Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If you ask Eddie, life is pretty good. 

His ribs are finally healed from the bridge collapse, and everyone is back to work. 

Chris is thriving, even if his sunshine son is a little moodier than normal as his teenage years settle in.  

His girlfriend, Marisol, is lovely. He learned from Ana about rushing into relationships, so they’re taking it slow, not introducing her to Chris right away, just getting to know each other in a romantic sense. It’s not perfect, he still feels like he’s doing a bit sometimes, but not nearly as much as he did with Ana, so he thinks it counts as progress. 

Buck is still with Natalia, and he seems happy. Eddie doesn’t necessarily understand that, since she was drawn in by his death and ran away from how full his life is once already, but nobody asked him, so he keeps his opinions to himself and focuses on his own relationships. 

Which is partially why he and Chris are in Texas right now, making a trip to visit his parents, since they’ve been working on rebuilding theirs. Chris is out of school for the summer, and he has some vacation days that he’s needed to use up, so it just made sense. 

Currently, Chris is with Abuela, because they ran out of buns and drinks at the house, so Eddie was volunteered to make a grocery trip. 

His sisters are visiting too, their spouses and children also running around, and he can’t deny how happy he is to have the whole family around again. 

He absentmindedly throws a couple 12-packs in the cart and pulls away, not really paying attention until he bumps into somebody else’s cart, jarring him out of his head. 

“Oh man , I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, are you alright?” He asks, and then pauses, recognizing the brunette who’s cart he just bumped into. “Elena?”

Her eyes light up in recognition before glancing off to the side, as if she’s looking into another aisle. “Eddie! Wow, it’s good to see you. You look different.” She says with a light laugh, and he smiles, leaning forward to give her a quick hug. 

Elena’s grandparent’s live in El Paso, and when she came down to visit them one summer when he was a teenager, she and Eddie got really close. 

As in, “she was the first person he ever slept with” close. 

She’s just as pretty now as she was back then, dark hair pulled back in a clip, lithe frame covered in shorts and a tee. There are a few more wrinkles around her charcoal lined eyes, but then again, she’s not the only one. He’s sure he doesn’t look 16 anymore either. 

“Yeah, it’s good to see you, too! Are you in town for a visit?” He asks, leaning his forearms on his cart and grinning. 

She was so sweet back in the day, and he really did enjoy hanging out with her, but she was only in town for the summer, and they lost touch almost immediately. Seeing her now makes him a little nostalgic for warm summer nights and the feeling of her body leaning against his down at the lake. It was barely more than a summer fling, but she’s always held a special place in his heart. 

“Oh, actually, my Abuelo died, so we came down for the funeral and everything.” She shares with a sad smile, and Eddie feels like an asshole for bringing it up, especially when she has to rapidly blink as her tears grow wet. 

“Shit. I’m so sorry for your loss.” He says sincerely, remembering her grandfather fondly. He was larger than life, with a booming laugh and a warm smile that was always held just a hint of mischief. 

“Thank you. Gran is obviously getting older too, so the whole family came down to help.” She says, but there’s an odd strain in her voice, hinting that there’s more to the story. 

He doesn’t ask, figuring he’s not entitled to answers just because they knew each other once upon a time, but he does genuinely hope that she’s alright, even dealing with whatever it is that she’s dealing with. 

He opens his mouth to respond, but a new voice interrupts him. “They didn’t have the flavor that you like, mom, but I did find those chocolates you’re obsessed with that we can never find at home.” 

Eddie notes how wide Elena’s eyes have gotten, but his attention is squarely drawn to the teenage girl walking up to them and tossing a bag into their cart. 

She looks a little older, probably 16 or so, with dark hair and eyes like her mom, but she looks so familiar.

She actually reminds him a lot of Adriana at that age.

Wait…

His own eyes bug out as he runs through the math in his head, slowly turning to look at Elena again, and he thinks that the discomfort radiating through every pore is an answer to the question he hasn’t asked yet. 

“Okay, thanks Alexandra.” Her smile is tight, but the girl doesn’t seem to notice, pulling her phone out of her back pocket and typing. 

“Well, Eddie, it was really good to see you again, but we should probably finish up here and get back to the house.” She’s already starting to inch down the aisle away from him, but he has so many questions. 

“Wait! Uhm, are you guys going to be in town for long?” He asks, trying to hide the desperation, but not quite able to draw his eyes away from the teenage girl for too long. 

“A few more days, yes.” Comes the response. 

“We should get together. We’re also in town until the end of the week. Maybe we could get some coffee or something, catch up properly?” He suggests, forcing himself to stand in place and not follow them step for step. 

“Sure. Tomorrow morning, say 9am at the new diner on Main?” She offers, already at the end of the aisle and moving towards the next one. 

“I’ll be there!” He agrees loudly, rocking back on his heels once they disappear from view. 

Holy shit. 

Not for the first time, he wishes Buck was here. 

Chapter Text

He’s distracted for the rest of the day, and judging by Abuela’s questioning gaze, it’s pretty obvious. He can’t help it, though. Every time he tries to tune back in, his mind drags him back to the grocery store, to the girl that…

Suffice to say, he doesn’t get much sleep that night. 

He leaves Chris with his parents that morning, hoping that they’ve listened to his words about not babying him. Especially now that he’s a teenager and is even less likely to put up with it now than he was when he was younger. 

He gets there early and orders the largest coffee they have, splurging for some extra syrups and creamers that he normally wouldn’t, because he’s definitely going to need them if this conversation goes like he thinks it might. 

Elena shows up as he’s taking his drink from the barista, so he points to a table, silently letting her know where to find him. After she nods, he takes a seat, and then a few deep breaths, trying to ground himself in the steam and the warmth of the flavors on his tongue. 

She gives him a strained smile when she takes the seat across from him, one that he echoes. “How are you?” She asks before taking a sip of her coffee, and he can’t quite bite back the slightly unhinged chuckle that escapes from his throat. 

“I’m alright. A little confused, but…” He trails off, uncomfortably aware that he lacks the social skills for this conversation. How is he supposed to sit here and make small talk when there’s a chance that he has a whole ass second child out in the world?

Elena sighs, nodding to herself before steeling her spine and meeting his eyes. “Just ask the question, Eddie.” 

He swallows harshly, unsure of what answer he wants, but knowing that he needs an answer all the same. “Is she mine?”

“Yes. Alexandra is your daughter.” Elena answers automatically. Easily, as if she didn’t just take Eddie’s entire world and turn it on its head. 

He falls back against the chair, a sharp exhale punching out of his lungs. “Why- How? You-” He stumbles, dragging a hand over his face and trying to get his thoughts in order. 

He feels a bit like that scene in SpongeBob that Chris used to laugh at so hard, where all the tiny SpongeBob's are running around in his head, screaming, and there’s fire and mayhem. He’s pretty sure his brain looks exactly like that right now. 

“I didn’t realize I was pregnant until after I went home. Obviously, by that time, we had already lost touch, so I couldn’t tell you.” She doesn’t look at him while she talks, fidgeting with the to-go mug in her hand instead. “My parents… weren’t happy, to say the least.” 

Eddie huffs a humorless laugh, because that doesn’t surprise him. Elena’s grandparents were always nice, but her parents never hesitated in making it clear that they didn’t think Eddie was good enough for their daughter, and they detested that the two teenagers spent so much time together. Eddie’s pretty sure the only reason they got to know each other at all was because of her grandparents, who waived off their worries and told them to let it go, that they were kids and they deserved to have fun. 

Eddie knocking up their teenage daughter definitely wasn’t going to earn him any brownie points with them. 

“I wanted to tell you, but I relied on them pretty heavily during my pregnancy, and then I struggled with PPD after Alexandra was born, and then I was trying to finish school and juggle a newborn, as well as working to support us, and my parents were very clear in that they didn’t want you to be involved, which made it impossible for me to come to El Paso for a while.”

She leans forward, resting her arms on the table and shrugging half-heartedly, gaze still glued to the table. “Then, after I graduated high school and made my way down here with her, I learned that you were married, expecting a kid and on your way to basic training. I didn’t expect a relationship or anything from you, not after one summer together and two years of no-contact, but it seemed like you had moved on, and I wasn’t going to barge in on your pregnant wife, who was already probably struggling with you being so far away and insert myself and my toddler into her life. Not when I was doing fine without you.” She finishes, and Eddie has to sit there for a second and let everything that she said sink in. 

“I would’ve been there. I would have wanted to be a part of her life, no matter how she came to be. Jesus, you and Shannon could’ve started a club. Women-Eddie-Diaz-has-slept-with-one-time-and-ruined-their-lives.” He says with a self-deprecating chuckle, rubbing his hands roughly over his face. Just thinking about what Elena and Alexandra must have gone through, where it sounds like they didn’t really have a support system - at least, not a great one - makes him want to cry. Fucking therapy. 

“Hey.” Elena’s voice is sharp, the single word cracking through his pity party like a whip. “You didn’t ruin my life. Alexandra did not ruin my life. She’s the best person I know, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Any hardships I may have faced don’t distract from the fact that my daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so don’t sit there and pity me, like I got stuck with her.” She snaps, and Eddie can only nod sheepishly, properly chastised, but more than a little relieved to hear that Elena doesn’t resent their daughter, or him, from what it sounds like. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Everything with Chris was kind of a mess, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything either, so I get it.” He apologizes, which she accepts with a small incline on her head. 

“Chris, that’s your and Shannon’s kid, I’m assuming?” She asks, and he nods his head, giving her a brief overview of Christopher, his diagnosis, his departure from the military, Shannon leaving, them moving to LA and then her death, and how it’s just the two of them. 

It feels like a lie, because it hasn’t been “just the two of them” since he started at the 118 - since he met Evan Buckley - but that’s a relationship that he doesn’t have the time, not the spoons, to explain to a virtual stranger- mother of his child or not. 

“You’re in LA now?” She asks, with what sounds like humor, and he furrows his brows in confusion as he nods. “We’re in San Fran.” She tells him with a small smile, and he can’t help but grin. 

That’s only like, a 5-and-a-half-hour drive, and less than 2 hours on a plane. 

“So, does that mean…? I mean, it’s totally up to you, I’m not trying to force my way back into your life or anything, but I would like to get to know her, to be a part of her life. I know I’m really late to the party, but I would like to be there. If you’re okay with it, obviously.” He stutters out, trying to toe the line of being persistent without being pushy. 

He wants to know this girl, the daughter he’s missed out on almost 16 years with, but he respects that Elena is her mother, and has her best wishes at heart. After dealing with his own parents and their constant expectations about his son, he’s not about to be that kind of person when it comes to Alexandra. 

Elena purses her lips in thought, obviously seriously considering his offer, which he appreciates. Finally, she glances up. “How about you meet her while she’s down here, and we can see how it goes? She’s 15, and even though you’re named on her birth certificate, I’m not going to force her to spend time with you, no matter how badly you or I might want her to.” She warns him, and he immediately agrees, a happy zing jolting up his spine at the admission that he’s listed on her birth certificate. 

It doesn’t really matter, obviously, just because there’s a sheet of paper and some shared DNA, he doesn’t suddenly believe that he has a serious claim on her or anything, but it’s just… 

Nice, he guesses. Even though he wasn’t there, Elena didn’t ignore his existence. 

They make plans to meet up again at a local restaurant. Elena tells him that Alexandra doesn’t know him, obviously, and that she never said anything bad about him, but that she can’t guarantee how the girl will react to him. 

Eddie accepts the warning, but he hopes against hope that she won’t immediately shoot him down, because he doesn’t know how he’ll go about his life knowing he has a daughter that he doesn’t have any relationship with. 

Chapter Text

He doesn’t tell anybody about Elena and Alexandra, though his family definitely has questions about where he keeps disappearing to. Chris doesn’t care too much, since he’s far too cool to be glued to his dad’s side anymore, especially when his cousins are around. 

He tells everybody that he’s catching up with an old friend, which isn’t technically a lie. He does feel a little bad, since he hasn’t gotten to spend a whole lot of one-on-one time with his parents yet, with all the family around and the emotional roller coaster he’s been on for the last few days. 

Plus, he doesn’t really know how they’re going to react. 

They liked Elena, because she’s Latina and sweet, and was always exceedingly polite and respectful. They encouraged him to spend time with her, and grumbled when they lost contact, and he started hanging out with Shannon. 

But still, he has another child, and he can’t even begin to imagine how they’re going to react to that. He just hopes that it’s too late for them to try and drag them to the courthouse like they did when they found out about Christopher. He doesn’t even know if she’s single or married or anything. Other than him explaining, in the vaguest of terms, what happened with Shannon, they hadn’t talked a whole lot about their love lives or their personal lives.

Buck has also asked what’s going on, claiming that he can tell by Eddie’s texts that something is wrong, though he assumed it was something his parents did, and not a long-lost child coming out of the woodwork. 

He’s going to tell Christopher about Alexandra, and Buck too, but not yet. He needs some more information first, and this is definitely not something he’s about to share over the phone. 

He and Elena had traded cell numbers before they left the diner yesterday and had then decided to do a get-together in one of the parks, bringing a little food and some drinks and do a picnic of sorts. 

He argues with himself, flipping back and forth on if he should bring Chris or not. On the one hand, the boy has always been a natural charmer, so he’d make a very good buffer, if needed. On the other, it’s not up to his son to smooth out an awkward situation of Eddie’s own making, and he doesn’t want Chris to get attached to Alexandra if the girl decides that she doesn’t want to get to know him, nor does he want to guilt her into it in any way. 

He really does want to get to know her though, which means he almost justifies a little guilt, but he realizes that that approach only takes into account what he wants, not what’s best for either of his kids, so he waves goodbye to Chris, days of pushing his curls back to leave a kiss on his forehead long gone, and drives to the park, stopping at the grocery store again to pick up some chips like Elena had asked of him.

He gets there first and picks out a bench that offers a view of the parking lot, wanting to make sure he sees them as soon as they arrive, which they do only a few moments after him. 

Once he catches Elena’s eye, he waves her over, standing automatically. Once she gets close enough, he takes some of the things she has in her hands and places them on the table, reciprocating when she leans in for a one-armed hug before turning to Alexandra. 

“Alexandra, you remember my friend from the store the other day? This is Eddie. Eddie, this is my daughter Alexandra.” She does the introductions, and the teen gives him a polite smile and holds out her hand, which he gamely shakes. 

“Just Alex. Only my mom calls me by my full name.” She says, and he smiles. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Alex. My mom and my abuela are the only ones that ever call me Edmundo, so I get it. Your mom mentioned you guys needed some chips for lunch?” He gestures over to the table where the bags sit. He picked up some regular chips for him and Elena, and he also may have swindled the information of Alex’s favorite out of her mom, hoping to make a good impression. 

She smiles when she sees them, a pleased smile breaking out across her face before she schools it and thanks him politely. 

He doesn’t think Elena has told the girl about him being her father yet, based on the way she introduced them, and the way Alex is behaving. He’s a little confused, but respects that Elena knows her daughter best, and will handle the situation accordingly. 

Once they sit down to eat, Eddie asks them how they’re doing with the loss of a grandparent, and before Elena can answer, Alex snorts. 

“ Abuela and abuelo are being just as uptight and judgemental as always, and Gran is too upset to deal with them. She actually yelled at them the other day, which was kind of amazing.” She shares gleefully, and Eddie hides his bark of laughter by faking a cough. 

“Alexandra.” Elena scolds half-heartedly. It sounds more like she’s only saying something because she’s supposed to, not because she actually has any desire to scold her, and her eyes are full of affection. 

“What? They are, and she did! He asked how it was going, I was simply relaying facts. You can’t be mad at me for that.” She insists around a bite of her sandwich, and Elena rolls her eyes before leveling a look at Eddie. 

“Alexandra has been on the debate team for several years now, if you couldn’t tell.” She deadpans, and Eddie raises a hand to cover his mouth in an attempt to hide the amusement, but based on Alex’s satisfied look, he doesn’t do a very good job of it. 

He clears his throat and turns back to the story. “I get judgmental family. Several years ago now, my parents told me that I wasn’t fit to raise my son and tried to convince me to sign custody over to them. He and I moved to LA soon after to be closer to my abuela and my Tia, who stood by me when I didn’t talk to them much. My dad and I have talked and tried to mend our relationship, thanks to loads of therapy on my part, but it’s not easy.” He offers, trying to show that he can relate to what they’re going through. 

Elena seems impressed. “You went to therapy?” 

He chuckles. “Uh, yeah. I- well, I got hurt on the job a couple years ago now, and learned pretty quickly that shoving everything down isn’t really the healthiest way to cope with things. I’m actually still in it, I see Frank a couple times a month.” He says, still trying to get past the awkwardness of talking about his therapy. 

He’s not ashamed that he’s getting help from a professional, and he knew he needed it back then, but it’s a holdover from his childhood, the near instant urge to shove away any talk of feelings. It’s an instinct, and one he’s worked hard to overcome, but it still lingers around the edges of his mind somewhere. 

Alex smacks her hand on the tabletop and turns to her mom in victory. “I told you! Therapy works. Suck it, Gramps.” She snarks, and Eddie laughs again. 

He’s known his daughter for minutes, and he already adores her. He knew he fell in love with Christopher as soon as the doctors placed him, screaming and covered in birthing fluids, in Eddie’s arms, but apparently, there’s no age limit when it comes to loving your kid. 

“Yeah, that generation is harder to talk into therapy. My dad was very…” He trails off, trying to find the right word and struggling. “He was critical of it, to say the least. Didn’t understand why I needed to talk about things that had happened to me in the past, because they were over, and was adamant that I just needed to suck it up and move forward. It’s been interesting, getting to know them on a more level playing ground. My dad’s trying, but my mom is still reticent to admit to any wrong doings, but anyway, that’s enough about my family drama.” He waves, still not used to being open about his thoughts or sharing what’s going on in his life. Chris was the only one he was open with before, even if he had to temper some of it to make it understandable for a kid. Buck got under his skin pretty quickly, but even then, he struggled with laying it all out. It’s taken a lot of work to open himself up to Buck and the other people in his life, but he thinks it’s worth it. 

He doesn’t really want to trauma dump on his daughter though, so he moves the conversation along, asking follow-up questions about her debate club and school in general. 

She’s bright, speaking about advanced classes and throwing around words that he’s never heard before and has no hope of understanding in the current context. 

He can’t help the way his gaze shoots to Elena, a little bit in awe, and she just smirks knowingly, looking like she’s enjoying the way he’s a little flabbergasted by their daughter. 

The afternoon passes by quickly, and it’s not long before all the food is eaten, and trash is thrown away. It’s only after everything is tidied up that Elena meets his eyes pointedly and he takes a deep breath and nods. It’s time. He thinks they’ve gotten off to a good start, and he knows it’s not much of a bond, but she’s not going to hate him, probably. Right?

“Alexandra, there is actually another reason we met with Eddie this afternoon.” Elena says slowly, and he watches as suspicion covers Alex’s face, one eyebrow quirked in question, as if she’s not giving her mom the dignity of a spoken response. 

“Do you remember how, when you used to ask about your dad, I always said that he would’ve wanted to be around if he had known about you?” She reminds, and Alex nods slowly, eyes widening as her mother’s meaning sets in, slowly turning in her seat to look at Eddie, dark eyes scanning him in a whole new light, and Eddie would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt his heart that they’re significantly colder than they were before.

“Guess you found him after all.” She comments rhetorically, all warmth lost from her voice. “Well, now that you’ve checked on the woman and child you abandoned almost 16 years ago, I hope your guilt has been assuaged. Do you feel better, Dad?” She asks, the honorific dripping with disdain, and he flinches. “We’re fine. Mom and I have always been fine, and we will always be fine. We haven’t needed you around in the past, and we don’t need you around now, so you can go back to your city and the kid that you want and leave us alone.” She spits, and Elena’s eyes are blown wide in her head, like she can’t believe Alex’s reaction. 

Eddie rolls his lips between his teeth and thinks of the best way to respond to try and salvage this afternoon. 

“Alexandra Maria Sanchez!” Elena admonishes, but Eddie sends her a tight smile and waves her off. 

“I get why you feel that I abandoned you, and I don’t blame you. By the time your mom was finally in the position to find me again, I had already married and was expecting my son, and she did what she thought was best for the two of you. I can tell that she’s a great mom, just from the last few days that I’ve spent around her, and the last hours with you. I have no interest in coming in and changing up your guys’ schedules or anything, but I do want both of my kids. I’m not asking you to move in with me and forget about your mom or anything like that. I haven’t been around before now, and I understand that you might have some misgivings, or some doubt. All I’m asking for is a chance to be there now, to get to know you, and be a part of your life now that I know about you, in whatever way you and your mom are comfortable with.”

She’s quiet for a moment, studying him closely. “And if I don’t want that?” She asks, and swallows hard, gaze dropping to the table before forcing himself to make eye-contact again. 

“If you’re not comfortable, or don’t want that, then I will respect that. This is totally up to you and your mom. If you’re not comfortable with it right now and change your mind later, or vice versa, I’ll always be around. Your mom has my number, so you can get it from her if you want to text me, or call me, whatever you want. This is totally in your hands, Alex.” He assures her sincerely. “You don’t have to decide today, if you want some time to think about it. I’m in LA, so even once you guys go home, I’m only a few hours away.”

Her eyes are narrowed still, but she looks less angry now, more thoughtful, and he hopes that’s a good omen for what’s to come. 

After a long silence, she nods slowly, and he figures that’s all the answer he’s going to get, and he’s okay with it. 

Saying goodbye is a little awkward when it’s time for them to go their separate ways, but when he climbs into the rental car they’d rented for the week, he can’t help but feel hopeful.

Chapter Text

Their trip to Texas finally wraps up, but not before he gets in some time with the rest of his family, an apology for being so absent during parts of it. He doesn’t blow up Elena’s phone, but he does make sure his is always on and the volume turned up, just in case. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d respect any choice Alex made, but he can’t help but hope that she gives him a chance. 

Their flight lands in the evening, and they’re both tired from the trip, which means they wait to invite Buck over until the next day instead of that night. Eddie does text him and Marisol to let them know that they’ve made it home. He and Chris eat a quick dinner and then spend the rest of the evening unpacking and taking it easy. 

With the way their shifts fall, Eddie made sure that he had a full day back before going back to work, wanting to make sure he had the chance to decompress and enjoy a night in his own bed before he had to be “on” again. 

Now, as he lays awake in bed hours after crawling beneath the sheets, he’s wondering if that was the best idea. 

He still hasn’t heard from Elena or Alex, and he knows they’re not heading home until tomorrow, but it’s still weighing heavy on his mind, considering every different outcome possible. Maybe she doesn’t want to meet him at all, ever again. Maybe she does meet him, but then decides later, after getting to know him more, that she’s done. She knows about Chris, but only in an abstract way, so maybe suddenly having a brother, especially a brother with CP, would be too much. She wouldn’t say anything bad about him though, right? She seemed kind, and Elena always was as well, but Chris is his baby , the fact that he’s also a newly minted teen beside the point. What if he doesn’t have the time to commit to 2 kids? It’s hard enough with Chris, and work and Marisol and Buck and therapy and the team and errands and housework and Pepa and his out-of-town family, is he going to have time to designate for a kid who lives several hours away, without letting any other part of his life slip? Chris will have to remain at the top of that priority list, of course, but what about everything else? What if they have an accident on their way home tomorrow, and he never knows that his daughter is dead? 

On and on it goes, his brain presenting him with images of disgust on his daughter’s face, or total disinterest, images of her hanging upside down in a car or screaming as a plane goes down. 

