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Eddie's to-do list

Summary:

To say Eddie was concerned about his boyfriend was the understatement of the century. From the outside, he looked like his normal, happy self. He would show up to work with that stupid shit-eating grin he sports and tease Hen and Chimney and cook with Bobby and then go out and do his job like he always has. He would sneak behind Eddie while he was cleaning the truck, wrap his arms around his waist and kiss his cheek before running away before anyone saw him and proceed to tease Eddie about the flushed look on his face for the rest of their shift.

He was fine, at least, that's what he wanted everybody to think, and if this had been a year ago before Eddie and Buck were dating, he probably would have bought it, which makes Eddie feel sick inside when he thinks of all the times Buck was probably not doing okay and nobody even noticed.

Or

Eddie can see that Buck is not doing fine, and does everything he can as the supportive boyfriend he is to show him that it's okay and that he is here to help.

Notes:

I think this one was probably one of my favourites to write (so far as I still have a few to finish) so I hope I did it justice.

Buck is my favourite character to write, so I struggled to put a lot of the focus on Eddie, until the end, but I think I did a good job (I hope I did a good job!)

As always, enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

9th April

Prompt: “I can tell you’re not fine”


To say Eddie was concerned about his boyfriend was the understatement of the century. From the outside, he looked like his normal, happy self. He would show up to work with that stupid shit-eating grin he sports and tease Hen and Chimney and cook with Bobby and then go out and do his job like he always has. He would sneak behind Eddie while he was cleaning the truck, wrap his arms around his waist and kiss his cheek before running away before anyone saw him and proceed to tease Eddie about the flushed look on his face for the rest of their shift.

He was fine, at least, that's what he wanted everybody to think, and if this had been a year ago before Eddie and Buck were dating, he probably would have bought it, which makes Eddie feel sick inside when he thinks of all the times Buck was probably not doing okay and nobody even noticed. 

But now Eddie goes home with him, constantly has one eye on him out of habit and sees what others don't. He sees Buck's shoulders slump while he washes the dishes with his back to everyone, and sees his smile falter when the attention is not longer on him. He has to sit and wait while Buck showers for almost an hour at a time and watch as he skips meals by insisting he had eaten, forgetting that he was with Eddie all day and Eddie knows he hasn't. 

Buck wasn't okay, and it was about time Eddie did something about it. 

A-Shift had the day off but Buck had picked up an extra shift to help cover a sickness on B-Shift, so he set out early in the morning with Chris as they schemed together. 

"You have to make sure you don't burn the garlic bread because Buck loves scooping the lasagne onto the bread." Eddie rolled his eyes as he drove towards Hen's house. Hen had very kindly offered to take Chris for the day and night so that after wining and dining with his boyfriend, they could have an "adult" conversation without prying ears. Despite how he hounds Eddie to be honest with Chris about his emotions, he refuses to show the kid weakness and Eddie right now, needs honesty from Buck. "And you have to get the tiramisu from the cafe by the Greek takeaway, he will know if it's Target tiramisu because he says it tastes like plastic." 

"I know Chris, you have told me seven times already since yesterday, and also written it on my list." Eddie scolds playfully, looking in his mirror to Chris who was re-reading the to-do list Eddie had written like it held all the answers to the universe. The first on the list is obviously the most important to Chris. 

  • Drop Christopher off with Hen (Fortnite stream!!!!!!!!) 

"Dad? Do you think it will work? Will Buck not be sad anymore after this?" He looked up to the mirror, Eddie's heartbreaking at the look in Chris' eyes. He knew his son had noticed Buck's off behaviour lately, and had also noticed how Chris would try extra hard to keep Buck talking because he knew it distracted him. He loved how aware his son was but also hated it, wishing he could have protected him from the horrors of the world better. 

"I hope so buddy. Thank you for letting me do this, and for agreeing to spend the night with Hen so I could talk to Buck properly. I appreciate it." 

"I know, I'm the best." Seeing Chris wearing that same shit-eating grin that Buck had had Eddie belly-laughing the rest of the drive. Chris really was Buck's son. They pulled up outside and Denny was immediately at the door waving excitedly, Hen and Karen stood behind him. Chris barely said goodbye to his dad before running into the house after Denny, something about a Fortnite livestream that was about to start or something. 

"You off to Bobby's?" Hen asked, leaning into Karen who had her arm around her shoulder. Eddie had voiced his concerns to the two one night while Buck was working yet another overtime shift. He noticed as well that Buck liked to dive into work as another form of distraction, Eddie having to tell him off a few weeks ago when he almost agreed to continue with B-Shift after they had pulled a 28-hour shift, running 4 hours over after a warehouse fire got out of hand. He would have ended up working 40 hours without stopping and didn't even seem to batter an eyelash. 

