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There was something different about Crosshair when he and Howzer stepped out of the briefing room that Rex had given for them to talk in. Howzer had a datapad in his hand, but that was quickly handed off to another clone that had the same coloured paint as him. He did look upset but not too distraught as he exchanged a few words with the other trooper before they were dismissed with a sharp nod. On the other hand, unlike Howzer, Crosshair’s expression was raw and uncharacteristically open, he almost looked like he was relieved . Hunter expected him to beeline back to them, but once the datapad was gone from Howzer’s hand, the captain turned back to Crosshair and said something just quiet enough for Hunter not to hear.
Hunter watched as Crosshair’s face softened, his lips barely moved with his answer, but there was a slight nod to his head. Hunter watched as Howzer reached out and playfully, playfully, shoved Crosshair by the shoulder. Hunter felt the others stilling by his side rather than saw it, holding his breath as he waited for Crosshair to growl back or even take a swing at Howzer like he used to some of the regs in the mess.
The swing never came.
Or well, it didn’t happen in the way that Hunter expected.
Crosshair shook his head, before he returned the shove with a punch to the shoulder.
A controlled punch, just enough for Howzer to feel something, not enough for Howzer to actually cry out in pain.
A brotherly punch . The kind of punch he'd seen Crosshair giving Wrecker hundreds of times for being too loud too early, or for shoving Lula in his face, or for interrupting quiet time. It was the same kind of punch he'd seen Crosshair give to Tech for messing with his gear and adding 'improvements'. The same kind of punch he'd been on the receiving end of when he'd been overbearing and Crosshair wanted him to back off but still show his appreciation for him.
And Crosshair was giving that kind of punch to Howzer.
Hunter wanted to step forward and make his way over to Crosshair, purely because he wanted to find out what Crosshair had told Howzer to have him behave like that of all things. He needed to know what happened, to satisfy the every growing gnawing urge to drag his little brother back underneath his arm and rub his knuckles into the top of his head. Echo however seemed to beat him to it. He listened to Echo’s footsteps as Echo stepped away from his spot next to him. He watched Echo approach both Crosshair and Howzer.
The captain glanced briefly at the corporal, quickly assessing Echo's appearance before his attention turned back to Crosshair.
' Are you okay if Echo joins us? ' If he strained he could pick up Howzer's quiet question to Crosshair. Crosshair’s shoulders seemed to relax at the question.
"I understand if you don't want me there vod’ika." Echo added in, voice steady. He reached out to Crosshair with his good arm, gripping Crosshair on the bicep. " We didn't do right by you before, but I'll start now. "
Crosshair glanced uncertainly over at Echo.
Hunter ignored how much it hurt that Crosshair was so willing to trust Echo again but still tensed like he expected Hunter to hurt him, or worse, leave him.
Hunter watched as he stared, contemplating his answer before there was a slight imperceptible nod of his head. Acceptance. It was acceptance that was written quietly across Crosshair's features. Acceptance that Echo would be with them, that Echo would do right by him now.
They were so busy trying to survive, to protect Omega, to keep afloat, that Hunter never really let himself have time to think that Crosshair might have been doing everything he could do to survive too. Crosshair definitely wasn’t the same, everything Hunter knew about him, about how he processed his emotions, how he viewed others, it was all wrong now. He was trying to reconcile the image of Crosshair on the shuttle, his brother who once hated regs, gaining comfort from Howzer, of all the people there.
There was something in the way Crosshair looked at Howzer that just didn’t fit everything Hunter knew about his little brother. It was like he was seeing someone else when looked at Howzer. When Howzer held him in a keldabe, Crosshair’s face was raw and open, emotions flitting between panic and fear. The last time Hunter had seen that on Crosshair’s face he was a cadet, just barely five.
There were moments when they were cadets that Hunter could see Crosshair let his guard down, times where Wrecker needed someone beside him to not sugarcoat their words, times where Tech needed to be dragged away from him running himself into the ground. Times where he needed to not be a leader for once and Crosshair stepped up for him . It was why Crosshair had quickly been chosen to be his second-in-command when they were getting ready to deployed.
Because underneath the snark, and the anger, and the fight Crosshair put up. There was one thing important to him, the wellbeing and safety of his brothers.
