Work Text:
Shen Zechuan loved his boyfriend with his entire being, and he was ready to place anything he had on him to prove it. They were both adults and came to the same middle ground when it came to major things in life, like morals and ambitions. So, Lanzhou was truly blessed that someone he'd been admiring from aside ended up being the perfect fit for him, and that Xiao Chiye thought the same of him in return.
The thought of that alone brought him an immersing joy to this day, even though finally moving in together came with its own set of challenges. When it came to chores, they made up their own rules. They've been in enough situations and relationships, not only romantic ones, to realize how important it was to state a certain list of orders both had agreed on. Thankfully, it didn't end up being the hardest task as they'd already gotten used to one another's habits and ways at the house.
Even despite them being clear-headed about living together, there was a sudden change once they finally, officially, were under the same roof for good. Lanzhou has gotten used to one specific thing over the years of their relationship, and that small detail has been the older man snoring in his sleep. Not the kind of snoring one's dad did that woke up the entire building, making you cry into your pillow in hopes it would end soon. No, it was the quieter, calm type that almost worked as a type of white noise for Lanzhou. Whether that made him weird or not, he genuinely didn't care. It was something between the two and it reminded Lanzhou of the other's presence when they slept together, even if they gradually moved to their own sides of the bed after falling asleep.
One day, when Xiao Chiye suddenly stopped letting out the rhythmic sounds in his sleep, Shen Zechuan wasn't entirely sure how to approach the situation. Lord, he never even mentioned to the other man about his habit of snoring. Why would he? It was just a thing that happened, a subconscious habit like Lanzhou's way of starting to braid his own hair whenever he was in deep thought. It was never mentioned. It was just there, existing on its own.
Lanzhou has never had the best sleeping pattern. He woke up during most of the nights due to the poor quality of it that's been a problem ever since his teenage years. When Xiao Chiye appeared in his life, the problem didn't disappear, but it became more bearable in the presence of the other man. Xiao Chiye was fast to fall asleep and once it happened, it helped Lanzhou to mirror the act once he heard the man's soft sounds of dreaming. It was his personal melatonin that worked in magical ways. Had it been someone else snoring next to Lanzhou, he would have been tempted to embrace the worst side of him.
So, when that melatonin was taken away from him, it was only expected that it would become a problem. Shen Zechuan just wanted to sleep peacefully again. It wasn't crazy for a man to have a simple wish like that.
It's been one month since they started living together. After a long week of work, the two finally cuddled up on the couch and watched a soap opera both men had grown love for due to its pure stupidity. Xiao Chiye was the one who started watching it at first, doing it kind of in shame, but eventually, Shen Zechuan joined his guilty pleasure and they completely embraced it.
Lanzhou laid there with his head on the other's lap as a bigger hand went through the long hair that he'd been meaning to wash today. After dealing with an extreme amount of people and their questionable behaviour for days straight, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he listened to the show with his eyes closed, trying to focus on what was happening in the love triangle yet again while Xiao Chiye's hand continued with the motion he knew he loved.
"Why is he bullshitting her now?" Xiao Chiye cursed at the TV. He almost started Lanzhou for a moment, but his eyes still remained unopened. "He cheated on her like, three times. That idiot has no reason to say any of that."
"They're both a piece of work. Sebastian, too," Lanzhou chuckled. Sebastian was the latest addition to the ongoing love drama that made it into a love triangle as both the woman and her boyfriend cheated on one another with the said man. If one tried to retell the whole plot of the story, anyone would go crazy. Lanzhou didn't even attempt to properly remember what happened in there anymore. He could. He just didn't want to. The less it made sense, the funnier it was. "A perfect match, I would say."
"Sebastian isn't even hot enough for them to be acting like that," he huffed and looked down at Shen Zechuan, the one person he would rather look at and could do it until he fell asleep. Even with a tired look, the younger man remained with a beauty like no other.
"Yeah?" Lanzhou moved on his side so he could look up at Xiao Chiye.
"What would make him look good enough for you, then?" Shen Zechuan knew very well that Xiao Chiye couldn't care less about imagining what would make a random, non-existent man look more appealing in his eyes. Not when he was still looking at him like that, even with Lanzhou looking like a mess in his own opinion.
"I dunno," Xiao Chiye pondered out loud, his hand still in the younger man's hair as he gave the skin of his scalp a soft stroke. The hand moved down to go through the soft hair and stopped on Lanzhou's back. "Some pretty eyes would be nice. Brown and striking, ya know?" he said as he looked into Lanzhou's now squinting gaze.
"You are very unserious," he commented and moved to lay back on his side. A faint blush was born on his face nevertheless, and Xiao Chiye saw it even in the dark room. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sight with admiration at the effect he still had on the man.
Lanzhou yawned and curled further into Xiao Chiye's lap. The older man wouldn't have any problem carrying him into their bed if Lanzhou fell asleep, but he knew very well how Shen Lanzhou liked to do his night routine and change into other clothes before anything else.
"Bed?"
"Yeah," he yawned again, covering it with his hand. "This episode was boring, anyway. They should just all date each other to make it easier for everyone."
"Then we wouldn't have a soap opera to fall asleep to."
"Fair enough."
Lanzhou didn't end up washing his hair, putting it into a ponytail for the night to make it a worry for tomorrow. As much as he hated to change his hair wash day, he was too tired for his own good. He'd rather spend the last bits of energy talking to Xiao Chiye, even though the other man was tired as well. He was just better at hiding it, but the way his lids started blinking more often gave him away.
