Work Text:
Another Monday, another day spent lounging around in Chuuya’s living room, waiting for the shorter man to get home. Normally, he’d be waiting for the ginger to get home so he could annoy him, but not today.
No.
Today was a special day, a very special day. For it was April Fools day, and Dazai already had a comical yet low-effort prank prepared. In fact, it was so low-effort that the only preparation he’d needed was to recite some lines. He’d gone over various ways to manipulate the flow of conversation in a way that sounded natural, all in the hopes that he would be able pop the question without arousing suspicion by the end of the day.
Now, normally using a proposal as a prank would be taboo, something to be frowned upon and scorned, but from Dazai’s perspective that taboo didn’t apply to his prank. He and Chuuya weren’t even dating, so there would be no hopes to crush, just scandalised reactions to laugh at.
And hey, if Chuuya did end up being more miffed than expected, Dazai already had something set up to soften the blow. A bottle of Petrus 1964 from France, that he’d bought at auction for over two-hundred thousand euros using Mori’s credit card.
…In his defence, there was no way in hell he’d be able to afford that on his detective salary, and if Mori didn’t want Dazai to use his credit card he should’ve just gotten better at hiding it. Honestly, it seemed as if the old man had started slacking off on his credit-card-hiding duties since Dazai had defected, and that was just no good.
Was using said card a crime? Almost definitely. But it was for a good cause! Besides, what was one more crime to add to his extensive (albeit erased) criminal record? He wouldn’t even be adding really, considering he’d already done it countless times over the years. Besides, Mori certainly wouldn’t be missing the money, so really it was a victimless crime and—
Dazai was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a key turning in a lock. Chuuya was home.
He quickly moved to resettle on the couch, hoping his new position made it less obvious that he had been eagerly awaiting Chuuya’s arrival. He honed in on his phone screen, opening the first game he saw so he could pretend he’d been gaming the whole time.
He ignored both the sound of the door opening and the heavy footsteps approaching the sofa he had laid claim to, letting out a small hiss of disappointment as he pretended to have lost his game just shy of a new high score. He turned off his phone with a huff of annoyance.
A soft chuckle rang out from behind him, making him look up in genuine surprise, he hadn’t realised the gravity manipulator was so close.
“Chuuya!” He called out with a large grin, scrambling to turn over so he could face the other man easier.
“Dazai.” Chuuya replied, sounding a lot less enthused.
Dazai put on his best pouting face, “What took you so long!? I’ve been waiting for hours!”
He reached out for Chuuya, but the mafioso easily evaded his grasp.
“I’ve been at work. Y’know, like you should’ve been.”
“Ah, but I’ve been out of the port mafia for years! My dog is so silly—“
“I meant your job at the agency, dumbass.” Chuuya growled in annoyance, tugging his coat off with far more aggression than necessary, chucking it over the back of a nearby chair.
Dazai blinked slowly.
Right. The agency…
He’d forgotten he had work to do, he’d been so focused on April fools that he’d forgotten that it was a work day.
Ah well, they probably would’ve called him if they needed him! No harm, no foul as far as Dazai was concerned.
“But Chuuya,” he whined, dragging himself off the couch to drape himself over Chuuya’s shoulders, “I had far more important things to do than focus on boring old work!”
“Lazing around on my couch all day does not count as ‘important things to do’, you damned vagabond.” Chuuya rolled his eyes, shrugging the brunet off of him.
Dazai let himself fall limply to the floor, pouting at the shorter man, even if he couldn’t see it.
“I didn’t say it was, hatrack!”
Chuuya snorted derisively, “Oh yeah, ‘cause you’ve been doing so much more than goofing around and playing on your phone all day.”
“I have!”
Chuuya didn’t dignify him with a response this time, instead trekking into his kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine. Some of the cheaper stuff. Dazai may sometimes be a pain to deal with when sober, but he was rarely worth wasting any of the good liquor from his precious collection.
“I have, Chuuya! I’ve been spending all day planning!” Dazai called after him, clambering back onto the sofa so he could see into the kitchen better.
