Archive of Our Own

“Ow.” Merlin stuck his index finger in his mouth.

Arthur frowned at him, their horses trotting gently beside each other. “What is it, Merlin? You get a papercut?”

“Yes, in fact,” Merlin mumbled around his finger, his reins and the new maps in his other hand. Merlin had gotten the maps out at the last break and was looking them over as carefully as he could on horseback. 

Arthur had bought them from a cartographer in Nemeth. Gaius instructed them to look for a lost tomb, and Nemeth was the only place he knew where they could find a lead. Apparently, the tomb contained the cure for King Uther’s curse, if Merlin could find an inscription upon it. Merlin wasn’t looking forward to curing Uther, but it was for Arthur’s benefit.

“Does it hurt?” Arthur teased. He fiddled with his reigns, his eyes trained on Merlin only. A few knights rode behind them, along with Gwen and Morgana. Arthur couldn’t stop them from tagging along. He seemed to enjoy the company though, as did Merlin. 

“It does, actually,” Merlin held the finger in Arthur’s face but kept his eyes on a map. Arthur frowned in disgust. “These maps don’t add up. They’re all different.”

“As maps to something unknown usually are.” 

Merlin stuck the finger back in his mouth. “It’s so confus-” He bit down hard at Arthur’s sudden battle cry. 

There was an agitated group of men ahead of them, and considering they were shooting and charging at their convoy, were an enemy of Camelot. 

Arthur dismounted as did his knights. Merlin veered his horse off the path but as an arrow whizzed past her head, she reared and knocked Merlin to the ground. Battle ensued above him. 

These men were harsh and hasty in their need to kill, but Camelot’s armor and skill were faring much better. Merlin scrambled to his feet, a wave of faintness running through him. He needed to help. 

A man ran towards him, sword raised and eager to get Merlin out of his way. Merlin glanced around, finding a dagger on a startled horse, and tossed it towards the man with a flash of his eyes. 

Arthur kept himself calm, cutting and slashing, diving and ducking, keeping on top of the attackers. Their armor had large unguarded chunks, which he ruthlessly aimed for, dinging their shoulders and sides, prodding and poking, making his way through the crowd. A shout distracted him, distinctly feminine. He couldn’t tell if it was Gwen or Morgana but turned to help, not noticing the man approaching behind him. 

“Arthur!” Merlin warned. 

The prince had turned, first noticing Merlin, his eyes with an odd quality, then the strange movement of an attacker a few paces away, sword in hand. Arthur spun further as the man struck the blade into the shoulder of another man about to heave an axe down upon Arthur. 

A man does not sabotage his own kind.

“What?” Arthur mumbled and let it go for now, glad that the man collapsed at his feet and was eager to continue battle, but Merlin caught his attention. He was swaying, eyes once wide in shock now squeezed closed. With a hand pressed to his chest, he fell to his knees, sinking into the forest floor. 

Arthur rushed over, forgetting the others for a moment. “Merlin?” Arthur rolled Merlin onto his back and patted his cheek. “Merlin?” His pulse was weak. What had happened?

The clashing of swords was dying down, and soon Gwen was leaning over Merlin as well. 

“He’s only fainted. Should we put his feet up?” Arthur asked, swallowing. Thank God Guinevere was okay. 

“He needs Gaius,” Gwen worried, a lip between her teeth. She felt around Merlin’s neck. He was deathly pale. “I don’t know if this was caused by exhaustion, shock, or something worse.”

-

A thunderous beating of hooves rang from the woods that night. 

Merlin was draped over the front of Arthur’s horse, his convoy including the normally giggly companions of Gwen and Morgana behind him, all trying desperately to keep up. 

The darkness parted as the castle came into view. All peace was broken as they rode at breakneck speed over the drawbridge. 

Arthur slipped off his horse, tossing Merlin over his shoulder, and raced up to the physicians. 

Gaius startled as Arthur barged in. “I thought I heard something below,” His brows pinched. Merlin was pale and sickly in Arthur’s clutch. 

“He just collapsed!” Arthur set him down on a bed, and Gaius started checking him immediately. He put a hand on the boy’s chest, watching for breathing. He lifted his hands to check the color of his fingernails. “We encountered some bandits, and we fought them off, but something bizarre happened.” Arthur’s face couldn’t decide whether to look shocked or worried or confused. Gaius didn’t tell him to stop so he kept going, focused on Merlin. “I noticed a man fly into another, pushed somehow, inevitably stabbing the man who was about to bash me over the head.” Arthur brought his thumb to his lip. “Merlin looked shocked as if he’d witnessed it too, and collapsed.” He had been standing still before then, useless as always. At least Morgana and Gwen pulled out swords.  

“Shock, probably,” Gaius mumbled, disturbed by his prognosis so far. 

Gwen and Morgana burst through the door, winded. “How is he?” Morgana demanded, striding, to stand beside Arthur. She shook involuntarily and Arthur wanted to wrap an arm around her in comfort but decided against it. Gwen approached, clutching Morgana’s elbow tightly instead.  

“It’s not looking good, my lady,” Gaius frowned and stood, pointedly looking at Arthur. “I would appreciate some silence for the next few hours. I need to watch him closely. We can talk about what happened later.”

The girls nodded solemnly. Arthur refused to leave, but Gaius forced him out, to rest, and he ambled away, teeth grinding in worry. 

-

“How’s your papercut?” Arthur asked the next morning, already dressed and walking around.

Merlin hummed, shutting the door to Arthur’s chambers behind him. “Still stings. Thankfully you weren’t around to heal it with lemon juice,” His face scrunched up, still pale from yesterday. He set Arthur’s breakfast on his table beside all the dirty armor someone else had to help Arthur out of the night before. 

“I thought I wouldn’t see you today,” Arthur mused, sitting down. “You should get to work if you’re feeling better.”

Merlin sighed. “Of course, sire. Anything for you, never mind my papercut,” Merlin sat at the other end of the table, pulling the maile and a dry brush towards him, starting to work the dirt out. 

Arthur observed him carefully. “What really happened?” He swallowed a half-munched grape and took a drink of water. 

There was a short silence as Merlin’s brush came to a stop. “A problem with my heart, it’s nothing too serious,” He continued to brush, hoping Arthur would drop the subject. 

It wasn’t what Arthur was asking about. Or Merlin wasn’t giving a full answer. Arthur nodded along. “As long as it’s nothing serious. Gaius said this?” 

Merlin hung his head. “Yeah, a weak heart. I’ll be okay.” The brush scraped aganst the metal links, filing off flakes of dirt and sweat.

“Okay,” They sat in relative silence the rest of the morning. 

-

When Merlin had come-to this morning, he’d started to move around like normal, albeit fatigued, but he found himself winded while running to do Arthur’s chores. He was forced to slow down from painful constrictions of his heart. 

“A fluttering heart, sire,” Gaius said as he passed Merlin a cut of herbs and a knife. He was sitting at the dinner table.

Merlin had only lasted a day back in Arthur’s service before he had to break again. 

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Arthur mused. “What does it mean?”

“It means he must keep to tasks which won’t raise his stress levels.”

Arthur frowned, a flare of anger running through him. “He told me it was nothing.” His brow went taut. He crossed his arms. “Why didn’t he have this disease before?” Merlin frowned over his herbs. 

Gaius sighed and bowed his head. “It’s caused by extortionate amounts of stress, sire. The disease only truly surfaces after a big shock. That’s what triggered it to surface, his fall yesterday.” Gaius’ eyes flicked to Merlin and back. “Normally that doesn't happen unless the person is aged, so it’s a very rare condition to come across,” He hung his head as if Merlin was already gone. “He will seem completely normal, for the most part, but an overdose of exertion, excitement, or shock is potentially fatal.”

Arthur’s eyes bore holes in the floor. 

Arthur took much softer steps than normal, coming to sit quietly across from Merlin. He stared into Merlin as if his flickering, masked expression would reveal something to him. 

“Who died?” Merlin jested. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Arthur stated bluntly. 

Merlin looked up, done with his task. “Well, you’re not going to lose me.” Before he could be assigned another task, he dashed to his room.

“Don’t move so quickly, Merlin!” Arthur shouted. 

“Be gentle with him, sire,” Gaius chided, collecting the chopped herbs from the table, and sweeping them into a mortar. “The mental stress can be more overwhelming than the physical.”

Arthur nodded, sucking his bottom lip, the words washing over him. He followed after Merlin. 

He was flung down on his excuse for a bed, covered, and taking deep breaths to relax himself. 

“Merlin, it’s going to be alright.” Arthur couldn’t help but pace at the end of Merlin’s bed, not getting far in the confined space. “We’ll find a cure.”

“It’s a condition that cannot be cured.” Merlin’s face was screwed up in concentration. “Stop pacing, you’re- you’re not helping.” His eyes were closed, or barely open, Arthur couldn’t quite tell.

Arthur stuttered to a stop. Merlin was breathing deeply now and Arthur felt the need to call for Gaius, but Merlin just waved for him to sit.

Merlin folded onto his side. Desperate breaths wracked his body. He was in anguish, and Arthur moved to sit right at his hip, looking down at him. How had he become so weak? He rubbed his hand soothingly over Merlin’s back, behind his aching heart. 

“I’ll never go horse riding again, in case of an attack. I can’t even run anymore; Gaius says it’s too dangerous.” Merin sniffled into his pillow. “I need to be at your side. That’s where I belong.”

“You never do much there anyway,” Arthur tried to console him, but it just made Merlin’s face twist further. Disappointment burned under Arthur’s skin. “I would do anything to have you back to your bumbling ways.” Arthur lifted his fingers to Merlin's brow, fingering his matted fringe. Merlin squirmed and brushed off his touch. 

In one moment Merlin’s potential had turned to smoke. He was bedridden, condemned to menial tasks, hidden away where he couldn’t be startled, and given a quick death. “One day here I’m going to drop dead, and there will be no way to save me.” His fists curled. “I’m going to leave you at some point,” Merlin croaked.

“I need you to stay brave, Merlin,” Arthur sighed, and his throat went dry. “We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry.”

No longer could Merlin stride beside Arthur across the courtyard, do his laundry, and get his breakfast. Well, he could probably fetch his meals, Arthur would just have to accept eating later than normal. Their riding would be replaced by strolling, or cut down dramatically. No more quests, no more patrols together. Merlin was too weak now. Merlin needed to stay calm, but Arthur personally couldn’t imagine living that lifestyle and staying calm. He would want to be out with the action, as did Merlin. Otherwise, depression would drive him wild. Maybe he could take Merlin down to the field on the east side of the citadel. It was too close for bandits. 

Merlin had similar things on his mind as he curled tighter on himself, hiding his face with his arms. He was shaking terribly. 

“This is killing you, Merlin, I need you to calm down!” Arthur shook him gently. “Don’t think about it. Think about something that makes you happy. Come on.”

Merlin nodded meekly, turning into his pillow. His breathing turned shallow. 

“I want you there, Merlin, but you have to relax. Be brave, alright. We still have some time left together,” He said morbidly and patted Merlin’s side, refusing to show any hint of despair. “Do you want me to stay? I think you need some rest… it might be better if I go.”

Merlin shook his head. His breath tore out of him, nearly in sobs. 

“Merlin, Merlin? What do you need?” Arthur leaned closer. 

“Just-“ Merlin sighed. “Stay here.” 

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Okay. I can stay, do you want some water? A sleeping draught?” 

Merlin wasn’t listening. “You should keep me- in check enough-“ Merlin tried to regulate his breathing. “I promise I’m not as pathetic as you think I am.”

Arthur bit his lip, multiple comments flying to his tongue. You’ve never been pathetic Like I’d believe that!  

“Shut up, Merlin. You’re going to be fine,” Arthur moved a chair beside his bed, settling into it, the wood comfortably molded by time. With a fur or two he could fall asleep right here.  

But Merlin’s eyes were wide, and he was pinching his face every few seconds, his breath hitching. It was wildly uncomfortable to watch. 

“Hey, Merlin, you need to breathe-“

“I know!”

“Deep breathing, Merlin, like I taught you to do instead of making rude comments when you get disrespected by nobles!”

Merlin smiled then, and Arthur didn’t understand why. But Merlin slipped right back into the pattern, trying to take deeper breaths. 

“My heart is clenching,” Merlin put his hand on his heart. “I’m going to die,” He stated in alarm. “I’m going to fail.”

“Gaius!” Arthur shouted. Arthur was up immediately, kneeling at Merlin’s side. “You’re not pathetic, Merlin, you’re incredibly brave and you’re not going to die!” 

His door unlatched. “What is the matter?” Gaius asked hurriedly.

“He needs something to relax him, he’s not making any sense!” 

“Do you really mean that?” Merlin piped. His eyes were blown open, his voice wavering, hands clutching his chest. 

“I,” Arthur looked sternly between Gaius and the bedridden Merlin, “May care a minuscule amount about you. As a servant.”

Gaius rolled his eyes and left to get the draught. 

Arthur rested a hand on his shoulder to lean over him, watching as he slowly calmed down. All from a compliment?

Merlin’s face slowly flushed and his forehead shined with sweat. “I’m not pathetic…” Merlin mumbled. His lips moved, words not coming out. “I need to be there.” He rushed out in a breath.

“And you will.” Arthur carefully wrapped an arm around Merlin, but Merlin just shook his head into Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I won’t,” Merlin heaved a sigh, accepting his fate. “I won’t.”

“If you can’t be at my side, then I’ll have to be at yours,” Arthur rasped. 

Merlin’s breath hitched, and Arthur could feel his shoulder dampening. Merlin lightly clutched Arthur’s shirtsleeve before dropping it.

“Your draught,” Gaius returned, giving Arthur a sour look as he separated them. Merlin sat up further. Gaius lifted the vial to Merlin’s quivering lips, and just as he was about to give in and drink, Arthur seized the vial from Gaius’s fingers. He positioned it back at Merlin’s lips.

“I’m not a baby, you don’t have to feed me,” Merlin tried to raise his arm to take it, but Arthur raised it above his head. Merlin rolled his eyes tiredly, croaking out, “Withholding medicine from a sick man, now-”

Arthur put the vial straight into his hand at that. “Well, drink it.”

Merlin took one whiff and decided he didn’t want it anymore. Arthur gave him water instead. 

“Calm now?”

“As good as I’ll ever be,” Merlin sniffed, “Thank you, Arthur.”

Arthur waited in the chair until Merlin started to doze, emotions kept at bay from his desire to not unravel completely in front of the prince. Arthur spun his ring around his finger as he waited. It was soothing, something to distract from the boy who collapsed before him.

He slipped the ring off, pulling Merlin’s limp hand out from where it was tucked in his armpit. A weight lifted off of Arthur’s chest as he slid the ring onto Merlin’s ring finger. His servant could utilize it now. 

Arthur silently kissed the pad of his thumb and ran the hand through his servant’s ruddy hair, gently rubbing the kiss into his brow. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Early.”

-

Gwen and Morgana were waiting in Arthur’s chambers when he arrived, knowing of his visit to Merlin. 

“How is he, is he alright?” Gwen was the first Merlin had confided in about his new health development while they did laundry together that afternoon. Merlin became winded after carrying the basket down, and couldn’t bear to lift a bucket of water, afraid his heart might stop. “Can we go visit him?” She asked. 

“Not yet,” Arthur gulped. “He needs his rest.” His voice broke slightly at the end of his sentence, eliciting a sigh from Morgana. 

“It’s terrible! Just, goddess.” Morgana was in a fit, arms crossed as her slippers tapped a rhythm on the floor. “What are we going to do?”

“We just have to wait for him to heal.” Arthur tried to usher them out of his room. 