He’s not surprised when he wakes up from a nightmare about the helicopter crash that now features both his kids, vacant-eyed and bloodied like Greggs. 

He has to imagine himself turning into Jell-O, the only method he’s found that calms him down and halts his panic. It takes a few minutes, but eventually, he’s steady enough to throw his legs over the bed and pad out to the kitchen for a glass of water. 

It’s still pretty early, just before 4am, but he sends Buck a text to come over later, knowing that he can sleep through pretty much anything on his day off. He tells himself it’s so he doesn’t forget to do it later. It’s definitely not because he wants to talk to Buck right now. 

He’s probably with Natalia, and definitely not checking his phone for possible texts from his best friend. 

Regardless, Eddie still takes a few minutes longer than strictly necessary to go back to bed and curl back up under the covers. 

He’s just making sure that he’s really settled down from the nightmare. That’s all. 

—

The next time he wakes up, it’s to the scent of coffee in the air, and he can’t stop the smile that stretches across his face as he crawls out of bed and walks into the kitchen. 

Just as he suspected, Buck is standing at the stove, head bobbing to the music obviously coming out of the single earbud he has in. Buck listens to music a lot, always has it on if the tv isn’t claiming that he needs background noise for everything. He won’t turn it up when he’s over, especially in the mornings, since Chris has become very grumpy first thing, but he always keeps only one in, says that he likes to know when they’re up and moving, and he can’t always do that with both. 

Eddie watches him, just for a minute, taking in the way he moves so effortlessly around the kitchen, barely having to look as he grabs a bowl, a whisk and a measuring glass, knowing exactly where everything is. He looks so at ease, so comfortable, here in Eddie’s house, in his space, and Eddie’s heart squeezes seeing him like this. 

After what’s probably a minute or two too long, he deliberately steps into Buck’s eyeline, chest warming at the way Buck’s eyes crinkle with the force of his smile. “Good morning, Eddie. I got your text, figured I’d treat my Diaz boys to some home-cooked breakfast. Sound good to you?”

Eddie hums thoughtfully. “Only if you’re making French toast, and the sausage that I like.” He finally answers, grinning when Buck rolls his eyes. 

“What do you take me for, an amateur? I’ve got fresh strawberries and a few bananas that need your expert knife skills, my friend.” He says with a wink, and Eddie chuckles, moving around his friend to get the things he needs, including the fruit. 

They chat quietly for a few minutes, Buck filling him in on whatever he’d missed while he was gone, and Eddie shares about family drama, though not the one related to him. 

Just as they're finishing up, Chris comes slumping down the hall, gait slow and eyes narrowed in sleep and the general displeasure of morning, offering Buck a grumpy, “Morning, Buck.” instead of the excited hug he used to get. Buck still smiles though, the one that Eddie had long ago dubbed his Chris Smile and asks him what he wants to drink before he and Eddie get everything set up. 

The two men carry most of the conversation for a while, until Chris has perked up enough to start contributing, relaying what he’d gotten up to the week they were away, and Eddie has to sneaking thought that he wishes every morning could be this nice, just their little family breaking down their time apart and making plans for the future. 

He pauses for a second, wondering where that thought came from, and then dismisses it, like he’s done to thoughts similar. The three of them are a family, but not like that. They’re both straight, and they also each have girlfriends, and that’s not… 

They’re just not like that, is all. There’s nothing wrong with people who are, but they’re not. 

After breakfast, Chris gets a text from his friend, asking if he can go with them to the movies and then to the park, and Eddie agrees, already having met the kid’s parents on several occasions and knowing that Chris is okay with them. 

It’s not long before the SUV pulls into the driveway, and Chris is headed out the door, a rushed; “Love you, bye”, thrown over his shoulder halfway out the threshold. 

He and Buck commiserate when he was young and wanted to spend days watching movies and playing video games with them, while Buck teases him about never being cool, and Eddie throws the dishrag in his hand at the blonde’s face, cackling when he nearly trips trying to catch it. 

Buck is one of the most competent firefighters that Eddie’s ever known, and yet somehow, his long ass legs still seem to get the best of him off-shift. 

Eddie’s phone vibrates in his pants pocket, and he pulls it out mid-laugh, the sound freezing in his lungs when he registers the text from an unsaved number. 

Hey, it’s Alex. Mom gave me ur number. I wanted to talk to you about this whole thing when you get the chance. 

He reads the text through several times, looking for any hidden context that he might be missing or something, before carefully writing back a response. 

Hi Alex, it’s good to hear from you. Of course, I’d be more than happy to talk to you. Is there something you’d like to talk about in particular?

The exchange is oddly formal, but the fact that she reached out to him at all has his heart leaping in his chest. 

So much so, in fact, that he’d missed whatever it was Buck had been saying until there’s a towel dragging gently across his face. 

“Hey, dude, you okay?”

Eddie clears his throat and blinks rapidly, readjusting to the world in front of him. “Yes! Yeah, yeah. All good.” He says, unconvincingly.

Buck’s eyes narrow and one brow lifts in disbelief. “Must be a hell of a text to get you to space like that.” He observes, making to turn back to the sink. 

“I have a daughter.” He blurts out, without realizing he’s going to say it. 

Buck spins back around sharply, eyes wide, mouth dropped in shock. “You- A daughter? I thought you and Marisol were…” He trails off carefully, gesturing with his hands, but Eddie shakes his head. 

“No, God no. I could not handle a baby right now. No, I ran into Elena this past week, she spent the summer at her grandparent’s house in El Paso when I was 16, and we- y’know. She was my first, and then she went back home, and I hadn’t spoken to her since. That is, until I run into her at the grocery store, and her 15-year-old daughter, who looks surprisingly like Adriana, strolls up next to her. We met for coffee, and Elena confirmed that Alex is mine, and that she wanted to tell me, but her parents were not my biggest fans, and didn’t want me in their lives. By the time she was able to make that choice on her own, she heard about Shannon and Chris and the army and everything and decided not to put any more on mine or Shannon’s plate, I guess.” He drags his hand through his hair, completely unsurprised at how the entire story falls out of his mouth almost the second he and Buck are alone. 

Buck has always been his sounding board, and it’s nearly impossible for him to keep anything from the man, but especially not something as big as this. 

Buck is staring at him, blinking very slowly as he digests the bomb Eddie just dropped on him, but he has more to say. 

“This is the first time I’ve said it out loud. I have a daughter. Holy shit. Buck, she’s incredible. Literally, I met her for a few hours while we were down there, she’s so smart. She’s on the debate team, and she’s wicked fast with a comeback. I asked how they were doing, and she proceeded to tell me exactly what she thought of her mother’s parents and how judgmental they are. She’s in all these advanced classes, I mean, book smart as all get out, it’s insane. She was pissed at me for not being around, obviously, because no kid likes to feel like they’ve been abandoned, and she made sure to let me know that she and her mom were just fine, that they didn’t need me.” He says in awe. He’s still a little amazed by how independent and articulate she is, how she refuses to be silent when she has an issue with something. “I told her that I understood why she was mad, obviously I do, but that I’d be around, always, if she wanted to get to know me, because I wanted to get to know her. Elena never said that I wasn’t around because I didn’t want to be, which I appreciate now, but anyway, I told her that her mom has my number and my full consent to give it to her if she ever wanted to talk, and that I’d respect whatever decision she made. That was 4 days ago, and she just texted me, “wanting to talk about the whole thing.’” He relays, barely holding himself back from shoving his phone under Buck’s nose to show him the text. 

Buck’s smiling, a grin so soft and sweet that Eddie bets butter would melt on it. “That’s- holy shit, Eddie, that’s amazing. She sounds amazing. Are you going to be heading back to El Paso a lot to see them?” 

Eddie shakes his head excitedly. “No, they live in San Fran! Literally, a 2-and-a-half-hour plane ride away, less than 6 by car. My daughter has been in the same state as me for years, and I never knew. Isn’t that insane?!” He demands, pacing back and forth in the small kitchen, jumping when his phone vibrates in his hand again. 

He’s unable to keep the smile off his face as Alex’s text comes in, questions laid out in numbered form about what he expects from their relationship and how he plans to do all of it. 

He shares it with Buck as he does his best to answer each question, making sure he’s satisfied with each point before sending it back. 

“So, wait, I’m the first person you’ve told?” Buck asks once they’re sitting on the couch, the show they’ve been watching together cued up. 

He nods, swallowing a mouthful of lemonade. “Yeah. I mean, I didn’t know that she was actually mine, at first. Then, when I did know, I wasn’t sure she’d even want to have a relationship with me, after I wasn’t around for the first 15 years of it, and I wouldn’t blame her, but I didn’t want to tell Chris and possibly get his hopes up for a sister, only to find out that she never wanted to see us. I definitely wasn’t going to tell my parents, and my sisters are huge gossips, they’d want to talk it to death, and I needed a second to come to grips with it. Plus, you’re like, my go to, and this isn’t really news I wanted to share over text. So, I’m telling you, now.” He summarizes, preening a little bit at the way Buck seems to melt a little bit at the reassurance that he’s the one Eddie wants to talk to when something big happens. 

“I’ll probably tell Chris soon, since it seems like she might want to meet me again, but I’d rather not take him with me right away. I want to get to know her without putting the pressure on either of them right away.” He thinks aloud. 

“I can watch Chris if you ever need me to. I’ve got his schedule down pat, so if I need to take him to school or appointments or anything, Carla and I can work it out.” Buck offers immediately, turning a little in his seat to face Eddie, who frowns thoughtfully. 

“Are you sure? I mean, I know you and Natalia-” He starts, but Buck shakes his head. 

“Nat knows about Chris, knows exactly how important he is to me. Christopher comes first, no matter who’s in my life. You trusted me with him a long time ago Eds, I’m not about to let you down.” He swears. 

“Buck, not being able to watch my son all the time because you’re spending time with your girlfriend isn’t “letting me down”.” He says reassuringly, but Buck cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“Chris is more important. Besides, I know that you’re not trying to deprive me of time with my favorite Diaz, Edmundo.” He says with narrowed eyes, and Eddie can’t help but to laugh and raise his hands in surrender. 

“Of course, I would never do such a heinous thing.” He teases, chuckling when Buck flops back against the couch, pleased. His head is tilted to the side just enough to meet Eddie’s eyes. 

“You have a daughter.” He whispers. 

Edde bites his lip to try and tame the wide smile as he repeats excitedly; “I have a daughter.” 

Chapter Text

Over the next few days, Eddie returns to work, spends time with his son and his girlfriend and his partner, and he texts his daughter. 

He wishes her a good day, asks about school and her friends, leaps to grab his phone each time it vibrates and curses what he’s doing if he’s in the middle of something and can’t answer right away. They make plans for him to come visit on his next free weekend and he feels like a kid going back to school, equal parts too excited and nervous to sleep right. 

What he doesn’t do is tell anyone else about Alex. He doesn’t tell Marisol, doesn’t feel like they’re far enough in their relationship for him to talk to her about this. Hell, she hasn’t even met his son yet, there’s no way he’s going to drop the bomb of a surprise daughter on her as well. 

For Chris, it’s still out of protection. He knows his baby boy is growing up and doesn’t need his dad in the same ways that he used to, but if Eddie can shield him from losing anybody else, he has to try. Once he knows more about what’s going to happen with Alex, he’ll sit Chris down and tell him about it. He doesn’t plan on keeping it from him for long, especially not if she’s going to be around. 

As for the others, he doesn’t really know why he hasn’t said anything. He’s had plenty of opportunities to do so. They’ve asked about his trip, talked about surprise visits from olds friends - that spiraled from updates about Connor and Kameron’s updates about their kid - and they’ve all had numerous conversations about parenthood, but for some reason, he can’t make himself take any of the openings. 

It feels a little like when he first started at the 118 and he didn’t tell anybody about Chris. Funny how Buck was the first he told in both scenarios. That definitely doesn’t mean anything, he’s sure. 

He doesn’t think anybody will be rude or condescending about Alex, like he was worried his parents might be. They all have kids of their own and have been there for him through some of the worst parts of his life. 

Maybe that’s what it is. They’re so involved in each other’s lives, living together for 24 hours a day, several days a week, maybe it’s just nice to have something be just his for a little while, free of outside commentary, even if it is kind and helpful and supportive. 

He’s not sure that makes sense, but it’s what he’s feeling, and he’s done a lot of work to allow himself to feel things without rationalizing it or pushing it away, so he keeps up his daily life and talks to his daughter and tries not to worry about what he can’t control. 

When his free weekend arrives, Chris is fine spending it with Buck, when he doesn’t have plans with his friends. Eddie doesn’t worry about that, since Buck knows all of Eddie’s worries and has already met all of Chris’ friend’s parents. 

He’s nervous as he gets off the plane in San Francisco, wiping his sweaty palms against his jeans to try and dry them off. He looks around the gate, smiling automatically when he spots Elena waiving him over. Alex is standing beside her, arms crossed in what he’s sure is a protective move.

He greets them both easily, and they chat casually as they make their way out of the busy airport and towards the parking lot. They eat lunch out at their favorite local restaurant when they get hungry. 

He can tell that Alex is holding back, hesitant at times. He’s noticed it over text too, but he’s just hoping that it will go away the longer he’s around, once he’s proven that he will always be around, as long as he has a say in it. 

They chat about their jobs, and Alex shares stories about school and tells them about what’s happened in their debate club, her dry sense of humor making Eddie choke on his drink a couple times when she catches him off-guard, a fact she sees inordinately pleased by. She also seems excited to meet Christopher, asking questions when he gets done telling them a story about something he and Buck had done with the boy. 

He’s staying at a hotel Saturday night, so he calls Buck for a little bit before bed, and texts Chris goodnight, because his son is no longer interested in hearing him read stories to him before bed or needing to call and check in while he’s away. 

He also texts Marisol, though she was very confused as to why he was gone this weekend, since they had made tentative plans to see each other, but he told her that he had a family thing come up and had to cancel on her. 

He spends a few more hours with Alex and Elena the next morning before catching his flight home, high off the visit and getting to know his daughter. 

Buck picks him up from the airport and asks a million questions about the girl, listening to everything he chooses to share about her. He wishes he could introduce the two of them, but he knows it’s way too soon to have her come stay with him, and given that he, as her father, has only met her a few times, he’s not in a huge rush to share her just yet. It is something he’s looking forward to, though. 

Buck drops him off at home to unpack and then goes to pick Chris up from school - not even giving Eddie a chance to argue or grab the keys for his truck - and Eddie arrives at the decision to inform the boy about his older sister. He’s always hated lying to his son, and even though it’s resulted in a few rash decisions over the years (like introducing him to his girlfriend of a few weeks), he’d like to think that he’s learned since then. Besides, Alex is his blood, too, and it seems like she wants to know them. Even if she didn’t he wouldn’t feel right keeping this whole other member of their family from him. 

So, when his boys get back from their school run, Chris grumbling about homework and Buck promising that he’ll be around to help figure it out, Eddie takes a deep breath. 

They automatically go to the kitchen, setting up shop at the table, Chris pulling books and paper out while Buck makes him up a quick afternoon snack. 

“Hey, bud, can I talk to you about something really quick?” He asks, pulling a seat out next to his son. He hears dishware clang, like Buck dropped it faster than anticipated. Eddie looks over his shoulder and gestures towards the seat to his left, silently inviting Buck to take a seat with them. 

He looks surprised, and a little hesitant, but he moves automatically, long legs eating up the distance in a few strides before he drops carefully in the indicated seat. 

Chris looks suspicious, hazel eyes darting between the two of them, glasses slid down his nose. “Sure, Dad. What’s up?” He asks warily. 

“It’s nothing bad, I promise. Or, well, I hope you won’t think of it as a bad thing.” He cringes. Christopher has been an only child his whole life, and he’s a teen now, a teen who has struggled with abandonment issues and change. He really hopes Chris doesn’t hate the idea of a sibling. 

“Surprisingly enough, your reaction is not making me feel any better about this ominous news.” Christopher deadpans, and Buck sniggers quietly beside him, hand over his mouth to try and hide his reaction. Eddie just barely holds back his eye roll.

“Okay, okay, fair enough. You remember how, when we were in Texas, I said that I was meeting with an old friend who was in town for a visit?” 

Chris nods slowly, attention fully on his dad now. “Well, that was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth. My friend, Elena, and I were very close when we were teenagers, before I met your mom. We spent the summer together, and then she had to go back home. Well, at the time, neither one of us realized that she was pregnant when she left. I ran into her at the grocery store, and met her daughter, Alexandra. My daughter… and your older sister.” He finishes, holding his breath as he watches Chris process the information. 

Dozens of micro-expressions cross his face, fast enough that Eddie struggles to keep up with them all. “Hey, I know this is a lot to process, I don’t expect you to feel any specific way about it. Whatever you’re feeling is valid, and I’m willing to answer any questions you might have.” He reassures his son, shakily exhaling when one of Buck’s hands lands on the small of his back, providing warmth and assurance. 

Chris is thoughtful for a moment, fiddling with his book, before he asks, “Why didn’t you know about her before now?”

Eddie sighs silently. He’d been expecting that question, but he’s still not sure of the best way to answer it. “Well, there were a couple reasons for that. Do you remember when Jee-Yun was born, and Maddie had to go away for a while because she was sick?” 

Chris had been excited to spend more time with the baby, and didn’t understand why she and her parents disappeared, so Eddie and Buck had to sit him down and explain what PPD was, and how Maddie’s brain wasn’t being nice to her, so she had to get help, and then they’d all come back. 

“Yeah, she had post-partum. Did Elena have it too?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah bud, she did, so it was hard for her, after Alex was born, and they lived over in Arizona at the time, so it was hard for her to make the trip back, and she was also still in school for a little while after. Once she was able to make the trip, I had already met your mom and we were expecting you, and Elena thought he was doing the right thing by not showing up at the house with a toddler. I don’t know if she was right or not, what our life would have looked like back then if she had shown up, but I can’t change that now. The only thing we can do now is move forward. Elena and Alex moved to San Francisco several years ago, and that’s where I was this weekend. I wanted to tell you because you deserve to know that you have a big sister out there.” The whether you want a relationship with her or not goes unsaid. Eddie would love to have both of his kids together sometimes, would love for them to have a good bond, but Chris is old enough to make decisions for himself, and Eddie won’t force this on him. 

“Does she… does she know about me?” 

“Yeah bud, of course she does. I’m embarrassing, remember? I talk about you all the time. Alex and Elena both know all about you, they’ve heard stories about what the three of us get up to. You’re my son, Chris, and nothing will change that, nor will it affect how much I love you.” He swears, leaning forward on his elbows to meet Christopher’s eyes, needing him to know that, if he takes nothing else away from this conversation. 

Chris frowns thoughtfully, and then turns back to his homework, putting a halt to the conversation for the time being. “I love you too, Dad. Buck, can I have some tea?” 

Eddie meets Buck’s eyes, the blonde giving him a short nod, an acknowledgement of how the talk went, before agreeing. “Sure thing, bud. I’ve got some fruit cut up too, if you’re hungry.” 

From then on, they chat about school and Chris’ upcoming project for his English class, and Eddie allows himself to relax. All things considered, that definitely could have gone worse, and he feels lighter about not keeping this secret from Chris anymore. 

He’s not ready to tell the team just yet, but maybe he can let Pepa know that she’s got another great niece floating around out in the world, work up to telling everyone else. 

As he watches Buck interact with Chris, he’s thankful once again for the blonde’s presence in their life. He can’t imagine what their lives would look like without him.

Chapter Text

Before Eddie realizes it, months go by. He and Chris had several talks about what it would look like for Alex to be a part of their lives, what would change and what would stay the same. Eventually, they both flew out to San Fransisco to meet up with Elena and Alex, spending a long weekend together introducing the siblings. 

Eddie was unsure about how it would go, only because Chris was starting to enter the phase of being a teenager where things that he loved before were suddenly not cool anymore, and he didn’t know how much the kids were going to have in common, but they realized pretty quickly that they both loved English class in school, and they played the same video game. Eddie even heard them talking about what it was like to be raised by a single parent, and from then on, they seemed to have just clicked. If Chris was free, he would come out to visit with Eddie, and if he wasn’t, the two teens stayed in contact over their game, a concession that Eddie gave, no matter how much technology still freaked him out sometimes.  

Towards the end of the year, Alex and her debate club were coming out to LA to take part in the National Debate Championship, something that she was near buzzing about with excitement, confidently inviting Eddie and Chris along, even though Eddie could see the hesitation flash in her eyes, like she was worried she’d crossed a line or something. 

He quickly assured her that they would love to come. He worked that day, but the shift should end in just enough time for him to shower at the firehouse and make his way downtown. He’d told Pepa about Alex, swearing her to secrecy from the rest of the family, and they’d also told Carla, and since Carla would be watching Chris that day, he asked if it was okay for him to bring some extra cheerleaders. 

Alex’s quick, shy smile made him melt as she agreed with only a slight stutter, pleased by his reaction. 

Of course, best laid plans and all. 

The majority of the shift was fine. They didn’t get called out with anything too taxing, he got enough sleep that he wouldn’t be dragging the next day, and then, three hours before their shift ended, they got called out to a structure fire, involved enough that the 118, the 136 and the 152 were dispatched, and they spent the rest of their shift fighting the blaze, as well as at least an hour after their shift should have ended. 

By the time they got back to the firehouse, showered and then drove the hour or so downtown, he’d be lucky if he didn’t miss the whole competition. 

He tried to find comfort in the fact that Chris, Pepa and Carla were already there to support his daughter, given the selfie Carla had send with the three of them and Elena, but his heart broke a little bit at the knowledge that he was going to let his daughter down. 

—

Buck looked at his friend, the tight line of his lips and the harsh set of his jaw and knew what was going on. Eddie had been talking for weeks about Alex’s competition, how excited he was to see her compete and to introduce her to Pepa and Carla. 

The school had bussed the team down from San Fran, which meant that they were going right back home after the debate was over, since it was only a few hours’ drive. Eddie had lamented that they weren’t going to have a lot of time to visit but understood that paying for hotel rooms in Los Angeles for the kids didn’t make sense when they could just pay a bus driver a few hours of overtime. 

Now, they were fighting a fire on the outskirts of downtown LA, and it was going to be near impossible for his friend to arrive on time. 

Suddenly, Buck was struck by an awful thought. 

It could work though.

There’s a slight chance that it could also get him fired, but in the end, wouldn’t it be worth it to make his friend smile and get him where he needed to be? Sure, maybe a little stinkier than preferred, but closer to on time. 

“Hey. How much time you got before Alex’s thing?” He asks, leaning against the engine beside his partner, taking a deep swallow of the drink that’d been thrust in his hand to replace what he’d sweat out. 

Eddie sighs grimly, raking his fingers though his hair, currently standing up from taking his helmet on and off. “Like, 45 minutes. Bobby said they’re going to let us go soon, that the 152 is finishing up, but it’s at least half an hour back to the station, and then at least an hour to the center. I’m never going to make it in time.” He sighs, eyes closed as he rests his head back against the engine. 

Buck runs the math quickly. He can do it. He can get Eddie there with time to spare.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll get you there.” He assures his friend, which draws a confused frown his way. 

“What? Buck, there’s no way I’m going to make it unless you have a way for me to transport from one place to another, or a way to freeze time. I’ve already texted Elena that I’ll get there as soon as I can and asked her to apologize to Alex for me.” He answers dejectedly, but Buck leans into his space, pressing against his arms. 

