Work Text:
Monday: Practice.
Tuesday: Practice.
Wednesday: Practice.
Thursday: Qualification game. - WON
Friday: Practice.
Saturday: Practice.
Sunday: Practice, 1+ hour while the team goes to the cinema.
Kevin fumbled before he managed to hit the alarm on his phone and switch it off. He yawned and stretched. It was Sunday, but he still woke up at 6 AM to start his routine. He got up, made himself some eggs for breakfast and sat down in front of the laptop as he browsed the newest Exy news. The Dolphins had not qualified for the semi-finals, a last blow on an already bad year after they lost one of their best players to degrading health after an unfortunate spine injury. That had left the spot open for the Brawling Badgers, a relatively new team, to start making a name for themselves, though.
When he heard Neil Josten’s name, he quickly switched off the laptop before finding out what it was about, knowing a certain other name wasn’t going to be far behind, and he did not want to start off the day this way.
He got up and carried the dishes to the sink. Today would be a day like any other. He would go practice in the morning, then he’d, for a few seconds, consider his teammate’s invitation to go to the movies with them tonight after afternoon practice, before not so politely saying no thanks, and that they should consider focusing on the game instead as well. They had a tough game coming up, and they should be ready for anything.
After that he’d go to Sweetie’s to eat lunch, then back to practice in the afternoon, staying longer than the rest of his team to lay out the last drills. Finally, he’d return to his apartment and maybe watch a movie on his own before going to bed, getting ready for his weekly schedule to restart.
It wasn’t the most exciting, but it kept him occupied and functional. If he couldn’t trust himself, at least he could trust a routine.
He got dressed and grabbed his key on his way out, dragging his jacket and the heavy duffel bag over his shoulders, before he headed to the stadium.
Practice came and practice went. He always felt alive on the court, nothing could touch him there with exception of one thing. Fortunately, after he’d gone pro and picked a team that there coincidentally were no Foxes at, that was no longer an issue with which he had to fight, and he could not focus only on the things that mattered, which had always been Exy. Besides, the new team was located in a familiar area, so all the better.
Sweeties’ had changed both ownership and name, but Kevin didn’t bother remembering the new one, even if he came here every day. He preferred when things stayed the way he was used to. Change, more often than not, tended to screw him over, rather than provide anything worthwhile.
He usually sat down at the same booth they used to frequent. He was the only one that did these days, and for that he was thankful that there was a new owner who didn’t know him from back in the day. Eating alone at the same restaurant all your friends used to eat at was not the most flattering sight, though he was quite sure at least some of the longer standing patrons had caught on. He’d collected himself a nice plate from the buffet, but took no crackers. He wasn’t even sure if they still served cracker dust, but even if they did, Kevin wasn’t planning on playing around with it. Without his old friend group his interest in the partying had gone down as well, typically aiming for a bottle at home instead, that he could sleep off before the morning came.
When he took the walk of self-imposed shame towards the usual table he halted in his movements at the sight of too familiar blond hair. He had to force his legs into motion before he approached the table. Andrew looked up when he got closer and signaled to the seat across from him with a head tilt that Kevin found very hard to go against, another habitual action. He put his plate down and sat, noticing that Andrew hadn’t picked any food. He must be here for Kevin then.
A thousand things went through Kevin’s mind and somehow he couldn’t settle on a single one. Kevin had gone over countless scenarios in his mind, mentally documenting exactly how everything would go down, every word, every gesture, every feeling that would run its course through his body when he finally stood face to face with Andrew again. None of the scenarios had prepared him for the possibility of being unable to say anything at all. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, trying to will his clogged up throat into producing any sound.
“Day,” Andrew said, when he’d had enough of his old teammate trying to communicate more like a dead fish than a human. “You’re looking ridiculous.”
That helped.
“Shut up.” Kevin hissed. Andrew didn’t look moved, but then again he never did. Kevin took in the sight of him. It had been a few years since they’d seen each other but Andrew had barely changed at all. Same armbands, similar black shirt, same bored expression as he sat leaned back with his arms folded. Kevin’s heart stung. “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”
He didn’t dare hope. He wouldn’t allow himself to get hurt.
“Coach called us,” Andrew said. “Said you’d been acting real funny last time you were visiting.”
It did hurt. Andrew was here because he’d been asked to. Kevin knew, and it still hurt.
He was still trying to forget that last visit at Wymack’s. He’d ended up drinking while they were watching some old games, it was first time in forever Kevin had let himself engage in anything that reminded him about his old team, naively thinking that he’d healed enough to start unpacking whatever laid below his skin. He’d been wrong. Wymack had ended up holding him while Kevin sobbed his heart out, refusing to tell him what was wrong. Despite the alcohol, Wymack was still none the wiser by the end of the night. Apparently, he had thought enlisting Andrew would be the best course of action.
Kevin swallowed hard.
“What about it?” he asked, trying to school his voice into something resembling calm again. He didn’t do a good job.
