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There was a certain stillness to the atmosphere that made Ushijima feel overwhelmingly calm. It was as if the entire aura around him had shifted with a feeling of ease and tranquility.
He wasn’t sure why things seemed different in that moment, but he thumbed the indention in the volleyball that was being held in his hands and wandered his gaze around the campus. He picked up his bag from the ground and made his way to the dormitory to find his dorm room.
Not much was going through his mind as he passed by a few people in the hallways. A lot of them paid no mind to him. He was silently thankful that no one was murmuring about him. Lots of high schoolers would talk about him because of his status in volleyball. It didn’t necessarily bug him, but it was a nice change to hear nothing about him as he walked by people.
Once he reached his dorm room, he pulled out his key only to find that the doorknob had already been unlocked.
He stuck his key back into his pocket and opened the door. It was almost dramatic the way the door slowly opened out in front of him. Behind it was a decently-sized room with a bed on each side of it. There were closets placed against the walls on both sides of the room, and a dresser was placed on only one side of the room. A window made itself at home above the left side bed, and a nightstand was placed beside the right side bed.
A pair of cloudy blue eyes met his gaze. They were round with surprise, and his roommate’s mouth gaped open.
Ushijima watched as he stood up quickly and walked over to him.
“H-hi. Hi. I’m Moniwa Kaname,” he introduced himself. “Do you… need any help with your stuff?”
Ushijima’s gaze didn’t waver as he only shook his head and walked past Moniwa. He set his things down on his bed and started to unpack his belongings. He felt Moniwa’s eyes on him and turned around slowly to look at him.
“Do you need something?” he asked him.
Moniwa became flustered and rubbed the back of his head. Laughing nervously, he said, “No. No. I just… You’re Ushijima Wakatoshi, right?”
“I am.” Ushijima figured it was only a matter of time before somebody recognized him.
“You are an amazing volleyball player,” Moniwa began to exclaim. His eyes glossed over with admiration.
“Were you on a team?” Ushijima asked him casually. He pulled out some of his things from his bag and glanced back over at Moniwa.
“I was the former captain of Date Tech High School,” Moniwa said rather proudly with a smile that seemed to make him sparkle. “We’re well known for our Iron Wall. Our blockers are amazing, and they’ve really improved since I’ve left the team.”
He seemed full of pride with that statement of his team improving a lot since he’d left. Ushijima found it rather odd that he’d be so happy over that fact.
“Were you not a good player?” he inquired. He didn’t mean it in an offensive way. Ushijima just had a way of saying things that came to mind. He’d been told several times that he could be very blunt about things. He was never bothered by that though.
Moniwa blinked and turned pink in the face. He let air flow out of from his mouth. It sounded like he was trying to give off a laugh, but it just came out as a short breath of hot air.
“I think I was pretty decent,” Moniwa told him in a humble manner. “I was the setter, so I didn’t shine as brightly as our spikers or blockers.”
Ushijima looked at him squarely. Moniwa’s breath got caught in his throat at the unwavering look in Ushijima’s eyes.
My, they’re very intense yet subtly… calming, Moniwa remarked.
“I want to see you set,” Ushijima said. He picked up his volleyball from the bed and held it in both of his hands. The way that Moniwa’s face drastically changed mildly amused Ushijima, though he didn’t quite give that emotion away. He held the ball out to Moniwa, saying, “There’s a gym down the street. We can go there.”
Moniwa hesitated as he took the volleyball from his new roommate.
He had to admit that Ushijima was intimidating. The way that his face seemed stone cold and the way that his eyes seemed to be unable to falter with different emotions struck Moniwa as scary. But there was a detectable calmness to Ushijima that Moniwa could feel, too.
He’d heard the stories about how powerful Ushijima was at volleyball. He’d heard many things about this incredible player: the ace of Shiratorizawa. Even now, the name of the school sent a chill down Moniwa’s spine.
“A-are you sure? I mean, you’ve just arrived. Don’t you want to rest first?” Moniwa asked rather quickly.
“No,” Ushijima said. “I want to spike.”
Moniwa pressed his lips together and nodded. “Alrighty then… Um, you lead the way?”
Ushijima opened the door to the dorm room and walked out of the room first, Moniwa following him with a bit of distance.
Ushijima noticed the distance that Moniwa was purposely putting between them. Ushijima wasn’t quite sure why that bothered him, but he didn’t say anything. He picked up on the nervousness that had Moniwa squeezing the volleyball too tightly and had his eyes glancing aimlessly around as they walked to the gym.
Why is he so nervous?
Ushijima focused his attention ahead, feeling a sudden ease waft over him again. It was that same feeling he’d felt when he’d first gotten to the campus. The gentle breeze blew at his face, making his hair swish to the side, and his eyes narrowed against the wind. Despite the chilly spring air, he felt genuinely warm. That feeling was leaving his body at such a relaxing temperature that he couldn’t help but wonder what was causing this feeling in the first place.
He’d almost forgotten the silence when he heard Moniwa squeak suddenly.
He stopped and saw the volleyball fall from Moniwa’s hands and roll over to his feet. Moniwa stood up straight and gained his composure before apologizing to Ushijima with a bow.
“I-I’m sorry.” His voice was quavering, and Ushijima furrowed his brows as he bent down to pick up the ball.