“Do you trust me?” He whispers, and Eddie meets his gaze. 

“Buck, of course I do, but what does that-?” 

He just shakes his head. “It’s better if you don’t know. Just trust me, alright Eds?”

Eddie eyes him warily, but nods anyway. 

When the incident commander releases the 118, Buck jumps to volunteer to drive the engine, letting Derek’s rest in the back. 

“Hey Bobby, our shift is technically over, right?” He asks conversationally, and Bobby, in the captain’s seat next to him, nods. 

“Technically, yes. A-shift is off as soon as we get back to the station.” 

Buck hums. “Anybody got big plans after shift?” He asks into the mics innocently. 

When everybody answers in the negative, nothing other than food and sleep, Buck grins. “Thats exactly what I wanted to hear.” He murmurs under his breath, reaching for the radio to call dispatch. 

If the others had something really important to do, he’d…

Well, he would probably still do this, but he’d feel way worse about it. 

“Engine 118 to Dispatch, engine 118 to Dispatch.” He says into the mic, ignoring the suspicious look Bobby sends him. 

“Go ahead Engine 118.” Comes Linda’s serene voice. 

“Dispatch, Engine 118 is going to be 10-7, will radio back when we’re back on duty.” He informs her. 

“Buckley, what the hell are you doing?” Bobby asks seriously, the question muffled by the other calls of dissent behind him. 

“We just have a super quick stop to make. 20 minutes, tops, and then we’ll be right back.” He promises, turning at the upcoming light to get on the interstate that will take them downtown. 

The others are yelling at him again, but he can hear Eddie’s voice in his ear, tone quiet and thick with emotion. “ Buck. ”

He meets those brown eyes in the rearview, wide and wet as he realizes what Buck’s doing. “Told you, I’ve got your back.” He says with a wink. 

“Buck, are you really stealing the engine right now?” Chim shouts from the back. 

“I think it’s technically called hi-jacking if he does it with us all on board.” Hen corrects, and he shrinks a little bit in his seat, because that’s definitely Hen’s mom voice, which means he’s in deep shit. 

“Guys, I promise, it’ll be worth it. Also, I’ll buy everyone’s dinner! Whatever you guys want.”

Bobby flexes his jaw, eyes flinty. “What’s your plan if we get called back out on our way back to the station, Firefighter Buckley?” 

Buck gulps. “Then, I would feel very guilty, and I would still buy dinner, voluntarily do everyone’s chores next shift, and buy breakfast?” He offers innocently, the words met with more yells. 

Fortunately for him, he’s pulling up into the convention center and is able to ignore it for the time being. He sees a flurry of movement in the rearview mirror of Eddie stripping quickly out of his turnouts and trying to soothe down his hair. 

Buck parks in front (in the fire lane, a major perk of driving the engine here) and catches Eddie’s eyes. “C’mon.” His brown eyes sparkle delightedly, and Buck doesn’t hesitate to jump out of the driver's seat and climb out of the truck, patting the hood in silent appreciation for getting them here. 

The others climb out as well, too nosy to sit and wonder about why Buck took them offline and hijacked the fire engine. 

Buck follows Eddie’s figure, listening to the stomp of heavy booted feet behind him. Thankfully, the ladder truck and both ambulances headed back to the station as soon as they were dismissed from the scene, which means there’s not too many people whose night took a little detour. 

Buck sees Eddie wave, and follows him, catching sight of Christopher a moment later. There’s a woman with them that he doesn’t recognize, which must be Elena, given the warm, relieved smile she sends Eddie. 

He gives her a half hug, exchanging one with Pepa and Carla as well before pressing a kiss to the top of Chris’ head. Eddie looks around in confusion, catching Buck’s eye and waiving him over, and of course, like the love-sick fool that he is, he goes wherever Eddie says. 

“- thought you said you were going to be late?” He hears Elena say as he gets closer, and Eddie laughs, dropping an arm over Buck’s shoulders. 

“I was. We literally just got off a scene, we should’ve had to go back to the station first, but this guy,” He emphasizes with a shake to his shoulders. “Stole the firetruck, with half the crew still on it to get me here on time.” He explains, brown eyes so so soft where he meets Buck’s. 

“You stole the firetruck?!” Chris exclaims in excitement, and Buck laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t say stole. Nor would I say I hijacked it, which is what Hen said. I would say more of a… borrowing situation. I’m going to put it right back. Plus, not like this is the first time.” He says with an offhanded shrug, only realizing after the confession has left his mouth that he probably shouldn’t have said that to Eddie's son. “N-not that that’s okay. Taking without asking is bad, and I’m definitely going to get in trouble when we get back, like I should.” He corrects, looking between Chris and the women all watching him in amusement. 

Eddie grins fondly, turning him slightly to face the woman. “Elena, this is Buck, my partner. Buck, this is Elena, Alex’s mom.” He introduces, and Buck sticks his hand out. 

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Eddie talks about you and Alex all the time.” He says honestly. He’s heard more about Alex and Elena in the past two weeks than he’s heard about Marisol in the entire months that she and Eddie have been dating. 

Not that he’s complaining, of course. He doesn’t particularly enjoy hearing about Eddie’s girlfriends, not when he’s in love with the man, but he’s doing his best to be chill about it. 

Elena smiles, wide and genuine, if not a little teasing. “I doubt it’s as much as he talks about you.” She says conspiratorially, and Buck laughs in delight at Eddie’s obvious blush. 

“I’ll trade you stories?” He offers mischievously, and Elena’s dark eyes light up in interest, but the others come up before they can talk more. 

“Buck, Eddie. Why are we here?” Bobby asks calmly, tone far less angry now that they’re in public, but Buck knows that he’s in for it once they get back to the station. 

Eddie looks out at all of them, gathered around curiously, before meeting Buck’s eyes, a clear message of, ‘Hey, it’s your kid. You run the show.’ that Eddie appreciates so much. 

So, he squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath. “Cap, Hen, Chim. This is Elena. She’s a friend from when I was a teenager. Our daughter Alex is competing in the debate tournament that’s set to start here in a little bit. She’s 15, and Elena and I only reconnected when Chris and I were visiting Texas a few months ago. Buck commandeered the engine so I wouldn’t miss Alex’s competition, because I can’t imagine letting her down so soon after entering her life.” He states firmly, but Buck can see the nerves in his eyes, can read the tension where his hand is fisted in his pocket. 

There’s a moment of silence - well, as silent as a full auditorium can be - before Bobby breaks the silence, lightly shaking himself out of his stupor holding his hand out to Elena with a polite, midwestern smile. “It’s very nice to meet you, Elena.” He says warmly, and that breaks the others out of their states, crowding around and asking for teenage Eddie stories, and Buck throws his hat in, because he’d like to heat those, too. 

Unfortunately, before Elena can spill any juicy details, somebody comes on the stage and asks everybody to take their seats as the debates are about to start. 

The 118 bids the Diaz brood goodbye, but Buck leans in closer to Eddie. “Here, give me your keys. I’ll grab your truck and run it up here, so you don’t have to rely on Carla or Pepa to get you and Chris home.” 

Buck can see that he wants to refuse, eyes shifting all over his face, but as the lights lower and the chatter dies off, he gives in with a sigh, digging into his pocket and handing them over. 

Buck grins and jingles them. “Perfect. See you guys in a bit.” He says before turning on his heel and exiting the auditorium as quickly and quietly as possible. 

Yeah, he thinks as he climbs into the engine and calls for dispatch to let them know they’re back in rotation, replaying Eddie’s smile and the way he said Buck’s name when he realized what Buck was doing. Definitely worth it.

Chapter Text

Alexandra peeked out around the curtain from behind the stage, knowing she was told not to, but needing to anyway. They hadn’t started yet, so everybody was milling about, or chatting easily with the people in the seats surrounding them. Eddie told her that he was going to be here, but the last time she checked, she’d only seen her mom, Chris, and two other women - her great Aunt Pepa and Chris' carer, Carla - that she only recognized from photos and knew through stories she'd been told.

She knew that her father was a firefighter, and that he didn’t really have set hours or anything, but he said that he would be here, and she has conflicting feelings about the fact that he hasn’t arrived yet. 

On one hand, she’s trying to be understanding. Yes, most people have arrived, but the debate doesn’t start for a while yet, so it’s not like he’s actually late, or anything. 

On the other, she feels a little bitter and vindicated. She’s been hesitant about really bonding with him, and if he were to miss this competition after promising he’d be here, she’d have a reason to be angry and write him off. 

As of right now, she doesn’t, and she kind of hates that she’s looking for a reason to do so in the first place. Eddie has been amazing, ever since she met him. He pays attention to what she says, and he listens when she speaks. He doesn’t talk over her or dismiss her thoughts, and he takes an interest in the things that she likes, even if they’re not what he enjoys. 

He’s letting their relationship progress at her pace, giving her full reign of what steps come next, but always there the moment she reaches out. He’s been kind of perfect, in all honesty, and she doesn’t know how to trust it. 

All her life, it’s been her and her mom. Her grandparents were judgmental her whole life, nothing she or her mom did was ever good enough for them, and they never failed to inform them of that. Her mom tried her best to shield her from their passive aggressive remarks, but she read comments on social media, and they never had an issue with saying things in front of her. Her great-grandparents were cool, but they lived so far away that she only really kept in touch with them through phone calls that her mom forced her to take, a fact that she kind of regrets now, since she can’t call up her great grandpa anymore. 

Mom didn’t date much, and nobody lasted long enough to be introduced to her. Mom's friends from work were nice, and they would come over and hang out every once in a while, or drag them out for a day at the mall, but they weren’t really family. 

At the center of it all, she feels a lot like the little 8-year-old Alex that laid in bed at night and wondered about her father. Mom said that it wasn’t her fault that he wasn’t around, but even as a girl, she wanted to know more. What would their life look like if he was around? Was he a millionaire, or a prince, that would sweep through the front door one day and whisk them away to his mansion? (Yes, she’d watched The Princess Diaries as a kid, don’t judge her.) Was he a good man? If he somehow found out about her, would he want her, or would he decide that taking on a kid her age was more trouble that she was worth?

She was scared, she was self-aware enough to admit that to herself. 

What would happen if she got to be too much, too mouthy, too snarky or too quick with a comeback? She was an argumentative person, she had a lot of opinions, and she didn’t always know when to let a conversation go. She pushed buttons and sometimes ignored social cues if she got really worked up. Her mom was great, always patient and kind with her, but sometimes, even she got tired of arguing with Alex, and she ended up being sent to her room more often than not when that happened. 

She’s been trying to curb that behavior while around Eddie, because she didn’t want to drive him away so soon after meeting him, but sometimes, they would get on a topic, and she had to physically bite her tongue to stop from talking. 

Debate team was a great outlet, but her brain was moving 24/7, and they didn’t always cover the topics that interested her most, so she still had all this leftover energy and opinions. 

She’s drawn out of her thoughts by a herd of people rushing into the auditorium in reflective turnout gear, Eddie leading the way with a relieved smile on her face. 

She assumes that the people behind him must be a part of his crew at the station, and they all look very confused as Eddie the people present for her. 

He waves a man over to him, and Alex gets her first in person look at Buck, her dad’s partner. She doesn’t know if they’re married or just dating but given that the other man is in the majority of Chris and Eddie’s stories, she assumes it’s pretty serious. Her dad doesn't wear a ring, but she also knows that rings in his line of work can be dangerous, so she figures he might just be in the habit of not wearing one, if they are married.

Her father rests his arm over Buck’s broad shoulders and draws him closer, saying something to her mother with a big smile on her face. She can’t see her mom’s reaction from her vantage point, but she sees the way Buck grins as he speaks to her, looking between all the group gathered around him. 

She watches as the rest of the firefighters approach them, curious and maybe confused, based on their facial expressions. She sees Eddie and Buck share a look, and then Eddie steps back and gestures to her mom, saying something that has jaws dropping on the turnout clad spectators. 

The announcer joins the stage from the other side, asking everyone to take their seat as they are about to begin the debate. 

She goes to turn away from the scene unfolding before her eyes, but not before she watches Buck take Eddie’s keys and leave, and definitely not before she sees the dopey expression on his face before he takes his seat next to Chris. 

She smiles as she heads further backstage to join the rest of her team. She’s excited to meet Buck, officially, and maybe one day, be loved in the way that those two love each other. 

In the meantime, she lets those thoughts float away and focuses all her attention on the task she’s about to partake in. 

She has a trophy to win, after all.

Chapter Text

Buck stood up straight, hands folded behind his back in Bobby’s office. 

“I genuinely don’t even know what to say, Buck. You hijacked the engine with the crew onboard. You do realize how serious that is, right?” Bobby demanded, looking disappointed. 

“Yes, sir.” He agrees. He does know. He just can’t bring himself to regret it. 

“If we had been called out again, you could’ve costed the LAFD hundreds of dollars in overtime, not to mention the complete disregard of everyone else’s time. I understand that you wanted to help your partner, but he wasn’t the only one in the truck. Everyone else had families to get to as well, but you ignored all of that. I honestly thought we were past the stage of you stealing the engine to impress a pretty face, Buck.” Bobby scolds, and Buck finds himself flushing guiltily. 

Okay, so maybe he’s not as casual about his crush as he would like if even Bobby has picked up on it. Thankfully, he’s pretty sure Eddie remains unaware, which is the important part. 

He still wants to protest, because Eddie means way more to him than any of the girl’s he’d stolen the truck for in the past, and he didn’t do what he did to impress Eddie, either. He did it because Eddie needed help, and he had a solution. 

“I understand your concerns, sir, and I wish that it hadn’t happened like that.” He replies diplomatically. 

Bobby narrows his eyes. “Do you actually regret doing it, or do you just wish that the circumstances under which you behaved hadn’t come about?” He clarifies after a long moment. 

Buck’s silence is enough of an answer. They both know he doesn’t regret getting Eddie to Alex in time, and they also know he would do it again. He’d do pretty much anything for his partner. Not because of his feelings, but because they were partners , and when they offered to have each other’s backs in that darkened parking lot all those years ago, Buck meant it. Even before he realized his feelings, Buck would put everything on the line for Eddie, and Chris. 

Alex might be a new addition, but she’s important to Eddie, and that’s good enough for Buck. 

Bobby sighs, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. “You’re suspended, Firefighter Buckley. Two weeks, unpaid. Now get out of here. Eddie’s going to need his keys.” He states tiredly, eyes closed. 

“Yes sir.” Buck nods and then does his best not to run from the room. 

He doesn’t like disappointing Bobby, hates the way his skin flashes with heat and the lump in his throat. It’s no secret that he sees Bobby as a father figure, more of a dad than Philip Buckley ever was, so yeah, disappointing him, letting Bobby down, makes him feel awful. 

For Eddie though…?

He’ll survive. 

He doesn’t bother changing out of his uniform, just grabs his bag and climbs into Eddie’s truck, tossing his duffel into the passenger seat. 

He can pick up the Jeep later, he and Eddie leave their vehicles at the station pretty consistently, with the amount of time they spend injured at the hospital from work or the times where they ride together back to Eddie’s, so he’s not worried about that. 

He figures Eddie will drop him off on the way back or they can ride into work together tomorrow, depending on what the rest of his plans are for the evening. It is Friday night, so Marisol might be coming over, but Natalia is busy with a client, so he won’t see her until that job is over. 

Natalia is great, smart and empathetic, and he enjoys being around her. He doesn’t think it’s going to be a forever thing, but he’ll never know unless he tries. Even if it isn’t, he likes having someone, not having to be alone while everyone else is busy with their families. 

He knows the others - specifically Eddie - don’t really get their relationship but, in addition to seeing Dr. Copeland again, she helped him process the fact that he died. 

He knows they’ll never really see death the same way, but he’s okay with that for now. He’s not going to do what he did with Taylor and expect her to change. He’s just going to accept what he can deal with, and if it comes to a point that he can’t, then he’ll break up with her. 

He doesn’t know if he’s matured emotionally, or if his feelings for Eddie make his relationship with Natalia seem less groundbreaking than his past relationships, but he’s going to go with the first one. 

He hums along absentmindedly to the radio, vaguely recognizing the song that plays on Eddie’s favorite radio station, since the man is practically allergic to technology, and only uses the Bluetooth function on his truck when Chris or Buck are in the car with him. 

It takes about 45 minutes to get to the convention center from the station at this time of night, and that added into the time in Bobby’s office and the drive back to the station in the first place to return the engine and his co-workers, Buck has accepted that he’s going to miss the actual debate, which is fine. Better him than Eddie, honestly. He just hopes that he’ll get the chance to meet Alexandra before the bus leaves to head home. 

The parking lot is still pretty full of cars by the time he pulls up, and he does grumble a little bit about having to find a parking spot all the way in the back, instead of being able to park right at the entrance, like he did earlier. 

He can see the buses starting to move into position to load everyone up, so he jogs through the parking lot, only stopping once he gets into the center. He can hear chatter in the room where they gathered earlier, so he calls Eddie to see where they are, and is directed to the left of the stage, grinning when he sees Eddie’s arm in the air waving him over. 

It takes him a second to work his way through the crowd of people to where Eddie and everybody else is standing, all of the students and their families gathered in groups and chatting. 

“Hey.” Eddie greets, once he reaches them. “So, how bad is it?”

Buck shrugs. “Not fired, so that’s already better than last time.” He jokes, trying to avoid the question. 

Eddie doesn’t let him though, gaze steady as he raises an eyebrow. Buck sighs and rolls his eyes. “Suspended without pay for two weeks.” 

Eddie’s eyes go soft, brows furrowed in a complicated expression that he can’t fully read. “ Buck.” He says, his tone making the blonde’s insides all shivery. He actually has to suppress a tremor that slips down his spine. 

Jesus, he’d do just about anything to hear Eddie say his name in that tone again. 

He pushes that thought away, it’s completely inappropriate for right now, choosing to bump their shoulders together instead. “Eds. I knew there would be consequences, and I don’t regret it. I’d do it again in this situation and we both know it. Bobby does too. I’m actually pretty sure he’s given up on reprimanding me, to a certain extent. He knows it never sinks in my thick skull.” He quips, knocking his fist lightly against the side of his head. 

“You got in trouble?” Chris asks, pulling the two firefighters out of their soft stare down. 

Buck smiles at the surprise in Chris’ voice. “Yeah, I did. I knew I was going to; stealing is bad. Don’t forget that, Superman.” He instructs playfully, grinning at the eyeroll he gets in response. 

His eyes land on a member of the group that wasn’t present before, a young girl with tan skin and dark hair who does, in fact, look strikingly similar to Eddie’s older sister, who’s studying him thoughtfully. “ You must be Alex. Eddie hasn’t stopped talking about you for months. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He says earnestly, biting his lip to hide a chuckle as Eddie blinks rapidly out of the stupor he’d been in after hearing about Buck’s punishment. 

“Right, sorry, sorry. Alex, this is Buck. Buck, my daughter, Alex.” He says with a grin and an awkwardly dramatic flourish that has the whole group amused. 

Alex smiles at him politely. “It’s nice to meet you too, Buck. Chris and Eddie both talk a lot about you. Uhm, but why are you in trouble, exactly?” She asks brows drawn over her eyes in question, having missed the explanation earlier. 

“Oh, uhm…” He rubs at the back of his neck, suddenly nervous. He really wants Eddie’s daughter to like him, and maybe that’s silly. Taylor had definitely hit the nail on the head when she said he couldn’t stand when people didn’t like him, but it’s a bit more than that now. 

Alex is really important to Eddie. He’s missed out on a lot of her life, and he wants to be involved in it now. If she doesn’t like him, or doesn’t feel comfortable around him, that’s not going to impact his relationship with Eddie in a positive way. 

Before he can answer, Eddie explains for him. “We got called out late in our shift, and the call was long enough that I would’ve probably missed the debate if I had to go all the way back to the station and then drive back here. Buck, here, hijacked the engine and basically kidnapped our co-workers to make sure that I could get here in time to watch you kick ass.” 

Her dark eyes are curious on him, but he can see a bit of mischief in her eyes. “Sounds like you have a lot of stories, Buck.” She guesses, and he chuckles awkwardly. 

“I do, and almost none of them are appropriate to share. Eddie doesn’t even know them all.” He agrees. 

She hums disappointedly, but whatever she was planning on saying is interrupted by an announcement that it’s time to load the buses to head home. 

He can see the disappointment in Eddie’s eyes and hates that he can’t fix it. 

Alex can though, and she does, by stepping forward and giving him a quick hug, one that his best friend is all too eager to return. 

She’s chewing her bottom lip as she steps back, gaze darting between both her parents for a second, before she visibly makes a decision. Squaring her shoulders, she meets Eddie’s gaze with a defiant one of her own. 

“So, Mom has a conference in a couple of weeks out of state. It’s after summer break starts, and she doesn’t want to leave me alone. We thought, maybe- I mean, you mentioned me coming to visit you, and I- I think that could be cool, if you had the time, or if you wanted, I could maybe… stay with you guys, for the week?” Her surety fades the longer she speaks, like she’s suddenly unsure whether she can ask that or not. 

Eddie’s eyes are wide in disbelief, snapping to Elena in question, who just nods with a smile, before a giant smile overtakes his face and he laughs, reaching out to hug Alex again. “Yes! Yeah, of course you can stay with us. We’d love to have you. Right, Chris?” He asks his son, who’s smile is almost as big as he takes the few steps to join the group hug. 

Elena’s smile is a little watery, Buck notices, but he'd be lying if he said she was the only one. Hell, he even felt a bit teary-eyed at the obvious love. 

The hug only lasted a few seconds before another student came by - someone from Alex’s time, based on the matching uniform - to grab her and get on the bus. 

Elena promises to call Eddie later to iron out the details of the trip, and then they’re leaving, a chorus of “nice to meet you’s” echoing between them all. 

Once the mother-daughter duo is gone, the rest of them head out, too, splitting off in the parking lot to their separate vehicles. 

On the drive back to the city, Buck lets Eddie’s beaming smile and Chris’ excited chatter wash over him, and thinks, yeah, he’d steal a thousand firetrucks for this little family he’s made.

Chapter Text

Eddie and Elena make plans for Alex to stay with him for the week that her mom is out of town, and then Elena is going to come after her conference is done to stay in LA for a long weekend. Eddie goes a little crazy, cleaning the guest room, even though Carla is basically the only one that uses it and never leaves it a mess. 

He finally tells Marisol about Alex on one of their dates after the competition, and he can tell that she’s thrown by it, but he was expecting that. Throwing a whole ass second kid into the mix is enough to give anybody pause, but she seems cool about it, after it really sinks in, and he’s grateful for that. 

He’s still not sure about introducing her and Chris yet, since they’ve only been dating for about 3 and a half months, but he’s not sure what the right timeline is. He knows he introduced Ana too early, but Chris was also several years younger back then. Is he overcorrecting, dragging it out so long? Chris is a teenager now, and it’s no longer his first relationship after Shannon, so that has to change some things, too. 

Honestly, he’s not sure. Part of him realizes that he’s going to have to do something to streamline his time, because there’s a lot going on, and he’s had to reschedule several dates with her over the last few months and miss out on other time together because of Chris or Alex or work or other family. If she met Chris though, he could spend time with them together, and that would take some strain off his time. 

Then again, he’s not sure if that’s really a good reason to invite someone new into his son’s life - his own convenience. He thinks that Marisol and Chris both deserve better than that, and maybe he does, too. 