“What’s up with you? New teammates bullying you?” Andrew asked. “Are they not doing their drills according to the Exy Queen’s standard.”
Kevin clenched his fist. He knew Andrew wasn't the most socially aware person, or rather, he didn’t care about presenting himself well, but the words cut into his chest, threatening to reach his heart. How could he not see it? How could no one see how much Kevin was hurting?
“I don’t have all day, so cough it up.” Andrew continued, paying no mind to Kevin’s expression souring by the second.
“You!” Kevin finally snapped, and continued when Andrew raised a questioning eyebrow. “You’re what’s up. Fuck.”
“Well that’s interesting, I’m usually what’s down.”
More deflection. More pain.
“Would you have put your hands on him if I had been taken? Would you have choked him out in desperation to find out where I was?” Kevin asked, laying out hard with the question that had been bothering him for over half a decade by now. The lack of response was all the answers he could need, and he pushed himself up from the table. “Thought so.”
“You’re being dramatic, Day, you sho-“ Andrew started.
“Stop-“ Kevin broke him off, hissing out the words. “- calling me ‘Day’ like I’m just a stranger.”
Andrew was silent for longer that time, watching Kevin who still stood halfway between getting up or sitting back down.
“You can’t blame me for falling for Neil. What you and I had wasn’t official.” Andrew said finally.
“But I can damn well blame you for turning your back on me completely when someone else showed up,” Kevin countered. His voice had calmed a bit down again, but the fury still lingered right beneath his skin, ready to erupt once more. “You broke your promise.”
Kevin felt gleefully accomplished when he saw something shift inside of Andrew. Finally a bit of emotion. Finally a soft spot between the armor plates to dig his knife through. He knew it was a low blow, it had been outside of Andrew’s ability, Kevin had never blamed him for it, but Kevin was angry and in war anything counted.
“Don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong in it, either.” Kevin said. “Neil is the one that kept me safe in the end, not you.”
“That should settle it then, shouldn’t it?” Andrew asked, doing remarkably well in hiding the emotion from his voice, but Kevin knew. Kevin could hear it in the slight upturn of his voice when he said ‘settle’.
“It should, if that’s what it had been about.” Kevin said. “Did it ever matter to you? What we had.”
Andrew leaned back as he observed Kevin. “Could have, but you didn’t really want that.”
“Don’t tell me what I want!” Kevin shouted, loud enough that other guests started peering over at the charade, but Kevin did not care. Let them know, hopefully they could get some cheap entertainment and something good could come out of this. Regardless, he still lowered his voice before he spoke again. “I needed you.”
Andrew was completely unphased this time, closing off again.
“Whatever you fell in love with was the medicine’s doing.” Andrew said. “Small, aggressive, a grin never far away. Reminds you a bit of someone?”
It was Kevin’s turn to stay quiet.
“You didn’t need me, you needed someone to take whatever empty spot was left beside you after you ran away from him, like a dog who only dares bark when their leash is held.”
“And you never thought of saying something instead of just,” his voice broke “-Just leaving?”
“I didn’t leave, Kevin. We just moved away, everyone did except for you.”
“Don’t give me that shit, I don’t even know your new phone number but Wymack apparently does.”
“It was easier this way, Day. If I hadn’t-”
“For you.” Kevin broke him off. “You don’t get to act like you did this for me.”
Andrew rose from the chair, Kevin following him with a hard gaze. He reached up to pat Kevin on the shoulder as he made his way past him. “I’m not your answer Kevin, so stop looking for it in me.”
Kevin tensed under the touch, but did not move, listening to the steps going away. The bell rang as the door opened, then chimed again when it shut behind his old teammate and friend.
Kevin pushed the door closed to his apartment, all today’s energy and heightened emotions ebbing out of him, and it was only noon. Andrew’s words still rang loud in his mind. Beyond the pain there was truth. Kevin had felt the issues begin to arise the moment Andrew had been taken off his pills. But Andrew had ripped the opportunity away before Kevin had even been given the proper chance to fall for this new version, taking steps to distance himself even when they were still at Palmetto. Even after Andrew had turned his attention towards Neil, even when Kevin could feel him pull away, Andrew had been his best friend. But Andrew wasn’t his, had never been his, had always only been for rent while he was around and even then the terms had been restrictive. Today proved that.
He threw off his jacket not bothering to hang it up and went to lay down on the mattress to curl in on himself. He’d called out of practice, something that happened so rarely that it was never challenged by his teammates, just accepted with a ‘keep us updated!’ because they assumed a terrible illness must have befallen him. Maybe one had - His chest felt tight and painful.
Today he will rest. He would seethe, he would scream out his anger, he might even let himself cry. Tomorrow, he’d pick up his racquet and continue like he had every day, Andrew by his side or not.
He blinked awake when his phone buzzed, expecting to be a text from his coach.
Unknown number - 14:36
[ I would have. If you’d been taken, if I knew Neil had information that could somehow help me get to you, I would have done the same. ]
Unknown number - 14:38
[ Whatever, here’s my number ]