“But Gaius said it was terminal!” Gwen insisted. Gwen looked as if she didn’t know who to turn to for comfort, and Morgana stepped forward, bundling them into a group hug. 

Arthur gently rested a hand around Gwen’s waist. The two had been infatuated with each other for a while before Lancelot had come along and their connection had made Arthur realize what true love looked like, and that they didn’t have it. 

“Don’t pity him. He’s not any different.” Arthur insisted. “In a few weeks, he’ll be a lot better. You two will just be seeing more of him.”

“I guess that’s not so bad, he can help me with-'' Morgana gasped and pressed her lips together. Gwen’s eyes widened in tandem. 

“What? Dressing?” Arthur pulled away. “I know you two are worried, but I must sleep. You can visit him tomorrow. Guinevere, get me a replacement for Merlin for tomorrow morning.” 

“Is he coming back into your service?” Gwen asked, brows pinched.

“He never left, now go.” Arthur pushed them towards the door tiredly. Morgana harrumphed, getting out of Arthur’s reach and into Gwen’s.

He ran his hand through his hair, and could only undress right there before collapsing in bed. He stopped himself from trembling at the memory of Merlin in that narrow bed. 

They all seemed to think Merlin was gone already. But neither he nor Merlin would ever let that happen. 

-

It was caused by stress, and stress would be his downfall. Overexertion, shock, anything would land him back under Gaius’ eye, or buried. Merlin never liked going on expeditions, patrols, or hunts, anyway. Good thing he won’t miss them.

When Arthur arrived that morning he couldn’t help but notice the state Merlin’s room was in. He had ignored it yesterday, but in the morning light it was glaringly messy. Clothes were strewn all over the floor despite a cupboard being sat beside it. Against the wall was a wash bucket and a half-done pile of laundry. Merlin needed his own servant at this point. How could he half-ass Arthur’s chores and his own? 

His servant was curled up on the bed, breath shallow, thin blanket slipped off his form completely.

It was a relief to see him again, for a moment, just knowing that he was alive before Arthur noticed how pale he was. 

Merlin lifted his head at the sound of heavy footsteps. He groaned and put his head back down. 

“Have you spent all night worrying?” Arthur demanded. “You’re looking green.” 

At that thought, Merlin sat up frantically and glanced around. He held his lips stiffly together, jaw clenched. His legs slipped off the bed as his eyes latched onto something behind Arthur, misty but surprisingly urgent. He quickly gestured for Arthur to get it. 

On one of the steps to Merlin’s room sat a bucket, half filled with water. “The bucket?” 

Merlin nodded and turned a lighter shade of pale, hunching forward, a hand clasped over his mouth. Arthur quickly ran to set it before him. Not a second passed before Merlin was emptying his stomach, or what little was in there. He dry heaved. 

Arthur kneeled beside him on one knee. “It’s okay, Merlin. It’s okay.” He thread a hand into Merlin’s hair, giving it a quick ruffle. The touch was fleeting, shocking Arthur that he even had the gall to do it while Merlin was awake to notice.

He picked up a discarded shirt and passed it over to Merlin. 

Merlin wiped his mouth, pushing away the bucket hurriedly. “I’m-“ he took a deep breath. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Vomiting isn’t a side effect is it?” Arthur never seemed to know the right thing to say. He had no delicacy when he needed it. 

Merlin frowned and shook his head. “I’m just worried.” His pale complexion was becoming slowly redder, a little more alive. He noticed the ring as he brushed his hair across his forehead. “What’s your ring doing on my hand?” He was wide-eyed, dropping his hands to spin the outer ring. 

“It’s for anxiety,” Arthur blurted. “It’ll help you stay calm.”

“Um-” Merlin stared at it in shock. “I-” His lips moved but he was lost for words.

Arthur held the sides of his arms. “You don’t have to thank me, it’s for your health.” Merlin’s lower lip was trembling, his eyes red from rubbing away tears. “You’ve been through a lot this past night, and you’re not dead yet.”

“I’m nauseous, Arthur,” Merlin croaked. A tear slipped down his face as he clenched his fist.

“What do you need?” Arthur grabbed his cup of water off his nightstand and left it in his hand. “Fresh air?”

Merlin nodded his head. “Give me a minute. And a bowl of cool water.” 

It was a journey to find the nearest servant as few lingered around the physicians. After hailing them, he waited for the servant to come back with the jug of water, giving Merlin time to relax. This event was very taxing on his body, and he needed to keep his stress levels low. They couldn’t risk it. Why did Merlin have to cry and writhe like that?  

With a burgeoning headache, Arthur made his way back up to Merlin. He poured the water for him, watching him wet his face. He still looked queasy, but wobbly followed after Arthur down to the courtyard anyhow. 

They strolled along the drawbridge and down to the training field, where a few of his knights were setting up the day’s weapons and getting a head start on practice. 

“Will you still be able to put my armor on, y’know, dress me?” Arthur squinted. 

“Of course, sire,” Merlin affronted. “That’s easy.”

“So you can still do the polishing as well, and the cleaning-“

“Eh- the cleaning might be much.” Merlin stopped him, but there was a glint in his eye, one that wasn’t completely serious. 

“Don’t play me for a fool.” Arthur punched him in the shoulder, and Merlin smiled. 

-

Merlin prepared him for bed that night, even though Arthur told him not to. It just seemed like the right thing to do. 

Merlin took a little bit of extra care to tuck him in, pulling the bedspread snugly over the prince. Arthur was moving his mouth, forming silent words. 

“Goodnight, sire,” Merlin bowed. 

“Get back to Gaius’ alright, alright?” Arthur stammered, watching Merlin retreat. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Merlin smirked. 

Merlin slipped out the door. Finally.

He walked past the guards in Arthur’s hallway, carefully turning around a corner that was defintly not the way to Gaius. Sneaking past guards was easy. They never saw him, and if they got close, Merlin was quick to distract them. 

He rapped on Morgana’s door and was greeted by Gwen, who quickly let him in. It wasn’t that they were doing something illegal, but that was exactly what was happening. 

“Merlin!” Morgana jumped from her vanity to wrap her arms around him. 

“You guys only saw me a few hours ago, what’s this?” He grinned despite Gwen’s desperate attempt to soften her expression. He silently slipped the ring from his finger and put it into his pocket. 

“We’re worried about you!” Gwen gushed, and Merlin’s smile dimmed. Is this how it’s going to be?

“Well, don’t be. I’m not going anywhere.” Those words settled into the room, coating it like a weighted blanket. “I’m really- not going anywhere.” He bit his lip. The stone walls around him stood out more every hour. He quickly dismissed the thought. “Never mind that, what did you want help with?

Morgana nodded, beckoning him over to her vanity where the spellbook Merlin had given her was folded open. “I wanted help reading this.” It was a spell to induce a calming state, nothing as sinister as the dragon believed she would practice. She had once been teetering on embracing malevolency, when her powers were weaker; newer. Merlin couldn’t help but look for signs. All he saw was misguided compassion.

“I should be the one learning this,” The book was dogeared heavily, and Merlin flicked to the next marked page, finding a spell for knocking someone out at the top, the next was to make someone fall asleep (those were two different things), the next for good dreams, another for calming nausea, and another for peace of mind. “Are these all for me? I thought you wanted to learn the basics first?”

“These are fundamental, where I’m concerned.” Morgana took a step closer, pressing a nail into the page. 

The latch on their door rattled and burst open. Lancelot stumbled in, somehow looking graceful even as he was short on breath. He smiled awkwardly as he was met with their tense gazes. “I thought I’d get caught.” His smile waned as Merlin focused in on him. It was rare for him to show up to one of their meetings.

“Are you in on this too?” Merlin squinted. 

Lancelot gulped dryly. “Well, I haven’t made anything move with my mind yet, but I’m useful in other ways.”

Merlin shoved the book into Morgana’s chest. Nothing has changed! All he needed was caution. “Morgana! Lance-” He grumbled into his fist for half a second. “I thought I was here to teach you spells you wanted to learn,” He looked pointedly into Morgana’s eyes, “Not ones to protect your friend who has been condemned to death by your hell-stricken half-brother, and not even because of magic like I thought! Wow, I should probably go tell him, not like he’ll kill me when I’m like this!” He pointed at his chest. 

Merlin made to leave, but Morgana grabbed him by the sleeve with a stricken, “No!” 

“Why should I stay, to receive more pity?” Merlin sassed, giving her a look of feigned tolerance. 

She was furious. “You bring up Arthur like he caused all of this, then when we try to protect you, you hate us. Isn’t your anger misdirected? It’s not my fault Arthur overworked you.” 

It was all the hiding and running in addition to his chores. All that time spent on saving him. Too much time pretending he was somebody else. It was too much for his heart and mind. 

“It’s not just about that,” Merlin shook his head, too many aspects to think about at once. Their pity, his oppression. Morgana’s oppression. Too confusing. “I’m going back to Gaius, teach Lancelot all the magic you want, and see if that makes you feel any better.”

Lancelot butted in, “Merlin, do not be unfair, we care about you!”

“I cannot be told how to feel!” Merlin shuddered away. He knew he was in the wrong, but he didn’t know how to stop. “Gaius has to check me every day from now on. My heart is failing, my abilities are weakening.” He stayed stern. “I want to keep up, I’m trying to keep up, but I can’t.” Tears nearly squeezed past his eyes as he whined out the words, clutching the door behind him. 

“We’re just worried about you!” Lancelot said, his usually relaxed brow tense with confusion. Gwen’s face was confronted with worry. 

“I’m the same Merlin!” He cried. “I’m the same Merlin who can stop time and– take chances on those who want to harm me and my destiny.” His gaze shifts unconsciously to Morgana. “It’s not something to be won but tolerated. Ignored at best. Which is what I think you should all do.” Merlin finally made his way out, ready to take tonight’s sleeping draught from Gaius and forget. 

“He’s not adjusting well,” He heard Lancelot murmur consolingly through the door. Merlin sighed and ripped the ring out of his pocket, putting it on his finger to spin into infinity. “I’ve told the knights. They’re keeping on high alert.”

No matter how many times he explained it, nobody understood. They would never understand how his heart clenched, how he despaired. That he was mostly normal. That he still had his own aspirations, even if they were determined by fate, they didn’t have to know. At least Arthur was trying to give him normalcy. 

-

The King rolled in his bed. An attendant pressed a cool cloth to his forehead. 

“Igraine…” Uther murmured. 

“It’s all a dream,” The attendant sighed. Uther turned his head into his pillow, shaking off the towel. “Well, if you won’t cooperate.” They left. Nothing could be done to comfort King Uther. 

Something was different, very different. 

Uther wanted to repent. 

Visions of burning camps filled his mind’s eye; screams. He had once taken pleasure in hearing those screams. He had once taken pleasure in burning people. People!

They screamed and they wouldn’t stop screaming for generations worth of memories. He saw every person he beheaded and every person he drowned and lynched and every other despicable form of murder he had committed. 

His cries carried out into the halls some days. He sobbed, everywhere. He couldn’t unsee. He would never unsee and he couldn’t understand how different he felt now. How his perspective had changed. How he had ever done these things?

-

Merlin sat on the sidelines of the training field, sharpening Arthur’s sword as he practiced drills with his knights using a blunt one. 

The growing talent on the field was blatantly clear after the new additions to his squad. These knights practiced swordsmanship with passion, for survival or instinct, and were made for it. Made for teaching and demonstrating. No noble would know that they weren’t born of noble families. 

It was good Arthur had them, and it was good Uther was indisposed. Without him breathing down Arthur’s neck, there had been progress in the kingdom. Arthur spent a bit longer in the counsel rooms and doing the King’s work, but he had advisors to help him. Not to mention Merlin, who had helped him unroot the more devilish and self-inspired councilmen. Arthur spent his days mostly the same, doing whatever he was asked of without thought.

Merlin rubbed the grinding stone down the blade rhythmically, absent-mindedly. He didn’t notice Arthur falling over, getting pinned down by his knights. Didn’t notice Arthur sending him worried looks every few moments to the point of his distraction. Didn’t notice as a hand came down on his shoulder. 

Merlin jumped, looking up to find Kay staring at him. Oh, God. 

“Boy, would you mind doing me a favor?” He was much older, with a whiteness about his temples. His dirty blond hair was matted and Merlin wouldn’t mind pushing him into a river to fix it.

“Depends on the task,” Merlin hummed, resting the tip of the sword in the grass.

“What was that, boy? The correct answer is yes.” Kay ruthlessly tugged on his hair, pulling his neck to an uncomfortable angle. He clapped him on the ear and Merlin’s eyes bugged like a damn fish. 

“Well, you phrased it like a question,” Merlin mumbled, defying him as always. He knew Kay had bullied Arthur while he was younger. A man like Kay deserved no respect. Evidently, he was still a bully. “I work for Prince Arthur.”

Kay tightened the grip on his hair, and Merlin took a sharp breath. His heart started to race, but he tried to calm himself. Soon, someone would be here. “All I wanted was a pail of water, boy.” He raised the hand not holding him sharply but before it could beat down upon Merlin, a stronger hand stopped it. Merlin barely even flinched. 

“I hope you have a good reason for this,” Gwaine grunted into Kay’s reddened ear. “Unhand him.”

Merlin still squirmed beneath them on the bench, sword forgotten, hair nearly ripped from his skull. His eyes were wide open to see all that was going on around him. All he could, at this angle. 

“He always picks a fight and needs to be taught a lesson, as do you.” Kay’s red eyes flared with anger. 

Leon approached from behind Merlin almost silently. “Take your hands off our Merlin.” He held a knife at arm’s length. It glimmered in contrast to the man’s ugly teeth as he sneered.

Kay scoffed and flashed him a disgusted smile. “Our Merlin he is now! When I try to use him for a second-”

A dull sword pressed into Kay’s throat. 

“Unhand him,” Arthur pressed on, suddenly standing behind the man. He lead Kay away from Merlin, keeping the blunt edge of his sword millimeters away from his neck.

“What are you doing?” Kay, the senior knight, seized up, grabbing the blade of the sword when he realized he’d been tricked by his instincts, tugging, but Arthur held it firmly. 

Gwaine picked up the sharp sword from the ground and held it to his throat as well. 

“Gwaine,” Arthur side-eyed him. “Get his cloak.”

The newly-appointed knight stepped forward. Kay watched in dismay as he unclipped the buckle of his Pendragon red. He threw it on Merlin’s bench with disgust. 

“As of today, you are no longer a knight of Camelot.” Arthur’s eyes were steady, and with one swipe he pulled the sword from Kay’s hands. The man gaped, fury washing over him. “You’ve disrespected me and my kingdom enough. I should have the heart to banish you,” He said meditatively. 

Kay scoffed. “I practically taught you to walk!” He shot Merlin a look, showing the imbalance of their ages. Out with the old, in with the new, he thinks. “Wait until your father hears about this. Protecting a servant over one of your best knights.” He scoffed again as Arthur frowned. 

“Good thing he never will. Gwaine, put him in the dungeons,” Arthur said flippantly, breaking out of his Merlin-induced trance. He glanced down at Merlin who ran a hand through his ragged hair. “I’ll get someone special to watch over him.”

“With pleasure, sire,” Gwaine mock-bowed, manhandling Kay away with a hand over the man’s mouth.

Merlin’s wide eyes met Arthur’s. His lips quirked into a cheeky grin and he looked as dismayed as the first day he walked into Camelot. “What was that?” Merlin asked. He wasn’t wearing the ring today.

“I can’t have you dealing with him every day,” Arthur curled his upper lip between his teeth at Merlin’s raised eyebrows. “I should have done that a long time ago anyway.”

Merlin lightly punched Arthur in the thigh, which brightened him up a little. “You should banish him! Imagine that!” It elated him that Arthur finally took some action for once. He’d had too many knights take advantage of his servant title. 