…And because the cushions were far more comfortable than the cold, hard, wooden floor.
“Yeah right, and this plan required you to break into my penthouse? Again?” Chuuya raised a brow at the bandaged man, settling onto the same couch after pushing Dazai’s legs off the seat.
“It did, actually.” Dazai huffed.
“Really now?” Chuuya levelled him with a look of disbelief, sipping from his overly-full glass.
“Mhm! It was very important that I was at your place, the entire plan hinged on it.” Dazai shuffled so he was more comfortably facing his partner, wrinkling his nose in distaste of the wine smell the shorter had brought over.
Chuuya looked at him with poorly veiled intrigue, “The entire plan, huh?”
“Yessir!”
“Care to tell me what that plan is then? If my home is so important for it to work, I should probably be informed, no?”
Dazai made a big show of raising a finger to his chin and tilting his head with a hum, pretending to consider it. Of course, Chuuya would find out later regardless, but did he want to unleash his prank so soon…?
“I’ll tell you if you make me a nice dinner… something with crab in it.” He settled on, batting his eyelashes at Chuuya.
The mafioso let out an exasperated groan, placing his already half empty wine glass on a nearby table. He pressed two fingers to his brow, as if warding off an incoming headache.
“…Pretty please?” Dazai tacked on.
Slowly standing, the ginger shuffled off to the kitchen, “‘Course you’d want something outta this, nothing’s ever easy with you, is it?”
Dazai barely stifled a laugh.
“Bet there’s not even a plan, and you just wanna get some free food outta me.” Chuuya grumbled, nonetheless gathering the ingredients for a simple Crab Cream Korokke.
“Aw, you know me so well! However, I do promise that’s not the case this time, slug.” Dazai put on his most honest look, which Chuuya ignored in favour of preparing the food Dazai wanted so much.
“Yeah, yeah, go entertain yourself so I can focus on making this for you then.” He shooed him away.
So Dazai did, for once listening to his pipsqueak partner, taking out his phone and deciding to actually play the game he’d opened when Chuuya came in. It was a simple bike racing game with minimal controls, which made it difficult to reach higher scores or get past the harder levels. Dazai had pretty much beat the game when it came to levels, only having one or two left, and he didn’t feel like finishing them now, so he settled on the endless mode, hoping to get far enough to beat his personal best.
He actually managed to get pretty far, but his bike flipped at a score of about twenty-thousand, and before he could hit ‘Play Again’ Chuuya had placed dinner on the table. Dazai perked up curiously, watching his partner place the two plates he had on opposite sides of the table. A perfect ‘romantic’ set up for his prank, and Dazai didn’t have to lift a finger!
He scrambled to his feet, abandoning his phone to the couch as he approached the table with the curious conduct of a puppy that was being introduced to a new food. His eyes lit up as he spotted the promised crab dish he’d asked for, though he can’t help but grimace at the sight of lettuce and tomatoes also adorning his plate.
He sat with a surprising amount of grace, and immediately shoved the first crab korokke into his mouth, not bothering to use the utensils provided. Chuuya gave him a disgusted look, batting the back of his head gently.
“That’s so gross mackerel, have your table manners seriously gotten worse since you left? You could’ve at least considered using the chopsticks I left out for you!”
“I will!” Dazai whined, “I just prefer to use my bare hands for korokke, I’ll use the chopsticks for the…” he made an exaggerated face of disgust, miming a gag “…vegetables.”
Chuuya gave him an unimpressed glare, “You better eat everything on that plate Dazai, I gave you a manageable portion, even with your pseudo-picky-eating habits.”
“Pseudo-picky-eating?”
“Gin told me about you eating that dog food at the station, I have no clue how you can stomach that and not carrots.” Chuuya finally took his own seat at the table, using his chopsticks to cut off more manageable portions of the korokke.
Mouth half-full, Dazai attempted to defend his honour, “Carrots are the work of the devil!”
