Chapter Text
It was a cloudless morning, the spring breeze lightly tousling his already dishevelled ivory hair. Sanemi was training right before his crow flocked over to him from nowhere, disrupting his training session and squawking indesipherable shit.
As he got closer, Sanemi clocked the mission documents held in Sorai’s talons. He snatched it from the crow’s feet with a grumbled thanks before he flapped away and Sanemi scanned the details.
Okay, long story short - an apparent lower moon. Shouldn’t be too difficult.
His problem - only couples were reported missing in the town, which meant he wasn’t luring this damn demon out without a plan.
He... needed to find someone willing to be in a fake...arrangement. With him.
He figured a pillar might be his best bet.
Shinobu? No. There’d been an influx of patients recently due to a demon attack not too long ago, injuring many slayers. She’s most definitely busy. Not only that, but even feigning a relationship with Shinobu made him wrinkle his nose at the thought - nothing against her, it feels almost like he’d be betraying Kanae, in a way.
Sanemi impatiently shakes his head, don’t think about her.
Oh, Kanroji. Wait. No. She’s at the swordsmith village. She wouldn’t be able to make it. Besides, nobody has the knowledge of where it’s located. Do the kasugai crows even know where it is?
This is when Sanemi realises there are in fact only two female hashira.
Fuck.
Okay, perhaps he can disguise one of the other pillars as female.
Even then, who’s Sanemi left with now? Iguro? Uh, definitely not. He would not pass as a woman. Himejima-san? No way.
...That leaves Tomioka.
Which is a definite N.O!
Although... Tomioka would make a good candidate, he’d have to admit. He’s got long hair and pretty eyes. A slim face, soft lips and long eyelashes.
...But that doesn’t change the indesputible fact that Sanemi fucking despises that guy! No way, under his own admission, was he going on a mission with that asshat! Let alone be in a relationship with him! Fake, but still! That’s against all of Sanemi’s morals!
But shit, he wonders, who else is there? And now that he’s thinking back, Sanemi is reminded that a number of weeks ago Oyakata-sama had told him personally that he thinks it’s best if he and Tomioka were to strengthen a bond between them. Something about teamwork or the Demon Slayer Corps being a family or whatever.
What bullshit. (Don’t tell oyakata-sama he said this.)
♪
That leads Sanemi to where he is now. Walking to the bastard’s estate. God, this is angering.
This is for the sake of people’s lives, he has to remind himself an inumerable amount of times on the gruelling walk towards Tomioka’s residence.
Once he’s arrived, Sanemi begrudgingly knocks on Tomioka’s door.
After seconds of no answer, Sanemi grows impatient.
“Oi, asshole! Open up! Too almighty to even open the door for a collegue?!” He shouts, banging on the door as opposed to knocking as he did earlier, to no avail.
He seethes, who does this bastard think he is?
Tired of waiting, Sanemi huffs and slides the door open roughly, stepping uninvited into the Water Hashira’s estate.
Slipping off his geta* and looking around with growing curiosity, Sanemi notices the barren state of Tomioka’s home.
He follows a corrodor into a room that must be a kitchen, though it was bleak and lifeless, laying bare of any kind of sustenance. The only indication of someone living there was a tea cup and tea kettle on the table in the centre of the room.
Eyebrow raised and filled with perplexity, Sanemi carried on his exploration. Next, he found another room that appeared to be the water piller’s bedroom.
There was a single futon displayed plainly upon tatami mats in the corner of the room, although that wasn’t what caught Sanemi’s attention. There was a desk on the other side, atoped with ink and a leather book. Hung on the wall beside the desk, was a pouting fox mask with blue eyes and a battered fox mask with a scar along its cheek to its mouth. Despite the interior design being odd, fitting, he thinks, it was definitely w̶o̶r̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶l̶y̶ the most decorated room in Tomioka’s estate.
Smothering his unadulterated curiosity to walk over and flip open what appeared to be Tomioka’s diary, Sanemi stepped out of the room, an unwelcome feeling of guiltiness at breaching Tomioka’s privacy pooling in his gut.
