Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“So, what brings you two in today? What made you decide to seek treatment?” 

Mallory was a straightforward woman, though she did not lack in kindness or grace in the slightest. She had invited the pair in with welcoming warmth, shook the both of their hands, and thanked them for choosing her to help them sort out their affairs. Then she got straight to the point as soon as the fifty minutes started, sitting on her chair and crossing one leg over the other with a clipboard and pen in hand, ready to go. 

The atmosphere of her office was quaint. A room most anyone would feel welcome and easy-going in. Alastor appreciated the environment, as he did the same in his own studio to ensure that the guests he brought in for his podcast would feel at ease too. They were much easier to talk to that way. 

“Well?”

Alastor blinked unevenly, having tuned out. “Hm?”

“Pay attention,” Vox hissed from beside him, shooting the other a glare. “Why’d you even agree to this if you were gonna zone out?”

Alastor huffed an amused breath from his nose. “Sorry. What did I miss?”

“Vox was just explaining why he decided to come in today. Would you like to repeat yourself, sir?” Mallory asked, clicking her pen and jotting down a note. 

She was most likely writing down that Alastor was a bad listener. That was very much true. He tended to tune out the boring things. Which was always whatever was coming out of Vox’s mouth. 

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Vox held his head up high, his arms crossed over his chest as he proceeded to speak. “I said that we don’t share the same values. We have different views on the world, and we don’t ever give each other the time of day to hear each other out. That’s why I suggested we come here, because maybe if we’re forced to sit here for an hour, we’ll finally get to air shit out.”

Alastor’s lips quirked in a grin, which he hid behind his knuckles. Vox was being surprisingly convincing. “That’s true, I agree,” he spoke up. “The only thing we’ve agreed on for a long time is deciding to attend this session, which started with a disagreement in the first place.” 

Mallory wrote a few more things down, before setting her pen down atop her clipboard and looking at the two with a placated nod. Even her aura was calming, she reminded Alastor of warm sunlight. He was glad that they hadn’t been placed with a boring therapist. Because despite the situation, he found himself becoming more entertained as the time went on. 

“Can you both tell me about the conversation you two had where you both agreed to attend couples therapy? And the disagreement before it?” she asked, giving them both her full attention. 

Alastor and Vox glanced at each other knowingly, before looking back at Mallory. 

The thing was, Alastor and Vox weren’t a couple at all. In fact, they loathed each other entirely. This whole thing was a hoax, something that Vox had approached Alastor to do for fun, which he wasn’t going to agree to at first until Vox had stated that he could use the session as a fun story for his podcast. 

“I can,” Alastor told Mallory, catching Vox’s visible relief in the way his shoulders relaxed and he released his grip on the arm of his chair. 

“Go on then.” 

“What are you doing here?”

“Funny, I could ask you the same thing!” Vox grinned annoyingly as he approached where Alastor was waiting at the butcher’s counter. The younger man stood behind him as if in line, and Alastor curled his lip in distaste, going back to browsing the selection of meats he’d been interrupted from viewing. 

“I am shopping,” Alastor replied shortly, peering over the counter to see if the worker was on his way back out yet. “You know this is my side of town, you know this is my favorite butcher, and yet here you are, surprised that I am here.”

“Well, I went over to your place and you weren’t there,” was Vox’s answer, and Alastor whirled around him with a fixed glare, jabbing a finger into the young man’s chest which was adorned in a ridiculous collared shirt with a floral pattern. 

“What were you doing at my house?” Alastor hissed. 

“Relax,” Vox huffed, nudging Alastor’s hand away, and shoving his own into the pockets of his khaki shorts. “It’s not like I wanted to see you or anything, I was just on this side of town already and I figured I might as well ask you something, but you’re probably gonna say no anyways.” Alastor swore he’d never met a man with worse timing or fashion sense in all of his life. 

“What is it?” Al sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “As you can see, I am quite busy.”

Vox tilted his head, looking behind Alastor to see it empty behind the counter. “You’re waiting on the butcher to get back from break to get you your weird tenderloin shit. Pretty sure he fell asleep, ring the bell to wake him up.”