“Uh-huh…” Chuuya drawled, having given up long ago on telling Dazai to not speak with his mouth full.
“I’m serious Chuuya! No food should be both the bad side of crunchy and the bad side of soft! It just feels like you’re biting into something stale — not even its flavour can save it ‘cause thats bad too!” Dazai smacked the table indignantly.
“Oh, but dog food is so much better is it?”
“Well— no— but—!”
“I’m listening.”
“I only ate it out of spite, Chuuya!”
“Mhm… and you call me a dog.”
They spent the rest of the meal making small talk, never quite falling into complete silence, but never uncomfortable either. As Chuuya finished the last of his meal, using the last piece of lettuce to scoop up any small morsels of food that had fallen onto his plate, he glanced over to see how Dazai was doing. The bandaged man had finished all of his korokke, but still had quite a bit of food on his plate, pushing around the tomatoes with a look of thinly veiled disgust.
Chuuya let out a small sigh, taking pity on the man, “If you eat all the lettuce, I’ll eat the tomatoes for you, deal?”
“Really!?” Dazai immediately perked up.
Chuuya nodded, unable to help the small smile that graced his handsome features.
“Chuuya’s the best! I’ll never call him short again!” Dazai vowed, already shovelling the red fruit onto the other man’s plate.
“Yeah? I’ll be sure to remind you of that in… what? Ten minutes?” Chuuya teased, carefully waiting to make sure Dazai would follow his end of the deal before eating the tomato slices.
“Oh please,” Dazai scoffed, “Ye of little faith. Give it five.”
Chuuya couldn’t help but bark out a laugh, attempting to shovel the tomatoes Dazai had given him into his mouth to cover up the sound.
Dazai didn’t comment on his laughter, but he did sport a smug grin as he bit into his lettuce. It was always a good feeling to make the other laugh, especially when he clearly didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d found him funny.
An unnecessarily long time later, Dazai gingerly placed his chopsticks on his plate, finally finished with his meal. He supposed the veggies weren’t so bad — so long as Chuuya was the one who prepared them — but he still vastly preferred to have just the korokke.
Chuuya took this opportunity to pounce, “So… are you going to tell me about that plan of yours now?”
“Plan? Plan, plan, plan, plan, plan… ah yes! The plan!” Dazai gave Chuuya a sheepish glance as the other man shot him an unimpressed glare.
“Yes, Dazai. The plan. The one that necessitated you crashing at my apartment again.” Chuuya rolled his eyes, clearly convinced the other man had indeed been bullshitting him. Which, in all fairness, he kinda was — just not in the way Chuuya suspected.
Dazai let out a faux-nervous breath, letting his leg bob up and down so as to convey the nervousness he would feel if he really was about to share an important plan. Or, he supposed, the way he would be if he was a regular person about to propose.
“Well? Spit it out already, mackerel bastard.” Chuuya took a swig from his glass. Huh. Dazai hadn’t even noticed him picking it back up…
He glanced over his shoulder and— oh. It was a new glass. If he was more of a wine lover he might’ve mourned the waste.
“Okay… the plan… well, I guess its not so much a plan and more of a…” he trailed off
“More of a what?”
Dazai carefully schooled his expression, “More a suggestion, a proposal if you will.”
Chuuya stared at him, uncomprehending, and Dazai had to repress a huff. He wasted his best material on this hat rack.
“I think… that we should get married.” He laid out gently, as if he hadn’t just proposed the most insane shit, or just… well, proposed.
Dazai waited patiently, expecting for the other man to blow up at him, flustered expletives and all, any second now.
Then he waited some more.
And he waited…
And he waited…
And he— okay, what was taking the slug so long to respond?! This prank was turning out to be so underwhelming, and—
“Okay.”
—he really did not put that much effort into it for Chuuya to not— what.
What did he just say?
Surely he hadn’t—
No…
That was not how this was supposed to go!
He barely restrained himself from gaping at the other man.
“…Really?” He squeaked, somewhere between utter mortification and mentally-writing-his-will-in-advance.
