Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

🦷🦷🦷

When he came home from work, Ed found Stede crying in the bathroom.

Obviously, seeing his husband crying would upset anyone, but it was particularly alarming in this case. Despite doing his best in therapy to overcome that, Stede was a professional at bottling up. He only broke down when he was at his lowest point.

Embarrassed, he wiped his face quickly.

“Oh- you’re home early-“

Gently, Ed sat on the floor next to Stede.

“I’m not. It’s almost eight. What’s going on, Stede?”

“I’m sorry-“

“None of that. You know you’re never supposed to apologize for being upset.”

He guided Stede in his arms, letting him sob in his chest.

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere. Let it all out. I’m here, love. I’m here.”

Ed gently caressed his husband’s hair, while he slowly calmed down.

“That’s right, take the time to breathe love. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Thank you…”

Stede sniffed, and wiped his face with his sleeve.

“So. Are we gonna, y’know, talk about it?”

“Ed, it’s-“

“Please don’t tell me it’s nothing, baby. We both know you don’t break down crying if there’s nothing.”

Stede looked down, embarrassed.

“But it really is not that big of a deal. I’m just being too sensitive as always.”

“Stede, it’s okay, whatever it is I won’t judge you. I know you know that.”

“I know, but- I feel ridiculous.”

Ed patiently waited for Stede to quietly answer him while avoiding his gaze.

“I… have a bit of a… discomfort… in one of my… tooth.”

Oh-

Oh .

“You have a toothache?”

He nodded.

“Oh baby…”

He squeezed Stede in his arms.

“Was the breakdown because of the pain or the anxiety?”

“… anxiety…”

“Okay, how bad is your pain then? On a scale of one to-“

“Ed please. Can we- talk about this later?”

His voice wobbled with the threat of new tears coming. Ed didn’t insist.

He knew of his husband’s dental phobia, being a dentist himself it had to have come up at some point.

But he never actually saw how distressed Stede could actually get from just thinking about treatment…

He decided to wait until Stede calmed down more and relaxed to bring up the subject again.

The two of them moved to the couch and cuddled for a bit.

“How was your day, love? Besides that?”

“It was fine. I read a bit, cleaned the kitchen. I missed you, thought. The house is too empty when you’re not here.”

“Oh baby…” Ed kissed the top of Stede’s head.

“I’m sorry, I know you work hard, you shouldn’t have to come home to deal with me like that-“

“What if I want to? I missed you too, you know. And I want to be there for you. I don’t like to see you upset, but I especially don’t like not being here for you when you need me.”

“I shouldn’t need you, that’s the thing though! I’m an adult, I shouldn’t break down over silly thing-“

“Stede Bonnet, I need you to look at me.”

Hesitantly, he obeyed.

“I love you. I want to help you. You have the right to be upset, and I’m here to help. So try not to beat yourself up, I know it’s already hard enough for you.”

“I love you too… thank you my love.”

He snuggled closer to Ed, his heartbeat slightly less fast than it was before.

“…between six and seven.”

“Uh?”

“The pain. It’s… on a scale of one to ten, it’s between six and seven.”

Ed gently cradled his hand in Stede’s hair.

“Thank you for telling me baby. When did it began to hurt?”

“About three days ago…”

“Okay. Did something happened, did you fall or hit yourself?”

He shook his head.

“Did you took anything for the pain?”

“Yes, an Ibuprofen.”

“Good. Thank you baby, I know you don’t like to talk about these things. Do you think I could take a quick look at your tooth? You might have a cavity and we don’t want it to get infected.”

Stede flinched.

“… can- can we do this tomorrow? Please?”

Ed quickly caressed Stede’s back reassuringly.

“Okay love. We’ll check tomorrow. Let’s just watch a movie and relax tonight, okay?”

“Yes please. Thank you Ed.”

🦷🦷🦷

The next morning, Ed woke up to a wonderful breakfast in bed.

“Good morning, my love!”

He yawned before answering.

“G’morning, mate. Since when are you awake?”

“Oh, I woke about an hour ago and I got bored. So I made waffles!”

Stede smiled brightly at his husband. A little too brightly.

“That’s so sweet, thank you baby. But waffles are not gonna make you forget what we talked about yesterday, you know.”

His smiled turned into a pout, and Stede looked like a kicked puppy.

“Come on Ed, I was just being dramatic. You know how I get. It’s nothing to be worried about.”