He was having trouble reconciling all the versions of Crosshair he knew. Cadet Crosshair, viciously defending Tech and Wrecker from regs in the mess. Crosshair during the war, snarky, defensive, but oh so protective over them. Crosshair with the Empire, choosing violence and torture and nat-borns over them. This version of Crosshair, the Crosshair that escaped the Empire of his own volition, rescued the kid and came back to them that seems so friendly with regs.
Hunter was ashamed to admit he didn’t… he couldn’t understand.
Where did this Crosshair come from?
Where was this Crosshair hiding? This Crosshair, who painted a tribute on his armour even if he didn’t tell them for who. This Crosshair who occasionally woke up crying out for someone who wasn’t them. Crosshair who looked at regs and his first instinct wasn’t to rile them up or to start a fight, but was to settle into a position where he could watch their backs, and they could watch his.
There was a lot that they didn’t know about Crosshair’s time with the Empire after they had left him on the landing platform on Kamino, surrounded by nothing but sea water. They didn’t even give him back his rifle. They didn't even know how long Crosshair waited for the Empire. Did he go back to them willingly, beg them to take him? Or did they come and rescue him and did he stay because at least the Empire came back?
Hunter didn't know, and that was the problem.
Hunter didn’t know what changed, but a part of him wished nothing did . The growing ache in his stomach, the one that reminded him that he should be the one over there, watching Crosshair’s back, was combatted by something that sounded like Tech’s voice in his head reminding him that it was only logical, “ if Crosshair wanted them there, he would ask-”
But that would be too easy.
-
Echo was used to being a kih’vod .
He’d been a kih’vod to Hevy when he was a rookie with Domino. He was a kih’vod to Fives, Jesse and Kix when they were folded into Torrent after Rishi. He was a kih’vod to Commander Cody when they got to Lola Sayu, when they lost him.
He was a kih’vod to the vode that were there on Kamino during his ARC training. To Commander Blitz, to Commander Hammer.
A kih'vod becomes a vod'ika very easily, all it takes is a little ribbing and a the urge to protect, and all of a sudden you're protecting someone you've only said a word to once.
“Rule one: we fight together.”
Colt’s rule had stuck with him even then. Yes they were all competing for their position as an ARC trooper, but nothing could’ve shaken the resolve in Echo’s mind back then. They were doing it for their vod . The more ARCs in the field tipped the scales in favour of whichever battalion had them handy.
Colt’s rule struck him now like a burning sabre.
Echo had been lucky enough to never come close to a sabre held to him before, but when he thought about how they’d left Crosshair behind, he thought that his guilt and shame burned the same . He heard from Kix that Krell had held one to Fives' throat on Umbara. Kriff, every time he thought about that hell-hole he wished that he’d disobeyed orders, that he didn’t leave his ori’vode in that mess alone.
They were in a mess now though, weren’t they.
He had been silent, as Howzer walked Crosshair through a brief tour of the Fort.
He vaguely remembered Fort Anaxes when the Bad Batch had saved him and brought him back, mostly the medical bay and the hanger, but just like the others, it wasn’t long before they were gone again, and him along with them. He didn’t have time to explore, or to meet with his ori’vode in the barracks, or to reunite properly with Jesse or Kix or Appo. Instead he’d been eager to prove himself and allowed the Bad Batch to whisk him off.
The Bad batch had really been the first few vod he could actually classify as kih’vode, but not just kih’vode, but vod’ike, little brothers that he could guide and protect, fight with and fight for. Hunter was the oldest, but he was still a good three years younger than Echo, Tech and Wrecker were a half-cycle younger than him, Echo’s eyes almost popped out of his head when he realized their ages. Crosshair was even younger. The youngest batcher.
His littlest vod and Echo had forgotten Colt’s most important rule.
They left him behind .
“Now I don’t know if you’re actually staying.” Howzer was saying as they went past the barracks. “But you could bunk with me, officer’s quarters have a better layout than the barracks and my bunk is at the back.”
Echo was surprised to hear that Howzer was so willing to take Crosshair on board, especially since he saw the way that Howzer reacted at the sight of Crosshair walking down the ramp. There was history between them, most of Howzer’s squad had imprisoned him on Crosshair’s orders when they were on Ryloth. He said it himself, it was unfinished business.
What they talked about really changed his mind, huh? Echo pondered as he followed them. Howzer took them into the officer’s quarters just to show them around.
“You’d have a place here too, Echo.” Howzer added, acknowledging him. “I’m sure Rex would enjoy it, and Crosshair wouldn’t mind a familiar face around.”
