Chapter Text
Mulder started to get fidgety by the second hour of the drive back to Washington, as often happened when the way home was not long enough to justify a plane ride, but still far enough to be a bit too long for comfort. Scully herself was quite tired, ready to go home and type out a case report before finally allowing herself to rest.
“How much longer until we get there?” She asked, resting one of her elbows on the windshield and leaning her head on her hand. It had rained a couple of hours ago, and the road ahead was reflecting the light from the lampposts in such a way that made the view quite scenic.
Mulder drummed his fingers against the steering wheel a few times before turning to her with a mischievous smile usually reserved for the times he wanted to annoy Scully- in a friendly manner, of course. The way she rolled her eyes was always highly amusing to him.
“Why, Scully? Are you in a rush to get back home?” He tilted his head a bit towards her before turning his gaze back to the road ahead of them, blessedly empty at such an ungodly hour. “Do you have a date or something?”
He did this, sometimes. Question if she was seeing anyone; his tone always light and good-natured, but his eyes never quite looking into hers, the twitch in his jaw almost imperceptible. Scully liked to think Mulder did this out of simple curiosity, or maybe just because his idea of bonding was through cracking jokes. Either way, she tried her best not to dwell too much on the subject.
“You know I don’t.”
“Do I?” He kept an easy smile on his face even if Scully couldn’t see him, with the night being quite dark and him facing forward. Still, it was hard to miss the way his shoulders relaxed.
“I would tell you if I had a date, Mulder. We’re partners.” She turned her head back towards the window, watching the outlines of the trees lining the road against the dark sky. “Besides, I’ve given up on that notion.”
Usually, Scully was not one to open up like this- not if she could help it. But something about this particular night was making her feel almost raw, eager for some semblance of acknowledgment of her feelings. Maybe it was the way Mulder had placed his hand on her arm, suggesting that they stop at a nice restaurant to get some real food before hitting the road. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was two in the morning, and the weather was so nice after the rain, and everything felt just surreal enough that it didn’t matter all that much.
It certainly didn’t have anything to do with the fact that her partner kept occasionally looking her way and shooting her tiny smiles every few minutes, which were clearly attempts to make sure she was feeling fine, but in truth made Scully feel like someone was squeezing her heart every time she saw them.
“You mean you’ve… given up on the notion of what, exactly? Love?” Mulder glanced sideways at her, seeming genuinely alarmed.
“No, not love. Just… I think I’ve given up on having a conventional relationship. I think it’s not for me. Especially considering the work that we do.” She said the last part in a lower tone, shrinking back into her seat.
“Gee, Scully. That’s bleak.” It sounded like something he would say, in fact.
“It’s not bleak , it’s just- I don’t know, resigned.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe when you’ve seen as much as we have, you stop believing in the best of human nature. That’s just something that I’ve been thinking about lately. It’s not that serious.” She wanted, very badly, to tell him the full extent of her fears. If anyone on this planet could understand, it would be him. But she couldn’t make herself do it, somehow. The price to pay for it would be too dear.
Mulder took a deep breath. This didn’t sound like the Scully he knew, the Scully that fantasized about a life outside the confines of her job, at all. Had something happened tonight that made her change her mind? He hadn’t noticed anything different. Maybe it was just the fatigue settling deep into her bones, as was often the case when they spent a particularly long time pursuing a difficult case.
Sparing a glance in her direction, Mulder could see that the expression on Scully’s face indicated she regretted what was said. She didn’t mean to dampen the mood, and he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Changing the subject would be a good idea- but not too drastic a change, of course. That wouldn’t be very smooth of him.
Here goes nothing , Mulder thought.
“What, you don’t think that with all the things we’ve seen so far, the red string of fate isn’t real? That it’s out there for you?” He tried his best to sound nonchalant, as if this was just another one of his regular conspiracy theories.
“Mulder, are you talking about that ancient Chinese proverb?”
“Yes. You know, the idea that the two people bound by the thread are destined to become lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. And-“
“And that the thread may stretch, or tangle, but it will never break. I know that.” Thank God it was dark, and he couldn’t see the slight blush creeping up Scully’s cheeks. “It is a very romantic saying and all. But you don’t honestly believe it, do you?”
It led me to you, he wanted to say. How else would we have met?
“ It might be true.” He hedged. “Nothing we’ve seen so far negates it.”
“Mulder, for that to be true, both souls and predestination would have to be real, and there is no concrete scientific evidence-“
“Yes, there is. You’ve seen it yourself, Scully.” Good, they were back to calmer waters. Back to their friendly banter, “How else would you explain some of these cases?”
“Unexplained scientific phenomena are a common occurrence, and most of the cases we’ve seen-”
“Come on, Scully. If most myths are based on real-life occurrences, then you have to admit that at least something about this specific theory might be grounded in reality.” There were a few beats of silence, with Mulder gripping the steering wheel with a bit more force than strictly necessary, and Scully staring blankly at her hands, which now lay folded in her lap. “You believe in God. Can’t you believe in fated souls?”
“Those are two very different things.” Her tone was a sharp warning. It was hard to explain the way her religion and her belief in science coexisted in her brain. Not even Scully herself knew exactly how it worked.
The way she spoke made Mulder back off immediately. He never meant to put her on the spot or to question the extent of her faith. This was all backfiring in unpredictable ways.
It started to rain again, much softer this time. A faint drizzle, looking almost like mist. There was a curve ahead, and Mulder made sure to turn on the blinker even if there wasn’t another car for miles. A sign by the road indicated they were getting near a rest stop, but it had been so thoroughly spray-painted that there was no real way of knowing how close it was. Scully wondered vaguely if she should ask them to stop there and take a breather.
“I think it’s real.” He said, eventually. Because it had to be real, at least for tonight. He had to make her understand, even if superficially, what he was trying to convey without words.
“Of course you do.” She mumbled, missing the point entirely. Mulder always believed in everything, which was almost akin to believing in nothing at all.
“You really don’t think, even for one moment, that it could have some validity to it?” It was hard to miss his exasperated sigh as he turned his face fully to look at her, but quickly had to turn back around to keep the car from going off their lane.
She didn’t. It wasn’t in her nature to think so. But she could see the strange look on his face, like this time it mattered that she agreed with him. This wasn’t like the times he made a quip about how the case they were investigating had probably been done by aliens, and she would roll her eyes while trying to hide a smile, saying it was probably something else. Wherever this conversation was going, her answers would matter more than she could possibly imagine.
“The people tied by the thread are destined to become lovers?” Scully inquired.
“That’s how the saying goes.” He kept his eyes forward, opting not to look at her again.
“Then I think it might be wrong. Not every soulmate has to be a romantic one.”
“That’s-”
“And frankly, more often than not you might find yourself tied to the wrong person.”
He almost stepped on the brakes. What could Scully possibly mean by that?
“I’m sorry that the things we’ve seen have shaken your past beliefs, Scully, but you have to know that-“
“You know what? Just keep driving, Mulder.” She took great care in making sure her tone of voice had no heat in it. She wasn’t angry, there was just a lot in her mind. This conversation wasn’t going anywhere, especially not at two in the morning. “Forget I said anything.”
“How could I?” Mulder said under his breath, so low there was no way Scully could have heard him.