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The newest research has shown that soulmates are officially connected at four years old. But due to the nature of the connection, people don’t usually notice them until around eighteen. It is a connection of the soul, pure and simple, tuned in to everything about the other person. Everything they feel is being translated across miles and miles, giving their life partner a clear view of the world through the other’s eyes.
The soulmate connection takes time to get so intimate though. It is strengthened over the years as the child grows, like any other part of development. The connection is weak at first, only able to pick up on the strongest feelings the other is experiencing. Physical pain being the strongest of all. To feel anything strong enough to come through the line at such a young age is rare. That’s why when Zoro wakes up screaming and crying in the middle of the night his mother doesn’t know what to do for the young boy.
He is not hurt, there is no blood, and he doesn’t have a fever but the poor thing is agony. He can’t catch his breath over the tears that are flowing down his face as he begs his mother to make it stop.
Eventually it passes, leaving them both scared and confused. The soulmate connection is the last thing that she thinks of, though even with the new research, she is skeptical at first of the possibility. Zoro just turned four a few months ago, there is no way he should be feeling anything. Even if it was possible, what kind of child is experiencing such pain right now ? As Terra pets her son’s soft hair he finally gets back to sleep, her heart breaks for whatever could be the cause of his soulmate’s pain. That poor child somewhere in the world is going through hell.
It doesn’t end that night though. It comes sporadically and gets worse every time it seems. Zoro is confused about what is happening to him. He doesn’t understand why he gets this pain sometimes. He doesn’t know where it is coming from, or what he has done to deserve such pain. Terra can’t bring herself to explain, she doesn’t know how to. She was hoping that when she finally got to explain soulmates to her son it would be because he felt the overwhelming warmth of joy and love blooming through him, not like this.
For three years it gets worse and worse, it comes more often too. With no pattern or other signs before the pain is shocked through Zoro’s system.The pain is all over, he is not able to pinpoint exactly what is hurting him. He tries to fight it off, tries to push through and be a brave soldier like his dad was. His mother is getting sicker and he doesn’t want to worry her anymore.
The pain doesn’t get better. It never seems to stop. Though one day there is a new feeling, something somehow worse than the pain he has endured these years. It's heavy, it feels like his heart is actually breaking in his chest, it hurts in a different way - much worse than the shocks of pain. He is sobbing, he can’t stop it.
The pain still never stops, the waves seem to have more of a pattern now though. It seems like they happen every night and every morning and sporadically during the day sometimes. While the pain is still all over, not restrained to just one part of him - he does notice that there seems to be a constant pressure on his head. Like a headache that is not going away with rest or water or anything he can try.
Before his mother got sick she tried to explain this whole thing to him but it sounded ridiculous. He was feeling pain, what did Zoro being in such constant pain have to do with some other kid that he never met before.
He never got a chance to ask her again.
*****
Sanji knew about soulmates, his mother told him wonderful stories about people loving you with their whole hearts forever and ever. She told him about the connection when he turned four and how when he was older he would feel everything his soulmate felt. That he would feel their smile as they laughed, his heart would flutter feeling their love and the warmth he would feel just in their presence. Those were the things that got him through everyday.
Though she never told him when he would start to feel something, just when he was older. So the sudden wave of despair that comes over him is startling. He didn’t think he could feel much worse in his current situation but he has been wrong before. But this isn’t his feeling, he can tell as much that this is different somehow. It doesn’t pass for days, he feels like his body is stuck in a pit of quicksand and everything is a struggle. Despite the way he feels like he is drowning, he pushes through and manages to ask one of the guards to bring him a book on soulmates.
This isn’t the warm and loving feeling his mother had promised him but it has to be related. Once he gets the book and reads it through, he really really wishes he was wrong.
Soulmates are connected at four years old…strong physical sensations could come through at this stage…pain has been the most frequently observed.
Sanji wants to crawl in on himself. He wants to cry, he is crying. He has barely lived, barely done anything at all…but he has managed to hurt his soulmate. He hopes, he prays, he begs that the abuse he has endured wasn’t bad enough to translate. That his soulmate never actually felt anything. He hopes he hasn’t hurt them too.
Thankfully his worries are soon over, when his sister finally helps set him free and he is out of that cell. His guilt of harming his soulmate is lessened as the beatings are finally done. But now it is time for him to face his retribution. He doesn’t know what his soulmate is doing but the pain he is feeling only reminds him of one thing…and he really really hopes it’s not that . He hopes that his soulmate is not in the same terrible situation as he was. But the pain is constant. It never ends. Even as he sleeps he can feel the exhaustion from his other half. He doesn’t know how much more he can take. But whatever it is, he is worried about his soulmate.
