Chapter Text
Scene before the City Hall at Montgomery, Alabama. Enter Ed; to him the Preacher, and towns EddieFam.
Ed:
Kids, you younguns of Montgomery of the past. What do you mean? Sittin’ in city hall. Y’all up on your high horse here, with ya smartphones and ya’ talkin’ fridges tryin’ to put me on the interwebs in case I make a fool of myself. While the whole city smells like the church during a funeral. I ain’t fit to find out from your mama’s church group scuttlebuttin’ around why this place has fallen apart. So I myself came down here to see what all the fuss was about. And you? Old man, since you decided to speak for the EddieFam, do you find me acceptable? Huh? I came down here to help y’all are you gonna accept?
Preacher:
Ed, my country’s gov’na, you see every generation that lives around here, and you know we pray with wokeness, everybody from boomers with lots of practice, to gen z who are mere babies in their prayer. Myself, a preacher of Elvis, and the rest of our youth who are sittin’ all the same, in the mall; near the statue of George Washington and the twin shrine of Dolly Parton. And the city works hard, day and night, trying to fight off the haters. Haters in the form of Giardia, striking the EddieFam down with tummy aches. And Locusts killing the crops and making the land barren. As well as Possums, the silly little guys spreading disease and bringing misfortune wherever they go. And you who has that dawg in him, and saved the town from the giant alligator who was trolling. You saved us without even trying, you are the GOAT, and we are not worthy to sit in your Alpha presence. But now Ed my pookie bookie nookie cutie patootie my snuggie snugglufagus wumby dumby baby cakes sugar bootie boo boo kitten whiskers cherry muffin princess cookie tush, we call upon you to pull off an epic gamer move and clutch this next round. So please, take mercy, and save us again. Build this city into an immovable object and make us forget that we were once a broke ass city. Ed, you have clutched up before, and we ask you to bring us a “W” again. You must take charge and be a true girlboss as you rule.
Ed and Preacher fist bump cooly
Ed:
Oh, you poor, poor, EddieFam, who are riding the struggle bus. I understand that you are upset with the bugs, and your tummies hurt. I know! For I feel it too. I am not cappin when I tell you that every time another of you falls ill I can feel it in my heart. I didn’t sleep well until I sent my own brother-in-law, Crayon, to the WHO office in Georgia, he should be back by now, but he is late and I am anxiously waiting for his return. When he does come and he says I have not done all that the WHO says to do, I will feel bad.
Preacher:
Slay! EddieFam tell me Crayon is on his way now.
Ed:
Ah, wonderful! I hope the WHO gave him good news and tells us how to fix this.
Preacher:
I think he comes with good news! Otherwise, he would bring in bad vibes, then we'd need to burn incense
Ed:
Oop, guess we'll find out soon. I can hear his footsteps from down the hall.
Enter Crayon, attended.
Ed:
Hey bestie!
What tea did the WHO have to spill?
Crayon:
Slay! Well, maybe not but I believe that we can figure this out.
Ed:
Be for real
Crayon:
If you want me to tell you while everybody’s here I will, but i do suggest finding a more private place.
Ed:
You can tell everyone, they can hear what I have to do to fix this.
Crayon:
The WHO told me that to fix our city you must purge the city of a specific hater.
Ed:
Purge?! Erm, that sounds a little sus.
Crayon:
The hater must be canceled or killed. Blood for blood. Your weak ass is why we lacking right now.
Ed:
Who?
Crayon:
Well, gov’na. The last man who was the last slay queen, Larry. Do I need to catch you up on the tea?
Ed:
I've heard of him, but never met the queen though.
Crayon:
Well, he’s obviously not slaying anymore. Rip. The guy who killed him was so not girlboss, so we have to find him.
Ed:
Okay. Where are these gamers. Let's leak their IP address.
Crayon:
Somewhere around here. If we look for them we can find them. If we don’t look we can never find them.
Ed:
Where did Larry die?
Crayon:
He said he was going on a quest and then never came back.
Ed:
Pop off.
Crayon:
Everyone died but one. He ran away and only had one thing to say about it.