Sanemi having the growing feeling Tomioka wasn’t home, noticed a stream of outdoor light pooling from the tiny slit of a shoji door. He followed it to an engawa* that overlooked a garden of sorts. There, in the middle of said garden was the unmistakable figure of Tomioka, sat criss-cross and unmoving.
“Oi! Asshole!” Sanemi shouted, anger returning to him full-fledged as he barrelled towards the man.
Sanemi grabbed his shoulder and yanked him to face him.
“Shinazugawa?” Tomioka asked dumbly with his eyebrows raised slightly, his features otherwise blank.
“You seriously didn’t fucking hear me shouting out for you earlier?”
Deep azure eyes stared into Sanemi’s lavender. Tomioka looked at him with that ever so blank expression, and shook his head ever so slightly.
“I apologize if my inability to hear has affected you negatively, Shinazugawa.”
What a fucking smartass.
“What is it you needed?”
“You-” Sanemi began, before pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath, “Whatever. Tomioka. I need you to... I need you to assist me on a mission.”
Tomioka’s eyebrows moved an inch higher and he stared at Sanemi without a word, Sanemi glaring back, holding his ground.
The trees around them rustled as wind passed through fickle leaves, the silence upon them palpable, growing more uncomfortable with each beat that passed.
Aggravated, Sanemi grounds out, “So? Yes or no, asshole?!”
“...Okay.” The man before him replies carefully, unsure even.
“Right. Right...Okay. Yeah, hurry it up and let’s-let’s just go.” Sanemi gruffly muttered, stomping away.
The aloof water piller stood and followed behind the wind pillar with silent steps.
♪
It was now midday, and the pair had been running for several hours. The whole time, not a word had been uttered, and the familiar yet tangibly awkward silence surrounded the both of them like a veil.
At last, Tomioka lagging behind, the ravenette finally opened his mouth, speaking in that soft way of his,
“Shinazugawa?”
Sanemi slowed his pace, reluctantly allowing Tomioka to catch up by his side.
“What.” He responded, impatient, as if Tomioka were greatly inconviencing him.
“I’d like to know the mission details.”
Ah. Right. He hadn’t told the idiot the mission details.
Sanemi sighed roughly, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes. He’d really waited all this time to ask? What an inarticulate idiot.
“Look, I need you to act as a woman, we must... feign a courtship.” He mumbled hesitantly, casting his gaze towards a tree to his left rather than Tomioka’s inexpressive eyes, before hastily adding, “the demon, a lowermoon, targets couples.”
Deciding to glance over at the other, Sanemi attemps to gauge his reaction. Or rather, lack thereof.
The ravenette blinked a few times, staring blankly at the ground, before looking at Sanemi.
“The fuck are you staring at, idiot?” He snarled.
Tomioka turned away with an unreadable expression. Perhaps hurt, Sanemi considered briefly.
Whatever. He deserved to be fucking humbled.
Damn, this dickhead angered him.
♪
Another while into their descent, Tomioka spoke up again.
“Shinazugawa.”
The wind piller side eyed Tomioka, questioning him exasperatedly, “What. Now.”
Birds cawed above them as Sanemi stared at Tomioka expectantly, further adding to his inconceivable annoyance.
“I don’t...” Tomioka furrows his eyebrows, seemingly pondering his words, “I don’t look like a woman.”
You do, a bit, Sanemi thinks absent-mindedly, Pretty like one.
Wait, what the fuck?
“Well, you were my only fucking option, bastard. You have long hair, that’s something. Lord knows makeup couldn’t fix that face of yours, but we can try our best.”
Sanemi distantly regrets saying that, though to his surprise Tomioka’s expression remains unchanging and unbothered by the comment.
“I don’t have any...Womanly attire.” He says, tilting his head.
Sanemi focuses his eyes back to the path ahead of him, exaustion suddenly seeping through him.
This’ll be torture.
“We’ll figure something out.”