*****
In the midst of his training Zoro starts to feel ill.
He was perfectly healthy a few days ago, there was some pain for a moment but it passed. He hadn’t felt anything from his soulmate in a while, the small ache he felt gave him a little relief to know the other kid was still around.
Koushirou had helped explain more of this soulmate business to him but he still didn’t really understand. Now especially, as he feels weak and tired. His stomach hurts and he feels itchy like his skin is burning.
Koushirou is understandably concerned about how much Zoro can feel at his age. The boy was barely 10 but from what he told him and what he can see now, this was definitely unusual. The symptoms got worse and worse, he tried to eat but nothing was reliving the pangs he felt. It felt like someone was stabbing him in the gut, by the 50th day he couldn’t even keep training. He could barely move. Everyone - Zoro included - was worried about whatever terrible situation his soulmate was in.
By the 80th day Zoro felt like he was actually going to die. The pain was unimaginable and never ending. Even the doctor from the village didn’t know how to help, no one had ever seen such a strong connection in a pair so young. In the end everyone was surprised that they both had survived somehow.
*****
With more of his horrible past behind him Sanji is excited to start building the Baratie with Zeff, the old geezer ex-pirate and famous cook that saved his life. Everything had seemed to be going well, and they were finally about to celebrate their grand opening. But instead of the mixture of joy, excitement and nervousness that everyone else was feeling, Sanji was struck with absolute heartbreaking sadness. He couldn’t stop crying, the lump in his throat felt like it was choking him. He hadn’t felt a heartbreak like this since …
All he could do was feel sad for his soulmate. Wherever she was in the world he wanted to let her know that she wasn't alone, that he understood. Even though it was terrible and he still feels guilty for hurting her, part of Sanji hopes that whatever his soulmate felt when he grieved gives her a small comfort to know that her other half will understand. That when they finally meet they will understand each other fully and equally.
Though maybe he doesn’t understand what his soulmate is feeling, because only a day after feeling like he had lost the only person that loved him again, he was back to the physical pain. But it was different this time, maybe it was just that he was getting a little bit better at identifying the signals but this pain was different than what he had felt before. It felt like weights were piled on top of him, he was tired and his body felt sore constantly. Zeff was concerned for the little eggplant but Sanji managed. Clearly if his soulmate was living this he could stand to feel a fraction of the same thing. He was worried though about what trouble a beautiful young lady could be getting herself into.
Zeff had given Sanji some more much needed information on the soulmate connection. He found out that whatever you felt from your soulmate was only about fifty percent of what they actually faced. Zeff told him this after Sanji expressed the guilt he carried for hurting his soulmate, for making her live through the same shit that life was already putting him through.
Over the next year Sanji is constantly reminded of his soulmate, it is unavoidable. The pain isn’t as much but he can feel the way the young lady’s body aches, she must be so tired. He worries though that maybe he should try to communicate with her ? Something to let her know that he is also still alive. He remembers his mother’s stories about how they can feel each other’s love and emotions. But Zeff unfortunately tells that won’t happen until he is at least 16, even though he has definitely felt emotions before Zeff assures him that it won’t be something he can fully utilize until he is older.
At the misguided and frankly incorrect advice of one of the other cooks at the Baratie, Sanji starts to smoke. Thinking that the small bites of pain from the action will transfer through. No one can say for sure but he hopes and as time passes on he always thinks of his soulmate every time he lights one up. The idea of hurting a lady with anything more serious than a sore throat eats him up inside.
As he gets older though, Sanji does come to enjoy the aches and pains that he gets from the connection. The constant reminder that his other half is still out there and still alive, despite whatever the hell the idiot was putting himself through. Sanji couldn’t wait to meet the asshole and scold him for the amount of dishes he dropped after getting a sharp pain to his arms. It seemed that most of the signals were coming from his arms and his hands and sometimes even his damn jaw.
Zeff was right to say that the already strong connection would just get more attuned as he got older. He was able to vaguely localize the signals but besides that the emotional connection was really starting to become clear. His soulmate is tired, he is angry, he is determined, and he is strong. Sanji can’t wait to meet him.