"Yeah, he spent all morning making lasagne so all I have to do is keep it warm in the oven and make the garlic bread. Chris has made me promise I won't burn it, so in order to keep the promise, I am going to order it in about half an hour before Buck finishes work." 

"I'm telling Chris you cheated," Karen commented, Eddie holding his hand over his heart in mock offence. 

"And to think I thought we were friends. You were my favourite Wilson." He stepped back with a grin when Hen swung for him, heading down the steps of the patio back to his truck. "Thanks again, I owe you both!" 

"Yeah, for more than you think!" Hen yelled back, though her voice held no malice and the two were smiling as they closed the door and Eddie climbed back in the driver's side, setting off. It didn't take him long to get to Bobby's, the man already reeling off reheating instructions before Eddie even had one foot in the doorway. 

"If I hear on Monday that you have burnt my lasagne by leaving it in the oven too long on a higher heat than I told you, I will fire you." 

"Got it." Eddie saluted mockingly, Bobby sending him his standard dad glare that worked wonders on Buck but had yet to make Eddie quiver. "I promise Bobby, I will not burn your precious lasagne." 

"You're not giving me much hope here Eddie." 

"Bobby, I promised, come on." Rolling his eyes, he handed over the lasagne with hesitant hands, Eddie pretending to almost drop it making the man lunge forward with wide eyes. "I'm kidding Bobby, I'm kidding!" 

"I will be asking for updates." Eddie knew the man was half joking, that he probably meant it as a hint to also be sent updates on Buck who he knew Bobby was worried about but was being a lot more subtle than Eddie. As his captain, Bobby had to keep Buck at arm's length but everyone knew how the man was seen in Bobby's eyes compared to everyone else. Eddie, although a colleague of Buck's, did not have to be as subtle as his boyfriend. 

"Don't worry, I will keep you up to date, on the lasagne and Buck." He says with a raised eyebrow, Bobby sighing with a slight nod, leading Eddie to the door. He watches the man carefully as he climbs into the truck, shouting after him before he closes the door. 

"Thank you Eddie." Smiling, Eddie salutes again making Bobby roll his eyes before he shuts his front door, Eddie pulling out his list with a smile.

  • Drop Christopher off with Hen (Fortnite stream!!!!!!!!) 
  • Pick up Bobby's lasagne (Pay attention to his instructions Dad)

It's almost 2:00pm when Eddie is heading back to the house after running his errands, only having two hours to get everything set for Buck to finish his shift. He ends up having to do three trips to get everything into the house, dumping all the bags and Bobby's lasagne on the kitchen table with a huff. He pulls out the list, nodding to himself as he admires everything he has accrued so far. 

  • Drop Christopher off with Hen (Fortnite stream!!!!!!!!) 
  • Pick up Bobby's lasagne (Pay attention to his instructions Dad)
  • Go to Target for a new blanket, Buck's favourite hot chocolate mix and milk 
  • Pick up tiramisu from Noya (Not from Target Dad) 

His first point of call was to put the oven on a LOW heat (thank you Bobby) and pop the lasagne in so it stays at a nice temperature for later, before putting the tiramisu in the fridge with the milk because Christopher had very rudely used the last of it this morning for a rather large bowl of cereal. Eddie had offered to make French toast for him, but he insisted it wasn't worth it because it wouldn't be as good as Buck's (again, very rude.) He kept the tiramisu in the bag from Noya so that Buck could see for himself that it was not a store-bought dessert and then put the hot chocolate in the cupboard. Next, he needed to set the couch up for their movie with the new blanket he had bought for Buck and then set out his sweats and favourite sweater on their bed (which he put fresh bedding on in the morning) so that Buck could come in, get a shower and dressed, before their meal. 

Eddie had literally thought of everything and he was very proud of himself. 

Usually, when he and Buck did date nights, they both went very out for each other. Booked extravagant restaurants, expensive day trips, and hotel staycations with very hot and very kinky sex, but it was very rare they did intimate date nights, where they got to be vulnerable in their own home, lounge around in comfies and just, exist with one another. 

Hen blamed it on them being in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, having only been dating for eight months, and also on the fact that Buck didn't live with them officially yet, so time with Eddie was also rare despite how little he actually spent at the loft now. Eddie hoped that by doing this, they could exit the honeymoon phase and enter the rest of their lives. 

It was nearing 3:20pm when Eddie made the executive decision to order the garlic bread. There was a small family-owned Italian cafe not far from their house that he chose to order from, knowing that it would probably be delivered just before Buck was due home so if he put it straight in the oven with the lasagne, would stay warm until he dished everything out. While he waited, he turned back to the list, crossing off the next items with a grin. 

