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There's been a lot of things that Zeff never really took into consideration after abandoning his pirate life.
A lot.
First of all, the sudden calmness, which to a regular person would be perhaps considered chaotic, was nothing compared to a typical day on the Grand Line. When he first spent a month on land after his recovery, he quickly realized this was not the way things were going to go- he needed to get back onto the sea, or he would lose his mind. He couldn't even get a good night of sleep without the shifting of the waves below.
That's why he came up with the floating restaurant.
Second of all- taking care of a child wasn't as easy as he expected it to be.
Sure, he knew parenthood itself wasn't a piece of cake. Well, it was in a way, because one could fuck up a cake as easily as they could fuck up a child. A very young, very impressionable and clearly traumatized beyond belief child.
Sanji was just...a lot. If taking care of a regular child was hard, then dealing with him was on a whole other level.
They didn't speak much at first. It wasn't hard to guess why, not with the way the boy's eyes would trail down to his peg of a leg, his tiny lip trembling each time without fail.
That little brat was feeling guilty.
He never brought it up, not wanting to pressure the kid into talking, but the amount of issues the young one was trying to carry on his shoulders was getting obvious. It must have been terrifying, in more ways than one, to experience what they had gone through before even hitting an age with a double digit. To, in the back of that very little brain, hold the knowledge that someone ate their own leg just to keep them from starving. Zeff wasn't a man of many words and didn't know how to deal with any of the emotional bullshit, so he tried to show the kid his support and understandament by other means, like teaching him how to make a proper curry to distract him from a bad nightmare.
It took a while, but the brat started to slowly, gradually, warm up to him, offering more than stiff nods and clueless shrugs, with an uncomfortable grimace and worried glances. With each hour they worked together, their dynamic eased up- while never saying it out loud, the kid clearly appreciated the time Zeff put into explaining each step of a recipe, always bringing a stool next to his cooking station, so the boy could stand on it and see exactly what was being done. He, in return, watched over him during his own tasks, reprimending his mistakes in a rough manner, but not mean spirited- he was just a man of the sea, of course he could seem harsh, that was just the way he functioned.
The child knew that. Furthermore, he himself started to adapt a bit of Zeff's attitude. He definitely accidentaly taught him way too many curse words.
That was just another one of the quirks that came with Sanji- he was adaptable, up to a point that might have been concerning. From his mannerism, to speech, to accent (which during rare moments of exhaustion would change, reminding the ex-pirate of something foreign, almost northern in tone). During the three years of the boy's stay with him, since the accident, his behaviour changed visibly. While sure, he was a bit hot headed and rude before, during their first meeting, after they recovered he would act a lot more shy and reserved, afraid even, usually just agreeing with everything and keeping himself quiet. It was only after a few months that the mood started to shift, his personality turning out to be a lot more than just a shadow in the background.
Zeff, during one of his nightly drinking sessions, wondered if perhaps the boy felt a need to fit in at all cost. He wanted to hope that this change was just a result of him getting more comfortable, that the coldness and rude comments were just who he was, but something in the back of his head denied him the easy way out of his mental turmoil.
He obviously prefered this Sanji to the shaking, starved coward who couldn't even look at him for too long, but despite his own lack of abillities in the "speaking of feelings" departament, he wished the boy would be more honest about himself and just told him what was wrong from time to time.
He would tell himself it didn't matter, he didn't care, as long as the brat could cook, but that was a lie.
That would always be a lie.
Still, he couldn't exactly force the kid into opening up and being vulnerable with him- the last time he truly was, they were stuck on a rock, desperate and hungry, and the little one curled close to him, shivering from cold, too tired to keep on sobbing after finding out about his missing leg.
None of them liked vulnerability after that.
Things got better, though. Sanji was proving to be a bit more social, even if most of his interactions with others were born as an argument. His cooking skills kept on improving and his talent outgrew that of some of their cooks, even if he still needed a stool to reach the upper cupboards. He would even laugh, sometimes, a genuine laugh, that made the corners of Zeff's mouth rise up in amusement.