*****
Zoro could have nearly forgotten about the whole soulmate bullshit. It had taken enough time from his training already and now that he had a promise to keep and he wasn’t going to let him hold him back again. He hadn’t felt a signal in years, nothing as strong as what they had apparently both experienced as kids. He was grateful and maybe a little jealous. Either the bastard was dead or he was living some cushy - well adjusted life now. The small hit of burning in his throat every so often or the burns to his hands that would make him drop his swords were an irritating reminder that the other guy was still around and still bothering him.
As if the physical signals weren’t enough of a nuisance, when Zoro turns 16 the connection seems to deepen in ways he neither wanted or was expecting. Koushirou told him - warned him even - that due to the clearly strong connection he had with the other boy he would be more likely to feel more and more of the other’s emotions as well.
He thought he could just ignore them, push them out of his mind like he did with his own feelings. But it wouldn’t let him. He felt this racing in his heart sporadically during the day, butterflies in his stomach and a burst of excitement. Or he would feel what he could only interpret as anger, it was hot and more familiar. But at nights, when he was finally too tired to keep training he could feel a cold blanket of sadness. It was hard to interpret these from his own feelings, and maybe - selfishly - he felt less alone because of it.
*****
When he turns 16 he knows that he will finally be able to feel more of his soulmate. He knew there was still so much more to learn about the other guy and he was hoping that getting a deeper glimpse into his soul would be the start. But he barely felt anything. He was sure the guy wasn’t dead, he felt the same aches and groans as he had for the last five years. But there was nothing more. He knew the guy had feelings, he had felt those before but there was nearly none now. Everytime he felt a slight hint at something, a warmth blooming in his chest or a lump collecting in his throat it was gone. Replaced with a different fuzzy kind of warmth that sometimes left him feeling a little dizzy. Then there was nothing. Sanji would sigh but continue to eagerly wait for the day he felt something coming from the other guy.
Over the next two years Sanji is no closer to feeling his soulmate's emotions than he was when he was only a kid. The dizzying warmth is becoming more frequent and Sanji is confused at what it could even mean. It seems his days are starting to feel the same, falling into a dulling familiarity. Waking up with a sore body, abusing it more and more throughout the day doing god knows what, and then making himself dizzy, and finally quiet. Sanji had started hypothesizing, making up stories and scenarios for what his soulmate could be doing. What was his deal ? Maybe he was a farmer, working in the fields non stop since he was a child ? Maybe he joined the marines, training in what he was sure was a hellish boot camp ?
But when Sanji is almost 18 he finally gets to feel something. He would like to think of it as an early birthday present for his two years of patience but it leaves Sanji feeling only more worry for his other half. After two years of barely showing an ounce of emotion why was the first thing he was feeling anxiety, this gnawing fear that was almost making him shake. But after a few days another layer started to appear. It was warm, it made Sanji feel like he was beaming with excitement. He could not get a fucking read on this guy that was for damn sure but whatever the hell was going on with him, he hoped he was ok.
*****
While he is on the sea Zoro has too many distractions to even notice the signals anymore. The little knicks on his fingers or the sudden ache to his foot or shin barely get his attention. Though at night when he is alone on his little boat, trying not to freeze, he is grateful for the warm burn in his throat. When he feels himself maybe start to give into his own anxieties he feels the fiery passion to keep going. Maybe after he fulfills his promise he can find a way to thank the bastard.
*****
Sanji will never forget this day. It came out of nowhere - well relative to what he was getting used to and more or less expecting from whatever bullshit his soulmate got himself into. It had been quiet for a day or two, Sanji assumed he was traveling again. He had little proof to go off of but it was clear that the pains were not every single damn day anymore. That there were small breaks but then it would start up again. The burn he could feel in his forearms that he tried to rub out, the strain in his shoulders just beyond where he could reach, the ache in his jaw that made chewing bothersome, the throbbing in his hands that reminded him of his more relaxed life now. But this day, there was more than there had been in a long time. It was a barrage of pain, all directions and all intense. What Sanji had learned to identify as punches to his stomach, and head, a tightening around his wrists that felt so real he had to look down at his own hands.
It didn’t go away, the punches came daily - multiple times a day. To the stomach, to the face, to his ribs.
What kind of shit have you got yourself into ?
As the day went on, four days now since he got initial shock he can feel an all too familiar pain. His stomach cramps, his skin is burning. He tries not to worry himself about it too much, tries to have faith in his soulmate's clear strength - if all the beatings he survived over the years were any indication of his capability. But it isn’t going away. It’s getting worse.
