Chapter Text
Dazai was starting to slip into a deep depression. His friends were busy with studying for their midterms and carrying out their next job as a gang. Dazai was feeling pretty proud of his subordinates, but he was also starting to feel a bit empty and alone.
Days, and then a week went by and he felt like he had hardly talked to Blaise or the twins or even Draco. Everyone was so busy lately. Thinking about it to himself, he let out a sad sigh.
‘Being alone isn’t anything new, especially for me… so why do I feel so…-?’ He thought to himself. No, he wasn’t having feelings! Feelings were gross! Him and Blaise agreed on that fact! So why is he starting to feel all of a sudden? Mori would be very disappointed in him.
Mori’s words echoed in his head. “You know attachments like that have no place within the port mafia.”
He had figured out Lucius’ test, so there really wasn’t much left for him to do. Hermoine suggested studying with them, but what was the point if Dazai was just going to leave his tests blank anyways?
-
It was happening yet again…
Dazai was being held in place by 2 slytherin upperclassmen Henry and Caleb while several others in their group surrounded them and watched.
This wasn’t the first time Dazai had been cornered and bullied. There was that one time when Pansy and her gang surrounded him. There was also the rock incident with Millie and Tracey.
This situation, however, ended up going much farther than those other incidents did. This wasn’t a bruise Dazai could cover with make up, and it wasn’t a cut to his face that he could easily pass off as a clumsy moment. No… this was when one of his worst fears came true.
“What are you hiding under those bandages of yours? Seems like we will finally find out!” Edward said with a smirk.
The mystery of Dazai’s bandages had been a hot topic working its way around their school recently.
“Do you think he’s hiding his demon markings?” One student gossiped some weeks ago.
“Or maybe he’s actually a biological girl who is using the bandages to bind his chest and appear more like a boy.” Another student interjected.
Dazai heard the gossip in passing, but shrugged it off. Lucius’ test took priority over pointless school rumors such as these.
Dazai tried shaking the Slytherins off of him. He looked around in hopes that someone would stumble upon their group in the empty hallway- like that one time when Gemma stopped the assault after it had just begun. He was feeling desperate, squirming around trying to break free.
Blaise and Draco were busy studying for midterms with Ron and Hermoine in the Gang’s office. The twins were busy stealing one of the test answer keys for them to sell. Dazai was all alone in this one.
Edward, Henry and Caleb took off his cloak and undid his shirt. He struggled to get away but it was impossible. They were too strong for him and his gang was nowhere in sight. Once they reached bandages, they started peeling them off.
Dazai watched horror appear on the slytherins’ faces. He tensed at their expressions. Their mouths dropped open in a gape.
“What? Is all of that-“ Edward started.
“Scars? Self harm? Or…” Henry chimed in.
“Guys! A professor is coming this way! We have to go!” Matthew, their lookout, ran over and whispered loudly.
The group of 10 slytherins quickly ran down the other end of the hallway, leaving Dazai alone.
‘They actually saw…’ he thought to himself in horror. He quickly put on his robe and hurried away.
-
As he briskly walked down the halls, he could feel the eyes of the other students on him- “demon student!” “Fear!” “Don’t hurt me!” Their eyes said.
Dazai was heading to the common rooms to grab his extra knife he brought with him this year since he gave Blaise his other knife. He would cut his wrist open and that would make him calm down enough to think through the situation rationally-
“Dazai? What’s wrong?” He heard Blaise ask. He whirled around on his feet to see Blaise and Draco staring at him with that concern in their eyes.
“Ah, I forgot something in the common rooms. Save me a seat at dinner?” He plastered on a fake grin.
“Dazai, if something is wrong, you can tell me.” Blaise could tell when Dazai held a fake smile on his face. That was one of the things that made Blaise such an interesting guy.
“I’ll tell you about it at dinner.” Dazai lied.
Draco had walked about 6 feet away from them. Even though his back was towards them, he could still hear what they were saying. Blaise watched Dazai for a moment before letting out a loud sigh.
“Fine. Don’t be too late, friend.” He finished before turning to walk away and towards the cafeteria. Seeing Blaise’s complete trust in Dazai always made his heart feel warm… so why was he feeling cold and guilty about it now?
As he turned on his heel and started back towards the rooms, he heard a gasp by other students around him.
“Eww, scars? How do you think he got those?”
He froze in place.
Not only did those slytherins see his scars, but the rumor was spreading quickly. Several pairs of eyes stared at him with that confused expression.
Dazai didn’t like anyone seeing his scars, not even Madam Pomfrey. Snape had been breathing down his neck about them too, but he still wasn’t comfortable confiding in him.
Hell, not even Blaise had seen his scars!
Dazai felt his whole body go numb. His fight or flight kicked in and he briskly walked to the common room. Thanks to dinner time starting, it was empty. He grabbed his knife and headed outside of the school. Thankfully he still remembered that side door Ron had shown him the previous year when they had spied on Quirrel.
The air was freezing, but that didn’t matter to Dazai. He found a secluded spot and started slashing his arm open.
Slash after slash, his mind cleared up after a few minutes.
He leaned his head back onto the tree behind him and closed his eyes. He breathed in the cold air and came to a conclusion.