“Really.”
Dazai briefly entertained the idea of the pint-sized mafioso pranking him back, but he looked far too serious…
Would it be better for Dazai to play along, let this play out, but risk stringing his partner along, or worse be out-pranked by him? Or was it better to come clean, and risk actually hurting Chuuya’s feelings (or worse, risk being out-pranked by him)? As far as Dazai was concerned, there was only one clean way out.
He had to convince Chuuya to not want to marry him.
It shouldn’t be too hard for him, he wasn’t exactly marriage material after all.
He faked a scandalised look, putting his hands to his face in mock horror, “Oh! But I haven’t even gotten my tiny slug a ring! Such a shame… guess I’m just not cut out for this marriage thi—“
“That fine.”
Dazai was gobsmacked.
“…huh?”
“I don’t care.”
“But I didn’t… the ring…!”
“Okay? Your agency pays you jack shit compared to your old mafia salary, and I know for a fact you don’t have access to your old bank accounts anymore.” Chuuya shrugged, “Rings are expensive, especially when you consider that I would hardly ever have it on display, what, with my gloves and job and all.” He paused, “That being said, you did just call me tiny, breaking your vow of ‘never calling me short again’ at a record-breaking time of about… thirty minutes. Which is more than either of us gave you credit for, to be fair.”
What the fuck!?
He didn’t even have the mental capacity to focus on that little callout at the end. How the hell did Chuuya know that the agency didn’t pay well?! It was true, but Dazai had been so sure he’d hidden it from him…
He could understand how he knew about Dazai being unable to access his mafia related funds, that was a lot closer to the gingers territory, and he was pretty sure he’d ended up sharing half of them with him back in the day — needless to say, he wouldn’t be surprised if Chuuya had monitored the activity on those accounts long before Dazai had shown his face again. That all made sense, but his detective agency salary?! That had nothing to do with the other man, neither his personal nor professional relationship with him required him to know that information.
Also! How had he rebuked him so easily?! Dazai was no expert on marriage or engagement, but he was fairly sure that the rings were quite a big part of it. He knew that his and Chuuya’s dynamic was fairly unconventional, but Chuuya loved shiny things! A nice ring, even one that he’d put on a string around his neck, was right up his alley. It would fit right in with his outfit, and now he was saying that he didn’t care if he got an engagement ring or not? Dazai was calling bullshit. Either he was lying, or Dazai was about to become victim to the worlds greatest counter-prank…
He supposed there was a small chance that Chuuya really didn’t care, but… it rubbed him the wrong way. The older man deserved to have a nice ring, even if it would bankrupt Dazai to get him one!
He dared not voice those thoughts though, it would be much better for him to just focus on getting Chuuya to… unaccept his proposal? Was that the correct term? Whatever, Dazai had more important things to do than ponder correct terminologies.
“B-but this proposal was nothing as magnificent and extravagant as Chuuya deserves!” Dazai stuttered, somehow already starting to clutch at straws. How was he meant to make himself look less appealing to someone who had already seen him at his worst and then some?!
Chuuya hummed in disinterest, “I’ve never really wanted an extravagant proposal. In all honesty, I’ve always found them rather tacky. Why involve a venue full of strangers in a moment thats meant to centre on you and your lover, y’know?”
Oh dear lord, he’d brought out the L-word…
Was this some weird form of cosmic karma or whatever?! Why was it so difficult for him to get out of a prank proposal that was supposed to end with him getting rejected! Sure, he could just come clean about it, but that ran the risk of making his favourite dog hate him.
He really didn’t want Chuuya to hate him.
Alright. This was fine, he could totally pull this off. No hatred necessary.
“Well— I can’t afford a wedding venue, and I couldn’t possibly make Chuuya pay for it all! Seems like we’ll have to put a pin in this engagement thing after all…” he sighed, trying to seem genuinely disappointed and not like he was fishing for reasons that Chuuya shouldn’t marry him.
Chuuya let out a snort.
Oh no.
