Work Text:
The low rumbling of the elevator stopping signifies his arrival in Al-haitham’s office. A smile brightens his face, and he bounces slightly on his heels, stepping forward excitedly. He knows Al-haitham is aware of his presence, for all the power the Akademiya has they cannot seem to make the elevator completely silent, and when he walks the steps up into the office, Al-haitham has indeed looked up from the pile of papers on his desk.
He offers Kaveh a slight smile, but the exhaustion on his face is still clear.
Kaveh steps forward, walking past the desk until he reaches Al-haitham, bending down and pressing a kiss to his hair as he continues to work. He hears Al-haitham chuckle slightly, then watches as the other man turns his head, resting his cheek on Kaveh’s hand. They stay standing like that for a few minutes, Kaveh a warm feeling at Al-haitham’s side, his mere presence making the scribe seem more relaxed.
Kaveh thinks then, that he could stay standing like that forever, simply basking in the soft comforting bubble that they create, the warmth of their love.
It is only after a few minutes that he speaks again, softly, as to not break the peace they have created. “Hey um,‘Haitham, would you like to go out tonight?”
Al-haitham sighs, looking over to his desk. “I really am too busy. I need to get all this done.” His words feel cold, sharper than seems necessary for the situation, and Kaveh can’t help but feel like he’s done something wrong.
His face scrunches up in despair before he can stop it, and he flinches back, hand falling limply to his side. “...Oh. Okay. See you later then.” He turns and walks away, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his chest, each step feeling more and more like a punishment.
~
Tighnari’s words are just another nail in the coffin, the sinking feeling growing in his chest solidifying into a solid presence, a dizzying swirl of butterflies.
They forgot. Again.
Plastering a fake smile on his face, he smiles and laughs, waving a hand, trying to hide the sudden surge of nausea. “Oh no, you’re fine. I just forgot about how busy your schedules are. Have a good rest of your day!” His voice sounds fake, even to him, but Tighnari just smiles gratefully, raising up one hand in a quiet goodbye as Kaveh walks away.
~
The door to their house swings open slowly, and Kaveh steps inside. The sun is streaming weakly in through the windows, glowing red and orange as it sets. It was a miracle that Al-haitham hadn’t taken his keys again, one probably due to the fact the man was swamped with work and hadn’t come home the night before. Letting out a softly frustrated groan, Kaveh hits his head with a curled up hand, the dull thud echoing around the too-empty house.
Stupid, stupid, stupid-
His head swims and feels a little dizzy when he puts down his hand.
It is with slow movements that goes through the motions of his usual routine, shedding his mantle and earrings, laying them down carefully, mechanically.
It is with great trepidation that he walks into the kitchen, sitting down at one end of the table.
He stares dully at the cake in front of him, much too large for a party of only one. Slowly reaching up, he slices a piece, putting it onto his plate and shoving the rest away, not able to think about it any longer.
With a heavy hand he lifts his fork, taking a small bite. The cake should be wonderful, a blend of rich spices and airy texture, but it tastes like ash in his mouth as he forces himself to chew and swallow. He manages to eat nearly half the slice before he cannot hold it back, dry heaving and shoving the plate away. He rushes to the sink with one hand covering his mouth, bending over it and puking out the meager amounts of food he had eaten. When he opens his eyes again, the sink is splattered with yellow bile, and bits of half digested cake.
He leans over the sink, panting and dizzy, for quite a while.
When he finally forces himself to stand up and leave, he is hit with a wave of exhaustion so strong it threatens to topple him over. He stumbles slightly, putting a hand up to his temple and closing his eyes, one arm out for balance.
When the world re-orients itself, he walks back over to the table with heavy steps, looking upon the set table with a disparaging eye. He shakes his head, smiling softly. “ So fucking stupid…” He mutters softly, roughly wiping away the tears forming in his eyes.
Breathing in and out deeply, he carefully puts the lid over the cake tray (there is no reason to let it go to waste, even if he could not enjoy it, and he could never stand to simply throw away food). Finishing the task, he sways a little in place, the previous exhaustion returning, and threatening to knock him down. He stumbles his way to his room, barely managing to get inside and close the door before he collapses back on it, panting heavily.
He reaches a shaking arm behind him, and weakly pushes himself up. He sways again, before stepping over to his desk. Leaning on it with one hand, he quickly and clumsily rids himself of his daily wear, stripping down until he is only in trousers and a blouse.
He cannot be bothered to undress any further, and collapses onto the bed with a heavy sigh. He stares up at the ceiling, black spots swimming across his vision. He reaches up a hand, outstretching it past the ceiling, to the sky, but it falls onto his chest with a limp thump. He chuckles a little, turning onto his side and pulling a sheet up to his chest.
Another birthday.
Another year.
Another mistake.