“What happened?”
“Nothing, nothing,” Moniwa assured him hastily by waving his hands out in front of him. “I just lost my footing, is all. I’m just really clumsy.” He gave out a forced laugh and rubbed the nape of his neck.
“You’re too nervous,” Ushijima commented. “How can you set to me properly if you’re this anxious?”
Moniwa’s eyes popped open to their fullest. Surprised, Moniwa gaped at Ushijima and left his mouth open, but no sounds came out.
He mulled over his words inside of his brain. Everything seemed so jumbled, and Moniwa felt his breath come out into a shaky sigh before his words were flung outside of his mouth. “I’m sorry! Truthfully, I’m just… a bit intimidated,” he admitted.
Ushijima didn’t seem fazed. After all, Moniwa didn’t expect him to be. He’d always seemed so together from the images he’d seen of him and the matches Moniwa had seen him play in whenever he would catch them on TV.
“Do you feel intimidated because you’re not good?” Ushijima asked him.
Moniwa blinked at him as his mouth hung slightly open. He pressed his lips together and nodded slowly, rubbing the back of his head. His curls became tangled in his fingers on purpose as he began to twist the hair on the back of his head from nervousness.
“I-I mean, I’m not anything to talk about. I was never an extraordinary player, and no one ever brought out any potential in me. I was just a setter, after all,” Moniwa said with a hint of regret as he looked down at the sidewalk. “But… I’ve seen some amazing setters before. Kageyama Tobio—he’s from Karasuno High School—was a setter that could bring out such a powerful force in his teammate—”
“—Hinata Shouyou,” they both said in unison.
Moniwa blinked and looked up at Ushijima. His gaze softened when he remembered something. “You had a match against them, didn’t you?”
Ushijima nodded.
“They were an amazing team,” Moniwa commented listlessly. “As a setter, I could never compare to Kageyama.”
Ushijima locked his eyes on Moniwa. His eyes were pristine, leaving Ushijima with a confused thought as to why he’d even think that in the first place.
Ignoring the thought, he held the ball out to Moniwa. Without a word from Ushijima, Moniwa slowly reached for the ball and held it in his grasp.
“Then improve,” was all Ushijima told him.
Moniwa’s eyes glistened over with a small sparkle.
“I-I… I don’t… I’m not doing volleyball anymore. You’re still on a team, right? Maybe you should find more qualified people to practice with.”
“I don’t know what kind of setter I’m going to have.” Ushijima began to walk away from Moniwa, prompting him to catch up to him. “You can still practice with me for the time being.”
Moniwa leaned forward at Ushijima’s side to lift a brow up at him.
Ushijima glanced at him and halted in front of the gym. He faced him. “I’m sorry if I’m pushing you though. I just need someone to set for me while I can’t practice with my team.”
Moniwa felt his mouth curl up into a smile.
“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”
Moniwa felt his eyes wanting to open. He was reluctant to let himself wake up, but he knew that he needed to go to his classes. He pressed his hands down on the bed and pushed himself up to sit. Stretching, he made sure not to make too many morning noises.
He blinked his weighing eyelids and ran his tongue across his lips. Yawning, he groggily looked across the room to find his roommate still asleep. It was unusual to see him still sleeping. Ushijima was always up by now—dressed and out jogging before their classes or his practice with his team.
It was rare to see Ushijima so relaxed. His hair was unkempt and clinging to his forehead. He had one of his arms underneath his pillow and was hugging it with his mouth open just a tad, letting a soft trimmer of air out as he slept.
Even when he’s sleeping, he’s cute, Moniwa couldn’t help but think.
He ran his hand up his cheek and blushed to himself. It’d already been two-thirds of the school year since he’d first been fated as Ushijima’s roommate. He’d figured it would be a lot harder to deal with such a superstar volleyball player. He’d expected to be pulled into his antics and obsession with volleyball, but it was the complete opposite.
Ushijima had a quiet fondness for the game that Moniwa had to admire. He could become extremely intense, but he never seemed to let that get to him outside of the court much. Watching him develop his skills into something much finer than the ones he’d had in high school was also a treat that Moniwa was thankful to be witnessing. And Ushijima always asked in a polite way if Moniwa would set to him on off days from practice. Moniwa found himself enjoying their time together.
It was strange being roommates with Ushijima. Having him here made Moniwa feel comfortable and pleasant. He knew Ushijima’s schedule, and it hardly ever changed. There were a lot of predictable things about the volleyball player, and Moniwa found peace in knowing how Ushijima’s day was going to go.
Running his hand over his dark, messy curls, Moniwa grinned to himself and stood up from his bed. He walked over to his roommate and gently poked his nose.
It didn’t take even a second for Ushijima to stir in his sleep.
“You must be tired, Waka-chan,” Moniwa said as he pulled the curtains to the window that hung over Ushijima’s bed apart. The sunshine filtered in and beat down onto Ushijima’s exposed arm.
Ushijima opened his eyes in that moment and looked up to see the sun hitting Moniwa’s face like a heavenly glow. It brightened up his entire demeanor, and Moniwa smiled down at him.
Ushijima felt a pull in his chest at the sight.
Not now, he told himself.
He sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes, saying, “Waka…-chan?”