Ed:
Slay!
Crayon:
He said it was robbers who killed Larry. A bunch of robbers not a single man.
Ed:
Those gamers were just jelly of Larry's slaying abilities.
Crayon:
Probably. But once Larry was dead, no one was helping us with our problem.
Ed:
What problem? Your leader was dead and you didn’t investigate? That's not very gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss of you.
Crayon:
The giant alligator! It was impossible to get past it so the murder trail went cold.
Ed:
Well, I will have the case opened again and when you insist on respecting the dead and bringing justice to Larry I am right there with you. Avenging this country, because it is not my homies problem, it is my problem. I shall fix our problems for the EddieFam. Whoever murdered this man, that wasn’t cool. Okay EddieFam, get off the floor, pick up your healing crystals, and slay. Gather the influencers. Post it on your Instachat, your facesnap, and your yarn app. I will get this done lickity split and our city will be happy again.
Preacher:
Come EddieFam, let’s go we came, we saw, we slayed. We found out. Peace.
Enter Choir as Chorus
Choir:
What s’ God spewin’?
Delphi in drip or down yonder?
Who is tha real one fo’ Thebes, the crack-of-dawn city?
Lord have mercy I be tremblin’ with the fear they’re assemblin’
I rememb’r now, mighty dawg
Will y’ vibe-check us all?
Or tell us y’ just playin’
Holler t’ me, special man
I might jus’ pray to Athene, th’ serving daughter of Zeus
Or Artemis, why I declare, in all ‘er glory
An’ Apollo, man is baller
Don’t gatekeep yer’ holy powers an’ come down ‘ere
Our grief is givin’ gloom an’ doom
Mosey on down an’ bring us rest
In the olden days from th’ nice crib
Y’ stepped in when we were three sheets to th’ wind
This woe has no end!
No hoe fights off death with th’ brain
Our plains don’t bear no grain, dawg
An’ neither can no mothers
Our lives are in shambles
Like fire an’ sparks, bro
This sickness is rated E for everyone
It even targets th’ children
Ol’ ladies lie on the ground an’ cry hobble around
An’ they beg Phobos on god
Have mercy holy man!
We’re not doin’ friendly fire, an’ we cannot protect ourselves
When we said yolo, man, we didn’t mean it!
Send those foul beings into th’ water
Lord of thunder, Zeus, our enemy fell off
Smite him, put that fool on blast!
Phobos Apollo, strum some beats for us
Artemis, booger boo, race up our mountains and assist us, brah.
O Theban Bacchos bring forth th’ simps of Dionysus!
Ed:
Yer in prayer; but you sure ain’t helpless,
Listen ‘ere folks, if you ain’t bustin’ down,
Then hush yo’ mouth and I’ll tell you what-
There be a man in this here town who git done
Did murdered. I ain’t have a clue. But I shore oughta
Help any way I darn tootin’ can- shoot.
