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He’s still undecided when he hears Sara yell at him to hurry up for the tenth time.
“Simon, you have thirty seconds!”
Simon can hear the frustration in her voice (he almost feels bad for it), and he knows that if he doesn’t step outside in the next minute she’ll leave without him. It would, in fact, not be his first or second time taking the bus because his sister will not wait for him if it means being more than five minutes late.
He makes a quick decision, packs it into his overnight bag, and leaves before he can change his mind.
“We’re going to be late. Again.” Sara tells him the moment he’s sitting on the passenger seat. Simon rolls his eyes while she isn’t looking, busy reversing the car from their driveway.
“It’s a normal dinner. That we do every week.” He reminds her while connecting the aux into his phone “It doesn’t matter when we get there”.
He puts on their collaborative playlist, created and maintained by Felice (which she insisted on calling ‘three passenger princesses (and Sara)’).
“I know, but I also respect people’s time. If they expect us at 7pm, I will be there at 7pm”.
Simon makes a point to look at the hour on his phone. 6:38pm. Felice and Wille's flat is about a 20-minute drive away from their house, and they both know it by heart.
Simon spends the entire drive looking out his window, thinking about his little decision.
After an incredible summer of unbridled happiness, traveling around Scandinavia with their (sara’s) little Volvo, staying in cheap hostels and enjoying each other’s company, the four of them had to go back to reality, which meant back to school.
Even if Wille had abdicated, he still is the Queen’s son. The court instantly rejected his idea of finishing high-school in Marieberg with Simon and Sara. Felice’s parents were equally unimpressed with the idea. However, after days and weeks of pleading and negotiations, they allowed them both attend to a prestigious enough private high-school two towns over from Bjärstad.
The real issue came later, with the fact that it wasn’t a boarding school, which made their parents even more hesitant. Simon remembers Wille’s arguments with his mother, the worst he’s ever seen since the birthday fiasco.
But, thanks to Felice’s incredible persuasion skills and Wille’s insistence, they won. They are allowed to share a flat next town, less than 20 minutes away from the Eriksson’s residence, on the condition that they maintain both their appearances and grades. None of them could believe it.
They officially installed on their little (but not really, fucking rich people) apartment the first week of September. It has quickly turned into Simon’s sanctuary; not only Wille’s home but also their safe space. He knows the others feel the same way.
It has private parking, so people do not see any of them entering and exiting, which had been one of the queen’s conditions. It is usually reserved for Felice’s official driver (again, rich fuckers) or Sara, and she enters it at exactly 6:59pm.
“See? Perfectly punctual” He says as they get off the car. Sara narrows her eyes.
“You’re on thin ice” He chuckles.
Wille is the one that opens the door, wearing his ridiculous ‘kiss the cook’ apron and his most beautiful smile. That smile, all contentment and peace, has been almost constant in his face since the moment they escaped both Hillerska and The System.
“Hej” He says as he gives Sara a quick hug, “You’re on time!” He turns his smile to Simon, and even after all this time, something inside him aches with love. Simon pecks him while Sara sighs loudly behind them and closes the door.
“No thanks to Simon. I had to threaten him again” She comments while they make their way from the entrance to the kitchen, Wille’s loose arm around his shoulder. His boyfriend’s smile turns into an almost smirk. Simon goes to Felice before he can comment. He thinks he hears Sara whispering something to Wille but chooses to ignore them.
He finds Felice with her back to them, just as she is putting their dinner from the pot on separate plates. She looks over her shoulder just as he walks in and smiles before turning her attention back to the table. “Hej”
“Hej, what are we having tonight, chef?” Simon asks while approaching.
“Nothing fancy. Pasta with carbonara” She shrugs nonchalantly.
“Which we made from scratch!” Wille proudly announces. Cooking and baking have become shared hobbies for the duo of best friends, after Wille learned that helping Felice with her recipes helps him stop overthinking. Simon is fascinated by how good they’ve gotten.
“Which means no ketchup, Simon” Sara reminds him. Felice hums in approval and Sara goes to give her a half hug hello. “We’ll set the table”.
“We also made Sangria!”