Moniwa laughed with that airy laugh of his that made the hairs on the back of Ushijima’s neck stand on end. He looked at Moniwa suddenly with a confused look on his face.
“Sorry,” Moniwa apologized, though he didn’t seem to mean it.
Ushijima had watched Moniwa grow these past couple of months. He’d become less embarrassed about saying things to him, and he’d flourished in a way that was very subtle. Ushijima had noticed the change in his character. He’d become less strict with himself. His self-doubt seemed to be leaving his mindset, and it was incredible to see the results of that. He was working hard and was beginning to believe in himself more.
Ushijima admired that.
“I can stick with ‘Ushijima’ if you want me to,” Moniwa said.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ushijima assured him. “It’s better than ‘Ushiwaka’ or ‘Ushiwaka-chan’ though.”
Moniwa was pulling out some clothes from his closet when Ushijima said that. He looked back at him and let his gaze lower. “Do those nicknames bother you? I’ve heard them before from others.”
Ushijima shook his head and stood up. Moniwa was still surprised by his height.
“They don’t bother me. I just prefer my actual name,” he admitted. He walked over to his own closet on his side of the room. He pulled out his things and looked back at Moniwa who was still staring at him. “But I can make an exception if it’s you.” And with that, he left the room to go to the showers.
Moniwa felt his body freeze.
If it’s me? What does that mean? Moniwa thought. He felt his heart bump against his chest. The blood rushed to his neck, and he felt the sudden warmth of a blush on his skin. He shut his closet door. Holding his things in one arm, he pressed his other hand on the door to the closet and closed his eyes as his face was faced downwards. I really am falling for him, aren’t I?
Ushijima leaned closer to Moniwa to read over his explanation to an answer on the sheet of paper before them. Moniwa felt Ushijima’s breath on his cheek and tried not to let his uneasiness known.
“Ah, I see how you got that now,” Ushijima said. He moved away from Moniwa and wrote down his answer for a similar problem. “Thank you for the help.”
Moniwa beamed.
“I never mind helping you,” he replied. He started to put his homework away with a small grin on his face.
Ushijima looked at him as Moniwa packed his things away. He felt content sitting next to his roommate on the floor as they sat in front of the small table. It was a normal thing to do their homework together. They had different classes, but they still asked each for help on subjects that they’d come to know that the other knew better.
Moniwa was helpful and kind. He was gentle and agreed to practice with Ushijima whenever he asked him to. He seemed eager to practice with Ushijima, and Ushijima found himself liking the former setter more and more each day. He was always finding out new tidbits about him that intrigued him.
“I once straightened my hair,” Moniwa had told him once through laughter. “It was awful.”
I like your curls, Ushijima had thought.
“Sometimes, I wish I had different colored eyes,” Moniwa had mentioned to him before. “Not many people have blue eyes around here. I feel a little out of place…”
I love your eyes, Ushijma had thought.
“I’m not the smartest,” Moniwa had said with a look on his face that made it seem like he’d been thinking of something bitter. “I can’t seem to get higher marks.”
“Just—”
Moniwa had suddenly beaten his fists down onto the lunch table with a look of willpower spreading across his face.
“But I’ll keep working hard,” he’d said.
Ushijima had blinked at him when he’d said that, thinking, I admire your determination.
Slowly and surely, Ushijima had come to adore Moniwa. He considered him a friend, not just a roommate. He’d come to like his random antics and his tender nature. He’d come to handle his doubt, even though he’d gotten better about it. He’d come to admire his wishful thinking and his thoughtfulness. He’d come to feel comfortable with his presence.
The feeling that he’d first felt on his first day at their dorm would only leave him whenever Moniwa wasn’t near him. He’d come to recognize that that peacefulness originated from his roommate, and he missed it whenever he wasn’t surrounded by that ease.
I’ve really fallen for you, Ushijima thought as he peered at Moniwa.
“Ka…” Ushijima swallowed. “Moniwa?”
Moniwa looked at Ushijima. “Yes?”
“Would you… like to go out with me to a restaurant?”
It took Moniwa a moment to register Ushijima’s words. He wasn’t sure how to respond for what seemed like forever. His thoughts were becoming jumbled, and he started to thumb the hem of his shirt.
“Um… You mean… like a… da—”
“It’ll be after my practice tomorrow. You have a test tomorrow, too. We can go get something to eat afterwards,” Ushijima interrupted him.
Oh… Of course. Like it would be a date…
“Sure.” Moniwa nodded. “Yes, that’ll be fine!”
Ushijima nodded in acknowledgement and picked up the small table and put it away.
Why did I interrupt him? Ushijima thought with subtle misery.
He let his eyes rake across the room to find Moniwa sitting on his bed now. His shoes were at the foot of his bed, and Ushijima noticed Moniwa’s mix-matched socks. One sock was teal with a white tip where the toes were supposed to be underneath the cloth. The other sock was a rich maroon color. The tip of that was white as well.
The colors were odd together, but Ushijima found it strangely soothing to see the colors next to one another, even if the socks didn’t match at all.
He must’ve been staring for too long because Moniwa looked at his face and then followed his gaze. He laughed nervously and let his feet face each other in a shy manner.
