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The soft sun woke him early that day. It seemed particularly bright for an early January morning, but he put that down to his current condition.
His rut hadn’t started yet but it was coming. He was looking forward to it this year, being the first since he and Cyno had started having sex. They could experiment, hopefully nipping it in the bud as soon as it arrived but otherwise finding the most effective strategy for managing it both alone and together.
No, today he had cramps. Really bad cramps. He’d never had cramps like these before. They were in his hips and his back and his shoulder, even making his head throb badly enough he had rolled over and taken some emergency pain relief Cyno kept in his drawer. He felt heavy and all he wanted to do was to snuggle into Cyno’s arms and go back to sleep. Normally that wouldn’t even wake Cyno, but today the other had jumped at it, staring down at Tighnari as if he hadn’t expected him there at all.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” The other started, looking as if he wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words for it, “... Are you alright?”
“I’m in a lot of pain. So much that I had to take medication and my nose is all blocked up. I’m also really cold. When the medication kicks in, I’ll take my temperature and see if something is really wrong.”
“That sounds like a good plan.” Cyno agreed, “Everything else alright?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t it be? Can we snuggle? Like I said, I’m really cold.”
Cyno nodded, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing his back in a way that made him hum in appreciation. It was helping the pain somewhat, although he wasn’t sure anything could really sort this pain out. It was comparable to being struck by lightning again, but ongoing with both the shocks and the heat afterwards. He could barely think or focus on much else, so Cyno’s next question completely threw him.
“So… This might not be the best time to ask this… but are you still gay?”
“I-... uhm…” He really didn’t need to answer a question like this right now, but wanted to be as supportive as possible to Cyno, even in his current state, “... I love you, regardless. If you want to tell me something, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to stop loving you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved and that’s not going to change.”
“What?”
“What?”
“I actually meant, you’re not a lesbian?”
Tighnari tried to look up to the other but couldn’t stand the light in his eyes, instead burying his head in Cyno’s chest, “Cyno, even if you’re a woman, that wouldn’t make me a lesbian. I’m still a man.”
“So this is just an anatomical change. That’s good to know.”
“If you want to change your anatomy, I have no problem with supporting you and help-...”
“Tighnari. Your anatomy.”
“I’m not…” He stopped for a moment, processing the conversation all at once. Processing what he was feeling. Processing the way Cyno had reacted to him snuggling into him. Then he put a hand to his, now larger, chest, “... Oh. I’m dreaming. That makes sense. It’s odd, I’m still not used to dreams, even though I never wore the Akasha outside the city.”
“This isn’t a dream, we’re definitely awake. I don’t know what happened… Is this something you’d dream about? It doesn’t matter to me, either way, I feel the same way as you. I love you no matter, but if you want to be a woman…”
“Like I said, I’m not a woman. If this isn’t a dream, I want to ignore this until I’m at least not… If this isn’t a dream, can you get me one of Collei’s pads?”
Cyno didn’t reply, instead rushing out of bed to go and fetch the requested item.
Tighnari huddled himself in the blankets, trying to ignore his stomach turning and the weight on his chest. He didn’t want to be a woman. He wasn’t a woman. He didn’t like this at all and not just because of the pain. How was he going to explain this to Collei? How would he explain this to his friends? How would he explain this to the other forest watchers, some who had the same terrible ideals as the old scholar who would see wanting to change back as some illogical thing. Maybe they wouldn’t, maybe they only had those terrible opinions to people who were born feeling that their body didn’t match who they were. He dreaded having to look in the mirror and see himself like this. He dreaded Cyno seeing him like this. Sure, Cyno had already seen him, but he had mainly been under the covers and what if the others didn’t like what he saw?
Then another realisation dawned on him. He was going to go into heat. They couldn’t have sex while he was like this! For all his talk, he did not want to be pregnant! How would he feel when he actually went into heat? Would that go out the window? Would he want it then? Would he mindlessly give into that?
He covered his face with his hands, holding back tears. This couldn’t happen. He just wanted to curl up and die.
“Tighnari, it’s ok.” Cyno shushed him, pulling him up and into a hug, “We’ll figure out what’s going on and we’ll sort it out. If we can’t, we’ll find a doctor to help you. It’s going to be alright.”
“I don’t want this, Cyno.”
“I know. I know.”
He stayed in bed most of the day, Collei agreeing to help Cyno despite not knowing what was going on. They made him soup, with lots of mushrooms and tomatoes, and fetched him hot water, but most of the day he’d spent asleep.
“Hey.” A feminine voice woke him in the evening, looking up to see Kaveh, “It’s not just you, don’t worry.”