“Of course.” Echo answered before Hozwer could change his mind. He wasn’t going to let Crosshair be alone, not this time. He’d make up for being a shit brother, if Crosshair decided to stay, and if Crosshair decided he wanted to go back to Pabu with the others, well… he’d go too.
“I want to stay.” Crosshair broke the silence. “I want to help.”
“Don’t think that you have to.” Howzer said, levelling Crosshair with a firm look that Echo watched Kix use a hundred and one times to keep Jesse in his cot when he was injured.
“I know.” Crosshair wrung his hands together. “But I need to try.”
It reminded Echo of the way that Droidbait used to get nervous about their tests. Like he was waiting for disappointment in the eyes of the people he cared for most. Echo stepped closer to Crosshair, bumping shoulders with him.
Crosshair looked surprised, his eyes going wide and his mouth dropping open, when Echo interrupted him.
“Could bunk like we did on Tibrin?” Echo offered him.
Tibrin was a solid mission, but they had to bunk outside of the Marauder. Echo woke to Crosshair tossing and turning, able to fall asleep without four walls and an entryway that he could watch. Tech was still awake and on watch on the other side of their camp, but Crosshair still hadn’t felt comfortable enough to sleep. Echo had scooted over to Crosshair, pressing his full body from shoulder down to ankle next to him, and they took turns taking watch when Tech went to sleep.
Echo remembered the way Crosshair had dozed, seemingly fighting the urge to fall asleep until he finally did, head tipping to the side until he’d slid down the fallen log they were using as a backrest and his head came to a comfortable stop on Echo’s shoulder. It reminded Echo of the shinies that used to fall asleep on him, Fives, Jesse and Kix during long and tiring campaigns. He couldn’t bear to move Crosshair, so he let him sleep until Hunter woke, to take over, and leaned his head on top of Crosshair’s when Hunter brought his finger to his lips and mimed his silence.
Apparently, he learned later, it was the best Crosshair had ever slept on a mission without four walls on either side of him.
“I…” Crosshair glanced at Echo. “Why?”
“Because it was good for both of us.” Echo smiled. “And I miss my little brother.”
Crosshair went red to the tips of his ears, ducking his head as Hozwer chuckled.
“There’s some time until our scheduled latemeal.” Howzer said, glancing over the bunks. “If you wanted to start a pile no one would judge or bother you. I could tell the others to give you some room, or make some noise before coming in.”
That was… that was more than Echo thought Howzer would even offer, but it seemed that despite their differences, Howzer had taken a shining to Crosshair.
“I think… that’d be nice. Cross?”
Crosshair wrung his hands together in the nervous way he sometimes did when he wanted to ask, couldn’t figure out how, and wanted to default to sarcasm as a response but also didn’t want to push Echo away.
“Cross?”
“Don’t make me say it.” Crosshair hissed.
Echo chuckled at the familiarity of it.
“Of course. Go on, grab a bunk. I need to ask Howzer something and I’ll be there in a second.” Echo gave him a smile.
As Crosshair tentatively left them to go pick a bunk from what was available, Echo turned towards to Howzer to ask a question that had come to the forefront of his mind.
“Be honest vod, he’d be better off here than with the batch, won’t he?”
“I…” Howzer glanced over at Crosshair, watching him with an expression that Echo saw on Rex before when he looked at Ahsoka. That kind of care, it was something that came as naturally as breathing for older vode like Rex, and clearly that applied to Howzer. The captain was attached to Crosshair, despite the stand-off when they arrived on Teth and their past. “I think it’ll take a long time for him to trust them again. It might just be better for him if they just let him heal.”
“Thought so.” Echo mused, with a soft sigh of relief.
Echo looked over to watch Crosshair tentatively pick the bunk that was under Howzer's. He set his pack down tentatively next to the racck and stared at it, like he couldn't believe that it was actually where it was meant to be. Sith-hells, he never wanted to ever make a vod feel like he couldn't have a place with them. He wanted to kick himself for not going back for Crosshair.
"Better go cuddle the shit out of our vod'ika." Howzer said, bumping shoulders with Echo. "He needs it."
"What about you?"
"Gotta debrief with Rex and the others, but I'll come wake you both for latemeal."
"Alright."
Howzer gave him a pat on the shoulder before he left the barracks.
Echo turned his attention back to Crosshair. He was taking off his armour, which surprised him. Though he supposed that after everything Crosshair would want to rest, and if that meant taking off his armour, then Echo would join him, just to make the process easier for him. He made his way over to Crosshair, making sure that his steps were heard as he approached.