“I know my socks don’t match. I thought it’d be fun to mix-match them while in the room. Silly, right?” He rubbed the back of his neck with that reservation he’d had when they’d first met.
Ushijima let a smile creep up onto his lips. His smile was soft and genuine as he looked back at Moniwa.
A lump of air got caught in Moniwa’s throat when he saw Ushijima’s grin and felt his cheeks flush.
“I don’t mind it,” Ushijima said, his eyelids lowered in fondness.
a;lkjfa;lkjdfa;lskgjaslgj, Moniwa thought. Nothing was correlating inside of his mind, and he suddenly felt hot.
“I’m… glad,” he said breathlessly.
Ushijima kept the smile on his face as he nodded to Moniwa in farewell and left the room with his pajamas and toothbrush that he’d gathered while talking to Moniwa.
As soon as he left, Moniwa lied back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling with his eyes outstretched.
“O-oh, my god… He smiled…” He clutched his heart and found himself licking his lips when they’d become dry. “I’m…” He covered his face up. “I’m in love…”
Ushijima leaned against the wall at the corner of the hallway. No one was around to hear him say, “I find him cute…” He glanced around the corner and on the other side with narrowed eyes. Leaning back against the wall, he grabbed at his shirt right above his heart, careful not to let his things fall from his other arm. “I’m in love…”
Ushijima had always had nerves of steel. He’s always been confident and put together. Perhaps some of that steel had melted away in his last year of high school, but he was still a confident person who rarely lost that radiating aura of togetherness.
But Ushijima had lost everything.
He felt like a completely different person as he kept checking his reflection in the mirror to see if his shirt was buttoned up properly and to see if his hair was sticking out anywhere. He checked his teeth and blinked at himself in the mirror when he couldn’t recognize himself.
I look too nervous, he told himself. I need to calm down. It’s just Moniwa. It’s just dinner. It’s not a date.
He cleared his throat and exited the restroom and walked outside of the dormitory. He heard the shuffle of some shoes as a familiar face bounded over to him.
Moniwa had his coat on, a scarf wrapped around his neck, and his bag in his hand.
“I’m sorry! Did I keep you waiting long?” He bowed apologetically and pulled his scarf down to be heard more clearly. “The class let out late after our test.”
“I haven’t been here long,” Ushijima promised him. “Are you ready?”
Moniwa nodded with a grin and followed Ushijima to the car. He placed his book bag into the backseat, and they both got into the car. Moniwa loosened his scarf even more and took off his gloves.
“It’s really cold today,” he started to say as he slowly turned to look at Ushijima in the driver’s seat. “Are you not cold in that thin jacket? I feel like I need another coat!”
“I’m fine,” Ushijima said.
Moniwa laughed lightly. “Maybe I’m just cold-natured. I’m honestly freezing.” He shivered and rubbed his bare hands together to warm them up. “I hope the heat kicks in soon.”
“I have my coat in the backseat if you want to put that on, too,” Ushijima offered.
Moniwa grinned lightly. “Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll warm up once the heat kicks in and we get to the restaurant. How was practice, by the way?”
“The setter is getting much better,” Ushijima told him.
“Oh?” Moniwa’s insides bubbled with a tiny bit of envy. He wished that he could be Ushijima’s setter at all times, but Ushijima’s team was remarkable. Even if Moniwa had joined the team, there was no way that he’d be a regular.
“I still prefer your sets,” Ushijima added fondly. “You set very well to me.”
Moniwa pulled his scarf off, feeling hot suddenly. “I-I’m sure that’s not true. Your setter must be fantastic if they’re on your team.”
Ushijima shrugged. “They are, but they’re not you.”
Moniwa didn’t say anything else. He looked down at his hands, wringing his thumbs over one another in embarrassment. Ushjima was so blunt about things, and Moniwa would still get surprised whenever he would compliment him. It was like Ushijima was sucking all of the breath out of Moniwa whenever he would say something like that to him.
“Are you still cold?” Ushijima asked after a few minutes.
“Not anymore.”
Ushijima watched Moniwa with interest. He watched how his face lit up whenever the waitress would come over to ask him something. He watched how polite he was. He watched how he would accidentally clack his teeth against his glass and make a small expression that only lasted for a few seconds. He watched how he’d twirl his fork exactly five times before lifting it up and placing the food into his mouth.
It was the small things that Ushijima wanted to notice about Moniwa. He wanted to make sure that he knew how he acted because he was in love with him, and he wanted to be in love with all of him. Every small thing that he did was almost mesmerizing.
He had it bad.
“This place is great, but don’t you think it’s a little expensive for just a dinner?” Moniwa asked him suddenly as he put another forkful of food into his mouth.
“I can handle the cost,” Ushijima assured him.
Moniwa put his fork down and looked at him with furrowed brows. “You? Don’t be ridiculous. I’m going to pay for my half.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Neither do I.” Moniwa smiled. “We can share on the bill. I wouldn’t feel right having you pay for everything. Italian food can be pretty pricey.”
Ushijima stared at him for a moment before nodding.
“Do you like it?” he asked, gesturing towards the plate of pasta in front of Moniwa.
Moniwa’s eyes gleamed. “Yeah! It’s amazing. You should try some.” Moniwa picked up a clean fork from Ushijima’s side and twirled it around five times and picked it up. He reached over to Ushijima from across the table and placed it near his mouth. “Here.”