“I can’t banish every bully in Camelot, Merlin.” 

Merlin stood to reach Arthur’s eye level.

“Oh, yes, or you’d have no army, right.” Merlin shook his head. “Can’t be too hopeful, can I?”

“Do my knights bully you, Merlin?” He looked worried again.

“No, no!” Merlin brushed it off, but it must have been obvious he was lying. Arthur sent him a deadpan look. “No!” His voice went reedy. 

Arthur turned and walked a few paces. He called across the field, “Percival! Go to the dungeons and relieve Gwaine of watching Kay.” Percival’s size would be a blatant show of power and progression in the face of Kay. Percival nodded and made his way off the field with a passing jibe at Elyan. 

Arthur walked back to Merlin, his hips jutting out slightly in his determined walk. The one which meant he had something to prove or somewhere to be. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Arthur hung his sword up on a rack. He turned to Merlin with a light smile.

“Won’t you be needing that?” Merlin gestured. 

“Not where we’re going,” Arthur smirked. He opened his palms before him, ready to tell Merlin one of his amazing ideas. “I want to live a day in your shoes. A day of Merlin.” He clapped them together.

“Why would you do that?” Merlin deadpanned. 

Arthur rolled his eyes playfully. “I know, it’s the worst thing I could think of, but someone has been telling me I need a bit more catharsis in my life to truly appreciate what I have.” Arthur poked him in the arm. “Come on, show me. I want to see what I can do better,” He said, no bit of shame on his face like Merlin would have expected.

“Is this going to be another ‘cooking for Gwen’ situation?” Arthur scowled. Merlin hunched his shoulders slightly. “You promise to do my tasks and I end up doing them anyway?” 

“Like I would do something nice for you and not Guinevere.” Arthur pushed passed him and ignored Merlin’s scoff. 

-

The kitchen is bustling as they weave through it, most of everyone stopping to bow in Arthur’s presence. 

“Keep working,” Arthur chided, waving them on. 

The cook didn’t even slap Merlin’s hand this time as he asked for a bit of extra meat for the “prince”.

Merlin smirked on the way up to Arthur’s room, peeling the slices of ham off the tray and right into his mouth. 

“You do this every day?” Arthur asked, slightly disgusted. 

“You don’t allow me time for lunch,” He shrugged, continuing to feed himself with one hand.

Normally Merlin would take the stairs two at a time, but just going up them one at a time was tough. 

Arthur shot him a concerned look and took the tray from Merlin’s hands. Merlin whispered a thank you and continued to pull himself up the stairs.

“Just that has you put out,” Arthur sighed. 

Merlin nodded. “I have to be careful.” 

Arthur’s helplessness would be a constant throughout the day as Merlin showed him how winded he got from mopping or scrubbing. He definitely couldn’t run a bath or do his laundry anymore. He was more than grateful that he didn’t have to muck out the horses anymore. That wasn’t even his job in the first place. 

By the time Arthur was finished with his dinner and ready for bed, he turned down the cover of his duvet, picked out his night clothes, and dressed himself into a shirt for a change. But instead of putting out the candles and slipping into bed, he turned to Merlin.

“Let’s go, I’ve still got to see what else you have to do.” Arthur prompted, making his way to the door with a coat wrapped around him to protect himself from the castle draft.

“I normally just have dinner,” Merlin stopped him.

Arthur smiled, opening the door. “Nonsense, I’m sure Gaius gives you chores.”

Merlin bit his lip as he followed Arthur into the hallway. “Don’t blame me if you wake up grumpy tomorrow from a lack of sleep.” His tired body ached, exerting himself a surprising amount in his demonstration of lacking ability.

“As if I’d ever do that,” Arthur grouched. 

They made their way down four flights of stairs then back up another, leaving Merlin swaying on his feet. Arthur deposited him at the dinner table.

“Back early tonight, Merlin?” Gaius raised an eyebrow.

Merlin side-eyed Arthur. “Yeah, Arthur’s been alleviating some of my chores.” He slumped onto the table, enjoying the cool wood and the sudden calmness of it. Finally, he had stopped moving. 

It was rather wonderful. He could feel himself drifting off to sleep. Morgana would hopefully understand his absence tonight. 

“If you have time then why don’t you help me with this tincture?” Gaius croaked. “I have to finish this before I start on dinner.” Merlin huffed into his arms as Gaius set a heavy cutting board on the table along with a pestle and mortar. “Grind this mugwort into a paste, quickly.”

“I can do it,” Arthur elected, seeing as Merlin wasn’t budging. 

Gaius tsked. “No, sire, I shouldn’t. Merlin can do it.” He didn’t question why Arthur was here, too used to them running with each other. He tapped on a hot bottle on his bench, something dark green bubbling inside of it. “Merlin, help me.”

Arthur sat beside Merlin and began to chop the herbs. Merlin swiveled his head to watch as Arthur quickly worked through them. Arthur stared dumbly at the pestle and mortar for a second, before putting the pieces together and gathering the herbs into it. He ground it to a paste in mere seconds, putting his whole back into it. Merlin sighed wistfully. 

Arthur sent him a strange look before he got up to give the sludge to Gaius. Gaius then tasked him with boiling some water and getting on with cooking their dinner. They had both given up on formalities. 

“You’re making dinner?” Merlin finally sat up, confused enough by this image. Arthur was collecting utensils, his brown coat covering his white sleep shirt, and belt nowhere to be seen. He was prepared for bed, not for cooking a servant’s meal.

“It’s just boiling some vegetables and meat. I’ve seen you do it enough,” Arthur shrugged. “How hard can it be?”

“Very hard, for someone like you!” Merlin rose and snatched the pot from his hands. Arthur grabbed it right back, a retort on the tip of his tongue. “You’ve never even seasoned something before!”

“Boys!” Gaius shouted, his eyebrow raised as always. “Stop your fighting! I’ve got fires lit everywhere, you’re going to burn this place down!” He scolded them and turned back to his potion. Merlin sighed, peeved. 

Arthur looked down at the pot, perturbed. “Sorry.” He let go of it. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Do you ever?”

“You remember I’m one of the most important people in this kingdom, never mind Albion, right?” Arthur put his hands on his hips and smirked defiantly. Merlin looked him up and down and left to fill the pot. “Damn it, Merlin!” Arthur exasperated, running forward. “Let me do that!” He stopped Merlin in the doorway. 

“Boys! One would think you two hadn’t seen seven summers yet!” Gaius had had enough. He sat down, a palm to his forehead. “Arthur, go fetch the fresh water, Merlin, start on the vegetables. My, I fear for this generation…” He dabbed his face with his sleeve. 

Arthur sighed, letting his guard down, pulling the pot from Merlin’s hands. “Hear that?”

Merlin rolled his eyes.

-

“I’m just going to help Merlin settle in. For the night,” Arthur said to Gaius, drawing out his sentence slowly, self-conscious of it sounding suspicious.  

“Alright, my lord. Have a good night, well when you leave anyway. Don’t rile Merlin up too much, he has work tomorrow,” Gaius bowed to him. Arthur smirked as he turned away, clipping up the stairs to Merlin’s room. Gaius must not understand his rudeness, too weary with age. Even such a good friend can’t give orders like that to a prince. With a soft knock and a scoff, he entered. 

Merlin was just slipping into his white nightshirt. He greeted Arthur with an unseemly grunt. 

Arthur took off his coat but with nowhere to hang it, opened Merlin’s cupboard. It was nearly empty. He gave a look around. All of Merlin’s belongings were still strewn around the floor. “Why don’t you put your things away?”

Merlin adjusted his waistband, fiddling with tightening the strings. He shrugged. “Why aren’t you returning to your chambers?” Merlin sat down in bed and adjusted his candle on his bedside table. He picked up a book and flipped it open. He rested the heel of it on his breastbone. 

“For this exact reason,” Arthur grabbed the book, lowering it to reveal Merlin’s face. “Your day hasn’t ended yet. I knew Gaius had you up to something. What are you reading?”

He pulled the book from Merlin’s weak grasp.

“Well, it normally is like that but-” Merlin reached out for it. “Give it back!”

“I’m sure it’s nothing incriminating.” Arthur glanced along the page. It seemed to include tales of a gorgeous valley and a virile man, the day’s sweat stuck to his pretty skin. “This doesn’t seem like research to me.” 

“Not everything is work! I only get a small amount of time to myself!” Merlin tried to take it out of Arthur’s hands but he raised it above his head. 

Arthur’s eyes dragged the page and he stopped when he came across a word. “Magic?” Why was he reading about magic? “Is this a prophecy?”

“It’s fiction, Arthur; fantasy! Now give it back!” Merlin snatched it out of his hand and fell back down on his bed from standing height. Instantly his face contorted in pain and he clutched at his chest. The book dropped to the floor. 

“Gaius!” Arthur shouted immediately. 

Within seconds of Merlin’s fall, the door to his room burst open. “I told you to leave him be!” Gaius shouted, striding over to put a hand over Merlin’s heart. Gaius power walked as fast as an old man could out of the room and came back with a tincture. “He’s paralyzed with fear!”

“If his heart’s the problem, what’s a bit of water and plant going to do?” Arthur asked, sticking close to Merlin’s other side despite Gaius’ obvious disproval.

“It’s a muscle relaxer. His heart is beating much too quickly. I’m hoping it will do the trick to calm him.” Gaius pressed his ear to Merlin’s chest. Minutes passed before he said anything. Merlin had resolutely drifted off. “His heart beat has slowed.” He raised himself stiffly. “You need to be more careful! He could have gone into cardiac arrest!”

Arthur’s eyes widened. “You mean his heart could have stopped?” He crossed his arms. He could feel his pulse in his wrists as he furled his hands.

“Yes,” Gaius said stiffly. “And you would have had to start it again.”

“Me?” A sense of doom blanketed Arthur. “I can make him better? I’m a variable here? I don’t understand.”

“Yes, I’m much too old. Restarting a heart is taxing, my lord. I must show you how in case this happens again and his heart stops,” Gaius sighed. He picked up Merlin’s wrist. “Check his pulse on his wrist or neck, you should know how, then-”

“Check his breathing,” Arthur cut in. “And if there is none, he’s dead.” He furrowed his brow.

Gaius raised an eyebrow. “Yes, then the next step is to try and restart the heart. Get him on a firm surface, then,” He leaned over Merlin and placed both his hands over the center of his chest. “You need to press deep into the ribcage from directly above, and you’ll possibly break them, but he can survive that. Press two or three inches deep.”

Merlin was lying there, completely unaware of what they were discussing. It made Arthur’s skin crawl.

“And then what?” Arthur bit out.

“Keep the compressions quick and keep doing them for two minutes. Then you tilt back his head so his tongue doesn’t block his throat,” He demonstrated, lifting Merlin’s chin. “And then administer two quick breaths, just enough to inflate the chest ever so slightly. Then go back to his heart.” He grabbed Merlin’s empty cup from beside his bed to refill it. He frowned down at the young man. “Go until he starts breathing. There’s a slim chance of survival.” He gulped dryly. “But you two need each other more than you know.”

Arthur stepped closer to Merlin’s body. Arthur dropped his hands from where he had them crossed, letting them brush the mattress. He sighed. He loved pulling Merlin across the courtyard on a sunny day. He could picture it. The breeze blowing through Merlin’s shabby linens while Arthur was stifled in his leather coats. He raised his left hand to Merlin’s shoulder and rested the backs of his fingers there. It was incredible Merlin had even survived this long. He was always there, during so many attacks. So many high-pressure situations. 

They were too much for a farm boy. His time raised in such poverty in Cenred’s land must have been what made him so resilient. But also so shameless. Merlin still didn’t understand hierarchy. He could talk back to the king and be put in the stocks a thousand times before he understood. 

“I’ll let you be, sire,” Gaius bowed. “Please get your rest.” Gaius made to exit while Arthur was unresponsive. 

The prince sighed and reveled in the motion of Merlin’s breathing. He moved to walk around the bed to sit in the chair, but his foot caught on something. It was harder than it looked. Arthur picked up a few shirts off the ground and threw them over his arm. A large book sat on the floor. Merlin sure did like to read. He heaved it up and moved to put away the shirts in the cabinet. He flicked through the book, but finding the words in a language he did not speak, put it away in the cupboard too. Merlin knew not only one language, but two? He was becoming more surprising by the day. Arthur shoved the rest of Merlin's clothes away haphazardly. 

He picked up the book of “fiction” off the ground too. What a foreign concept it was. Reading something with no truth. 

Merlin was blissfully asleep. Arthur replayed the image of Gaius tilting back his head, placing his arms rigidly above his heart. He fell silently into the chair.

“Oh, you really are the worst,” Arthur remarked snidely. Merlin lay there, unresponsive.

Gwen had once talked to Arthur in his sleep, and he still remembered the embarrassment on her face when she realized he heard everything. Arthur picked up the ring off his nightstand and threaded it back on Merlin’s ring finger. “You try and get yourself killed at every possible chance. It’s just another one of your talents, at this point.” Gaius tilting back Merlin’s head flashed before his eyes again. Merlin was so calm now. He couldn’t hear the hammering in Arthur’s chest. He could probably feel something much worse in his own.

Arthur reached forward and put his fingers under the hard bone of Merlin’s chin. He pressed up gently. He let go. Merlin extracted a small noise and Arthur tensed. Did he hurt him?

He quickly looked down, and finding the book on his lap, opened it. He skimmed another passage and found nothing but treason. The sexy man was in love with a sorceress. Who wrote this? There was no pen name. No one to prosecute. Arthur grumbled and kept reading. 

It was different from the stories he’d heard about magic from his father and his governesses. They always said magic got in the way of the kingdom’s success. Magic users were tyrants, not meadow-dwelling, flower-picking dolls. This sorceress had successfully enraptured a knight, seemingly without any magic. Arthur smirked and put his feet up on Merlin’s bed. Like that was possible. From experience, he knew witches could only find love through deceit. He skipped to the end. 

The sorceress dies. The man grieves. He wages a war in her honor. 

Arthur clapped the book shut. “The sorceress-!” He guffawed but stopped his sentence short as Merlin squirmed. Merlin needed to wake up if he wanted to know how the story ended. Arthur pulled Merlin’s blanket up further. “The sorceress lives happily ever after, I bet you think. Always rooting for the little guy.” He wagged a finger in Merlin’s face before he gently pet his hair. Merlin’s eyelashes fluttered. He was sickly. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

-

Morgana’s room was quiet, as expected. She beckons him in when he knocks. Normally she would stand to greet him, but her door was inexplicably unlocked. She lay awake in bed, illuminated by white light. She was more ethereal than a passing spirit.

“You really should have your door locked at this time of night, ‘Gana. I know Gwen has a key.” Arthur’s boots tapped along the floor as he found himself at the foot of Morgana’s bed. She sat up slowly. 

“Merlin is sick, isn’t he?” She cut to the chase. “He’s worse.” She rubbed her arms, cold. Her lips were strictly downturned. Not a wobble surpassed it. This was why Morgana was best to mope with. She knew not to cry as well as Arthur did. 

“He’s not doing well and I scared him,” Arthur sighed and leaned against the side of her mattress. He faced the window and bathed in moonlight. He frowned. “He passed out just now. His heart nearly stopped. Can’t help but think it was all my fault.” He brushed his hands against his thighs, deep in thought. 

Morgana nodded, raising her eyebrows. “It probably was. Everyone knows you’re not delicate.” She rested her arms on her knees, her duvet between them. Her white chamise was dainty and pure, the latter not unlike herself.

“Why would I ever be delicate with him, he’s my manservant,” Arthur scoffed, reinforcing his barrier against affection.  