They eat while updating each other’s on their week, and Simon tries not to moan at how good the carbonara is.
The food is nearly finished, and Sara is rambling about the rude manager at the stables, when Simon realizes the others’ glasses are empty, so he fills them while nodding to his sister to let her know he is listening. When he’s done he looks at his empty glass of water and decides to pour himself some sangria too. Felice has mentioned is their best to this day.
He doesn’t notice Wille is looking at him until he has the glass to his lips. Sara is still talking so he mouths a ‘what?’, his lips touching the glass. Wille shakes his head with a small smile and focuses on Sara again.
Simon does know what’s up.Even though they are all going through processes some are harder than others. They’re all naming and addressing on their personal issues.
Wille’s working on his anxiety, with weekly online sessions with his new therapist, while also looking for some passion to pursue (the downside of having had your entire life planned out for you: once you’ve said ‘fuck that’ you have no clue what the future looks like for you).
Felice has started to stand up for herself more. Her relationship with her parents is even more strained, but she’s coping. She had a hard time getting her friendship with Madison back (who was really mad Felice stood her up and made her go through the New York trip alone with Stella and Fredrika), but they’re on okay terms now. She’s even made a couple of visits.
Sara has concluded that if she cannot save all horses, she will help those she can reach. She spends as much time as possible breaking her back on a stable that specializes in abused animals. Simon knows she probably went through a lot of while getting over August, but she’s never mentioned it.
She and Simon are also working on having a civil relationship with their father. They’ve come to the conclusion that they can’t have a close relationship with him so, for everyone’s shake, they meet him every other week to have coffee and small talk for an hour or two. It’s been okayish.
Which brings Simon’s development: he has begun to see a therapist as well. Only once a month, because they’re still definitely not wealthy enough for weekly appointments, and he refuses to accept Wille’s money.
Even so, she has been of great help. He has unpacked all of the trauma he hasn’t addressed before. He has also accepted he has an excessive savior complex. He’s working on it.
It wasn’t hard to also figure out his fear and extreme rejection of alcohol come from his father’s alcoholism; so, he’s gradually trying to convince his brain drinking isn’t black and white. One half-filled glass of homemade sangria will not get you drunk, nor scream to your loved ones until they cry. This is the third time he’s drinking alcohol, always in the safety of the flat, and never more than one glass, but he feels quite good about it.
“Oh, Wille” Sara’s voice breaks his chain of thoughts “Have you finished that English project?”
“I wish” Wille answers, clearly annoyed “My partner sucks. We have until next Wednesday and she hasn’t opened the shared document once”
“Really?" My group has already submitted it” Felice comments before drinking half her glass in one go. Wille pouts.
“No, you have not” Felice lifts a single eyebrow. “Fuck off” Wille groans. “It sucks that we don’t have that class together”
“Wille” Felice has her Wille-reserved ‘be fucking for real’ face. “We live together. We share half our classes. We have the same group of friends” She does an exaggerated circle with her finger as if to demonstrate her point “If it wasn’t for your obsession with Simon I’d have you physically hanging on me 24/7.”
Sara and Simon laugh while Wille brings a hand to his chest in offense, gasping obnoxiously. “It is NOT an obsession, Felice.” He gives Simon a quick glance “It’s called love. You should give it a try”
The response makes Simon laugh harder, but he notices Felice laugh is not as strong now, feels forced to him. She gives Sara a quick glance. Interesting. He’ll ask Wille later.
Later finds Simon scrolling through his phone lying on Wille’s bed while is his boyfriend’s turn on the shower. He’d do the dishes, but Sara is staying the night as well which means is her turn.
He’s replying to Rosh’ threatening text reminding him they have plans the next day when Wille enters the room, towering his hair with one hand. No one should look this cute on grampa pajamas.
“Hi” He tosses the towel in the laundry box’ direction and then throws himself on top of Simon.
Simon lets out an aborted scream and is about to complain (his boyfriend is getting buffier every day, which is awesome for him, but also ow) but Wille is quick to move into his back, bringing Simon on top of him. Mm, so much better.
Simon places both hands on either side of Wille’s face and smiles down at him “Hi yourself”.