All in all, things were good.
...until.
"I HOPE YOU STARVE TO DEATH, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING EXCUSE FOR A CHEF!" Sanji screamed, throwing one of the pans across the kitchen, before storming off upstairs- straight to his room.
That was bad.
Sure, Sanji threatening someone with death wasn't unusual. It was more of a daily occurance, really, considering the thirteen year old's short temper. On a regular, a situation like this would not earn even a bat of an eye, but there were certain factors that immediately caused alarms to light up inside of Zeff's head.
Reason number one. The brat stormed off in the middle of meal prep, abandoning the vegetables he had been cutting up for a Coleslav. That, in normal circumstances, would never pass. Sanji was a hard worker, worse than that, even. If he was doing something, he would do it right and finish, sooner breaking his own leg than leaving a dish unfinished.
Reason number two. He disrespected the kitchen equipment, risking destroying a well working pan. Food would always hold more importance to the two of them, but they both payed their fair share of respect towards the tools that helped them in the kitchen. To throw one of them so aggresively? That was a serious offence.
Most concerning of all, however, was reason number three.
Sanji told someone to starve .
This wasn't just an empty word. Sanji and Zeff cowered even thinking about it.
They agreed, silently, on a rule between the two of them, while stuck in the infirmary, barely able to stand up on their own. No one, not even the worst of their enemies, deserved to go through the utter suffering that was starvation. They could kick, hit, throw someone into the ocean, but they would never deny a meal.
Never.
Zeff turned, glaring at Carne, person on the recieving end of Sanji's outburst.
"Fuck did you say to him, you shit-flavoured meat head?" He growled, crossing his arms and raising his peg up, ready to beat some sense into the cook's head.
Carne gulped, eyes wide open and hands waving around angrily.
"How am I supposed to know!? I didn't say shit, that little gnome just exploded over nothing!" He tried defending himself, backing away from his boss's fury.
"Oh yeah? Maybe a solid kick will make you remember, jäkla överkokt biff -" He hissed, stomping towards the escaping Carne, before-
"No, chef, he seriously didn't say anything weird" Patty spoke up, setting his knife down and cocking his head to the side.
Zeff stopped, turning towards him.
"So what? He got a stick stuck up his ass for nothing?"
Patty and Carne both shrugged.
"He's been all pissy the whole week, if you think about it" Patty went on, dumping some of the chopped ingredients into a bowl and going to check the stove.
Zeff's eyebrows furrowed.
Has the eggplant really been acting off that long?
Now that he thought about it...
There has been a lot more yelling, but at the same time, the boy seemed to spend a lot more time locked away in his room in between cooking. While on serving duty, a job he despised but had to accept due to their constant lack of actual waiters, he still cozied up to way too many women- a habit that started around a year ago (there was always this noticable shift whenever he was around anyone of the female gender, the tension he carried around just suddenly disappearing whenever he got to be next to a lady. Zeff laughed it off at first, called Sanji a shitty casanova, but could tell there was something more to it, especially mixed in with how the kid would, in contrast, shrink down and close off whenever approaching a bigger sized man). However, his childlish flirting and puppy dog eyes were comical, almost, with how overdone and fake they looked. Like a really bad theatre performance, done not from a want of the actor, but because of some sort of obligation.
Zeff also, one day, caught the little brat hiding behind a corner, staring at some nineteen year old who came to drop off some spices they ordered for the Baratie. It's been a while since he had actually seen the child being shy, of all things, and the fact it was because of a man made it even stranger. When he tried to question him, Sanji's face just flushed red and he ran away, cursing him out.
Huh.
"...well I'll be damned. Two of you have no clue? No ideas at all?" He asked, reaching his hand towards his mustache and twirling the braid, deep in thought. The peg leg tapped the floor repeatedly, impatiently and, embarrassingly enough for the ex-pirate, worriedly.
