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Four Fools' Foolish Day

Summary:

Mu Qing and Feng Xin descend to the mortal realm to carry out what should have been a very simple mission. Unfortunately, the two run into Hua Cheng and Xie Lian when they're in a very mischievous mood. They may be friends but there's only so many pranks a god can take.

Notes:

This is a short one but I really like depicting post-canon Hualian as just enjoying each other's company and goofing around. They've earned it after all they've been through. I also like seeing Xianle Trio getting closer again while also acknowledging that Xie Lian is just different from them now. I hope y'all like it too!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Mu Qing flicked the blood from his saber while Feng Xin retrieved his arrows from the body of one of the feline beasts.

“Okay, how many are left?” Feng Xin grunted, tucking his arrows away and walking over to Mu Qing. Mu Qing scanned the corpses and quickly tallied them up.

“Based on the report my deputies gave me, there should be five left. After this battle, they’re probably going to cross over into General Qi Ying’s territory. You know how difficult he can be.” Feng Xin sighed and nodded. Quan Yizhen didn’t care much if other gods trespassed onto his territory but if he heard there was a fight to be had, he’d descend in a heartbeat and place himself right in the middle. That would only make for far more paperwork afterwards and that, in turn, would lead to getting on Ling Wen’s bad side. Neither of them wanted that.

“Right.” Feng Xin said. “Let’s go.” For once, Mu Qing and Feng Xin didn’t bicker. They had an influx of prayers in regards to large packs of these bothersome creatures flooding the south. Mu Qing had his deputies gather information on them and Feng Xin sent his deputies down to herd them away from major populations. Now it was up to the two gods to sweep up this mess before it became uncontrollable. They’ve dealt with something like this before and, despite their differences, they knew that moving as a team was best. Fighting on their own time was one thing, but fighting when mortal lives were on the line was another.

Before the fall of Jun Wu, reluctantly working as a team took all of Mu Qing’s energy. He felt like a cat that was roughly pet the wrong way and he always had to stay on guard. Things left unsaid always swam to the surface and a fight was bound to start. After what all the gods referred to as Jun Wu’s departure, things had certainly gotten better between him and Feng Xin. They certainly had things to fight about but it felt like every deep misunderstanding was dispersed. Missions like this went by faster now and without many problems. As a matter of fact, the last time they really had any big issue was when they ran into Xie Lian’s obnoxious husband, Hua Cheng.

Just as the thought of that vindictive ghost crossed Mu Qing’s mind, he heard the telltale whines of a fox. Mu Qing froze and Feng Xin didn’t need to be told to prepare himself. He already pulled out an arrow and glared in the direction of the whining. Lately, Hua Cheng has taken it upon himself to toy with them like they were mice and he was a cat. The only option was to retreat but Hua Cheng didn’t even make a cowardly escape easy. They had to kill these beasts so ascending wasn’t an option but if they knew where Hua Cheng was, they could attempt to run in the opposite direction.

“Do you see him?” Feng Xin hissed through the communication array.

“No, I–!” Mu Qing cut himself off and tilted his chin up towards the clearing. Xie Lian was lying awkwardly on the ground while a fox, that was no doubt Hua Cheng, gnawed on his arm. This could be their chance to run off but neither moved. Mu Qing didn’t need to voice his concerns since he felt they were obvious but Feng Xin felt otherwise.

“What the fuck! Is His Highness alright? Is Hua Cheng…eating him?” Yeah, there was no explanation for Crimson Rain’s behavior. If Xie Lian was dead, Mu Qing truly wouldn’t put it past Hua Cheng to eat him in some perverted effort to feel as close as possible to His Highness. This ghost wasn’t right in his mind. An investigation was warranted.

“We’ll check and then leave.” Mu Qing briskly said as he began to march forward. Hua Cheng had heard their approach and began to whine louder in excitement. He kept glancing up from the arm he was chewing on. The scene really didn’t look good. Xie Lian was face down with his legs bent as if he had collapsed while running. Drool pooled around his cheeks and his hair was disheveled. His appearance must’ve upset Feng Xin because he released an arrow near Xie Lian’s arm in an attempt to get Hua Cheng to stop chewing. Hua Cheng hissed at them and furiously clambered on to his god’s back.

“Fuck off, Crimson Rain! Stop…doing whatever the fuck it is you’re doing to him!”

“Eating him.” Mu Qing growled, glaring at Hua Cheng. “The freak is eating him.” Hua Cheng’s eyes narrowed and the whining died down. This was a sure fire sign of Hua Cheng deciding it was best to attack them and the two quickly grabbed their weapons. Fortunately, Xie Lian let out a loud snort and jerked.

“Huh? What?” Xie Lian dumbly said. Mu Qing blinked a few times in disbelief.