They brushed their teeth side by side in a comfortable silence, going to shower afterwards. The good old minty toothpaste did its job and soon enough Xiao Chiye and Shen Zechuan were in the large bed, yawning in unison. With all the space they had in there, they still gravitated into each other's comfort in the middle of the bed. For a second, Lanzhou just looked at the older man lying there until his hand was grabbed under the blanket. Lanzhou's hand was cold as always.
Shen Zechuan finally got the courage to approach the topic. He knew that he could have done it by asking the question straight to the other's face, but he didn't feel like it was the right approach even with Lanzhou's respect for transparency. As their hands were united under the blanket, Xiao Chiye grasped it a bit. "Have you been sleeping fine?" Lanzhou broke the comfortable silence.
"Eh," Xiao Chiye raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Not too sure. I haven't really had any dreams recently... what about you?"
Guess there was a change, after all. As if the existing "problem" wasn't enough of a sign. "Could be better," he answered. "You stopped snoring, by the way."
"I snore!?"
"Well, not anymore," Lanzhou chuckled. "I didn't mind it. But as I said, you stopped. As soon as we moved here, actually. I've been having some problems with sleeping ever since."
"Oh..." That was news to him. Xiao Chiye was sure that if it had been a bother to Lanzhou before, he would have known about that by now. You learn something new every day, even about yourself. "How come no one ever mentioned that I did that?"
"My guess would be as good as yours," Lanzhou pondered. "Perhaps everyone around you has gotten used to it so early on that they didn't mind it anymore, like me. In fact, it actually helped me sleep. Like I said, I didn't mind it."
Xiao Chiye brought his hand on the other's hip and moved Lanzhou closer to him, now that both of their chests were close enough to touch. "Do you want me to start snoring again?" He joked. Xiao Chiye was a bit confused as to how to handle this situation and if there was a way to do it in the first place.
"Don't be silly, Ah-ye," Shen Zechuan huffed. "I will get over it. It's not the end of the world, after all. I just wanted to let you know, that's all."
If there was one thing Xiao Chiye knew about his boyfriend, it was the fact that he was stubborn. Once he had decided on something, there was simply no turning back. The possible worst part of this was him being just as stubborn back. Possibly even more. It wasn't the easiest thing for them to accept the fact that a thing like compromise weighed a lot in any relationship, but the two still had their moments. It only made sense that Xiao Chiye was not going to turn back on something like that. Not when he knew how much his Lanzhou valued good sleep.
"Either way, I'm not the happiest that it's an obstacle. It makes sense now why you've been even more tired lately," Xiao Chiye brushed the skin of Lanzhou's waist where the t-shirt had moved a bit up. Shen Zechuan twitched at the touch ever so slightly as it was a sensitive area for him, but he still enjoyed the contact. "Wake me up if you have any troubles during the night, okay?"
"And we will do what?" Lanzhou raised an eyebrow in confusion. The last thing he needed was for both of them to stare at the ceiling at an ungodly hour, let alone during the weekend when they wanted to get something done during the two free days they had. At least Lanzhou has had experience with insomnia beforehand, not that it was something to be happy about, but it wasn't a new experience to him. It wasn't the end of the world to relive it again for a bit, even though he didn't know when exactly it would end. "Ce'an, I will get over it. No need for you to lose any sleep, either."
Xiao Chiye pinched the soft skin, making Shen Zechuan jerk as a surprise. That bastard, he knew damn well how sensitive Lanzhou was especially there. "Just wake me up, promise? We will find what to do."
Once again, their lack of knowledge about what activity to waste time on wasn't the actual problem. Lanzhou sighed. He was too tired as it was and for a second regretted telling Xiao Chiye about the whole situation. It really wasn't anything serious.
"Ah..." Xiao Chiye did it again. Lanzhou tried to move, but the taller man managed to grasp both hands around Shen Zechuan's waist to pull him to his chest. The hold of Xiao Chiye was strong, but it wasn't an intimidation for Lanzhou. If anything, the warmth of the other's body and the slight weight he felt from it was almost like a weighted blanket, only better. Lanzhou leaned into the older's man neck. "Okay, I will," he finally agreed. There was no point in arguing about this.
"Good," Xiao Chiye placed a kiss on top of the other's hair.
Shen Zechuan raised his head and kissed him on the lips. The soft kiss he was given was nice and all, but he knew what both wanted deep down, even if it wasn't going anywhere further that night. Their lips worked against each other lazily, giving long, stretched kisses at an unhurried pace. Lanzhou's hand went to the older man's cheek, stroking it gently as heated mouths filled with need melted into one another. Both of them tasted like their shared minty toothpaste, although that was the last thing either cared about at the moment.
Lanzhou let Ce'an lead the kiss, softening into his embrace as the bigger hand moved up and down his back under the t-shirt. His skin was warm from the heavy blank they shared and his usual body temperature, making it impossible to resist. Lanzhou's breath tickled softly against his skin and Xiao Chiye deepened the kiss even further, wanting the man all for himself - as if he wasn't already. Shen Zechuan felt warmth blossoming inside of him as his partner started becoming more and more eager to eat him up, devouring the younger man's silky lips he'd always taken good care of.
It was always intense how fast Xiao Chiye managed to get riled up, even though nothing seemed to trigger it. Shen Zechuan was no liar, so he wasn't going to say he didn't enjoy every bit of it. He was the happiest whenever he could let himself be devoured in such a manner, getting just as much pleasure in return as the other man — that's what made it good in the first place. He could feel Xiao Chiye's muscles tensing up, holding onto him just a bit tighter than a second ago. As the older man breathed in Lanzhou's familiar scent, Shen Zechuan had to separate them for a breather from the fierce absorption of one another they'd just been doing. Lanzhou could feel his lips swell from the action his Xiao'er had been doing, and it made him feel at peace.
