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Johnny trembled as he turned the water on. He swallowed as he lit his hand on fire. Just one more moment-
“Johnny! Dinner!”
He immediately deactivated his powers and turned off the sink. After dinner. After dinner, he'll do it. He took a deep breath, put on a smile, and headed down to the kitchen.
After dinner.
“There you are,” Sue mused and ruffled his hair.
“Yeah, yeah,” Johnny laughed and smiled. Fake it until you make it. Fake it until you make it. He could do this.
Getting through dinner was easy, always easy. He had his acting down to a science. Put a smile. Crack a couple of jokes. No one knows. It was easy, simple.
He took a deep breath and turned on the sink in his bathroom. He'd never been happier for his own private bathroom. He felt his heart pounding as he activated his powers and plunged his hand into the water. He felt the familiar sting and held it in his hand as he looked at his now extinguished hand. The burn marks would disappear shortly—they always did. The pain, though… that would stay a bit longer.
Johnny felt the weight on his chest lighten a bit and turned the water off. His hands were shaking. That was fine. They always shook. He glanced at his shower. Could he… He shook his head. No. No. That would be too obvious. He decided to go to the garage and work on his project car. If Sue saw his hands before they healed, he could just blame it on the naturally rough work of working on a car.
-
Johnny groaned and got up, checking his hands. They were healed again—they always were the next day. He grabbed a hoodie and put it on—one of the fireproof Fantastic Four hoodies Reed had made for him when they had first gotten their powers and everything started. He swam in it, and it made him feel safe.
He sighed and ruffled his hair, then winced. Greasy. He should shower today. Probably. He went to his bathroom and put some dry shampoo in his hair and used a comb to comb it through carefully. Once that was done, he plopped down on his bed with his phone and started scrolling aimlessly. It was all pointless, but that's fine.
Most things were.
He sighed and curled up. He felt like he was paralyzed. He couldn't move forward, going back scared him, so he was stuck. It was endless. He hated it. He closed his eyes and sighed before forcing himself to get up and grab some food from the kitchen. He didn't want to eat, but he didn't want to worry his sister. Maybe something small.
Johnny went to the kitchen and looked through the pantry. Not much that would be easy to grab a go besides some granola bars. Two of those would have to do. He grabbed a couple and went back to his room before ultimately deciding eating them was too much effort and put them on the nightstand. He'll eat them later. After a quick nap. He deserved one.
-
Johnny turned on his shower. He never needed to shower; his powers kept him clean, but maybe one would be nice. He stripped off his clothes and got inside. He washed meticulously and carefully and sighed, finally getting the grease and grime out of his hair.
He paused.
He could…. He swallowed, hands shaking. He could. No one would be the wiser. In a place no one would see it… Johnny pondered this. If it was where no one could see it, then he didn't run the risk of Sue seeing it and getting worried. She didn't need that after all. Where could he do it, though…. He tilted his head, then let his hip burst into flame, barely keeping in a hiss as the water immediately put it out. The pain was much more intense than his hands, but that… was fine. Good. He felt the knot in his chest loosen up even more. That felt really, really good overall. He'd have to keep that in mind.
Johnny turned off the water and stepped out, drying himself and getting into loose-fitting pajamas. He towel-dried his hair and curled up on his bed again before his stomach growled. He sighed and got up, heading down to the kitchen. He didn't want to worry Sue.
He'd just grab a granola bar or something.
-
Johnny blinked as he struggled to grab his phone with his trembling hands. It seemed they never stopped trembling these days. Oh. It was a message from Wyatt. He sighed and replied back before pausing. He also had an unread message from Peter. They haven't hung out recently. He thinks so, anyway.
Peter: Hey Johnny how are you doing? It's been a while
Johnny: I'm fine. Just kinda hanging out and all that, especially since we haven't done hero stuff lately
Peter: Yeah…
Peter: Wanna hang out this weekend? Have one of our movie marathons
Johnny: Sure, Baxter Building okay?
Peter: Of course
Peter: See you Saturday
Johnny: See ya Saturday
Johnny paused, then sighed and texted Sue. She hoped she wouldn't say they had some weird thing he didn't remember
Sue: Sounds like you'll have a fun time
Johnny: Yeah, we haven't had a movie marathon in a while
Johnny sighed in relief and put his phone aside before curling up. A nap before dinner wouldn't hurt anything.
-
“Hey, Pete,” Johnny hummed as Peter exited the elevator. “I got everyone to clear out from the living room, so it's ours for the day.”