“You love him, stop lying to yourself,” Morgana smirked but before it could even last a second it was falling. To love and to lose was a horrible fate. “Oh, lord.”

Arthur bit his lips shut. He waited for a beat. “How am I going to live without him? You know father is ill too- that would be two people,” I care about, “gone forever.” He shook his head. “They’re not dying.”

“Don’t make this about Uther. Stop trying to mask your feelings with this again.” Morgana chided. 

“Oh, just because I care about our father doesn’t mean you have to,” Arthur said sarcastically and shook his head in grief. “I don’t understand it.”

“Just because I hate seeing innocent people murdered?”

“They practiced magic, they weren’t innocent.”

“Arthur, you have yet to see the good side to magic.”

“That's a falsity left to fantasic books. I caught Merlin reading one today. Let’s hope there’s not an epidemic of those filthy novels. I don’t see why you have the jurisdiction to defend them either.”

Morgana seethed and felt out of her skin with disgust. “This is why I can only stand to tolerate Uther. He’s made you into a man who hates. I hope you can turn that around at some point.” She kicked his side lightly from under the covers. He didn’t deserve Merlin. 

“You’ll never run a kingdom, Morgana. You don’t understand the decisions that must be made to maintain the peace.” His brow tensed and he tried to rub it away. 

“You’ve made this about Uther!” Morgana shoved him on realization. 

“You don’t even care about the state he’s in!” Arthur retorted, backing off her bed. 

“No, I am happy that he can see all the pain he has caused. Maybe when he breaks out of it he’ll be a better man and a better father!” Morgana insisted. “Now sit back down and let me console you before you die of a broken heart! You’re here to talk to me about Merlin.” Her accent sharpened, revealing that part of her that would forever remain unknown to Arthur. The time before they met. 

Arthur wanted to pace out of there. He turned towards the door. Then he pictured Gaius tilting Merlin’s head back. He felt the lifeless lips on his own and he swallowed dryly. “We need to keep Merlin safe.” 

“I agree. What do you plan to do?” Morgana sat up straighter, watching closely as Arthur turned to face the window and sat on the edge of her bed. His pursed lips curled around his thumb with worry.

“Is it bad that I don’t know?” He asked softly.

“Of course not.” Morgana kneeled forward and enveloped him in a hug. Arthur gently raised a hand to rest on her shoulder blade and jutted his lips against her shoulder, still stuck in their pensive pout. “I’ve got something in the works for Merlin, but I’ll protect you too, now.”

Arthur laughed lightly and rubbed his hair into Morgana’s cheek. “Do you need a sleeping draught? You seem to be a bit loopy from exhaustion already.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse to visit Merlin again.” She rolled her eyes.

Arthur wrapped a second arm around her. “I guess I should rest too.”

“Yes, of course. You need to be strong for Merlin,” Morgana stated as they pulled apart.

Fondness overcame Arthur’s face and speech as he retorted, “Shut up.”  

-

When Merlin awoke he pushed out a breath, disturbing a cobweb on the ceiling. 

His body ached with an unfamiliar sense of fatigue, worse than his usual. He wanted to go back to sleep. But then he remembered. Arthur. He saw the book. Merlin should’ve have ever brought it out in front of him. His mind must not work properly when it’s tired. 

“Oh, goddess…” Merlin looked down at his hands and curled them into fists. How much he wanted this to end. Stowing way this part of himself. 

He pulled up his blanket to his chin and rolled over. The emptiness of the chair greeted him and he shut his eyes as his stomach churned. Arthur couldn’t suspect, could he? 

Arthur was angry when he saw it. 

Merlin’s vision flooded with images of Arthur, shouting, screaming, “you’re a liar! How could I have ever trusted you!”

“How could I have ever trusted you?” Merlin squeaked. The Arthur advanced, prodding him for answers. “How could I have trusted this clotpole?” Merlin cried. “How?”

-

“Merlin?” Morgana pushed open the door of the physicians’ and unsurprisingly found him nose-deep in tinctures. “Are you busy?”

“Um,” Merlin licked his lips. “I’m just preparing Gaius’ rounds. Is Arthur looking for me?” 

Morgana smiled. “No, I was.”

“For what?” Merlin hummed. “I know you tried to come by last night. Sorry, I got wrapped up.”

“No, I know you were enjoying your time with Arthur, no need to come visit your apprentice.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows in the way he does when he has no say; when he knows he has been pushed into a corner. He opens his mouth to respond and raises a palm to his hairline. “I would have. I really would have. I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“I understand,” Morgana nodded. “I knew things would be different for you but I didn’t realize how different until you said something.” She lowered her head. “I was wrong.”

“It’s fine, Morgana.” She still didn’t understand how helpless she made him feel, after days of feeling desolate, but he had to work with her. 

“Are you still going to teach me?”

“As long as I’m still breathing.” It wouldn’t be worth turning her bad again if he refused. It wasn’t that he was scared of her, but he couldn’t stop her if she did become more powerful than him.

“Thank you, Merlin,” Morgana ran forward to give him a small hug and he was taken back to when she had come to Ealdor to save his mother. She had fought to protect his village. He squeezed her and wiped away a tear before they pulled apart. “Let me know if you need help; with anything.” It was going to be okay. Merlin knew it.

-

Arthur smoothed a hand over the maps on his table. They crinkled as his fingertips ran over their bumps, caused from water damage and their unjust treatment during the attack. “The Tomb of Rich Kane.” Arthur held them before his nose. “Any idea how we should pinpoint its location? Have you heard any stories about where it’s most likely to be?” He squinted, not giving a glance to Merlin, who sat before the fireplace. “Any clues?” Merlin’s flint and steel scraped in the silence.

Merlin was very focused on his task, trying to get the knife at the right angle for a spark. He never got used to using one of these. It was always easier to use a flash of his eyes, a few mumbled words. 

“Merlin?” 

“Hmm?” Merlin looked over his shoulder. 

“Do you know anything about the tomb?”

“Why don’t you check the maps?” Merlin turned back to the fire and hit the flint and steel again. He scraped at the steel while Arthur curled his lip in. 

Arthur stood suddenly. “That’s taking you a lot longer than normal. Lose your touch?” He knelt to try and take the flint and steel from Merlin’s hands.

“No, I can do this. I can at least do this,” Merlin felt tired in a different way recently. Usually, it was from being overworked. Now he just felt a dull ache from being stripped of his duties. His energy was directed further to fretting about his magic. He blinked away a tear and struck it again with his hands buried in the kindling. 

Arthur sat fully on the ground, deciding this was going to take a while. “You’ve always been useless,” He said flippantly, leaning back on his hands.

Merlin struck again and waited for the kick at his backside, but it didn’t come, and that made the comment hurt even more. 

“You never fight, you do all your chores wrong; never listen to what I say,” Arthur shook his head. “It makes me wonder why I keep you around.” He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees before the hearth. 

Merlin’s back was turned to Arthur, and Arthur couldn’t tell if he was frowning or smiling. He hoped it was the latter. The manservant continued his labors, his power weakening with each strike. 

“So,” Arthur licked his lips, “Who was this Rich Kane fellow?”

Merlin took a deep breath. “He was a sorcerer. He was plagued with bad dreams and traumatic memories that wouldn’t let him rest his mind, so he found a way to stop them.” There was a jealous edge to Merlin’s voice. He took a deep breath and carefully peeled the flint once more. A spark flashed and it gratefully clung to the shredded wood. He watched for a moment as embers developed and he blew gently, encouraging the fire. 

“He sounds like my father.”

Merlin’s gentle smile of success faded. “In a way.”

“Haunted by their own memories,” Arthur stated.

“Kane’s hurt was mostly caused by others, and it had terrible effects on his psyche, a horrible, tortuous, self-inflicted pain,” Merlin sighed. “Your father is haunted by the memories of those he hurt.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. Merlin wasn’t letting that go, was he? “He does it,” The unspoken it of prosecution, “in my honor, and my mother’s honor. He doesn’t want a sorcerer killing an innocent civilian.” 

“They are innocent civilians!” The second the words passed his lips, Merlin knew he could be done for. Using less magic wasn’t enough to protect himself. 

“You speak treason again, Merlin!” Arthur didn’t even have the energy to shove Merlin as he got to his feet. He paced away. “You and Morgana!”

“You don’t understand!” Merlin spluttered. The fire was starting to grow and the smoke had Merlin’s eyes watering. 

“No, I know what you mean!” Arthur rushed out a breath. His eyes flickered in the low light. Merlin knew they were dangerous, judging things. He looked disgusted and torn. “I wish you at least had empathy for my father. He’s not a bad man, he’s just a king who does what he has to for his kingdom and to keep the people’s respect.”

“I don’t think anybody respects a tyrant capable of genocide!” Merlin shouted before the thought fully formed in his mind. 

“Treason.” Arthur wilted, leaned heavily on a chair and wiped his pale forehead. His cheeks were flushed and hot. “I was taught to run men through who speak like you do.”

“I’m sorry-” Merlin was sick on the words. He didn’t know why he apologized. He wanted to take them back. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“It’s okay, Merlin, I know you’re tired.” Arthur gulped. “You’re from Cenred’s kingdom. Sorcerers there lead a halfway decent life. You just haven’t learned yet. That it’s different here.” He took a deep breath. “I understand your concerns.”

“You do?” Merlin’s eyes widened.

“I’ve done a few things in my life I thought were wrong, Merlin. Things that plague me.” He stared blankly at the table, his lips slightly agape. “Things that will never leave me. Things I had no control over at the time, but I know if I had just been stronger I could have-” His voice broke painfully. “I could have saved them all.”

“Thank you, Arthur,” Merlin blinked away tears. He didn’t fully understand what Arthur was referencing, but the show of sympathy was telling enough. Even though they shared a fear of sorcery, Arthur was not his father and never was. 

Arthur’s gaze sharpened. He wanted to ask questions, but he shut his lips. “Clearly we both have some past… t-” He gulped and let out a shaky breath.

“Trauma?”

“That,” Arthur gripped the chair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Merlin smiled. “No,” he said softly. “But someday I hope you and I will. Express our feelings.” He took a deep breath and ran his sleeve over his wet face as Arthur chuckled, his voice wavering. 

“Me too,” Arthur nodded. “There’s still a lot I don’t know about you.” His hand trailed along the table as he came to stand before Merlin. Arthur grinned. He simultaneously loved and hated moments like these when Merlin felt so impossibly bigger than him. Tall, fey, and beautiful. Imposing. His presence was as demanding as his own. It was too much for a servant to possess, but when was he ever just a servant? “Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”

Merlin scoffed, and his eyes flicked down to Arthur’s neck for a split second. “You know I don’t need the help. You still need to get undressed, anyway.”

“I know how to take my shirt off, thank you, Merlin.” He rolled his eyes good-naturedly “I think we’ll go find that tomb soon. See what’s in it.”

“Hopefully the cure to Uther’s ills.” Merlin bowed his head in honor. 

Arthur leaned his weight onto the table languidly, letting his gaze slip down Merlin’s form. “We have to cure him soon. Sooner or later a neighboring kingdom will want to come visit to keep up their good relations, but when they see there’s no king, things could go south…” Arthur kneaded his lips between his teeth. His face smoothed at the sound of Merlin’s voice.

“I’m sorry I can’t go, I want to,” Merlin looked up through his lashes, a light smile barely breaking through. “But I heard Morgana was looking for some adventure.”

“Trying to get away from that harpy, I see.” Arthur teased. He jabbed Merlin in the waist lightly, making him squirm. “Go on to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Merlin smiled shyly and left, feeling much happier than he had in a while. It wasn’t long before he got to Gwaine’s chambers where he rapped on the door. Gwaine walked Merlin back to his room. The knights had a rotation, never wanting Merlin to be caught alone. They couldn’t risk it.
 

-

Today had been hard on Merlin and he could feel it from the lightness in his head, to the constricting of his heart to the aching in his calves. 

Arthur was visiting tonight, like he sometimes did to keep an eye on him. Gaius had made a wonderful stew for a change, and Arthur took a serving, although he had already eaten. 

The bowl in front of Merlin should have been inviting. It was steaming hot, reds and greens poking through the thick, brown broth. It was packed full of meat and spices and hearty potato and a bigger selection of vegetables than ever. 

Merlin touched his spoon but it felt as if it had just come out of the forge, and he jumped. Heat rose to his cheeks. His stomach turned. Suddenly he wished he was in a chair with a back he could lean against, and not the bench of Gaius’ table. 

“Not to your taste?” Arthur chewed with his mouth open. “This stew is similar to the one you cook, but better. The spices are better.” He hummed around his spoon as he took another bite.

Merlin wiped his forehead and leaned his head in his hand. “Sorry, sire. I thought I must have learned to cook how you like.”

Arthur quirked an eyebrow. The respect was unexpected. “It’s fine, just needs a little work. Thank you, Gaius.” Arthur shifted his gaze to Gaius who thanked him in return. “It’s wonderful.”

Merlin sighed wistfully. It should be past the point where Arthur’s comments hurt him however small they were. They stung. Arthur wasn’t aware of it in the slightest. He didn’t seem to notice how hard Merlin toiled, just to receive complaints. 

The prince could see the unease written on Merlin’s body, the way he hunched forward and paled. Merlin’s face was teetering on peeved, but he was masking it well. He still hadn’t touched the soup which was so glamorous. 

Arthur slipped his hand across the table and accosted Merlin’s spoon. Arthur stuck it in Merlin’s bowl and scooped up a precarious spoonful of what was mostly potato. 

It would be the easiest on the stomach presumably, its flavor mild enough. 

He held it aloft, considering it. “You haven’t had anything to eat yet.” He moved the spoon closer to Merlin’s lips. 

Merlin’s stomach lurched and he jerked away like a child. 

Merlin pointed at his chest and pounded on it lightly in show. “I’m feeling faint.”

His body felt as if it was full of bees. They were dancing under his skin. He wanted to take flight and dance, leave, leave everything if he could. He felt like crying or passing out. He wanted some kind of relief. He didn’t know how relief would be possible. A knot in his head burned like starfire and his skin prickled with heat. He was falling.

“Merlin!” Arthur was suddenly at his shoulder. “We need to get him on his back!”

-

When Merlin woke up from his haze, not much time had passed. He had been stripped of his breeches and neckerchief, easier to get off than his shirt. He felt flushed and sick. 

No one was in the room, and he magicked over his water cup, taking a cool drink from it.

“Gaius,” He croaked as he sat up. His vision swam and his head lolled forward. He stood regardless and uneasily slipped his breeches on which had been left over the back of the chair. He opened the door his room and shuffled a few steps out. 

Gaius was just collecting what was left of their meal. “Oh, Merlin. I didn’t think you would be up again.” The pot clanged as Gaius jostled the ladle, and Merlin’s head smarted.

“Ah,” Merlin hissed and held his head. He didn’t know what words to say, and waited there a second, just understanding that he was standing up, and that his heart ached and his head was light, but he felt immeasurably better than he did earlier. “How long?”

“You must’ve passed out less than an hour ago. Arthur just left.” Gaius shrugged as he moved the pot of stew to the fire to keep warm for another few hours before it was inevitably tossed to the pigs.

“Why’d he leave?” Merlin frowned as he shifted his hand. 

“I asked him to.” Gaius crossed his hands like he does with nobility, and spoke slowly. 

“He was being an arse. I guess it’s better that he left,” Merlin hummed. A spike of hate rose in him and thrummed beneath his skin. He wasn’t sure what exactly caused it.

“Yes, it doesn’t help him to worry here all night,” Gaius huffed. “He cares about you a great deal.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Of course, he hangs around all day to remind me to be sorry for myself. I feel great.” There it was. He curled his hands into fists, letting them drop to his hips.