Alastor looked back toward the counter, noting the bell and tapping it as Vox suggested. 

“Huh- Wha- Coming!” the two heard the butcher from the back exclaim, it being clear from the sound of his voice that he had been enjoying an afternoon nap. 

“Thought this was your favorite butcher, how do you not know how to wake Frank up?” Vox snickered. “Look there, genius, the bell on the door’s been gone for months.”

“And how do you know this?” Alastor asked, his eyes narrowing at the man in front of him. “Are you stalking me?”

“No! I just remember shit easy, and I was here a few months ago and the bell was gone then too,” Vox huffed defensively, crossing his arms over his chest before nodding over at the counter. “Frank’s up, go get your venison.”

Alastor cast the man before him a look up-down, before releasing a quiet breath through his nose and turning towards the counter, not wanting to indulge in any more conversation with Vox than he already had to. 

He purchased his selection of meats, well aware of Vox’s eyes on him from behind, and if he had any more fucks to give, he would have turned around and slapped him. 

“All done here,” Alastor announced with a few bags in hand once he was done, gesturing to the counter. “Go on now and make your purchase, I will be on my way.”

“I didn’t come here for meat, bitch. I came here for you,” Vox scoffed, as if insulted. 

“Charming.” Alastor rolled his eyes, making his way out of the store anyway. He let the door snap shut quickly behind him, huffing in amusement at the sound of Vox’s yelp as the door predictably hit him. 

“Hey! Don’t walk away from me, I’m talking!” Vox jogged up beside him before slowing down to match his stride, hands in his pockets. “See, this is why we stopped hanging out, you’re rude and I’m-”

“Annoying is what you are. Like a pest. Shoo fly, do not bother me.” Alastor stuck his nose up poshly, continuing to walk along the sidewalk, on his way back home. 

“Ugh! You’re so frustrating!” Vox snapped, much like the pissbaby he was. “I don’t even wanna do the couples therapy with you anymore!”

Alastor’s stride came to a sudden halt, and he snapped his head to look at the man beside him incredulously, nearly dropping the expensive bags of meats he had just now purchased. 

“...What?”

“I- Uh…”

“Are you on drugs? Have you purchased any drugs?”

“No! Ugh- Stop yapping!” Vox slapped his own forehead, tilting his head back towards the sky and releasing a groan. “Okay. Just- Okay? Don’t talk for just thirty seconds. Can you do that?”

Alastor sighed, finally relenting and deciding to hear his old friend out. He was quite curious as to what the hell he was going on about. “I’m listening.”

“I thought it’d be funny if you and I were to go to couple’s therapy. You know- because I hate you? Er- I mean- we hate each other, duh. You know that dumb fucking podcast you do- It could be a funny story for that, for your listeners and shit,” Vox explained, an irritable glare pointed towards the ground and interestingly not at Alastor himself. 

“...And just why are you suggesting this?” Alastor asked after a brief pause to ensure that he was done talking. “What is in it for you?”

“A reminder of why I hate you so much,” Vox grumbled, lifting his gaze back up to Al who was studying his nails with interest. “You in or not?”

Alastor sighed, tilting his head as he pondered. Vox did have a point, it would make for a fun story for his podcast, and he may even just invite Vox as a special guest. Their arguments were sure to make fun entertainment for his listeners…

He held his hand out for Vox to shake. “Here are my terms. We do the couple’s therapy, you attend as a special guest for my podcast, then we will both agree to part ways for good. None of this following me around nonsense. Do we have a deal?”

Vox blinked, looking at the offered hand before looking back to Al’s face as if thinking it over. He didn’t need to think for long it seemed, for then he nodded, and shook the other man’s hand firmly, confidently. “Deal.”

“So, let me get this straight.” Mallory laced her fingers, gazing at the couple across from her. “You two had an argument at the butcher, to which you both grew tired of the endless fighting, and you both agreed to attend couple’s therapy, is that correct?” 