“Cool,” Peter said, giving him a look Johnny didn't understand. He shrugged it off as stress from Peter’s work or school and curled up with his boyfriend on the couch. The knot in his chest eased some, and he nuzzled close. Peter easily wrapped his arm around him and stroked his hair. Johnny was glad he managed to convince himself to shower this morning. His head had been horrendously greasy.
The two mostly cuddled in silence through the first couple of movies, Peter absent-mindedly eating a few snacks or feeding Johnny a few bites of whatever snack he was eating. Johnny didn't mind; he liked the closeness. The two hadn't seen each other much lately, though Johnny hadn't seen many people lately. He closed his eyes and dozed off as the next movie started.
-
Peter sighed and stroked Johnny's hair. He looked awful, and his hands were even more heavily scared. He had lost a lot of weight in the past two months since the last time he saw his boyfriend in person. He could see why Sue, Ben, and Reed decided not to tell him about missions and avoided going to space. Johnny… Peter sighed and nuzzled into his hair. He was so scared for him. He was so scared that there was nothing he could do. He was swimming in clothes that used to fit him perfectly. His favorite hoodie didn't look like it had been cleaned in weeks.
Sue used this time to clean up Johnny's room and his clothes. Hopefully, Johnny wouldn't question it. The best case scenario, he didn't notice anything was different. Well, actually… Peter winced. That might also be the worst-case scenario. All things considered…. Peter gently ran a hand over Johnny's burned and scarred hands. He would be surprised if he still had full motor control, let alone fine motor movements. Even now, with Johnny being asleep, his hands were trembling and shaking.
“Oh Johnny….” Peter mumbled and pulled him closer. “I love you so much… I wish you'd tell me how I could help you…”
“Is he asleep?” Reed asked, coming to check on the two of them a couple hours later. Peter nodded. “He's been sleeping a lot lately…”
“Probably his lack of eating,” Peter sighed and shook his head, stroking Johnny's hair. “I'm scared, Reed…”
“We all are,” he admitted. “Especially Sue.”
“I don't know what to do or how to help him,” he mumbled. “And that scares me more than anything….”
Reed nodded and observed the two nineteen-year-olds. It was a lot for the adults, but he could only imagine what Peter was going through, who already lost several people. First and foremost, though, his heart went out to Johnny, who was clearly suffering but trying to hide it.
“At this point, I think we have to sit him down and talk to him about it directly,” Reed sighed. Peter swallowed and nodded. “He'll get through this. We'll help him.”
“Yeah…” Peter took a shaky breath. “Yeah.”
-
Johnny winced as he woke up, blinked when he heard a heart monitor and hissed as he moved to sit up. He immediately felt hands on him that helped him, and he blinked and focused. He eventually could see Peter looking like he had been crying.
“Pete?” Johnny asked hoarsely. Peter smiled sadly and nodded, and put a couple of pillows behind Johnny, and he relaxed back against them. “Hi…”
“Shit, Johnny…” Peter murmured and took his hand gently. “Shit…. I was so scared!”
“I'm sorry-”
“No! No, you don't have to apologize. Please don't apologize,” Peter said and kissed his hand. “Johnny…”
“Where…?”
“Medical floor. I…. Sue found you in your shower.”
Johnny winced, putting the picture together in his head. So, that's why he wasn't dead. He didn't mean to be such a burden, especially for Sue. He felt the knot in his chest tighten. He'd have to wait until he was sure he was alone next time.
“Your family will probably be here soon,” Peter said, pulling Johnny from his thoughts. “They were really worried too.”
Johnny just mutely nodded. He didn't really know what to say, and the dull pain wasn't as comforting as it had once been. Now, it just brought a deep sense of guilt. He should've been more careful. If he had been, his family wouldn't be so worried.
“Johnny!” Johnny blinked as he was hugged by his sister and winced as he let go of Peter’s hand and hugged her back tightly. “Thank God, you're okay…”
“I'm sorry, so sorry…” Johnny trembled and started crying. Sue soothed him and sat next to him on the bed, holding him closed and stroking his hair.
“There's nothing you should apologize for,” Sue murmured softly. “I got you. Your big sister is here.”
“Love you…” Johnny mumbled and nuzzled closer. Sue kissed the top of his head. “How am I…?”
“I found you pretty quickly, from what the doctors could surmise from… well…” Sue took a shaky breath. “When you…” Johnny winced.
“I get the picture of it,” he mumbled, and the hug tightened slightly. He winced, and Sue let him go, apologizing. “It's fine; I'm kind of used to pain…”
“Oh, Johnny…” Sue sighed and kissed his forehead gently. “You're one big burn scar right now, basically. The doctors can handle most of the burns and heal them, but your hands…. They're less optimistic about those.”