Before Xiao Chiye could return to his lips again, Lanzhou let out a yawn without even noticing it himself. They both fell silent. Xiao Chiye chuckled at the sight, taking pride in how beautiful his boyfriend looked with a kissed-out face, lids heavy and filled with matching need. He remembered where they were and what time it was. In moments like these, it was normal for Xiao Chiye to lose track of everything else to an extreme level. If he was giving himself to Lanzhou, nothing else ever mattered during those moments.
Without the need to comment on anything else, Shen Zechuan and Xiao Chiye went into their usual sleeping position with the older hugging Lanzhou. It took almost no time before Lanzhou could feel Ce'an breath become slower against his back. Once he was in deep sleep, the grip of the man's hands on his chest got weaker. It took Shen Zechuan an unholy amount of time to repeat the action, but he managed to fall into nothingness within an unknown amount of time. Sleeping restlessly was better than no sleep at all.
At precisely 2:45 am, Lanzhou was awake again. His lids were heavy and his mind craved sleep, but the deep silence of the room seemed like a prison. Even looking at Xiao Chiye sleeping peacefully in the dark brought him no help, although taking a look at the man was very much a feast for Lanzhou's eyes. Just not in a way he needed at the moment as he was in deep exhaustion. He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed at himself or the world, or if there was a specific thing to be annoyed at in the first place. The situation itself was torturous.
It took him great effort to leave the warm, comfortable bed, but soon enough he did so to open the window hoping that sounds of the outside world would be of any help. Fresh air was great for any exhausted mind, so at least he wasn't going to die from suffocation in the near future. The soft breeze as he opened the window made his skin get covered in goosebumps — the kind one enjoyed on a chilly summer night. Being cold only caused the body to be more willing to sleep, but it was unfortunate that it didn't come true once he was in the bed again. Since Lanzhou woke up, the ceiling looked the same. He continued staring at it.
After half an hour, Lanzhou was still lying on his back and staring into nothingness as a soft light from the outside drew lines against the darkness of the room. In annoyance, he turned on his side to face Xiao Chiye again who remained in the same comfortable position. He didn't want to feel jealous of the other for something simple like sleeping peacefully. If anything, he wanted to share the simple yet important experience with him just like before. If only that man snored for once. How dare he let him on his own like that?
Sigh, Lanzhou was very much aware of how ridiculous he was for these thoughts. He was just tired, that was all. It was interesting that he still hadn't lost his mind after a month as the cycle began again for him so suddenly after a long, peaceful era of mutual slumber with Xiao Chiye. What a great time that was. He needed it back immediately, for the sake of everyone's wellbeing.
As the clock went forward, the outside world and its sounds brought Lanzhou no help. If anything, the random barking of dogs outside and drunkards just annoyed him, so Shen Zechuan ended up closing the window again, even though getting up for the second time was even harder. This time, he didn't go back to the bed. He sat down on the edge of it on the side where Xiao Chiye was sleeping and looked at him for a time he couldn't recall. He brought a hand to the man's hair and stroked it softly, enjoying the calm state of his boyfriend. He didn't want to wake him up, but he knew that after making Ce'an aware of the problem, he would be furious at the sight of a tired Lanzhou the next morning.
The more time went on, Lanzhou became much worse at keeping his nightly occurrences and the state they left him in hidden. It was ridiculous... he didn't even need to not tell about it, either. It was an obvious fact from the beginning that there would be the opposite of judgment thrown at him. Stretching problems into oblivion for absolutely no reason was one of his worst habits, Lanzhou had agreed with it and acknowledged the problem entirely.
"Ce'an," Lanzhou leaned down to whisper to his ear. "Wake up for me, please?"
"Hmh..." Xiao Chiye let out a soft noise as he woke up. Once his eyes were open again, it took him a good moment to realize what was happening and that Lanzhou had been sitting beside him. "Wha-? Lanzhou?"
"Yes, Ah-ye, it's me..." he explained. "Can't sleep. Throw a rock at me. Run over me with a truck. Anything." He was starting to sound desperate... that's what he was, though. Shen Zechuan gave him a minute to wake up as properly as it possible was in that situation.
Xiao Chiye finally processed the world around him. He moved into a sitting position so the two could look at each other properly. The tired look on Lanzhou's face left to wish for the best, but he was glad that the man kept his promise. "How long have you been up for?" he asked softly, grabbing Lanzhou's hand.
"Around two hours..." Lanzhou answered. Ce'an's hair was all messy from changing sleeping positions over the few hours he'd been asleep. He wanted to run his hand through it but resisted for now. "The sun will be up soon. It's going to be even harder to fall asleep by then," he sighed in despair. Any amount of sunlight only made everything about falling asleep even worse. Good thing curtains existed, but they were simply not enough.
"Oh dear," Xiao Chiye pulled Lanzhou towards himself. It took him by surprise, but Lanzhou didn't end up minding it. Not when Ce'an's closure was the only thing at the moment that could help him from falling into complete insanity. "C'mere."
Lanzhou felt the man's intense stare even in the dark. Xiao Chiye was still not completely there after being woken up so suddenly, but he was putting every possible brain cell to work and focused on the situation. Shen Zechuan just looked at him back in silence, at least enjoying the sight of his boyfriend's eyes which had always had a great admiration for. He's always liked them, especially during quiet moments between the two, even if the moment wasn't holding the most pleasant context. It still made it easier knowing someone like him was blessed to have a caring soul by his side.
