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Lord Debling doesn’t like her daemon.
Which isn’t an odd thing considering most people don’t like her daemon, including her own mother.
Penelope herself didn’t like him until very recently. For years she wished she’d wake up and find him a different animal.
Something graceful like Daphne Bridgerton’s swan,
Something smart and handsome like Eloise’s Russian cat,
Philipa’s sugar glider is cute and can go unnoticed, even Prudence’s monkey was more comely and acceptable.
Hell, she would’ve even taken her mother’s snake, for at least she wore it well.
Daemons changing after coming of age was quite rare, but not impossible. But Penelope’s daemon had been stuck in this form even before she presented to society.
And Penelope knew deep down that this was his final form.
She was stuck with her bearded vulture.
For some time Penelope’s method of dealing with her vulture was largely ignoring him. Hoping if she ignored him others won’t take notice of him.
Their interactions were scarce and few, and rarely meaningful, excluding one major fight when she published about Marina’s pregnancy.
It went on like that until that night last season.
“Are you mad? I’d never dream of courting Penelope Featherington.”
“An insipid wallflower indeed. An ugly bird definitely suits your soul.”
Later that night after she wrote her column, she sat on the floor and cried.
Alone, she had no one.
Until her daemon covered her head with his wing in a semi hug.
The feathers were so soft, and for the first time Penelope felt her daemon, for the first time Penelope saw her daemon.
He was all she had, he’s the only one who won’t scorn her or shy away from her. He won’t be disgusted by her ugly parts, because he was her soul,
He was her.
Aiden wasn’t pretty, he was strong, tender, dangerous and a carrion eater.
He was every bit her, the strong, the ugly and the soft.
She might as well embrace it all. Penelope vowed at that moment while burying her face in the feathers on her daemon’s chest that she won’t ignore him from now on, and that she will learn to like him, love him even. After all they were all each other had.
And that’s why she was lying on her back, thinking about why her most serious suitor didn’t like her daemon, and what it meant.
The practical part of her wanted to ignore this. Why did it matter if her husband didn’t like her daemon?
She can see why Aiden might be hard to like, again even her own mother doesn’t like him. Which Penelope thinks is very hypocritical of her, for at least Aiden can fly, while her Perseus can only shed his skin.
She even forced him for years to keep his feathers white, to not dye them red as he wished (something his species did) because according to her it would make him look bloody and barbaric. As if the white feathers would make it easier to mistake him for a swan, thought Penelope with a bitter smirk.
But Penelope let him do it when she got her new wardrobe, and she can admit it suited him better. He didn’t become a demure, beautiful thing, but he looked regal and grand. A bigger than life creature.
Which is probably why she feels hurt over lord Debling aversion to him, she no longer saw him as a source of her shame.
Some time ago she would’ve let it go, moved on because he liked her, pursued her, wanted more with her. It has to be enough.
But what did it mean that he keeps averting his eyes from the bird that was her soul?
That he casts nervous looks in his direction when he thinks she’s not looking?
Colin looks at her daemon fondly, always had, called him silly bird, played with him and even touched his feathers. Something that felt like getting struck by lightning.
But that was before,
He no longer touches or addresses her daemon after she stressed on how inappropriate it was.
But the fond looks didn’t stop, sometimes they’re even accompanied by what she thinks might be longing looks. And she noticed the few times he almost ruffled Aiden’s feathers but held back looking almost pained.
She gets it, she misses playing with Cordelia too. The cockatiel gives her a pleading look that breaks her heart and weakens her resolve every time she tries to avoid her.
But she needed her boundaries, she needed lines that weren’t blurred.
But that didn’t stop her traitor daemon from spending time with the other bird, even flying together at times.
Speaking of her daemon, she looked around knowing that she would find him perched on the window, something they had in common.
He looked at her with his red eyes then flew to stand by her side, Penelope then sat upright and reached her arms towards him until he hopped into her arms.
She started stroking his feathers, something she found calming for both of them.
He purrs “you’re up late.”
“Just thinking.”
“Dangerous thing.”
She smiled.
“Why doesn’t Debling like you?” she went straight to the point.
“I think you should ask him that, even though I don’t care for the opinion of the vegetables eater.”
“Aiden! This is rude!”
“He doesn’t like me.” He said indignant.
“But he likes me.”
Does he? The question in her daemon’s eyes went unanswered.
“He likes the you that you showed him.” He said extending his wing.
“Which is still me.”
“Maybe, but it’s only a part of you. You will have to be that you for the rest of his life and you and I know that’s not all that’s there.”
“We can’t afford to wait for more.”
A wait, then...
“Colin likes me.”
“But doesn’t want anything to do with me.” She said irritated.
“You know that’s not true.”
“He stated that as loudly as possible last season.” She was beginning to get exasperated.
“You aren’t being fair, he apologized, multiple times at that, he worked hard to make it up to us, you forgave him for a reason.” It looked like he was getting exasperated with her too.
“And then what? He learns I’m lady Whistledown and he will look at you just like Debling or worse like Eloise.”
“Colin isn’t Eloise.”
“You’re right, at least I didn’t ruin Eloise’s engagement, he would be most agreeable.” She huffed and stopped stroking the feathers.
“Maybe he will be angry, maybe not. There’s only one way to find out.” Her daemon said looking at her.
“But I don’t want to know, I don’t want for the way he looks at me to change, I don’t want the looks of contempt.” She sounded desperate.
“You love him.” Not a question.
“Not anymore.” She tried.
“This isn’t true.” He knew it wasn’t.
“It doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t feel anything for me beyond friendship, and even if he did, he would reject us the moment he knows the truth, our truth!” she raised her voice in the last part.
Her daemon didn’t say anything.
She wished he had a clever comeback.
“You should go to sleep.”
“What?”
“You have to wake up early for your promenade with lord Debling, the lack of sleep won’t do the bags under your eyes well.”
He sounded like her mother. He sometimes did.
He then hopped off her lap and went to his site by the window.
“Aiden!” she called
But he made a sound that resembled snoring as if asleep.
She shook her head, then laid down and pulled the cover tightly over her.
Before she fell asleep, she thought of yellow feathers, a sweet voice, and how dangerous hope tasted like.