“Ah…” Johnny winced. “How… bad are my hands?”
“Well, it's a miracle you can still use them,” Sue admitted. But considering you can, besides scarring and the trembling, with some work, you could get the full range of motion back, besides a lack of fine motor movement, anyway.”
“Ah,” Johnny winced. “Got it… How long do they want me to stay here?”
“At least until you are a little more healed,” Reed said, breaking the spell over the siblings.
Johnny nodded, and Sue kissed his forehead and helped him lie back against the pillows.
“Get some rest. We'll tell the doctors you're awake,” Sue murmured, and Johnny nodded, nodding off quickly.
-
“He's awake and alive,” Peter said, slumping in his seat in relief. Sue nodded and got up, squeezing her brother's hand. Her own hands shook now that she didn't have to visibly keep herself together since her brother was now resting. “Thank God…”
“Yeah,” Sue took a shaky breath. “Yeah. He's… he's alive.”
“That's what we have to focus on,” Reed agreed. “That, and helping him.”
“He's gonna need a lot of it,” Ben nodded. “But he has us.”
“Yeah, he does,” Peter agreed. “He has all of us.”
-
“What do you wanna eat?” Sue asked as Johnny joined her in the kitchen the day after he had been released. He hadn't left his room, but that had been his normal behavior since returning from the Negative Zone.
“Whatever you want,” he shrugged and sat down at the kitchen counter. He was in his favorite hoodie, which Sue managed to clean while he was… away. “It's whatever.”
“Are you sure?” Sue asked softly. Johnny nodded, and Sue decided to make some eggs. Those would be easy to eat, right? “How are you feeling?”
“Same as always.”
Sue nodded and took a deep breath.
“Have you thought about therapy?”
“I don't wanna take up time that could be used for others.”
“Johnny… at least consider it?” Sue asked gently. “Please?”
“I... maybe,” Johnny mumbled. Sue nodded and served the eggs and the bacon she had also cooked.
“I won't force you,” she reassured. But I am worried about you. Ever since you came back to us…. I'm just really worried.”
“I'm sorry,” Johnny mumbled and Sue sighed, kissed his temple, and started eating. Johnny picked at his food.
-
Peter: How'd therapy go?
Johnny: idk….
Johnny: Sue says it might take a while. I'd. I just kept thinking someone else could have the time slot and I'm taking it
Peter: You're not taking the spot up!
Peter: You're doing something good for yourself because you need it
Johnny: Look who's talking
Peter: lol jokes on you I AM in therapy
Peter: If you don't vibe with the therapist try a new one
Peter: It can take a bit, but trust me?
Johnny: Fine…
-
Johnny sighed as he went into the pantry to get a snack, only to pause when he realized all the nutrient information was blacked out. He blinked and checked a few more boxes and wrappers. All backed out.
“Surprise,” Peter hummed when he noticed Johnny checking everything. Johnny looked over, surprised. “You always check, so I decided to black them all out.”
“I… thank you,” Johnny mumbled and went over, kissing him gently. Peter hummed and kissed him back. “How-”
“We've been dating for two years; of course, I noticed,” Peter chuckled.
“No one else noticed,” Johnny mumbled. “I… Thank you.”
“Of course,” Peter smiled gently. "But we should have a proper lunch if you're up for it.”
“I can make us soup,” Johnny said, getting the pot out. He paused at the sink, rubbing his hands together. He quickly washed them and got the ingredients and broth out.
Peter smiled softly as he watched him cook. According to Sue, he hadn't been cooking since returning six months ago from the Negative Zone. It was good that he was slowly starting now, two months after they almost lost him again.
“How was therapy today?” Peter asked. “You had your second therapy session with this therapist, right?”
Johnny had been bouncing between therapists the last couple of months, not feeling great about any of them. However, it seemed he finally found one he was comfortable with.
“It was,” Johnny hummed and smiled. “She's cool. I think I'm gonna stick with her. I still feel bad, though, because I feel like someone else could have my time slot.”
“Remember, the time slot was available; that means no one else was using it,” Peter reminded gently. Johnny nodded.
“That's what Dr. Thompson said, too,” he said. Peter nodded and smiled softly. “I like her. She isn't pushy or anything, and it feels like she actually cares.”
“That's great,” Peter said warmly. Johnny smiled softly and nodded as he set the heat to low to cook the soup slowly. “What kind of soup are you making?”