“He suggested something to me.” Gaius blinked a few times in quick succession; his nerves showing was a rare event. “He told me not to say anything yet, because it was only a thought. But one crafted from love. I think it’s important to say.”

Merlin face dropped further, weighed down as Gaius spoke. 

“He thought you might be better off in Ealdor.”

Merlin squinted. “Ealdor…” What good was he in Ealdor?

“I know that goes against your destiny, but you’ve done that before with Morgana.” Gaius stopped for a beat. “He said it would be good for you to live a simpler life with your mother. You would have less to worry about, no chores, a countryside. He said he could move you with a comfortable bed to sleep on and a sentry if you wished.”

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t want any of that.” He would be abandoning his destiny.

“I know. He said it was just an idea. He just wants the best for you and he thinks you’ll have less trouble there than you do here.”

“He shouldn’t treat me like I’m somebody!” Merlin shouted. 

“Somebody?” Gaius raised an eyebrow.

“Somebody special, who needs special treatment.” Merlin huffed. He stood at the top of his steps regally, and felt every bit of the ruler that he was to Arthur. “If I moved back I would want the same treatment as everyone else. I don’t need special privileges. All I would ask for would be to stay, and that’s an even bigger ask.” He jutted out his jaw, his mind slowly imploding on itself. “I think I may go lay back down.”

“Go easy on yourself, Merlin.” Gaius warned. “Fretting about this won’t do you any good.”

Arthur could cast him away with a snap of his fingers.

-

Arthur called a meeting in his chambers to look over the maps to the tomb they had obtained a few weeks before. His knights and Gaius pressed in closely around his dining table.

“It looks like the tomb is between this smaller hill here,” Arthur pointed. “And under the Southern Ridge. It would take two days to get there through this path here. There are a few landmarks noted. I hope it will be enough that it’s not an issue of finding it.” The parchment was wrinkled and dirty from Merlin’s fall off the horse, but Arthur didn’t mind too much, scraping bits of dirt off with his nail as he went along. “We were going to try and find it on the way back from Nemeth, with Merlin there, but I’m not sure if sending Merlin out would be safe.” They needed someone who could read the ancient inscriptions.

“No, sire. I will go,” Gaius stood tall and watched Merlin seethe in the corner of his vision.

“That’s settled. Now that Merlin is mostly right again, we should leave as soon as possible.” Arthur had been dressed in his armor today and looked every part of the prat prince. The others nodded in agreement. “Tomorrow, at first light.”

“But If we all go, who will watch Merlin?” Gwaine asked. It sounded like a jibe, but he was completely serious. 

Arthur turned to Merlin, who was standing behind his shoulder. He placed a hand heavy on Merlin’s shoulder, the leather of his glove gave a soft squeak as he tightened his grip on Merlin’s jacket. “Morgana,” He leaned a bit more onto Merlin before he let go. 

Merlin quickly eyed Lancelot. He started, “But sire, the Lady Morgana wants to come with us.” Not only did Merlin want her to apply her magic in the real world, but she had been having clairvoyant dreams recently. She would be there. 

“The woods are no place for a Lady,” Leon’s brow furrowed. “She should stay in Camelot.” Everyone ignored him. 

The prince rolled his eyes and pat Merlin on the back as Merlin spoke, “I can take care of myself.” Merlin’s voice tilted up at the end, adamant but sheathed in youth. Arthur couldn’t take him seriously in a group of his knights.

“We can take Morgana, but don’t think these days I’m gone will be peaceful, Merlin. I’m trusting you and Guinevere can keep the physicians running,” He stated, but his raised and wrinkled brow read as a question. An ‘Are you okay with that?’ but more condescending and commanding. 

Gaius nodded in agreement. “You can do that, Merlin. Have Gwen do all the running and you’ll be fine.” He raised his head proudly. ”I trust you.”

“Okay, Gaius,” Merlin huffed. His days had become longer as of recently. Apart from the occasional amusement found in Arthur’s overprotectiveness, the most exciting parts of his day were at night when he could practice spells with Morgana. 

“We got to keep you in shape, Merlin. Can’t get too used to rest.” Arthur finally moved away from Merlin to roll up the maps. 

Merlin’s fists curled tightly, and he hid them behind his back. “Of course, sire.” 

Arthur was hiding the vulnerable part of himself that had become so evident the past few weeks. For all Arthur whimpered about wanting Merlin off his feet, it was always met with a jibe about Merlin’s laziness, especially around others. It would be good for Arthur to leave for a few days. He was insufferable sometimes. 

-

Gwen prepared dinner in the physicians for a change. Merlin would have preferred to go to Gwen’s but she said it would be more convenient to eat in the castle. Even Gwen could be overprotective. 

“It was the best I could do,” Gwen sighed. She set a bowl down before Merlin and smoothed down her skirt as she sat down.

“No, it’s lovely, Gwen,” Merlin said quietly. 

He stared miserably at his pork and beans. At least it was warm and edible. 

He took tentative bites.

“Something on your mind, Merlin?” Gwen asked from across the table.

“Someone, more like.” He grunted, hitting the butt of his spoon into the table for emphasis. “Ugh, Arthur, he’s driving me insane.” He took a more aggressive bite of beans.

“That bad?” Gwen chewed silently. “He has been off lately,” She drawled.

“Off? He’s not been leaving me alone, or letting me do anything I wish to do.” He swallowed, mind flicking back to Arthur’s suggestion. “He said he would send me back to Ealdor.” Tears stung at his eyes. 

“Oh, Merlin,” Gwen tutted. “He only does all that because he cares about you.” She paused for a moment to think. “If he thinks sending you away would be best for you, he would do it.”

“I’ve heard this before. From my mother.” Merlin bit his lip. “It’s an odd way to care about someone.” He tried to take another bite, finding it slightly less repulsive than before.

“He won’t force you to leave,” Gwen huffed. “When did he tell you this?”

“He told Gaius a few days ago while I was sick. I’m not supposed to know.” Merlin fiddled with the pepper shaker, imagining for a second that it was Arthur and he waggled it back in forth in a taunt. Crying, Merlin? Typical. Do you need me to wipe those tears for you? 

“He’s worried about you, Merlin, he’s going to have ideas like that. He is the self-sacrificing type.”

“What about this is self-sacrificing?”

“He wouldn’t ever want to leave you unless it was what he believed to be right. If he thinks you would be happier or live longer if you moved back to Ealdor, then he wants to offer that to you. Your survival is more important to him than his own happiness.”

Merlin’s stomach churned. Did he make Arthur happy? He thought of himself as more of a general nuisance. They could be friends, Arthur had said once, if things were different. Merlin had many friends, but none of them were as clingy as Arthur.

“Yeah,” Merlin breathed in. “Yeah, maybe.”

-

“Are you sure you’re alright, Merlin?” Gwen asked in a friendly manner, her laundry basket pressed to her side as Merlin flew about the physicians in a manner not dissimilar to the bird he was named after. 

“Positively,” Merlin said gayly, and tore out of his room, his pillow and blanket tucked under opposite arms. 

“You might freeze to death out there,” Gwen worried, following behind him.

“I’ve spent enough cold nights outside to know I don’t have a limit.” He stumbled out the door and turned determinedly to the stairs. “‘Night, Gwen, see you tomorrow!”

She called goodbye as he started his ascent. 

He could only make it as far as a secluded battlement, not a high tower like he’d hoped, but it would do nicely. He leaned his pillow against a wall and sat down. The stone floor froze his arse through his thin breeches, but he didn’t mind too much. 

He leaned back against his pillow and glanced up… This is why he came up here. 

Millions of stars covered the night sky, twinkling their hello. Merlin had taken to counting them when he couldn’t sleep on occasion during a quest or journey. There were too many to count as they went as far as the eye could see. Has anyone ever counted them all before? 

Did everybody look at the same stars? 

Everyone had to look at the same moon. There was only one of them.

His eyes fluttered shut as he imagined his friends, somewhere lost along Camelot’s southern boarder, looking up at that sky. It’s a home that follows you. One that everyone shares. 

-

“It’s another blue light!” Arthur whispered in amazement. 

Their convoy had settled down to camp for the night less than an hour ago, their bags removed from horses but bedrolls not unraveled. They were about to start dinner before the large glowing orb appeared above their campfire. 

Gaius looked at Arthur alarmedly. “You’ve seen this before, sire?”

Gwaine raised to his feet the second he got his hands on his sword. “What is it?” 

He tried to tap it, but it bobbed out of the way. It seemed to have a mind of its own. Morgana watched in wonder as it moved to the edge of the clearing.

“Of course I’ve seen it before.” Arthur heaved himself up and fetched his sword from where it stood planted in the soil. He followed it, the blue light reflecting off his face. 

“Is it evil, sire?” Leon pressed.

“No, it saved me a few years back. It provided me light to lead me to safety while I was deep in a cavern.” He frowned. “I wonder what it’s doing here.”

“It must be here to guide us, then.” Gwaine stepped around over the log he was using as a seat, and walked closer to the orb. It moved away from him. “It wants us to follow it.”

“We only just stopped!” Leon huffed.

“Should we get the horses?” Arthur called to the light with his fists pressed to his hips. The light bobbed up and down. “That’s not an answer.”

“Let’s bring everything with us,” Morgana stood. “I have a feeling we’ll be going a long way.”

“Well why wouldn’t it come in the day, then?” Leon asked, his tone just shy of snide. 

“It’s a giant light!” Morgana raised her voice, lifting her arms to gesture to it. “It’ll light the way!”

The light bobbed again.

“I agree with you, my lady.” Gwaine sheathed his sword in his scabbard, quick to grin. “Let’s get moving.”

“How many times have I told you that that’s my line?” Arthur asked dryly. 

“Too many,” Elyan laughed, latching his bag. 

They cleaned up their camp quickly. Percival put away the cooking supplies with a sigh. Elyan got out their most trusted map, rolled it, and tied it to his belt. Lancelot put out the fire with the last of his water. They strapped their bags to their horses and left, following the mysterious light. 

“You, trusting magic? Thought I’d never see the day.” Morgana rode alongside Arthur at the front of their convoy. Travel was slow as the light led them onto a tight path crowded with foliage. 

“And you’re leading my knights,” He smirked, pushing away a tree branch. “You’re a lot like Merlin, you know.”

Morgana didn’t hide her smile. “A compliment? I could blush.”

“I meant it at an insult,” Arthur quipped in defence. “You had a feeling we’d need the horses.”

“It’ll be a long journey.” 

“You just have a feeling it will be?” Arthur shrugged in question, spreading his lips into a clueless pout. “You and Merlin must be in cahoots, you’re beginning to share too many similarities.” 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Morgana glanced behind at Gaius. He was staring straight ahead, lost in thought and clearly uncomfortable on a horse. 

“It’s more than likely. You’re spending some amount of time with him.” 

“We aren’t. Where would you get the idea?”

“He talks about you sometimes. It’s strange,” He said flatly. “When you two first met I thought he had a hopeless crush on you, then later it was like he hated you. Now it’s more neutral, hopeful, the way he talks about you,” Arthur huffed. “I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“No, you’re right about that.”

There was a time when Morgana began to lead herself astray. Her sister had shown up from thin air, and nearly convinced Arthur to kill Uther. It had scared her but part of her wished Arthur had gone through with it. Her past self foolishly believed that Uther should die for what he had done. 

She had magic. All her life she had magic, and there was no one there to confirm that she did. She thought she was messed up, wrong, until Morgause had come along and it had made sense. When it was revealed that Morgana was Uther’s daughter, Morgause convinced her she needed to be on the throne to save those like her. Magic users needed to be freed of fear of prosecution. She felt she had been been destined to be in the right position to serve justice in the form of Uther’s execution. Uther’s and Arthur’s.

Merlin cut in at the right time. He told her about his magic. Morgause had just placed the curse upon Uther, unbeknownst to Merlin, but Morgana knew full well it was her. Merlin convinced her enough justice had been served, if that was what she wanted. Their king was perpetually miserable and was facing his wrongdoings. 

She knew she would be exiled if she continued with her path. She saw a dark future, so she took a chance with Merlin. Her powers were still minimal. He offered to teach her and keep her good relations. 

Merlin knew of her magic before she fully realized what it was. For a long time he was scared of the power she possessed, and kept his own powers hidden from her. He resented her for going against the crown, which he expressed fully. Arthur was so incredibly important to him, and she wanted to be just as important to Merlin as Arthur. 

Eventually when light started to rise and Elyan had made many unintelligible marks on their map, they stopped. 

The tomb was carved into the side of a steep hill, about two Arthur’s tall, shaped with two giant slabs of stone and green with age. The whole thing had been carved with intricate designs and runes. There appeared to be an opening on its right side, just a sliver of darkness.

They thankfully didn’t need to enter to find what they were looking for. 

“Ah, here we are,” Gaius found a circular marking on the door and beckoned Morgana over. He spoke in a low voice, “This incantation must be read before we are given the spell to cure him. Can you do that?”

Morgana glanced behind her. The knights were all sleepily piling on top of each other, the only alert ones being Arthur and Lancelot, who stood far enough away by the horses. “Yes, I can.”

“Good. I fear you are much better than me at this.” He chuckled. “Can you read this?” 

The letters were still unfamiliar but Morgana sounded them out carefully and Gaius corrected her at points. She put her hand on the carved incantation and let her magic flow through her. She cupped the mark as it started to glow. Glittering words appeared. She read them, unsure of their meaning. “Gaius?”

He swore and shouted, “Arthur, get me some parchment, my ink pot, and quill!” A paragraph was sprawling out along the wall, too much for Morgana’s hands to cover. Gaius chided her, “Its fine, they can see. Arthur doesn’t understand half this stuff anyway.”

Morgana laughed in relief. She lowered her hands. “What does it say?”

“A healing object must be enchanted and worn by the affected subject.” Gaius translated. Arthur ran up to them, his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. He handed over the supplies. “Thank you, my boy.” 

Morgana smiled at Arthur who, similarly to her, was just understanding how lucky Merlin was. “Do you need anything else, Gaius?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “A nap. So, leave this to me and go have a rest.” He gestured to the pile of knights. 

Arthur smiled, swayed on his feet a little, and reached over to pinch Morgana on the cheek. She was smiling like she never did, truly happy for once. He stretched it further while she cringed. “Looks good on you.” 

Morgana patted his hand away from her. He was grinning nervously. “I’ll get you for that,” She smiled.

“Later,” Gaius drawled, spectacles drawn over his eyes as he copied down the paragraph word for word. 

“Later, Miss Gargoyle,” Arthur joked and ran off giggling.

“I wish I could turn him into a toad,” Morgana frowned.

“It would be entirely amusing until Merlin steps on him.”

-

Merlin submurged a label in the sticking mixture, letting it soak through the thick, permiable paper. He smoothed the sticky label on a medicine jar happily. He had carved a poorly drawn love heart on it to hopefully cheer up Lady Elizabeth. She had looked awfully down when he passed by her earlier. He blew on the label, hoping for it to dry quickly.

He put it with the rounds for tonight. There were a few jars of arnica cream for the knights, a sleeping draught for Uther, and some specific jars of foul-smelling potions for nobles with other ailments. 

Gwen rushed through the door with a large basket under her arm. 

“What’s that?” Merlin asked politely.

“Your clothes.” She swept through the room and set the basket before his door.

“My clothes?” He squinted. 

“Your room’s a mess- was a mess, Merlin, no offense, but I couldn’t bear to leave it in that state. As a maid and as a friend.” She sighed happily, patting her dress. “Clean clothes.” 

“Thank you, Gwen. I was hoping Arthur would get up and do them. He was complaining about them enough.”

“Is that why they were all over the floor?” Gwen laughed. 