"Knock me out," Lanzhou suddenly commented as he blinked tiredly. Xiao Chiye frowned in return, but Lanzhou wasn't done, "Hit me on the head. I give you the permission."
The older man rolled his eyes. His grip around the other's waist tightened. "Oh yes, because going to the emergency room with a concussion is so much better."
"Doesn't sound too bad right now."
Xiao Chiye huffed, not wanting to add more to that ridiculous idea. He was obviously not planning on doing that. Instead, he placed a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek who leaned into the touch immediately. It was obvious that Ce'an was doing his best to keep his eyes open, Lanzhou was no fool and still felt bad about waking him up, even though suffering while being embraced was very much welcomed compared to his previous experiences. Still, he didn't regret following Xiao Chiye's wishes. Lanzhou melted in the hold of strong arms as they stroked over his back up and down, providing the best form of warmth to his naturally chill body temperature.
"When I was in college, I used to run for miles right before sleeping in order to get so tired that at times I knocked as soon I came back in," Lanzhou chuckled at the memory. Ce'an, on the other hand, was very much not amused. If anything, it made him even more worried than before.
"I knew you had problems with that before, but not to that extent..."
Lanzhou sighed into Xiao Chiye's chest. He knew he wasn't a liar for not telling every single detail about his life, but it still felt unfortunate. "I was just so happy once it wasn't so bad anymore that I tried erasing the problem out of my mind as much as it was possible," he tried to explain. "Now I understand I'm just a fool. It was just... hibernating. No problem disappears on its own."
"You're not a fool, Lanzhou," Ce'an reassured him, making Lanzhou exhale right into his chest. "It's unfortunate that it's been following you like that, but we're gonna take proper care of it now."
"Sounds like a promise." Lanzhou was still mad at himself that it took him Xiao Chiye's awareness to finally grasp the situation properly. Of course, the phrase better late than never existed, but it had never satisfied Shen Zechuan before. He had his own head on his shoulders, a pretty bright one at that, yet he failed to properly use it at certain times. The mere realization of that never failed him to make him grit his teeth. Even with all of that, Ce'an was purely supportive of him without any hint of criticism at any point.
"It is."
"Thank you." Lanzhou looked up at him and noticed Ce'an giving him a soft smile which he returned. Shen Zechuan suddenly experienced a flashback, completely out of nowhere. He couldn't help but comment on the thought immediately, "Do you remember when you sang me to sleep when we were on that hiking trip?"
"Hm?" It took Xiao Chiye a minute to grasp what exactly he was talking about. Once he processed the memory, the man chuckled. "Want me to do it again?"
"I wouldn't mind it..." Xiao Chiye didn't have the best singing voice in the world, it was never expected from him in the first place, but Lanzhou had always found a charm behind the way he sang for him. There were only a couple of people who witnessed it and it still happened once in a blue moon. Lanzhou never asked him to do it, anyway, especially when Ce'an didn't particularly find any extreme enjoyment in it, but when it came to Lanzhou, he was gladly willing to become a singer for him. The truth was, Lanzhou often dreamed about Xiao Chiye doing it more often as he actually did have a natural talent for it. The current moment of weakness got the best of him and made Lanzhou ask for it.
Xiao Chiye took a breath in, followed by, "Red wine and sleeping pills, help me get back to your arms..."
Lanzhou closed his eyes, listening to Ce'an's voice with an open heart.
The following night was still torturous, just like all the previous ones. Falling asleep to Xiao Chiye's voice made it a little more bearable, and he made sure to keep that moment close to his heart. Even with all the hard days that were upon him, Lanzhou's adoration for Ce'an continued to grow. It took him by surprise each time as he genuinely thought his love was at its max capacity already, but he was proven wrong each time. There was no such as a limit when it came to that and Shen Zechuan gladly accepted the newfound fact that it would continue to expand in each way possible until a moment he couldn't control anymore.
***
For the next couple of days, Lanzhou had taken numerous tries to sleep without waking up at any point during the night. As he expected, each time ended with a banging fail. Some nights were easier than others. The worst ones, though, were horrendously evil and he got reminded of his college days when he managed to go days without any sleep at all. He was lucky enough to forget how it felt like for a long period of time, although the thought of his insomnia returning was often in the back of his mind. He just wasn't expecting it to come back so out of nowhere, as stupid as that sounded. It was never going to knock on the door, asking for permission.
He hated the fact that Ce'an's attempts and closure didn't do the trick. Don't get him wrong... without him, Lanzhou would've lost his mind completely a while ago. Xiao Chiye's existence and comfort have been the anchor he's been holding on to. At first, he was hesitant about letting the man into the problem so much, but he realized how wrong he would have been quite soon. They moved in together and were in a committed relationship for a reason, even though Lanzhou was unsure about being a bother at first. Shen Zechuan tried imagining himself in the other's shoes and realized soon enough how much he understood him, after all.
ASMR, establishing a regular bedtime, avoiding napping, herbal tea, and hot baths. It all started to make sense that Lanzhou's only way out was to go to the doctor. It was coming for a long, long time. He should have never relied on something like his boyfriend's snoring, as obvious as it sounded now. Even though Ce'an's voice singing him to sleep sort of worked, it was also not a solution. It would have been ridiculous of him to not learn from his previous lesson, so that's how he ended up in the doctor's office not too long after his confession to Xiao Chiye. The man insisted on Lanzhou going almost immediately on the next day, but Shen Zechuan ended up prolonging the process for just a bit in an attempt to try out other variants that could help, leading to no success.
