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Scout and four-year-old Billy stared each other down. Children were great at staring contests. They didn't know to be embarrassed by prolonged eye contact yet and Scout was pretty sure this one had some sort of mutation that kept his eyeballs moist without blinking. The two had been going at it for forty-five seconds now, and Scout's eyes were starting to water. At second forty-eight, they reached out and grabbed at Billy's face, fingers brushing lightly against his little nose, then snatched their hand back and made a fist with their thumb sticking out between their first and middle fingers.
“Got your nose,” Scout teased.
Billy's eyes widened. “No fair, give it back!”
Scout pretended to think about it. “Hmm. Have you been a good boy?”
Billy nodded quickly.
“A really good boy?”
“Yeah!”
Scout looked up at Billy's mother. Marsha was in the kitchen of the house Scout and Hancock had taken refuge in to wait out the radiation storm, which turned out to be inhabited, but in another plot twist, only by a nice single mother and her cute little boy. Scout had immediately holstered their pistols when they saw Billy peeking around his mother's legs, and they nudged Hancock to do the same, who only lowered his shotgun. In his experience, people with kids tended to be the most vicious toward intruders, Scout themself being Exhibit A.
But after an awkward moment, it turned out all right. Marsha said they could all share supper, Scout happily agreed to watch Billy while Marsha cooked, and Hancock volunteered to go back out in the storm and check the perimeter since the radiation wasn't any flesh off his face.
“He's been a very good boy,” Marsha assured Scout.
“Well, all right then,” Scout said. They gently bopped Billy's nose in a movement too quick for him to see. “There you go, sweetie.”
Billy blinked and reached up to touch his face, finding that his nose was indeed back again. Before he and Scout could continue their games however, the front door opened just long enough for Hancock to squeeze in and bar it shut again. He turned around right as lightning flashed, lighting up his face, and Billy made a loud gasp at his first good look at him—their actual first encounter being brief as Marsha had shoved him back behind her skirts before he could see who had come in and Hancock quickly volunteering to go back outside so he wouldn't scare the poor kid.
But so much for good intentions because Billy looked terrified. Hancock shuffled his feet and looked off to the side. He knew it was pathetic to try to pretend he had a “good” side, but on his weaker days he liked to imagine the right half of his face was slightly less damaged than the left. He just hoped Billy wouldn't start crying. Scout didn't need to see a little boy crying, not after everything that had happened with their own son.
“Hey, it's all right,” Scout whispered, pulling Billy into their lap. “That's Hancock. He's nothing to be afraid of, I promise.”
“But he's a really, really bad boy,” Billy mumbled into Scout's shoulder.
Marsha paused in the middle of rushing over to her baby. Scout looked at her, and she gave a little shrug back. That was not the answer either of them expected. Marsha slowly lowered herself onto the living room floor next to Scout, but let them still hold Billy.
“Why do you think that, sweetie?” Scout asked.
Billy looked up at them with wide eyes. “You took his nose and never gave it back!”
Marsha quickly clapped a hand over her mouth to cut off a completely inappropriate fit of giggles and Scout stopped breathing entirely to do the same. Hancock had no idea how to react. He'd heard a lot of shit about his face, but this was an entirely new one. It sure as hell beat crying though, he'd give the kid that.
After a few exercises in controlled breathing to keep themself from dying of laughter, Scout said, “Oh no, Hancock hasn't been bad. I stole his nose on accident, and I've held it hostage ever since.”
If Hancock still had eyebrows, he would have raised one. Now this was some shit he had to hear. Marsha glanced up at him, then cut her eyes over to one of the chairs in the living room. Hancock nodded in grateful understanding and walked over to sit down. Billy watched his approach carefully, then turned back to Scout.
“How'd—” He sniffled a little bit. “How'd you steal it on accident?”
Scout grinned down at him. “Well, it happened like this … Hancock isn't bad, but my Ma is. She's so bad, her name is No-Nose Bobbi.”
“Whoa,” Billy breathed in awe. “That's bad.”
Scout nodded. “Yep. But she's still my Ma, so when she asked me to dig something up for her, I only charged her a hundred caps to do it. I even brought a shovel.”
“You charged your own mother a hundred caps?” Marsha asked.
“Yeah, well, it turns out there were mirelurks in the tunnel, and that's what she really sent me down there to take care of,” Scout said. “I almost died down there with my stupid shovel. If I'd known there were mirelurks, I'd have gone in with my pistols already out, no problem. But no. Ma said she needed something dug, so I strolled on down, carrying a shovel.”
Hancock relaxed into the easy chair, smirking at the familiar tirade. “You ever going to let that go?”
“I brought a shovel!” Scout insisted, then took a deep breath, exhaled, and smiled down at Billy. “Anyway. So I beat off all the mirelurks, and Ma has one of her uh, associates, lend us a robot to do all the actual digging. And then I fought off more mirelurks, a bunch of baby mirelurks, an Alpha mirelurk, and some putrid glowing dead thing.”
Billy crossed his arms, completely unimpressed. “But what about his nose?”