Buck has probably done research into the topic at some point during his millions of research spirals. Maybe Eddie will ask him about it at some point, especially since he knows his friend had some thoughts about how he handled his entire relationship with Ana. 

For now, he does his best to juggle all the important people in his life, making sure he’s responding to Alex, and that he’s seeing Chris and not letting their friendship with Buck struggle, since he’s doing the same. 

That’s something he’s always appreciated about Buck’s friendship, the fact that their relationships have never come between them. No matter who they’re dating, they always make time for movie nights and outings, and Buck has dropped everything he’s doing when they’ve needed him. 

Some dark, shadowy part of his brain whispers, that’s why none of your relationships have worked out. It’s not sustainable for Buck to be that high on your priority list and vice versa, especially when you’re putting each other above your significant others but Eddie, as always, ignores that voice. 

What they have works. He’s not going to change anything now, not when the three of them are so fully intertwined that they’re a unit all on their own. It works for them, and that’s all that matters. 

On the day he’s flying out to get Alex and bring her home with him, he’s driving home from running last minute errands with only about 2 hours to go before Buck is going to drop him off at the airport. 

The sun is shining, and the birds are chirping, and he doesn’t even see the truck that ran the light until the grill is gleaming right outside his driver’s side window. 

The sound of tires squealing, and metal crunching fills the air, and then he can’t hear a single thing as he slips away into darkness.

Chapter Text

Buck gets the call as he and Natalia are out to brunch. He scheduled this purposefully, knowing that he might not be able to be quite as present with her in the coming week, so he wanted to get in some quality time now. 

They’ve already eaten and paid and are now enjoying the weather on the restaurant's outdoor patio. She’s telling him a story about her co-worker when his phone rings, the ringtone loudly interrupting her. 

He digs it out of his pocket, apologizing the whole time, breath catching in his lungs when the screen reads Possibly: Cedars-Sinai Hospital. 

He almost drops it in his haste to swipe to accept the call before it rings out, images of his sister or niece, maybe even Chris, and blood and heart monitors and the smell of antiseptic and- 

“This is Evan Buckley.” He answers as soon as the call connects. 

“Mr. Buckley, this is the nurse's station from Cedars, we have you listed as a medical proxy for one of our patients here. Are you able to come down here and make some medical decisions?” A polite voice asks. 

He’s already waiving Natalia up and guiding her towards the Jeep before the nurse stops speaking, climbing up into the driver's seat as he answers. “Yes, yeah, of course. I can be there in about 25 minutes. C- can I ask who it is?” He stutters, simultaneously dreading the answer and needing to know what to expect. 

“Mr. Edmundo Diaz.” She answers gently, and it takes all of Buck’s concentration to keep the Jeep in his lane and on the road. “We can tell you more when you get here, Mr. Buckley. We’ll see you shortly.”

After she hangs up, Buck grips the steering wheel with both hands, trying not to give into the panic crowding around the edges of his vision. 

The image of a rainy night and lightning and mud flash behind his eyes, soon replaced by the feeling of sticky, hot blood on his skin and Eddie dropping to the pavement like a sack of potatoes, followed quickly by his best friend trapped in a fallen ambulance and he shakes his head to clear it. 

He can hear a noise from his right, which he thinks is Natalia talking, but his entire focus is on not crashing so he can get to the hospital as quickly as possible. 

He doesn’t remember anything about the drive, which is probably very unsafe, but the next thing he really knows, he’s hopping out of the Jeep at the hospital and hurrying inside, Natalia practically running to keep up with his strides.

“Hi, my name is Evan Buckley, I was called for Eddi- Edmundo Diaz?” He stutters over his best friend's name, sometimes forgetting that “Eddie” is actually a nickname too. 

The nurse gives him a sympathetic smile and then flags down a doctor, who pulls them aside and gives him the rundown. 

Eddie’s truck was t-boned on the driver's side, and then was pushed up against a guard rail. Several bones on his left side are broken, and they're worried that those bones damaged a few organs. It took them a while to get to him, given the placement of the other truck and the hill on the other side, so he also lost a substantial amount of blood. 

Buck listens to all of this with a clenched jaw, trying to ignore the burning in his nose and the pressure behind his eyes. There are several options for surgery, and Buck has to be in control in order to make those decisions. 

“Ed- Eddie has a kid. Chris, he’s 12. Was- was he-” He can’t bring himself to finish the question, just in case there’s a reason that they’re not also asking him questions about the boy’s care. 

The doctor gives him a reassuring smile. “As far as I know, Mr. Diaz was alone in the vehicle. The first responders didn’t mention anything about a minor.” 

Buck exhales heavily, locking his knees when it feels like his legs might give out in relief. Chris has decided that he’s old enough to be left home alone for short periods of time, and Eddie has done his best to support his son’s independence. It’s never for very long, and one of the stipulations is that his cell phone is always on and answered if one of them calls. 

Buck knows this, but he also knew that he would not have been able to hold it together had he called, and Chris not answered. Not before he knew what was going on. 

“Okay, okay. Okay. Okay, so,” He puts his relief for Chris away and refocuses on Eddie’s care, signing a million consent forms to get his best friend the help he needs, and asking to be kept updated. 

That done, he turns and starts back to the Jeep, mind already running a million miles an hour. He needs to tell Chris, obviously, and the rest of Eddie’s family, but first, he needs to go back to the loft, drop Nat off and pack some clothes to stay at the Diaz house and grab his work bag. Eddie hasn’t mentioned changing his will, so he should still be Chris’ legal guardian. 

Although, the man didn’t tell him he changed it in the first place, so maybe he should call Eddie’s lawyer and make sure, just in case. 

Then, he needs to call Bobby and let him know, because the department will probably need some kind of paperwork from the hospital, though they can probably pull the reports from whichever station responded to the call. He doubts it was the 118, because they definitely would have called him upon realizing it was Eddie. Even if it was a newbie, the captain would’ve called Bobby, and his phone hasn’t rung with his captain’s number yet, so probably not the 118. 

His phone does ring then, but it’s not Bobby. 

Superman. It’s Chris’ face smeared with cupcake batter from their last time cooking for the bake sale. 

“Hey, buddy.” He answers shakily, forcing a smile onto his face, even though Chris can’t see it. 

“Buck, I think something’s wrong. Dad was running an errand, but it’s been a while and he’s not back yet, and he’s-” 

“Hey, hey, okay. Breathe for me, Chris.” Buck interrupts when Christopher’s breathing gets short, doing his best to focus on both the road and the boy on his phone. “It’s going to be okay. Something did happen with your dad, but he's already at the hospital, and the doctors are working on him now . ” He quickly adds when he hears the hitch in Chris’ throat. “I’m on my way to my apartment to grab a couple things and then I’m heading over. Are you okay to be alone for another 20 minutes or so?” He asks, hating the thought of leaving his favorite boy alone, but also knowing that he needs to get his stuff because he won’t be able to leave once he gets to the Diaz house. 

Chris hesitates, and then asks quietly. “He’s alive?”

Buck has to take a second to breathe through what feels like his heart breaking in half. “Yeah, bud, he’s alive. He’s in surgery right now, and I’ll tell you everything I know once I get there, I promise.” 

Chris sniffles. “Okay. 20 minutes?”

Buck nods emphatically. “20 minutes.” He swears. If he has to break every traffic law to keep to that timeframe, he’s more than prepared to do so. 

“Okay. I’ll see you in 20 minutes, Buck.” Chris says shakily and then hangs up the phone. 

Buck takes a deep breath as he pulls into his parking space at his apartment complex and then jumps out, mentally starting the clock. 

It’s about a 15-minute drive to Eddie’s place, which gives him about 5 minutes to get inside, pack whatever he’s going to need to stay with Chris for a few days and then get on the road. 

He expects Natalia to leave once they get out of the Jeep, but she doesn’t, following him up to the loft with a bewildered look on her face. One that he ignores as he takes his steps two at a time and starts throwing clothes and hygiene products in a bag.

“Buck, what are you doing?” She finally asks. 

He pauses for a second at her question, unsure of what she means, before reminding himself that there’s a not so little boy waiting on him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you packing like you’re getting ready to move out for the foreseeable future?” She retorts. 

“Uhm… because I am?” He answers, a little confused. She was in the car with him, didn’t she hear his side of the conversation with Chris?

“Okay, but why?” She reiterates. “Eddie has other family. You’ve mentioned his aunt and his sisters and parents and cousins and a girlfriend, why are you acting like it has to be you?” 

He stops where he’s throwing his charger into his bag and finally looks at her. “Because it is me, Nat. I am Christopher’s legal guardian if something happens to Eddie. Even before I knew all of that, Christopher was my priority. You know how important he is to me.” He accuses, unable to understand where her wide-eyed shock is coming from. 

“You’re his godparent?!” She all but yells. 

“Yes, Nat, that’s what I just said.” He rolls his eyes with a huff, a little annoyed by her continued questioning. He’s pretty sure he’s made it very clear that Chris comes first. 

“Buck. You told me about Lucy and Taylor and the sperm donation, but you didn’t think that having a whole ass child that you’re already responsible for would’ve been important information to share?! Not to mention, you’re apparently Eddie’s medical proxy?!” Buck doesn’t want to say that she shrieks, but that’s the best description he can use. 

“That’s- this- that’s a lot to just put on a person, Buck. I don’t- I think I might need some time to come to terms with that.” She continues. 

He stops dead in his tracks, turning around slowly to stare at her in disbelief. Is she serious? His best friend is fighting for his life in the hospital, his son is scared for his dad and all alone right now, and she’s asking for more time? She already walked out once. Is she going to walk away every single time she learns more about his life? He’s never hidden how important the Diazes are to him, it’s not like this is coming out of nowhere. 

He nods slowly, trying to keep the bitterness from consuming him. “If you walk out that door, Natalia, don’t come back.” He says quietly. 

She stares at him from the kitchen, eyes drilling into him up in the loft. After a long moment, she nods too, and gives him a small smile. “Goodbye, Buck.” 

And then she’s gone, the door closing with a quiet click behind her, and it’s like she was never there in the first place. 

He shakes it off, finishing his hunt for supplies and then jogging out of the apartment, taking the stairs to get out as quickly as possible. 

On the way to the Diaz house, he calls Bobby and tells him what happened, as well as Pepa, promising both of them that he will pass along information as soon as it’s given to him, including the room number, once they get him settled from surgery. 

Exactly 20 minutes from his phone call with Chris, he’s parking in the empty driveway and pulling his key out to enter the house, calling for the kid as he enters. 

Chris is already waiting in the hallway, and he peppers Buck with questions the second he’s in range. Buck ushers him to the couch and explains everything as accurately as he can, without scaring him further. 

Chris wipes a few tears away, and has Buck reiterate that they’re hopeful. He’s not totally out of the woods, but the doctors are confident in their ability to keep him breathing, and Buck hasn’t gotten any calls, so he’s hoping that no news is good news. 

It’s a heavy talk, and Buck is doing his best to hold it together better this time than he did last time. Eddie wasn’t mad about Buck breaking down after the shooting, but Buck was. He should have been the adult and comforted Chris, instead of the other way around. 

Chris is leaning against his side now, snug under Buck’s arm, a few tears glittering on his lash line when he looks up. “What does this mean for Alex??”

“Alex?” Buck questions, before it clicks into place. “ Shit. ” He scrambles for his phone to check the time, and of course, it’s way too late to catch the original flight, given that it leaves in half an hour and they’re over 50 minutes from LAX. “Shit, shit, shit.” 

He doesn’t have Elena’s number, and Eddie’s phone was destroyed in the crash. Even if he did, that seems like awful news to give over the phone. 

“You owe the swear jar a lot of money.” Chris remarks dryly, and they both chuckle a little, the familiar joke breaking the tension a little bit. 

“Put it on my tab, I’m good for it.” He promises, before he starts thinking aloud. “Okay, I’m going to call Carla or Bobby for you, I think Maddie is off today, and then book the next flight to see Alex and Elena and let them know what’s going on, and -”

“No! I want to come with you!” Chris interrupts vehemently. 

Buck opens his mouth to argue, trying to dissuade him, but then he notices the trademark furrow of his brow - which means there’s a Diaz about to be stubborn about something - and the way he’s still leaning into Buck’s side, which is something he hasn’t done in a while. 

Mentally, he curses the cost of an extra plane ticket, but acquiesces. He doesn’t really want to let Chris out of his sight either, so he can’t be too upset. 

“Guess we better get moving then, if we want to make the next flight.”

Chapter Text

The next flight to San Francisco is in 2 hours, so he calls Pepa to let her know what’s going on. He takes up her offer to drive them to the airport, not wanting to pay for parking or a rideshare to LAX right now. 

He and Chris zip through the ticket stand and security quickly, since they don’t have any bags. The tickets he purchases are round trip, and he’s glad that Eddie scheduled this for early in the day, so they have time to get there and back all in the same day. 

The plane ride is quick, only about an hour and a half, and then they’re catching an Uber to the address Chris had saved on his phone because Eddie was still bad with technology, even after all this time. 

The 45 minute Uber ride was tense; Chris solemn, and Buck unable to stop fidgeting with nerves. He’s still waiting to hear from the hospital with an update on Eddie, and he’s trying to remind himself that they had to prep him and that there were several things they needed to do, that he shouldn’t expect a call yet. 

Eventually, the car pulls up in front of an apartment complex, and the two climb out, Chris leading the way to the correct door. Buck takes a shaky breath and then knocks, trying to pull that kind, but professional mask on that Bobby perfected when it comes to delivering bad news. 

Elena opens the door, looking harried, though it bleeds to confusion as she lays eyes on them. “Chris? Buck? What are you guys doing here? Where’s Eddie? He didn’t show up earlier and he’s not answering my calls.”

Buck drops a hand to Christopher’s shoulder and squeezes lightly, a silent request to let him handle it. “That’s why we’re here. Is Alex home?” He asks, following along behind her when she waves them inside and closes the door behind them. 

She folds her cardigan closed and crossing her arms. “She is, she’s in her room. She’s really upset at Eddie, though.” She warns with a sigh, and Buck nods. He’s not surprised, being stood up is never a good feeling, but he’s hoping that she’ll at least give him the chance to explain. 

“Can you get her? I think it would be better to tell you together, and I would rather not have to explain it twice.” He requests with a shaky smile. 

She studies him for a long moment, before yelling for her daughter. “Alex, come here, please?”

“Tell Eddie if he showed up that he can go right back home! I told him that we didn’t need him, you can’t make me go!” She yells back, the anger doing very little to hide the hurt in her voice. 

“Alexandra Maria Sanchez, get out here!”  

Normally, Buck would snicker at being full named, but it’s hard to find anything funny in this situation, when so much is going on. Instead, he just takes a seat beside Chris on the couch and listens as Alex stomps down the hall. 

Her steps falter when she sees Buck and Chris, eyes darting quickly to her mother, who shrugs in response. “Hey Chris. Hi Buck. What are you doing here?” She wonders warily, eyes scanning the room for the missing person. 

“Hey Alex. Why don’t you take a seat.” Buck invites, trying not to wince at the strangled quality of his voice. 

The teenager opens her mouth to say something - probably something argumentative, judging by the spark in her eyes - but changes her mind after looking at Chris. Instead, she clenches her jaw and nods, hurt and anger lining her every move as she heavily plops down in the chair across from them, Elena coming to stand behind her daughter, gaze unflinching on him. 

Buck holds his next breath for a beat before exhaling slowly. Breaking news like this always sucks, but especially when it’s Eddie, and even more so when he has to break it to the people that care about his partner. “Eddie was out running errands this morning, getting ready for your visit.” He starts, holding Alex’s dark eyes. “They don’t know exactly what happened yet, but there was an accident. Somebody hit his truck. He was alive when he got to the hospital, but in pretty bad shape. They rushed him to surgery, and - given that I haven’t gotten any updates yet - he’s still being operated on.” He closes his eyes when Elena gasps softly, hand rising to cover her mouth. Alex’s eyes have grown wide and glassy, and God, he hates telling Eddie’s kids that their dad is hurt. 

“Is- is he going to be okay?” She asks, sounding so much younger than almost 16, and vastly different from the girl who stomped into the room mere seconds ago. 

He clears his throat to try and dispel the boulder taking up residence in his windpipe, and does his best to continue, willing to share whatever information he has, even if it is severely lacking. “His left side got crushed pretty well, and he lost a substantial amount of blood in the time it took them to get him cut out and to the hospital, so until they get him through surgery, we- we’re not really sure of the outcome. That’s why he’s not here, not because he doesn’t want to be. He’s been so excited that you were coming out, Alex. Eddie has wanted you around since the minute he found out about you, and I don’t ever want you to doubt that.” He swears vehemently, even if his voice cracks in the middle. 

She nods rapidly, dropping her head in her hands as her shoulders start to shake, her mom leaning down and wrapping her arms around the girl. “I was so mad when he didn’t show up. I thought he changed his mind or something, and the whole time, he was bleeding out and fighting for his life in some hospital .” Guilt coats every syllable as the confession is ripped from her throat, and there’s no surprise when the sentence ends on a sob, curling further into her mother’s embrace. 

He quickly stands and makes his way across the small room, squatting down next to her chair, hand landing on her arm. “Hey, hey, no. Don’t go there. Listen, of course you thought that. Your dad hasn’t been around you for very long, and then, when he was supposed to show up and bring you home with him for the first time, he doesn’t show or answer his phone? Nobody blames you for assuming that. I can tell you until I’m blue in the face that Eddie would never and will never regret being in your life, but trust has to be built, and that takes time. You can’t go back and change what you were feeling before you knew, so there’s no reason for you to add guilt to everything you’re already feeling, okay?” 

His voice is gentle, and so is his smile when she looks at him with tears streaming down her face. A bump to his side draws his attention to the left, where Chris has gotten up and is intently trying to sit on the chair beside his half-sister. It’s a bit of a squeeze, but Alex automatically shifts to make room, pulling out of Elena’s arms slightly to hug Chris, who automatically returns the gesture. 

It makes Buck's heart squeeze to see the siblings draw comfort from each other. Chris had talked a lot when he was younger about wanting a brother or sister, and although nobody ever imagined it happening like this, he’s happy that the boy has that relationship. 

The sound of his phone - volume turned all the way up so there’s no way he’d miss it - ringing breaks the moment, and he scrambles to dig it out of his pocket, heart skipping a beat as the hospital’s information flashes across the screen again. 

He turns around and walks to the other end of the room for a modicum of privacy, absently hearing the way Elena speaks to the kids in a soft voice, obviously trying to draw their attention away from him and whatever information might be on the other end of this call. 

“This is Evan Buckley.” 

“Mr. Buckley, this is Cedars, we wanted to call and give you an update on Edmundo Diaz.” A vaguely familiar voice states, and he holds his breath. It’s been about 5 hours since he left the hospital, is that enough time to have fixed everything wrong with Eddie? Nearly his entire left side was damaged, and there’s a lot of organs on the left side of the body that are vital, like the heart, and the lung, the pancreas and a kidney. If his bones were crushed, how much surgery would he need to repair the damages to those organs? Can it be done within 5 hours?

Or are they calling to tell him that they’d done all they could but that there was too much damage? 5 hours seems like a long time, but for that much abuse, is it enough? Is it enough time? It doesn’t feel like enough time, and if he’s about to learn that Eddie died in surgery with his kids in the same room, Buck is going to pass out. He’s going to scream, or cry or something, he doesn’t know, but he can’t hear that Eddie is-

“Mr. Diaz made it through surgery alright. He’s stable, but he’s in a medically induced coma until the swelling on his brain goes down and his body has a chance to heal up some more. He did code once during surgery and we had to remove his spleen because of the damage, but as of right now, he’s in recovery. If you’d like, you can come in and speak with his doctor, she can give you further information about his condition.” 

Buck’s knees give out from sheer relief, and he throws a hand up against the wall to brace himself as he breathes easily for the first time since he got that initial phone call. He closes his eyes against the sudden itch that warns him of incoming tears. “That- that’s great. Thank you so much for calling.” 

He hangs up a second later, after getting a room number to send to everyone in LA, and then steps back into the room fully, a quivering, wet smile on his face. “He’s out of surgery and stable. They’re keeping him asleep so he can heal up some more, but he’s out of surgery, and it seems like he’s going to be okay.” He shares with the others, watching as the news soothes the lines of stress across their faces, shoulders lifting as if the unknown was a physical weight pulling them down. 

“He’s going to be okay?” Chris checks, like he needs to make sure he didn’t mishear Buck. 

The blonde retakes his spot on the ground by the chair, lifting on hand to rest on Christopher’s face and smiles. “I’m going to talk to his doctor when we get home, and I assume they’ll probably tell me we won’t know any long reaching consequences for sure, but he’s okay now. He’s stable and they’re going to keep an eye on him. Plus, I’m going to call Pepa and Bobby, so they’ll look after him too, and your dad knows better than to argue with Tia Pepa, yeah?” 

When his small body falls into Buck with a nod, one hand curling in his shirt, he’s expecting it. He’s ready, arm out and curling around his back, hand landing on the back of Chris’ head. 

He’s less prepared for the second body that curls up against his chest, face buried in his shoulder, but adjusts quickly, holding both of them close. 

His eyes fly up to Elena - whether he’s looking for condemnation or permission, he’s not sure - but her face is soft, and she gives him an unsteady nod, hand still held over her heart. She doesn’t seem upset, so he mentally shrugs, perfectly content to kneel there and be a source of comfort for as long as needed. 

— 

Being teenagers, they don’t stay still for very long, drawing away after a few minutes to sit back in the chair. He doesn’t mention their red eyes, and they don’t mention his. 

After another moment of quiet, Elena draws his attention away, mumbling at her phone as she stares down at it intently in the other room. He stands and quietly makes his way over to her, the kids talking in quiet voices behind him. 

“Everything okay?”

Her head snaps up at his question, startled. She tries to smile, he assumes in reassurance, but it comes across as more of a grimace. “Yeah, it’s fine. I’m just trying to see if I can get out of this conference. It doesn’t feel right to go, what with Eddie. I know that you guys were already planning on having her this week, but making you watch two kids when you’re already worrying about your partner doesn’t seem fair.” She tells him quietly, and he blinks rapidly at her assumption that Alex would still be coming back with them. 

Sure, that’s what he was going to suggest anyway - since he’s fully aware of the reason why she was coming out to LA in the first place - but he was wholly prepared to have to justify his suggestion and explain his reasoning. Instead, Elena is merely worried that it might be too much for him to have both of them. Something about the way she said “partner” too, with an intonation that’s heavier than what he thinks it deserves. It throws him, but he eventually clears his head and tunes back into the conversation. 

“No, don’t worry about it. We’ll be fine. If you can get out of it, or even leave early, you can crash at my apartment, that way you don’t have to worry about finding a hotel, especially this time of the year. I can probably talk Bobby into giving me the time off, and if not, then Carla is around, and so is Pepa. We can figure it out, either way. We’re not in this alone, and neither are you.” He promises, holding her eyes. 

He’s not imagining the relief in her eyes when she steps forward and hugs him tightly, quickly. “You’re a lifesaver, Buck. I’ll call you if I can get back early, but please keep me updated on Eddie’s condition?” She asks, and he agrees easily. 

“Okay, Alex, go get your stuff. You’re going to go with Buck and Chris, and I’ll follow you whenever I can leave the conference, does that sound good?” 