“You could absolutely make me pay for it. In fact, I still have a decent amount of your old money, remember? Besides, a wedding is meant to be a two-person effort. I’d be a pretty shit husband if I made you spend all of your meagre salary on a wedding that I could pay for several times over before even putting a dent in my savings, no?”
Okay could he stop bringing up Dazai’s financial situation?!
…
That was awful nice of him though…
“Besides, even if you did want to pay for the venue yourself, its not like we need anything lavish. We don’t exactly have that many people that we’d even want at our wedding. I can think of maybe five people off the top of my head for my side, and I doubt yours is much higher. Hell, we could even have no guests! So long as we’re both there, it hardly matters to me.” Chuuya shrugged.
Since when was he such a sap!?
The idea of just letting it go and actually marrying the man was becoming more appealing to Dazai by the second. Brief visions of domestic bliss and being pampered flashed before his eyes — if one was to consider basic kindness as ‘domestic bliss’, and ‘pampering’, that was. His standards were quite low in those departments.
There was just one issue. One thing stopping him from giving in and planning an impromptu wedding.
That one thing being the glaring issue that Dazai and Chuuya were not dating, not even in a situationship kind of deal, before this all went down.
Now that he thought about it, Chuuya’s complete willingness to accept his proposal in spite of that fact was quite jarring. As a matter of fact, the only reason Dazai could think of that would explain why Chuuya had accepted so readily was that Chuuya was playing an even bigger prank back on him… but something about it seemed off. Chuuya was a brilliant actor, as could be attested by many of their plans over the years, but Dazai didn’t prize himself on being able to read his partner so well for no reason. No, he knew Chuuya better than he knew the back of his own hand, and he could feel in his bones that the shorter man was serious about this.
It was so weird! It was oddly reminiscent of one of those trashy romance novels he’d stolen from Kunikida, where the protagonist and love interest were in a relationship but with one of them somehow completely unaware and—
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh no no no no no.
Okay.
Okay, the marriage thing could happen. In fact, the sooner the better as far as Dazai was concerned. Honestly, it was just the logical next step. Marriage to Chuuya? He was one hundred percent cool with it! He had far bigger fish to fry right now.
Such as figuring out how to ask Chuuya how long they’d been dating without the other man catching on to the fact that Dazai had no clue they were dating until about… thirty seconds ago. Shouldn’t be too hard! Worst case scenario, it turns out that Chuuya’s a much better prankster than him, and Dazai’s pride goes up in flames.
Okay, on second thought Dazai supposed that getting broken up with within less than an hour after realising he was in relationship would be the worst case scenario.
Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.
Once again, he’s brought out of his thoughts by an impatient Chuuya, “Why’d you decide to ask me to marry you now anyways?”
Chuuya was a wonderful, spectacular man. Truly the best of them all. Any man would be lucky to have even the slightest chance of marrying him. Unfortunately, he would have to remain unaware of this fact, as he would definitely ask questions if Dazai told him as such, and Dazai really was not in the mood to bullshit any more than strictly necessary for the rest of the day. It already felt like he was navigating a minefield, he didn’t need to add any more half-truths to the mix. No, Chuuya would just have to remain blissfully unaware that he had just given Dazai the perfect opportunity to get the information he needed without giving away a thing.
“Well… its been, what, how long since we started…?” Dazai trailed off, praying that Chuuya would fill in the blanks without getting suspicious, or worse asking questions.
“Seven years.” Chuuya nodded.
Dazai barely stopped himself from doing a spit-take. Seven years!? How had they been together for seven whole years without him noticing?! How had Chuuya never noticed that he had no clue they were together? What about the four years they were separated for when Dazai left the mafia?!
Dazai just about managed to pull himself together, knowing that he needed to talk soon if he didn’t want Chuuya growing suspicious.
“Exactly!” He exclaimed, as if this weren’t entirely new information to him, “It’s been seven whole years. Honestly, if anything I should’ve popped the question sooner!” He laughed, trying to disguise his awkwardness as bashfulness.