  • Drop Christopher off with Hen (Fortnite stream!!!!!!!!) 
  • Pick up Bobby's lasagne (Pay attention to his instructions Dad)
  • Go to Target for a new blanket, Buck's favourite hot chocolate mix and milk 
  • Pick up tiramisu from Noya (Not from Target Dad) 
  • Go home and make sure not to set the house on fire (This is not funny) 
  • Make sure everything is set up on the table by 4.00pm (Don't burn the garlic bread) 

It was not long after he ordered the garlic bread that Buck had texted him to say he was on his way home. So far, everything was going perfectly and right on time. 

With the plates and cutlery set on the table, candles lit (electric ones, Eddie has been to far too many house fires involved candlelit dinners to be so stupid and use real ones), and the food ready to be placed in the centre of the table, it was like clockwork when he heard Buck's key turning in the door. Greeting him in the hallway, he wrapped him up in his arms, placing a kiss on his cheek while taking his bag from his shoulder. 

"Welcome home baby." Buck smiled, inhaling with a long sniff, closing his eyes. 

"Do I smell Georgio's garlic bread?" 

"You will have to find out. Go and shower, do not go into the living room, and then meet me in the kitchen in 15 minutes, okay?" 

"Why can't I go into the living room?" 

"You will have to wait and see. Now go!" He pushed Buck down the hall with a smirk, watching as he disappeared into Eddie's bedroom, their bedroom, before dropping Buck's bag off in the laundry room and heading back into the kitchen. He poured two glasses of Malbec, making Buck's a little larger because the man had been at work all day, and then proceeded to get the dinner out of the oven and place it in the middle of the table, the steam making his mouth water. He sent a quick picture to Bobby and Chris before putting his phone on do-not-disturb and placing it out of the way. Bobby and Chris could get updates once the night was over.

As promised, Buck was heading into the kitchen 15 minutes later, his arms lost in the long sleeves of his sweater, a love-struck smile on his face when he took in the sight of Eddie sitting waiting for him, the food still steaming, his wine set next to his plate.  

"What's the occasion?" Eddie could already see the slight panic on Buck's face as he racked his brain for any significance to the date, shaking his head with a laugh. 

"Does there have to be one, can I not just wine and dine my boyfriend?" Buck rolled his eyes, placing himself opposite Eddie with a heavy sigh. 

"Is this Bobby's lasagne?" 

"It is. I didn't think you would appreciate having to attend a house fire here after I burnt down the kitchen attempting to make one myself." A genuine laugh escaped Buck's lips making Eddie's heart swell. He felt like it had been a while since he had seen his boyfriend truly laugh, without a care in the world. "Come on, dig in." 


They finished up their meal in relative silence, just enjoying being in the other's company. Eddie spoke briefly about Christopher running off with Denny for his Fortnite marathon, and Buck sharing some short tales of calls from his shift, but Eddie loved that they could just exist in the other's presence without the need to constantly fill the silence. He loved just being with Buck. Eddie had to slap Buck's hand when he went to go for the dishes, tutting and pouring him another glass of wine. 

"You do not touch. The dishes are going to go in the sink on soak and will be done in the morning, by me, before you argue." Rolling his eyes, Buck brought the glass to his lips but didn't argue, Eddie, nodding in approval, moving around swiftly to get everything on soak. Once he was happy with the state of the kitchen, he grabbed Buck's hand and led him into the living room, watching Buck's face fill with adoration. 

"Did you get me a new blanket?" He whispered, pouting happily as he rounded the couch and immediately sunk down, wrapping himself in the dark green knitted blanket that was laid out for him. 

"I know you mentioned the old one has a hole in it that couldn't be fixed without it looking odd, so I took the liberty of putting it away in storage and grabbing you a new one today. Do you like the colour?" 

"I love it. Are we watching a movie?" 

"I have Brokeback Mountain queued up ready."

"Brokeback what?"

"Hen recommended it, she insisted."  Settling down next to Buck, he turned to face him instead of cuddling up, making Buck frown. "But first, we need to talk." Gulping loudly, Buck placed his wine on the coffee table and turned to face Eddie, crossing his legs with a nod. 

"Okay." Eddie was silent for a second, trying to figure out how to start this. He had been practising all day how he would breach the topic with Buck, wanting to be as sensitive as possible while also making it clear that he needed Buck to be honest with him before he lost his mind, but sitting across from him now, everything he had rehearsed went straight out the window. So, grabbing Buck's hands, linking them with his own with a light squeeze, he started with this,

"I can tell you're not fine. You haven't been fine for a while, and I hate that it took me as long as it did to notice and do something about it, but Buck, baby, I am so worried about you." Buck tensed almost immediately but didn't pull away which Eddie took as a win, so he continued, needing to get his piece out before Buck even began to argue. "And I know what you're going to say. You're going to say I'm looking too much into this and that there is nothing wrong but I see things that you don't think I see, and it's killing me. I know straight off the bat that you are not eating, and don't lie to me-" He watched as Buck's mouth opened and then snapped shut again, sending Eddie a swift nod to show he wasn't going to interrupt. "I know in work we have our own chores and we have calls and we are not always attached at the hip, but I see everything, and I know you lie about eating in work when we get home, and also, in the nicest way possible, don't believe you when you tell me you've eaten at home before a shift." Eddie paused, squeezing Buck's hand again to show he was finished, for now, and allowed Buck a moment to collect his thoughts, his voice low when he eventually spoke up. 