“Wait, were you asleep?” Xie Lian wiped his face and groggily looked around. Hua Cheng scrambled into Xie Lian’s robes and began to growl. Gently cradling him, Xie Lian glanced about before focusing on Mu Qing and Feng Xin.

“Oh, hello!” He said brightly. Any lingering sleep on his features quickly drained away and he gracefully rose from the floor.

“Why do you think it’s appropriate for a god of your status to be sleeping in the forest like you were bucked in the head by a horse?” Mu Qing snapped. Xie Lian put on an awkward smile.

“It was very comfortable here. I suppose I was really out of it.” Xie Lian chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Why was he chewing on you?” Feng Xin sneered, pointing at Xie Lian’s robes. Xie Lian let out a soft hum and pulled Hua Cheng out of his robes. He placed him down at his feet and in the blink of an eye, the fox became a young farmer with a very annoyed expression.

“San Lang just likes to goof around.” Xie Lian said with a wave of his hand. Hua Cheng lazily strolled around Xie Lian, his mood clearly brightening from just being in his god’s orbit. Xie Lian smiled at him and all anger drained from Hua Cheng’s face.

“That’s ‘goofing’ around?” Feng Xin said in a flat voice. Xie Lian titled his head as if he didn’t understand why Feng Xin would be so confused. Hua Cheng leaned down to Xie Lian and began to whisper something in his ear while staring at Mu Qing and Feng Xin. Mu Qing let out an annoyed huff and scowled. That irritating ghost could damn well use the communication array but he just wanted to fuck with them by blatantly gossiping in front of them. Mu Qing wasn’t going to sit around and be openly disrespected.

“We don’t have time for this.” Mu Qing snapped, spinning away and stomping back to their path. “We have to get back to our mission.” Feng Xin promptly followed him but he could hear a soft “oh” come from Xie Lian and some more whispering between him and his husband. There was a soft rustling sound and Xie Lian had already caught up with them.

“What mission are we doing?” Xie Lian happily said, his husband obediently by his side, strangely without protest. Mu Qing briefly side-eyed him before returning his attention to Xie Lian.

“No, Dianxia. Feng Xin and I are on a mission, not you.” Mu Qing said curtly. Unfortunately, Feng Xin was nicer than him.

“We’re hunting more of those tiger beasts, Your Highness.” Feng Xin grumbled, also glancing suspiciously at Hua Cheng. Of course the ghost would go wherever Xie Lian went but he wasn’t one to keep his mouth shut over his disdain of them. “We’re just trying to get this done as fast as possible.”

“Well, I’m sure I can help finish this sooner!” Xie Lian said. Mu Qing caught a smirk flicker on Hua Cheng’s face.

“What are you two up to?” Mu Qing hissed. Feng Xin and Xie Lian stopped walking to turn to Mu Qing while Hua Cheng scowled and wandered deeper into the trees. That was more like it. The further that creep was from them, the better. Strangely, Xie Lian didn’t seem to mind. His indifference certainly caught Feng Xin’s attention.

“What are you two up to?” Feng Xin said, crossing his arms. Xie Lian looked like he was suppressing a smile but quickly shook his head.

“I’m just glad to see how well you two are getting along, is all.” Mu Qing rolled his eyes and Feng Xin let out a soft huff.

“He’s still annoying.” Mu Qing and Feng Xin said in unison. They glared at each other before looking back to Xie Lian who was now hiding his smile behind his sleeve. Strangely, Xie Lian was looking slightly over their shoulders. Mu Qing was about to see what he was looking at when, suddenly, a woman’s piercing shriek exploded right next to his ear. “AAAAAAAAA!”

They’ve been gods for a little over 800 years but that didn’t stop them from jumping and screaming alongside this new voice. They both drew their weapons and spun around, ready for a fight. Mu Qing steadied his breath and quickly looked around only to find nothing amiss aside from a deep unfamiliar laugh rumbling from the trees. He furrowed his brows but before he could investigate, he heard Xie Lian laughing and his blood began to boil.

“Dianxia, this isn’t funny!” Mu Qing snapped. Xie Lian had a hand over his mouth and was trembling with laughter.

“No, no, of course not.” Xie Lian gasped between snorts of laughter.

“Did you know that was going to happen.” Feng Xin said, his voice low with annoyance. Xie Lian gave a weak shake of his head and looked down to keep laughing. “Your Highness, you can’t just–.”

“AAAAAAAAAAA!” Another scream burst right between them and the two couldn’t help but gasp in shock. This time, when Mu Qing spun around he found Hua Cheng was stumbling out from the trees, doubled over laughing.

“Twice! I got them twice, Gege!” He howled. Mu Qing didn’t need a mirror to know how red his face was. He looked back to glare at Xie Lian only to see that he had fallen down from laughing so hard.