“When you come home to your husband crying because his tooth hurts, you can’t say it’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Ed please- just drop it, alright? I’m telling you, it’s nothing. Can you please trust me?”

Ed stayed silent for a few seconds.

“You’re right. I trust you.”

“Thank you, darling-“

“Since there is nothing wrong at all with your teeth, would you mind sharing with me? I can’t help but notice there’s only one plate.”

Stede’s lips pinched together.

“I already ate. Thank you though.”

“Really? That’s weird, why wouldn’t you wait for me?”

“… I was hungry and you were sleeping…”

“That’s too bad. Because there’s everything you like on this. Sticky caramel, crunchy peanuts, oh and some sweet, sweet nougat-“

“Alright, I got it! Stop that!”

Before Stede could get too annoyed, Ed puts his hand on his arm.

“Baby, I get that you’re nervous. But we both know how avoiding it would end up, right?”

Stede stayed silent.

“You know I only want to help you. You need to trust me.”

“I… Ed, this isn’t about you- I mean, I love you and I do trust you, I swear. It’s just…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence before sobbing uncontrollably.

Ed took him in his arms, feeling helpless.

“You- you shouldn’t have to deal with me- I know I can’t do this. I- I know you’re gonna get frustrated with me and… and…”

“Baby, let’s calm down first and then we’ll talk, okay? Breathe, baby. I’m here for you.”

To be honest, Ed had always dreaded the day when he will have to tell Stede he needed dental treatment. Being both his husband and the thing he hates the most was making him torned.

The husband part of him wants to shield Stede of anything that upsets him, but the dentist part of him knows that he needs to have regular checkups in order to take proper care of his teeth.

But when the mention of dentistry alone makes someone you love panic, how can you convince them to actually do that?

Ed had seen his fair share of anxious patients, but they didn’t freaked out before even entering the surgery. And if they did, they were kids and it was expected for them to not control their emotions properly.

But Ed never met anyone with as severe of a phobia as Stede.

“Sorry…”

Stede wiped off his remaining tears and sat next to Ed.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know.”

They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to freak you out, I really don’t. I’m just really worried about you because I know that whatever’s bothering you is something that I will likely be able to fix easily. But if you keep avoiding me, it’s gonna get worse and... baby, I really don’t want that. It’s already a lot for you considering your anxiety, and I know I can make it better-“

“I know Ed. But- I really can’t. I never told you how bad my fear was, because I was ashamed. My last appointments were me screaming, crying, one time I even ran out before they could even touch me. And that was ten years ago, it didn’t get better with time at all. I’m a fucking mess, Ed, and I didn’t want you to see that part of me.”

Ed gently rocked Stede in his arms.

“I love every parts of you, Stede Bonnet. Even the ones you hate, the ones you’re ashamed of, and the ones you want to prevent me from. Nothing could change my mind.”

He kissed his forehead.

“And I just know that I can make it better. I know I can help you overcome your fear. It will take time, but we have plenty of that. I’m not giving up on you, Stede. You’re stuck with me as long as you’ll have me.”

Stede chuckled softly.

“Well, that’ll be for a while I’m afraid.”

“Lucky me!”

They both giggled together, and Ed peppered Stede’s cheek in little kisses.

“Here’s what I think. I’m gonna eat this delicious looking breakfast that my loving and caring husband made just for me, then we can move to the couch where I’ll get a good lighting and I’ll just take a tiiiiny peak at your fangs. Okay?”

“Do I really have a choice…”

“Reason always wins, Stede. Besides, I’m offering you a great option for you. For now I just look, we do this in the house and not in a dentist office, there will be nothing scary.”

He hid his face in the crook of Ed’s neck, and whined.

“I hate you.”

“You hate that I’m right.”

“Mmh. Both.”

🦷🦷🦷

Stede was sat at the end of the couch, hugging one of their decorative pillows protectively in front of him.

“Okay baby, I’ll be really quick. Just tell me, do you know which tooth is it?”

“Uh, it’s- the third from the back, on the bottom right.”

“Okay good, I shouldn’t need a mirror to see. So no tools right now, just my light torch.”

He emphasized his word by showing said torch, a small keychain one.

“Okay…”

“You’re good Stede?”

He nodded, looking really nervous.

“Whenever you’re ready, just open wide.”

Stede took a deep breath and closed his eyes before opening his mouth as instructed.

“Good boy” whispered Ed.

He shone the light on the trouble tooth, which was easily identified by a small but deep black spot.