“Yes,” Alastor answered with a nod, straightening the lapels on his dress shirt. “Though it took a bit of convincing to get me to agree.”

“Yeah, it always does. Anything I bring up leads to an argument,” Vox scoffed from beside him. 

Ah, so that was what they were going to do now. They were going to fight. This therapy session was beginning to get a bit on the boring side, so perhaps spicing things up wouldn’t be such a bad idea. 

“You tend to bring up such ridiculous notions that I cannot help but offer a rebuttal,” Alastor decided to go with, glaring at the man next to him. 

Vox had the slightest hint of a grin on his lips, and Alastor could hear him hold back a snicker behind his hand. Alastor held his gaze on him for a moment longer as a warning to not give themselves away, making sure that Vox had cleared his throat and straightened himself out before returning his attention to Mallory. 

She was jotting something down in her notes again, then began to tap her pen against the paper in thought, her lips pressed together as she pondered. 

Wonderful. So she was beginning to crack now. With this upcoming argument, it wouldn’t take much to get her to break and send them on their way. 

“You two have very similar personalities despite your opposing views,” the therapist noted, glancing between the two of them with a soft smile. “I am sensing some very strong chemistry here. It’s the passion that you two have that sparks up the arguments, they’re coming from a place of stubbornness, and pride, but I don’t see those as flaws. With some work, I know you two have what it takes to mend this tear. I see you two sharing glances at each other every other moment or so, smiling at each other, as if you know what the other is thinking. So.” She clapped her hands together. “Let’s come up with a game plan, shall we? What are you two both hoping to achieve during your time here? Vox, would you like to go first?”

“Uh…” Vox stammered, blinking, completely blindsided by Mallory’s response. 

Well, that was not anticipated… Very well, they could still turn this around. 

Alastor caught Vox’s gaze with narrowed eyes and a subtle nod, silently urging him to continue. 

“Well- What am I hoping to achieve? Well, let’s see, uh… You know what? That at least one of us will finally have the balls to leave, that’s what. Maybe this.. therapy… session.. thing- maybe it was just something brought up to stall the inevitable, huh? Ever think about that?” His words, coated with malice, were directed straight at Alastor, who took the mock bait effortlessly.  “Then why even bother bringing it up? Do you see what I mean about bringing up such ridiculous notions? You were the one to have brought up this therapy nonsense to begin with,” Alastor rebutted. “If you were that desperate to leave and call it splits as you said, then why are we here?”

“Uh- Newsflash! Some of us care, unlike you! Maybe I wanted one last shot at this! You only think of yourself, I swear to fucking god, Alastor-”

“I only think of myself? I am the only one committed! Or have you forgotten the time you fucked the maid while I was at work?”

“Hey! You said you wouldn’t bring her up!”

“In. Our. Bed.”

“Oooh fuck you.”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen…” Mallory held up her hands, gently motioning for them to settle. “I understand that the tension in this room is high. Trust has been broken, and harsh words have been said. Let’s air them out, shall we? One at a time. Alastor, you brought up unfaithfulness. Care to explain why that hurt you so?”

“Trust is very important to me,” Alastor lied through his teeth, crossing one leg over the other and leaning forward slightly as he spoke. “The very fact that he had broken my trust was enough to send me on my way, had he not begged like a pathetic man on his knees for me to stay.”

“Okay, okay…” Mallory looked down at her notepad as she scribbled down some more notes. “Vox, can you explain to me why you begged for Alastor to stay? Did you regret what you had done immediately?”

Vox was quiet for a few moments, and Alastor glanced over to him to see what could possibly be going through his head. 

“I regretted… what had happened immediately,” Vox confirmed with a nod, flexing his fingers atop his lap. “And I begged for him to stay because… I can’t imagine life without him. And I’ll.. never repeat a mistake as stupid as that ever again.”

Alastor’s brows furrowed slightly, and he found himself thinking what Vox was on about. The tale about the maid was made up, a fib, to get Mallory to say to them that they were horrible for each other, that they should not be in the same room together let alone be in a romantic relationship. It was supposed to be an entertaining story to tell others. So why the hell were Vox’s words laced with truth?