The girl’s eyes dart to him, like she’s worried he’s going to argue. “I know you and Chris already had plans for your visit, and there’s some stuff that Eddie wanted to do with you. I mean, I know I’m not your dad, but if you’re cool with it, I figured I could watch you while your parents are busy. I promise I’ll do my best not to snore too loud.” He jokes, remembering Christopher’s complaint the last time he stayed at the Diaz house because of an Eddie injury. 

The teenager rolled his eyes, landing them on his older sister with a deadpan expression. “I wouldn’t bet on it. He says that all the time, and yet somehow, he always rattles the house when he sleeps over.”

“Hey!” Buck calls in faux offense, but it’s worth it for the way the rest of the room chuckles. 

“Okay, yeah. I mean, if uh, if you’re sure about it, and you don’t mind. I mean, I know I’m not your kid or anything, and you probably weren’t planning on watching me all week by yourself, but I-” Alex awkwardly stumbles over her words, as if she believes Buck is giving up something to hang out with her for a week, and he can’t have that. 

“Hey. You may not be my kid, but that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly excited to get to know you anyway. Eddie and Chris both talk about you all the time, I feel like I’m missing out because our schedules haven’t lined up well enough for me to meet you. I am more than happy to take full advantage of that now, okay? Don’t worry that I’m just offering to be nice or anything, I’ve been looking forward to spending time with you while you were in LA since the moment I heard you were coming.” He tells her truthfully. He knows how much it sucks to feel unwanted as a kid, and even if it’s just for a week or so, he’s going to do everything he can to make sure Alex doesn’t feel that way. 

“It’s true. He’s been texting Dad a bunch of stuff for us to do while you’re in town. It’s a little excessive, honestly.” Chris pipes up again, and Buck holds his hand to his chest as he looks at the kid. 

“Okay, is this a Roast Session that I missed the flier for? Don’t pull your punches, kid. Tell me how you really feel.” He says sarcastically, though he does nothing to hide the grin on his face. 

Watching Christopher grow from that kid in the back of his Jeep after an earthquake to this teenager before him, all wit and snappy comebacks and intelligence, has been one of the greatest joys in his life, and he wouldn’t trade this kid for anything, burning roasts included. 

The reassurance and following banter seems to have put Alex at ease, laughing along with them, before she stands. “Well, okay then. I guess I’ll go get my stuff. I’ll be sure to grab my noise canceling earphones too, just in case!” She calls over her shoulder as she disappears down the hall, presumably towards her room. 

“Oh no! You two are not allowed to gang up on me this week. Ceasefire, I’m waving the white flag.” He cries, listening to the laughter bubbling up in the apartment in response. 

He’s glad that they’re able to laugh and have a good time, but he can’t quiet the voice that whispers in his ear and reminds him that a crucial part of their family is missing. 

Eddie should be here, and Buck vows to hold down the fort until he can be. Losing him is not an option.

Chapter Text

Elena drives them to the airport, scolding him with a click of her tongue when he tells her that she doesn’t have to. “We’re not in this alone, that’s what you said.” She reminds him, pointedly parroting his own words. He gives in after that, climbing into the front seat of her car while Alex and Chris chat quietly in the back. 

The 45-minute ride seems to pass by much quicker this time, probably because he spends most of it on the phone, reaching out to Bobby and Pepa with updates and sending them the information he received from the nurse during their phone call. He also texts both the other’s cell phone numbers after they talk about wanting to make sure he’s got someone sitting with him as often as they can. 

Buck’s scheduled for three shifts the coming week, and Bobby gets back with him that he’s able to get him off of all except one, so then he has to call Carla too and explain the situation to check her availability for the week. Thankfully, she’s free to watch both kids that day, and he heaves a sigh once they hang up. Next time, maybe he thinks maybe he should just do a goddamn conference call, that way all of the information can be put out at once and save himself all these back and forth phone calls. 

Pepa offered to reach out to Eddie’s parents, which saves him one more difficult call, a move that he’s very grateful for. His best friend might be working on bettering his relationship with his parents, but Buck thinks one impromptu flight is his limit, especially with Christopher, and now Alex in his care. Besides, plane tickets are expensive. 

They all exchange hugs with Elena once they arrive to their destination, wrangling a promise to be good from her daughter and another from Buck to not forget his vow to send updates, both on Eddie’s status and about how they’re getting along. She ensures that they swap numbers now, so they can get in touch without worry. He promises that they’ll be okay, but he’s dealt with Eddie as a single parent for too long to assume that he can assuage her worry. When you’re so used to being the only person around for your kid to rely on, it’s hard to give up the reins, even a little bit. 

He still remembers the list Eddie had sent along with Christopher for sleepovers when he was younger for the parents, and his heart squeezes at the reminder. Eddie is going to be okay. He is, and Buck will keep reminding himself of that until the man wakes up and can tell him himself. 

By the time they land, it’s nearing dinner time, and none of the three them have really eaten since a late breakfast, so Buck calls a car to take them back to the Diaz house to put Alex’s bags away, and then they all three climb in the Jeep and Buck makes a stop at one of their favorite diners to grab them food, Chris advising Alex of his favorites in an effort to help her choose.

Pepa had texted him that she was at the hospital, so he goes there next, wanting to speak with Eddie’s doctor, and figuring that Alex would probably be more comfortable around a great-aunt she’s already met and spent time with than she would be with anyone from the 118, or even by herself. 

“You guys don’t have to see him. Honestly, you might not even be allowed to, depending on where he is, but I didn’t think to ask that when I talked to the nurse.”

“Can- If I want to, at some point, can we come back?” Alex asks hesitantly, and he looks up to meet her eyes in the rearview mirror. 

“Absolutely. If you guys want to come everyday, or if you don’t want to see him until he wakes up, it doesn’t matter to me. We can do whatever you guys want to do, alright?” 

They both nod, but Alex still looks conflicted. He can’t really imagine what she’s feeling at the moment, but he hopes he can help her, in any small way.

Chris will probably want to see Eddie. He remembers his best friend mentioning that Carla snuck the boy in to see him when he was in the ICU from the lightning, and he remembers how persistent he was to see Eddie after the shooting. He’s hoping he can hold him off for a little bit, at least until he can see how his partner looks, that way he can properly warn them both to brace themselves, if need be. 

Buck’s dealt with a lot of traffic accidents in his time as a firefighter, so he knows it’s not always pretty. Cuts and burns aren’t uncommon, and he knows Eddie’s going to be hooked up to all kinds of machines to monitor his vitals while he’s in the coma, and that can look scary sometimes, too. 

Thankfully, the ride to the hospital seems to pass quickly, so they’re all climbing out before they know it. Buck groans as he stretches, hearing something in his back crack. He’s spent so much of the day sitting in confined spaces, and he’s looking forward to stretching his legs out before he sleeps on the Diaz’s cramped couch tonight.

He leads the way to the room the nurse had given him, and finds a whole crowd gathered around outside. He doesn’t see Pepa, so he assumes she’s in with Eddie, but Bobby, Athena, Hen and Chimney are all huddled together in the hallway, missing their arrival as they chat and look through the glass to where he assumes Eddie is resting. 

“Hey, guys.” He greets, slightly confused. He hadn’t reached out to any of the others yet, too frazzled to do anything more than the absolute minimum. 

“Buck, hey buddy.” Chim greets when they all turn to him. Hen doesn’t even bother with words, just crosses the room and pulls him into a tight hug and pats his cheek before pulling away, her eyes falling on Alex. They dart to him consideringly, and then immediately go back to the girl. 

“Hi, Alex, right?” She asks, smiling when the teenager nods. “I’m Hen. This is Chimney, and Bobby.” She points to each man as she says their names, both who smile at the girl warmly. “I know we haven’t met yet, but you dad talks about you all the time.” 

“He does?” Alex still sounds small, and Buck hates that she’s feeling uneasy, even though he knows it’s normal for the situation. All he can do is try to make sure she’s as comfortable as possible while she’s here. 

“Yeah, of course. You and Chris, you’re his favorite subjects.” Bobby affirms gently, the side of him that always comes out when there’s scared kids around on full display. 

Pepa walks out of the room then, hurrying over to them and embracing her niece and nephew, and then working with the others to distract them while Buck goes in search of a doctor, catching a nurse as she walks past. 

She tells him that she’ll let Eddie’s doctor know he’s here, and Buck thanks her before she’s off again. 

Then, there’s no further excuse for him to put it off. The kids are being watched after and a doctor is going to meet him in the room. That means, he has to go inside the room. 

He chews on the inside of his cheek, fixing his gaze on the wall in front of him to try and steady himself. So much has happened since this morning, and he knows it’s going to hit him soon - Natalia, how scared Chris was, the fact that Alex is his responsibility for the week and the fact that Eddie is hurt again - but he’s hoping he can keep it together for a little while longer, and that means he needs to steel himself to witness the damage to his partner. 

After not nearly long enough, he nods his head to himself resolutely and determinedly walks into the room. 

It’s somehow worse than he was expecting. 

Eddie’s leg is elevated, much like his own was after the ladder truck explosion. It’s wrapped in thick bindings, as is his torso and his left arm, to hold everything together and set it to heal properly. He remembers the doctor mentioning head trauma, especially now that he can see the gauze that’s covering the majority of Eddie’s face, faint scratches and burns marring the rest. He remembers Chris' phase about mummies, how much he enjoyed learning about them, but seeing his dad looking like one might be something Buck needs to ease him into. 

Buck recognizes him, because he’s pretty sure he’d know Eddie deaf, blind and dumb, but the man laying prone in front of him looks so unlike his best friend that it’s more than a little unsettling. 

“Mr. Buckley?” A voice calls from behind him, drawing his attention away. It belongs to a woman in a long white coat, eyes calm, but warm. She introduces herself as the one in charge of Eddie, and she gives him a more-indepth rundown on the injuries, from all the broken bones, to the bloodloss, the spinal shock to the brain injury. She assures him that any palalyzation is probably attributed to the shock of the accident, and therefore should not be permanent, based on what the scans show. 

As for the brain injury, she can’t tell him for sure what those lingering effects will be. His brain had swollen due to the impact of his head against the dash that they had to cut open his skull to relieve the pressure, and they won’t take him off the sedation until that happens, and they won’t know anymore information until that happens. 

She’s confident it’s a “when he wakes up”, and not an “if”, so Buck does his best to hold onto that. It’s not a great report, but it could definitely be worse. 

He thanks her for taking care of him, and she gifts him a small smile before disappearing, encouraging him not to be afraid to ask questions, and then she’s gone, and he’s all alone in the room once again. 

He stares at Eddie as he sinks into one of the chairs beside him. Just for a second, He thinks. He just needs to sit here with Eddie for a second, to watch his chest rise and fall, to watch the beat of his heart on the machine in front of him, and then he can go back out into the room and face the rest of their family. 

His hand shakes in the quiet as he reaches for Eddie - he’s always reaching for Eddie, he thinks - landing lightly on his best friends right forearm. He wants to hold his hand. He wants to fold his fingers in between Eddie’s and draw them to his lips. He wants to kiss each knuckle and beg Eddie to come home, to fight. 

But he can’t. That’s not his place. 

Eddie’s not really his. Not in the way that he craves with an intensity that actually caves his chest sometimes. 

He’s the best friend, and that’s not nothing. Being Eddie’s best friend is one of his favorite things he’s ever been, and he’s more than happy to be that forever. He’s always wanted more than he can have, more than people are ready to give him, and he’s mostly accepted that by now. As long as Eddie’s okay and stays in his life, one way or another, he doesn’t care that he’ll never know what it’s like to kiss him. Eddie Diaz has always been and will always be enough for him, in whatever way he can have him. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, balancing on the edge of the chair with his hand barely touching his best friend - despite the fact that his right arm isn’t broken, there are still a multitude of what he assumes are scrapes from the shattered glass, which means his skin is covered by a lighter layer of gauze - but eventually, he accepts that he has to leave. 

There are two kids who need him for right now, and a whole bunch of other people who are patiently awaiting information that only he has. So, with a final lingering glance to Eddie’s sleeping face, he stands and slowly walks out of the room.

Chapter Text

“Can I drive?”

Alex’s question a few days later shouldn’t catch him by surprise, but it does. He knows she has her temporary license recently, and he also remembers that Eddie had mentioned wanting to give her some more time in the driver’s seat if she wanted, but for some reason, he feels guilty about it. 

Scratch that, he knows exactly why he feels guilty about it. 

He doesn’t want to take this experience away from Eddie, her dad, who was so looking forward to it. Not that Buck truly understands why, given the way that he’s always the one behind the wheel when the Diazes need to go somewhere and he’s around, but who knows. He thinks Eddie just wanted to be around, to take part in this milestone after having missed so many. 

Not that he’ll miss anymore, because Eddie will be okay. He reminds himself sternly. It’s only been two days, they haven’t even fully pulled his partner off the sedation yet, but he will be fine. All the reports from the medical professionals have been positive, and that’s what he’s focusing on. 

He mentally shakes those thoughts away, turning back into the conversation. As much as he hates to take something like this away from Eddie, he also understands the lure of driving, and the freedom that accompanies it. He vividly remembers getting his own license when he was 16, even though he had to borrow his parent’s cars when he wanted to go somewhere. It was still a way out, a way to be in control, even if it was in a small way, and that’s not even mentioning the freedom he had with Maddie’s Jeep and his cross-country jaunt. 

He waivers back and forth on the right thing to do, but eventually, he pulls off the road into a small strip mall and climbs out, waiving at Alex to change seats. He doesn’t want to throw her to the wolves that are downtown LA’s traffic patterns, but they’re far enough out of town - on their way back from a grocery run to get food that everyone likes for the week - that he thinks they should be fine. Plus, when so much of Alex’s life is out of control right now, he’s more than happy to give up a little of his own for a moment. 

She looks surprised that he agreed, but quickly scampers out of the passenger seat and runs around the front to the driver's seat, jumping in with the excitement that only a 15 and a half year old teenager can. 

“Okay, get comfortable, move the seat if you need to, there’s a few buttons on the side, it’ll move it forward and raise it, if needed.” He instructs once she settles, watching as she reaches down and slowly scoots forward to close the distance between her legs and the pedals. He makes a mental note to move it back before they go in for the evening, because if he doesn’t he knows damn well he’s going to forget about it and smash his legs on the dash when he goes to climb in the next time. 

Once she fiddles for a few seconds and finds a spot she likes, she looks back to him, and he tries to remember all the checkpoints and everything he needs to mention for a new driver. Man, he’d kill for a clipboard right now. “Good. Is the steering wheel in a good spot for you? There’s another lever on the left, behind the wheel, down towards the dash if you need to drop it closer to you.”

She puts her hands up on the wheel, face serious as she goes through the motions of driving and deems the placement acceptable. 

“Great. Next up, mirrors. On your door over there, there’s a switch you can flip for each side, and then controls to get them in the right place. Do you know what you’re looking for in them?”

She nods confidently and then messes with the mirrors, head swiveling to make sure they’re in the right spot. Then, she reaches up and adjusts his rearview mirror as well. 

Finally, everything is adjusted to her needs. “Perfect. Now, I want you to drive around the parking lot here a couple of times. Every vehicle is different, from how hard they break, how much pressure you have to exert on the gas, and even how sensitive the steering wheel is. It’s okay to take a second and get comfortable in that seat before you take it out on the road, okay? We’ve got time.” 

She nods, hands braced perfectly on the wheel as she takes a deep breath and turns the Jeep on and shifts it into drive. 

They spent the afternoon at the fair in town, so it’s well into evening now, which means they don’t have to worry about a ton of cars out in the lot, and he’s hoping she won’t encounter anybody else driving insane or cutting her off and scaring her. He’d hate for her first driving experience here to be a bad one. 

After a few jumpy starts, sudden stops and sharp turns - all of which she throws him a guilty look after, like she’s afraid he’s going to yell at her. He assures her with a smile every time, assuring her that it’s absolutely fine, and that’s the entire reason he encouraged her to take a beat before jumping back onto the streets - he sees as she grows more confident. Each motion is smoother and more sure, and he can tell by the smile in her eyes that she knows it. 

After she finishes her next lap, he turns to her once she reaches the stop sign. “Think you’re ready to get us home?” They’re only a few miles away from the Diaz house, 15 minutes at the most, but he’s more than happy to sit in the passenger seat and ride along in circles if she needs some more time. He’s unashamed to say that he snapped a few pictures and maybe one video to send it off to her mom, and show Eddie later, if he wants to see them. 

“Yeah, I think so.” She answers timidly. He smiles and holds his hands out towards the front. 

“Let’s go then.” 

Chris stays quiet in the backseat while he navigates her back to the house, given that her knowledge of the area is practically none, but once they pull into the drive and she parks carefully beside Eddie’s truck, he finally pops up. “Not bad.”

Her eyes glitter as she turns around in her seat to face him. “Yeah?”

Chris’ smile is quirked as he answers. “Probably better than Dad could’ve done it.” He tells her, and Buck cackles. 

“I’m telling him you said that.” He says through his laughter, which was probably Christopher’s point. He’s unafraid to rag on his dad, and on Buck, for their shortcomings. His burn about his own lack of couch a few months prior pops in his mind. 

They had all found the comment humorous, but then the reminder sinks in that Buck will have to wait to tell Eddie that his son was roasting him until he wakes up, and the amusement dies off a little bit, their laughter trailing off softly until only a heavy silence is left. 

Buck thinks he might drown beneath it’s weight if he doesn’t break it, so he climbs out of his own passenger seat - an odd feeling if there ever was one - and starts unloading their haul from the fair, the other two following his lead. 

When they start walking up to the house, he makes a point to lightly bump Alex’s shoulder to get her attention. “Hey, you did really well with that.” He praises once she looks up at him, watching as she soaks in the praise like she’s parched for it, and he knows the feeling. You can never be told too much that you’re doing well and that people are proud of you, especially at that age. “You’re going to ace that exam, no problem.” 

She grins, pleased, and then bumps his shoulder back. “Thanks for letting me drive.” 

“Anytime. Hey, maybe you can take over the position as driver in the family. I have to admit, I do have a very comfortable passenger seat that I’ve been missing out on.” He jokes, hiding his smile as she perks up at the thought.

He sends them to shower off the sweat and dirt of the day while he prepares a light dinner. They ate at the fair, but that food notoriously lacks nutrients. Plus, it’s been a couple hours, and he knows he’s hungry, so he figures it can’t hurt. 

He has his one shift in the morning, so they don’t stay up late, squabbling over movie picks until they find one that they can all agree on, letting it play as they finish their food and nod off a little bit, all their energy drained from the packed day they’d had. 

Buck smiles to himself as he gently wakes them both and sends them to bed, reveling in the hugs he gets before they stumble down the hall and to their respective rooms. 

—

He’s cleaning the ladder truck the next day after getting back from a call and chatting with Chim when a woman walks in through the open bay doors. 

It takes him a second to recognize her, given how he hasn’t seen her since that day they showed up to help patch the hole in her ceiling, but when he does, his heart drops into his stomach. 

Shit. 

“Can I help you?” Bobby is the one to greet her, no sign of recognition on his face. 

Marisol smiles awkwardly, twisting her hands together. “Uhm, yeah, I hope so. I’m- My name is Marisol? I’m looking for Eddie. He hasn’t answered my calls or texts in a couple days, and I hope that I’m just overthinking and he’s just busy, but I-” Her sentence trails off at the look on Bobby’s face. 

None of them thought to get in touch with Marisol. 

Which, he doesn’t know that it’s entirely their fault. Eddie doesn’t talk about her much, and even if they did remember to contact her, they had no way of doing so. None of them have met her as Eddie’s girlfriend, they definitely haven’t swapped numbers with her. Eddie’s phone was ruined in the crash, and despite the fact that they’ve been to her house, it was also several months ago now, and Buck knows he definitely doesn’t remember her address. 

“Yes, of course.” Bobby finally answers after a hush has fallen over the entire station. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but Eddie was in an accident a few days ago. He survived, but he’s in a medically induced coma at the hospital.” His voice is gentle, but Buck can still see how hard the words his Marisol, the way her arm curls around her torso, the other lifting to cover her mouth as she rapidly blinks suddenly glassy eyes. 

“If you would like to give me your number, I can send you a message with his room number - if you’d like to go see him - and any other updates as I get them.” Bobby offers, and Buck watches as Marisol visibly takes a deep breath and tries to ground herself. 

“Yes, that- I would appreciate that.” She reaches into the purse on her shoulder and digs her phone out, wiping away a tear that’s slipped down her cheek with a shaky hand as she and Bobby exchange information. After double checking that everything is correct, she slides the device back into her purse. “Uhm, Christopher. Eddie’s son.” She suddenly remembers, misty eyes widening in concern. 

Buck finally steps forward, wringing the towel in his hands. “Chris is fine. He was still at home when Eddie was in the accident. I’ve been staying with him and Alex. I’m, uh- I’m Buck, by the way.” He introduces himself clumsily, thrusting a hand out towards her, which she shakes.

“Alex is down here? I mean, I knew Eddie had mentioned she was going to be, but I would have thought, with his accident-” She trails off, and Buck shrugs self-consciously.

“Yeah, well, Eddie’s accident was the day he was supposed to be leaving to get Alex, so there wasn’t really any time to find someone else to watch her. I met them when they were in town a few weeks ago, and I guess I was a good enough option in place of leaving her home alone for a week.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly, unsure of how to act around this woman. 

Her eyes are wide as they stare at him, something in their depths that make him feel like he’s being picked apart carefully, but soon enough, the bell rings, alerting them to an emergency that needs their attention. It snaps Marisol out of her stupor, her entire body jerking at the wailing sound. 

She nods then, lips pulled tight as she grimaces at him, although he thinks maybe it’s supposed to be a smile, and then waves before moving out of the way. 

He doesn’t waste anymore time, sprinting to grab his gear and loading into the engine that takes off the second his ass is in the seat. 

The conversation with Marisol has him feeling incredibly unsettled, but he doesn’t know why. There’s no way she was able to discern in mere moments that he’s in love with her boyfriend, he knows this logically. Being faced with her was a reminder, though, and one that he desperately needed. 

Eddie wasn’t his, not like that. It was easy enough to forget about his partner’s girlfriend when she wasn’t around, and Eddie didn’t really talk about her, but Buck’s pretty sure that’s about to change. 

He remembers when Eddie was dating Ana, and the way their relationship changed after he got shot. He’d only heard about her a few times, even after Eddie introduced Chris to her as his girlfriend. Then, they ran into her at the hospital, and suddenly, she was there all the time. She was stopping by the house during his recovery, for PT, watching Chris while Eddie was stuck at work, suddenly and steadily working her way into the Diaz family. 

Of course, Buck didn’t know about the panic attacks until they ran into the cardiologist during the blackout and he practically bullied Eddie into telling him what was going on, which lead to him learning that his friend wasn’t as in that relationship as he had seemed, but that’s beside the point. 

Life-threatening injuries have a way of bringing people closer together, make them realize the things they don’t want to lose. 

He should know, given that he figured out he was in love with Eddie while he was face down on a street under sniper-fire, watching the man bleed out a few feet away from him. 

Anyway, back to his original point: Seeing Marisol was a kick in the teeth, as well as a well-needed reminder to keep his feelings in check. Eddie had mentioned maybe introducing her to Chris as his new girlfriend, even if he made it sound like it was more for convenience thing than anything else. They’d still been dating for several months, and they’re adults, too old to be wasting time if they really want to be together. Chris would probably be more receptive to it now, having aged a few years and already been through his dad’s first relationship after his mom. Plus, he’s one of the best kids that Buck has ever known, and he wants his dad to be happy. 