Yep, that’s for sure a cavity.

Before he could say anything, Stede suddenly closed his jaw shut with a panicked look on his face.

“Sorry-sorry- I got- I got scared- it’s stupid-“

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You did good.”

He took a shaky breath.

“So? It’s bad, isn’t it…?”

“Calm down Stede, you’re alright. No, it’s not bad. I didn’t get a long look at it, but there’s definitely a cavity. I think it’s starting to attack the dentin underneath, that’s probably why it hurts. We’ll need to take an X-ray to be sure, but you’ll probably just need a filling.”

What was meant to be reassuring news didn’t sound that way, judging by Stede’s horrified look.

“But- I- I take care of my teeth, Ed, I brush and floss all the time- I can’t have a cavity, you must’ve looked wrong-“

He started to cry, desesperely wiping the frustrated tears.

“I’m not disgusting- I-I swear-“

Ed started to panic, not knowing what to do to calm his husband down.

“Stede, listen to me baby. It’s fine, everyone gets cavities from time to time. Nothing to do with being disgusting. For a lot of folks, it’s genetic.”

“But- but I tried so hard, Ed, I- I did everything right- I don’t want to go back in there please please don’t make me go, I’ll be good, I swear just- please-“

Stede’s sobs became uncontrollable, and Ed decided to try hugging him close to provide him comforting pressure.

It mostly seemed to work, as Stede hugged him back and both started to rock back in force. Ed calmly hummed and caressed his back and arms.

“I’m here. You’re safe. I love you.”

Ed kept repeating these words in Stede’s ear, hoping that he’ll eventually fully believe it.

“I’m- I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be Stede. You’re fine.”

He seemed to have calmed down, but Ed needed to be sure.

“Do you need to call your therapist?”

He shook his head.

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it now or later?”

“No option for neither?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well, better get done with it now.”

Unable to meet Ed’s eyes, Stede hesitantly started to talk.

“I’m gonna trauma dump a whole lot. Are you-“

“I’m okay, Stede. I’m listening.”

He nodded.

“My dad… he was an asshole.”

“Cheers to that.”

“He made it clear that… he didn’t like me. And he would punish me a lot. Physically.”

Ed didn’t say anything, just held Stede a little tighter.

“I always hated the dentist since I was small. The noise and the smell alone were a living hell for an autistic kid like me. But the pain is what made me the most scared. Dentists were not soft at the time… My dad obviously noticed, I would cry and beg not to go, but he got madder and madder at me every time I complained.”

“…One time, he found my journal. I was twelve at the time, and I had a crush on that boy. He saw everything Ed, every stupid gay thought I had about that boy were on that journal. I was terrified, and I waited for him to lash out on me…”

Stede swallow loudly, silent tears rolling on his face.

“But the scary thing was, he didn’t yell at me. He didn’t hit me. He looked so calm, yet so so mad… I was so scared…”

“Then he took me to my dentist appointment. I was so terrified of my dad that I didn’t say a thing the whole ride. And when we arrived, he-“

He took a few deep breaths before continuing.

“He told the dentist not to use anesthetic. He said- he said that I needed to become a man, and that I was being too coddled- that I-that I needed to know what pain really feels like-“

“I had three fillings that day. I screamed so loud, I couldn’t speak the next day. I can still remember how painful it was- I kept crying and begging him to stop, but no one listened.”

“Stede…”

“I did not became a man that day. I became a pathetic, weak, traumatized boy that can’t step into a dentist office without having a panic attack.”

“Your father is the pathetic one. You were just a kid… Stede, baby, what happened to you is horrifying and unfair. You did nothing wrong, and I wish this fucking bastard was still alive so I could kill him myself.”

“Thank you my love...”

“And I know that it sucks to face your fear, but I’m not asking you to do this alone. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way, you’ll be in control, you’ll be safe. I will make sure of that. I’ll do anything to make you as comfortable as possible.”

Stede didn’t answer, so Ed kept going.

“You are NOT getting punished Stede, okay? I just want to take your pain away. You did nothing wrong, and everything will be fine.”

“Do you promise…?” Whispered Stede with a trembling voice.

Ed took Stede’s hand in his and looked at his husband in his eyes.

“I promise.”

🦷🦷🦷

“Okay, so here’s what I was thinking.”

Stede shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He knew the conversation would have to continue at some point, but it didn’t make it easier.