All y’all youngin’s and Caddies I reckon so,
Bes’ show yer ou’law who has a hankerin’ fer murder
This bandit gotta be best banish from our here presence
Ya’ll needn’t to entertain nor hide such fugitive
I simpli’ ask of the man to quit being ugly wit’ us
No bounty no killin nor harm, all’s asked is to have ‘im leave
A man who gone murder king Larry is undoubt’ely poor company
‘Suspect that this’ll rid the evil plaugin’ our good town
‘N by god an’ country, banishmen’ be swift and just
T’will see fit of this plan, knowin’ our good’ll be secure from his curse
Chester:
I hadn’ a clue to who killed Larry, nor am I foun’ guilty of it
‘Reckon askin’ Phoebus, who’ll surely answer, on god
Ed:
Botherin’ Phoebus will’nt bring to ligh’ our culprit
His judgen’ won’ be force to answer us men
Chester:
I recommenden’ an other option, if you be seekin’ truth
Ed:
By god, you needin’ to tell me now an’ more, if so
Chester:
‘Townsfolk o’ vision and nearly Phoebus secon’ cousin
He’ll spill the beans when asked, I’m assure of it
Ed:
Funny thin’, tha’ man
I’ve done already sen’ pleny o’ men toward him, by Crayon’s suggestin’
Findin’ it peculiar, the lack of him within my talkin range
Chester:
I ain’t haven a idea what to be doin nex’, if he be’gone
All besidin’ a few mumblin’s of Larry’s murderin’
Ed:
I ask you to be tellin me of said mumblin’s, I’m eager to listen
Chester:
‘Bandit’s killed Larry as’a highway robbers
Ed:
I've ‘eard, yet the bandit was agone, unseen
Chester:
I gotta feelin’ he ain’t liken the idea of showin himself, with tha’ curse and allat
Howeva’, I be suspectin’ the good man Tyron here gotta few words to share wit’ us
Enter Tyrone, led by a youngin’
Ed:
O’ Tyron, I’m itchin’ to hear your truth tellin’
Between heaven an’ the earth, you’ll surely know the scandalous culprit
Who gone and cursed our humblin’ good town here
You’re bein our last and on’y hope now
Curse at hand sicken’ us, ‘til the criminal be found dead or banish
If you've an ounce o’ good in yer soul, you’ll help save the city, you oughta
Tyrone:
Im scared o’ tellin ya, for your’s and I’s sake
Distraught by this here vision o’ mine, I willn’t tell
Ed:
How so? Why the disparity?
Tyrone:
I’m wantin’ to leave, digest such unfortunate news elsewhere
Bless me of this request, I ask
Ed:
Mad, you are
Backstabbin your own people, robbin people of their deservin release
‘Speakin unkindly to king and kin
Tyrone:
My word be best silen’, for I’s and yours sake
Only sufferin’ best come from my mouth
Ed:
You gotta be tellin’ me anythin’
Best be talkin’ in this drought o’ knowledge
Tyrone:
You’re unknowin’, thats best suited
I’m refusin’ to speak, f’your sake
Ed:
D’you seeken destruction of our people?
What’s damning yer mind? Speak, I ask
Tyrone:
I’m simply refusin, I cannot
The matters be too stressin to tell
I ask you t’be stoppin the search
Ed:
This double crossin snake’s betrayin his kind
How’d you become determined not speakin?
Tyrone:
By golly, you ain’t approve, but you ain’t see it’s
Yer own dang fault, yet you’s still found a gosh
Diddly-darn way to blame me.
Ed:
You’s telling me nobody taken offence when
All you do is dog on this gosh darn city.
Tyrone:
A storms a brewin’, I best judge of you
I speak no more, despite the anger you inflict
Ed:
Well shoot, ain’t I gon’ hear from you?
Tyrone:
I ain’t gotta talk no more.
Ed:
Well, if you weren’t blind to your own ruckus,
Just know that just cuz’ you blind, don’t mean
Yer any less innocent than I am, you raggedy
Lookin’ ahh.
Tyrone:
Oh really? I reckon you say you’s a man of yer word,
Hell, you even from the dang place and you’s still
Nothing but a bother to this gosh darn town. Shoot.
Ed:
You wildin’ like a mama possum in heat durin’ the middl’
Of July. Who in tarnation are you to decide who go free?
Tyrone:
Free? I’m freer than a bald eagle nesting in the middle of
A boreal forest. Through sweet baby Jesus, I have truth!
Ed:
Now, who gon’ ask you that?
Tyrone:
You! Yer the dang bugger who made me say it first.
Ed:
So be it! Say whateva’ the heck you want,
Why don’t you repeat it louder ‘fore I throw a tantrum.
Tyrone:
Boy, you ain’t understand me or what? You done messin’ with me?
Ed:
Well, I ain’t too sure, say it again why don’ ya?
Tyrone:
I say you went and did killed Larry, you done sought ‘em out.
Ed:
Well shoot, what yer sayin’ is complete and udder nonsense.
Tyrone:
I’ma fixin’ to get to the bottom of this, whether you like it or not!
Ed:
Yea, yea… you say whatever you want, however, you gon’ sound
Nuttier than a chipmunk storing up for winter.