There was no such thing as a miracle, he ended up revealing the fact for himself yet again.
"Before any prescription could be given, it would be for the best to start by taking melatonin."
"I have," Lanzhou explained. His eye almost twitched at the memory of him taking the said treatment. It didn't help years ago just as badly as it did this time. During one of the recent attempts, he decided to give it another shot, resulting in the same kind of failure as before. If anything, melatonin for him has been just a waste of money and space as now he had another bottle of those pills pushed in the back of their drawer after days and days of trying. "An hour before sleeping. I don't look at any screens beforehand, either."
Yes, Shen Zechuan was very much aware of the fact that no one should stare at the phone or TV right before sleeping. Hell, that has been told like a mantra ever since he started school, but did even doctors themselves follow that rule? In Lanzhou's experience, there was no difference. Most of the time, he ended up watching the soap opera with his eyes closed, anyway. If anything, the stupidity of the show helped his mind unwind better than any tea could.
The doctor wasn't convinced. This time, Lanzhou's eye twitched for real.
"Have you tried doing some kind of light physical activity during the day? It is a possibility that your body doesn't get tired enough during the day."
I can't believe this is my life right now...
"Yes, I go on a walk a couple of hours before bedtime." If sex with Xiao Chiye didn't tire him out "enough", there was no other activity that possibly could do that better than that. He knew that for a fact, but didn't end up commenting about it, of course. But yes, it was true that even light exercise had a good effect, too. "The problem isn't due to that, I can reassure you."
"Of course," the doctor smiled up at him and typed something on the computer. Lanzhou bit his lip, knowing that the seemingly kind attitude of the older woman wasn't going in the direction he had wanted. He needed to stay put, though. There was no other way to do this. Shen Zechuan shared his entire history of his sleeping issues. It was tormenting to relive all those days again, but he was willing to dig out every possible detail in order to get help now that he was in front of a seemingly licensed professional.
"Another suggestion would be getting blackout curtains. That by itself won't help, of course, but it can be a perk when other things are taken into account."
"I can't sleep in complete darkness..."
"Hm," she nodded again, typing. "Do you smoke or drink large amounts of caffeine?"
"No smoking. No coffee. Only tea."
"I see."
Just do your damn job before I go completely insane and end up jumping on anyone who I find even remotely irritating.
That certainly came out looking desperate. Zechuan was desperate, though. He just hoped he could voice it in a way that the doctor would understand that there was no other way out. He wasn't going to start a damn sleeping journal or try out yoga. Lanzhou had no idea how much he had to tell that once it was bad — it was bad. No person on the verge of insanity wanted to start being on pills, either. Lanzhou certainly wasn't, at least.
"My final suggestion before we could move forward would be to start keeping a night journal," the doctor said and started explaining the benefits of keeping the thing that left Lanzhou feeling on edge. He made sure to listen to everything she had to say and after additional formalities, he walked out of the cabinet with severe exhaustion. It was the first time in his life that he had no energy left to convince someone to do what he wanted. It was a possibility that he was the wrong one there, but he genuinely didn't feel like it.
Lanzhou was so angry that he ended up walking past Xiao Chiye on his way out. The older man looked at him in surprise and took his jacket from the other seat as fast as he could so he could catch up with the obviously furious Lanzhou.
"Let's go before I kill someone," Shen Zechuan let out.
Xiao Chiye didn't end up saying anything. Everything was already obvious by the other's behaviour, so they walked towards the car, and once Shen Zechuan was in the passenger seat, Ce'an gave him time to calm down before going anywhere. He didn't dare to start the conversation, staring into the nothingness of the parking hall outside the window.
With hands by his chest, Shen Zechuan finally sighed, calming down. "She told me to do a start journal. Write about my thoughts when I can't sleep."
"We'll go to a different doctor."
"I lied that I already kept one of those," Lanzhou let out. "I know I'm no doctor myself, but what's a journal going to do? I'm so tired I couldn't even convince her. I'm so tired that I lost my ability to communicate!" his eyes widened in fear.
"You didn't lose anything, dear," Xiao Chiye turned to face Lanzhou. The other man's face turned from being coldly furious to looking desperate, the type only he got to see. The first time he saw Lanzhou give him such a vulnerable look, he felt something inside of him shatter. It was also one of the many signs that there was no such thing as them not being together for good. He cupped Lanzhou's cheek with his palm, looking into the man's eyes. "We'll go to someone else."
"I don't want to keep a night journal..."
"I'm not going to make you do that."
"I know," he huffed. "I just wanted to let it out to you."
"I'm glad you did." Xiao Chiye leaned to place a kiss on Lanzhou's cheek. Shen Zechuan reacted fast and turned his face in a way that their lips could meet. Doing this from the sitting position in a car wasn't the most comfortable kiss they'd shared in their lives, but it was still sweet and genuine. Ce'an broke it and went back to his old position again, but leaned his hand for the other to hold onto. "You wanna grab some takeaway on our way home?"
Lanzhou gave it a thought as if he didn't already know the answer.
The following night ended up being dreadful just like all the previous ones, and even feeding Xiao Chiye fish from the restaurant didn't end up causing any positive in the end, even though it was a pleasant evening nevertheless. It was that it would've been more fulfilling if it wasn't followed by another sleepless night.