Ushijima stared at it and then leaned forward to allow Moniwa to feed him the pasta. He nodded. “It’s good.”
“I love it,” Moniwa said, sitting back into his seat again. “I’d like to take some home, but there’s really not enough of it to do that.”
“Home?” Ushijima looked at him with slightly widened eyes.
Moniwa shrank down in his seat with embarrassment. “To the dorm…”
Ushijma nodded and finished his meal with one last bite.
The dorm does feel like home with him there, they both thought in unison.
Moniwa hummed as he placed a small nutcracker soldier on the nightstand beside his bedside. He fluffed up his beard and dusted off the top of his hat. He put his hands on his hips and admired the small table full of holiday cheer.
A tiny Christmas tree stood behind the nutcracker, decorated in traditional colors with a simple gold star resting at the very top of it. Moniwa had set down some fluffy, white fabric over the table to make it look like snow and had put a small present in front of the small Christmas tree.
“What’s that?” he heard Ushijima ask as his roommate entered the room.
Moniwa turned around and smiled.
“Just my little Christmas Corner. I’ve always been fond of the holiday,” he said happily. “I think it’s fun.” He smoothed out his sweater. On it was a reindeer with a brightly-colored nose as red as Moniwa’s own.
“Are you sick?” Ushijima seemed uncharacteristically concerned.
“Hmm?” Moniwa blinked at him. He sniffled and went over to open his closet to peer into the mirror on the inside of the door. “Oh. My nose is red, isn’t it?” He chuckled. “It’s probably just because it’s cold. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Ushijima asked. He walked over to him and looked at his face carefully. Moniwa’s cheeks began to match his nose. “You don’t look well.”
“I’m fine!” he quickly assured him, walking past him and going over to his bed. “I was outside a lot today trying to run some errands, so I probably just need to stay out of the cold for awhile.” He pressed his back up against the wall as he sat on his bed and reached over to grab his laptop out from underneath it.
Ushijima watched as he set his laptop up and went quiet for a few minutes. Ushijima wasn’t convinced and was worried that Moniwa had become ill.
“Moniwa, you should probably rest,” Ushijima advised. He was standing at Moniwa’s bedside now.
Moniwa looked up at him and scooted over. “I will, but let’s watch something first,” he said. Ushijima softened his gaze and sat down beside Moniwa. “I like to watch holiday movies before Christmas. Would you like to watch one with me?” He looked at Ushijima with hopeful eyes.
Ushijima couldn’t say no to those.
“I wouldn’t mind,” he told him.
Moniwa smiled and started the movie.
At some point during one of the movies, Ushijima had decided to hold the laptop to give Moniwa a break from doing so. Now, the laptop had carefully slid off the short bed and was now lying on the floor upside down and closed.
Moniwa’s arm was lying on top of Ushijima’s chest, and Ushijima had his arm around Moniwa in a protective way.
Both of them were sound asleep until Moniwa moved his arm up to his face and sneezed into it, thus waking both of them up.
Ushijima huffed from tiredness and blinked open his eyes. He looked beside him to find Moniwa blinking open his eyes as well and yawning from sleepiness.
“I guess we fell a…” Moniwa suddenly realized their positions and moved away from Ushijima, sitting up. “Sorry,” he quickly said.
“You don’t look so good,” Ushijima responded. He sat up and felt Moniwa’s forehead with the back of his hand. “You have a fever.”
“I— What? I do?”
Ushijima frowned. “Stay right here.” He got out of the bed and picked Moniwa’s laptop up and placed it onto the mattress next to him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll be right back,” he promised, hurrying out the door.
Moniwa stared after him and put his hand up to his chest with a gulp. “I can’t believe we fell asleep like that…” he said aloud, his heart pounding.
Ushijima stood outside the door and overhead Moniwa, feeling his face heating up. He wasn’t sure if Moniwa was just embarrassed or feeling the exact same way that he was, but Ushijima pushed those concerns away and left the building to go to the corner store.
Ushijima opened the door again to find that Moniwa had changed into his bed clothes and was now underneath the covers, shivering from chills.
“I’m sorry that it took so long,” he apologized. He pulled out some medicine and opened up the box. “I should’ve gotten here sooner. You’re having chills now.”
Moniwa smiled up at him weakly. “It’s nothing.” He coughed abruptly.
“Moniwa…” He opened the package and readied Moniwa’s medicine. “Here, take this and get some sleep.” He helped Moniwa sit up and handed him the medicine cup. Moniwa downed it quickly and plopped back down onto his pillow, coughing immensely and sniffling. “I’ll be fine in the morning.” He shivered again. “I’m… I’m fi..ne.”
Ushijima placed the medicine bottle and cup down near Moniwa’s Christmas Corner and grabbed an extra blanket out from his closet. He went over and put it on top of Moniwa. “Get some sleep.”
Moniwa nodded with his eyes closed, already drifting away.
Ushijima lowered his gaze and looked down at him sadly. He’d never seen Moniwa sick before. He’d known him for months now, even spending time with him during their breaks by staying at their dorm instead of going someplace else, and Ushijima hadn’t ever seen him become ill before.