This whole parenting thing was going to be the end of him.
"I mean, he's a tween, right? Like bordering on teenager. Maybe it's just puberty?" Carne proposed, leaning against the counter.
Zeff winced.
Ah, he forgot about that part. Fuck.
"Ohhh, so little Sanji is becoming a man! Like you tokd him! He's still small as a shrimp, think he's gonna get a growth spurt, or stay a gremlin?" Patty chuckled, getting a snort out of Carne.
"No wonder he got so angry about all those comments about ladies, fella is really going through it right now!"
Something was still missing from finishing the puzzle, Zeff thought. Puberty would explain a lot, but it just couldn't click for him. Like he was not noticing something...
"Ah, poor kiddo is locked up on a boat all day, he's just pent up! When I was his age, oh let me tell you, I was soooooo down ba-"
Carne shut up with one swift kick to the head.
"Stop being disgusting in my kitchen" The older man threatened, ignoring his worker's pitiful expression as he rubbed the bump on his head.
"I mean, we can just give him a magazine or two, it could help-"
Another kick, this time aimed at Patty, who stumbled and almost fell over from the force of the hit.
"Like hell I am letting you give the eggplant that dirty crap! Speak about that ever again and I'll kick both of your asses!" Zeff shouted, earning a fearful "yes chef!" from both of the morons he, for some reason, hired.
He hated his work sometimes.
He sighned.
"Just- get to work, you lazy bastards. I'll go deal with the brat. Do NOT fuck the food up, or I'll make you two mop the entire deck twice"
The old man stopped midway up the stairs, smirking to himself.
Surely he could afford one more jab.
"Oh, and I better not catch you two lipsing eachother while I'm gone, you fruity bastards. Worse than an old marriage, I swear"
The immediate shriek of terror and protests yelled out so quickly they barely resembled proper words definitely worked to improve Zeff's mood.
Someone had to keep those fools in line.
With that done, he finally procedeed to walk towards a certain someone's room, prepared for the worst.
Sanji's room wasn't that special- they were, after all, on a ship. He did have, however, the privilage of actually having the space for himself, like Zeff, with the rest of the crew sharing a bunk room. It wasn't out of favouritism (not at all, even if everyone else knew the truth), the chef was just under the impression that a growing boy would be better off with his own four walls, for privacy reasons, and also because the rest of the staff were morons and would just teach him something stupid.
At first glance, no one would be even able to tell the room belonged to the kid. It was just so...empty. No decorations, no clothes thrown around on the floor, no posters of the walls, just...nothing.
He tried convincing the brat to actually make the space livable, his own , but it brought no results. Almost as if Sanji just kept forgetting that the room was, in fact, his.
He knocked on the door.
Silence.
Deep breath.
He wasn't going to get irritated, he was better than that.
Another knock.
Another breath.
"Eggplant, open up!" He raised his voice, impatient.
Yeah, no, he was just going to open that damned door.
And so, with a push of the handle and a creak of wood, he entered the younger one's space, glancing into the dark room, with the curtains pulled shut and all the candles blown out.
Complete darkness.
Maybe he wasn't there? Maybe he went on the balcony, or climbed on the roof again despite repeated warnings against it. Maybe he was out front, taking in the fresh air and looking at the sea to calm down. Maybe he...
A shadow shifted in the corner.
Zeff stepped in, closing the door behind him.
"...eggplant?"
No words were spoken in return, but Zeff could hear the small sniffle coming from behind the kid's bed.
Fuck.
There he was.
Curled up on a floor, with his knees pulled to his chest, arms hugging himself and his face hidden. He was shaking, whimpering to himself, looking absolutely miserable.
God.
"...eggplant."
Sanji's head shot up, eyes wide as he stared at the adult, now in front of him, with fear. Genuine fear, with his pupils shrunk and mouth slightly open, speechless.