“What do you say to that, Alastor?” Mallory asked, her voice as gentle as ever as she caught his eyes. 

Alastor tilted his head slightly in thought. He supposed he could start another squabble in the hopes of dragging this one a little longer. He took a look at the timer, seeing as their time was just about wrapped up. The longer this dragged on, the more bored Alastor was getting sitting in this office. This had been a fail, and there was little point in continuing. They could wrap it up now, agree to never talk about it again, and go their separate ways. 

“Alastor?”

“Zoning out again,” Vox sighed. 

“I was thinking,” Alastor answered with a clearing of his throat. “I am not quite ready to forgive just yet, but I am more than willing to push it aside for now and focus on more important matters.”

“Forgiveness does not come easy, especially when the person you trust most in the world hurts you,” Mallory hummed, jotting down some more notes. “I’m afraid our time is almost up, so I would like to take this time now to give you both an assignment. Or, well- It’s more of an activity. Optional, of course, as is your next session. Are you two living together?”

“We are not.”

“We aren’t, no.”

“I would like you both to live under the same roof for just a week,” Mallory began to explain, tearing out a piece of paper with written directions on them. She handed it over to Alastor, to which Vox peered over curiously. “One of you can stay at the other’s house, and I will be emailing you both some questions, and you can answer those in time for our next session. And of course, you both may call me at any time.” She looked between the two, awaiting their answers with a polite smile. “So? What do you say?”

Alastor gave an irritable huff through his nose. Honestly, this was all just getting more ridiculous by the second. He should have never agreed to any of this in the first place, it had all been such a waste of time. He opened his mouth to answer, then suddenly Vox stood up with a determined nod. 

“We both agreed to do whatever it takes to mend our relationship! Our answer is yes.”

Alastor blinked, looking up at his old friend in surprise. There was no way that Vox had just said what he had thought he said. What was his plan? What was the point of all of this? Was it simply to annoy him? To pester him? Alastor should have just walked away when approached by Vox at the butcher, he could have gone back another time. Curse his love for meats-

“Alastor? Do you agree to let Vox stay with you at your house for a week until our next session?”

“...Say what now?”

Chapter Text

“We don’t need to eat venison every night of the week, Alastor!”

“You have not even been here a single night and yet you’re already dictating.”

“I just don’t understand why we can’t just chill. You don’t have to go all out for dinner, let’s just go out and buy some fast food!”

“Fast food-” Alastor pinched the bridge of his nose, withholding a groan as he ran a hand through his hair. “You know I don’t eat that garbage, you know this-”

“Yeah, like you know I don’t like venison!” Vox argued, standing in front of Alastor in the kitchen, his hands gestured out in frustration. 

“You have never tried it, you simple, foolish, arrogant man. You have always refused to try it, if you would just try it, perhaps you would like it, you simpleton.”

Vox gasped, a hand to his chest in offense. “That’s it! I can’t stay here another night!”

“You haven’t even- Urghh-” Alastor dragged both hands down his face as Vox marched away, presumably to the guest room he’d put together for Vox to stay at for the week. 

The thing was, however, was that it hadn’t even been a week. No, it hadn’t even been a day. Vox had arrived during the afternoon with only a couple of suitcases for the week, and Alastor had shown him the guest room and they had agreed on the ground rules. Vox would go to bed at a reasonable hour, he wouldn’t take forever in the shower and use up all of the hot water, and he most certainly would not enter Alastor’s room without permission. Not that Alastor would ever give him permission in the first place. 

Alastor followed after the grown man currently throwing a temper tantrum in his house, not planning on letting up anytime soon until he won the debate. “Just tag along with me to the store, we can shop for the ingredients for dinner and you can even pick out something you like, I will buy it for you,” he attempted to bargain. 

“That’s so fucking lame, Alastor, why are you so lame?” Vox groaned, stopping in the middle of the hall and turning to face the man in question. “It’s my first day here, right? Shouldn’t I get to choose what’s for dinner?”