Ed had sat both of them in the kitchen, explaining his plan.

“We could go to my office Saturday, the cabinet will be closed and it would just be us. This way, we can take all the time we need.”

“Can’t it wait for next week…?”

“Yes, it could. But I know you Stede, and if we wait a whole week you’ll spend that time stressing over it and bottling up. I’m afraid that your anxiety will be worse by the time of the appointment. But it’s up to you.”

“…okay. I hear you. I absolutely hate it, but I hear you.”

“Speaking of things you’re gonna hate, I have another suggestion that I want you to consider.”

“What is it…?”

“I think Izzy should do the filling.”

Stede left out a nervous laughter, but was faced with the raised questioning eyebrows of Ed.

“Oh god, you can’t actually be serious…”

“I’m very serious.”

“Ed, I’m not even considering someone else than you looking in my mouth!”

“Listen to me first, okay? First of all, I know it sounds weird, but Izzy’s really good with kids and nervous patients. He’s more experienced and he’ll never judged you for being scared.”

Ed could tell that Stede needed more convincing.

“Second of all, if he’s the one working in your mouth, I can be besides you and hold your hands.”

That argument seemed to make him consider it.

“And if we’re two, the procedure will be shorter. I want you to think about it, love.”

“… do I really have to do this? At all?”

“You know the answer already, baby.”

“Fuck… okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’m okay for Izzy…”

“Great! Thank you for your trust. I’ll give him a call right now.”

“Yes, great.”

He gently kissed Stede’s temple.

“You’ll be okay baby.”

🦷🦷🦷

The drive to the dentist office was weirdly quiet.

The thing is, Stede is never quiet. The guy can’t shut up to save his life and Ed loves that about him.

But right now, as Ed drove him to what must feel like his death sentence, he just quietly fidgeted with his cuffs and looked at the window.

Once they finally parked, Ed squeezed Stede’s hand to bring him back to reality.

“Ready, Stede?”

“…no.”

His voice was small and shaky.

“Let’s stay in here for a minute. It’s okay.”

“I- I think we should go back home. I changed my mind.”

“Take a deep breath baby. You’re safe, remember.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m fine, let’s get back home-“

Suddenly, Izzy’s car parked next to them.

“I’m gonna take care of you the whole way. You’re brave Stede, the fear can’t control you because you are in control.”

They could see Izzy getting his keys and opening the front door of the office.

Stede closed his eyes defeatedly, and opened the car door. It was going to happen…

🦷🦷🦷

Chapter Text

🦷🦷🦷

Stede was calming down by swaying back and forth after taking the X-rays.

Ed couldn’t be in the room with him while the machine turned against his head menacingly, and Stede had hated that.

“You did very well, baby.”

Ed looked at his computer, and analyzed the image of his husband’s teeth.

Like he thought, the cavity was deep enough to start to hurt but should be an easy fix. But what really stood out to him were the awful looking silver fillings he had on his molars. They were without a doubt the ones Stede told him about. If he had these done with no anesthesia, no wonder he was traumatized now…

“How are you holding up, Bonnet?”

Izzy had finished preparing the filling tray, and sat next to Stede on a bench.

“I’m okay… well, not really. But I’m not gonna have a panic attack right now.”

“That’s a good start. Can you tell me which part of the process are making you nervous?”

“I’m- I’m scared of the pain-“

Izzy nodded.

“I’m scared that- you won’t stop- if I’m in pain…”

Ed sat besides both of them, and puts his hand on Stede’s shoulder.

“That’s a fairly common thing to be nervous about. I hope we can make it as pleasant of an experience as going to the dentist can be.”

Izzy pointed at the X-rays.

“Your decay is starting to get into the sensitive part of the tooth, we’ll numb you before so you don’t feel any pain.”

“Then” continued Ed, “once you can’t feel the right side of your mouth, we’ll get rid of the cavity with the drill and put the filling in place. It’s gonna be quick, half an hour maximum.”

“And if you feel any pain or need a break, just lift your hand and we’ll stop. Do you have any questions?”

Stede shook his head.

“Okay, you can sit on the chair whenever you’re ready.”

He obeyed.

“I’m lowering the chair now, it’s gonna move.”

Even with the warning, Ed could see Stede panic when the dental chair layed him flat. He instinctively grabbed Ed’s hand.

“You’re okay, you’re doing great baby.”

“Fuck, I think I’m gonna be sick-“

“Slow breath baby, I gotcha. Just close your eyes and focus on relaxing for now, okay?”