Zeff couldn't even put in words how much he hated, despised, loathed, seeing this boy, his boy, like that.
What even happened?
With an incredible amount of effort put into keeping his composure and not blowing up, Zeff lowered himself to the ground, sitting down with the kid, bringing them to a similiar eye level.
"I'm not the type of guy to do this crap, but here we go. What the hell is going on with you, kid?" He asked, trying to get his voice to sound, possibly, less harsh than it normally was.
Just because he wasn't used to it didn't mean he wouldn't try.
Sanji shook his head.
"I'm f-fine, you old shitty geezer. Just- just go away, go-" He mumbled out, his hand reaching upwards and towards his hair, fingers grabbing onto the strands.
A bad habit, one which Zeff noticed even back on the rock. He tried not to think about what could have caused it.
This was going to be difficult.
"You realized what you did back there? What kind of chef throws fits like that?" He commented, not out of malice or anger, but because he knew the brat. If anything was going to get him to talk, it would be criticizing him as a cook.
By the way his small fists clenched and how his shoulders tensed even more, he hit the jackpot.
"Fuck off! It wasn't a fit! It wasn't! I'm not throwing a fucking fit!" The child sneered, gaze heating up, determined to deny Zeff's claims.
Bingo.
"Oh yeah? You threw a pan, what do you call that?"
Sanji growled.
"I was trying to hit Carne, so really, it wouldn't get that damaged, because, like, the idiot's head is empty anyways-"
Zeff rolled his eyes.
"It is, it is, but you still messed up, brat. What if we had a rush hour? Think you can just leave your work station like that?"
At that, Sanji quieted down, suddenly looking a lot more embarrassed.
"Not only did you disrespect me, eggplant, you disrespected the food too! What happens when you leave ingredients like vegetables out in the air like that?"
The boy bit down on his bottom lip, eyes turned to the floor, ashamed.
"...oxidation"
Zeff huffed.
"And that leads to-"
"-to a loss of nutritional value and flavour. They should be used immediately after chopping, laying no more than two hours out in the open, and if you can't use them you should place them in a refrigerator or a freezer to preserve freshness" The child recited from memory, automatically, without even so much as thinking about it.
Zeff knew his brat was smart.
For a little while, they both stayed silent, still across from eachother on the floor, no words exchanged. Zeff simply observed, watched every time the little boy lifted up his head to take a peak at him, snapping back down right when he would realize the older was in fact paying attention.
Finally, something broke the awkward air between them.
"... I'm sorry" Sanji muttered.
Despite how barely audible it was, Zeff caught on pretty fast on the honesty with which it was spoken. There was a tone of distress, grief, even, in the kid's voice, this icredible shame that would knock the cook off his balance.
He didn't even care about the vegetables or the pan that much, but Sanji made it sound like this was the biggest of offences he could commit, and it was painful to witness.
"Fuck- eggplant, that's not why I'm here. I- uh..."
Now, here came the problem- how was one supposed to ask a child to talk to them about their possible issues?
If someone had told him, Red Leg Zeff, about four or five years ago, that THIS would be his biggest problem of the day? He would had burst out laughing and then stomped whoever dared to spill such bullshit to death.
How the tides changed.
"Okay. Damn it. We need to have a talk, and those moron downstairs lack enough braincells to do it, so you will listen to me, got it?"
Sanji gave him a hesistant nod.
Yeah. He could do this.
No big deal.
It would be easy.
Just...
"... you're thirteen, and...with boys and girls there is this, like, time when things will...change, sort of? So, you- this is uncomfortable for both of us, I'm sure, eggplant, but you are growing into a man, and I-"
He was cut off with a shout.
"NO! Fuck off, you too!?"
He didn't register it at first, just assumed it to be something a teenager would say from obvious discomfort about discussing such topic, but then he looked at the kid, and...
Oh.
He looked at the kid, and he froze.
There was Sanji, knees finally down, staring at him, and- he looked absolutely devastated .