“No,” Merlin blushed. “I just find the idea of Arthur doing work endearing.”

“Endearing?”

Merlin facepalmed. “Ugh, wrong word. Funny, there you go.”

“Is there something going on between you and Arthur? You seem awfully close lately with the way he’s chasing after you.”

“It’s not chasing at all.” Merlin shook his head. “He’s been following me around like a kicked puppy. He’s seen me at my worst; he has a right to be worried. He makes me so mad sometimes, though, and not just because he’s overbearing. He thinks he’s so cool. Not to mention how thoughtless and rude he can be.” He pushed the jars and inch toward Gwen with a lift of a hand. “There’s tonight’s round. I labeled all of them so you should know where to go.”

“Merlin!” She grinned. 

“Go! I think my heart is getting weaker with every second longer you stand here.”

She picked them up and put them in her delivery basket. “You are perfect for Arthur, you’re both equally dramatic.”

“Thank you for the clothes and your wild suggestions, but you can go now!” He opened the door for her. 

-

Arthur settled on his back for their first night of their return journey. His armor pressed him to the ground, and he wanted to take his coif off. It pressed into his neck to the point of chafing when he moved. If it wasn’t for his hauberk to hold the coif down the whole thing would have probably rested right on his neck otherwise, so he took that as a small victory. 

Arthur shifted, worriedly bringing up his cloak around himself for warmth. 

Merlin had been down when they left. He was acting ridiculous. Was he figuring it out?

Was it too taxing on him? To have Arthur breathing down his neck?

It had been too many days away. Merlin had to be in some kind of trouble. He had a sudden instinct to rouse the knight and keep going, but he knew that wasn’t possible. 

He closed his eyes and dreamed what he always refused to. Merlin came into his vision and his hair was ruffled, eyes deep in focus, lips… the vision blurred. He imagined Merlin lying beside him and couldn’t help the throaty whine that escaped him. 

Guilt creeped up his back and he shivered. He couldn’t be searching for love in his manservant. His father wouldn’t see the day.  

He couldn’t help but envisage Merlin wrapped around him then, telling him it was okay, and he fell comfortably to sleep, knowing his father would be better soon. He would see Merlin in a few days, and it would be wonderful. Arthur could never let him go.

-

“You’re back!” Merlin exclaimed, standing up and taking a few steps into the center of the room. 

“With information!” Arthur cheered. 

Gaius, Morgana, and Arthur made their way through the infirmary door, looking somehow chummy. 

Gaius held a parchment and Arthur, Gaius’s bag. He set it down on Gaius’s bed. 

“Let me see?” Merlin gestured to the parchment. 

“It would be best if his highness left the room first,” Gaius whispered to him. “But that will not be likely for a while, it would seem.” Gaius sent Merlin a look. 

“It’s not my fault he’s attached to me!” Merlin sighed. 

“Evidently.” Gaius raised an eyebrow.

“Hello, Merlin!” Morgana approached. She gave him a hug. “Is this a secret meeting?” She huddled in with them under Merlin’s arm.

“It’s not too difficult to have a secret meeting when the only person it’s a secret from is Arthur. He’s a bit thick.”

“I heard that, Merlin!” Arthur shouted and threw his hands up in exasperation. “Gods, the way you speak to me makes me wonder why I was ever excited to come back to you!” His face instantly tinged with red.

Merlin saved his embarrassment by quipping, “Because I’m here to save your father.” It killed the teasing mood in an instant. Morgana frowned beside him.

“Oh, right,” Arthur sighed. “I should go see him. I don’t think I’ve visited him in over a week, now.” He threw his, “Enjoy your secret meeting,” over his shoulder and left.

“Nice job getting rid of Arthur,” Morgana commended, slipping out from Merlin’s touch.

“Don’t celebrate yet, he might have his ear pressed to the door. I wouldn’t put it past him to eavesdrop. Now let me see this parchment.” His eyes skimmed over the words, taking them in with little effort.

“I bet Arthur thinks it’s sexy you know two languages.”

Gaius raised both his eyebrow as Merlin cried, “Not you too!”

“I was just getting rid of him, in case he was eavesdropping.” Morgana nodded her head towards the door innocently. She put her hands on her hips.

Merlin read over the spell. It was mostly straightforward. He had to enchant an object meaningful to Uther and it would give him peace of mind. His vision shifted to the ring on his finger. “Arthur’s mother died because of magic, right? That’s why Uther banned it.”

“Igraine died because Uther hired Nimueh to give them Arthur. But as you know, it’s a life for a life. Uther didn’t know this and Igraine paid the price. She died because he trusted in magic.”

Merlin pulled the ring off his finger. “I’ll use this. It’s the closest thing we’ve got. Gwen can make me a new one.”

“It says the enchantment wares off as he wears it.” Gaius pointed out. “You’ll get it back.” Gaius patted him on the back. 

“Arthur’s ring?” Morgana touched it and closed her eyes and swam in black.

Faintly she could feel a pressure on her heart and somewhere a giggle from a man that sounded uncomfortably like Uther. A pale hand wearing the ring appeared in the dark. It was connected to a lithe blond woman in a comfortable white dress, happily practicing archery on the training field with Uther, many years younger than he was now.

She opened her eyes with a gasp. “The ring belonged to Arthur’s mother.”

“Really? I assumed Uther had given it to him, like a signet- no, I mean just like-”

“You two are already married, I mean, come on-”

“Morgana! Stop it with that! It’s a ring that symbolizes thinking and processing. Arthur would need to do a lot of that as king! A king ring! Never mind!”

-

However many times Merlin tried the spell, it didn’t work. Maybe there was a stipulation that they had missed. He thought he would feel the power once it was transferred, but he couldn’t. He even left it on Uther’s hand for a day but it didn’t work. 

Arthur had been even more clingy recently as well, always hanging out in the physicians, eating dinner there often. Merlin hadn’t had a chance to slip off for a night with Gwen and Morgana in a while. He wanted to see if he and Morgana both performing the spell at once would do it. 

Arthur was laying in Merlin’s bed, reading Merlin’s novel with his legs crossed at his ankles. He was keeping his bed hostage until Merlin picked up his room, and it was taking way too long. 

I’ll come by once Arthur’s done messing with my belongings- Merlin spoke to Morgana through their link as he pulled a few dusty shirts out from under the bed. 

Merlin? She cackled like the harpy she was. He threw the shirts into a basket. 

You know what I mean! I’m sorry it’s taking so long, I’m finally not dead on my feet and Arthur’s taking up all my time.

Take all the time you need. You know how I feel.

I feel the same way.

Merlin and Morgana had taken to speaking telepathically. Merlin suddenly wondered if Gaius could hear their conversations and immediately blocked the idea from his mind. 

“Almost done here.” Merlin walked one last stack of books out of his room and came back with a broom. He quickly swept around Arthur’s form and brushed it all out the door for Gaius to deal with. “Done!”

Arthur blinked up. He shifted over half a foot. “Sorry, can’t move. I’m invested.”

Merlin sighed and sat down in the little space he had. Arthur’s hip rubbed against his lower back and he was incredibly too aware of it. He leaned down and pulled his boots off. His socks peeled off sadly, and not wanting Arthur to call him gross for tossing them across the room, he stood and put them with his other dirty clothes. He changed in the corner quietly and felt a sudden wave of exhaustion and called out to Morgana, telling her no for tonight. She cackled, of course. 

“I need to go to sleep.” Merlin stood beside the bed. 

Arthur squirmed, shifting as far over as he could.

“Are you serious?”

“I need to be here for your own safety.” Arthur’s eyes were still glued to the page. 

“Books are portable, you know.” Merlin gave in and tried to decide the best way to do this. He could lay on his side. It was a one-person bed. He would probably fall out if he faced away from Arthur, but he could try. He could also face Arthur and curl a leg over him. Merlin shook the image out of his head and collected the blanket from under Arthur’s feet. He covered Arthur’s legs and stood still for a moment in shock about what was happening. 

“Just get in. Get comfortable.”

Merlin sighed. “I should be. It’s my bed.” He sat down at Arthur’s hip and slipped under the blanket, rolling in, facing Arthur, legs stacking on top of each other. He put his head far back on the pillow. He was inches from Arthur’s ear. His golden, princely hair was dark like straw. He leaned towards it involuntarily.

“This book is really fun, Merlin. I’m surprised. I like the knight, Jules. He such an idiot,” Arthur drawled, a light smirk working up his face. ”I don’t think he represents the knights very well, but I guess it’s just humor. Nothing here is very accurate. He’s fit at least.” 

“You’re Jules,” Merlin murmured by his ear. “Invading. Taking what’s not yours.” His mind was going pleasantly numb, any fear shriveled up in Arthur’s strange presence.

“You’re Marina, then. Delusional and treasonous.” Arthur turned a page. “Get comfortable, Merlin. I don’t mind.” His voice was clipped and casual. 

Merlin took a shallow breath and hestitatly shifted his top leg until it rested on Arthur. This bed really was small. He set a hand on Arthur’s stomach and couldn’t help but raise it up until the heel of the book pressed against his arm and his hand fitted under Arthur’s furthest-away pectoral. Merlin hummed pleasantly.

“Definitely Marina,” Arthur stated.

“Put out the candle before you go to sleep,” Merlin murmured, nodding his head into Arthur’s on accident.

Arthur smiled and tilted his head into Merlin’s. Once Merlin’s breathing evened he turned to press a kiss onto Merlin’s forehead. Merlin mumbled and pushed his head into Arthur. 

“I love you,” Arthur whispered, barely audible. Merlin unraveled his whole world.

Merlin sighed and smacked his lips. Lower than a whisper, he spoke, “Me too.”

Arthur’s jaw dropped. So much for that subtlety thing he was trying. Merlin didn’t seem to know he said it and went straight to sleep. Arthur decided he should follow.

-

Merlin woke up with a crick in his neck and his pillow feeling harder than usual. He blinked his eyes open and peeled his hand off the solid, warm thing to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. 

The prince slept beside him, and he was as regal now as he was in full fancy dress. Merlin sighed. When Uther woke up he would probably try to marry Arthur off again. 

His bed was sunk slightly in the middle, which had encouraged Arthur to turn towards him just slightly. Merlin’s top foot was stuck between Arthur’s, and for once they weren’t cold. Arthur’s hand was fisted in Merlin’s sleep shirt. Arthur’s face was slack and his lips light pink as usual. Merlin had never gotten such a close look before. They were plush and Merlin could think of every time Arthur playfully pouted when Merlin disappointed him. Merlin had never thought about kissing them before, but he’d be lying if he said he never wanted a friendly hug from Arthur. This was night was more than that. 

Merlin sighed, giving in, and touched his forehead to Arthur’s.

Arthur blinked his eyes open at the contact. They widened when they saw Merlin so close. 

Merlin cleared his throat, peeling back. “I saw you put the candle out. Good job.”

“Normally that’s your job.” Arthur closed his eyes again and stretched out his arms, one around Merlin and the other over their heads. He punched the wall and smarted. “Ow.”

“Want me to kiss it better?” Merlin teased. He thought the joke ill-timed.

“Um,” Arthur’s eyes widened. He glanced down at his fist, suddenly alert, and slowly moved his closed fist closer to Merlin’s chest.

Merlin took a deep breath and clasped Arthur’s fist lightly at it’s base. Arthur wanted him to kiss it? Was he testing him? He brought it to his lips and exhaled, his breath spreading over his fingers. Arthur squeezed his fist. “How much did it hurt?”

“A lot,” Arthur admitted, albeit untruthfully.

“Okay,” Merlin quickly pressed his lips to Arthur’s cooled fist in a kiss. He rubbed his hand over it. “Better?”

Arthur’s face was slackened like he couldn’t believe he was awake and not dreaming, lips gaping idiotically. He waited patiently, not wanting to nod yes but not wanting to shake his head no. 

Merlin sat up suddenly. He stuffed his feet into his boots, no socks. He stood and took a deep breath to calm his heart. Oxygen. He stripped his shirt off and threw it on the bed, changing into a red one quickly. “I’ll go get your breakfast. Stay here, get dressed.” He tied his belt around his wait in a hurry.

“Yes, sir,” Arthur didn’t mean to say it, but it slipped out.

Merlin scoffed playfully and was happy to leave for the kitchens. What was going on? 

It was early enough that he ran into Gwen in the hallway, Morgana’s tray of fruit and cheese in hand. 

“Gwen! I need to talk to you!”

Gwen startled at his volume. “Yes, good morning, what is it? You look frantic.” She held on tighter to the tray.

“It’s Arthur! I just kissed his hand!” He whispered, leaning in. “He’s in my bed!” He raised his eyebrows to an alarming degree.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“More like a sleepover. It's nice, Gwen. Being with him.” Merlin squinted like he was still putting together this puzzle. “I don’t know how you ever left.”

She smiled. “You’ve got a case of feels. The only cure is telling him exactly how you feel.” She leaned forward and adjusted the laces on his shirt. 

“But I don’t know how I feel! I came to you for advice!”

“And I just gave it to you. Now, I have to go, Morgana is awaiting some new news,” Gwen singsonged. His plight had turned to gossip already. 

Merlin rubbed his forehead. “Ugh, thanks a lot Gwen. I really don’t want to go back to see Arthur. It’s going to be so awkward.”

“I still have to get going.”

“Oh,” Merlin raised his hand like he was hailing a carriage, dropping it when Gwen turned back to him. “I need to see Morgana soon. I’m having no luck with the cure. Arthur is driving me crazy; he doesn’t give me a minute to myself. That’s why I haven’t been able to work. Do you think you can distract Arthur for me?” Merlin rambled, staring into Gwen’s soul.

“He should have royal duties to distract him.” Merlin whined and she collected herself again. “But I can try.”

“Oh, I’d kiss you, Gwen. Now, I have to go get Arthur’s breakfast and try to calm down.” He took a deep breath and walked off towards the kitchens. 

Gwen shook her head. 

-

Merlin didn’t know how to deal with post-cuddle, post-awkward-hand-kiss Arthur. 

When he returned to Gaius’ with breakfast he was nearly out of breath; one occurrence that has stayed mostly the same during this changing time.

“My clothes are a wrinkled mess,” Arthur stated as Merlin shut the door behind him. Arthur was leaning against a table, closely inspecting what he thought was simply a trinket, but was actually an object occasionally used for magical rituals. He really was clueless. 

Merlin ignored his complaining and passed him his tray of ham and cheese. “Why are you out here? I thought I said to stay put.”

Arthur shrugged and shoved a thinly sliced piece of meat into his mouth languidly. “I heard Gaius leave.”

Merlin bit his lip. His knees started to bounce involuntarily even as he was standing, a heel constantly tapping into the stone. “You have training today, don’t you?”

Merlin’s face flushed as Arthur zeroed in on him. “Of course, but are you feeling alright, Merlin? You’re looking a bit red.” His eyes trailed up Merlin’s body and he took a step forward as Merlin took a step back. Arthur reached out a hand before Merlin could retreat further and pressed it into Merlin’s forehead. “No, you don’t look well.” 

He led Merlin by the arm to a basin of water on a table by their firepit. “Cool off.”

Merlin glared as he bent and splashed his face with it. It woke him right up. Why wasn’t Arthur ashamed of what had happened the night before? Wasn’t staying in a servant’s bed a public death sentence?

“I think I must take the day off to watch you. If you’re sick I wouldn’t want to burden Gaius. He’s still working on the cure,” Arthur stated as he leaned against the table beside Merlin, leaning way too close to comfort. He didn’t even know the trouble he was causing.

“I really don’t appreciate all this coddling!” Merlin stood to full height. “Then you worry about me and call me a burden! Oh, how else should I displease you, by taking you away from your duties, my liege!” Merlin scooped up some water to fling at the prince but decided it childish and let it run through his fingers as Arthur’s disappointment wrote itself all over his face. 