Tyrone:
So what if I sound like a chatterbox? You still gon’ be standing
in yer lies and blind as all get out.
Ed:
Oh goodness gracious, here ya go with your jibber jabber!
Tyrone:
This jibber jabber gon’ prevail, you wait and see boy.
Ed:
Why you keep ‘ccusing me of shtuff you ain’t even seen. You
Blind as a bat old man.
Tyrone:
You bastard, you’ll get what’s coming ‘round if you keep
Dissin’ me like that.
Ed:
You ain’t hurt me, you’s just like everyone else, ain’t noone
Gon’ get me.
Tyrone:
Well, it sure as heck ain’t up to me… yer destiny up to the
Big Apple himself, he’ll butter your butt up and call ya a biscuit.
Ed:
You sayin’ all this BS cuz’ of Crayon or what?
Tyrone:
You’ll see it ain’t Crayon, but yer own dang self ong.
Ed:
Pffffft. You might envy my high and mighty status
But you’s beefin’ with me and I know Crayon, my own brother-in-law
Sought you out just to drive me away.
Besides, why you out here with your oracle ahh demandin’ I
Give up my innocence when ya coulda been using your wizardy powers
To help solve that dang Big Alligator’s riddle. But no, you waited til’
I showed up and saved yer people. Mighty convenient I’ll say.
You just feels guilty cuz’ Crayon wanna be king of all Alabama
And yet you can’t stand up for ya self. Y’all are just some nutjobs
Plotting conspiracy on my name.
Chester:
Well, maybe we should consider y’all are bit too furious. Pipe down so we can
Best interpret Sweet Baby Jesus’s oracle.
Tyrone:
You might be king of Montgomery and all but I ain’t your housemaid. I still
Follow the Big Apple, and not your liking
D’ya dare talk about m’ blind eyes, despite bein’ blind yerself?
You may see, yet are incapable of seein the truth
Yourself bein who’s bound to curse and land
Wailin’ and cryin’, you’ve noone to blame but yourself
Y’can curse at me an’ Crayon all y’want
In the end, its you who be cursed
Ed:
I beginnin to think you oughta best leave here now
Return home, you blind man
Hadn’t known you to be a simple fool
Tyrone:
Fool to ya, fooly of you
T’will be your fathers who’ll make wise of you
Ed:
What talk of fathers?
Tyrone:
Today’s gone birth and kill you
Ed:
Such obscurin’ riddles, I proclaim
Tyrone:
Riddles your speciality, yea?
I must leave now, come youngin, take me outta here
Ed:
No good here you are
I’ll enjoy the silence you bring
Tyrone:
I done my job of tellin truth
I ain’ scared of you, as evident by now
You got no power to kill a man like I
Who you be seekin this time, the murder of Larry
Is present now, a man who born elsewhere, began a-travelin’
A man who’s sons be brothers and wife be mother
Man who killed their father
Ponder now and long, I say
If there be doubt, call me no visionary
Choir:
The pebbles o’ prophecies been aware of the slayin’ of our king
Blud had fled, that coward, brah
Bro is a weight lifter, prolly prayin’ to Dolly Parton or his son or somethin’.
Brought his daddy’s leaps an’ thunder in anger (Lord.)
Them divas of vengeance are as fussy as a wet hen, an’ also sad
Holy Parnassos’ peak was so bright it blinded uh’ man.
An’ it shall hunt him down at high noon
An’ roam the woods like a bull in a china shop, kickin’ around an’ stuff
An’ may a vibe check strike him down
He cannot run, them gods will dog on him
But now a wilder thing s’ heard from th’ old man postin’ his experiences on FateBook
Crayon:
Can y’all believe it? This is a load of B.S.! Listen to Ed throwin' a hissy fit ‘bout somethin' I didn’t say. I won’t stand for this level of tomfoolery. Never in my life would I try to harm him. Yet he calls me a criminal!
Chester:
Bless his heart! He didn’t mean what he said, I’m sure.
Crayon:
Well my ears certainly haven’t gone out yet. That wack Tyrone is just talk’ n a bunch of baloney.