Wille cranes his neck up to give him a long, slow kiss. Simon more than welcomes it. “I’ve missed you” He says as they part, but Simon is not done, so he chases his lips. Wille smiles into his mouth and hugs his waist more firmly. They stay like that for a few blissful minutes.
His arms get tired of supporting himself soon enough, so he gives Wille a last peck before resting his head on the other’s chest. “Missed you, too” Wille begins caressing his hair and, if he was a cat, he’d start purring right there.
Simon believes they’ve never been in a better place. They do not see each other more than twice a week, but when they do there’s a constant ease that wasn’t there before. He thinks it’s the reassurance that they don’t have an expiring date.
He knows Wille believed they would get through everything since they got back together in February, but Simon hadn’t. He had hoped for this outcome, of course, but there had always been a nagging feeling that things would not end well for them, deep within him. He knows it sounds awful, so he never really said it aloud.
But now? Now he sees their future perfectly.
Don’t get him wrong, he ADORES his present. He loves late calls where both of them are doing their respective homework. And the not-so-rare days Wille decides to come pick him up form choir practice to go on a Pizza date. He loves Wille sleeping over at his, Simon’s mother approving smile while listening to Wille’s last cooking attempt over boarding games with Rosh and Ayub. He adores their mandatory dinners with Sara and Felice –just the four of them.
This present is the closest thing to perfection he can think of.
But, for the first time, Simon can see a clear future.
He sees them four graduating and moving to a larger city. Maybe Stockholm. He sees them sharing a little (real) apartment near Sara and Felice’s. He sees college parties, adopting a cat or two, coming to visit his mom on the holidays.
He sees all of it and knows this future is highly likely, which makes the present even better.
“Sara told me something funny” Wille whispers into his curls.
“Did she?”
“She told me you seem nervous today.” Simon feels himself tense. So that’s what she had whispered before. “I kind of agree”
“You do?” His mom and Sara had always told him he wears his heart on his sleeve, that he’s the easiest person to read. He hates that they’re right.
“Yeah” Wille wiggles a little in the way that’s telling him he wants Simon to look at him. He moves to lie on his side so they’re facing each other. “Not a lot, but you were fidgeting a bit during dinner”
He takes Simon’s hand and places their intertwined hands in the empty spot between them. Simon feels himself smiling despite the nerves, because Wille is not.
The Wille he met –Hell, Wille two months ago, would’ve been so worried the moment he saw Simon attitude being out of the ordinary. Now he looks curious but calm, secure enough in their relationship to know nothing is truly wrong.
Simon’s feeling kind of nostalgic in the best way.
He takes a deep breath and forces himself to ask, “Do you know what day it is?”
Wille frowns “Thursday?”
“No, like the date” His boyfriend shakes his head. “It’s November 12th”
He waits for Wille’s expression to change with the realization, but he just looks slightly guilty. “What am I missing? Whose birthday is it?”
Simon shakes his head with a small giggle “Nothing like that. It’s just…” He feels his cheeks warm “Today makes exactly one year since our first date”
“What? No, it’s not!” Wille sits up abruptly.
“Yes, the day we went to Rosh’s game? With the bikes?”
Wille’s face goes from concern to relief quicker than it came. “oh” Simon sits up too so they’re side by side. “I didn’t know we counted that as a date”
“What?” Now is Simon’s turn to be surprised “You literally sneaked out and took a public bus for the very first time just to come see me”
Wille nods “Yeah but Ayub and Rosh were there? And we didn’t even properly hold hands.” Oh yes, Simon is aware that Wille needs physical touch as confirmation for anything.
So what he says next doesn’t really shook him “I didn’t know you thought of the 12th as the day we, you know, began. I always thought it was the 19th” The movie night, where they’d kissed for the first time. And second. And third.
“Yeah, kissing was like acknowledging us for the first time but, like, you can’t tell me you weren’t flirting with me on the football field”
“Of course I was” He tilts his head, thinking “Well, I wanted to and tried not to at the same time. You know how I was” He gives Simon a smile that means he’s about to spiral.