“Okay…”

Ed gently puts the hand that wasn’t holding Stede’s on his stomach, caressing him as he fell it rise and lower with each breath.

“When you’re ready, open as big as you can. Izzy is gonna put a bit of gel on your gum to numb the area so you won’t feel the needle.”

The mention of needles made Stede whimper, to which Ed answered by kissing his knuckles.

“You’ll be alright love, this will be over before you know it. Just the gel for now, nothing scary.”

Stede looked at Izzy, who was holding a q-tip looking thing coated in pink. Nothing scary. He could do that.

He opened his mouth slowly.

“A bit wider please.”

Embarrassed, he complied.

Izzy just placed the q-tip at the base on his tooth, coating the gel around a little bit.

“Okay, you can close now. Keep this against your gum, it’ll only take five minutes.”

“O’ay…”

“Good job, baby. You’ll see, Izzy knows what he’s doing. It’ll be painless.”

Stede’s heart kept pounding really fast despite Ed’s attempt at reassuring him. He wanted to believe him, to believe everything would be fine. But everything about this office reminded him of the pain, and he couldn’t calm down his fear.

“Do you need anything? I can get you one of your fidget toys, or your headphones if you need-“

“No, don’ ‘o p’ease!!”

Panicked, he grabbed on Ed’s arm harder.

“Stede, baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I was just gonna grab our bag, I’m not leaving you.”

“I jus’ need you, p’ease…”

“Okay, okay, it’s okay baby, I’m right here.”

He gently brushed the hair out of Stede’s face, and used his thumb to wipe the tear menacing to fall.

“Are you okay, Bonnet?”

Stede nodded, wiping his face in embarrassment.

“Can I check if you’re numb?”

Izzy had an explorer tool and a mirror in his hand. Nothing super scary, but Stede knew it would mean that the dreaded needle was next.

“He just want to make sure you don’t feel anything, baby. It’s okay.”

He complied, and opened his mouth. Izzy took the numbing gel out, and gently poked around his tooth.

“Raise your hand if you can feel any of that, okay?”

He didn’t feel anything, and was actually grateful when he realized that his tooth wasn’t hurting him anymore. But of course, this was temporary.

“Good, we can keep going. Do you need a short break?”

Stede tried not to look at the syringe lying on the tray, and nodded.

“Okay, try to relax.”

Easy for you to say , thought Stede.

“I’ll make a call in the meantime. I’ll be back.”

Izzy got out of the room, leaving Stede alone with his husband.

“How are you feeling?”

“Terrified. I’m not ready, Ed.”

“Is Izzy being here making it worse or better?”

“… better, actually. You were right, he’s really good... Don’t tell him I said that.”

Ed chuckled.

“I won’t, I promise. Listen sweetheart, you’re doing really good so far. And I get that it’s scary. But look how far you’ve come!”

“I didn’t do anything, Ed-“

“Bullshit. Tell me, what happened at your last appointment?”

Stede looked down, blushing.

“I- I ran away during the checkup. They didn’t even do any procedure, just… the sound of the electric toothbrush thing triggered me and I… I just left.”

“And here you are, after ten years of avoiding it, sitting in a dental chair and not running away.”

“I might.” He looked at the syringe again and cringed. “Actually, I’m strongly considering it right now.”

“You won’t, because you know you’ll just end up going back and do it all over. You want to be done with it.”

“Fuck, yes I do.”

“And I’ll be with you the whole way.”

Izzy came back, startling Stede.

“Ah- already…?”

“We can wait a bit more if you want, but I think it’s best to get it over with it before you freak out too much.”

“I know, but…”

Ed stand up, still holding both of Stede’s hands in one of his.

“Take the time to breathe, baby. You’re gonna close your eyes, and focus on breathing deeply through your nose the whole time. I want you to focus just on my voice and on your breathing, okay?”

Stede whined, but complied anyway. He tried really hard to focus on Ed’s deep and reassuring voice instead of the pointy, huge needle -

“Snap out of it Stede. Just my voice and your breathing. Deeeeeep breath in… and out. Again, deep breath in… and out. Good, you’re doing really well. Now, keep breathing just like that, and open as big as you can. Very good. You need to stay very still, focus on how the air fills your lungs. It’s just my voice and your breathing, nothing else.”