Arthur took a deep breath and looked away. “Alright, well.” He took a step back. 

“You are a lot meaner than you think!” Merlin wagged a finger at him. How they had gone back to their odd bickering, he didn’t know. It was like whiplash. 

“My efforts- do they mean nothing?” Arthur supported his hands on his hips, a stance that has developed as he’s taken on the role of king as well as prince. He frowned at the floor across the room, forlorn. 

“I appreciate it, it’s just- you’ve become- tirelessly overbearing.”

“I respect your honesty. But it doesn’t change my decision. I deserve a day off occasionally. Perfect timing to teach you a lesson in appreciation.”

Oh, goddess. 

-

Gwen! Why wasn’t Gwen keeping her word?

He was laying stiffly on Arthur’s bed, a cold cloth pressed benignly to his forehead by Arthur himself. 

“I told you feel fine! I’m not exhausted!” Merlin whined. 

Arthur sat in a chair beside him, kneading the cloth to get it to stick to Merlin. “You say that but I'm seeing the signs. You’ve been wheezing and flushed and then pale.”

Morgana, stop whatever you’re doing and get your workaholic servant over here! Merlin shouted into the abyss.

Do you mean Gwen? Well if you put it like that, then no!

Come on, Arthur’s treating me like a child again!

Arthur retracted his hand. “Want to play cards?”

Merlin grumbled and tried to sit up. Arthur helped him shift while keeping the wet cloth on his head. “I’d rather be up moving around.”

“Sorry, no can do.” Arthur hissed playfully. “It’s not like I enjoy doing this, but I just can’t have you keeling over.” Arthur frowned worriedly and patted Merlin on the shoulder. His hands were heavy and oddly comforting.

Arthur picked up a wooden box off his nightstand and opened the lid. Inside was a stash of playing cards. He scooped them up and set the box aside. He shuffled them into a pile. “Want to see a magic trick?”

“Magic?” Merlin raised his eyebrows. “I thought your father banned magic.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “It’s not real magic. Pick a card.” He held out the stack, spread sloppily into a fan, and Merlin hesitantly took one. “Look at it but don’t show me, and put it back.”

Hurry! He’s mimicking magic! I think I’m going to die. Merlin drawled. 

Morgana just laughed, and it reverberated. Sometimes Merlin wished he didn’t have a telepathic link. It only gave him more opportunities to be bullied by everyone he’s ever used it with. 

“Now I’m going to shuffle the cards and your card with appear on the top of the deck.” He did just so, the corners of the cards tickling his fingers as he did a poor excuse for a shuffle, and flipped over the top card. He lifted it to show Merlin. “Is this your card?”

“How’d you do that?” Merlin asked, genuinely impressed as he took the three of cups back between his fingers. 

“Gaius taught me.” Arthur set the cards aside on the bed. “When I was very young I’d heard a lot about all this magic lark, didn’t understand it at all, just that it was bad, but I really wanted to see what it looked like.” He squinted at his fingers and splayed them, facing himself. “I wondered what it felt like, looked like. I had heard some whispering that Gaius used to perform magic before the purge, so I asked him to show me.” He chuckled at the memory. “He said he could do a substitute.”

“Oh,” Merlin was moved, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Gaius must have loved raising you.”

Arthur scoffed. “I have my own father, thank you very much.” He sighed and worried his hands together. “You’re like Gaius’s son,” Arthur hummed, running his fingers along the bedding. “He must have taught you a lot about magic. Come to think of it, a lot of your philosophies are similar to his. You seem to believe everything has a deeper meaning. Like there’s more to life than what everyone else sees.”

Merlin’s heart thudded. He called out to Morgana one more time. He took a deep breath, raised an eyebrow petulantly and said, “I think the world is beautiful. You always seem to make fun of me for that when we’re with your knights,” He paused. “People like you seek to make the world ugly.” He gulped. 

“I beg your pardon?” Arthur affronted. 

“Sometimes I really admire you, other times, well, you’re…”

“I don’t see your point.”

Merlin shook his head. “Forget what I said.” The cloth slipped off his forehead. The moisture seeped into his shirt sleeve.

Arthur sat back. “I can accept being called a prat,” He gave Merlin a pointed look, telling him to hold his tongue, “But a savage, I am not. I say something nice about you, for a change, and you just-”

Merlin nodded, his lungs filling with stale air. “You can be dangerous, stupid, and arrogant,” He let out a long breath and a quiet settled between them for a moment. Merlin’s lips quirked up with a shrug. “Then you do something noble or sweet and all the bad gets flushed away for a moment and I forget-” His eyes were dry but his face ached like he had done something terrible. “I-” He let out a very long breath. 

“And what?” Arthur sat forward. 

Merlin bit his lips closed. 

We’re almost there. He could almost hear Morgana’s shoes tapping in the hallway already. What bad timing. At least she could save him from saying something he could never take back.

The door to Arthur’s chambers rattled and burst open, Morgana, Lancelot, and Gwen falling through it. Arthur turned to them. He was pissed off, that was clear enough.

“Lancelot! Aren’t you supposed to be training!” He snapped. Merlin’s eyes widened behind him. “What right do you all have for barging in here?”

“Arthur,” Gwen hushed him. 

Arthur flicked his eyes to Merlin and lowered his voice. “Merlin was feeling ill so I let him stay here so Gaius could focus on the remedy.” He spoke quickly, hoping this didn’t look like something else. 

“Arthur we’ve come because there’s fighting going on between the knights, and I don’t mean sparring,” Lancelot stated. 

“There’s been a dispute.” Gwen nodded. “You should get out there as quickly as possible.”

“It’s quite a deul,” Morgana smirked. “Very courageous what they are doing.”

Arthur grunted and turned to Merlin before hiding his face in his hands. “You need me now?”

“They are going to injure each other, and I think the others might be picking sides as we speak. Who knows how much of a rift it could cause if you don’t establish some order!” Lancelot ad-libbed successfully. 

“Don’t go anywhere,” Arthur sighed and patted Merlin once on the shoulder in the promise of a return to their conversation. “Okay, lead me away.”

Merlin stared after Arthur as he exited the room. He swung his legs off the bed as Morgana entered. The cards spilled all over the floor and he sighed. 

“Did we interrupt anything?” Morgana asked.

“No, just Arthur being overbearing as usual.” Merlin left the cards, instead locking the door behind Morgana to pull out the parchment from his pocket. “Now, I need you to try this spell with me.”

Morgana shook her hair out of her face, pushing it back behind her shoulder as she leaned over the parchment. Merlin let her read it as he pulled off his ring. “It’ll be sad to part from this.”

“Of course it will be, it was Arthur’s.” 

She mouthed the words on the page, repeating them so Merlin could hear. 

They sat down on the floor with the ring pinched between their fingers. “It feels wrong doing this here, dosn’t it?” Merlin murmured. 

“Why should it? It’s natural, the most unnatural part is us trying to save a man who would want to kill us for it.”

Merlin bit his lip. “It didn’t sit right with me at first, but I think it’s the right thing to do. I have a duty to protect Arthur. We’re doing this for him. He shouldn’t have to grow up so fast, especially without a father.”

Morgana blinked away her rising tears, memories of her own father returning. “Well, that’s one thing we have in common.” She said, referring to Merlin.

“It's scary,” He said softly. “If it was your father, you wouldn’t want him suffering, either, would you?”

“No,” She shook her head. “You’re right.”

“We can only hope he comes out of this with a better temper, and in the least amount of pain possible.” Merlin breathed in, thumbing the ring, letting it spin. “Are you ready?”

Morgana jerked her head down in a nod. 

Slowly, they wept the spell, and for once, Merlin felt something. There was a gold-to-green glow wrapped around it. The ring turned red hot like it had been pulled from a kiln. 

They swore in tandem and dropped it, and it seared a hole in Morgana’s dress as it slid off her knee onto the stone. The ring of wire around its middle rattled. 

“Well that was exciting,” Merlin bent his neck to see. “Do you think it’ll work?”

“I should hope so,” Morgana’s lips quivered between a smile and a frown before she lunged forward and enveloped Merlin in a hug. “We’re going to save him.”

“Yes,” Merlin nodded into her well-kept hair. “We’re going to save him. Camelot will be strong. Arthur will be happier.” He grinned. “Oh, I can’t wait to tell him.”

Morgana squeezed him and let out a small sob. “We have to tell him the truth.”

They let the ring cool on the floor until Arthur returned. 

-

Merlin couldn’t put the ring on. It would transfer the spell’s effects on to him. He put it securely in his pocket, and it warmed his side. 

Arthur didn’t notice he wasn’t wearing it as he paced in. “There was no fighting!” 

“Oh, there was!” Morgana piped. 

She was met with a displeased look and a grumbling of, “Beat it, Morgs,” to which she gave a hopeful smile for Merlin and left the room.

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed, dragging a hand down his face, “I know you’re not feeling well,” He looked straight through Merlin, knowing full well the state he was in, “But we need to talk.”

Merlin fastened his hands behind his back and tried not to cave in on himself. “What about?”

Arthur sucked in a harsh breath. “There's something.”

“What?” Merlin’s gaze was light as it fell upon Arthur, ready to take whatever he was about to say. He was going to be honest.

Arthur took a calming breath and came around to the table so he could lean against it’s edge. He eyed the cards covering his floor by the bed and wrung his hands on his lap. “I’m going to say this, and I don’t want you to fret. That’s the very last thing I want you to do.” He stepped forward as Merlin met him, dipping his head as his hands found Merlin’s side. He gently caressed a hand down the side of his torso, grazing his waist and hip lightly. It was much too fond, and much too bold. He rested the hand on the side of Merlin’s arm. 

“Take a deep, deep breath.”

Merlin did so as Arthur pulled him into a hug. He held on firmly but not tightly, fitting his arms snugly around him like he been waiting ages to find them there. Merlin let his hands fist the back of Arthur’s shirt. Arthur breathed in his scent and his outbreath tickled curiously down the back of Merlin’s neck. Merlin held on tighter. His heart beated harder.

“I need you to know that you can accept me or push me away.” Arthur loosened his grip to recoil from him, and took Merlin’s hands gingerly in his own. “Do you know where I’m going with this?”

“Hopefully?” Merlin grinned. He could feel his heart clench and it hurt. He was getting something from Arthur, something different. He was being honest, so Merlin had to be too.

Arthur sighed in relief. “I’m sorry if I scared you these past few weeks. I was trying not to come on too strong.”

“But?”

“My heart sings for you,” Arthur smiled shyly, but it was backed with an unmachable amount of confidence. He raised his chin just a tad to look as down as he could on his manservant.

“Eh, I didn’t know you were poetic,” Merlin fingered the cuff of his sleeve worriedly. 

“I’m not. I just- you’re a strange creature.” Arthur stated, lowering his chin “You’re always making such ridiculous comments, and somehow, I find I quite like that. You never let me off. You always have something to gripe about.”

“You’re describing yourself; honestly I don’t think I’ve said enough.” Merlin’s eyes flicked to Arthur’s lips and he felt insurmountably guilty. “Nowhere near enough.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows questioningly, tugging gently on Merlin’s hands. “You should probably go ahead and say it before I make you my… husband?”

Merlin coughed and immediately let go of Arthur to cover his mouth. Arthur’s eyes widened at Merlin’s shock. 

“I apologize, are you alright, Merlin?” Arthur’s eyes trained on his face, his words only weakening Merlin, who squeezed out a tear. It wasn’t from the coughing. 

Once Merlin has shook his head enough to ward away Arthur, and coughed enough to hack up the saliva he inhaled, he let himself fall into his thoughts. “I’ve kept too much too myself.” He shook his head. “All you do is look out for me and…” He took a deep breath, bright tears shining at his waterline. “You told me your biggest secret so I ought to tell you mine.”

“Come on,” Arthur gently encouraged him. He nudged him in the arm.

“I’ve had enough of lying, and what causes me the most stress, more than all your chores, is that I’m hiding something terrible from you. Something you will kill me for.” Merlin’s eyes shined, Arthur’s face fell. “It’s what’s kept both of us alive this long. I can’t bear to keep it to myself anymore.” 

Arthur’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “You have magic?” Arthur crossed his arms and his gaze turned thoughtful instead of fond. There was anger at his edges, pulsing out of him. Merlin could almost hear the cogs turning in his head. “Is that it?” He asked purely for confirmation.

“Yes, and I’m sorry!” Merlin stomped his foot and let his tears fall. “Did you know?”

Arthur shook his head, his lips parted. “No.” He bit his lip. “I thought, maybe, maybe you knew something that I didn’t.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “You have that book. You know about magic, and treat it like it’s something… normal. But, no I don’t see how you could have-” 

“You don’t know how painful it is to hide who I am, to be constantly terrified I would be found out and placed at Uther’s feet where he would decide my fate,” Merlin croaked. He seethed, his anger ready to lash out. “I only use it to protect you. I was born to serve you, and you may as well have been born for me to save!”

Arthur frowned. “Why should I believe you?” He wobbled slightly, losing his grasp on reality as he stumbled back to grab a chair to hold onto. 

Merlin gasped audibly at Arthur’s reaction, and that immediately refocused Arthur’s attention. 

“I’ve loved you,” Arthur rasped. 

Merlin’s eyes widened. “I have served you, and I thought at the beginning that I would hate every second of it,” Merlin stated. “But I’ve seen the kind of man you are, and I do everything for you, because I believe in you, because I love you and you’d never find me anywhere else.” 

Arthur huffed and let himself fall into a chair. He was dazed, his vision unsure, his lips fallen open slightly in thought or total blankness. “How much have you done?” His voice was dry and even. “Were none of my victories my own?”

Merlin took a step forward and couldn’t help his compulsion to kneel on the floor before Arthur, but instead pulled out chair to see eye-to-eye. “I’ve cured you using it. I’ve killed people to save you. Sometimes, I just give a little push on a situation, and it makes things easier for you. I use it in combat, everytime you think I’m doing nothing, I’m saving your arse.”

“That first time you collapsed. I thought that was strange.” Arthur bit his lip contemplatively. “One of the attacking company stabbed one of their own men. That kind of mutiny doesn’t happen. I was distracted, and if not for that man I would have been split in half.”

Merlin took a deep breath and hung his head. “That’s why I fainted. I thought you saw.” Merlin felt a heaviness settle in his stomach.

“I caused it?” Arthur’s voice rose and he tried to catch Merlin’s eyes. “I’m what gave you this disease!”

Merlin shuffled his feet. “My magic, and my destiny. They cause me the most amount of stress. Nearly every time I’ve broken down since then was because I was afraid.” He blinked back tears. “I was afraid you would find out; sentence me to death.”

Ceremoniously, Merlin shifted to the floor. He sat on his heels, ignoring his beating heart. It beat because he could feel, and he was alive. Arthur could announce his judgement but nothing would stop the relief he felt from showing himself to Arthur.

“I wouldn’t have you rotting in the cells a single night with the likes of those down there.” He pulled on Merlin’s jacket. “Get off the floor.”

Merlin could smell Arthur’s boot polish from here, and he very carefully stood. He wanted to bury his face into Arthur’s shins and hope that he would allow it. He wanted to be held. 

“Are you going to have me killed, sire? Like every sorcerer ought?” He looked to the floor.

“Merlin, do not taunt me.” Arthur stood and held Merlin by the front of his shirt. “If you would listen to me, you would have heard, that no, I couldn’t bear it!”

Merlin swallowed. “You have no punishments for me?” His eyes were wide, unbelieving.

“I’ve always known you were brave, and I’ve always known you were stupid,” Arthur seethed, “But not that stupid.” 