His lip trembled and his eyes were glassy, squinting and blinking rapidly to try to stop them from overflowing. His nose was red and there was an indication of another sniffle coming through. His expression, overall, was twisted into such a deep state of upset, that it, in a way, almost made Zeff scared.
What made his boy react this strongly?
What did he do wrong?
"Hey, eggplant, don't- tell me what's wrong, you'll give me a heart attack-" He pleaded, lost in confusion as to what could have possibly thrown the boy off, but he just couldn't get it.
Sanji kept on shaking his head, inching away from him.
"No, n-no, I can't- can't say, just go, shitty g-geezer, go-" Sanji repeated like a mantra, over and over, fearfully.
Zeff didn't panic often, but at that rate, he was getting really close to losing it.
"God damn it- eggplant, kid, fucking talk to me-"
"No! L-leave me alone, I can't-!" His little fingers pulled on his blond hair, again, but harsher, with more strenght, causing Zeff to worry he would actually rip them out.
"Why not!?" He demanded, losing his temper despite his best attempts.
He had no clue how to deal with children, and even less of a clue on how to deal with Sanji in particular. It was overwhelming, to be the adult in a situation like this, where he was supposed to be the responsible and knowledgeable one, yet he knew nothing. How did other parents deal with it? How did they know what their children were going through?
Was Zeff really that shit of a pseudo-father?
Was he really that bad?
Was he-
"I can't tell you, b-because you'll throw me away!"
A cry.
Sanji cried, and Zeff had no clue what to do.
He thought he was going to...throw him away?
What the fuck was going on?
"Eggplant, what do you- I wouldn't do that, fuck, just say-"
"No! You will, so just- leave for fuck's sake!" Sanji wiped his eyes furiously, struggling between trying to stay cold and uncaring and, like any child in his situation, being simply scared.
He was so scared. Why was he so scared?
He was scared back on that rock too.
Fuck.
Zeff was not handling it well.
He wasn't much of a softie. In the years of living together, he couldn't even recall how many times he'd kick Sanji, pull on his ear, yell at him and threaten him with pernament dish duty. The thing was, he did it because he knew the kid could handle it- back when the brat was still shy and unsure, he held himself back from those types of behaviour. Some could call him mean, but that was just how he and the brat operated. Snarky remark after snarky remark, insult always gifted with one in return.
Sanji was a strong boy.
Seeing him cry?
It was awful.
The crying always reminded him of that tiny, thin to the bone figure, hidden under his coat, so pale that he had to put a hand to his chest to make sure he was still breathing.
He couldn't go throught that again.
Never again.
And so, Zeff, in a manner completely uncharacteristic for him, stood up, dusting his pants off, stepping towards the distressed boy...
And picked him up.
Sanji yelped, his hands rushing to clutch at Zeff's chef coat, in order not to fall. The older man ignored his reaction, pulling him closer, letting the child's head rest on his shoulder, hugging his scrawny body to his chest. He was thirteen, but when it came to height and weight, he was still tiny enough for Zeff to pick him up like a bag of flour- he would have to check on his diet again, up the meals portions, because he was pretty sure the kid shouldn't be this light.
Speaking of, the brat finally processed his situation and started to attempt kicking him to get out.
No chance.
"L-let me go, you wrinkly old raisin-!" He tried, but Zeff only squezed him harder.
Like hell was he going to let the boy get away.
"Fuckin- listen to me first, eggplant, okay?"
Sanji kept on tossing himself around in his hold, even, at one point, trying to bite him, until after a few minutes, when he tired himself enough to slump down against the chef's body, defeated.
"...whatever." He whispered, exhausted, resting his cheek against Zeff's skin.
He looked so much younger like this, in his hold...
"You're really dumb, eggplant. You're supposed to be smarter than those morons"
Zeff sighned, rocking the child slightly, on instinct. The boy didn't complain.