“I’m done.” He muttered, emptily.
He was done with everything. He was done being hurt. He was done with the rumors and the threatening presence of everyone around him. He was done being on high alert because you never know when someone would pounce on him and hurt him next. People had seen his scars and that filled him with enough dread to last 10 lifetimes.
He was tired of it all. Professor Snape had made Hogwarts seem like a safe place, but it was just the opposite.
A professor strangled him and tried killing him. Students held him down and hurt him.
Dazai’s thoughts on the first day back to school had been correct. ‘This place is really starting to feel like home.’ He remembered thinking with a grimace.
“If I were to die today, Mori wouldn’t be here to stop me.” An empty smile quirked onto his face.
-
‘What is taking Dazai so long?’ Blaise thought to himself. They had been sitting down at the slytherin table for 20 minutes now. Blaise was in his and Dazai’s usual corner of the table while Draco was sitting around other slytherins as they chatted. Blaise glanced over at Draco and noticed he looked worried as well.
“Draco? Earth to Draco?! Hello!!!” Pansy exclaimed right in his face.
“What- Oh, what’s up pansy?”
“You were spacing out! What were you thinking so hard about?”
“I was thinking about the fact that I’m going to do really well on these exams! I’ve been studying a lot.”
“Oh really? We should study together sometime.”
“Yeah… sure.”
Blaise watched the exchange between them across the table. He doubted that was what Draco was so deep in thought about.
The doors to the cafeteria flew open with a loud bang!
Every eye in the room jolted over to Hagrid standing in the doorway with a desperate look on his face. Dazai was laying limp in his arms. Snape jumped to his feet from the professors’ table.
“What happened? Mr. Dazai?!” Snape ran over to Hagrid and Dazai with Madam Pomfrey right on his heels. She felt for a pulse, but there wasn’t one.
“I found him hanging from a tree. A rope tied around his neck.” Hagrid sputtered.
“Set him on the ground and I’ll start CPR right away!” Madam Pomfrey pleaded. She had been taking muggle medical practice classes to help benefit Dazai in any way she could. Hagrid quickly nodded and set Dazai on the ground.
“Dazai!” Blaise ran over and fell to his knees on dazai’s other side. Hermoine, the twins, and Ron all proceeded to run over as well. Only Draco still sat at the table, looking bewildered.
Madam Pomfrey had begun CPR and his friends watched in horror as she pumped on his chest as hard as she could (seeing as he’s a child).
Blaise’s whole body started shaking. “No…” he muttered while tears welled up in his eyes.
Hearing this, the others in their gang started to tear up as well. Hermione was the first to start loudly sobbing. Ron held her against his chest while he set his chin on her head. He was also shaking and crying.
The twins moved to sit behind Dazai’s head. Both of them were crying and saying things like “you got this Dazai!” “Don’t give up!”
Blaise tucked his head down and the sobbing started. At this, Draco ran over from the table he was sitting at, he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Blaise. At this moment, he didn’t care about the Malfoy reputation. All he cared about were his friends. Blaise crying into his shoulder caused him to start crying as well.
A few more minutes went by and Madam Pomfrey was still doing CPR, but there was no change in Dazai’s condition. He was dead with the most peaceful look on his face.
Once she was completely out of breath, she looked up at Snape. “I’m sorry Severus… he’s gone.”
This broke Snape.
Severus Snape didn't play favorites. There was a simple balance Severus had found between caring for his snakes and not knowing a thing about them. It was a careful division between "I'll do what I can to help you succeed" and "if I know your favorite food, I've gotten too attached." Dazai Osamu's favorite food was crab, and Snape had gotten too attached.
He felt the tears streaming down his face and sensed them hitting the floor below him. He grabbed his problem child up into his arms and held him tight. There was such a thick weight on his chest, he struggled to even breathe.
He was never able to hold Dazai in his arms before. The boy was scared of adults touching him and Snape knew that better than anyone. The memory of Dazai flinching from him in the dungeon always weighed on his mind- the boy was expecting to be hit which made Snape feel sick to his stomach. But this time is different, because the boy not only wasn’t conscious, but he was no longer alive.
The other students and professors had gotten up from their tables and surrounded them at some point, Snape hadn’t paid them any attention. His whole focus was on his problem child.
“Why? Someone please tell me this isn’t real!” Blaise sobbed onto Draco’s shoulder.
“The demon… is he really dead…” Pansy started, sounding out of breath, like she didn’t know what to think about this situation. She should be feeling relieved. She should be celebrating and jumping for joy. But her feelings betrayed her completely because she was feeling sick to her stomach. She was secretly hoping it was a cruel prank so she could point at the boy and say “of course demons don’t die!” But the longer she stared, the more the vision of his still body burned in the back of her skull. He didn’t look like a demon right now, he only looked like a little boy who had ended his own life.
She looked to the other students for reassurance, but they wore the same looks on their faces. “This isn’t right…” their expressions spoke for them.
Her eyes caught Matthew, Edward, Henry, and Caleb looking at his dead body in complete horror. They turned to each other and anxiously started whispering among themselves.
Dazai Osamu had finally successfully ended his life, he did however leave behind a group of people who were devastated and broken about the situation.