife. All he meets is the hard cold floor. What? Everything comes back to him all at once and he sits up a little to fast, his vision gaining black spots for a few seconds as he takes in the situation. John had calmed them and he had fallen to sleep, he can’t believe that still works on him.

 Looking over to the bed he sees Clay and branch cuddled into John’s side all asleep. It surprises Bruce that branch is holding Rhonda’s egg, John let him hold it. He gets up walking over to Floyd who looks just a bit uncomfortable on the floor curled up . He gently lifts his brother into his arms, taking him over to the bed and sitting down on it with him in his lap. 

  He just sits and contemplates what has just happened. An alternate John, specifically the one his John replaced, is here. He has a tail, an egg that is supposed to be Rhonda’s egg. John has gone grey because Bruce told him to much. Why does he keep hurting John?  His ears fall just a bit the more he thinks about this. 

 “ …’uce “ he looks over to branch who looks tired still but is looking at him. Branch shifts some, carefully shifting Rhonda’s egg with the utmost care as he moves. “ we should take him to visit your family.  Maybe meeting your kids will help him?” 

  That just brings a whole new wave of guilt to Bruce. His John never got to properly meet his family. He looks away from branch to Floyd , not wanting his baby brother to see his guilt that is reflected in his eyes. “ Bruce, I know you’re feeling guilty, but John going grey isn’t your fault . He’s dealing with his own guilt right now, he needs our support.”

  He knows John needs their support right now, he does. He wants to help John, but does he really deserve too? No, it’s not a matter of deserving to help John, it’s a matter of he has to help John. “ what would meeting my family do? He doesn’t even know about them.” This John’s version of Bruce hadn’t even left the tree yet. 

 “ the doctor said to focus on happy things, we need to try to get him to focus on what is happening instead of zoning out. They said happy things would do that. John was so excited to meet your wife and kids maybe this one would be excited to meet them as well? We can try it right?”

  Bruce knew branch was right. He’s coming to terms with the fact that branch is right a lot of the time. They could try it. But how would they get there?

 “ Rhonda is literally an egg, how do we get there in a short time? If we walk It’ll  take about a week! That’s way too long to try and lead John there like he is right now. What if he wanders away? We need a way to get there that doesn’t put John At risk of danger.”

 “ I have a plan for that, we can take the catterbus.” Of course his brother has a plan for this, He’s always prepared. 

  He relents, “ okay branch, we can try it.” 

 “Mmnn “ Bruce freezes at the small hum from John. He doesn’t dare look at his older now younger brother. 

  “ here John, here’s your egg back.” There’s some rustling as branch gives John his egg and gently scoots off the bed. 

 “Hmm” John doesn’t seem to want to use words right now. That’s okay, Bruce knows this will take time.

 “ hey John? Bruce has a question he wants to ask you.” He snaps his head up looking at branch with slight betrayal, how could his brother put him on the spot like that? Branch looks at him with a deep scowl, nodding sideways at John. He’s basically telling him he needs to get his sprinkles together and tell John to come over. 

  He hesitates just a second before he looks at John. That faraway look is still there and he has no expression on his face, If Bruce didn’t know better he would just assume he was tired. He’s clutching the egg close to his chest with both paws. 

  He lifts Floyd from off his lap and places him on the bed, he then shifts over closer to John and gently takes one of his paws in his own. “ would you like to come meet my wife and kids?” 

  John’s ears shift up a small amount and he seems to focus on Bruce for a moment. Hope rises in Bruce’s chest just to fall some as John looses that focus. It doesn’t fall all the way, he saw him focus! There’s hope this could work!

  “ look at the baby, aren’t they cute?” John holds the egg in front of him, not to far but far enough that Bruce knows he’s trying to show him the egg. He squeezes John’s paw lightly, “ yes John they’re cute. But would you like to come meet my family?” 

  John tilts his head, “ your…. Family..” Bruce nods trying to keep his hurt from showing at how seeing John like this hurts him. “ yes the baby is family.” Bruce’s own ears lower at that. John’s not processing what he’s saying, his heart hurts at this. 

  “ Bruce “ branch puts his paw on his shoulder,  “ let’s just take him, maybe seeing them will help.” 

  “ okay branch, do you want to go get the  us ready? I’ll get everyone up.”

 Branch pats his shoulder with a firm paw and exits the room, going to get the bus ready for them to head over to vacay island. 