***
Shen Zechuan's anger at the medical world stayed for some time before he was willing to go to a different doctor again. During that period, he had given up trying to find new ways of putting his mind at ease during nights as it seemed like they had run out of things. Out of pure desperation and now that he's gotten used to insomnia again as much as it was possible, Lanzhou was past the stage of denial and embraced it. On the other hand, there was Xiao Chiye.
The poor man seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown, even with all the ways he was good at hiding those signs. He's been more worried for Lanzhou than his body was capable of, resulting in falling asleep even earlier than usual. Lanzhou couldn't be mad at him even if he tried, therefore he sensed no jealousy for the other. He was just happy that at least Ce'an was able to sleep it off for the most part.
On one particular night, when they were done with their nightly routines and Lanzhou was lying on his side of the bed, staring at the ceiling, Xiao Chiye went off somewhere in the house. The only thing that's been making him feel somewhat stable has been Ce'an's presence. For the millionth time in his life, he was grateful for his existence and the effort he's been putting in for him. Although the older man wasn't the happiest with himself as everything had been unsuccessful, it was more than enough for Lanzhou.
If he ends up fainting from the lack of sleep one day at the office which would result in him dying from hitting his neck on the edge of the table, he would die happy knowing Xiao Chiye was there for him.
The lack of sleep was getting into his brain again, it seemed. Oh well.
"Ce'an?" Lanzhou called out the man's name, confused as to why he wasn't coming to bed.
"Coming!" Xiao Chiye felt closer with the movement of him approaching the room. Once Xiao Chiye was able to see Lanzhou again, he let out, "Today I realized that there's one thing we haven't tried yet."
Tried what? Lanzhou blinked. It was too late and he wasn't sure whether to be confused or concerned about whatever Ce'an was about to offer. He moved into a sitting position on the bed, looking at the man with a suspicious look. Xiao Chiye wasn't going to make him run a marathon right in his pyjamas, right? "What are you meaning to say?" he asked with pure sincerity, scratching the back of his neck.
Before the older man could give him any kind of an explanation, Ce'an ended up throwing a bottle Lanzhou had never seen before onto the bed. Shen Zechuan grabbed it and read the front label immediately, looking for answers. "Massage oil..." he read out loud and immediately looked at the other man again, this time with a raised eyebrow. "Explain."
"I'm gonna give you the best massage of your life," Ce'an grinned proudly. Lanzhou was honestly not too impressed about the idea. The last thing he needed was for Ce'an to waste his last remaining energy on something that wouldn't even be of any help, he knew that already. If anything, the chances were high that feeling the other's hand on him would make Lanzhou even more awake than ever before, instead. "If it doesn't work, at least it will feel good."
"Ah-ye..." Lanzhou sighed as he still held onto the glass bottle for absolutely no reason. Poor Xiao Chiye, he really was trying his best. "I appreciate your effort, I really do, but this isn't going to help. Let's not waste your strength on something like this, shall we?"
"Absolutely not," Ce'an stated and finally moved on the bed to be by the other's side. They could look into each other's eyes properly from here, and Lanzhou immediately saw the eager flame of hope in Xiao Chiye's gaze. "I already looked up the techniques and everything. I know that your view on this became pessimistic, but let me at least do something nice to you? Don't even view it as a way to make you fall asleep. Instead, just a nice gesture from me to you."
If there was one thing his boyfriend was good at, it was convincing. Lanzhou knew this better than anyone as someone who thought he had a similar power. When it came to one another, though, they were mutually irresistible. This was both a blessing and a curse depending on the situation. Most of the time, it was a blessing, of course. It only made sense that after staring at Ce'an for a bit longer, he finally let out a breath in agreement. Xiao Chiye already knew that he won this little battle of his, so Lanzhou moved on top of the blankets and took off his sleeping shirt.
"Just don't accidentally snap my neck," Lanzhou tried to joke with whatever energy he had left.
Ce'an chuckled but not at the attempted joke. "I would never, darling."
Sure, Ce'an watched tutorials. One could tell from the movements Xiao Chiye used on the other's body. It took a bit of time to get used to his back being covered in oil, but it was less torturous the more he felt the other's hands on him. Still, it didn't erase the fact that at times, Ce'an wasn't completely aware of his physical power. In some parts where Lanzhou was way more sensitive, the strength of the other was a lot to take in. He wasn't a masochist when it came to massage, even when it was given by the only person he had given permission to touch him in ways like that.
But in certain parts, it felt really good. Lanzhou was grateful during those moments when he gave in and just let Ce'an give him the feeling. Even though he knew that ultimately it wouldn't cure him, it was still a pleasant experience for a mere mortal who had a full-time job and was reaching the age where his body was starting to give out. Not entirely, but there were still major differences compared to his early 20s. That was an interesting part of his life that he didn't need to remember at this time.
Lanzhou knew that his own physical strength was far from being comparable to Ce'an's, but the massage inspired him to give him one back one day. On a day when there wouldn't be risks of him falling asleep on top of the other. Lanzhou still had no idea at what moment exactly his fatigued body would finally give out, but he felt that the day was nearing.
"Ow!" Lanzhou cried out.
"Not here, got it."
"I'm not feeling like I'm gonna sleep any time soon after this..."
"Shh..." Xiao Chiye calmed him down. "Don't think about that. Just enjoy this. Head empty. No thoughts."
Easier said than done. Shen Zechuan still tried to follow the orders... as cliche as it sounded, he tried to imagine himself on the beach. Instead of being massaged with massage oil, Xiao Chiye covered his body in sunscreen as if they were somewhere in the South with an eternal summer. It was hard to picture when nothing in the room hinted at it even remotely, but an attempt was made and the ultimate picture of it in his mind was quite nice. Nice enough to make happen for real sometime in the future.