“I'm almost to that part,” Scout told him. “See, we were digging to get into the storeroom of a bad man named McDonaugh. Ma just wanted to steal his stuff, but I thought I could get proof of him doing bad things, like kidnapping and selling people, if I got into that storeroom.”
“Are you talking about Mayor McDonaugh?” Marsha asked. “Of Diamond City?”
“Nose!” Billy said before Scout could reply. “You said you were almost to the nose.”
Scout looked back down at him. “Right. So we dug up into this storeroom and started rooting around, and I found this really nice box. I opened it up, and guess what's inside?”
Billy beamed excitedly. “His nose?”
“Sitting right in there,” Scout said.
Hancock resisted the urge to snort. Too bad he wasn't high for this. Scout could lead him on a damn good trip, making up fun shit like this.
“Then I heard a noise behind me,” Scout continued. “So I pocketed the nose on reflex, drew my pistols, and whipped around. But it wasn't Diamond City security, it was Hancock's second-in-command, and she told me I'd just broken into his storeroom, not McDonaugh's.”
“What'd you do with his nose?” Billy asked.
“Well, I told Ma to go home because I was pretty mad at her for lying to me,” Scout said. “And I went to apologize to Hancock for breaking into his storeroom. But I'd forgotten all about the nose, until after we talked. And Hancock was so cool with his red coat and really nice about letting my Ma off the hook for trying to steal from him, that I decided I wanted him to be my friend. So now I'm holding his nose hostage, and he has to follow me around wherever I go.”
For once, Hancock was damn glad about his ruined skin. He knew if he had his old face, he'd be blushing up to the tips of his ears. Hell, he'd still have ears. “Hancock was so cool with his red coat … I wanted him to be my friend.” Yeah, that was probably going to come back up again in his dreams, the real mushy ones where Scout told him nice shit he didn't deserve and kissed him all over.
“All right, I think it's time for supper,” Marsha said. “Billy, you want to help me set the table for our guests?”
“The chair on the left is my spot,” he declared, all thoughts of Hancock's nose and face in general forgotten.
***
Hancock woke up to the floorboards creaking. His hand wrapped around the butt of the shotgun before his eyes adjusted to the light and he saw Billy tip-toeing toward him.
“What'cha got there, kid?” Hancock asked, letting go of the gun.
Billy crept up to the couch and set Scout's bag on the cushion next to Hancock. He saw movement in the shadows near the hallway and noted Scout peeking into the living room out of his peripherals. They'd offered to be the one to sleep on the couch in the living room, but Hancock had insisted. Even though they never complained or mentioned it, he knew they'd been used to soft beds, fresh food, and hot showers every single day only a few months ago and this new world had been a hell of a culture shock.
“I took Scout's bag while they were asleep,” Billy whispered conspiratorially. “Now you can steal your nose back.”
Movement blurred in Hancock's peripherals again as Scout ducked back into the hallway and pressed both hands over their mouth to stop their laughter. Hancock couldn't see that, but he had a pretty accurate guess of what they were doing, and he knew he was never going to hear the end of this shit when they got back to Sanctuary.
“You know what, kid? Lemme tell you a secret,” Hancock said.
Billy perked up at the promise of a secret, and he clambered up onto the couch, right into Hancock's lap. Hancock stared at the unexpected lapful of small child for a moment. The kid was a brave little fucker, getting all handsy like that.
“Secret?” Billy prompted.
“Yeah.” Hancock gingerly wrapped an arm around the kid to make sure he wouldn't suddenly like, nosedive onto the floor or some bullshit like that. “Thing is, I've known where Scout keeps my nose all along. I just don't want to take it back.”
“Why not?” Billy asked.
Hancock shrugged. “Then I wouldn't have an excuse to hang around anymore, and I'd either have to leave or 'fess up that I like being bossed.”
Billy squinted up at him. “You like when Scout gets all bossy at you?”
“Sure. It's an adult thing,” Hancock told him. “Lots of things you hate now, you'll love as an adult. Like naps and spankings. Those are great when you're an adult.”
“How are spankings—”
“Uh, anyway!” Hancock said a bit too loudly, and he swore he heard muffled giggling from the hallway. “I'm letting Scout hold onto my nose for now, so why don't we put their bag back, huh kid?”
“All right,” Billy said with a sigh.
He scrambled back to the floor, and Hancock caught the light sound of footsteps that meant Scout was hurrying back into the guest bedroom.
“Why'd Scout take your ears?” he asked as they walked down the hall.
Hancock ruffled his hair. “That's another long story, and it's way past your bedtime.”
Billy was just the right height to give Hancock's crotch a curious look. “They take any other parts too?”
Fucking Christ.
“Not yet,” Hancock muttered.
***
Scout invited Marsha and Billy to come live at Sanctuary of course, and upon meeting the gang, Billy promptly announced that Scout had Hancock by the nose but his balls were still safe for now. Danse had a choking fit on his Nuka Cola, Cait declared she like that smart-mouthed little fucker, and Piper very seriously interviewed him for the real story on how Hancock lost his nose. The issue was a huge hit in Goodneighbor.