Get well soon… he thought as he looked down at Moniwa.
Christmas was approaching fast. Once it got here, Ushijima and Moniwa would be forced back into their classes. Ushijima had found it nice to be spending all of their breaks from schoolwork in their dormitory with Moniwa. Neither one of them found it strange that they wouldn’t be visiting their families during the breaks. Both of their families understood that they’d rather not travel so far from their university.
But Moniwa’s sickness was still ongoing. Ushijima had been trying to help him get well, but Moniwa was still weak and coughing. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be well in time for the holiday or their classes. He was afraid that Moniwa might have something more serious.
“Moniwa,” he said one day as Moniwa was sitting up in his bed, eating from a bowl of soup that Ushijima had made for him, “you don’t seem to be getting any better. Maybe you should visit the doctor.”
Moniwa stopped eating and looked over at him from the other side of the room.
“The doctor? I’m fine. I’m feeling much better, actually.”
“Are you sure?”
“This is the first day that I’ve felt so well. If I just keep taking the medicine, I should be fine in a day or two.”
“It’s been a week…”
“A day or two more, and I’ll be well again. I promise.”
“You promise?”
Moniwa chuckled at Ushijima’s face and nodded, lowering his eyelids with a smile. “I do. Thanks for taking care of me. I would’ve never asked you to.”
“I didn’t mind.”
“You never seem to mind, do you?” Moniwa said it teasingly, but Ushijima looked at him seriously.
“I…” Ushijima’s strong presence became weakened from shyness. He looked down at his hands and didn’t meet Moniwa’s gaze.
Moniwa placed his bowl on the nightstand and looked over at him in worry. “Waka-chan?”
“Moniwa, I like you.”
Moniwa’s eyes widened, and he stared at him. Did he hear him correctly? Did Ushijima just say that he liked him?
“P-Pardon?”
Ushijima finally looked up and looked over at Moniwa’s shocked expression. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that so abruptly.”
“I-in what way?” Moniwa questioned him.
Ushijima blinked. “In what way?”
“In what way do you like me?” He bit his lip, and Ushijima’s eyes widened.
“Do you like me, too?”
Moniwa slid down against his pillow and covered his face up with one of his blankets, burrowing himself underneath all of them the more he slid down into the bed. He felt embarrassed to admit it, but he said, “I tried not to make it so obvious…”
Although Moniwa was hidden underneath the blankets, Ushijima had heard him quite clearly. He stayed in his position on his bed, his heart beating against his chest like the low hum of an engine beginning to churn.
“I didn’t think that you’d ever like somebody like me.” Moniwa’s self-doubt was coming out again, and he pulled himself out from underneath the blankets once it had gotten too stuffy underneath them. He stared at his hands on the blankets, his face seemingly saddened. “I tried not to like you so much, but you’re charming in such a subtle way.” He looked over at Ushijima and smiled gently.
Ushijima let his eyes stare at Moniwa. He was quiet as he stood up and walked over to him. Moniwa looked up at him with a flushed face and found it heating up as soon as Ushijima placed his hand against his cheek. He bent down to Moniwa’s level and looked back into those pristine eyes that he found himself thinking about constantly.
“You’re exactly the person that I’d like,” he told him almost in a whisper.
Moniwa looked back at him with affection. He leaned closer to him as Ushijima pressed his lips to his. The touch was soft and left Moniwa feeling a bubbly sensation in the pit of his stomach. It was hard to understand what had just happened. It almost felt like a dream—a dream that had come true.
Moniwa hesitated, but he put his arms around Ushjima’s neck and pulled him closer to him, kissing him back with pleasure.
Ushijima ran his hands through Moniwa’s unkempt curls, finally feeling them for the first time since they’d met, something that he’d been hoping that he could do one day. Butterflies flapped inside of his chest, and he pulled his hands down to cup Moniwa’s face in his hands.
Moniwa’s eyes suddenly popped open, and he pushed Ushijima back. “You’ll get sick!” He put his hand over his mouth and stared back at Ushijima.
Ushijima carefully removed his hand and shook his head. “I don’t mind,” he told him.
“You should mind!” Moniwa replied. “I don’t want you getting sick and risk missing any of your classes or practice.”
Ushijima hung his head. “It’s too late for that. I’ll probably get sick.”
“Oh… This is all my fault.” Moniwa put his hands up to his cheeks with guilt.
Ushijima glanced at him and smiled. Moniwa turned his attention towards him. “What?”
“Do you mind if I stay here tonight?” Ushijima asked him politely, patting the spot beside Moniwa.
Blinking, Moniwa slowly shook his head. “I don’t mind…”
Ushijima got into the bed next to him, leaving Moniwa feeling flustered. Ushijima gingerly took hold of Moniwa’s hand. He looked back at him and said, “I don’t mind either.”
“You don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind if I get sick. Really.” He kissed Moniwa’s forehead. “Your fever is gone.”
I feel as if I’m going to get another one, Moniwa thought giddily.
“Goodnight, Ka… Moniwa,” Ushijima said, letting go of Moniwa’s hand.
“Goodnight, Waka-chan,” Moniwa whispered when Ushijima turned over to turn the light off.