It's been a long dream of his to go on vacation with the other. Somewhere where they could just get grilled like a pair of shrimp under the sun. The image of Xiao Chiye almost undressed was never a fail, either, even though for now it wasn't the best idea to go anywhere further in that fantasy.
As a final blow to state that the massage was over, Ce'an left a light kiss on the other's nape. That bastard, he was very well aware of what it caused.
"I need a shower..." Lanzhou muttered.
"If you're too tired, just go to sleep. I will change the sheets tomorrow."
"No, no. It feels gross. I'll get up in just a minute. Thank you for this, Ce'an."
"Okay," Xiao Chiye nodded although Lanzhou couldn't see it due to having his face in the pillow. Xiao Chiye was nervous to ask how he was able to breathe like that, but then remembered that at times, his boyfriend was simply not human. "I just need to wash my hands."
That ended up being one of the laziest showers of his entire life as Lanzhou's body was still overly relaxed from the previous massage. Even with that on his hands, it was still better than not taking one at all. He scrubbed himself from the weird feeling of oil at the speed of light and hurried back into bed to lay next to Xiao Chiye who had already gotten comfortable there. Ce'an smelled nice as always from the shower he had previously taken, and Lanzhou moved up to him with a sudden need to take a different position for the night. He didn't have a problem with how they'd been sleeping for the entity of their previous times, but there was no need to fight against an impulsive change when one's intuition called for it.
Lanzhou leaned against Ce'an's chest, sighing softly. Xiao Chiye placed his hand around Lanzhou's body, and the natural warmth of the man's body immediately made it feel as if he was under a snug blanket. He could genuinely lay like that for the rest of his life and have no regrets by the end of it, only feeling bad about causing Ce'an hand to go numb. It would be a mighty sacrifice and Shen Zechuan knew he was willing to make it. Shen Zechuan's palm moved to rest on top of the older man's stomach, the area he found comfort in touch from time to time as it was different to his own. They stayed like that for a restful bit, tired from the mutual day of working.
"Is something off?" Xiao Chiye suddenly spoke, making Lanzhou look up at him in surprise. He was not getting where that was coming from.
"Hm?" he hummed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You've been tapping a tinger on my stomach for a few minutes now," Ce'an explained.
Shen Zechuan barely noticed that he was doing something like that. He took a look at his hand on top of Xiao Chiye's abdomen, unsure as to how he should answer. Huh... it definitely took him a few seconds to grasp his actions as it began so unconsciously. That didn't happen often to him, although it was probably common for the majority of people. The last time Ce'an pointed that out, Lanzhou was humming a song to himself without realizing his newborn habit.
"I was..." Lanzhou looked back at Ce'an. "I was tapping along your heartbeat. Is that peculiar?"
"No, no," Ce'an immediately started reassuring the other. "I was just wondering. Maybe you had something else on your mind."
"I just zoned out," Shen Zechuan sighed. "I didn't even notice I was doing it at first. I think your heartbeat calms me down, that's why."
"What, it didn't skip a beat?"
Lazhou could tell Xiao Chiye thought he was absolutely hilarious with that one. Out of pure love he had for him, the younger was ready to do a lot for Ce'an, but this was not the case. His brows furrowed in confusion and disgust, instead, making Xiao Chiye laugh. Lanzhou took the comfortable position on the other's chest again and continued with the same thing he was previously doing. This time as he was aware of listening to Ce'an's heart, it became an obvious thing that there was a relaxing factor for him. As he relaxed into it, Xiao Chiye brushed Lanzhou's hair for the night. It was another small thing part of his routine — realizing he quite liked sensing his scalp being freed for at least a couple of hours, even if it was during the night.
How come he's never paid external attention to this? Sure, Lanzhou sometimes stayed on top of Ce'an while they were watching TV, but his mind was occupied with other things. He'd heard the other's heartbeat before, of course, but hadn't completely focused on it before. Now that he had, though... it was nice. Really nice, actually. Nice enough to make Lanzhou forget about the rest of the world while his mind was occupied by it. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound.
Whatever magic it had, it worked. Shen Zechuan ended up waking up the next day without a single clue as to how he fell asleep in the first place. He was sincerely confused once his eyes were open again and there was broad daylight in their bedroom instead of having to welcome the darkness to stare at the ceiling yet again. He blinked in confusion, forgetting about the fact that he could ask Xiao Chiye about the whole situation.
Turns out, Lanzhou fell asleep right there on Ce'an's chest last night. Without saying goodnight or anything, his mind wandered off without waking up a single time during the night. Hearing about it made Shen Zechuan even more confused, but he eventually came to accept that miracles existed, after all. A certainly weird miracle, but one nevertheless. He should have expected that something like Ce'an's heartbeat would end up being the solution all along. A solution only for now. Once again, he wasn't going to fall into the trap for a second time. It was going to be nice while it lasted, but the existence of peaceful nights wasn't enough for the problem to vanish.
Xiao Chiye was deeply proud of himself that he ended up helping Lanzhou after all, even if it wasn't directly through his own actions. Ever since that day, he was even more eager for Lanzhou to sleep than the actual victim in that situation. He opened his arms for Lanzhou to lay in his embrace each night like the proud boyfriend that he was. Shen Zechuan found it incredibly sweet, of course, even though he was scared about how long would this effect last. He knew that deep down, Ce'an had the same worry. He didn't keep it hidden for long as Xiao Chiye continued to look for a suitable doctor for Lanzhou, telling the other man to not worry about it any longer and that he would handle it properly this time.