"I meant it you know." He said as he came to a stop by Crosshair's side.
"What?" Crosshair eyed him carefully.
"We can bunk like we did on Tibrin." Echo gestured with his scomp to the bunk. "I don't mind... actually, I'd like to, if you're okay with that."
Crosshair was silent for a moment. Echo watched his fingers twitch towards the pouch on his belt that held his toothpicks.
He wouldn't take it back. He didn't want to push and make Crosshair uncomfortable, but he didn't want to make Crosshair feel like the offer was conditional either. Loving your vode, that was never conditional.
Crosshair nodded so quickly Echo almost missed it. It was sharp and short, which Echo learned meant Crosshair would like to do the thing, just that he didn't want to ask for it.
"I've got you." Echo reassured as he started pulling off his armour and gear, stacking it neatly by Crosshair's.
It took less than a minute to dekit before he climbed into the bunk, pulling the blanket over his legs so that they wouldn't be cold against Crosshair. His vod'ika climbed in beside him, still keeping a safe, almost respectable distance from him.
Echo shook his head. That wouldn't do at all.
He reached out and grabbed Crosshair, tugging him close so he could tuck the tall sniper underneath his arm. It was almost like Echo would be the pillow in their cuddle pile. Crosshair stilled under him. Echo waited.
To see whether Crosshair would complain, or push him off.
He did neither.
After a few minutes he relaxed again under Echo's arm.
"Nuhoy, vod. Gar morut'yc." Echo promised.
-
Echo woke in stages.
He registered Crosshair pressed to his side, his lanky frame still leaning his weight against Echo. Knowing that Crosshair was still comfortable enough to lean into him and sleep was good, it gave him that same feeling he got when he and Fives used to cuddle with shinies.
The next was that he heard the low sounds of a conversation around him, the participants deliberately keeping their voices down to not wake him. It sounded like Crosshair and Howzer were talking. He let himself bask in the conversation for a minute, not really listening to the words but just letting himself feel. It was nice to be surrounded by vode again. Being with Rex had given that back to him, the kind of camaraderie that was a part of being a reg.
“Did you want to go to medical, for that?” Howzer asked tentatively. Echo could tell that he'd chosen his words carefully.
He felt the full body flinch that Crosshair gave and shot up just as Crosshair jerked closer to him and snarled defensively.
“No!” Crosshair snarled. He shook his head almost violently. Echo reached out to soothe him, pulling “You can’t take this from me!”
Echo immediately pressed closer to Crosshair, letting out a low, soothing noise.
“It’s okay vod, no one’s going to make you do anything you don’t want too.” Echo reassured him.
“I just thought…” Howzer frowned. “I thought you could have the option, if you wanted it.”
There was an expression on Crosshair’s face as he still held his arm close, like he was fully expecting someone to reach out and grab him, to drag his wrist away from the safety of being pressed to his chest. To take away whatever it was that he was hiding.
Howzer seemed to know what it was.
“Ryker had one too.” Crosshair admitted, ducking his head. “So did Riptide and Shaw.”
Howzer’s expression softened then. He reached out to lower Crosshair’s wrist from his chest.
“Okay, we don’t have to get rid of it.”
Echo didn't quite know why Crosshair seemed to lean so readily into Howzer for safety and trust, especially since they were close to butting heads and throwing punches when they first arrived on Teth, but he assumed it had something to do with the way Crosshair had panicked once he'd gotten back on the ship and taken his helmet off. Hunter had immediately gone into overprotective mode, but it was directed in probably the worst manner towards Crosshair, attempting to crowd him before Howzer stepped and put himself between Crosshair and Hunter.
Echo knew what shell-shocked troopers looked like, but this was different.
Coric, Del, Ridge and Rex had the same kind of look, the one where you make it out but the rest of your squad doesn’t. The kind of look Fives had when he woke up screaming for Cutup, or cursing Hevy for being a self-sacrificing bastard. The kind that Kix had when Jesse was injured in a bacta tank and all Kix could do was wait . It was grief and mourning and fear, and whatever it was Echo had seen it when that clone assassin had tried to kill them.
Echo had a million and one things he wanted to say to him, starting with a good dressing down for trying to sacrifice himself and almost getting thrown off a waterfall and ending with an apology and a promise that he wouldn’t let Crosshair down again. Instead he settled for putting his good arm on the ground behind Crosshair’s back, and pressing further against Crosshair in an almost side hug.