Now Bruce needs to get his brothers up and going. 

~~~

  “Clay, Clay c’mon get up.” Someone is shaking him, he doesn’t want to get up yet. He hasn’t felt this safe in years. Not since before he left the band. He hums discontentedly and shifts further into the heat he’s laying against. 

 The shaking persists, “ Clay, get up we’re going to vacay island. Do you want to go or not?” Why are they going to vacay island? Suddenly everything from yesterday comes back to him, he jolts up jostling John as he does and scaring floyd who was trying to get him up. 

  “ John!” He looks over John who’s next to him. He’s still grey, he’s still not fully there. Oh…. It wasn’t a dream then… John turns towards him but doesn’t meet his eyes, “ good morning little light” how can one sentence affect him so much? As gently as possible Clay shifts closer and bumps his forehead with John’s, “ good morning…” he stays like that for a small moment, just taking solace in the fact John is here with them. The fact that he’s not dead. 

  He knows this isn’t their John and that hurts. It hurts so much. But they have another chance, they have a chance to meet their relationships with this John. And he’s going to take advantage of that.

  He sits back looking around the room, Floyd is next to him in the bed still looking just a bit frazzled but he has a small smile on his face as he watches Clay interact with John. Bruce is standing by the side of the bed, he also has a smile on his face but it’s a small happy/sad one, his eyes are full of sadness only a small amount of happiness is showing but he’s not losing color so that’s good. Clay shifts over and off the bed and hugs Bruce. He tucks his face into Bruce’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. 

  “ I’m so sorry Bruce. I’m sorry I reacted that way to you yesterday, I was out of line with the comments I made.” He feels Bruce wrap his arms around him, returning the hug. 

  “ I forgive you Clay, I understand.” He’s so glad he gets this chance to be with his brothers again. He leans away, breaking the hug. “ so, we’re going to vacay island?” 

 “Yeah, branch said it would help John. He seemed to focus for a moment when I mentioned it so it’s our best shot.”

  “The bus is ready” well, speaking of branch,  There he is. 

  “Okay, let’s go boys.” Bruce helps John out of bed carful of both the egg and John’s new tail, isn’t that a shock to see. He knew John had a tail now, branch had told them but seeing it is different than just hearing it. Wait, he’s still in John’s vest and pants. They are too big on him now. “ wait Bruce! He can’t go in that!” Clay quickly turns to Floyd, “ can he borrow some of your clothes?”

  After they had gotten back to pop village Floyd, Clay, and John had actually gotten new clothes. John’s clothes are going to be to big now for this smaller version of John but Floyds clothes should fit. That and Clay doesn’t think John would appreciate his sweater rompers. 

  “ well yes but-“ that’s all Floyd needs to say before Clay is running from the room to Floyd’s room, he opens the chest of drawers and pulls out a pair of loose brown pants with a tie able waist band and a green vest. He goes back and quickly tries to get John in his new clothes.

   “ ah Clay! Let me get the egg.” Branch walks over and tries to get John to give him the egg. Tries being the key word. John growls at him, not the protective growl Bruce had used on him earlier but a softer one letting him know to back off. Branch does back off, apologizing to John as he steps back. 

  They try to figure out how to get John to change from his older vest to this newer one. In the end they just change the pants, leaving the tail out of the back and tying the pants on so they don’t fall off accidentally. Next they all head up to the catterbus, Clay says bye to viva letting her know he will be back soon hopefully.  Branch says bye to poppy, she wishes them all safe travels and to come back soon. 

   Finally they were off to vacay island.  Clay sat next to John the whole time, pointing at things out of the window and trying to get John to interact with him. It wasn’t very successful, John looked out the window for part of the time but Clay could tell he wasn’t really seeing what was happening. His facial expression never changed, the only thing he did was pat clays knee at some points and offer him to look at but not hold the little egg he was holding. 

The whole journey there Clay tried and tried to get John to react to anything, he made jokes, he tried moving in funny ways, anything to see John smile. He tried to be funny like when he was a kid, he did the things that always would make John laugh but, John did nothing. Why? He tried getting away from being the funny one  for so long that he forgot why he was the funny one in the first place. 

  It wasn’t about the band, he only became the fun one in the band because that’s the only title they could think of that would fit his personality at that age. He wanted to make John laugh. He wanted to see the troll who raised him happy and joyful. He was funny because he wanted his dad to smile more. 