His lips crashed into Merlin’s as he pulled him forward, wrapping a hand around his back to steady him. He froze, and all he could taste was the salt of Merlin’s tears before the other man reciprocated, pressing gently. The chaste kiss broke with a whine from Merlin, who buried his head in Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I’ve got one more surprise,” Merlin said into Arthur’s shirt.

Arthur’s arms settled around Merlin’s waist, swaying him slightly. “I don’t know what it could be.” 

“I think I’ve got the cure for your father.”

Arthur pulled them away. “You did it?”

“Yes,” Merlin pulled the ring from his pocket. “I was going to do it without you knowing, but now I can say that I enchanted this with the cure.” He smiled. “It should clear up his-” Merlin gestured to his head. 

“It was a spell. Why didn’t I see that before?” Arthur took the ring from Merlin’s hand. “He has to wear it?” He frowned slightly. 

“The spell called for something special to him for him to wear, and it said the pain will gradually fade. It will take time.”

“What will he be like when he’s out of it?”

Merlin shrugged. “I have no idea.” He leaned into Arthur, taking the ring back. Stutteringly he let a hand run across the side of Arthur’s head, brushing his fingertips past his ear to brush through his blonde hair. 

Arthur smiled and couldn’t help reciprocating, curling a hand into the top of Merlin’s head. “Well, we should go give it to him.”

-

The king was barely coherent. He had been moved to a chair beside his window, but his eyes were shut and he was twitching with terror before Arthur shook his shoulder and broke him out of it. 

“Arthur,” Uther whispered as he looked up, and it caught in a sob. 

Arthur offered him a cup of water as he always did. Uther always ended up crying it out, and dehydration was not helping his state. Solemnly, Arthur sat down across from his father and gestured for Merlin to stand beside him. “We’re going to help you, father.” He took Uther’s other hand in his own, wrinkled slightly, finger pads thick and rough from years of wielding a sword. “You’ll be all better soon.”

Uther’s eyes widened and focused even less on Arthur, shifting away from him as his jaw dropped softly. “No,” He shook his head. “No,” He looked down at his cup.

“You’ll be back to normal,” Arthur softly prodded, and helped Uther raise the cup to his lips for a drink. 

“I can’t,” Uther shook his head. Arthur wiped his cheek. “I need to right my wrong.” 

Merlin hummed in surprise. The ring rolled around between his fingers. 

Arthur sighed. “You can do that once you're better. Staying like this isn’t helping you any,” Arthur put his foot down. Uther grunted and sobbed out another negative. “Well, I need you back. Merlin?”

He held out the ring for Arthur to take, and he paused. “You do it,” Arthur said. He gazed affectionately up at Merlin, his face with an excited, puppy-ish quality. Merlin just put the ring in his hands. 

“No, I want you to remember that you used magic to save him.” He flashed his wary eyes. “You do it.”

If Merlin had a choice, he would let Uther die, Arthur figured. Arthur could see the struggles of the kingdom on his father’s face. The same struggle which caused Merlin to fall ill. So many lived in fear of Uther, and by extention, Arthur. The prince blinked back tears, and held his father’s hand tighter. 

“You’re going to right your wrong,” Arthur stated, and slipped the ring onto a thin finger. 

“Oh,” Uther murmured. The cup fell from his hands and clanged to the floor, splashing water over Arthur’s boots. His gaze went foggy before his head lolled forward and he fell into a deep sleep.

“We should have put him in bed first,” Merlin jolted forward to catch his shoulder.

“I’ll have to lift him,” Arthur sighed.

“I can help.” Merlin piped.

“No, you can’t, Merlin.” Arthur grumbled as he wrapped his arms around his father’s torso, swearing as he heaved the man to meet him chest-to-chest. 

“I-”

“No, Merlin! I’ve got him.”

Merlin shook his head in disappointment and let Arthur drag the man to his bed. As soon has his back hit the mattress and Arthur bent to lift his feet, Merlin levitated them. Arthur stumbled, falling on his backside in shock as Merlin shifted his father onto the bed, tucking him in.

“Treason!” Arthur shouted on instinct. His face was drawn with fright and wonder. 

“Not anymore,” Merlin offered a hand to help him stand. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yes,” Arthur responded without thinking, moving to his father’s side. He looked peaceful for once. He was often trapped between sleep and sleepless, constantly at the brink of it. He was finally calm. “Yes, I’m proud of you too. Thank you.” His voice broke and he reached for Merlin, pulling him into a side hug. 

Merlin took a deep breath in, enjoying the closeness which had become so familiar recently. “Now we wait.”

“How long could it be?”

“The more trauma, the longer it will take. Probably two days? Maybe three. But hope that whenever he wakes up he will be ready to act on his wish.”

“We’ll make things better,” Arthur interlaced their fingers. “And don’t think you’ll get out of marrying me, no matter what my father may think.”

Merlin smiled and dipped his free hand to Arthur’s waist possessivly, stepping forward into his space. “Will I be co-king?”

Arthur chuckled. “Sure. Maybe even simply ‘King’.”

“Court Sorcerer.” Merlin murmured, leaning in closer, locking his eyes onto Arthur’s lips.

“Not here,” Arthur held his hand tightly and broke their hug. 

He leaned over his father, patting the hand with the ring lightly. “I’ll see you later tonight, or if not then, tomorrow morning. I may be wrapped up tonight.” He kissed his father’s forehead gently and rose to a smiling Merlin.

“We saved him,” Merlin smiled cheeklly. “It’s wonders what magic can do,” He said, a feeling of fulfillment enveloping him. 

“Yeah,” Arthur said awkwardly, fondling Merlin’s hand in his own. “Crazy, isn’t it?”

-

They stayed in Arthur’s chambers that night. Merlin collapsed peacefully over Arthur’s chest, breathing out serene puffs of air. He felt light and floaty. He could sleep deeply now.

Arthur’s arm wrapped around Merlin’s side, his hand resting between his shoulder blades. He smoothed his hand lightly into Merlin’s shirt. It was a comforting rhythm. His lips felt bruised, and he bit them lightly, reveling in the feeling, knowing Merlin’s lips had been there minutes before. 

“I tried so hard to hide how I felt about you, Merlin,” Arthur confessed into their content atmosphere. 

“It was quite obvious,” Merlin murmured. “Oh, you really gave me a fright.” 

“See? That’s the problem. I didn’t want to startle you too terribly, then-”

Merlin pressed himself up onto his forearms. “I’m not that delicate!”

“I realize now that was stupid.” Arthur gripped him tighter. “I’m sorry I treated you that way.”

Merlin’s eyes flicked to Arthur’s bare chest. “Does this mean you’ll be less restrictive?”

“Maybe,” Arthur sighed wistfully. He laid flat back on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling, his face forlorn. 

“I’m my own person.”

“I’m too aware,” Arthur deadpanned.

Merlin hit him in the chest.

“You have magic to protect you,” Arthur sighed. “I wish I knew about that earlier.”

Merlin shrunk back down. “I had been meaning to tell you, but you understand-”

“I wish you never had to be so scared, Merlin,” Arthur lowered his gaze to Merlin’s. He spoke lightly, “I’m glad you told me now, Merlin, or I would have become king unknowing that none of my accomplishments were completed on my own.”

“Arthur,” Merlin huffed and shook his head slightly. “When I first got here the dragon told me,” He tapped a forefinger aggressively on Arthur’s chest as he punctuated his sentance, “Yes, I could talk to the dragon, he kept calling me in my sleep, wouldn’t leave me be, anyway- he said I was only one half of a coin, and you were the other half.” Arthur’s face didn’t help to mask his confusion. Merlin ran a hand through his hair. “What I’m trying to say is we do things together. I may do a lot that you don’t know about, but your acts of bravery are just as important. You choose your battles, and I help you fight them.”

“You’re a better servant than I thought,” Arthur said dazedly. 

“I think it goes above servitude.” 

“I love you, Merlin.” 

Merlin’s jaw dropped slightly, and it instantly twisted into a grin. “Me too,” He whispered in a breath. He leaned in to press a kiss on the corner of Arthur’s lips. 

Arthur squeezed him close. “Oh, I love you.” His face could break with how much he was smiling, twisting his expression into a love-sick grin. Arthur took a deep huff of Merlin’s shirt. “You idiot.”

“Charming,” Merlin noted, trapped against Arthur’s chest.

-

Morgana came to stand beside Merlin, her hands crossed behind the back of her green dress. 

“Quite the occasion,” She grinned. The breeze flicked a strand of hair off her cheekbone.

“Of course,” Merlin adjusted his doublet. 

“We didn’t have anything to do with it either,” She hummed and sent him a secretive smile. 

“Oh, nothing at all. It was all Uther’s idea,” He whispered with a cheeky grin.

“He’s about to start rattling off that speech,” She left him to go stand on Uther’s other side.

The king leaned heavily on his cane to look over the balustrade, the cane of which he had relied on since he awoke from his sleep. It hadn’t taken him long to put his plans into action.

The four of them, the King, the Prince, and the secretly appointed Co-Court Sorcerers stood on the balcony over the courtyard. Below, Camelot collected, a large hoard of citizens from the lower town and some from the outlying villages. Nobles stood in groups closest to the castle walls and doors. Knights in their red stood at ease around it’s edges and were woven between.

Trumpets sounded, and a shout called to the start of the announcement. The crowd quieted. 

“You shall all know why we gathered here today!” Uther shouted, a rare smile upon his face, and his voice rang off the castle walls. 

Arthur shifted closer to Merlin, brushing the shoulders of their nearly matching red doublets. He raised an eyebrow, and Merlin bit his lip to keep from smiling too wide. 

“I want to repay my debts,” Uther leaned further on his cane, eyes lowered to watch the people. His voice enraptured the people. “I have committed horrible, inexcusable crimes against magic users. Nothing can do justice like returning the lives I took, but that is impossible.” He cleared his throat. 

The crowd murmured as he geared up, “You would never have expected me to say this, and let me tell you all with complete honesty. I’ve repealed the ban on magic!”

The courtyard was blanketed in shocked shouts, but it quickly quieted as the people nudged each other. 

“This is not a test!” Uther pressed, his eyebrows pressing together. The glassy eyes of the townspeople peered up at them, some slowly breaking out in grins and others going red with anger. 

“I have learned by now that magic is not inherently evil, it is only evil in the hands of those who use it so, and that is how I will see it from now on. Magic can be used freely, but it if it is put up to anything nefarious by it’s user, it will be judged the same as any other crime. A crime is still a crime. Magic itself is no longer a crime.

“I blindly thought that people who used magic only practiced it to harm and decept others, but many people are born with it, or follow it as a normal way of life, and I am deeply sorry for prosecuting you for it,” Uther spoke directly to the magic users suddenly. He paused.

Merlin smiled and couldn’t help but clap. He didn’t cheer, but the clapping alone was loud enough to drown out the crowd as it reverberated, and quickly the people were clapping with him. Morgana smiled from the other side of the balcony.

A hand reached for one of Merlin’s wrists, sliding up until it’s finger’s interlaced with Merlin’s and pulled him out of his clapping. Arthur smiled at Merlin. “Listen to it. They’re clapping for you.”

“It’s magical,” Merlin grinned, waving with his free hand. “They don’t even know why I’m up here.”

“You’re up here because you’ve saved every last one of them twice over,” Arthur laughed and leaned forward on the stone railing. “Look at our kingdom. It’s still young.” Arthur’s gaze fell, and he tried to ignore the sting in his heart. He wanted Merlin there with him to watch it grow, but chances were, he wouldn’t be around for long.

“Y’know, it’s nice to finally be recognized.” Merlin leaned next him. 

“I bet it is,” Arthur teased.

“Spread the word!” Uther shouted to the roar of the crowd. A few nobles looked between each other with distaste. The king grinned. “Magic is legal! No further discrimination of druids or magic users will be tolerated!”

A few members of the crowd screamed particularly loud and tears rose to Merlin’s eyes. “It’s incredible.”

Arthur wrapped an arm around his back, leaning into him to rest his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. The warlock leaned forward to bear his weight. “I’m happy for you; you and Morgana. You’ll have your own magical adventures now.” He breathed in Merlin, “We’re going to be great.” He wrapped his other arm around Merlin, hugging him from behind. “I’m going to be there for you, always.” He pressed his head in to the side of Merlin’s letting their hair brush together. 

“As long as I live, I’m here to serve you,” Merlin’s smile wobbled. 

“Me too.” Tears rose to Arthur’s eyes and he leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to Merlin’s jaw. 

-

Merlin sat atop Arthur’s lap in the grass, his legs kicked out to Arthur’s right, one crossed over the other to support his book. Arthur cradled him to his chest with one arm. He was straining himself with nothing to rest against, but Merlin didn’t seem to mind, notice, or care. 

The sun was out today, hot and heavy for once, and a picnic in the East field was prepared without missing a beat. 

Something Arthur didn’t know about Merlin was that he was amazing at multitasking when it came to his magic. Without it he was less than a bumbling fool. 

Currently, as Merlin was getting to the end of ‘Jules and Marina’s Adventures in Treason’, as Arthur had called it once, (and Merlin grumbled about his unfunniness for days afterward) he was also making a daisy chain. With magic. The daisies were plucked and sewn together using nothing but Merlin’s autopilot ability to hover things. 

Gwen was racing him, but even her precision messed up sometimes and she had to start all over. Merlin’s daisy chain quickly became a daisy crown, and when it was done, floated over to Arthur involuntarily. He scoffed, and reluctantly let go of the unassuming Merlin, to carefully transfer the crown to his black mop. Its white petals perfectly contrasted his hair. It seemed to tickle, as Merlin thoughtlessly reached up to itch it, and it broke in his hand. Arthur grunted in disappointment.

“It worked!” Merlin exclaimed. “Oh, I crushed it!”

“You really have it nice, you know, Merlin?” Gwaine sighed from where he lay with his arms crossed behind his head. He had taken his shirt off in the day’s heat, much to everyone else’s distaste.

“Do I?” Merlin glanced at Arthur. “I mean there’s this obvious thing here,” He gestured to Arthur who opened his mouth to rebut, but Gwaine cut him off.

“You know what I’m referring to. All that magic, all those chores, all those campfires. Man, if I had your skill.” Gwaine grimaced, thinking of all his past hand cramps from laboring over the firepit with a flint and steel.

Merlin shrugged with jollity. “Get Morgana to teach you; she’s teaching Lance.”

“I’ve tried!” Gwaine sat forward to raise his hands and grumbled before falling back into the grass with a thump. 

“Wait, Lancelot is doing magic?” Arthur asked from behind Merlin’s tucked head, and everyone looked at him in surprise. 

“You didn’t know?” Lancelot asked, turning to Morgana. “I’ve become quite proficient.”

“He’s a good student,” Morgana smirked. “And to think magic users can’t be knights.”

“Technically he was a knight first,” Gwen bit her lip, glancing away from them all to focus back on her daisy chain.

“Then why don’t I know any magic?” Arthur barked.

“You know plenty of card tricks, isn’t that close enough?” Merlin smirked. He went back to his book, knowing Arthur would be helplessly exasperated. 

“Good thing I love you,” Arthur kissed his ear and Merlin squirmed. “I don’t need magic to tell me that.”

Merlin pushed at Arthur’s stomach and he fell onto his back. 

“You’re such a fool.” Merlin huffed, staring down at him with disturb.

“That’s my line,” Arthur said dreamily, and didn’t object when Merlin layed down beside him in the grass. Merlin gave him half a smile and Arthur smirked, murmuring, “Are you feeling alright? You look a bit red.”

“Stop it, Arthur.” Merlin pushed away the hand seeking out his slim cheek. 

“Right, but when this is over-”

“Shut up!”