“This is my house-”

“Exactly! You get to choose what’s for dinner every night when you’re alone, I’m only gonna be here a week! I think it’s only fair that we go out and buy greasy burgers!”

“You know what? Fine. Fine. I will go out and shop for dinner for myself, and you can go off and buy your disgusting fatty fast food and rot alone in your guest bedroom, see if I care. I did not want you in my home to begin with, but you have me on this miserable charade that I need to entertain you with for an entire week. Let us both pray and hope for this week to go by as fast as possible so that I may never have to see your face again.” Alastor punctuated his rant with a firm poke to Vox’s chest with enough force to have him stumbling backward, before turning on his heel and marching towards the front door to grab his keys. 

Vox floundered for a moment before quickly going over to Alastor and grabbing his arm to stop him. “No, wait- Wait, wait, let’s just… think for a minute. I haven’t even been here a day and we’re already arguing-” he huffed, tilting his head back and releasing Alastor’s arm once prompted. 

“And whose fault is that?” Alastor rebutted with an unamused look. 

“No, I know- I’m difficult. But you’re difficult too. And that’s not even me trying to fight with you, it’s just the truth,” Vox pointed out with crossed arms. 

“Ah- Well… Touche,” Alastor sighed, setting his keys down for now. “Then, what do you propose we do? You’re the one that has us in this mess.”

It was true. Vox was the one who had agreed to Mallory’s terms, who had suggested that he stay in Alastor’s house for an entire week until their next session. Which would be the last. Alastor wasn’t even sure if they would last the day let alone an entire week of this mess. 

“Let’s call up Mallory,” Vox suggested, and swatted the keys out of Alastor’s hand who had grabbed them as soon as Mallory’s name was uttered.  “Hey!”

“No! No, we’re gonna talk through this, like adults, with another adult’s help because I’m paying her and you’re not!”

“...You’re paying her?”

“Therapy’s not free, or cheap, Alastor,” Vox snuffed, shoving his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “Look, I promise that once this week’s over, we can do your podcast thing or whatever, and I’ll be out of your hair for good. I promise.”

Alastor stared at the man before him for a few good seconds, then sighed through his nose and nodded. “I am a fool for trusting you.”

“Yeah, you really are. C’mon, to the couch we go.” Vox nodded over toward the main room, where a couch, a loveseat, and a bookshelf awaited them. 

Vox lounged on the loveseat, propping his feet up on the armrest as he pulled out his phone, tapping through it to find Mallory’s contact. “I still don’t get how you don’t have a TV, Al. Like- What the fuck do you do all day?”

“Certainly not mindless television nonsense like you,” Alastor replied pointedly, sitting on the couch across from him, his nose wrinkling in distaste at Vox’s posture on his furniture. “Mind your manners, you forget you’re in my house.”

“Wait, what did I say?” Vox asked distractedly, the phone already on speaker and calling for Mallory. 

Said therapist answered after only a few rings. “Hello? Vox?”

“Yeah, hi. Look- Alastor and I are arguing over dumb shit again, and we need your help.”

“...So soon? It’s… the first day of you two staying together, right?”

“Yeah, and we’re already driving each other crazy,” Vox sighed. “Can you help us?”

“I… I can, but..” Mallory cleared her throat. “The next time you two need my help with something urgent, please text me beforehand so I can set some other things aside and give you two my full attention. This time I’ll excuse it, but- The next time you call unannounced, I’ll have you leave a voicemail instead. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” Vox chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“No need.” Sounds of scuffling could be heard from the phone, presumably Mallory moving a few things around in her office. “So- What’s the situation? I understand that suddenly sharing a space with someone you’ve been at odds with for a while can be a challenge. Can you two elaborate on what your spat is about?”

“Well-” Vox started, catching Alastor’s gaze for a moment. “Alastor wants to go to the grocery store with me- yunno, to pick out ingredients for tonight’s dinner. He’s really into butchers and stuff- Meats? He wants venison. But that’s never been my thing. I prefer things much more processed. So I said- ‘Hey, let’s go get some burgers instead–’”

“That is not what you said,” Alastor scoffed.”You told me that you did not want that crap and that you’d rather eat dirt.”