The truck stopping draws him out of his maudlin thoughts, and he puts them out of his mind, pushing his emotions away to focus on the people in front of him who need their help. Whatever happens, he knows he can always do this. 

—

The next morning, he’s helping Chris and Alex get everything ready for a beach day - he’s already agreed to let Alex drive home later - when there’s a knock on the door. 

He checks his phone on the way to the front door, its messages empty of anybody texting to give him a heads up that they’re on the way. 

He opens the door and freezes, head tilted to the side at the couple standing in front of him. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Diaz.” He blinks, brain stalled out at exactly what to do with the people in front of him. He’s only met them once - at Eddie’s shield ceremony, where he was hazy under the influence of painkillers - and he doesn’t think they spoke more than two words to each other. 

“Yes, that’s us. Who are you?” Mrs. Diaz - Helena, he recalls - asks, and it’s only after a throat is cleared behind them that he realizes Marisol is there too, looking guilty and trapped. 

“Uhm, I- I’m Buck. Eddie’s best friend.”

“Oh, Buck. We’ve heard about you, from both Eddie and Chris. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Eddie’s dad - Ramon - says, holding his hand out for Buck to shake. 

Buck does, a little woodenly, still trying to figure out what they’re doing here. “Uhm yes- yes sir, it’s good to meet you, too. What, uh- can I do something for you guys?”

“Can we come in?” Helena asks pointedly, as if she can’t understand why he hasn’t let them in already, and he scrambles to get out of the way, waving them in. 

All three of them filter in past him, and Marisol is the only one who looks like she feels out of place. 

“Where’s Christopher?” Helena asks, her eyes scanning the area as if she’d missed him on her initial examination. 

“Uh, he’s in his room, I think. We’re getting ready to go to the beach for the morning.” He answers dutifully. 

“Why is he home instead of at school?” She questions. Ramon puts a hand on her shoulder, as if to calm her, but still looks interested in the answer. 

 Before he can offer anything up, the boy in question comes down the hall. “Buck! I can’t find my hat! Do you know where it is?”

“Use your inside voice, Christopher.” Helena scolds, drawing the boy to a stop once he reaches the end of the hall and registers the voice. 

While they greet him, Marisol makes her way to his side. “I’m so sorry. I ran into them at the hospital earlier, and they basically drug me along once I told them who I was to Eddie. They wouldn’t listen to me when I said that I hadn’t even met Chris yet.” She whispers quickly under her breath. 

He sighs to himself, resisting the urge to massage the bridge of his nose to get rid of the incoming headache. He knows all about pushy parents, and the havoc they can cause and their tendency to do whatever they want and fuck anybody else. 

Well, maybe he’s projecting a little bit, still bitter about his own parents and their penchant for thinking about themselves first, regardless of the consequences for others around them. Eddie seems to be making strides in his relationship with them. Or, with his dad, at least. He hasn’t heard much about his bond with his mom, but he can’t claim to know much about how those relationships differ for his friend. 

“Your hat is in this closet, bud.” Buck calls eventually, moving to get the sunhat the boy has specifically for beach days to protect his fair skin from the sun. He rummages through the top shelf of the hall close, remembering that he’d seen in the last time he was in it, deciding not to deal with Marisol’s hissed confession at the moment.

“Thanks, Buck.” He hears, and smiles despite himself, walking into the kitchen where all their bags are piled at the moment. 

“So, Christopher, what do you think about coming to stay with us for a while?”

The question from Helena’s mouth freezes Buck in place. Why would Chris go with them? He wracks his brain but can’t remember Eddie saying anything about him visiting them for the summer, and he also can’t imagine it would have slipped his mind when planning Alex’s visit. 

“Well, with your dad hurt, someone needs to watch over you, and we live in Texas. Pepa’s busy with work, and Abuela lives in Texas by us.” She continues, completely ignoring the wide-eyed looks she’s drawing from all the adults in the room. 

Christopher just looks confused. “That’s why Buck’s here.” He answers simply, brows furrowed as he looks up to his grandma.

“Yeah, and he’s been very nice to do that for your dad, but Buck has his own life to live, things he likes to do. It’s not up to him to take care of you, you’re not his responsibility.”

“Oh, it’s not a problem, Mrs. Diaz. There’s nothing more important to me than hanging out with my favorite Diaz.” He quickly interjects with a wink to the boy, hating the way Chris’ shoulders curl in at Helena’s words, like he believes he’s burdening Buck, and he can’t have that. He vowed that he would never let Christopher believe he’s a burden, or that Buck doesn’t want to be around him. He knows what that feels like, and after he realized how much Eddie and Chris both leaned on him after the lawsuit, he swore he’d never make them miss him again. 

“That’s very kind of you, Buck, but I’m sure you never planned to be the one taking care of Chris. You’ve been selfless so far, but his family is here now.” Helena says with a saccharine sweet tone. 

“Actually, I’ve always been the one taking care of Chris. When Eddie was shot a few years ago, I was the one that stayed with him, and it’s no trouble. There’s nowhere else I would rather be than wherever Chris and Eddie need me.”

Helena opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted when Alex comes bopping into the room, clearly having missed the arrival of the newcomers and the on-going… discussion, given the headphones residing over her ears and the way her eyes are on her phone, thumbs flying over the screen. 

He hears someone make a choked noise, but the girl doesn’t hear it. It’s only after she looks up, mouth open to say something, that she clocks the way the house is suddenly much fuller. She halts in place, fingers freezing until she lifts one hand to pull her chunky headphones off. “Uhm… Hi? Who are you people?” She asks, eyes scanning the three new people before walking closer to Buck, standing beside Chris on his side. 

Helena and Ramon’s eyes are wide with disbelief, staring at Alex as if she’s the next coming of Jesus. Buck makes the introductions when it seems they’re unable to. “Alex, this is Ramon and Helena, Eddie’s parents. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, this is Alex.”

Her eyes widen slightly, but nods shyly. “Hi.”

Ramon seems to find his voice first, tearing his eyes away from the girl for only a second to look at Buck, before they bounce back to her. “She- sorry. Alex. You just look a lot like our daughter, Adriana. It’s a bit eerie.” He explains wryly. “Are you one of Chris’ friends?”

Her lips turn down as she glances up to Buck, who feels as confused as she looks. Maybe they merely don’t recognize their granddaughter in person? He knows that people look different in pictures sometimes, so maybe that’s it? 

“Uhm, no? No, I’m his sister.” She says with a nervous chuckle. “Eddie said the same thing before. Said he knew I was his because I look surprisingly like his sister.” She shares with a wry smile, before turning her attention to Marisol, who looks nervous. “So, you must be… Sophia? That’s his other sister’s name, right?” She looks at Buck to check, and he chokes a little bit. 

“Oh. No, uhm. I’m Marisol.” She says with a smile, continuing when Alex continues to stare at her with a confused expression. “Uhm, I’m your dad’s girlfriend.”

Alex’s face drops, her polite smile falling and twisting into something shocked and disgusted. “What?” Her voice is flat, and she takes a step closer to Buck.

Marisol, obviously shocked by the change in demeanor, blinks rapidly, smile shrinking. “Uhm, yes? We’ve been dating for a while now. Although, this is my first time meeting everyone.”

“And you’re proud of that?” Alex demands, her voice sharp as she takes a step towards Marisol’s rapidly concerned face, while the Diazes simply watch everything go down like spectators at a tennis match, apparently still wrapping their head around meeting their newest grandchild. “You come into this house, full of love and joy and built on family, and you’re proud to be a homewrecker?” She challenges, looking at her like she’s a mere bug beneath one of her chunky boots. 

Buck’s so confused by her behavior that it takes a second for her words to register. “Wait, homewrecker? Alex, what- what are you talking about?” 

She turns to him, lips pressed together in fury. “I cannot believe my father. He has you! He has you here and he goes out and meets some random woman, and then parades her around here like this is- is some show?!” She sounds outraged, alternating between glaring at Marisol and looking beseechingly up at Buck. “You deserve better than that, Buck, and when Eddie wakes up, I’m going to - Well, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m- I can’t believe he would do this. What an asshole! He’s- he-!” 

Buck has very rarely seen someone get so angry that they can’t even speak, but he still doesn’t understand why she’s so upset. “Alex, Eddie and I aren’t dating. We’re just best friends and co-workers.” He says, trying to calm her down. Boiling his relationship with Eddie down to its barest of bones feels wrong, but at the end of the day, that’s what they are. 

She stops in the pacing she’d started, turning to stare at him with wide, shocked eyes, before looking to Chris, who gives a long-suffering sigh and nods in the affirmative. “ What?!” 

The pitch of her screech nearly shatters the windows, everyone in the kitchen flinching at the volume. “Eddie and I have never dated. He’s straight, Alex. We’re not dating.”

“You- you!” She stutters again, growling through her teeth, hands digging in her hair incredulously. “I’ve literally never heard of a Marisol, from anyone. He talks about you and Chris all the time. He talks all the time about the different things the three of you do together, how you sleep over all the time and keep him up with random research spirals, how you take care of him and Christopher, how you cook their meals and how you’re his partner! He says “partner” all the time! You stole a firetruck so that he could get to my debate on time!” She rants, listing out all the reasons she believes they’re a couple. “I thought you guys were married until you mentioned that you had your own apartment, and then I just assumed you hadn’t tied the knot yet!”

Buck does his best not to blush. He understands the confusion, especially if Eddie never mentioned his girlfriend, but she’s listing all of the things that he does because he’s in love with Eddie. He knows he looks at Eddie with hearts in his eyes, he’s seen them in pictures that the others have taken and sent to him in teasing. He gladly gives up all of his free time to spend it with the Diazes, bugging Eddie even when Chris is off doing his own thing with his friends. He really cannot afford to let his feelings show when he’s trying to calm the situation, though, which means he can’t react in any way that would give him away. 

“We’re partners at work, Alex. We have been for 7 years, so we’re really close. That’s all it is, okay?” She doesn’t seem to believe him, staring at him with nostrils flared, but she nods once, sharply. “Okay. Now, you were really mean to Marisol based off of an assumption.” He points out, and she huffs a breath through her nose before turning to look at Marisol, jaw clenched. 

“I’m sorry I called you a homewrecker. I know better than to make assumptions without checking my facts, and I apologize for my behavior.” She says stiffly, and Marisol smiles uncomfortably in response. 

“I appreciate your apology, and I forgive you. I can understand how confusing it must have been.” 

Helena and Ramon still look shell-shocked, but Ramon eventually shakes it off, though there’s a frown between his eyebrows that Buck notes. “Well. That was… interesting.” He observes with an animated smile that even Buck can tell is fake. He thinks it was probably an attempt to break the tension, but between Chris’ - and Buck’s confusion - about them mentioning taking the boy to Texas, and the confrontation between Alex and Marisol, he’s pretty sure it’d take a wrecking ball to level the stiffness in the air. 

Since he doesn’t have one of those handy, he clears his throat and tries to get the conversation back on track. “Anyway, you’ll have to forgive me, I wasn’t aware that Chris was scheduled to spend time down in Texas. Eddie has been planning on having Alex out here for several weeks now, and he never mentioned anything about it. The kids were really looking forward to spending the week together while Alex’s mom is busy though, so once Eddie wakes up, maybe you guys can get together to plan a better time.” He offers with a gritty smile. He’s 99% sure that’s not why they’re here, but he’s not about to make any accusations. Plus, he’s hoping that they can get through this without a real argument, and that involves giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.

“Oh, there wasn’t anything scheduled.” Helena says through frozen lips. “We heard that Eddie was hurt, and knew that somebody needed to watch our grandson, so we made sure we could be here.”

“Well, that’s very thoughtful of you, Mrs. Diaz. Luckily, that’s already been taken care of.” He very deliberately doesn’t point out that it’s been days since Eddie’s accident. Did she think Chris had been left on his own for that whole time? That they’d all let the poor kid be at home alone for days on end? He genuinely has no clue. 

“And we really appreciate you doing so, but we’re here now, Buck.” Ramon intones, a pointed look in his eyes that makes Buck feel like he’s back in the principal's office at school, and one that he definitely does not enjoy. “He should be with us. In case the worst happens.” 

Buck barely contains his sharp exhale of surprise at the casual mention of their son dying, and he rushes to correct them, when Chris and Alex’s head both whip towards him. “Eddie is fine. The swelling in his brain is going down, and they’ve already started weaning him off the sedatives. They’re confident that he’s going to wake up soon.” He explains, looking at the kids before sending a glare to Ramon. “Besides, even if anything did happen to Eddie, Chris wouldn’t be going to Texas anyway, so I’m still not exactly sure why you guys are here.” 

Helena’s eyes narrow on him. “What do you mean? Where else would Christopher be going?”

Buck pauses and studies her for a second, unable to tell if she’s being purposefully dense, or if she actually doesn’t know. “Uhm… Well, Christopher would stay with me, according to Eddie’s will. Did you not know that?” He asks genuinely, unable to believe that Eddie would keep that from them after all this time, but not knowing why else they would be so puzzled. 

“No. No, we did not know that.” Ramon says, staring at the wall behind him with a heavy, thoughtful gaze. 

“No, that’s not true. Eddie wouldn’t do that and not tell us about it.” Helena argues over her husband’s remark. 

“Wait, Eddie did what?” Marisol squeaks, eyes wide in shock, and Buck… 

Suddenly, Buck is putting together a picture of what he thinks is happening, and he’s going to absolutely murder his best friend when he finally wakes up.

“Well, he did. I’ve been in Eddie’s will for like, 4 years. Also, I’m assuming that Eddie never mentioned anything to you about Alex either, did he?” 

Ramon shakes his head, lips pursed as if he’s trying to hide his reaction. Helena opens her mouth to respond, but her husband simply grabs her elbow gently. “Buck mentioned that he was taking the kids to the beach, mi amor. Christopher is obviously being taken care of, and I think we’re disrupting their day. Maybe we can get with Pepa and plan a dinner later this week, for everyone? Have a chance to see our grandson and get to know our granddaughter?” He looks to Buck during the last sentence, the question obviously directed at him, and he nods stiffly. 

“Ramon! What? No, we can’t just-”

“Our son didn’t see fit to tell us that he changed his will, or that he found out he had a daughter, Helena.” Ramon interrupts his wife’s hissed statement with one of his own. “It’s very obvious that there are things going on here that we don’t know about, and I think we need to ask ourselves why our boy felt he had to hide those things from us.” Buck’s respect for the man grudgingly goes up a point for the self-reflection instead of immediate bulldozing over Eddie’s wishes, like he thinks Helena was about to do. Eddie’s mother is still trying to argue, but Ramon is gently manhandling her out of the house, nodding to Buck on the way out. 

The door closes behind them, and then Marisol is the only one left, studying him like she’s finally put together all of the puzzle pieces and is staring at the full image for the first time, the look of an epiphany in her wide eyes is making his skin crawl. 

“Buck, can we go?” Alex’s voice surly voice breaks the moment, and Marisol flushes guiltily and clears her throat. 

“Yeah, I- I should get out of your way, too. Have a- a good day at the beach.” She stutters before hastily exiting the house as well, leaving an odd silence in her wake. 

Buck shakes it off and pastes on his best smile before looking down to the kids staring up at him. “Yes, yeah, let’s- grab the bags, and let’s get the heck out of here.” He enthuses, all too ready to put the bizarre confrontations behind him. 

They all load up on bags stuffed with beach necessities, and then they’re off, doing their best to enjoy the day out, despite the awkward beginning.

Chapter Text

Eddie startles awake out of nowhere, the room pitch black around him. He can’t tell what wakes him, so he takes quick note of the things around him to see if he can figure it out. 

He’s at home. He’s in Texas, not in Afghanistan or at a hospital in Germany. A tiny, near silent part of him questions that, home not sitting quite right in the marrow of his bones, but he can’t imagine where else hone would be. He’s still adjusting to being back, that’s all. 

A creak on the floor snaps his attention back to the present when Shannon enters the room, dressed in a pair of loose jeans and a old t-shirt, a white note in her hand, and her hair pulled back, leaving only her bangs free from the ponytail. 

“Shan?” He whispers quietly into the darkness, watching in confusion as her head snaps to him in shock, quickly chased by a guilty look that flashes across her face. 

“Why- why are you dressed?” He asks, a growing sense of discomfort growing deep in his gut as she doesn’t answer. 

He sits up in bed, their earlier fight about her sick mother in California echoing loudly in his mind. “Shannon, what’s going on?” 

She studies him for a minute, teeth digging into her bottom lip heavily enough that all the blood drains from it, leaving it pale. It’s only a few seconds before her eyes fill with tears, her mask falling to reveal the brokenness beneath. “I have to go, Eddie. My mom needs me, there’s nobody else to take care of her! I know you don’t want to go yet, but I can’t just leave her out there alone! I can’t. If you- you can’t come with me, and I have to accept that, but it doesn’t change the fact that she needs help and I’m the only one who can do it.” She’s whispering forcefully, her hazel eyes huge and pleading with Eddie to understand, even if she’s saying she knows he won’t. 

“Wait so you- you were just going to leave? Sneak away in the middle of the night while I was sleeping?” He questions, struggling to keep his voice down to avoid disturbing their son, who’s dreaming peacefully down the hall. 

“I have to! You can’t come with me, Eddie, you said that and it’s fine. I have to accept that, but you and Chris have each other and your parents and we’ve gone through this over and over again, but she has no one! I can’t keep having the same fight with you every single day, and I know that’s what would happen unless I did it this way. If you can’t come with me, I have to go by myself.” She states, angrily wiping away the tears that have started rolling down her face. “I need you to be my partner, to have my back. I don’t want to leave you and Chris here, but I have to go.” 

She’s staring at him, fervently searching his gaze. His first reaction is quick, hot anger; they have had this talk a dozen times, about how he needs time to recuperate and heal and settle back into civilian life, and how unfair it feels of her to ask this of him, but something makes him stop. 

A strange sense of deja-vu settles deep in his gut, somehow innately knowing that if he lets her leave right now, lets her walk out that door without him and Christopher, it’s only going to make the situation worse. It’s going to be something that they might not be able to come back from. 

He trusts that instinct, sliding out from the bed and crossing the room to stand in front of her. He takes her face between his hands and tilts it up enough for their eyes to meet. “Okay. Okay, we’ll- we’ll go.” She doesn’t look convinced, so he continues. “I promise, Shannon. We’ll- you know my abuela and Pepa are out in that area; I’ll call them in the morning, see if they can help find us a place. We can start packing everything up tomorrow and contact a realtor about selling this house. We can stay with one of them or-or get a hotel until we find a place out there. Just- please just don’t go without us. We’ll go with you, take care of everything together. You and me, right? I’ve got your back.” He swears, and his wife - the mother of his child that started out as his very best friend who has been with him through some of the scariest shit life has to offer - collapses into his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist and clinging as she sobs out everything she’d been pushing down since he came home, broken and busted. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, I promise. We’ll figure it out. Let’s go back to bed, and we can start it all tomorrow. Come back to bed.” He murmurs into her hair, exhaling in relief when she nods, letting go of him just long enough to strip out of the clothes she’d put on in preparation to leave and climbing beneath the covers again. 

For one of the first times he can remember since coming home, he reaches out and pulls her in close, settling at the way she curls into him after only a slight hesitation. His head is yelling that something isn’t right, but his wife is here, and his family is whole; what could possibly be wrong?

–

Moving to California isn’t easy, but they make it work. They pack up their house and rent a moving truck to stuff with everything they’ve accumulated in their married life. He tries to make his parents understand why they have to do this, but he isn’t surprised when they don’t get it. He’s a little more surprised when they try to talk him into signing custody of Christopher over to them, but maybe he shouldn’t have been. They’ve never believed that he or Shannon were capable of parenting Chris to their standards, not that they had any interest in hearing the ways their standards were about as hypocritical as a person could get. 

It all works out well enough though, and it feels like he blinks, and he’s sitting in their new home. Christopher is enjoying California; days out at the beach and getting to spend time with his extended family - who absolutely dote on him, given how they hadn’t seen him practically since he was born. 

His abuela kisses his cheek and crosses him every time he picks Chris up to take him home, and despite the fact that Eddie’s lost his own faith, it still makes him feel warm inside. 

Shannon is working part-time and taking care of her mom, and money is tight because he hasn’t found a new job yet, but they’re figuring it out. He has money from the VA for the house and savings from his time in the service, so it’ll be fine. 

The void in his chest that’s telling him something isn’t right, that he’s missing something, is still present, but he can’t figure out what’s wrong, so he presses on and does his best to ignore it. 

They’re all together now. Everything is as it’s supposed to be. 

–

He huffs as he storms out the back door, doing his best not to slam it because he doesn’t want to scare Chris. 

He’d found a new job, something to do with his medical training and the remnants of the hell that was war: firefighting. 

He felt it calling to him, pulling at his middle like a rope, impossible to ignore. It was the same feeling that pushed him to come with Shannon to LA, and that’s paid off - more or less - right? 

He thought his wife would be happy about it; happy to have a full paycheck again in the house instead of his minimum wage job and her part-time check, but instead of being relieved, she’d gotten mad. 

He was putting himself in danger again, making choices about their lives without talking to her about it. He didn’t know he should have asked her opinion on it. It was his calling; what he was made to do. He didn’t complain when she gave him an ultimatum to either move to California with her or be left behind, did he? 

No, he didn’t. He stepped up, did what he needed to do to keep his family together, the way he’s been trying to since the moment they learned about Christopher. He’s still providing for them, but at least he’s home now. Sure, firefighters have weird hours, but it’s nothing like the military. He’s in the same city, home for days, even if his workdays are 24-hour shifts. 

He’s trying to do better, to be better. Why can’t she see that? 

It’ll be fine. He assures himself, forcing a few deep breaths through his lungs. It’s new, and change is hard, that’s all. She’s stressed with trying to find a decent home nurse for her mom and dealing with the emotional toll of her plateaued health. He just has to support her through this difficult time, and they’ll get back to an even keel. 

You haven’t spent enough time together since you got married to ever find even footing . A voice inside his head whispers, but he shakes it off, rubbing at the now-familiar ache in his chest. 

He was away for a while, but he’s home now. They both are. They can find it. They can learn, can be better . They have to be. They’re here, together. 

–

He blinks again and he’s in the engine of the 118, staring at a text on his phone from Shannon after half a dozen missed phone calls. 

Something happened with mom. Your grandmother and aunt are busy, I’m dropping Chris off at the firehouse. 

He bites back a curse, grinding his teeth together and trying not to get too upset. It’s not her fault. They haven’t quite figured out childcare yet, still relying mostly on his extended family, so it’s not anybody’s fault; it’s just a difficult situation, that’s all. 

He’s not mad that he’s going to see his son sooner than expected; he’d never be upset about that. 

Unfortunately, the rest of the crew doesn’t really know about Christopher or Shannon yet. He’s been playing everything close to the vest, unable to understand why he feels so twisted up inside telling the team about them. 

They have kids; Hen and Karen have a son around Chris’ age, and Bobby’s got a stepson around there too, but he still gets knots in his stomach when he goes to share anything about them. 

Maybe it’s because Chris has CP, or because Shannon’s mom is sick. He doesn’t want their pity. That’s all. 

To make it even worse, the only person at the station in Buck. 

Now listen, don’t get him wrong, Buck is great. He’s bright and happy and eager to please. Unfortunately, that eagerness has gotten him on trouble a couple times. That’s why he was the Man Behind on this latest call; it was a punishment of sorts, Bobby trying to force him to consider the consequences of his actions. He’s still in his probationary year, but Bobby seems convinced that he only needs a little bit of guiding to set him on the right path. 