“…I guess so.” Chuuya looked doubtful, but didn’t press.
Oh he was so fucked. It was over for him.
“Any specific reason you chose April First?”
Oh shit. Oh fuck. This was it. Did Chuuya know? Had he figured it out, or had he known all along? Was he taking secret delight in watching Dazai fumble and struggle to remain calm?! Or was April First an important day for their relationship? Oh lord, what if it was an important anniversary?! Think Dazai, think!
“I… I was worried that you would reject me. I was so convinced that you would never want to marry me, so I asked today in the hoped that I’d be able to play it off as an April Fools joke if you reacted badly…” he attempted to look as vulnerable as he could without raising suspicious. He was trying to stick as close to the truth as he could, sprinkling in little lies here and there to avoid bringing up that this whole situation was started by a prank that got out of hand.
Chuuya nodded sagely, settling back down in his chair, “Ah, right. Its like when you asked me out then, I get it. Though I had quite hoped that you would have gotten it through your thick skull by now that it’ll take a lot more than your regular bullshit to get rid of me.”
Dazai felt like he was living in a sitcom, and a loud record scratch had just played. When he’d asked Chuuya out?! Dazai had asked Chuuya out? When? Was it also on April Fools Day? Because that felt like something one should remember, and he very clearly did not. Oh shit, what had he said that had convinced his partner that they were dating?! Was Chuuya actually just fucking with him? He had to be, there was no way…
The issue was, Dazai had no way of calling him out on it, because if he did accuse the other man of lying and it turned out he was wrong this whole charade would’ve been for nothing. It would’ve been for absolutely nothing and Chuuya would hate— no, despise him and—
He really wasn’t sure why that last part bothered him so much…
“Oi, what’s that face for Dazai?” Chuuya asked gruffly.
“My face—? What face? Huh?”
“That face! Y’know! The face you do when you’re thinking too hard about something? The one that usually indicates that you’ve made a small issue out to be much worse than it actually is?”
God Dazai really wished that was the case this time. That he could come clean and not irreparably change their tentative, freshly renewed relationship for good. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t that lucky.
Chuuya gave him a look that clearly indicated that he wanted Dazai to talk, sooner rather than later and Dazai was trapped.
He wasn’t in control. He needed to be in control. He needed to be able to lie his way out of this but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was a mess, and at this point Chuuya would sniff out his bullshit from a mile away.
Whose smart idea was it to propose as a prank again?
Oh yeah. His.
…
He should really just stop having ideas, they never went well for him.
Dazai let out an undignified yelp as he was dragged to the couch, head laid on Chuuya’s lap and legs hanging over the arm of it. He really wanted to appreciate the position, but he had so much to worry about and his brain just wouldn’t settle down. His thoughts were going a mile a minute and were showing no sign of slowing down. God he just wanted to slam his head into a wall and be knocked unconscious for a bit — and was that someone calling him?
“—amu!”
Oh. Yep. That was definitely his name being called. He should probably pay attention to that, huh?
“Osamu look at me. Get out of your head for five seconds, c’mon.” The voice urged. Yeah. That sounded nice. Getting out of his head for a bit. Maybe it’d calm down by the time he was back.
He felt the soothing sensation of fingers running through his hair and couldn’t help but melt into the touch, blinking blearily as he slowly started to focus on the world around him again.
“There you are…” The voice — Chuuya, he now realised — cooed.
The pair sat in silence for a bit, as Chuuya ran his fingers through Dazai’s hair groundingly, waiting for the younger to be ready to talk. Despite his usual demeanour, he had the patience to wait until long after the sun set and rose again if needed.
It took a long while, but soon Dazai seemed to be more aware. More calm. More responsive to the sensations around him.
“Hey.” Chuuya murmured softly.
“…hey.”
“You ready to tell me what that was all about?” Chuuya asked with the cadence of someone talking about the weather, or something else that was equally as trivial.
