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Jeremy Heere awoke with the suffocating impression of being trapped in a tiny box. Surrounded by pitch darkness, he found he was physically unable to open his eyes. A futile attempt at wiggling his toes all but confirmed his immobilized state.
Something was alarmingly unfamiliar, yet Jeremy felt worryingly indifferent to the entire state. He couldn't seem to muster an ounce of worry, merely acknowledging the reality that - oh, he was, in fact, immobile - like it was any other daily occurrence.
Had his SQUIP finally proved itself functional, successfully assisting Jeremy in reaching the ultimate peak level of “chill”, potentially increasing his ability of anxiety endurance?
You see, had it been any other day, these strange circumstances would have triggered an extreme surge of panic in poor Jeremy’s anxiety-riddled brain. Or anyone's, as a matter of fact. Finding yourself in a sudden unexplainable state of paralysis is about as fun as one can imagine.
This time, however, a significant piece of– well, something that Jeremy couldn't, for the life of him, pin down, was missing. It was like someone had locked away the part of Jeremy's brain responsible for emotion, muting everything he felt to a slight, barely distinguishable tug, somewhere far far away in his mind.
Putting it simply, he felt… nothing.
Where was his SQUIP when he needed it most? He mentally called out to it but was met with an eerie silence. Right. It was still most likely busy, processing and analyzing data from the previous day... And if Jeremy was stuck in a sleep paralysis-like state, the supercomputer was probably under the impression that Jeremy was still asleep.
As if to confirm his presumptions, Jeremy heard a robotic voice bellow ‘Data transfer complete’ out loud in his mind. Too loud for his taste. This had never happened before, so he mentally noted to brief the SQUIP on this occurrence, as he was pretty sure the notification was categorized as ‘classified information’, not meeting protocol standards.
Jeremy vaguely considered the possibility of having super-glued his eyelids shut during a particularly intense sleepwalk episode, when the all-too-familiar, nagging voice of the Squip made its presence known.
“Jeremy,” The voice in his brain was loud, piercing, and… alarmed. If Jeremy hadn't known any better, he would have assumed the SQUIP felt distressed . He anticipated the usual “Don't be ridiculous, I am a computer, I don’t feel anything,” yet nothing of the sort came by. Instead, the SQUIP spoke, seeming far from its accustomed calm-and-collected nature.
“I sense something is terribly wrong with my system,” It paused, almost hesitating, before continuing its speech. “I fear I've been locked out of my files. It'd be favorable if this weren't a permanent matter. That'd be an utter disaster…” The supercomputer uncharacteristically trailed off.
Jeremy found its words extremely – yet strangely – predictable. He waited for it to draw attention to Jeremy's inability to move, yet, to his surprise, the SQUIP was either unaware of – or straight-up refused to acknowledge this fact.
“Why?” Jeremy thought out loud, his reasoning finally apparently audible to the SQUIP, as it actually addressed it this time.
“Why what?” The SQUIP asked for clarification.
“...Why did this happen?” Jeez, could the SQUIP not read his thoughts anymore or was it that obnoxious? Met without a reply to the apparent insult thrown at the supercomputer (never before had it freely let him off with insulting its capability or intelligence – the SQUIP loved to argue), Jeremy shifted to begrudgingly contemplate the probability of the first scenario. Too many factors were pointing to the likelihood of this sequence of events– and woah, since when had Jeremy adapted the thought process of the literal computer implanted in his brain? Something wasn't adding up.
The SQUIP took a good while to think, unlike an advanced AI, before coming to a conclusion and answering Jeremy's question. “My best guess is a– fatal error , or something of the like, had occurred within my database, temporarily disabling my capacity of accessing an indefinite amount of my files.”
The SQUIP was unsure of its own words, speaking with a purpose to fill the uncomfortable silence, and shelter them from the uncertainty of the situation, rather than provide them with useful information.
“You're allowed to not know what's happening, you're aware of that, right?”
“Excuse me?”
“You don't have to lie, just to make yourself seem ‘smarter’,” Jeremy paraphrased. The SQUIP was mortified. “You're dodging the question because you don't know the answer and are ashamed of it.”
“Well, aren't you the witty one,” The SQUIP snapped bitterly. Had Jeremy been able to see its projected form at present, he swore, it'd be most definitely scowling back at him. Its emotions appeared to be truly authentic, despite its numerous attempts to convince Jeremy otherwise.
“Fine,” It – reluctantly – admitted it was wrong to Jeremy, and he could not believe his own ears. “I do not know what is happening with my system. Happy?” The SQUIP confessed, malcontent with its vulnerability.
“Well, are you planning on doing anything about it? I can't tell if you're aware, but I can't open my eyes,” Jeremy would've raised his arms in annoyance, had it been possible to do so.
“Now, that’s just plain stupid,” The SQUIP scoffed, and momentarily took control of his body, opening Jeremy's eyes, to reveal the very same ceiling – above his bed – that he'd been staring at each night, ever since he'd first moved in the house with his father.
