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April Fish

Summary:

Alastor shows the hotel residents one of his favourite traditions

Notes:

I just had to do a crack fic of one of my favourite characters celebrating one of my favourite holidays

Work Text:

April 1st.

A day of joy and pranks for many but horror for others. Hell was full of pranksters who took April Fools too far or wouldn't let up with stupid jokes for the entire day, with just as many people refusing to participate.

Alastor was one such being who refused to participate, after all he had his own cultural holiday.

"Joyeux Poisson d'Avril!" The deer man bellowed, smacking the back lf Charlie's back as he entered the communal sitting area. The residents turned to look at him, not used to hearing him speak in his natural accent. The only exception was Husk (who upon hearing Alastors cheerful yell had immediately looked fearful) and Nifty, who was not in the room.

Charlie winced, recovering from the friendly hit as she looked at Alastor with a smile. "Wow Alastor! I didn't know you knew French! What's going on?"

"Why, it's my favourite holiday of course!"

"That's suspicious." Vaggie added in, squinting as she looked at him.

"No no-not at all. Just some harmless fun."

At that Husk stood up, paws up in surrender. "My ass, it's harmless. Count me out."

As the cat man moved to try and retreat back to the bar with his back refusing to be vulnerable to the others, Alastors grin turned sadistic. Time seemed to stop as Alastor pinned him with his haze and let put a simple yet quiet command.

"Niffty, get him."

"Wha-"

Faster than anyone could see the small cyclops seemed to dart out of nowhere. With speed like a predator hunting it's prey she launched herself lnto Husk, one hand roughly gripping a wing as she slammed sonething onto his fluffy back between them.

"GODDAMMIT NIFF!" "GOT HIM, SIR!"

It only took a few seconds for the whole scene to play out but it felt like watching a slow motion dramaticised scene. Husk grumbled as Niffty hopped off him, a crumpled pile of stickers clutched in her hand like her life depended on it.

"Uh? What the fuck was THAT?!" Angel leaned up, looking vaguely concerned for Husk.

The cat man was alright physically, though emotionally was already done with this shit. With another grating twist of arms and feathers he was able to pull the offending object that was shoved onto him and threw it onto the ground revealing.....a sticker of a cute toony styled fish with a mile wide smile.

"It's his idea of a fucking joke." Husk grumbled. "He does this every year."

"Now now Husker, it's not nice to be bigoted towards my cultures holidays. I thought you'd be better than that." If Alastor's shit eating grin could get any wider, it would. Even his tone was coloured with smug amusement at having struck him so early on into the day.

Vaggie raised an eyebrow, looking from Husk then back to Charlie. "Wait a minute."

The angel motioned her girlfriend over, suspicions confirmed as she yanked another colourful fish doodle from off of Charlies back. "So you holiday is....hitting us with your drawings of fish."

With a squeal, Charlie grabbed the doodle from Vaggie. "Omigosh! That's so cute! Can I keep this?"

"Why of course! In fact you can have another one!" He punctuated his sentence with another tentacle coming up behind Charlie, smacking another fish doodle onto her back. "HA HA!"

Angel stood up, ready to take Husk's original course of action. He knew Niffty was in on it and Alastor would use powets. He could do this. "I don't understand french people and I don't plan to-So I'll also just check out. I gotta keep my fur intact. You guys have fun though!"

He quickly dodged Niffty's attack, running out of the room with all the grace of a deer that knew how to work a pair of stripper heels. The yells of Husk were ignored, calling him a coward and traitor, as well as the concerned yells of both Charlie and Vaggie. Vaggie, who wanted to get this shit under control; and Charlie, who wanted to turn this into a team bonding exercise.

"Angel!! We can make this fun!" Charlie's voice echoed down the empty hall, ending with a sigh. "We can still do it though, right? I love learning about everyones lives before Hell!"

"Of course we can." Vaggie gave Charlie a conforting pat of the back, also removing the other sticker. "We'll just need to tell Angel it will be kept under control. Which it WILL be. Right, Alastor?" the fallen angels tone hardened as she glared at the deer. "RIGHT?"

Alastor hummed. "Of course it will."

---‐---------

Hours later Alastor climbed the hotel in his giant form, tentacles thrashing as he held a screaming Angel Dust who was desperarely pleading for his life and vowed to let Alastor win and put a stupid fish sticker on him.

Vaggie should have known it would turn out like this.