Work Text:
No more pages for OB consults.
No more rushing to the next delivery or trying to keep up with her clinic schedule, plus juggling department head duties.
No more 5 a.m. alarms. Unless she still wanted to wake up at that time and get a head start, of course.
But more excitement laid ahead. She could still babysit any (or all of) her three granddaughters—Emma, Evelyn, and Jada (Evelyn and Jada were Drew’s daughters with his wife Julie)—if she was free to do so. She could travel without having to book vacation time and no longer had to worry about how to fit in time with her family at Thanksgiving and Christmas. She’d now be free on the days of, and maybe now would be a good time to cook that big dinner.
Retirement.
It felt weird to Janet, to even think about that, even though it was really happening.
She hadn’t even considered slowing down until about eight years ago, and even then, she didn’t want any of her colleagues to think she was getting old and couldn’t keep up. She stayed busy, but gradually began scaling back her hours once Emma was born in 2015 so she could begin experiencing life as a grandmother. Not to mention, it allowed her to provide some extra help while Caitlyn was attending physician’s assistant school. (Caitlyn had successfully graduated and was now working in a pediatrician’s office, not wanting to give up the field of medicine that drew her to nursing in the first place.) She also welcomed more time with Drew, as he had moved back to Chicago prior to Emma’s birth and had changed careers; he was now working as a physical therapist.
She set her retirement date for a very specific milestone: 40 years of practice. Not that there would be anything wrong with going out at 36 or 38 years, but she always liked things to be nice and square. It seemed fitting. But as the date got closer, she shed a few more tears in private, beginning to mourn the close of this chapter of her life. She also felt like she’d kind of miss delivering babies and forming relationships with her patients. She thought of how some babies she’d delivered were now teenagers or adults, some of those baby girls returning to her when they became women and were having babies of their own. She started to wonder if she’d feel lost or bored not coming to the hospital every day.
She sighed as she looked through pictures of her career. Some days, she missed her brown hair. She decided to let it go gray during the pandemic and (mostly) didn’t regret it, especially since Caitlyn complimented it once it grew out and gave her suggestions to make sure she could still look stylish. The first time she put it back in a headband, she realized her daughter was right and commented on how the tables were turning. Now Caitlyn was giving her pointers rather than the other way around. She laughed at the various hairstyles she had in the 80s when starting out as an OB/GYN resident, as well as some of the hospital technology (or lack thereof) that could be seen in the photos. Oh, the days of paper charts.
It was almost time to stop being nostalgic, though, as she heard several sets of footsteps approach her almost-empty office. Caitlyn and Drew were coming to County with their kids to walk out with her one last time. This was the moment she was almost kind of dreading. This time, once she left, there was no going back. Except to visit.
“Place looks good,” Caitlyn said. “I’m really glad we could come here today.”
Janet smiled and went over to her, starting to exchange hugs with her kids and her granddaughters, although Jada just smiled, not knowing what was going on. She was only two, though, so that was OK.
“I am too.” Janet replied. “And thank you guys for coming. Really. I had my parties with my coworkers already, so I just kind of wanted to leave by myself. But in a way, I’m glad I don’t have to. I don’t know…I still can’t believe it’s over.”
“We know, but we’re glad it is.” Drew said. “Cait and I are both looking forward to having you around even more often, and we joked that if you didn’t pack it up now, you were probably going to be here until your dying day as long as you were fit enough to handle it.”
“Grandma, look! I brought you a present!” Emma exclaimed, holding out a bouquet of daisies. “Mom always says how much you like flowers, so we went to the flower shop on our way here. She even let me leave school early to come see you.”
“That’s because you must be keeping your grades up. You’re just as smart as your mom.” Caitlyn and Janet exchanged a knowing glance and small smiles, and Caitlyn tried to remember her successes in school rather than her struggles with grades and motivations when she was a teenager and dealing with being a child of divorce. She had dreams of Emma experiencing the stability that came with parents who had a healthy marriage (she had gotten back together with Sean on Emma’s first Christmas, and they got married a year and a half later), as even though she loved her parents, she knew that telling her story came with admitting that her childhood was not the easiest.