  Eventually it became a box he was stuck in. A box that hurt him, he hated that box. He hated it so much he stopped caring about being funny anywhere but for the band. The band their parents had wanted became a toxic activity that ruined their family. Looking back now, when he had a clearer mind of things and still slightly reeling from branch’s rant at him, he realizes John had slowly stopped having genuinely happy smiles most of the time. He realizes how fake lots of them had become. 

   He still doesn’t know why John wanted that harmony so badly, perhaps he will never know. He just knows now that branch was right, he is so focused on being the serious one now, he’s not trying to be anything else. He can still be serious and enjoy his spread sheets and sad books, but he can also just be himself. He’s been forcing himself not to do anything fun, nothing, no scrapbooking unless it has a serious reason, no parties unless he gets to help with the evacuation plans if it flops, he doesn’t choreograph dances anymore, he’s been so serious he’s forgotten he can still have fun without being ‘the fun one’ . 

  He’s let the past hold onto him too long in the future. He needs to let himself relax, let himself forgive and move on. He wants to help this John now that he’s got a chance, but with everything he tries that doesn’t work, he grows more upset. Why can’t he make John smile anymore? Why did it take losing HIS John to make him realize this? To realize he hasn’t heard John truly laugh since before the perfect family harmony was ever thought of?

   It’s about an hour until they make it to the island when Clay stops trying to get John to laugh and just softly sings to him under his breath as he sits next to him. 

I fell by the wayside, like everyone else

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you

But I was just kidding myself

He could never truly hate John Dory, never even when he blamed his brother for basically everything.

Our every moment, I start to replace

'Cause now that they're gone

All I hear are the words that I needed to say

When you hurt under the surface

Like troubled water running cold

Well, time can heal, but this won't

Time could never heal what Clay never tried to fix. He knew he was hurting John with his comments. John was just so good at hiding it. 

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said

To make your heart beat better?

  He knows there was something he could have done. He could have done anything to show John he loved him still, but he never did.

If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said

To make it all stop hurting?

It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless

  Seeing John dissociate at the thought of him losing them hurts Clay so deeply. He’s sorry he never tried to forgive him before he was gone

So, before you go

Was never the right time, whenever you called

Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all

  Every time John tried to talk to him for long periods of time, Clay would turn it into a fight. 

Our every moment, I start to replay

But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face

  He will never forget what John looked like in Bruce’s arms when they found them up in Rhonda earlier that day. He will never forget how this John looked when he ran into Bruce’s room and saw him grey. 

  Through the song All John did was stare at the egg. Was he even hearing what Clay was saying? Would he ever come back to them and be able to live normally again? There’s going to be changes but they can get through this. They can, Clay will try everything he can just to get John to smile at him again. 

   The bus stops, “we’re here!”  Clay takes John’s paw in his own and gently leads him from the bus. Here goes everything. 

Chapter Text

 Brandy watches as her children run around her and Bruce’s restaurant. It was a pretty slow and leisurely day today. Bruce said he was bringing his older brother John with him when he came back this time. It worries her that Bruce still, after these past few months, was super angry with John.

 Yes her husband had told her about his older brother and his wanting of the family harmony. How it broke their family apart and gave Bruce body image issues. She’s not okay with how it affected her husband back then, and even some now. John needs to answer some questions for her when he gets here. 

  However, when John had come to get Bruce to save their brother she had seen how he was surprisingly upset. Not the mad type of upset but the sad kind. Yeah he seemed fine when she had seen him and talked to him, but his eyes told a different story. 

  She wasn’t the mother of thirteen without gaining some understanding of how to read others. Reading trolls was only a little harder as they were so much smaller than her and her kids, but she has gotten pretty good at it. Her husband is very expressive in body language and in voice. She can read him like an open book. 