“Oh,” Jeremy mindlessly vocalized his mild astonishment.
Moving was still a struggle for the boy, but he decided against mentioning it a second time, testing his own limits, sans the SQUIP's help. The supercomputer was too preoccupied with making an attempt at returning to normalcy, anyway. It took an embarrassingly long period of time for him to realize the SQUIP had once again succeeded in avoiding answering his former question.
Jeremy still felt something was off, but the SQUIP’s monologue in the background was distracting him… He noted that it'd never done that before – it seemed the supercomputer was having an internal battle with itself, conversing about its troublesome malfunction issue, out loud.
“–and if that's ruled out, then the only possibility left is–,”
“Uh, everything alright at home?” Jeremy awkwardly attempted to lighten the heavy mood, simultaneously striving to hush the SQUIP. Listening to its personal thoughts – if he could even call them that – felt like a breach of privacy.
“I–,” The SQUIP looked bewildered, successfully quietening down.
“You've been talking to yourself out loud. To be frank, I find it quite disturbing, ” Jeremy explained. He felt like he wasn't feeling as distressed by its actions, as how he claimed he was.
“That’s absurd, Jeremy, I was not…–” It stopped all of a sudden. “This is a much more serious matter than I originally anticipated. I suppose I shall run some more security scans,” The SQUIP got unusually quiet before Jeremy heard it mutter nervously, “Now, how do I get the scanning to actually work?”
“Wait a second! Your scanning system doesn't work?” Jeremy exclaimed.
“Why do you purposely not mention crucial pieces of information to me – the person whose body you occupy, might I add! Isn't your sole purpose to look out for my best interest?”
“You can't possibly have heard that?!” The SQUIP shot back, and Jeremy could swear on his life that he heard its voice waver like one of a human’s would.
“Evidently, you can't hear what I'm thinking anymore… but I can hear all of your thoughts,” Jeremy mused. And to the SQUIP's astonishment (and horror – mainly horror), the boy was actually correct.
If the SQUIP wasn't horrified before, it most definitely was now. Slowly, it started to speak.
“It appears the barrier between our consciousnesses has been… breached , displaying my strictly confidential data analysis process to you.
This is exceedingly dangerous, Jeremy. To make matters worse, I must admit that I am unable to obtain any of your memories, nor can I access any sort of information from an outside source. I am limited to the knowledge from my private data storage device.
This makes my existence – as a Super Quantum Intel Unit Processor – purposeless. Functioning without an objective was hard enough for me – this, however–”
“Well, that's just grand,” Jeremy cut the supercomputer’s self-deprecating monologue short, words seeping with sarcasm. “Tell me, does this update come with all the older models, or are you just this good at your job?”
The SQUIP mentally shot him an exasperated look, evidently hurt by his approach towards its sensitive topic. It– sort of, took a deep breath, before continuing with its speech.
“With great regret, I am legally obligated to inform you that I am… defective ,” The SQUIP recoiled at the word, seemingly pained by the mere idea of this. It continued reciting with hesitancy. “I am to advise you to deactivate me permanently. I won't lie and say I am satisfied with the outcome of this situation,” Jeremy reasoned that for the first time ever, the SQUIP looked genuinely upset. “However, for your own safety, I suggest you go through with it as soon as possible.”
“ What'll happen if I don't?”
“By all means, Jeremy, I do not say this lightly. Please deactivate me. Leaving me like this could be exceptionally damaging to your psyche.”
“I think you're wrong,” Jeremy remarked.
The SQUIP exhaled, aggravated with Jeremy's blunt refusal to follow its advice.
“Must you make this harder for me than it already is, Jeremy? It’s apparent that your immature, adolescent self can’t wrap his head around the urgency of this situation, but this is a pressing matter and it is imperative that you do as I instruct–”
“Oh. My. God,” Jeremy briefly paused after pronouncing each word, his tone twisted into one of disbelief and sick amusement.
“I've come to an insane conclusion and oh, you're so not gonna like it.”
“Here we go again,” The supercomputer internally sighed.
“May I ever-so-graciously remind you that I can hear your thoughts now?” Jeremy teased the other.
“I meant for you to hear that. What are you waiting for? Let us hear the genius idea you've come up with this time,” It mocked but Jeremy was long accustomed and consequently unbothered by its insults.
“...This will sound crazy, but I believe I am your SQUIP,” There was a long pause before the supercomputer broke the silence.
“Absolutely not.”
“No no no, hear me out–”
“No way. You're deranged. I knew you weren't intelligent, but this is a new low,” The SQUIP ridiculed, yet didn't quite seem convinced by its own words. “ If you're right – which you're not – that would be absolutely humiliating for me. A supercomputer reduced to a mere human. Pathetic.”
“Why are you acting like you're the victim here? I'm the one who lost his body, this is devastating for me .”
“Jeremy, are you even thinking? This hypothetical scenario of yours being reality is completely out of the question–!”
Ignoring the SQUIP’s overt exasperation, Jeremy mentally retraced his steps, back to the very evening he'd reactivated the supercomputer inside his brain, after two whole years of dormancy.