Chester:
Well he certainly said somethin, but I’m sure he wasn’t in the right mind…being blind
and all.
Crayon:
Are you sure that he wasn’t…ahem…nursing the bottle? Cross your heart that he wasn’t against me and my rep?
Chester:
Well I haven’t a clue what he meant, but you could ask him himself.
Enter Ed
Ed:
YOU! You’ve got some nerve coming here, trying to steal my crown. You must think I’m stupid or somethin. I ain’t some damn hillbilly. You think I wouldn’t notice your little plan the moment ‘ol Tyrone opened is cursed mouth! You think your broke ass with no friends can undermine the likes of me?
Crayon:
Your mama didn’t soap your mouth as much as she should’ve. How ‘bout I talk your ear off n’ you see how much it makes sense you scheme'n pigs brained son of a gun.
Ed:
Look here, you blabber’n your mouth so much, but I ’on’t hear a thing. Consider my trust for you broken.
Crayon:
Well, why don’t you use that one brain cell and listen to me!
Ed:
Why should I? Everythin' is your fault?
Crayon:
If you think your reasoning isn’t outright arrogance, then you should go back to third grade.
Ed:
Eeerm actually…… you're wrong. You can’t get away with betraying me, your own brother-in-law!
Crayon:
Don’t get your panties in a twist boy! I haven’t done anything to you.
Ed:
Did you not tell me to fetch ‘ol Tyrone?
Crayon:
Why, yes I did. And?
Ed:
Well, how long since Larry-
Crayon:
What? I ain’t no mind reader.
Ed:
–Died, dead, disappeared, murdered by violence?
Crayon:
It’s been forever and a day.
Ed:
And did Tyrone practice his seeing then?
Crayon:
Yes, he was just as revered.
Ed:
And by the end of my left foot, did he mention my name?
Crayon:
Well… not around me.
Ed:
What the heck happened? Haven’t y’all looked into his death yet?
Crayon:
Sure did, but nothin’ came of it.
Ed:
Then how is it that your old wiseacre ain’t said nothin' in the first place!
Crayon:
Beats me! I don’t know nothin’, so Imma keep my mouth shut!
Ed:
I know you know, and if you got any brains in yah, you'll spit it out.
Crayon:
If I knew, I would!
Ed:
That's cap! He wouldn’t say if he was plottin' with you!
Crayon:
If he did say it was you, then that was of his own mind. Now it’s my turn to ask the questions here.
Ed:
Throw ‘em at me, I ain’t no murderer!
Crayon:
You married my sister?
Ed:
Well duh.
Crayon:
And don’t you share equal charge of Alabama?
Ed:
Everything that’s mine is hers too.
Crayon:
So shouldn’t I be equal to you too?
Ed:
And you call yourself family!
Crayon:
Now hear me out. Why would I, a sane man, want the anxieties of being king? I ain’t never been no looney! The only thing I want is the same rights as you! Same as everyone. If I were king, I wouldn’t have no time for fishin! Why would I, in my right mind, ever want to be king? I’d have no life except to work! I’d have to be madder than a wet hen in order to want that. I am perfectly happy where I am, why would I want to add your stress to mine? If I am found guilty of schemin’ with Tyrone, then put me to death! Like I’d care! There is no evidence of me plotting against you because I haven’t done a damn thing! Then we’ll see who’s the real villain here.
Chester:
That’s a good point. We shouldn’t be too judgmental here.
Ed:
But it’s obvious he’s lyin'! I ain’t gonna take his B.S. and let him run his fat mouth!
Crayon:
So what? You gonna banish me?
Ed:
No, think bigger. I want you deader than a turkey on Thanksgivin’! Then everyone will see how much of a lying snake you are.
Crayon:
Oh, Sweet Baby Rays! Will you not believe me?
Ed:
How could I?
Crayon:
Then you’re just plain stupid.
Ed:
For trying to save myself?
Crayon:
When your ego fails you, remember me.
Ed:
You’re evil!
Crayon:
And what if you’re wrong?
Ed:
I’m still king.
Crayon:
Not if you rule badly enough.
Ed:
*gasps in mock surprise* NO! Not my sweet home Alabama!