Ushijima coughed into his fist and set down a small box next to the one underneath Moniwa’s little Christmas tree. He felt his chest and made a face full of discomfort.
“Waka-chan, do you wanna get lu—” Moniwa stopped talking and held the doorknob in his hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Ushijima quickly told him. “Do you still have some of that medicine left over?”
“I knew it! I knew you’d get sick!” He rushed over to him and felt his head. “No fever… That’s good.” He pulled out the cough medicine from a drawer and poured some of it into the medicine cup and handed it over to Ushijima. “Take this.”
Ushijima did as he was told and handed the cup back to Moniwa.
“I knew this would happen… I’m so sorry.” Moniwa looked at him with concern and guilt spreading across his eyes.
Ushijima pecked the top of his head and patted his shoulder as he walked past him. “It couldn’t be helped. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“Where are you going?” Moniwa questioned, watching him open the door.
“I’m just letting the coach know that I may not be in when practice starts up again.”
“I knew this would happen!” Moniwa put his hands up to his face again.
“Moniwa”—Ushijima looked at him sternly—“practice doesn’t start until the 26th.”
“But it’s the 23rd… I don’t think you’ll get well in just three days.”
“That’s why I’m telling my coach. It’s not your fault.”
Moniwa didn’t believe him, but he let him leave the room to go talk to his coach. His gaze drifted over to something shiny and noticed the neatly-wrapped packaged that had been placed down next to his. He picked it up carefully and read the tag on it.
“To: Kaname — Merry Christmas.” It was written in such neat handwriting, and Moniwa almost choked on air when he saw his first name.
He put the package back down and bit his lip, smiling against it.
Ushijima turned over in the bed to feel the empty space beside him. He rubbed his eyes and sat up to find that the room was dark, all except for the small trimmer of the light that made its way through the curtains on his abandoned side of the bedroom.
He looked up and noticed Moniwa standing over by the closets, pulling another one of his sweaters on over his head and pulling it down over his chest and stomach. He smoothed it out and checked the belt to his pants and then shut his closet door quietly.
“Good morning,” Ushijima greeted him.
Moniwa jumped and looked over at him. “I didn’t know you were awake…” he said. “Are you feeling any better?”
Ushijima coughed into the crook of his arm and sniffled, prompting Moniwa to sigh.
“You should rest,” Moniwa advised. He walked over to him and attempted to cover him up more, but Ushijima grabbed his wrists and looked up at Moniwa intensely.
“Merry Christmas,” he told him.
Moniwa’s eyelids blinked, and he smiled gingerly down at him. “Merry Christmas, Waka-chan. Get some sleep. I’ll be right back.” He kissed his hand and patted it before leaving the room, Ushijima watching after him from Moniwa’s bed.
Ushijima stared at the ceiling. He’d changed his clothes and made up the bed, but the blankets were wrinkled again as he lied there. His thoughts drifted around to several things. He mostly thought of how fortunate it was that he’d gotten Moniwa as a roommate.
Moniwa was sweet and kind. He was helpful. He was gentle. He was exactly what Ushijima hadn’t even known he’d needed in a person that he wanted to be with.
Ushijima had never thought much on romantic relationships. He’d always focused on his academics and volleyball and himself. He’d never even given romance a second thought.
But when Moniwa came into his life, he’d started to think differently. It wasn’t like he’d planned to fall this hard for him. He hadn’t planned on any of this. He wasn’t even searching for anything like this. But his heart wouldn’t allow him to shove these feelings aside. The emotions had grown from a friendly fondness to a small crush to a longing desire to wanting to be closer to Moniwa to loving him with what he felt like love was.
For Moniwa to return those feelings were worth it for him to have just blurted out that he liked him a few days ago. It made Ushijima feel a warm glow on the inside; a warm glow that he wished would never leave him.
He grinned to himself and sat up on the bed. He switched the tiny Christmas tree’s lights on and grabbed his coat, heading out the door.
“Oh, it’s f-freezing outside!” Moniwa said as he came back into the dorm room carrying a bag of cough drops and another bottle of medicine. “I should’ve taken a bigger coa—” He paused to find that the room was dark and empty. The only light was coming from the Christmas tree that he’d set up in the bedroom days ago. “Waka-chan?”
He turned the light on and found that his bed had been made but had been left with some wrinkles on the bedspread.
He frowned to himself.
He’s sick, and he’s left the room!
Moniwa turned around, the bag still in his hand, and snatched the door back open only to be met with a surprised expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“Waka-chan?!” His eyes were wide. “Where did you go?” He frowned. “You’re sick. You shouldn’t be out in this weather.”
Ushijima let himself go past Moniwa. He set a box down on the bed and then pulled out the small table that they would do their homework on and set it up in the middle of the room.
He looked back to Moniwa as he picked up the box and set it down on the table. “You shouldn’t be going out much either,” he commented. “You just got well yourself.”
Moniwa sighed and shut the door. “I got you some cough drops and more cough syrup,” he told him as he went and sat down in front of the table on his knees and put the bag on the tabletop.
He began taking off his coat as Ushijima thanked him. Ushijima pulled out two forks from his coat’s pocket and set them on the table after wiping them off with a napkin that he’d set beside the box. Moniwa gave them a raised brow as Ushijima opened up the polystyrene box.
Moniwa stared down at the food container.