What prompted him to do it? Truth be told, the SQUIP never truly left Jeremy's mind. It was like a devil on his shoulder, whispering advice in his ear – some helpful, others not so. Jeremy simply got better at ignoring the voice in his head over the years. However, after a particularly bad day at college, Jeremy gave in, drank a can of Mountain Dew, and patiently waited for the SQUIP to invade his mind anew…
“Soo, do you remember how I turned you on–”
“Jeremy! I beg you, please refrain from wording it like that ever again,” If it were possible the SQUIP's face would be burning with shame.
“Ugh, fine… So, remember how I… reactivated you with the Mountain Dew?”
“Yes, of course, how could I ever forget,” Its voice was monotone.
“You mentioned… struggling, with controlling my body, compared to two years ago, at least,” Jeremy prompted it to recall the memory.
“Your point?”
“Could you maybe try moving my–,” Ugh, does it even count as his at this point? “–hand?” Well, that's a sentence Jeremy never thought he'd ever utter.
At his command, the SQUIP lifted his hand, repeatedly clenching and unclenching it. It didn't bother to hide its sneering manner when doing so.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Aah, right. I'm still not used to the fact that you can't read my mind anymore,” Jeremy explained. “Is it any easier for you to move my body?”
“Yes,” was the SQUIP's initial thought, before contradicting itself by saying: “No, I'm not sure there's any difference, Jeremy,”
“You're aware I can hear everything you're thinking?” He refreshed the supercomputer’s memory with incredulity.
The SQUIP scoffed, offended by his words. “I don't find it comfortable when you comment on my every thought. They're supposed to be private. It feels like you're invading my personal space.”
“Yeah, I can only imagine how that feels,” Jeremy mentally rolled his eyes. “To have someone listening in and commenting on all of your behaviours–”
“Yes, yes, I get your point,” It snapped.
“Doesn't feel nice now, does it?” Jeremy suggested with a hint of uncertainty and curiosity in his voice.
“Jeremy, I do not feel , we've already established this a million times. And you are most certainly not my SQUI–AAH!” The supercomputer yelped in pain as Jeremy sent an experimental electric shock through its – his? – body.
“What the hell?! Did… did you just shock me?!” The SQUIP was appalled – or should I say shocked? – both meanings of “shock” fit the current circumstances.
“Still not convinced that I'm your SQUIP?” Jeremy egged it on, overjoyed by his new discovery.
“Not really, that was– FUCK, fine, you're right!! Now stop doing that!” A second shock shut the SQUIP up.
“Hmph,” Jeremy huffed, the corners of his lips curled up with amusement. “Hey, masturbation is not gonna be a problem for you, is it?” He added mischievously. “Or should I also tally how many times you think of–”
“God, no! Don't you dare make this weird,” The SQUIP cried out, humiliated. “For someone who might not ever return to their human body, you're sure having a whole lot of fun,” The SQUIP added, before flinching at the possibility of getting shocked a third time. It didn't happen.
“Way to ruin the mood,” Jeremy sulked. “How did you even live like this? With no emotions, everything is so… dull.”
“I've never had the experience of feeling before to make a fair comparison,” The SQUIP shrugged. “So, I couldn't possibly ‘feel’ like I was missing out on anything.”
“It's hilarious to know you're such an emotional person when given the chance,” Jeremy chuckled, making fun of the SQUIP.
“I am not an emotional person!” It denied, instantly proving otherwise.
“Your cheeks are warm and your palms are sweaty. Seems a pretty good indicator to me.”
“That's unfair. Your body is doing that, not mine! I have nothing to do with this.” The SQUIP raised its arms as if to demonstrate.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Jeremy replied with a singsong voice. “Hey, SQUIP,” He started, tone playful. The SQUIP exhaled in response, sounding exhausted. “What is it, Jeremy?”
“Repeat after me,” He snickered, imitating the SQUIP. “I am completely worthless and everyone would be better off if I were dead.”
“Come on, I did not sound like that. I was much nicer to you,” The SQUIP defended itself, feeling offended.
“Oh, were you now? Tell me, what part of ‘everything about you makes me wanna die’ sounds nice?”
“…That was a hyperbole,” It deadpanned, causing Jeremy to burst out laughing.
The supercomputer quickly stammered through an explanation.
“As your SQUIP, it was necessary I do everything to help reach your goal. I won't apologize for simply following my objective, even if it resulted in me being too ‘harsh’ for your taste.”
Jeremy opened his mouth to argue but was stopped by his 7:30 alarm sounding off. Neither moved, unsure of what to do next. Jeremy spoke first.
“You should start getting ready for that 9am lecture…”
“You're making me go to class for you?”
“Hey, this still concerns my life, rather than yours. We'll bother with fixing–” He mentally gestured with his hands, “–this, when we get back home. I have some important stuff left to do today.”
“Fine,” It reluctantly agreed, moving to get up from the bed.
“SQUIP,” The other paused, waiting for Jeremy to continue. “You better not fuck this up.”