After a full two weeks he can feel pangs in his stomach that aren’t going away. His head is pounding, his throat feels dry as sand and his skin feels like he just stuck it in the oven. He knows what this is.
Even if he is not a weak kid stuck on a damn rock anymore, he might as well be with how fucking helpless he feels. He can tell that wherever he is, his soulmate is starving. It's been almost three weeks now, and if he doesn’t eat soon Sanji fears the absolute worst. The pain is nothing compared to his own guilt, his own anger at the cruel fucking universe to have him feel his love starving. The worst death imaginable for a man and something Sanji swore to never let happen to anyone - let alone someone he loves.
Then it just stops. Out of nowhere the gnawing aching in his stomach finally is relieved. There’s something else though. A warmth was blooming in his chest, not the fuzzy dizzy one that Sanji finally realized was booze, but the warm joy that his mother had described. He was so happy, he smiled thinking that maybe his soulmate was feeling the same warmth. He lit a cigarette just in case.
*****
Traveling with Luffy was insane. Zoro definitely didn't know what he had signed up for but he didn’t regret a second of it. Throughout all their adventures, from fighting the stupid clown to meeting Usopp, one thing was still following him. The small burn in his throat, the ache in his feet, the warmth in his chest. His soulmate was still out there somewhere. The ocean was vast, but he finally had a ship now and if it was meant to be…it would be.
*****
As if the cannon breaking the fucking roof and this stupid Don Krieg showing up wasn’t enough to piss Sanji off now a damn warlord was on his way to the Baratie. As annoyed as he was about the state of the restaurant right now, he noticed the sudden wave of anxiety come over him at the mention of the man. Even if he was also feeling a bit concerned, he has learned over the last 15 years what are his feelings and what are his soulmates and that was definitely not from him.
It was a weird coincidence though. He had no time to dwell on whatever could be worrying his other half right now though. He had a boat to protect.
*****
Back on the Going Merry, Zoro is having a few mixed feelings. He is glad that his soulmate is apparently finally getting his hands dirty and has what Zoro can guess is a real fight on his hands. But he is worried because Zoro knows he hasn’t trained nearly as much as him, what if this is too much ?
The guilt he feels for not being able to protect him is more than he expected. He is strong, he should be there - but where is there ?
He doesn’t have much time to stew in it though, because his rival is finally on his way. The small glowing ship is making its way through the destruction of Krieg’s galleon and Zoro can feel his own heart about to beat out of his chest.
*****
Sanji watches on as this mossheaded idiot from chore boy’s crew stands off against the warlord. He went on earlier about some dream or promise he had made, what a fool to be so willing to risk your life over a dream…
He felt bad for whoever this guy’s soulmate was. It didn’t look like he was with anyone. He wondered if the other half knew how damn stupid he was.
To remind him of his own other half Sanji is overcome with another wave of anxiety as Hawk-Eyes’ small boat pulls up. He feels bad that maybe his soulmates worry is a result of his own stress of this current situation. He can’t do much to taper his own feelings though as he sees the two starting to fight and Sanji grips the railing of the balcony.
What an idiot. Just live. Give up the dream.
What kind of fool would put himself through this for a dream ?
His soulmate would.
The immediate and simultaneous stab he feels to his heart as he sees the swordsman suffer the same has him wide eyed and terrified.
No…
This idiot Sanji saw drinking like a fish at the table earlier was not his other half.
No way..
This swordsman with three blades, one in his tightly clenched mouth was not his soulmate.
No fucking way…
This guy was not the love of his life.
As if to confirm what he is praying isn't true he feels the deep slash across his chest as the blades of both fighters cross. Even worse than the pain of the cut is the wave of shame, of disappointment, of sorrow.
“You idiot ! Get back here now !” Sanji yells out, he is prepared to jump over the railing to save him. He can’t lose him. He just found him, this can’t be happening.
The straw hat kid stops him though, wraps a stretchy arm around him and pulls him back. He can’t get to him. He doesn’t even know his name.
Despite the beating he has already taken he stands up again. Arms out and …smiling as the gigantic blade swings across his chest.
Sanji can feel it. He can feel the way the skin separates, the way the muscles clench, the warmth of the blood on his skin but the coldness as it leaves his body. He can feel it when his heart stops because so has his. Sanji passes out from the pain, nothing he read ever talked about how it felt to feel someone die. Nothing anyone told him or he read could have prepared him for losing his soulmate before they ever met.