“Homemade chicken noodle,” Johnny answered. “It's just… easier to eat when I make the food,” he admitted. “But it's been too much trouble recently, so…” he shrugs. “But… I forgot how fun it is.”
“Yeah?” Peter smiled softly. Johnny nodded.
“What smells so good?” Ben asked as he walked in.
“I made some soup for lunch, homemade chicken noodle,” Johnny said. “It's almost done. Mind grabbing Sue and Reed?”
“Sure, kid,” Ben mused and went to go get them as Peter set the counter.
“Smells great, Johnny,” Sue said as everyone served themselves.
“Thanks, Sue,” Johnny mused and started eating slowly.
-
“Peter?” Johnny's voice came loud and clear through the call as Peter paused in his swinging. “Can… Can you come over? Now? Please?”
“Of course, babe,” Peter murmured gently. “Hang tight. Want me to stay on the phone with you?”
“Please?”
“Of course,” Peter reassured gently. “Patrol was slow today,” he said as he headed to his boyfriend's place. “I was actually thinking about cutting it early for once.”
“You? Cutting it early?” Johnny gave a broken chuckle.
“I know, right?” Peter laughed and knocked on his window as he hung up. Johnny let him in, and Peter removed his mask. Johnny had clothes for him. Ah. An all-night kind of thing. He quickly changed and watched his very frazzled boyfriend.
“I… I don't want to follow my brain,” he admitted. “It wants me to… keep doing the… tendency. I… I don't want to, but I-’
“Hey, shhh, it's okay,” Peter mumbled and helped him sit on his bed. Johnny clung to him, trembling. “I'm here; I'll chase away those bad thoughts. It's okay.”
“I feel like such a failure. I'm supposed to be getting better.”
“Healing takes time, and these thoughts happen,” Peter reassured gently. “Setbacks and relapses happen, healing takes time, and isn't a straight line or race.”
“I don't deserve you,” Johnny mumbled. “You're way too good for me.”
“Funny, I think you're so much better than me,” Peter mumbled and kissed the top of his head, situating them so they were lying down. “Want to talk through your feelings?”
“I didn't even realize at first,” he admitted. “I was getting ready for bed, and then… I just… I looked at my sink and…” he swallowed. “I called you right away, and I was so scared.”
“I understand,” he promised. “I get it. I'm here.”
“You are,” Johnny nuzzled close. “I love you.”
“Love you too, babe,” Peter said softly. “Get some sleep, okay? I'll protect you.”
“Thank you…” Johnny mumbled, and they shifted to sleep under the blankets. “... Move in? Please? I….”
“Of course,” Peter mumbled. “Are you sure?” Johnny nodded and kissed him.
-
“I'm surprised Sue agreed to change my bathroom so easily,” Johnny admitted a couple of weeks later.
“Our sink,” Peter mused as he put away the last of his clothes. They wouldn't be staying in Johnny's room, now also his room, while the renovations were going on, but Peter at least wanted to get most of his things put away now that he lived here. Which… that was going to take time to process and get used to.
“Yeah, yeah,” Johnny chuckled and kissed his temple. “Thanks,” he murmured.
“Hey, I'm saving a lot on rent,” Peter mused and kissed him properly. “Besides, getting your food every day? Sounds great to me.” Johnny gave a startled laugh.
“Knew there was an ulterior motive,” Johnny teased. Peter laughed and kissed him. “Thanks, seriously.”
“Of course,” Peter smiled softly. “I could deal without the press, though,” he joked. Johnny snorted. “They've been mainly asking about you.”
“Let them ask; it's none of their business.”
“That's what I've been telling them,” Peter mused. “Come on, it's lunch time.”
“Yes, yes,” Johnny mused, and the two headed to the main residential floor.
-
“All moved in?” Sue mused as she served lunch. Peter smiled and nodded. “Good, and the renovations are going to start tomorrow. You two sure you're okay with using a guest room?”
“Yes, Sue,” Johnny mused. “It's only until the renovations are complete.”
“True,” Reed chuckled and ruffled Johnny's hair as he came in. “How are you feeling?”
“I'm doing alright,” Johnny said, and Peter smiled softly at him. Johnny smiled back. “And yeah, Pete's all moved in now.”
“Welcome to the madhouse,” Ben mused, and Peter chuckled.
“Why, thank you.”
Johnny smiled softly. It felt good, having all of his family under one roof. He hadn't felt this happy in a long, long while. It hadn't been since before the nineteen-year-old sacrificed himself and got stuck in the Negative Zone for two years, two months for everyone else. It felt… oddly good.
He wasn't back to normal—he probably never would be—but right now, he was at least recovering. That was more important than anything.