“We’re here now.” Simon reassures him, bringing him back. He’s going to tell him now. “But seeing as I was under the impression today was some kind of anniversary for us” He takes a deep breath to prepare himself “I brought you something”
“Really?” Wille smile widens “I didn’t get you anything. Now I feel bad”
“You haven’t even seen what it is” He says as he gets up to get his bag. He sits across from Wille and hesitates just as he is about to unzip it. “You have to promise not to laugh”
“Simon” Wille caresses his cheek so sweetly, his eyes kind “Why would I ever laugh at something you give me?”
Simon forces himself to keep it cool and says “Because I am not giving you anything. I’m returning it”
He misses Wille confused face because he’s too busy unzipping his bag and taking the item out, but he does hear his little ‘huh?’.
There is a long silence where Wille looks at the orange in Simon’s hand, while Simon looks at Wille’s dumbfounded expression. He bites his lip nervously.
“Is this…” He doesn’t finish the question, but he does extent his arm to touch it as if that will confirm it.
“Your jumper” Simon finishes, still murmuring “Yes”
Wille still looks confused “But I lost this like… I can’t even remember when”
“The day they were going to force you leave Hillerska. On January.” Simon is staring at the sweater now, too. “You left it in class when Jan Olof came to take you. So I took it”
Another prolonged silence. Wille is processing and Simon can see his mind going to twenty directions at the same time. “Why didn’t you- Why are you giving it to me now?” Wille sits straighter. “And why would you think I’d laugh at you for having my sweater? You steal my clothes all the time!” He points at Simon’s torso, which is conveniently covered by one of Wille’s hoodies.
Simon sighs and spills what has been on his mind all day “I know. It’s just… I was trying so hard to get over you, then, and you left the sweater, and I couldn’t stop myself and just took it. “ He risks a quick glance up and finds Wille watching him intensely, as he does every time Simon is telling him anything. “And I told myself I would give it to the next time I saw you, but instead I took it home and putt it on just to smell you.” He frowns to himself. “Which sounds creepy as fuck now”
“No, it does not” Wille firmly interrupts him, grabbing him hand.
“Glad you think so. ‘Cause I kept it under my pillow for days.” Wille chuckles at that, but Simon still doesn’t meet his gaze “And… I was wearing it while I wrote the song. You know, the Hillerska one”
Wille waits for him to continue, but he must notice Simon won’t “Simon, that’s great news to me”
This makes Simon look at him for real, probably with the dumbest look ever “What?”
“I spent all January and half February going insane.” Wille explains “I kept obsessing over what you’d be doing with Marcus; convinced you had moved on so quickly that it meant us hadn’t been as important to you as it had been for me” He sees Simon shake his head in reproach but doesn’t let him interrupt him “I know that’s not true now; that you were hurting just as much as I was.” He closes his eyes to rearrange his thoughts while takes a few deep breaths “I don’t mean to say I am glad you were miserable. Obviously, I hate that I made you feel that way”
“It wasn’t you” Simon says, but with Wille’s unimpressed eyes he has to add “not entirely. We were both on the same page”
“Exactly!” Wille answers brightly. “I don’t like to picture you so unhappy. But I kind of like how, while I was looking at our three pictures and listening to depressing music, you were doing something similar, too. It’s like we were connected even then, you know?”
“I think I get it” Simon responds “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But when we got back together there were so many things happening and I was grounded and there was the curfew and… By the time I remembered it was too embarrassing to not have told you before. You know what I mean?”
“I understand” Wille wraps both his hands around the one he was already holding, which Simon knows is an unconscious motion to soothe them “But I want you to know you can tell me the embarrassing stuff, too. I swear I’ll never laugh at you. Hell, I will probably find them endearing”
Simon nods, and feels the urge to squish his boyfriend and never let him go. Instead, he wraps his arms around Wille again and rearranges them so they’re lying down, cuddling again.
“You’re so sappy” He says, to save some of the pride he has left. Wille huffs and hugs him tighter.
“Like you don’t love it”
“Never said that” He considers for a moment, in their comfortable silence “When you said you thought next week was our anniversary, did you mean you had something planned?”
Simon can’t see Wille’s face, but his tone tells him he’s smirking. “I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see”
And, again, Simon loves that they can wait, that they have time.
All their lives, really.