"I have, an odd relationship with food," He cringed, inhaling sharply, not releasing his breath for a few seconds, "When I am stressed, or feeling, disconnected from myself, I just, don't feel hungry. I don't do it on purpose, not really, I sometimes just forget to eat and then I realise it's been a whole day and instead of getting something, I just leave it, because if I wasn't hungry all day then surely I'm not hungry now, so I just ignore it."  

"Evan, baby, you know how unhealthy that is. You almost killed me the other week when you realised I had slept through breakfast and force-fed me a whole bowl of oatmeal." 

"I know, I try, I-I do but, I forget." His voice cracks, tears welling in his eyes as he looks away from Eddie, the man's heartbreaking. 

"What's caused this? You said you feel disconnected from yourself, talk to me about that. I'm here for a reason, I am not going anywhere." The first tear of many rolled down Buck's cheek, his breathing shaky and crackly as he tried to control his emotions, sniffling harshly.

"My parents, they didn't show up for our joint therapy session. And I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but, I thought they were going to try, you know? After learning about Daniel, and our talk in the firehouse, I thought they were trying to see how this had affected me, my side of things, but, I guess I was wrong. And I just, I wasn't supposed to be born Eddie." He laughs bitterly, another round of tears escaping his eyes as he closes them briefly. "I was born to do one thing, and I didn't do it, and I spent so many years taking that for granted. I would throw myself out of trees and ride my bike into oncoming traffic on purpose, I tried to kill myself when I was 25, just before I joined the LAFD. Imagine how insulted Daniel would have been if he could see me, throwing away my life like it was nothing when I'm the reason he died. And I tried so hard to have this new lease on life, to try and live for him, you know? And I just, I can't, because I'm so fucked in the head that I can't be happy. I am just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and it's so exhausting. I'm so tired Eddie, I'm so fucking tired." And then he broke like he was a puppet and his strings were snapped, he just collapsed into Eddie's arms, the man barely catching him as he sobbed into his chest. Heartbreakingly, loud sobs followed by fat tears that seemed never-ending. 

Eddie could kill the Buckley parents with his two bare hands and not be sorry about it. He hated them like he had never hated anyone in his entire life and god, how could they make such an amazing person feel like this? Buck was the sweetest, softest soul with a heart of gold that loved too much and too hard and they just took him for granted. Acted like he wasn't the best person to bless their lives. 

Eddie vowed there and then that he would spend the rest of his life devoting all of his time showing Buck just how amazing and loved he is. No matter how long it took. 

"Buck, Buck baby look at me." Eddie held Buck's wet, snotty face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs along his cheekbones in awe. "I love you, for you. You are a beautiful human being and I am going to spend the rest of my life proving just how amazing I think you are, but you need to stop bottling all these emotions up. I am here to share your burden of life, you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders alone. Let me help me, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved." He kissed Buck's nose making him scrunch his face up the way Eddie loves, a sad smile on his lips as he pulled away. "I love you, I love you, I love you." 

"I love you too." 

Eddie wrapped Buck up in his blanket and lay him against his chest, and that was how they spent the rest of the night. The conversation was not over and a lot more would need to be said, but for the time being, Eddie would just let Buck be, in his arms, content and happy, and if they sat and watched Brokeback mountain with hot chocolate and tiramisu, cried a little more and then fell asleep in an extremely uncomfortable positon on the couch wrapped in a knitted dark green blanket, then that was between them, and Eddie's completed to-do list which he would say, he checked off with great success. 

  • Drop Christopher off with Hen (Fortnite stream!!!!!!!!) 
  • Pick up Bobby's lasagne (Pay attention to his instructions Dad)
  • Go to Target for a new blanket, Buck's favourite hot chocolate mix and milk 
  • Pick up tiramisu from Noya (Not from Target Dad) 
  • Go home and make sure not to set the house on fire (This is not funny) 
  • Make sure everything is set up on the table by 4.00pm (Don't burn the garlic bread) 
  • Wine and dine with my beautiful Boyfriend (Gross) 
  • Show Buck just how amazing he is, inside and out. (My hero!!!)

Notes:

As always, you can find me on tumblr @buck-up-buck

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