“Well I would!”

“You’ve never been interested in what I am interested in, it’s always been about you and what you want. I’m sick of it.”

“It’s literally not that serious, it’s dinner.”

“Do you want to sleep outside? It’s sounding a lot like you’d rather be sleeping outside.”

“Yeah, just throw me out like a dog, just like you did before!”

“Well when you act so much like a bitch, it’s hard to tell the difference!”

“Okay! Okay-” Mallory interrupted from the phone. “Let’s simmer down. Just take a breath…”

“Yeah, shut up Alastor. So- whose side are you on, Mallory?” Vox huffed, looking at the phone with an irritated scowl. “Totally mine, right? The only right one. Right? …Mallory?”

Faint scribbling could be heard, most likely the sound of her taking some more notes based on another one of their spats. 

Alastor truly could not wait for this week to be done and over with. What was thought to be entertaining was proving to be more irritating by the second. He wasn’t even sure if he even wanted to do the session with Vox on his podcast anymore. They’d most likely just squabble some more. Which could be entertaining for his audience, sure, but for his own well-being? He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. 

“Vox? Alastor?”

“Yeah?”

“Yes?”

“Can you two tell me, one at a time, how you two originally fell in love?”

Alastor blinked, glancing from the phone in his old friend’s hand, then up to meet his gaze which was equally widened. 

“Uh..” Vox stammered, waving his hand about as he stalled over what to say. 

“Yes, um…” Alastor had tried to speak up as well, but fell flat and was now stalling for time as well. 

“Well, uh-”

“You see, it was-”

“It was love at first… sight?”

“Alright,” Mallory chuckled from the phone. “You don’t have to go too into detail. From what I gathered, your love was quick, right? Impulsive, much like the two of you?”

“...Yes?” Vox spoke up, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I mean I’d- I’d say so.”

“Let me explain why I asked that question in the first place,” Mallory hummed. “These arguments- these riffs, these spats… these are all surface level,” she began. “There’s something bubbling underneath, something that the both of you are feeling and that you each feel that you can’t fully express. This current spat? This is more than just dinner. You both aren’t feeling heard. You both have conflicting personalities, yes, but that’s not always a bad thing. Opposites attract. Now, I have another question for you both. You can each answer one at a time.” A flip of paper, then more scribbling. “Do you feel loved?”

“Oh- Would you look at that!” Vox suddenly barked, now by the door and knocking on it. “Looks like we have a visitor! Hey- Tino, what are you doing here? Haha! Okay, Mallory, we gotta go, bye!” 

“Oh- Wait, but-!”

Vox hung up quickly, shoving his phone in his pocket with a furious blush crawling over his face. He ran a hand through his hair, eyes darting about the room before landing on Alastor, who still sat on the couch and was watching him curiously. 

“What was that?” he asked. 

“I don’t think we should see Mallory anymore,” Vox replied, disregarding him by going to grab his wallet and keys from the side table. “Hey-  Look, we can uh- Do that thing you wanted. The shopping and the dinner. I can eat greasy burgers any day of the week, it’s not every night Alastor himself is offering to cook for me, yunno? Plus- who knows, I might like it. If not, I’ll just find something else.”

Alastor watched him stick his phone and keys into his hoodie pocket before going over to the door again, placing his hand on the knob. 

“I’ll be waiting in the car.”

“Are you finding truth in the words that she said?”

Alastor waited for his old friend to answer, his eyes trained on him and waiting for him to turn around. He didn’t, he simply turned the doorknob and exited his house, shutting the door calmly behind him. 

Ah, well. 

His appetite was surely spoiled now. And he certainly didn’t feel like cooking anymore. 

What an interesting turn of events. Surely there was no way that Vox, who had equally despised him for over seven years since their falling out, had feelings for him. Feelings that Alastor could not reciprocate. Said feelings that could turn into resentment, that could turn into silly disputes despite his efforts to solve and recollect things. 

Perhaps greasy fast-food burgers didn’t sound so bad.