“Whatever it is, it’s a part of you now Crosshair, make it your own.”
Crosshair’s eyes darted towards him, then darted down towards his legs.
“Speaking from experience?” Crosshair drawled, a hint of his sarcasm in his tone.
“If anyone’s an expert it’d be me, right?” Echo chuckled and bumped against him.
There was a smile that pulled at the corner of Crosshair’s mouth and he nodded.
“You’re right.” Crosshair mused, before he sat up and reached out for a tray of food that Echo didn’t notice was there, pulling it over and settling it into Echo’s lap. “Howzer brought us latemeal.”
“You both slept through it.” Howzer said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “And Cross looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake him.”
“Awh you do care.” Echo teased him, just to watch Howzer’s face go red to the tips of his ears and he shrugged.
“Gotta take care of the few vod we’ve got left, right?”
Echo softened. He felt Crosshair also melt slightly to his side.
Howzer caught both of them off guard by shoving a tray of food into Crosshair’s lap as well.
“Eat.”
Much to Echo’s surprise, Crosshair didn’t fuss over the food he was given. Instead, he hesitantly steadied the bowl in one hand, the one that didn’t shake, and started feeding himself with slow spoonfuls of what had to be ration packs. Echo used his scomp to steady his bowl in his lap as he started eating too.
Howzer filled the silence with updates of what happened while they were asleep, that Rex had gotten in contact with some other troopers who were going to be joining them at the fort. Other deserters and rescued troopers, with a promise of some familiar faces. The bad batch were still around, apparently Omega and Batcher were a sight for sore eyes to them, a kid and her pet bringing joy to the troopers who were around kids during campaigns or other missions. Hunter had been the least eager to get along with others, the information making Crosshair shrink in on himself while he was eating. Echo wanted to slap some sense into Hunter.
Yes they needed to keep themselves safe, but the only thing that stopped them from putting into action a plan getting Crosshair back was Hunter telling them “no ”.
They couldn’t change the past, they couldn’t go back and drag Crosshair with them off Kamino, twice . They just had to make do with what they had, where they were now. Which was next to Crosshair, with food in their laps and Howzer chatting to them like a vod should.
It reminded Echo a little bit about Rishi. The quiet of the moon and the way they were learning to go about interacting with one another, or well re-learning how to interact with one another.
Howzer left to take the trays back to the mess with a promise that he would be back.
While he was gone, Echo noticed that Crosshair was staring down at his wrist once more, holding it in his hand and rubbing over a part of his blacks.
"What is it?" Echo asked curiously.
Crosshair must have guessed that he noticed, because he didn’t flinch this time at it being addressed. There was hesitation in his voice as he stopped rubbing his thumb over his blacks. Whatever it was, it was clearly something that meant a lot to Crosshair, if he was hesitating to show it.
He was just about to take back the question when Crosshair peeled up the sleeve of his blacks.
There, on his wrist, in neat, almost clinical looking lettering, were dark lines of a tattoo on his skin. It had healed well, the colour of the ink dark and contrasting to his complexion.
' CX-00 ' was marked on Crosshair's skin.
Echo hadn’t seen that before on Crosshair’s wrist. Crosshair only had three tattoos. The crosshair around his eye, one on the base of his foot where Tech was learning how to tattoo, that Crosshair begrudgingly allowed his brother to practice with, and the third being a small 99 on his shoulderblade, a tribute to his squad. He never had a tattoo on his wrist
"I was one of them." Crosshair said slowly. “Me… Ryker, Riptide and Shaw. We were the first.”
As Crosshair started talking it dawned on Eccho exactly what Crosshair meant.
Patient zero. Crosshair was patient zero for the assassin clones.
Crosshair had been their first attempt at making the clones, the vode , that were hunting them down, that without hesitation killed six good men. More than six good men in the name of the Empire, under the Empire’s orders.
It made Echo feel sick.
He saw the way those clones looked at other vode, how they disregarded everything that being vode meant because they were conditioned to do so. How they were stripped of what made them vode and were turned into weapons instead. He briefly wondered if Howzer knew about it, but remembered that Howzer was the one that asked about it in the first place so that meant that he did . Crosshair hadn’t been the same, whether that was because of the chip or because they left him, he’d changed, and Echo wondered just how much of that change was also because of what Crosshair went through on Mount Tantiss when they’d left him there.
