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Jim paced his quarters in agitation. Damn. The last mission had gone great. He’d succeeded in achieving the goals of the mission. Admiral Komack, uncharacteristically, expressed approval. No one got hurt. He’d had a great night with one of the locals. Spock even found some great Science-y stuff that he was currently nerding over.
So, why wasn’t he happy?
Without any forethought, Jim exited his quarters. He nodded to a passing ensign, but otherwise did not meet anyone. With how late at night it was, it didn’t surprise him.
He turned abruptly and entered one of the observation decks, not bothering to even turn on the light. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He’d achieved so much in his life that he’d always dreamed of. Youngest captain in the fleet. Roaming the stars. Making something of himself. Earning the esteem of his crew. Success with women. Yet, in all of that, there was still something missing.
He’d lost track of time when the swish of the door opening made him straighten.
“Lights, 50%,” said a familiar voice – Spock’s.
Jim blinked a little as the lights came on, happy that Spock showed enough consideration to not make them 100% right away. “Spock,” Jim greeted.
“Captain. I stopped by your quarters, and when I did not find you, the computer informed me that you were here.” His tone implied a question.
“Yeah, well. Just needed some time to think, is all,” Jim admitted. Spock had to be used to this particular quirk of his by now.
“Indeed.” Spock hesitated. “You seem rather disquieted. Considering the success of our latest mission, I find this anomalous.”
“Yeah, well, humans don’t make much sense, do they?” Jim mused ruefully.
“While you show some emotional volatility, I generally do not find your logic lacking,” Spock assured him. “You must have a reason.”
Jim stared at him. Sharing this with Spock, the most emotionally repressed being on the ship, seemed like a very bad idea. Yet, bad ideas had never stopped him before. Hell with it. “Do you ever feel like something is missing in your relationships?”
Dead silence.
Yeah, Spock didn’t get it.
“Never mind, Spock.” Jim stood and turned to go back to his quarters. He halted when he felt a hand lightly touch his shoulder.
“Jim.” Spock’s voice was quiet, gentle. “I believe the word you are looking for is intimacy.”
Jim turned around, surprised.
“Since you have experienced sexual intimacy fairly regularly, I can only conclude that you are feeling a lack of emotional intimacy.”
Great. Now he was being psychoanalyzed by Spock. He raised a hand, forestalling what he believed Spock would say next – that Jim needed to see a doctor something. “I don’t need to see Bones, Spock. It’s just the way it is for the captain of a starship. I’ll deal with it.” He started to leave again.
“You do not have to deal with it alone.”
Jim turned back to Spock. What was Spock implying? Was he really saying what he sounded like he was saying?
“Emotional intimacy is composed of a large subset of human emotions. Deep sharing, interest, gentleness, kindness, openness, authenticity, connection, appreciation, joy, stimulation, cooperation, mutual desires and benefits, inspiration, relaxation, fun, freedom, and the mastermind concept are commonly accepted characteristics of this state. Though I may not be emotional, I believe I can offer a suitable partnership to satisfy your desire without causing any breakage of protocol.”
Jim continued to stare at Spock as if he’d never seen him before. They’d hung out a lot lately, building a friendship, so Jim didn’t feel like Spock was doing this out of obligation. Yet, he still didn’t quite get what Spock was planning to do.
“You can start by telling me what you think of this arrangement, in detail.” Spock paused, his eyes flicking away for a brief second. “Have I erred?”
“Uh, no, no,” Jim stated. “What I mean is…what do you mean?”
Spock raised a brow. “Up until now, our conversations have been what I would classify as ‘superficial.’ One of the benefits of the arrangement is the addition of more meaningful conversation.”
Jim’s head began to clear. In a very blunt, yet overly detailed way, Spock was asking to be his bestest, bestest friend. Damn, but that made him ridiculously gooey inside. Or, was he implying more? He’d said that the conversations would be just one of the benefits. Jim decided to table that for now. He smiled. “Spock, buddy, all you had to do was ask,” Jim said, slapping Spock on the shoulder, dispelling his awkward tension.
Spock studied him for a second. “You appear to be much improved. I believe this is the correct course of action.”
Jim smiled again, thinking. “Did you need something? When you came looking for me, it must have been for a reason.”
“I wished to share my latest discoveries from the planet.” He paused. “I found pondering them in solitude to be…disquieting.”
Jim smiled. Looked like Spock felt the same way after all.