  John Dory on the other hand is harder to read. He’s always smiling unless he’s caught off guard. His smiles change depending on the situation, but only by a small amount. The easiest way she saw to get any understanding of how he was really feeling was through his eyes. 

  Brandy had insisted her husband go with them to save his brother and she was extremely glad she did. When they had all come back after they had rescued Floyd she got to observe John Dory more. She was honestly expecting a troll who didn’t care about others, who only wanted what he wanted and nothing else. That’s what she was prepared for.

 What she wasn’t prepared for was how fake his happiness was. How fake his “I’m okay” and “ ha! Of course I’m doing great!” Was. He might have been smiling, he might have had all his brothers fooled, but she could tell he was hurting and upset just by making eye contact with him. Eye contact he never held when he looked at her for more than a few seconds. 

  He was hurting, just by being around his brothers he was in emotional pain. He never said anything. He just took everything they said about him and didn’t correct them. She had tried to talk to Bruce, get him to talk to John because she knew he needed it. He didn’t want to so she wasn’t going to force him. She was going to try to talk to John herself though. 

  “Brandy!” Her focus turns to the front of the restaurant where she sees five trolls headed in, she didn’t see John Dory anywhere. Was that younger troll grey? What happened?

 “Daddy!”

“Your home !”

“Daddy daddy!”

All her children ran towards the front quickly blocking the trolls from view. She waits patiently for Bruce to get to her, watching as he sends Clay and the new grey troll too her. As they get closer she sees the young troll has an egg, and shockingly a long slim tail that is dragging limp on the floor behind them.

 Clay stops just in front of her, paw clasped over the young trolls own. He doesn’t look very happy, “ hello Brandy.”

She rests her head on her hand looking at him as she leans on the counter. “ hello Clay, who’s this you’ve brought? I thought you were bringing John?”

 His expression falls, he suddenly looks very distraught. Worry grows in her chest, what happened to John?

 “This is John Brandy.” Lifting his paw that’s clasped with, who he says is, John’s. 

  Stumped she looks at the young troll in front of her. Ears down turned, grey, holding a bright pink and purple egg, long thin tail covered in fur, and most heartbreaking of all he seems to be spacing out. His eyes are empty when she looks in them, trying to glean anything of what he’s feeling from them. She moves to pick them up so she can be closer to them, wanting to reassure herself that this is real. 

  Right when her hand gets to them John moves suddenly to be in front of Clay, puffing his hair out but not making a noise. He’s just standing, watching her with those eyes that aren’t seeing anything. Pausing brandy watches as Clay gently, so gently it’s almost painful to witness, moves John onto her palm reassuring him the whole time that everything is okay; Brandy’s not a threat, he promises. 

  “What happened Clay?” What he tells her hurts her heart. She listens to it all, waiting for him to say he’s joking. He doesn’t. 

 She sends Clay off to go play with her children and his brothers while she spends time with John. He goes reluctantly, but at least he goes. 

  John sits on her palm holding the egg and just waiting. What he’s waiting for she doesn’t know but she decides to start cooking something for her brothers in law so they can have food after their journey. She carefully sets John up on her head where he instinctively holds onto her hair, Gripping some strands with his tail and paws. It’s always a weird feeling for her to put any of her kids or sometimes, when he’s sick, her husband on her head. It’s apparently a very comforting thing for trolls.

    She goes through the motions of making some small burgers and small milk shakes. Small food is not as hard as it used to be to make. After all she’s been married to Bruce for fifteen years, she’s made him food before. When she goes to garnish the shakes with a small mint leaf she’s stopped by John making a disapproving noise. 

  It’s the first sound he’s made to her the whole time. “You don’t want me to add the mint?”

 John hums before speaking up in a broken sentence. “ Floyd… is allergic to… mint.”

  That’s good to know. She immediately puts the mint away and washes her hands before cleaning the counter where she had set the mint before and discarding the shake she had touched the glass of. Some other customer would want it. She washes her hands again after touching the glass and makes another shake. How allergic is he? She quickly shakes that thought away, it doesn’t matter how allergic he is. When he’s here all mint gets banished from use. 

  Once the food is ready she takes it to the troll sized food area and sets John down on a small pillow next to the table. She sets the food up and goes to get the others.