Crayon:
Don’t forget it’s my home too.
Chester:
Now, now fellas. Let’s all calm down. Look! There’s Jo walkin' over here. Why don’t y’all settle this with her?
Enter Jo
Jo:
What in heaven's sake are y’all bickerin' about now? This state’s in shambles and here you two are squawking our ears off! I can’t believe I have to separate you two like I’m your mother! Ed, over here! Crayon, go home!
Crayon:
But Sister! He said he’d either exile or kill me!
Ed:
And I’d say it again! You tried to kill me!
Crayon:
If I’d wished to harm you as much as I do now, then let the gods strike me down where I stand.
Jo:
You heard him. Now don’t you have somethin’ better to do? Like saving our people?
Chester:
Listen to her, Ed.
Ed:
What should I do?
Chester:
Listen to Crayon, he’s always been a reasonable person.
It’s best not to let anger blind you before you’ve found any proof.
Ed:
It might cost me my life.
Chester:
Nuh uh. And if it does, I swear upon every country song that I will also die the worst of deaths. So many are hurt in this land, must we add your anger to it?
Ed:
Let him free then, and if I die let it be. I’m doing this for you, not because I care for that snake. I’ll despise him until I’m dead.
Crayon:
You sound ridiculous!
Ed:
Oh! You haven’t left yet?
Crayon:
Ha! You may hate me now, but the people love me! They will never believe your accusations and you will come to realize how utterly stupid you sound!
Exit Crayon
Chester:
Why didn't you let Crayon come into your house, Jo?
Jo:
I know what he did.
Chester:
That is a huge assumption to make out of a babble, and even if it doesn’t mean anything, words can still hurt.
Jo:
To both sides?
Chester:
For sure.
Jo:
And what did they say?
Chester:
Enough was said, and we should leave it there.
Ed:
Are you gaslightin’ me?
Chester:
Oh Ed, I’ve told ya before. I’d be a fool if I were to abandon you.
Jo:
By the Great Appalachians Eddie! Tell me why you're so angry! You’re not acting very slay queen girl boss right now.
Ed:
Fine, I’ll tell you. Crayon is plotting against me!
Jo:
Come again, I don’t quite understand you.
Ed:
He’s accusing me of murdering Larry!
Jo:
Does he have proof, or is he speaking from a rumor?
Ed:
He has no proof, but he brought in that damn fortune teller to accuse me.
Jo:
If a fortune teller is the problem, then I can tell you right now, no one can tell the future. I have proof. An Oracle once reported to Larry and said that he would die at the hands of his son. We know now though that he was killed by marauding strangers where three highways meet. And three days after our child was born, we pierced his hands and feet and left him to die on the Appalachian mountains. This just proves Elvis didn’t make anything happen, and that you don't have to fear any oracle or fortune teller.
Ed:
Wait, I just remembered something.
Jo:
What did you remember?
Ed:
Did you say Larry was killed where three roads meet?
Jo:
Yes, we haven’t gotten anything else.
Ed:
And where was this?
Jo:
It happened at *Phokis* It's the road that leads to Florida.
Ed:
And when did it happen?
Jo:
Not long before you came and became king of Alabama.
Ed:
Oh, great silky lyrics of Dolly Parton!
Jo:
What's with this sudden outburst?
Ed:
No wait! And just what did Larry look like? How old was he?
Jo:
He was very similar to you, actually. His hair just started turning gray, and he was tall.
Ed:
I think that I just screwed myself over.
Jo:
What are you saying? You're making me worried, King of Alabama!
Ed:
I’m starting to wonder whether Tyrone really could tell the future. Just one more question. Did he –
Jo:
You know I will stand with you between the heavens and the earth, but I’m afraid of what you’ll say.
Ed:
Did Larry just bring his bros with him? Or was he heavily escorted?
Jo:
He only had five people with him, and one was a messenger.
Ed:
Oh, great Dolly Parton, have mercy on my soul! Umm…I might’ve made an oopsie daisy. Who told you what happened?
Jo:
The only servant who escaped.