“This is awful.”
“I haven’t had the period part… yet… but you’ll be happy to know a lot of people are looking into this. It seems to have affected half of Sumeru city and we haven’t had word from Port Ormos or Caravan Ribat yet to see if it’s gone that far out. So far, they think it’s reversible.”
“Good. I don’t think I could stay like this.”
“A lot of people feel the same. A lot of people thought their relationships had ended too. On the positive side, it seems like there’s been a change of heart around how ‘illogical’ it is to have dysphoria. As much as that doesn’t affect us, it’s nice to know.”
“I guess. I just want this to be over with.” He admitted, grabbing more of the pain relief Cyno had fetched for him, “How are you dealing with it?”
“Well, I never cared about gender. It doesn’t mean anything to me and Alhaitham doesn’t care either, so we had an argument about it and then it was fine.”
“An argument? If neither of you care, why did you argue?”
“God! Don’t get me started! So he said…” Tighnari immediately regretted getting him started, “... ‘What does it matter?’ Like, he didn’t even consider how I might feel about it! I didn’t care but it would have been nice if he had asked first or at least said it in a nicer way! And he was still reading while he said it! As far as I knew he was just pretending to be alright with this whole thing!”
“I’m not sure I want to ask but…” He took a deep breath, suddenly realising his chest was still bare and covering it with the blanket, “... what happened after that?”
“He actually did put his book down, sure, but then he said ‘Kaveh, why would this change anything? At least we both changed rather than just one of us’ - I didn’t even know what was going on with the rest of Sumeru at that point! I had a deadline and was working until he came home!”
“Wait… Alhaitham also changed?”
“God, if he hadn’t I’d be even more annoyed! It’s nice that something actually affected him for once.” Kaveh pouted and Tighnari gave him a moment to collect himself, “Oh… I don’t mean that. I just mean… It would have been worse if only I changed. I’d still love him all the same, like I said gender doesn’t concern me, but he tries so hard to pretend he bases everything in logic and facts that… that…”
“That you think he’d stop loving you?”
“No… That he’d pressure me to change back. If it was just me and it was permanent, I don’t care. I don’t want the stress of having to change and honestly, what a lot of people have been saying, I don’t feel any of that. I don’t care if I’m a man or a woman, or my body is one way or another. I don’t think about it that way. I don’t want to put a label on it, either, but it hasn’t affected me as much as everyone else.”
Tighnari nodded, although he didn’t understand at all, it made him feel a little better to know Kaveh wasn’t struggling the same way as he was, “What about Alhaitham?”
“He said he doesn’t care but wants to get back to his original body as soon as possible. He told me how he feels but that’s not for me to pass on. You know what he’d like, he acts like he doesn’t have feelings.”
Tighnari nodded again, knowing Kaveh was going to keep talking and glad when Collei interrupted.
“Master Tighnari, are you doing alright? Do you need anything?”
“I’m doing as well as I can be.” He replied, smiling at her. He hadn’t realised how much he’d wanted to see Collei until she stood in the doorway, “Thank you for all your help today.”
“No problem.” She smiled, looking back out the door before closing it and joining Kaveh on the side of the bed, “When I’m having really bad cramps, I have some chocolate. Cyno told me it’s not a good idea so I snuck some in.”
His eyes welled with tears again, taking the chocolate and snapping some off for Collei before having some himself.
The three talked for the rest of the evening, Tighnari slowly feeling physically better, before Collei returned to her own room, Kaveh and Alhaitham sleeping on the couches.
Cyno held him close, stroking his hair as he tried to settle back to sleep, “I love you, no matter what.”
“I love you too, Cyno. No matter what.”
Was it a dream? When he woke up he checked his chest - flat - and then between his legs. He was wearing underwear and the pad inside was uncomfortable against him. He gave a small sigh of relief. It might not have been a dream but at least it had gone away quickly. Whatever had happened, he was just relieved to be back in his own body again. With his head now clear, at least he could look on the bright side. He wasn't an uncaring doctor before, nor did he dismiss period cramps as being anything other than terrible, but he'd still be better at his job for the experience. It had also cemented the fact in his mind that he was definitely a man, especially after talking to Kaveh about his feelings.
Kaveh and Alhaitham were snuggled next to each other, Kaveh looking as if he’d had no sleep at all and Alhaitham snoring loudly behind him.
“Are you alright?” Tighnari asked quietly, not wanting to wake the other.
“Do you have ear plugs?” Kaveh yawned, rubbing his eyes, “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Of course I have ear plugs. Give me a moment.”