~~~

  This is something he’s never thought he would be doing before. Helping John eat is an easy but very nostalgic experience for Floyd. John would help him when he was younger and had problems with eating food because he would often get nauseous. It turns out their grandma loved using mint which John found out made him sick. After finding that out John would make the food for them himself. 

  Floyd had gotten so used to getting sick when eating that he just began to avoid food in general. He was suffering for it and was getting weaker, he was getting even worse the longer he avoided food. It got to the point John would have to sit with him and feed him to get him to eat. Once the issue was found out, and the mint was banned from the pod, having John help him through the arduous task of eating became less and less necessary. 

  Now years later having to help John with his own food was something he was happy to do. He would be there for John like how John was there for him. Floyd doesn’t have as much of a vendetta against his older brother. Stuff was said, things done, and then everyone leaving . Floyd knows it wasn’t just one trolls fault that they left each other. The only one who, in the end, never left was branch. He was left behind. 

  Floyd has a lot of feelings with his part in leaving, his part in breaking his family. A lot of them aren’t great. He’s trying to make it up to branch but he knows he never fully will. You can’t break someone’s trust as bad as he had and expect the same relationship at the end. He shakes those thoughts loose as he continues to help John.

  John’s new tail, (and isn’t that a weird  thought, the only ones with a tail are the country trolls, and maybe the techno trolls…. He’s not sure about that) seems to want to do stuff on its own but lacks the motivation to do so. Sometimes it will twitch like it wants to move but it won’t. Is that because of the state John is in? He won’t know the answer to that until John gets better. Hopefully soon. 

  The reason he’s noticing his tail more now is because it’s resting on his lap, trying to curl around his arm as he hold John’s food bowl. It’s not annoying him or anything, it’s kinda nice to see that John wants to comfort him. Even if it’s not a conscious move on John’s part. 

 “Daddy?” One of Bruce’s kids, Freddy maybe, gets Bruce’s attention from a few paces in front of Floyd. 

 “Yes Freddy?”

 “Why is uncle John like that? It’s scary that he’s all grey. Is he sad?”

Bruce stiffened very minutely and Clay started to scowl. Floyd paused for half a second then continued to feed John. 

 “ he is sad yes, but he will get better. Why do you think it’s scary though Freddy?” Bruce was calm as he was talking to his child. Floyd admired that about his older brother. He explained things instead of getting angry with his children first. 

  When John refuses the next bite of food Floyd offers him, he doesn’t push. He sets the bowl down next to himself as Freddy explains why it’s scary.

 “ it’s making me feel sad. I don’t know why I’m feeling sad and it’s scary. Is he going to be okay?”

 Now at this point all of Bruce’s other kids also look concerned. Freddy is Bruce’s fourth child so he’s one of the older ones at twelve, so a lot of the younger ones seem to be empathetic to what their older brother is feeling. 

 “ it’s okay to be sad Freddy,” branch is the one to speak up, hoping to ease his nephews fears. “ it shows you care. I think you’re feeling sad because someone close to you is hurting and that’s okay. You’re kind in that way Freddy. You care about how others are doing. John will be okay, we’re all going to help him, alright?”

 Freddy nods, his siblings join him and soon the normal chatter from the kids is back, if only a little quieter. 

 John stands up slowly, Floyd is concerned at first wondering what his brother is doing when he sees where he’s going. He gets up and follows John, cautiously waiting to see if his brother will need help. 

 When John reaches his nephew he gently pats the child’s hand, waiting for him to look at him. When Freddy does he’s surprised then extremely cautious as he hold his hands out for John. John climbs up then turns to Floyd and waved him over to join him, Floyd was surprised that John even knew he was there but he complied and joined John. 

  Once they were both on their nephews hands Freddy brought them closer to his chest so they could be more stable and not fall. John then put Rhonda’s egg in his hair and spread his arms across his nephews front in a hug. Floyd felt tears gather in his eyes and he joined John. John was trying to comfort his nephew because he was sad. 

 The tears rolled down his face as he held his brother and nephew in the best hug he could at the moment. 

~~~

  His babies, his pour babies..

 Why did he have to fail? 

 His fault. It’s hiS fAulT. 

He’s a coward He-

Is that mint? Mint… there can’t be mint…

Who is this? This creature holding him? No mint, Floyd’s alergic. no. 

 Where’s his children? His brothers? His children brothers? 

 What’s in his paws? An egg? Where’d it come from? 

 His fault….. 

 …fault…. Gone… who’s gone? 

 Where’s his brothers?….. 

 Oh, food… okay… 

 Someone’s sad.. who’s sad? 

Who’s here? Oh it’s his brothers!

 There here! There okay!

 Wait… no.. it’s other brothers. 

Wrong

Wrong

WroNg  

 Wait.. no.. he is with his brothers just different brothers. He’s with his brothers. He needs to wake up and talk to them. He needs to be there for them.

 But… it’s his fault his kids, his brothers, his life had to be given away… to a better John.. 

 He can be better! He can . He.. can.. 

 What can he do? 

It’s his fault…. His fault….

Not his brothers… yes? No. …yes?