Who knew how long he was there for before Omega was taken there after she was captured by Hemlock.
Months, if not a year by the time he and Omega got out.
It had to be something akin to reconditioning.
Some kind of augmentation process that had vode forgetting who they were, erasing their identities and replacing them with something to be moulded by the Empire, by Hemlock . It had to be something cruel and horrible like that, because Crosshair wasn’t phased by much, admittedly Crosshair was the one who could handle things that were cold and cruel. He was the one who volunteered to do the hard parts so that Wrecker or Tech never had to.
Demagolka. Echo snarled internally. He shuffled closer to Crosshair and leaned into him, more to soothe himself than Crosshair at that stage.
Crosshair seemed surprised by the hug, but he allowed himself to sink into it.
“I’m sorry we left you there. I’m sorry we let this happen.” Echo whispered.
“I’m not.” Crosshair shook his head briefly and he thumbed over the tattoo on his wrist once more. “It… wasn’t good but what happened… it needed to happen. I would have never left the Empire if it wasn’t for what happened.”
Echo had a feeling he wasn't just talking about what happened on Tantiss.
"I was wrong." Crosshair whispered. "And it took him dying to prove it."
The admission was raw and cutting and it was enough for Echo to squeeze Crosshair tighter. Echo didn't know who Crosshair was talking about but he could hear the pain in Crosshair's voice, the way his breathe caught and he hunched over like he was trying to make himself smaller under Echo.
This was his little brother, and Echo would be damned if he left him again.
-
Howzer had seen a lot of shitty, messed up and cruel things since the order went out.
There was everything that happened on Ryloth since Admiral Rampart tried getting rid of Senator Taa and Cham. There was the fact that his squad had arrested them. He had to try, for the veterans that he fought beside, for the vode he had grown so close to over the three years of the war. There was the fact that his vode had called him a traitor, that they listened to Crosshair when the sniper- then commander- instructed them to arrest him, and left him in the cells to rot until those new TK-troopers brought him, Fireball and Nemec to be transported elsewhere.
He didn’t know where Crosshair had gone then.
Howzer just assumed that he went off with the Empire.
Moved on to the next posting.
And he was right.
Something had led Crosshair to turn his back on and betray the Empire.
Howzer took a second from his thoughts to leave the finished trays of food on the conveyor belt that one of the troopers from the 212th rigged up for them to use in their make-do mess hall. He watched the tray go down the line until it disappeared.
Killing an Imperial officer was an impressive feat, especially when Howzer remembered how Crosshair seemed so close to Rampart, how he seemed so eager to please Rampart and make himself useful. There was always tension between them, before Howzer assumed it was because Crosshair was just an asshole.
Now though, he knew better.
It was hard to let your guard down when you feared abandonment and being forgotten at every bend. It was hard to trust in your own men knowing that they were plotting your downfall from the beginning. It was hard to trust your commanding officer when the last one left you behind. Howzer shouldn’t have understood Crosshair’s pain and yet, when he thought about the way Cham looked at him from inside his cell, when Howzer begged him to trust him-
It hurt.
It really fucking hurt.
And Crosshair was doing what he knew best, being a prickly bastard to protect the ones he loved most. Hard to have someone used against you if no one knew you cared about them. Howzer may have been a captain, but he wasn’t stupid. What good was a sniper if he couldn’t protect his squad, when that was his primary role all along? Nothing. And Crosshair must have feared that just as much as he feared losing the bad batch.
Then he learned about Ryker, Riptide and Shaw.
He was shown the tattoo on Crosshair’s wrist when he pulled off his gloves.
He saw the way that Crosshair’s face had turned into fear when he spotted the assassin clone bound and in a chair in front of him. Everyone else might’ve missed it but Howzer noticed the slight flinch when the clone, Ryker , called Crosshair ‘brother’.
He didn’t know the Bad Batch very well, but from what Echo had told them they were a tight knit set of vode that worked specops for most of the duration of the war. It seemed inconceivable to Howzer that they weren't happy Crosshair was back. He felt bad for the jab he'd given.
“ Your squad may trust you but I don't.”
How wrong he was when Crosshair had gone over the edge of that waterfall and he was the first one to throw himself down the cliff side to go get him. Hunter hesitated.
Hesitated!