“This isn’t funny!” Mu Qing roared.

“Fucking–! Your Highness, you need to stop spending so much time around that menace!” Feng Xin said. He didn’t sound as embarrassed as Mu Qing felt but he certainly wasn’t happy with Xie Lian taking part in Hua Cheng’s annoying pranks.

“I’m–sorry! Hahaha! Oh my goodness, you two should’ve seen your faces!” Xie Lian guffawed.

“I told you it was going to be funny!” Hua Cheng laughed, strolling over to help Xie Lian back to his feet. “Did you hear the way they screamed like little sissies?”

“Screw both of you.” Mu Qing said with a sneer. Feng Xin grumbled something under his breath while Xie Lian quieted his laughs with a few coughs.

“Okay, don’t be mad now. It was just a silly prank.”

“They’re so sensitive, Gege. How pathetic.” Mu Qing clenched his jaw so hard he might’ve broken a few teeth. It was no use arguing with these two. He stomped away with Feng Xin silently following by his side.

“Oh, you two, don’t be so mad!” Xie Lian called after them but they didn’t slow down. Thankfully, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng didn’t follow them. After a few moments of silence, Feng Xin spoke up with a pressing question.

“How did Hua Cheng make his scream sound like a woman’s? And how did he throw his voice like that?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.”

“But–!”

“I don’t know and I don’t care! Those two want to act like insufferable brats all day? Let them!” Feng Xin only let out a hum in response. Mu Qing didn’t think he disagreed but he was confused as to why Feng Xin wasn’t more annoyed. Mu Qing wasn’t the only one with pride. As if reading his mind, Feng Xin’s voice rose again.

“It’s probably been a long time since His Highness had some nonsensical fun.” Feng Xin said softly. That gave Mu Qing pause but he quickly shook his head.

“That doesn’t mean I give permission to that pompous ghost to harass me!”

“You think I want him messing with me? No! They’re just…having fun. And we both know it could be worse.” Mu Qing rolled his eyes but relented. 

“Whatever. Let’s just get this mission done so we can go back to–.”

“AAAAAAAAAAA!” The sound of Xie Lian’s scream pitched the two forward in shock and they let out their own screams.

“AAAAA What the fuck!” Feng Xin screamed. Mu Qing clenched his chest in an attempt to calm his racing heart.

“Dianxia!” Mu Qing yelled but Xie Lian was doubled over, clutching his stomach. “I just said this wasn’t funny! What is wrong with you!” Xie Lian looked up, his face blooming with a smile so wide it stopped Mu Qing in his tracks.

“Hahaha! I got them too! I got you guys!” Xie Lian howled. “Oh–oh my gosh! Hahaha! San Lang, did you see?” Hua Cheng stumbled out of the trees laughing alongside Xie Lian and nodding victoriously. 

“You made them scream!” Hua Cheng snorted with laughter. “What a bunch of cowards!” Mu Qing wanted to wipe that stupid smile off of Hua Cheng’s face but when Xie Lian straightened and wiped tears off of his face, Mu Qing reluctantly forced his anger down.

“Fine, yes, you got us.” Mu Qing muttered. “Are you happy with yourselves?” Xie Lian nodded but was still too out of breath to properly reply.

“Good job, Your Highness.” Feng Xin sighed, still glaring at Hua Cheng, who wore a shit eating grin. To their surprise, Xie Lian pulled them into a tight hug. They could still feel Xie Lian giggling. Feng Xin gently hugged him back and Mu Qing patted Xie Lian’s back.

“You’re both good sports.” Xie Lian brightly said, pulling back with a large smile.

“They’re really not.” Hua Cheng said with a click of his tongue. Xie Lian waved his hand at this but he was positively giddy.

“Alright, you guys can do your mission now. We won’t scare you again.” Xie Lian said. Mu Qing really wanted to say he wasn’t scared but that would probably provoke Hua Cheng. The ghost was already watching them with a cruel smile. All of a sudden, Hua Cheng’s face lit up and he began to chuckle. 

“Gege,” Xie Lian turned to him with a loving smile. “My butterflies picked up General Ming Guang near the border. Want to see that man scream like a baby?” Xie Lian clapped his hands together and excitedly sprinted to his side. Hua Cheng let out a booming laugh and took his hand. Without another word to Mu Qing or Feng Xin, the two ran off together, hand in hand, giggling.

Mu Qing had a lot of things to say but, watching his friend run off with his husband so happily, stopped any of those words from passing his lips. Finally, Mu Qing sighed and shared a look with Feng Xin before finally continuing their mission.

Notes:

A few days after April Fool's day too! Hua Cheng and Xie Lian will get around to harassing all the gods at some point. Let them have their fun. Thanks for reading!

 

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