He’s not a bad guy, not at all. Maybe just not the best one to be left alone with his son, that’s it. 

He leaps from the engine the second they pull into the station, not even waiting for it to stop before he’s out and hurrying up the stairs two at a time, eagerly searching out for his son. 

“... and did you know that dogs dream like we do?” He hears Buck say, his tone excited and gleeful. 

“Wait, really?” His son sounds awestruck, wholly impressed. 

He finds them on the couch, a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich and a juice box on the table in front of where the two of them are sitting on the couch. 

“Yeah! They’ll dream about their owners and chasing squirrels. They can even have bad dreams like we can. Isn’t that cool?”

“That’s so cool!” Chris enthuses, the same tone in his voice that Eddie knows means he’s about to ask a million more questions, but before he can, Buck catches sight of Eddie by the stairs and jumps up guiltily, like he’d done something wrong. 

“Eddie! You’re uhm- your wife dropped Chris off, and I didn’t know how long you guys would be gone, and he was hungry, so I made him a grilled cheese. I didn’t know if he had any allergies, so I didn’t want to get him anything too crazy, but-”

Eddie feels the tension that’s been steadily creeping up his spine and bunching his shoulders on the way back to the station disappear completely. 

Of course, Buck would take care of Christopher. He knew better than to second-guess him, Chris would always be safe with him. 

He doesn’t know why he thinks that; no, how he knows that, in the same way that he knows the sound of Chris’ laugh. It’s a fact of life; a truth of the universe. 

“Buck. It’s okay.” He assures with a smile. “Thank you.” 

“Dad! Did- did you know that dogs dream like we do!?” Christopher shares, parroting back the fact that he’d just learned, eyes wide behind his glasses, and Eddie can’t help but laugh as he stretches forward and snatches his son up, setting him on his hip. 

“No way! That’s so cool, Superman! It looks like Buck looked after you pretty well while I had to work, huh?” 

“Yeah. Buck’s cool. We talked about all the animals. Can we go to the zoo? Please, please, please?” 

Eddie’s eyes drift to Buck for an explanation, who flushes and scratches the back of his neck with his hand. “Uhm, the LA zoo just had a baby hippo for the first time in like, 2 decades. It’s a pretty big deal in the zoo world, and I just read a bunch of articles around it, so when he asked about fun facts, I had them ready to go. Sorry.” He looks sheepish, with his blue eyes glittering up at Eddie through his lashes, and Eddie isn’t ready to look at why that makes his stomach flip. 

“Buck. It’s okay, man.” He promises, insides warming at the gentle smile it gets him in response. “Well, we’ll have to talk to Momma about the zoo, but maybe this weekend. Have you thanked Buck for taking such good care of you?” He prompts his son, who turns to face Buck with a bright smile.

Eddie watches in real time as the sunny smile brings one of equal brightness to Buck’s face. “Thank you, Buck! I like your grilled cheese! Dad always burns it when he makes it, even though he tries to hide it.” 

Buck bursts out in laughter as Eddie makes a faux-offended noise in his throat, reveling in his son’s giggles. 

“Woah, who’s this handsome fella? I didn’t know the chief was sending reinforcements!” Bobby says jovially as he crests the staircase and makes his way over to them. 

All the warm and fuzzy feelings he’d been feeling from his interactions with Buck and Chris are replaced with fierce and cold worry. He’s only barely out of his probationary period, and he still has a few hours left in his shift. Bobby is a very understanding boss, but expecting him to let his son hang out when he’s supposed to be working? That might be asking for too much. 

“Bobby, I’m so sorry. I just- something happened with my wife’s mom, and everyone is busy and she didn’t have anywhere else to bring him, but I-”

“Yeah, she did. Right here. Buck gave me a heads up, I already called the chief and got you cleared. He can hang out here until shift is over. We take care of our own here, Eddie.” He promises kindly, more acceptance in his eyes than Eddie can remember ever seeing in his own father’s. 

His gaze flies to Buck, who smiles and nods at him in solidarity. 

Everyone knows about Chris and Shannon now, and Bobby and Buck are both cool about it. 

Their circle of support has grown, and this can only be good. He ignores the sense that he’s heard those words and been in this situation before. 

–

He blinks again, and he’s back at home, sitting through a tense dinner with Shannon and Buck. She’d wanted to meet Buck, a note in her voice that set him on edge when she suggested it.  

Although, he could have imagined it. He should be happy, he knows. His two worlds are combining; this should be good, right? His wife and his best friend, two of the people he loves most finally meeting and spending time together. There should definitely not be a boulder of anxiety and discomfort in his stomach and saliva in his throat like he’s going to be sick.

Shannon had been spending days and nights at her mom’s house to help her, so Buck’s been hanging out with him and Chris a lot recently - zoo trips and cooking dinners that Bobby taught him because Eddie hasn’t improved that much in the cooking department. 

It’s been nice. It feels right, and he feels so incredibly guilty about it. Buck always leaves when Shannon’s coming home, and he finds himself wishing he would stay. It’s not that he doesn’t care if Shannon’s here or not it’s just…. 

He feels like he can be more himself when Buck is around. With Shannon, he still feels like he has to be the rock, the steady supportive foundation that she needs through this difficult time. It’s not her fault, and he’s disappointed with himself when he finds himself getting frustrated with her. She’s going through a tough time, but they’re together. For the first time since they got pregnant and then immediately married, they’re actually living in the same house for more than a few weeks at a time. 

They’ve been here for over a year now, which is the longest they’ve ever spent a substantial amount of time together since they were kids, maybe not even then. Of course it’s a bit of an adjustment. That’s all. She’s feeling on the outs because she’s been struggling with her mom, and they’ve been hanging out with Buck, doing fun things. 

Her mom is declining, so she’s struggling with that; of course she is. He just has to be patient, and it’ll be fine. He can be there for her, be a good husband and a good partner and a good parent. He can do all of that. He has to. 

–

It’s been about two years since they moved out to LA. He and Shannon are out at a fancy restaurant within the next blink, on a date for the first time in a long time. Her mom died almost a year ago now, but with the funeral and her estate and the emotional upheaval her death brought, they’ve been up in the air a little bit, relationship-wise. 

They’re here now though, putting effort into their clothes and getting a reservation. Buck is at the house watching Christopher so they can be out, and it’s good. It’s good for them. It’ll be fine. 

“I think we should get a divorce.” 

The words take several seconds to sink in, and even then, he’s still unconvinced that he heard them correctly. There’s no way he heard that right. 

“What?” 

Shannon smiles sadly, her eyes shiny and resigned. “Eddie, c’mon. Listen, we tried. We’ve spent more time together in the last two years than we have in the entire previous 6 years of our marriage. It’s just- it’s not working, and I think you know that.” 

“I- what do you mean, “it’s not working’?” He hisses, fighting to keep his voice down, not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of this restaurant. “I’ve- I’ve done everything you asked, Shan! I ignored my own worries and moved the whole family out here, I’ve been by your side every step of the way with your mom, I’ve- I’ve done everything, Shannon. What didn’t I do?” He pleads for an answer, because he can’t imagine how they ended up here. 

“Eddie. Come on. Are you really telling me that you’re happy how we are now? You’re happy in this marriage and in this life?” She doesn’t even pause to let him answer before she pressed on. “We’re barely together anymore, and I think we both know that if it hadn’t been for Chris, we never would have gotten married.” 

She sounds so convinced, and it steals the breath from Eddie’s chest, not ready to admit that she has a point. “I- but I love you, Shannon.” He whispers, feeling lost. 

She smiles sadly and reaches out to cover his hand with both of hers. “Hey. I know you do, and I love you, too, but are you in love with me still? Every time you refer to me, it’s through Christopher. I’m Chris’ mom. If not, I’m your wife.” She says the words with a tone that makes it clear she’s quoting him. 

It pulls him up short, going over the recent past in his mind to try and refute her, but he finds he can’t. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t her love her though, right?

“I know you love me as your wife and as Chris’ mom. I know that, Eddie. Do you still love me as me?” 

He studies her face, taking in all the ways she’d changed since they met, since they got married, since they moved out here. For the first time in a long time, he really looks at Shannon; sees the new wrinkles around her eyes and the lightness in her hair and the way her face has thinned out since they were kids. 

He looks at her, and he feels the warmth of affection for her in his chest, for what she’s given him and the life that they’ve had together, but… 

“I mean, we’ve been together for a long time, Shannon. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, relationships settle. It happens to everyone - nobody stays passionately in love for decades, that’s not realistic. Are you trying to tell me that you’re madly in love with me still?” He argues anyway, because he can’t imagine losing her. She’s his closest friend, his partner in life. 

“No, Eddie, I’m not madly in love with you. That’s what I’m saying.” She agrees, and he can’t lie, it does sting. Probably not as much as it should though. 

Love wasn’t really a contributing factor when they got married; not between them, at least. 

They were expecting a baby, and they both loved Christopher with everything in them. In addition, Eddie grew up Catholic, and Shannon’s family was also religious, so having a baby out of wedlock was something that was just not done. It was an easy, logical decision to come to; not one that was borne out of fervent love and the desire to bind their lives together forever. 

He proposed because that’s what was expected of a man to about to become a father; he takes care of his child and their mother. He provides a home and stability and makes sure that they have what they need to live a good life. 

It was what his dad drilled into his brain growing up, and it’s what he fell back onto when faced with an overwhelming situation like becoming a dad at 19. He’s been trying to be better than his dad though, not wanting to continue the generational bullshit that was passed onto him. 

“I don’t want to lose you.” He admits quietly, swallowing heavily around the lump in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. He’s not even sure she can hear him over the din of the busy restaurant until she smiles sweetly, a tear falling down her face. 

“You’re not. You’re my best friend, Eddie; have been since we were 17.” She reminds him, and he can’t fight the nostalgic smile that lifts at his lips at that. “We’re not going to stop being friends, and we still have a beautiful little boy that needs us both. You’re not losing me if we’re not married anymore. Just to a different house, that’s all.” She promises, and he finds himself believing her. 

Maybe this isn’t the end of the world. Maybe it’s just the end of a chapter - and perhaps one that’s been coming for a while, he admits quietly to himself. 

–

When they pay the check and walk back outside, it’s with Shannon’s hand hooked around his elbow as he leads her out to her car. He presses a kiss to the crown of his head, a mess of conflicting emotions that leave him feeling more than a little vulnerable. 

She smiles up at him when he pulls back, and they climb into the car. “I’ll start the paperwork Monday. We’ll be okay Eddie; you’ll see.” 

Buck greets them when they walk in the door, a soft smile on his face. “Hey guys. Chris tried to hang on to say goodnight to you both, but the poor guy passed out before I could even finish Good Night Moon. ” He shares, with an indulgent look that Shannon and Eddie both echo. 

“I’m going to go say goodnight and change.” Shannon tells him, patting him on the arm. “Thank you again for watching him, Buck.” 

Eddie watches her disappear, stomach churning as he feels Buck’s heavy gaze on his face. 

“Hey, can I crash on your couch tonight?”

Eddie’s question catches Buck off-guard, judging by the way his eyebrows nearly touch his hairline and the slight part in his lips, but he still replies almost immediately. “Yeah, uhm- yeah, of course. Anytime.” He agrees, questions brewing behind his eyes but he’s good enough to not voice any of them, which Eddie is eternally grateful for. 

He knows he’s curious, knows he wants to ask why Eddie is coming home from a date with his wife and crashing at his friend’s house instead of climbing into bed beside her and making the most of their kid being passed out cold, but he’s good at reading Eddie and knowing that he needs a minute. 

He packs a bag and informs Shannon of the plan, and she gives him a tight smile and swears that they’ll figure it out. 

Buck’s waiting for him at the door when he comes back out to the living room, and he can’t deny that there is a sense of relief there, somebody to walk at his side when the world feels so dark. It makes sense that it’s Buck, too. Nobody’s really been by him the way Buck has, has learned about his flaws and the ways he’s failed and still wanted to know more, who trusted him whole-heartedly. 

As he follows Buck back to his apartment, making sure he doesn’t lose sight of the Jeep for too long, he admits that all of that probably means something, but he’s nowhere near ready to dive into all of it. 

Once they park and make their way up to Buck’s loft, he plops on the couch in front of the tv and starts searching for something to watch while Buck grabs them a couple beers. 

They don’t have to work tomorrow, so he clicks on one of the documentaries that Buck had saved and settles further into the cushions, leaning slightly into the warmth of Buck’s body when he drops beside him. 

They’re about an hour and another beer in when Eddie finally talks, his voice barely above a whisper. “We’re getting a divorce.” 

He sounds so resolute, so accepting, that it shocks them both a little bit. 

“You- Wow. I- I didn’t realize you guys were having problems.” Buck stutters, like he doesn’t know what the correct reaction is, and Eddie huffs in a twisted amusement. Join the club. He thinks, a little bitterly. 

“Me neither, and I think maybe that’s the problem.” He sighs, rubbing his eyes until colors swirl beneath his lids. “It’s- Shannon and I were really young when we got married, and to be honest, the only reason we really took that step was because she got pregnant. We got married and then I almost immediately shipped out, so for the first 5 years of Chris’ life, we only really lived together on paper. Then, I got shot and sent home busted and bullet-filled, and her mom was sick, so then we moved out here.” He pauses, thinking about that night. “She almost left us, actually.” 

At Buck’s confused noise, he continues. “Yeah, she’d mentioned it before, but I kept shutting her down because I wasn’t ready. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night and she had packed a bag and was sneaking back into our bedroom to leave me a note that she was going to take care of her mom, with or without us.” He admits. He hasn’t thought about that night in a while, all too happy to push that memory from his mind and act like it didn’t happen. “Maybe I should’ve seen the writing on the wall, then.” 

Buck hums thoughtfully, digesting his words. “Do you- do you regret moving out here?” He asks carefully, and for the first time, Eddie turns to look at him. 

“What? No, of course not. She got time with her mom, and Chris didn’t have to spend that time missing his. I met Carla and everyone at the 118. I met you.” He says with a smile, bumping their shoulders together, pleased by the way Buck drops his chin to his chest and smiles shyly. He revels in that feeling for a moment before he sighs again. “As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right.” He whispers again, words nearly hidden beneath the smooth British voice of the nearly forgotten documentary’s narrator. “We- being in love was never really a contributing factor to our marriage, it was about duty. I do love her, of course I do, but I don’t think either of us loves each other the way we both deserve. She’s always been the braver one out of us both. I’m- relieved isn’t the right word,” He clarifies, looking into the beautiful blue of Buck’s eyes and finding himself floating a little bit. Have his eyes always been this… pretty? “I’m not relieved that our marriage is over and that Chris is going to be splitting his time between us, but maybe there is a certain… weight off my chest, almost, I guess. I didn’t even realize I was struggling to breathe until it was gone.” 

“Hey, maybe everything does happen for a reason then. Besides, Chris is going to get two Christmases; he’s going to be thrilled.” Buck teases with a bump of his shoulder, and it startles a laugh out of Eddie. 

Leave it to Buck to break the tension and soothe his own misgivings at the same time. “Yeah, two bedrooms of toys and what I’m sure is going to amount to a ton of Guilt Presents.” He agrees ruefully, before sobering at his next thought. “I’m not sure how the rest of the family is going to feel about it, though.” 

“Hey,” Buck calls gently, drawing his eyes up from where they’d been staring at a spot on the far wall. Buck’s heard about Eddie’s parents and their distaste about them moving to LA, so he understands a bit of Eddie’s reticence. “Whatever happens with your family, I’ve got your back.” 

You’re badass under pressure, brother. You can have my back any day.

Or you know, you could- you could have mine. 

The words echo in his mind, his and Buck’s voices, but in a setting he doesn’t recognize and an exchange he doesn’t remember. 

“Wh- Did you-?” Eddie asks, but more words start to filter in. 

Hang on Eddie, I’m coming!

 Three minutes out Eddie, we’re so close. I just need you to hang on. 

I think we should get a divorce. 

You could be dead next year! 

Buck!! Buck, can you hear me?! 

Three minutes and seventeen seconds. 

I’m leaving the 118. 

There’s nobody I trust with my son more than you. 

Chris loves you so much, I just thought that eventually… 

You would too? 

Yes. Alexandra is your daughter. 

This guy stole the fire truck with half the crew still on it to get me here on time. 

You don’t have to pretend with me. 

I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do, too. 

It’s in my will that if I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian. 

His breath is coming in heavy pants now as memories and scenes that feel both familiar and not fly across his vision. “What? What is going on?” He wonders aloud, trying to make sense of the memories and feelings and thoughts racing at a breakneck pace across his brain. 

He sees himself, waking up in the morning with Chris beside him and the note informing him that Shannon had left. 

He remembers not speaking to her for two years and struggling to trust her once she finally came back, only for her to ask him for a divorce and then die in the back of the ambulance. 

He sees the 118, all just a step to the left of the one that he has now. He sees his teenage son and a beautiful daughter that he doesn’t know in this life. 

Through it all, he sees Buck at his side. Hobbling on crutches at his shield ceremony right after he got crushed by a ladder truck. Bloody and exhausted after the tsunami. Crawling beneath another truck with blood on his face after the sniper sent a bullet through his shoulder. Terrified and out of breath after he took a baseball bat to his room and scared his son. Dangling limp on the line from the ladder without a heartbeat. Dressed up and nervous on their poker outing. Covered in soot from a fire and sparkling with mischief when he hijacked the truck to make sure Eddie got to Alex’s debate on time, shrugging nonchalantly about the suspension he got for it like it didn’t matter, because it was for Eddie. 

He remembers an entire life before this, but how? It feels so real, but so does this one. He has lifelong memories of both, and he can’t-

“Hi Dad.” He hears Chris’ voice, sounding so much older than the little boy at the house he just left. 

“Chris? Buck, what’s-?” He calls, looking around, only to turn and find himself completely alone in the loft, spinning around in a fruitless search. 

“Buck says you’re getting better, but you’ve gotta wake up, Dad. There are so many things we were going to do while Alex was here, but we don’t want to do them without you; it just doesn’t feel right. So, you need to wake up.” His baby boy urges, and Eddie is still searching for him. 

“I’m- I don’t know how!” He yells back in response. He doesn’t see a light, there’s no glowing exit sign. No “follow here back to your kids” written out in convenient, bright paint. 

Which life is even real? How is he supposed to even tell? Buck disappearing out of the blue seems a bit fantastical, but maybe he just walked upstairs while Eddie wasn’t paying attention. 

“Hi Eddie.” 

A sweet, newly familiar voice calls, and his heart squeezes. “Alex?” 

“I- Buck said that I should just talk to you, say whatever feels natural, but I don’t really know what to say.” She admits and Eddie feels a breath force its way through his clenched teeth at how unsteady she sounds.

“Everyone is sure that you’ll wake up soon, but I overheard them say they’re not sure why you haven’t woken up yet; you’ve been off the stuff that’s been keeping you asleep for over a day already, so I- you need to wake up. I need you to wake up. Please.” She whispers, and Eddie wants to go to her so badly. He wants to run to his babies and wrap them up in his arms and promise that he’ll never leave them again, but the loft door is gone, and he has no idea how to get out. 

“I grew up without my dad. And I was fine,” She reminds him stubbornly, and he laughs thickly through the lump in his throat and the itch in his eyes. “But I can’t deny that it’s been pretty cool having you around. So, you have to wake up. Dad, you have to wake up, okay? Be- because I do need my dad, okay? I need you to- to wake up, to come back. I don’t know why you haven’t woken up yet, if there’s something going on that the doctors don’t know about, but whatever it is, you need to- to get over it and wake up, okay?” 

A tear slips down his face, because that’s the first time she’s called him Dad. The first time she called him dad and he’s not there. 

He’s hurt. Probably stuck in a coma, if he had to guess. He remembers Buck talking a little bit about his own coma dream after the lightning strike, who was in it.

And who wasn’t. 

He runs to the windows, searching furiously for a door, an open window, literally anything that could get him out. 

The door that leads to the patio is also gone, and no matter how much he shoves at the windows, they stay sealed. 

“Hey, Eds.” 

A hurt noise escapes his throat at the sound of Buck’s voice. He can hear the smile in his voice, but he knows Evan Buckley well enough to know that it’s completely fake; that he’s forcing himself to smile to avoid facing his own feelings or worrying anybody else. 

“You’re probably just resting, I know. You went through a lot, had a lot of shit go wrong, lots to heal from. I get it, so take the time you need to heal but… you’ve gotta come back, Eddie. Come back to me. I don’t want to do this without you. I’ve got the kids with me, I’m taking care of them, I swear, but I don’t want to raise Chris on my own, okay? Don’t make me do that. Come back whenever you’re rested up and ready but… you have to come back. Please, Eddie, just come back. Please.” 

“I’m trying!” He screams to the tall ceilings, heart breaking at the begging tone in Buck’s voice. He’d give Buck anything he wanted - everything he had to give, he’d hand it over to Buck, no questions asked. 

“Let me out! ” He screams, rattling the windows with his desperation. 

“Eddie.” 

He freezes at the call, at the voice. 

He turns around slowly, and his eyes fall on her. 

Shannon. His Shannon. Not the one that he followed to LA immediately and left in the house an hour and a half ago, but the one that succeeded in fleeing in the middle of the night and didn’t talk to him for two years. The one that he struggled to let back in just in time for her to ask for a divorce and die. 

HIs Shannon is standing in front of him, her hair as dark as he remembers, but lacking the hazy look in his eyes from the last time he saw her, sprawled out on a gurney with a C-collar around her neck. 

“Shannon.” He whispers. “You’re dead.” 

She smiles a little, no small amount of sadness in it. “I am. You’re not though. Well, you’re not supposed to be.” She answers, and his breath stutters out of his chest. 

“Why am I here then? Why can’t I get out? If I’m not supposed to be dead, where are all the doors?” 

She shrugs, walking slowly around him. “That’s a question only you can answer. Something’s holding you here, the same way it’s been holding you back for so long.” She answers, a knowing tilt to her lips. 

“Wh- what?” 

Her nose crinkles in a move so familiar that it steals his breath away. “I think you know. You just have to admit it. It’s the same thing that’s been holding you back for about the last, what’s it been now, 5 years? 6?”

He exhales harshly. "You.” 

She wiggles her finger in a performative gesture. “Something like that.” 

“I don’t- what’s that supposed to mean?” He questions, playing dumb because he really is not ready to have this conversation. 

She knows him well enough to raise an eyebrow. “Eddie.” 

He sighs then, walking over to sit on the stairs, bracing his elbows on his knees and threading his fingers through his hair. “I- You’re acting like I’m supposed to just get over you, like it’s- you died in front of me after asking for a divorce. What- how am I supposed to just get over that?” 

She kneels down on the step in front of him, hands resting on her lap. “I’m not saying you should forget about me, that’s not what I’m here for. But Eddie, come on. We were never really happy; not really. Even if I had lived, we were never going to last forever, and I think you know that.” She urges him softly. 

Eddie exhales a stuttering sigh, afraid of what’s going to come out next. “But I- you’re the- Shan, you’re the only woman that I felt like this for, and if I can’t- what happens if you’re also the last woman?” He whispers softly. It's something that's haunted him since he was a teenager. The way he looked at other boys was wrong, with their big hands and lanky bodies and their smiles and their eyes. He shouldn't have been blushing when the football quarter back he was friends with slung his arm over Eddie's shoulder and tucked him into his side in a wholly friendly way. He shouldn't have let his eyes drift to the guys on his baseball team with their tight pants and tucked in shirts. 