“Am I smart too?” Evelyn asked. “I got a 100 on my spelling test!”
“You are.” Janet assured her. “All of you are doing great things, or will when you’re older. Maybe someday, we’ll even have another doctor in the family.”
“Mom’s kind of a doctor,” Emma reminded everyone. “She wears a white coat and has a stethoscope.”
“Yes, that’s true, but I didn’t go to school for as long as a doctor did.” Caitlyn told her. “Plus, Grandma always had to work really hard to make sure your uncle Drew and I were well taken care of and had nice things. We think she did a good job, though.”
Drew nodded. “I’m just really happy I made the decision to come back to Chicago a few years ago and shift my career. It’s really been helpful for keeping us all connected as a family. Besides, it’s an honor to be here and walk out with you so you don’t have to leave by yourself with a box in hand. Seems kind of depressing, although I don’t know…Cait said you almost wouldn’t have minded if we hadn’t showed up.”
“I’m not sure about that.” Janet laughed. “I think…I think I would have cried harder and drawn attention to myself.” She caught her stammering, noticing she was choking up, and she reached for some tissues. “I never did stop holding on to these. I don’t know how many boxes and packs I’ve gone through in my career. Or at home…but then again, even though I’ll be retired, I’ll still have these in the house for bad days and boo-boos and colds and flu. I didn’t mean to rhyme, but you know.”
“Why are you crying?” Emma asked.
“It’s because she’s sad. That’s why people cry.” Evelyn tried to explain.
“Not always,” Drew chimed in. “Sometimes people cry when they’re happy too. Or when they’re remembering something that was important to them. Evelyn, you don’t remember, but Aunt Caitlyn cried when she was getting married because she was thinking about how much she loved Uncle Sean. Grandma has really liked being a doctor, and she’s going to miss it. But she’s not sad or angry. She loves us, and we’ll get to spend more time with her soon.”
Caitlyn was looking down at the floor, appearing to be holding in her own tears, and Drew put an arm on her.
“I’m proud of you, Mom,” she said when she looked up. “You’ve done so much for so many people, and you’ve inspired a lot of people, including me and Drew. I know I haven’t always told you this or appreciated you, but today I just want to say thank you. For everything you’ve sacrificed and for the role model you’ve been. I’m sure some of your patients and coworkers have thanked you in different ways, but that’s what I wanted to say. Ever since becoming a mom myself, I’ve realized just how hard it is to balance working and family and my own health. Thank you for showing me how it’s possible.”
“And thank you for never giving up,” Drew added. “It wasn’t easy to not see you a lot when we were younger, but when Caitlyn and I first started rebuilding our sibling relationship, we agreed you tried hard. We never wanted for anything and never had to worry about not having our basic needs met, even after you and Dad split up. Plus, 40 years is a hell of a career. I give you credit for making it this far. I know it’s not easy to go, but we hope you enjoy what’s next.”
Emma and Evelyn looked up at Caitlyn, and Emma handed her mom a tissue from the box. “It’s OK to cry if you’re proud of Grandma,” she said. “Dad said you cried when I was born too.”
“That I did. And so did your grandmother.”
Janet looked at her family and then down at the box containing the last of her possessions, including her lab coat. She didn’t want to give it up; it had too many memories and would always be a symbol of pride for her, of all the ups and downs she experienced in her career. Someone else would occupy this office soon enough, and it would contain their diplomas, family photos, and other personal artifacts. That was OK, though. She was ready to make room at home for those cherished items, but an even bigger space would be needed in her heart for all the increased family time and good conversation to come.
“You look ready,” Drew said. “Why don’t we get going?”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “Whenever you guys are.”
She took one last look back before turning out the lights and closing the door one last time. As they left the hospital, she thanked her colleagues for the good luck wishes, and for not applauding or making a big fuss. She told them she’d try to come back and visit, but not too often. After all, 40 years was more than enough time to become too familiar with County, and she didn’t want to get sucked back into the grind.
Waking up tomorrow with nowhere to go would feel weird.
But now she was ready for it.