Stede felt a finger hooking his cheek and pulling a little. He started to panic and opened his eyes, but Ed’s right hand rested gently on his eyelids while the left one traced circles on Stede’s knuckles with his thumb.

“No looking, baby. Keep doing your breathing. It’s just my voice. Izzy is gonna give you the anesthetic, it will pinch a little and there will be a bit of pressure. It’s not gonna hurt. You just stay still, and take a big breath in…”

Stede could feel the pressure, the needle was in his gum right now -

“Very good baby, now a deep breath out. Keep going, just a few more seconds for me. You’re being so brave, love. Deep breath in…”

Finally, the pressure went away. Instead, the disgusting sound of the little vacuum tube replaced it in his mouth. Izzy took it out quickly after the taste of the anesthetic was rinsed away.

“… and out. You can close your mouth, you did the hardest part.”

Stede sighed in relief, and realized he has been crying. Horrified, he hid his face in his hands.

“Sorry, sorry- I-“

“You’re okay Stede, don’t worry.”

“It’s so stupid, it didn’t even hurt that bad- why am I crying-“

The quiet tears turned into ugly sobs that Stede quickly hid in Ed’s chest.

Coddled like a child because he’s crying at the dentist. Pathetic. Weak. His father was right-

“Remember what I told you before, Stede. You’re not punished. You are safe. I am with you the whole way, I love you and I care for you.”

“This is stupid… I am stupid! You didn’t sign up for this… I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“You’re smart and brilliant and the bravest man I know. You’re also traumatized and this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Ed… Ed I want to go home… please I can’t, I can’t do this- please I’m sorry-“

Stede wasn’t able to listen to Ed trying to reassure him. He felt far from his body, and kept on thinking about his father over and over and over again -

“Bonnet. Listen to me, okay? Can you hear me?”

Between his sobs, Stede heard Izzy’s voice and remembered that they weren’t alone. He felt so ashamed.

Realizing that Izzy was waiting for an answer, he nodded.

“Good. Just focus on what I’m saying. Can you name five things you can see?”

Stede tried to focus his eyes on something else than his tears.

“I can see… my ring, your desk, the diploma in the wall- the-the water dispenser… and- the computer.”

“Now, tell me four thing you can feel.”

Stede needed to concentrate for this one.

“… Edward hugging me… the chair beneath me… my watch around my wrist and- and my socks around my ankles.”

“Very good. Three things you can hear?”

“…the air conditioner… Ed-Ed’s breathing… and- and the wind outside-“

“Two things you can smell?”

“Lavender essence oil, the one Ed puts on his clothes… and his conditioner…”

“And now, one thing you can taste.”

“…strawberry?” Stede said, confused.

Ed chuckled.

“You used the good stuff Iz? That’s nice of you.”

“The numbing cream is fruit flavored yes. Usually I use it for kids.”

“Oh...”

“Are you feeling better?”

The tears had stopped, and Stede felt tired but back in his body.

“I guess I do. Sorry-“

“It’s fine. Did we rushed you too much?”

“No, you did everything right- It didn’t even hurt, I’m just- being a baby-“

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You made a huge step today, and dental phobia doesn’t heal itself in a day. We’ve done the hardest part already, but it’s up to you to keep going. You’re in control.”

Stede looked at both Ed and Izzy. He was given an escape and he wanted to take the opportunity so bad , to go home and cuddle and forget about everything that happened here. But he knew that if he chose to leave, going back will be even harder.

“I- I want to keep going.”

Ed kissed his forehead.

“It’s gonna be okay, love. Don’t worry. It’ll be nothing like when you were a kid.”

“Ed can- can I please have my headphones?”

“Of course baby.”

He handed Stede his teal noise canceling headphones. He would still be able to hear just fine, everything will just be turned down to a more manageable volume. And hopefully, it will prevent Stede from freaking out at the sound of the dreaded drill.

“You need anything else?”

“No. Just- stay with me. Please.”

Ed kissed his husband’s cheek.

“Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.”

Izzy was putting a drill bit inside the main instrument.

“I’m gonna use the tiny tip, and I’ll be really gentle” he reassured. “You’ll barely feel it. Edward is gonna help me to keep the suction in place-“

Stede must’ve looked really panicked, because Ed quickly added:

“I’ll still have a free hand. Don’t worry.”

Relieved, he sighed and relaxed a little bit.

“You’re numb, there shouldn’t be any pain. If you feel any discomfort, just raise your hand to tap out. Okay?”