“That’s that pasta that I’d gotten at the restaurant that we’d gone to,” he said in surprise.
“You said that you’d wanted to bring some home, but you didn’t have enough at the time.”
“So… you went and got some and brought it home.” Moniwa gave him a fond grin. His eyes softened with affection, and he found himself being thankful for Ushijima.
Moniwa really loved Ushijima. He hadn’t wanted to fall for somebody this quickly. He’d gone through months of trying to shove the feelings aside and telling himself that Ushijima didn’t like him.
He isn’t one for relationships, he’d tell himself.
He wouldn’t like someone like you anyway, he’d scold himself.
He has more important things to do than like someone, he’d try and convince himself.
As much as he wanted to believe his thoughts, Moniwa’s heart had other beliefs. Falling for someone that was usually very serious seemed like it would be a disaster, but Ushijima wasn’t just a serious guy.
Ushijima was a gentle giant. He was incredibly thoughtful and charming. Moniwa found him endearing, and he was always so polite. Moniwa had always thought that if he were to be in a relationship, he’d want to have someone who listened to him and would treat him the way that he deserved to be treated. But he never thought that he deserved to be treated this well.
Ushijima looked back at Moniwa and nodded, leaving Moniwa’s eyes gleaming with wetness.
“Thank you…” he said lowly, grinning.
Ushijima gave him a small smile and nodded again.
After they gave their thanks for the food, they ate quietly, speaking as much as they usually do while they shared their meal, just enjoying each other’s company. The takeout box was practically empty when Ushijima stood up from his spot on the floor and went over to the small Christmas tree. Moniwa’s eyes trailed after him with his fork in his mouth and his cheeks puffed out from the food inside of them.
Ushijima picked up the gift he’d gotten for Moniwa and sat back down across from him on the floor. He set the gift in front of Moniwa and folded his hands onto his lap.
“Merry Christmas, Ka…”—he took a deep breath—“Kaname.”
Moniwa’s eyes twinkled, and he stared down at the perfectly-wrapped gift.
“Waka-chan, you didn’t have to…” he said.
“I didn’t mind. I wanted to,” he assured him.
Before Moniwa decided to open it, he grabbed Ushijima’s gift from the table and scooted it over to him. “I got something for you, too,” he said, smiling.
Ushijima smiled back. “Let’s open them together.”
Moniwa nodded in agreement. They readied themselves and then opened their gifts with ease. Moniwa opened up the box that was underneath the wrapping paper and beamed with delight. He felt the fabric of the teal and rich maroon-colored scarf. It was made of soft material, and the pattern was that of diamonds.
He placed it around his neck as Ushijima watched him with fondness.
“You’re always cold, so I got you a thicker scarf. It matches your socks.”
Moniwa laughed airily. “It does. Thank you. I love it.”
“And I love this,” Ushijima responded. He held up the sweater to take a better look at it. It was a simple turtleneck, and the color was a dark shade of brown, similar to that of carob beans. Moniwa had remembered Ushijima mentioning to him that he found the color brown to be a warm color.
Moniwa hadn’t asked him why that was, but he felt compelled to ask now.
“I’m glad you like it. I was kind of nervous to give it to you,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. He softened his eyes and asked, “Say, why do you like brown so much?”
Ushijima took his jacket off to slip the sweater on over his T-shirt. He smoothed it down as he said, “It reminds me of simple things. Lots of hot beverages are brown. They make you feel warm and secure. Lots of sweets are brown. They’re sugary and fun to eat. The earth is also brown. It’s natural. I like the beautiful side of the color,” he stated.
Moniwa gaped at him and loosened his scarf.
“You’re not as intimidating as I’d thought when I’d first met you…”
“How so?”
“You’re just a gentle person with a serious overtone, is all.” He laughed and let his lips curve into another smile. He began to clean up the mess on the table and tossed the trash into the trashcan that wasn’t that far from them. Meanwhile, Ushijima had placed the table away.
He looked back at Moniwa on the floor as he sat with his back up against the bed, thumbing his scarf with care.
“Kaname?” Ushijima went and sat beside him.
“Hmm?” Moniwa turned to look at him.
“I’m glad that I met you.”
Moniwa’s eyes widened, and he blushed ferociously. He looked down at the carpet, gripping the scarf harder now, trying to hide his embarrassment through an averted gaze.
“You’re a kind person. Thank you for being my roommate,” Ushijima continued.
“I’m glad that I met you, too…” Moniwa finally answered. He looked back up slowly to meet Ushijima’s olive eyes. “Very glad.”
Ushijima leaned closer to him to kiss his lips as their insides warmed like an inflammation of love.
“I like brown,” Ushijima said as he released for a moment, “but I like the color of your eyes best.”
Moniwa blinked at him and snorted with laughter, pulling his face to his to kiss him again.
“I love you, Waka-chan,” Moniwa breathed out against the kiss.
Ushijima drew his hand over Moniwa’s curls and down to hold his hand in his lap. “I love you, too, Kaname.”
Moniwa smiled against his lips with contentedness. He pecked his lips a few times before asking, “And you don’t mind that you do?”
“I don’t mind if it’s you,” Ushijima replied, touching noses with Moniwa.
They both smiled warmly at each other.