Howzer may have been wary of Crosshair escaping purely because he knew how things were looking from the inside, but he wouldn't leave a vod behind, especially one that saved him even though they didn't have to. He just assumed that the Bad Batch had welcomed Crosshair back with open arms, maybe a little bit of a discussion, he just didn't realize how bad it was, that they still hesitated to save him.
Crosshair was different now and Howzer owed it to him to acknowledge that change and to treat him accordingly.
Now if only his own squad could do that for him.
Howzer saw the way that he melted when Echo had pressed against him, allowing Crosshair to fully relax for the first time since they arrived at the Fort. He reacted like that before, once, with his 2ic. Visor had been his rock on Ryloth, through all of it, through learning how to interact with civvies, in learning to trust Cham, in finding a family among the people of his home .
-and Visor arrested him, so what did that say about his vode-
Howzer witnessed the behaviour of touch-starved vode before; there were protocols in place. Usually a buddy system implemented by the medical officers to ensure that no vode were left behind. Now that he thought about it, it was usually for vode who lost their batches and felt too guilty to trust anyone else. Survivor's guilt at its worst.
Did Crosshair fall into that category, was he feeling some kind of survivor's guilt? Howzer gleaned some kind of understanding from their conversation about what Crosshair went through on Tantiss alongside the other clones, but he didn't know Crosshair that well. Was it survivor's guilt about the Bad Batch? Or was it something else, survivor's guilt about the clones that he left behind on Tantiss?
Or, as Howzer turned away from the mess and thought about the paint that Crosshair sported, the raptor in gold on his chestplate, was it survivor’s guilt for something else. Whoever it was that Crosshair held close to his chest, he’d lost them too.
“Howzer!”
Howzer startled from his thoughts to see one of the lieutenants, Rys, in front of him, waving a hand in his face to get his attention.
“Howzer, you alright?”
“Yeah-” Howzer waved off Rys’ concern with a flap of his hand. “Just really feeling the day catching up to me.”
And it really was.
Debrief with Rex and the others was rough. They wouldn’t get to bury their dead, they wouldn’t be able to mourn their losses properly. Samson’s batcher was waiting when they arrived. Howzer hadn’t been the one to lead him away when the news broke, but they all heard the wail Soleil let out. They were the last two.
“I heard.” Rys said, clapping a hand onto Howzer’s shoulder. “Have you had a chance to even rest yet, vod?”
And when he really thought about it, between interrogating Crosshair (see: having a reassuring conversation with Crosshair that he wasn’t about to be abandoned yet again), showing him around and getting him situated in the officers quarters with Echo, and then debriefing with Rex, then beelining from the briefing to the mess to get food for himself, Crosshair and Echo-
He didn’t get a chance to really look after himself, did he?
“Not really… no.” Howzer admitted. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his shoulders aching slightly from all his hard work. Now that he thought about it, his feet were kind of sore too, and the water got into his armour and his socks felt gross because of it. If there was one thing he missed about living on Ryloth, it was dry.
“You going to go get bunked up with that new vod’ika who’s been trailing after you and the corporal?”
If Rys noticed his slightly startled expression at the idea of bunking with both Crosshair and Echo, he didn’t comment on it. Howzer mulled the idea over in his mind, wondering if it would actually help Crosshair with settling in.
He nodded.
“If he wants me too.”
“I think he will.” Rys smiled. He ran a hand through his hair, messing up the strands and causing them to fall out of place. “Couple of the Guard are like him, had a bad time with the Empire. I could have them talk to him, if you think it’ll help.”
“I don’t know if it will.” Howzer shrugged. “Kid’s been through things we haven’t. His squad is different.”
And maybe that was why Howzer felt so protective over him despite everything. Knowing the hand that Crosshair was dealt with the Empire, between Rampart, Ryloth, his role in hunting down his own squad, and whatever happened on Tantiss with the mad doctor Hemlock.
Being an ori’vod was tired business. Howzer wanted to get started on putting in place protocol for any of the new vode they brought back from the Empire to the rebellion, with vode like Crosshair and Soleil being the priority. They’d been through so damn much, even the kid probably needed some kind of a safe space.
“They’re vode all the same.” Rys turned his head to look at his men, members of the Coruscant Guard that managed to make it off of Triple Zero alongside their lieutenant and Rex. “You should go rest Howzer.”
“I will, Rys, thank you brother.” He clapped a hand onto Rys’s shoulder and squeezed.
He had two vod’ike to bully into sleeping more and then when morning came they would talk more about Crosshair's place among them, and where he belonged.
With them. The answer was with them.