"I was ready to give my life for you, you imbecile. I insisted to bring you with me. God, eggplant, brat- Sanji , why would I ever want to fucking kick you out? Are you insane?"
Sanji whimpered into his neck.
"What would I even do without you here? You're my sous-chef, idiot, I'm not going to give that job to anyone else- what, you think Patty or Carne could replace you? Please, those two wouldn't be able to tell the taste difference between a duck and a goose! They're helpless!"
The boy chuckled, weakly, but it was enough to calm Zeff's racing heart.
It was working.
"... you're stuck here, at least until you're old enough for me to say you can leave- because you can't find the All Blue locked up here, can you now? But, shit, Sanji, I'm not 'throwing you away'. You are one messed up kid if you think I'll ever do that to you. I want you here, you get it?"
He let his hand brush through the child's hair, gently, and with each stroke he could feel the kid getting limper in his arms, almost as if he was melting from the touch, going as far as to move his head subtly to chase after it.
Zeff wasn't a weak man, but even he wasn't able not to crack even a bit at that.
Poor kid.
His kid.
"It's gonna be alright, boy, don't go around scaring me like that, you brat..."
He let the child sob into the fabric of his clothing, patiently waiting until he let all of it out.
Not in a million years would he have figured out this was going to be his life. He had no clue if he was doing things right, if his approach was correct, but he really was trying.
He wanted to try.
A tiny headshake brought him back to earth.
"...no"
He raised an eyebrow, slightly confused.
"What do you mean 'no'? Didn't you hear all I just said? You-"
Another shake, this time with more energy put into it.
"No, I-...I..."
Sanji kept getting stuck, as if something was blocking his throat, not allowing him to speak. Zeff waited, not interrupting him, not trying to guess.
It felt appropriate to give him a moment.
"I- n-not a boy. I'm not a b-boy"
Well.
Zeff expected a lot, but not that.
"Uh...like, speaking down there or-"
"No you old fart! I- I t-think I'd like to be- ugh, I want to be a girl!" The child forced out, eyes shut tightly to avoid seeing any potentially bad reactions.
And Zeff? He just felt...a bit stumped.
Sanji was always a bit odd, sure, but he assumed the kid's interest in women, for example, was that of a gentelman kind, a little lovesick fool who wanted a girl in a romantic sense, not...
In what? An existential sense?
"...so the female customers-"
"They're pretty! They're really pretty and it's not fair they go on dates with those bums who can't even finish their meals, because if I was in their place I'd totally treat the ladies so much better, but-!"
Sanji blushed, puffing his- her cheeks out.
"I...have been thinking a lot, and sometimes I just think I'd rather...be like them, too"
The child shifted nervously, fingers tightening around Zeff's shirt.
"I...I got angry today, because Carne...he wouldn't stop talking. I should have ignored him, but he kept going, and then he- he said something about me growing into a- a m-man, and I-"
Sanji hiccuped, a few tears falling down her face, onto Zeff.
God, it was so obvious.
Zeff should have known so much earlier.
Of course his kid was a girl!
The manners, the way the kid spoke, moved, interacted with others. The dislike of people calling her a boy, which turned out not be just a child wanting to be treated like an adult-
That reaction of her's to the delivery boy.
Oh, he'll kick that boy's ass.
"...god, eggplant..."
Another hiccup, another cry. Sanji sobbed, hugging him desperately, seeking out comfort despite her fear, like the brave little girl she was.
"P-please, just- don't hate me! Don't hate me, please, geezer, old man- Z-zeff, please, don't let me turn into a boy-!"
Hell.
Zeff put her down, immediately cupping her face, making the girl look up at him.
Her eyes were so big and shiny, so full of hope.
"Eggplant, I won't act like I understand much about this, but- you have my word. I promise"
And Sanji could only respond with the brightest smile he had ever seen on her face.
He really was going to be a shit parent, but by god, was he going to try his best.
Especially for his new daughter.
His äggplanta .