“Okay…”

“I’m gonna turn it on now, just so you can hear the noise.”

Stede nodded, but still startled dramatically when the buzzing started. The thing wasn’t anywhere near his tooth, but too many awful memories were tied to this frightening hissing sound-

“Breathe, baby. Remember where you are. It’s just me and Izzy, right? And we’re taking good care of you. Nothing bad is gonna happen. I promised you you’ll be safe, and I’ll make good on that promise.”

Ed’s angelic voice brought him back to the present. He could do this. He could trust him.

“O-okay, I’m ready.”

Izzy turned the thing off before putting his mask over his nose.

“Alright, you know the drill by now-“ Ed giggled at his own joke, “open wide baby.”

As relaxed as he could managed, Stede opened his mouth.

“You can close your eyes, I won’t start without warning you.”

Stede complied, concentrating on Ed’s hand and not on the tools in his mouth…

“I’m turning it on. Don’t startle okay? Breathe through your nose.”

This time, his only reaction to the noise was to scrunch his face harder.

“Good. I’m gonna start to work on your tooth now. Remember, it shouldn’t be painful at all. Just pressure, and vibrations. That’s it.”

Poor Ed must have his fingers broken by that point, seeing how hard Stede was squeezing them.

“Here we go. Good job.”

It took a few seconds for Stede to realize his tooth was currently being drilled out. What?

That was it?

Really??

Yes, Izzy and Ed had told him it wouldn’t hurt, but Stede thought that it was just what dentists always said. He never realized that- it was really a thing, not being in agonizing pain while getting his tooth fixed. He couldn’t believe what the little boy he was at the time had to endure…

Stede’s train of thoughts was interrupted by Izzy stopping the drill.

“Shit, you’re okay baby??”

Confused, Stede suddenly realized that he was crying.

“Did that hurt? Is this your anxiety? We can take a break-“

“I’m okay, Ed. Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“What happened?”

“I- I just- nothing bad, I just-“

He sniffed, and smiled.

“You were right. I can do this. I’m doing this. I never thought- that it could be- okay.”

Ed also smiled and got a tissue out of his pocket for Stede.

“I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re so fucking brave, you know that, right? Thank you for trusting us. I’ll always take care of you, baby.”

With everything out of his system and another gentle squeeze of Ed’s hand for good mesure, Stede opened his mouth again to indicate to Izzy that he was good to keep going.

“It’s gonna be over in a few minutes. You’re doing great, Bonnet.”

He could get used to Izzy praising him. It felt weirdly nice.

The procedure started again, and even though it was still uncomfortable and stressful, Stede couldn’t believe that he didn’t feel pain at all.

When the noise became too much again and the flashbacks were menacing to resurface, he asked for a short break. Ed peppered him in kisses and praises until he was good to finish the last step.

“The drilling is all done. Now I just need to place the filling and you’ll be good to go.”

Already?

He was done?

“I told you babe, he’s good right?”

Stede nodded, impressed.

“Alright, you can open one last time. You’re doing great.”

As Izzy and Ed finished the filling, they took the time to explain every step. But to be honest, Stede was too exhausted to really pay attention. He was floating in that weird post anxiety stage where you’re too tired to think anymore.

“Stede?”

Stede opened his eyes. Ed had been talking to him, but he wasn’t listening.

He chuckled fondly.

“You’re all done, sleepyhead. No more dentist for today.”

Already?

“We can go home now?”

“Yes baby, we can go home. And I think you need a nap.”

He turned to Izzy, who was packing his stuff away.

“…Thank you for coming on a weekend, Izzy... And sorry for being difficult.”

“You’re welcome. You did really good today. I hope next time, you’ll be less nervous about coming here.”

“… let’s not get over ourselves here. We don’t need a next time.”

“You do realize that if you come to your regular checkups, you’ll avoid systematically associating going to the dentist with being in pain-“

“Alright! I think it’s time for us to go, Ed. Thanks again Izzy, bye!”

Izzy grumbled something, but Stede wasn’t listening as he dragged his husband out of the building.

They both entered the car, and Ed patted his back sympathetically.

“Look at you! You did it, baby. I knew you could! How do you feel?”

“My mouth is heavy.”

“That’ll wear off in a few hours, love.”

“And I’m tired. But, I’m fine. I’m glad it’s over though…”

“I’m so fucking proud of you. Fuck your stupid fucking father.”

Stede giggled.

“Yeah, fuck him.”

🦷🦷🦷