Ed:
And is he still our servant?
Jo:
No, when he saw you become king of our great home Alabama, he asked if he could be sent to the Place where the shepherds go. So I let him go because he earned it!
Ed:
Well shiver me timbers, we must bring him back as swiftly as we can!
Jo:
Yes, but why?
Ed:
I’ve done too much without looking into the situation. So I want to talk to him.
Jo:
Ok, but what are you thinking? Won’t you tell me, my sweet pumpkin poodle pie?
Ed:
Of course, I’ll tell you. You deserve to know. My father is Paul of Florida, and my mother is Mary Ann. One day a drunk man told me that they were not my parents and that made me really angry. When I got home I questioned them about it and they said it was ridiculous, but I didn’t believe jack squat. Finally, I went to Graceland, but instead of Elvis addressing my question, He told me about something else. He said I would kill my dad, get frisky with my mom, and that we would have children together! And he even said the children would be shunned. So obviously I left and never looked back! This is how I came to be in Alabama. But my golly goodness, my silly little brain forgot! On the way, at a place of three highways, I crossed paths with this group of men on their chariot. They forced me to get off the path at their leader’s command–like GOSH! Can’t they drive properly? Personally, I wouldn’t take that level of disrespect. So I, being the mighty guy that I am, slayed their leader! Then slaughtered the rest. I killed them all! Oh, Sweet Baby Rays! If I really did kill Larry, then I will be shunned by all! No one will love me! And it’d be my own fudgin fault. I’ve touched you with the hands of your husband’s killer! It’s sacrilege! Am I the villain? I worked like a dog day and night! If I really did murder Larry, then I would be put to exile! I would never see Alabama again, and I would live in fear that I might actually kill my father and marry my mom! Well, I’ll tell you what, I’d rather stab my eyes out than see that day!
Chester:
I feel you, but let’s not get too depressed yet. Let’s talk to this shepard first.
Ed:
He is my last hope.
Jo:
What is it ya want from him?
Ed:
I want to clear the account with him. If he tells the story like you did, I know I did nothin’ wrong.
Jo:
What’d I say that was so important to you?
Ed:
Well you said he was attacked by a group of men, according to that servant. If that’s the truth, then it couldn’t have been me! I was alone during the deed.
Jo:
Oh, don’t worry! Everyone knows Larry was attacked by a group. Even if he changed the story, no one would believe him. And that silly old oracle could never come true because my son–oh bless his heart–died when he was a wee little lad. I wouldn’t waste your time on that old prophecy.
Ed:
You’re probably right, but let us go so I can ease my mind.
Choir:
It’s mine to reckon with y’all
The sacredness in our deeds
Outlined by God’s good grace
Hatched in the big Ol sky
Straight from the capital itself
And to all the common folk
Y’all shall not be forgotten
If God so blesses their hearts
They’ll never age a day
Pride breeds kings that do not slay
It is like a wild stallion
Runnin free and popping off
If you can’t keep that stallion in check,
It will run you down the wrong path
Pride can make folks forget their purpose,
I reckon we plead with God
To keep us on the right track
I’ll tell you this Sugar;
Holdin’ onto our faith is gonna keep us sane
Well darlin’
If a man goes on actin’ all high and mighty,
Ignorin’ what’s right and wrong,
Showin’ no respect for where Virtues dwell,
He better watch his back,
For that kinda pride can lead to a mighty bad fate!
If a fella ain’t honest in his ways,
He won’t find nothin’ worth keepin’
While ignorin’ things deserving respect,
He’ll get wrapped up in unholy deeds,
Becoming as blind as a bat in a hailstorm
Sugar, in that situation
No man can dodge arrows of indignation
Headed straight for his heart
If we reckon such acts are held in high regard,
Why don’t we show 'em’ the power of our word and deeds?
Don’t be messin’ with your fate
Even the mountains can’t save y’all
It’s God’s speed on God!
I’m tellin’ you God sees all,
He always has and always will,
Men like to laugh at fate
Until it bites em’ in the butt
Prayer went out for Laius at church today
Ed best pray for his poor ol’ soul.