It was wrong, a crime against nature and a sin that was repeated to him over and over again at Mass on Sundays and in the caustic remarks of his parents about those people. 

He wasn't that, though. He met Shannon, and he could make it work with her. Sure, he didn't really get the hype, but he loved being close to her, loved that he could seek out touch and intimacy that he'd been craving in a way that was socially acceptable, even if it didn't quite dull the itch beneath his skin. 

He ignored the rough hands and hard bodies and strong legs and caustic humor that left him feeling flushed in the Army, because he had Shannon and Chris back home, and he didn't need to be like that. He wasn't, because he had a beautiful wife and a son and those were two big boxes he could check off as being normal and right and not like that. That's obviously not why he married Shannon and had Christopher, and sometimes it feels weird to think of them that way, but it was an easy way to rationalize it to himself when the doubt got to him in the middle of the night. 

But if he has to admit now that he couldn't love Shannon the right way, and he definitely couldn't love Ana or Marisol the right way... If he can't be normal and right again, then he has to face something that he's spent decades of his life running from, and that's a big step. One that he's not sure he's ready for, or if he ever will be. 

She rests one hand on his knee. “Then maybe you need to look into what that means for you and women. And maybe you and a particular best friend of yours.” She taunts, and he freezes. 

“Wha- I-” He stutters, but she rolls her eyes, pinching his knee and smirking when he hisses and pulls away. “Okay, ow. Rude.” 

“Come on, Edmundo. Are you really trying to tell me that you have no feelings at all whatsoever about that hunky blonde you practically handed our boy over to without a second thought?” She teases.

“I-" He searches her gaze, looking for judgment or disgust, but finds none. “I don’t know what to do with that. That’s not- I’m not supposed to be… that.” 

She smiles softly, her hand coming to cup his cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with the way that you are. Never has been, never will be.” 

He snorts, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Are you telling me you knew?” 

She chuckles. “When we were together, no, of course not. I was nowhere near ready to think about that, not with everything we had going on. I have been able to watch over you though; you and Christopher, and well… it’s not really all that hard to see. Not for me, at least.” 

He raises his hand to place it over hers, pressing it harder against his face. “I did love you.” He swears, and she nods, cupping his other cheek too. 

“I know you did; I loved you too, but we loved each other as teenagers. We never got the chance to figure it out as adults. Even if we had, it was never going to be me.” 

He nods, sniffling. “Yeah, I- I figured that out. Fun little coma dream, by the way. Do I have you to thank for that?” He jokes, and she chuckles again, shrugging. 

“I am nowhere near powerful enough to orchestrate this, but when they asked if I wanted to tag along, well. I could hardly say no.” She smirks, and he smiles, leaning forward to pull her into a tight hug, feeling her arms wrap around his neck. 

“It’s okay to be happy Eddie; for you. You don’t have to pretend anymore or fake anything. Not because of me. I want you to be happy. It’s okay to move on, to build a life without me.” She whispers against his chest, and he nods, letting his tears drip as he savors the weight of her in his arms one last time. It feels like her permission has unlocked something deep inside him, a box that he shoved part of himself into and then covered it with chains and padlocks and sunk it to the bottom of the nearest deep-sea trench now recovered and reunited. 

It's terrifying, but hopefully it won't always be.

She sniffs and pulls away with a watery grin. “Alright. Time for you to go. You’ve got three very important people out there waiting for you to come home.” 

“But the-” He’s about to mention the doors again, only to see that it’s miraculously reappeared. 

She smiles as she pats his leg and stands. “Well. Guess you figured it out. Give Christopher a hug for me?” 

He stands and studies her for a moment, trying to memorize her face again, so he never forgets it. 

He places a kiss on her cheek and nods his agreement. He doesn't know if any of this is actually real, but even if it's not, Chris deserves to know how much Shannon loved him.  

Then he sprints across the room and throws the door open and starts running. 

He’s got a family to get home to.

Chapter Text

Fighting through the haze of heavy-duty sedatives is just as awful now as it was the first two times he’s done it, but he does it anyway. 

He does, because he can hear the murmured voices of those he loves the most on the other side. 

“C’mon guys, your dad wouldn’t want you guys sitting in this room all day, watching him sleep,” he hears Buck say, the warmth of his voice wrapping around Eddie like a heated blanket, helping to chase away some of the chill ever-present in hospital rooms. “Besides, Pepa is here, she’s going to keep him company for the rest of the day, and we still have plans to meet Elena for dinner. We can come back tomorrow if you guys want,” he promises, hearing the grumblings of two teenagers. 

He tries to say something, but no words come out, just a creaky, broken kind of groan, followed by a cough as he pries his eyes open, feeling the effects of the buildup of sleep in his eyes and the ache in his body from being asleep so long. 

“Dad?”

“Eddie?!” 

Three voices overlap as footsteps come rushing back to his side, and he smiles when he sees Chris and Alex both beside his bed. “Hey guys.” 

Chris is the first to lean over and hug him, gentling at the last second when Buck calls for him to be “Easy, Superman, your dad’s still pretty busted up”, and Alex quickly takes his place once he moves. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake, Dad,” she whispers, and Eddie’s eyes flutter closed, hearing the name awake for the first time, and it sounds even better than it did before. 

“I’m glad I’m awake too. I’m sorry I missed your trip.” Alex chuckles wetly, leaning her head against his good shoulder. “I’ve still got a few days left out here, and so does Mom. We can hang out more now, since you’re awake.” 

Eddie grins, but feels the siren song of sleep again, and knows he should probably be checked out before he falls asleep again, remembering the battery of tests he had to go through after he woke up from the shooting. 

He’s unsurprised when a group of nurses and doctors file into the room, Buck trailing behind them and giving him a nod as he ushers the kids out. “C'mon, let’s get out of the way of the doctors, we can call and let everyone know he’s awake and then come back in once they’re done.”

Eddie feels desperate as Buck disappears from his view, the gaggle of scrubs and lab coats filling his eyesight, but he goes along with it - answers all their questions and holds still while they check him over, knowing that the sooner they get out, the sooner he gets Buck and his kids back. 

It’s an exhausting 15 minutes, but eventually, they do filter out of the room, and it’s only a few minutes before Chris and Alex are back. They perch on the chairs beside his bed and fill him in on everything they’ve done in the week that he’s apparently been asleep. 

It hurts a little to hear about everything that they’d gotten to do without him, but he refuses to settle too much into that feeling. The only other alternative would be for everyone to sit home and do nothing the entire time he was asleep, and he definitely doesn’t want that. 

Besides, he survived; that means he has time to make up for those memories that he missed out on, and that’s what he’s going to focus on now. 

It gets harder to keep his eyes open, despite how badly he wants to sit and listen to their seemingly endless stories and hear about everything he’d missed. 

He dozes off before he realizes it, only rousing when there’s a large shuffle through the door and greetings that are loudly whispered. 

“He fell asleep a little bit ago.” Alex shares, and he recognizes Buck’s hum. 

“That’s okay, his body is using up a lot of energy to heal, so he’ll be in and out of it for a while, probably.” 

“In the meantime-” That’s Elena’s voice this time. “I grabbed some food on my way in, so let’s get that all sorted out, because I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.” 

Murmurs of agreement reach his ears, and he smiles, heart warming at his family - as unconventional as it is - gathering around and spending time together for dinner, even if it doesn’t look exactly like what most people think of when they hear the words, “family dinner.” 

Eddie pries his eyes open for a second time that day, feeling a little bit better rested than he did the first time, and he smiles when they automatically land on Buck, who’s listening raptly to the ideas Chris has for the rest of the time Alex and Elena are apparently in town for. 

When blue eyes drift to him after a few seconds, they brighten considerably when he realizes that he’s awake, placing a hand on Chris shoulder and tilting his chin towards Eddie. “Hi, Sleeping Beauty,” he teases, but it sounds far too soft to be truly jesting. 

“Hey Buck,” he whispers back, unable to deny anymore exactly how besotted he feels when he has his partner's full attention on him. There’s no mistaking the affection in his voice, and Buck grins wider about it. 

“Hi, Eddie. It’s good to see you awake,” Elena says softly, drawing his attention away from the staring contest he’d fallen into with Buck, and he smiles at her, reaching out when she makes her way to his side and squeezes his hand. 

He sits by and lets the conversations flow around him, contributing when he can and enjoying the voices that wash over him when he has nothing to add. 

His aunt shows up soon after everyone finishes eating, and she holds his hand and fusses over him, asking Buck a heap of questions, all of which he answers easily - obviously having spoken to the doctor while the kids kept him company - and Eddie relaxes further into the thin mattress beneath him. 

It’s not all that comfortable, and the sheets are vaguely itchy, but he doesn’t have to worry about anything, because Buck has everything under control. 

As the day grows later, eventually, everyone does have to leave, hugging him lightly before they do, promising that they’ll be back later. 

When it’s Buck’s turn, Eddie clings to his shoulder and nuzzles into his broad shoulder, breathing in as much of his scent as he can, kicking himself for not realizing before what this feeling in his chest meant and feeling a little bit like an idiot. 

Buck clings back to him just as long, resting his head on the pillow beside Eddie’s. 

He’s right there. 

So close, his lips are inches away from Eddie’s, close enough that he can feel his breath on his cheek and count all of his blonde eyelashes. 

He’s helpless, leaning forward… 

Buck stands up quickly, looking flushed and wide-eyed and guilty, but he doesn’t step away from the bed, and his hand still rests on Eddie’s bicep. “Uhm, -” He coughs, rubbing the back of his neck, eyes darting between Eddie and the wall. “I called Marisol earlier, to let her know you were awake. She said she’d stop in tomorrow, didn’t want to take too much time away from the kids today, so she and Bobby and them will probably be in and out all day.” 

Oh. 

Yeah, Eddie kind of forgot about his girlfriend, didn’t he? 

Well, he should probably take care of that before he tries to kiss his best friend. Otherwise, that’d be kind of a dick move, and Marisol deserves better. It’s not her fault he fell in love with his best friend years ago, and he owes her an explanation. 

Shit, Buck has a girlfriend too. 

He’s not ready to think about the realities of that just yet. 

“Hey,” he whispers, turning his arm to grasp onto Buck’s to draw his attention. “Thank you. For everything.” 

One side of Buck’s lips turn up, pleased and sweet. “Y-yeah, of course, Eddie. Anything for you; you know that.” 

Eddie grins and nods, begrudgingly letting go of his hold on Buck’s arm, but his eyes never leave him as he makes his way out of the room. 

–

Hen visits him early the next morning, only staying for a few minutes and bullying him into agreeing that he’ll call if there’s anything she can do to help him while he heals, as well as promising to spend an evening at her and Karen’s once he’s a bit better. 

She’s only been gone for about 15 minutes when there’s a knock on his door, Marisol’s head peeking over the threshold when he calls out for them to enter. 

“Hey,” she greets hesitantly, taking a seat on the very edge of the chair by his bed, her spine uncomfortably straight, and he thinks that they’re actually on the same page for the first time in their entire relationship. 

“Hey. Thanks for coming.” His own voice is awkwardly stilted, any ease they’d forged long gone under the harsh fluorescent lighting of this hospital room, and he wonders if it was ever really there in the first place, or if they were both just pretending so they wouldn’t be alone. 

She smiles at him tightly, more of a grimace than anything. “Yeah, of course. I do- I do think that we need to talk, though.” 

“Yeah, I- I think that would be good,” he agrees, readjusting in the bed to give her his full attention. 

“I didn’t realize that Buck was in your will,” she shares, her words stopping him in his tracks because… what? 

She must see the confusion on his face and in his rapidly blinking eyes, because she continues easily, telling him about how his parents apparently showed up to the hospital one day and ran into her, and then practically drug her back to the house, as well as the subsequent confrontation between Buck and his parents and her and the kids, and Eddie’s reeling a little bit because that sounds like an absolute disaster, and he can’t imagine how much worse it must have felt to be in it firsthand. 

“It made me realize a couple things about our relationship,” she concludes once she finishes relaying the events of the afternoon. “I think we went into this looking for a partner, someone to help carry the heavy loads and be there for the good times, too. I just don’t think either of us realized you already had someone like that. Or, at least, I hope you didn’t know that and were just trying to like-” 

Eddie shakes his head quickly, trying to assure her that he truly didn’t know, but he’s still healing from a not-insignificant brain injury, and that was way too much, too fast. It leaves him groaning in pain and resting back against the pillow, breathing deeply to find his way through the dizziness. The pain isn’t too bad - thanks to the heavy-duty drugs they’ve kept him on - but it still takes a second for the world to stop spinning. 

Marisol’s hand is resting comfortingly on his forearm when it finally does, and he slowly turns to face her, reaching up to grab her hand and grasp her fingers. “No, I didn’t know it either, not until now. I didn’t realize his place in my life, or my- my own feelings, not until somebody really spelled it out for me. Which, given that I’m pretty sure it was a hallucination or something of my late wife is embarrassing,” he admits, still unsure of how much of that was real, and what was brought on by trauma. The brain can do some weird shit, and he’s more aware of that then most - being in the military and then as a first responder in LA, he’s seen all kinds of knots that brains weave themselves into to protect themselves. 

She smiles sadly then, squeezing his fingers gently. “Well, we both do now, so I think there’s only really one thing we can do now, as much as I hate to do it while you’re still in the hospital.” 

Eddie chuckles. “Eh, seems about right for us, given how we met,” he teases, and she smiles. 

He can admit that he really does care about Marisol, and he wants nothing but happiness for her. He can just also finally admit that he’s not going to be the one who can give it to her. 

“I hope you have a good life, Eddie,” she says, standing up, and he uses his grip on her hand to tug her down into a hug. 

“You too, Marisol. You’re amazing, and you’re going to make somebody very happy someday,” he promises, and she’s grinning as she pulls away. 

“Oh, I know,” she winks, drawing laughter out of him and then she’s gone, sweeping out of the door and out of his life, just as quietly as she’d entered it. 

– 

He finally gets to go home after another 3 days in the hospital, all of which he has a rotating door of guests - including his parents, which is an interesting discussion that gets cut short when Bobby and Athena arrive, steely-eyed and in uniform. 

They go back to Texas soon after, still unhappy with the state of his will, but after he’d firmly told them he wasn’t going to change it, they knew they couldn’t change his mind. 

Not yet at least. He’s not naive enough to think they’ve given up, but for now, they know there’s no swaying him. 

He’s relegated to a wheelchair until his arm and leg heal enough, something that he makes his displeasure about very clear, but Buck, who’s behind him wheeling him out, only teases him about it, refusing to get pulled into his grumpiness, and even though he feels a little like an invalid, it is nice to be taken care of. 

Even nicer when Buck easily manhandles him in out and out of the jeep and onto the couch once they get home. His cheeks are on fire, and he curses his body for the betrayal, hoping that Buck blames it on exertion and not the blood rushing to inappropriate places at the thought of him doing that in far different circumstances. 

Being home is amazing, surrounded by Buck and Alex and Chris and Elena, all of whom give up their time and adventure to spend with him, and he feels so incredibly blessed to have the life that he does. 

Of course, he doesn’t want them to stay by his side all the time, especially when he spends so much of it now resting, so Elena takes the kids out one afternoon so Christopher can show them around the Observatory - one of his favorite places, and somewhere he said they have to see before they go home in a couple days, which just leaves him and Buck at home. 

He’s resting on the couch again while Buck cleans up from breakfast, and Eddie easily dozes off to the sound of steady and confident movement in the kitchen, some deeply possessive part of him pleased that Buck is so at home and familiar in his kitchen.

It’s like he belongs there. 

He’s startled awake when a hand lands on his arm and shakes him awake slowly. “Hey, it’s time for your next round of meds,” Buck whispers, handing over the pills, and then the glass of water once Eddie pops them into his mouth. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs back, eyes caught on the softness on Buck’s face as he smiles before something crosses his mind and leaves some of the lightness leaving his face. 

“Yeah, of course, Eds; anything for you, you know that.” The words don’t quite match the tone, and Eddie narrows his gaze patiently, waiting for whatever it is that Buck needs to get off his chest next.

“You uh- if you want me to clear out, just let me know. I’ve been letting Elena stay at my loft instead of making her get a hotel, since I was here with Chris and Alex, and they’re going home on Monday, but if you want me to get out for a little bit, I can. I didn’t really ask if you wanted Marisol to help you do this stuff instead, I just kind of assumed, but I can-” 

Buck is rambling, rubbing at the back of his neck and glancing between Eddie’s face and the other side of the couch, unable to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds before he’s looking away again, jittery and vaguely uncomfortable and incredibly silly. 

“Buck,” Eddie finally says, cutting off the tangent and patting the cushion beside him, silently instructing him to sit. 

He does, folding his limbs up beneath him like he’s trying to shield himself, but he doesn’t need to, not from Eddie. 

“Hey, of course I wanted you to be the one here. You know there’s nobody I trust with Chris more than you, but you should also know by now that there’s also nobody I trust with me more than you either,” he tells him softly, melting at the surprised look in Buck’s eyes. “Also, I’m pretty sure my ex-girlfriend has better things to do than look after me,” he drops casually, watching Buck’s reaction closely. 

He swallows heavily, mouth parting slightly even as his forehead furrows. “Ex? She hasn’t come over since you’ve been home, and I haven’t-” Buck cuts himself off, putting the pieces together. “Wait. Did she dump you in the hospital?!” He demands, looking outraged on Eddie’s behalf, fully preparing to jump into a tangent, but Eddie just smiles and squeezes his knee to cut it off before it can start. 

“It was mutual, Buck; there’s no need to be offended on my behalf. In fact, I think she’d be right to be a little mad at me, given that I was dating her to fill a spot in my life that hasn’t actually had a vacancy in a long time.” 

His voice is barely above a whisper, a sudden intimacy in the room as Buck sways towards him. 

Of course, it’s that moment that he remembers Natalia, and he unhappily removes his hand. “If you want to get out of here though, I’d understand. I mean, I can’t imagine Natalia would be super pleased with you spending all of your time here and not with her,” he says with a pained smile, trying to joke, but it doesn’t quite land. 

Buck’s hand snaps out and circles around his wrist gently, and then they’re hanging in the air, not touching anywhere other than their hands, but the anticipation in the room feels like a blanket draped over their shoulders. 

“Yeah, she wasn’t,” Buck admits, not looking away from Eddie now, eyes so piercing that he might as well be looking at his soul. “She didn’t understand how I could drop whatever I was doing when Chris needed me, and she was not happy when she learned about the will.” 

Eddie winces slightly, wanting to pull his hand away and apologize for putting Buck in that position, but there’s something in Buck’s blues, a sparkle or a light that has him holding his breath instead. “I’m sorry?” He says anyway, but it comes out flat, and Buck’s grin just grows. 

“I’m not. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you guys, so when she threatened to walk away again, I helped her and told her not to come back.” 

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat at that, the thought that Buck would break off a relationship with someone because he’d decided that he and Christopher were more important. 

He’d always known that they were a priority in Buck’s life, but hearing it out loud in this context, he wonders if there’s a real chance here, a chance that they just might want the same thing; maybe they’ve always been on the same page, and that’s why it’s been so hard for them to make it work with anybody else. 

Maybe they’ve both been trying to fill an already full space. 

Buck’s next breath comes on shakily, and it’s only when Eddie feels it puff against his cheek that he realizes how close they are, having been moving towards each other slowly over the length of the conversation. 

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, his name nearly a whine, and it sends a shiver wracking up Eddie’s spine. “Eddie, I want to kiss you right now, but if that’s not what you want, I need you to tell me, because I can’t mess this up, I can’t lose you and Chris, so you have to tell-” 

Buck’s lips are soft beneath Eddie’s, a perfect fit between his own, still sweet from the waffles they had for breakfast. It’s slow, Buck’s tongue darting out to encourage his mouth to open before delving in, quickly and quietly consuming Eddie, the exact same way being with Buck has felt ever since that first day. 

Eddie presses forward, intent on getting closer, completely forgetting about his injuries until he pulls on the stitches and hisses in pain against Buck’s mouth, who immediately pulls away and starts to fret over him, laying a hand on his shoulder and guiding him further back into the couch, worrying needlessly about popped sutures internal bleeding and sentences that don’t actually make sense until Eddie pulls him down and kisses him again. 

“I’m okay,” he promises, between kisses before gesturing back to the couch and smiling when he drops down, cheeks flushed and lips red and slick, eyes dark and wide, and Eddie loves him so much. 

He reaches out slowly, pulling at Buck’s hand and interlocking their fingers that fit together like they were made for it. Like they were made for each other. 

“I love you,” he declares, looking away from their hands to find Buck’s eyes. “I think I have for a really long time, in all honesty, but I couldn’t see it. Maybe I wasn’t ready to see it, would be more accurate. I’m ready now though.” He rubs his thumb over the back of the hand clenched in his, smug at the shiver in Buck’s body from the motion. “There’s no way that you’d lose me; lose us. We’re family. There’s no way we’re letting you go.” 

A tear falls down Buck’s face, and he leans over, cradling Eddie’s face with his free hand and kissing him sweetly. 

“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time, Eds. Being with you is everything I’ve wanted for… well, pretty much since I met you,” he admits with a laugh, resting their foreheads together, and Eddie chuckles too, his chest bursting with light and a relief so strong that it’s overpowering. 

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I plan on keeping you,” Eddie murmurs, nuzzling his nose against Buck’s as his eyes flutter shut. Everything seems to settle inside him; all the anxiety and the nerves about realizing he’s in love and already built a life with his best friend fade away and he feels stable, like his feet are both planted firmly on the ground after not realizing he’d spent his entire life trying to remain upright during an earthquake. 

He exhales heavily in relief, sagging against Buck, who takes his weight and adjusts automatically to let him rest without straining any of his injuries, because he somehow always knows what Eddie needs before he himself does. 

The feeling of fingers sweeping through his hair and lightly scratching at his scalp - along with the hospital grade painkillers soaking into his veins - has him drifting gently into a peaceful sleep. 

– 

He heals slowly from his multitudes of damage from the accident, but Buck is by his side every step of the way. He coordinates with Pepa and Carla when he goes back to work to make sure that Eddie isn’t alone for too long, because even though he can take care of himself doesn’t mean he should always have to. 

Alex and Elena go home, but they get a date set for Alex to come back so they can spend the time together that they missed out on this time, and their relationship only continues to grow the longer he’s in her life. 

When Elena tells him on the phone one day that Alex is looking into colleges down in LA, he can’t contain the cheek-splitting grin that overtakes his face at the fact that his daughter is looking at places to be closer to him in the future. 

He thinks all the time how it doesn’t feel like life could get any better, but then Buck moves in, and then Chris starts high school and loves it, and then Alex calls him, and they talk for hours on the phone, and he’s proven wrong every single time, because it keeps getting better. 

Even when he and Buck have stupid fights because they’re tired or stressed, they never last long before they’re making up again, and then they make a trip back to Texas. 

He goes back to Texas for Abuela’s 80th birthday and Buck is right by his side, hand securely in his, the engagement ring on his lovingly folded between Buck’s fingers, given to him on their last date night, because they agreed that being together was good, but committing to each other forever was even better. 

For the first time that Eddie can remember, he’s hopeful for the future; even if there are bad days, maybe it won’t all be so bleak, because he’s enough. He’s enough just as he is, and he deserves to be happy, and he wants to be happy, and he’s determined to find that happiness in his life, no matter what.