It was true that Lanzhou's body had enough on its plate as it was, even though he could have looked for a doctor himself.
It took Lanzhou's body time to get used to proper sleeping again, so he wasn't skipping and hopping from excitement just yet. Despite the sudden change and his system fighting due to it, it was a much-preferred change to what there was previously. Waking up in the morning became a whole new experience. Before, it never took Lanzhou more than a couple of seconds to get used to the light in the room. As of now, he had a hard time even telling where he was once the nightly dream was over. His eyes opened at the speed of a snail, and they barely managed to be open for longer than a couple of seconds. Without fail, every time, it felt like he had awoken from a hibernation that lasted for a minimum of three months.
Xiao Chiye was the only one who found it endearing, looking at the tripled mess of Lanzhou's hair each morning. The look Lanzhou was given was enough to accept the state of himself and leave it as something worthy to exist.
Ce'an would come up to him and sit on Lanzhou's side of the bed. Every morning, he would ask him how he was feeling and give him the same genuine peck on the forehead, making Shen Zechuan melt into it and think that there was nothing better than this. Xiao Chiye also made sure to ask him the same question every morning, even with the knowledge of Lanzhou's preferences, but it was just in case the other felt surprisingly spontaneous out of nowhere.
"What do you wanna have for breakfast?" Ce'an would ask.
Lanzhou put on the little actor inside of him to play, making it seem like he had to think about it. "French toast," he would answer every time.
After Lanzhou was in the kitchen after washing his face, the pair of toasts on matching plates were already on the table.
***
Yet another morning. Lanzhou could feel the light in the room even with his eyes closed due to the sounds coming from the window and not feeling Ce'an by his side. It was always preferred to wake up with the other man by his side, but it also meant that Xiao Chiye was already somewhere in the kitchen, which was a good thing on its own.
Shen Zechuan rolled over on his back and finally opened his eyes. The white ceiling welcomed him yet again, but there was no despair in witnessing that image. The brightness of the day made the room lively and an area that was pleasant to wake up to after a deep sleep. The progress of regulating and stabilizing it wasn't the easiest in the world, but that was the best kind of problem Lanzhou has had in a while. Sometimes, Lanzhou still woke up in the middle of the night and felt the annoying wave of anxiety. As time went on, it became less resentful to fall asleep during those sudden wakings. Sometimes, he fell back asleep immediately. Sometimes, not so fast. It was a wild curve of this and that, but ultimately, it was beginning to form into something more on the positive side.
Sleeping on Ce'an's chest and listening to the man's heartbeat ended up being far from being a one-time thing. It didn't take long for Lanzhou to start looking forward to doing it every night. It happened all so quickly that Shen Zechuan didn't even have the time to wonder whether it was weird of him or not as if the reality of that thought would have changed anything. As long as both got something positive out of it, the outside didn't matter in this even one bit.
Going to the doctor was also something Lanzhou had gathered the courage to make happen once more when it was the only way out of this, even if it hadn't been the most linear so far. It was safe to say that Ce'an was his lifesaver yet again, but it wasn't due to a miracle. As he had promised, he made sure to keep track of possibilities and sorted a course of action for Lanzhou. Xiao Chiye's plan almost made Shen Zechuan feel like they were at work with how overly serious the other was, but Lanzhou was aware that it was just his way of showcasing support because as expected, he had found the fitting specialist for him. Once Lanzhou finally felt like there was progress with the problem also medically, and officially, he almost felt an out-of-body experience. Who would have thought that it was a challenge to achieve that even when you're the one paying money?
Many things about possible treatment were right on his part, but there was also a lot he didn't know about. Lanzhou never assumed he was more knowledgeable than others, but his own pride took the best of him at times. Something like cognitive behavioural therapy came to him as news and it took him a moment to register the chances of going through it. It pretty much started a new chapter in his life and even with all the ways it made him feel peculiar at first, he was at a point in life where he was willing to do anything in order to accept and work on the problem. It wasn't like he was put to stand on the glass on a daily basis to work through it, no, it was a lot less intimidating in reality. For that, Shen Zechuan was just simply happy. The worst was already behind him, that was most likely.
Without a need in the world, Lanzhou finally stood up and took his sweet time stretching. He wasted no time going where he knew the other man was by the smell of the food, and the sight ended up not disappointing, making Shen Zechuan get attached to Ce'an's back in no time. He jumped ever so slightly in surprise at Lanzhou's sudden contact not realizing he was already there from the way he always walked so quietly. Today, the older didn't manage to witness Lanzhou waking up right by his side and going through the routine of asking him what he wanted to eat. For the first time in a while, Lanzhou didn't feel like staying in bed for an additional hour, wanting to feel the other's warmth as soon as possible.
"Morning," Shen Zechuan muttered into the muscular back as he hugged the man. He nuzzled into the area where he knew the tattooed wolf's head was.
Xiao Chiye placed down the spatula he'd been holding and turned to face Lanzhou. Unlike the younger man, Ce'an was already looking fresh and ready to move forward with the day. He even combed his hair as neatly as he did for work, making Lanzhou want to ruin it by running his hands through it. He resisted the impulsive thought and instead, gave him a peck on the cheek, not wanting to ruin the mood with his morning breath.
"Morning, Lanzhou," Ce'an said, tilting his head in curiosity. "How are you feeling?"
Lanzhou didn't have to think for long.
"Well rested."