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Joe Chandler wasn’t an animal person. He wasn’t really a people person either, truth be told, but he did a relatively good job of faking it. Pets, though, he didn’t see the point of. He had said on numerous occasions that he had no desire to share his flat with something that should live outside. Pets were messy and unpredictable, and Chandler liked order and control.
Kent, however, missed the animals he had grown up with. They had had dogs and cats and rabbits, and one very interesting summer with a stick insect. Even his old flatmate had kept a hamster. Emerson liked having animals around the place. They comforted him and he liked having something to look after. Every time he opened the front door of the spacious flat he now shared with Joe, he felt like something was missing. The whole place had that ‘too neat’ look. It wasn’t homely, and that bothered him somehow.
It took him about a month to work up the courage to talk to Joe about it, who was very apologetic and insisted that Emerson move stuff around until the place was more to his liking. Framed pictures on the mantelpiece and a tartan blanket over the back of the sofa made things a bit more cosy, but something was still missing.
Kent thought he couldn’t really go wrong with a cat. If Joe was going to take to any animal, it was going to be a cat. Cats were clean and clever and refined. They were little furry versions of Joe, basically. Kent walked around the shelter for well over 2 hours, wanting every cat he saw and feeling quite depressed that he couldn’t take them all. Eventually though, he made his decision; a grey longhaired male who was about 3 years old.
He had been buying cat products on the sly for a few weeks and stashing them in the top of the wardrobe. Joe hadn’t noticed because the bed, scratching post and carrier had been hidden behind his extensive collection of leather overnight bags. Joe wasn’t in when Kent got home, so he made the cat comfortable and then sat and thought of ways to break the news to his boyfriend.
Joe was in a good mood when he got home, thankfully. Kent waited in the kitchen and chewed his thumbnail, hoping to God that Chandler wouldn’t hit the roof.
“There you are,” Chandler walked across the kitchen and hugged Kent tightly.
Kent could feel the moment Chandler saw the cat over his shoulder, because he went all stiff and pulled away slowly.
“You got a cat.”
“Yes.”
“Without talking to me.”
Kent shuffled his feet a bit, “Yep.”
Chandler sighed, “I said I didn’t want a pet, Emerson. I really wish you hadn’t gone behind my back.”
Kent looked away, “I know, and I’m sorry for not talking to you, it’s just, I live here too, and I always had animals growing up. I dunno, I just missed having something to take care of.”
Chandler leant forward and gave the cat a cautious glance. “Is it housetrained?”
“Yes, and he’s a he.”
“What’s his name?”
“I don’t know yet. He didn’t have one at the shelter.”
Chandler took a very deep breath that seemed to last a long time. “I still wish you’d talked to me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not saying I’m happy about this.”
“I know.”
“What brand of cat food did you buy?”
“Er,” Kent was a bit thrown, “Just Tesco’s own brand, for the time being.”
Chandler wrinkled his nose. “You can’t feed him that. First thing tomorrow we’ll go shopping.”
Kent grinned.
The next morning, he walked into the living room to find Chandler calmly reading the paper with the cat asleep on his lap.
“Colin seems quite comfortable,” Chandler said, smiling.
“Colin?”
“Don’t you think he looks like a Colin?”
Kent tilted his head to the side, considering. “Yeah. I think Colin suits him.”
“Good,” Chandler folded the paper and set it down. “I do wish he’d get off me though. I’ve needed the loo for the past half hour.”
“Look at him go!” Chandler laughed as Colin chased the wind up mouse round and round the coffee table.
Kent smiled, “You’ve really taken to him.”
Chandler made a dismissive gesture. “What’s not to like? Oh. Has it stopped working? Let me have a look at that.”
It took Kent a moment to realise that Chandler was talking to the cat.
A month in, Kent slightly started to regret bringing Colin into their lives. Joe was obsessed. Every minute he wasn’t at work was spent playing with, stroking, grooming or talking about Colin. Kent felt like a dick because Chandler was really happy, but he couldn’t help feeling a bit left out.
They were in bed together. He’d convinced Chandler to forgo the pyjamas and things were just starting to get interesting when Colin meowed loudly from the end of the bed. Chandler pulled away and patted the bed, urging Colin up.
Kent was more than a little bit put out. “Er, Joe? We were sort of in the middle of something.”
“He’s padding, look,” Joe gestured to the cat gently kneading the duvet, “look at his little feet.”
Kent flopped angrily onto one side and didn’t speak for the rest of the night.
Whenever they shared a shower before work, Colin sat on the toilet and stared at them through the frosted glass, which of course Chandler thought was amazing and Kent thought was downright creepy. Colin interrupted romantic meals, nights in front of the TV and every sexual advance Kent attempted to make. He was a patient man, but enough was enough.
He waited until Colin was asleep in his domed cat bed (one of Joe’s many extravagant cat purchases) and then quietly shut him in the kitchen. He crept into the bedroom, stripped himself of all clothing, and padded back into the living room.
As he passed the kitchen he glanced at the door. Colin was glaring at him through the glass. Kent pulled back a little, nodded firmly, and opened the living room door.
Chandler was reading a cat book. Kent rolled his eyes before flopping himself across Chandler’s lap.
Chandler blinked a few times. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Kent grinned.
“You’re naked,” Chandler raised an eyebrow.
“Well, yes,” Kent stretched himself out even more, getting comfy. “You see, I really, really want you to stroke me,” he noticed Chandler’s eyes roaming south, “and this always seems to get your attention when Colin does it.”
Chandler smiled, stroking Kent’s tummy gently, “Where is Colin?” He didn’t sound like he particularly cared.
“In bed.”
“He’s very clever.”
“He is.”
“Shall we follow his example.”
Kent licked his lips. “Oh yes, by all means,” he glanced at Joe through lowered lashes, “Sir.”
Colin eventually got used to sleeping in the kitchen.