Dazai took in a deep, shuddering breath, deciding it was better to cut his losses and confess to his sins sooner rather than later, “…I really fucked up.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” The mafioso reassured, in place of the usual teasing ‘when have you not?’.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I was talking about.” The brunet seemed glum. Defeated, even.
Chuuya hummed thoughtfully, “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I can guess what’s got you so worked up, and its not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
“It is.” Dazai insisted petulantly.
“Well, can I guess at it? Because if this is about what I think it’s about, then I can promise you its not.”
“Sure. I’ll have to tell you eventually anyway…” Dazai grumbled, upset at the prospect of the ginger knowing how badly he’d fucked up.
“Let me see…” Chuuya pretended to ponder his guess, “I think that you… proposed to me as an actual April Fools joke…”
Dazai flinched, looking pointedly away from his partner.
“…I also think that you only did it because you were under the impression we weren’t together, is that right?”
Dazai’s fists clenched tightly in the fabric of his coat, “…maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“…Yes, that’s what happened.” He grit out.
“See. That’s not all that bad, is it?” Chuuya hummed.
Dazai gave him an incredulous look, attempting to sit up but ultimately being pushed back down into Chuuya’s lap.
“Not that bad!? Chuuya we’ve been dating for seven years and I didn’t even notice!” If his hands weren’t keenly occupied with his coat, he’d surely be ripping his hair out with stress.
“Months, actually.”
“…huh?”
“We’ve been dating for seven months, not years.” He paused, “Well. I guess if you didn’t know then we technically haven’t been dating at all, but, y’know, semantics.”
“But— but you said—!?”
“I lied, sweetheart—“ a shiver ran down Dazai’s spine at the pet name, “—I thought you were acting a little off, so I said years instead of months as a little test. To see if you’d notice.”
“Oh…”
“Mhm. Oh.” Chuuya gave him a small grin in spite of himself.
“Okay… that explains the years part… but it doesn’t explain that part about April First!”
“I wanted to see if you would come clean of your own accord or not.”
“What about the part where you said– said I’d asked you out like that?”
“Another misdirection.”
“Then why…?”
“Well… its a bit embarrassing really. See, I was the one who asked you out like that—“
“You did!?”
“—mhm, I did. I asked you out in a manner that could easily be disguised as a joke, and must’ve accidentally interpreted something you said as you returning my feelings.” The ginger looked wistful at this. Slightly regretful as well, but why would he…?
Oh.
“…I do return Chuuya’s feelings.” Dazai mumbled, so quiet that even the most avid of listeners would have had to strain to hear him.
Chuuya blinked down at him, it seemed it was his turn to be shocked.
“You… huh?”
“I like Chuuya too. Romantically.” Dazai forced out awkwardly, actually managing to sit up this time so he could look the other man in the eye.
“…You better not be joking Mackerel.”
“I’m not! …I am regretting how I phrased it though. Certainly not winning any awards for dazzling confessions with that one.”
Chuuya let out a laugh, a loud boisterous one.
“Hey! Quit laughing at me Chuuya! Bad dog!”
“Don’t call me your dog!”
“Well if you stop laughing at me I won’t have to call you one.” Dazai pouted childishly, wrapping his arms around Chuuya’s shoulders clingily.
“Alright, alright. My apologies your majesty. I didn’t realise laughter was so offensive to you.” One of Chuuya’s hands found their way back into Dazai’s hair, playing with the silky strands.
Dazai grumbled something about stupid slugs and brain-eating hats.
“…What was so funny anyway?” He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
“Just the idea of you doing a dazzling confession. Its not really your style.”
Dazai gasped in mock offence, “I could totally pull off a dazzling confession.”
“Alright sweetheart, tell that to the next guy you confess to.” There was a slight pause. “Actually don’t. You’re not allowed to confess to anyone else, I’m banning it. You’re mine now, no take backs.” Chuuya wrapped his free hand around Dazai’s waist in a childish display of possessiveness, whilst Dazai short-circuited over being referred to as ‘sweetheart’ again.
…
“So is the engagement still on, or?”