Work Text:
He always thought that alternate universes exist, where someone like himself would have a weird habit like dumpster diving. However, what about Dan Heng himself?
Unclaimed packages lie all around Central Starskiff Haven, even in Cloudford. They were forgotten as evident of the expired food packages or the newly-woven silk of unused clothing. With them, Dan Heng found a hobby - to gather as much as he can; to hell with morals.
Whether it is expired food packages (that he can easily recover from thanks to the Stellaron) to the clothes and trinkets he can wear and sell, he would take it all. It was a funny thing as he never thought that abandoned object would look as good. As long as they look good or edible, it is something that he would hoard - like a dragon from those fairytales that March 7th told him about.
Speaking of the six-phased ice user, she scrunched her nose, staring at his candy bar with disgust. Dan Heng also picked up the bar from a nearby unclaimed package that already looked as old as that Aeons-damned Arbiter General - not that being old is a good thing. She gagged, as if mocking the meal he made up with that expired candy bar.
“You are disgusting.” March swallows the bead in her throat, covering her mouth as the crunch of the candy bar gnashed between his teeth was audible.
“Hey, it's free food.” Dan Heng shrugged before biting another mouthful of the bar, “It's not like the Stellaron inside me would leave me to die because of food poisoning.”. Food poisoning would have been the most humiliating way to die, other than getting eaten by a giant fish…
Or be the cause of a Stellaron explosion? Dan Heng shakes his head off these kind of thoughts.
“Fine.” March sighed, “You go enjoy your meal and I'll get myself a decent one, at least.”. With a silent wave of goodbye, Dan Heng could only watch as the pink-haired girl walks away. He sauntered - to a random place, hopefully to distract himself.
As he explores the landscape of Central Starskiff Haven, he noticed the mixture of both tradition and technology. Maybe it's because of the three races that dominated the Luofu? That certainly is a possibility. Despite being diverse in its own right, they surprisingly lived in harmony when the humans from the Underworld and the surface world of Belobog could not even get along back then.
He also noticed most stores are closed - piled with unending towers of packages that lie innocently. As he scattered the insides of the packages, it is either he got rice or ingredients for the fried rice he can make with the synthesizer. They were valuable in their very own right, but an ingredient would be more useful if he could whip something up.
However, one particular package caught his attention.
It was a lot smaller than the ones he took and ravaged upon. He picked up the package, shaking its contents. The heavy sounds accompanying his actions made it seem like it had filled the box. He smiled, knowing this will be a big one. It is probably a new gadget or some new parts that Himeko and Pom-Pom might want for the Express.
As soon as he turned the box around, his eyes darkened and he almost collapsed. Thankfully, he did not and the box remained in his hands - safely, at least. There was a label on the box: mini-neutron bomb.
Nope! There is no way Dan Heng wants to blow up this early, especially since he has not seen a minute-worthy glimpse of the Ruin Author.
Does chucking a mini-neutron bomb to the ocean hurt the environment? That is what Dan Heng ponders about as he looks at the ocean. He ran to the Alchemy Commission with every intention to throw the bomb to the ocean, knowing that it is probably going to create a big explosion. Is this karma for getting shit from unclaimed packages?
His phone rang. The person who texted him caused him to groan, almost dropping his phone. It was that Arbiter General who was probably going to kick his ass (not that he could!) for picking up this package containing a bomb.
Arbiter General Assface: Brat.
Me: what
Arbiter General Assface: I heard you got a package with you. Give it to Qingzu or so help me.
Me: what if I don't want to?
Arbiter General Assface: it's so tempting to come over there and kick your ass. it's on sight, brat.
Me: fine whatever.
Dan Heng pocketed his phone with a huff, knowing he has to hold on to the bomb longer than he should. He has to admit that the Luofu would have better luck handling this case than him. They probably have other solutions, other than chucking the bomb to the ocean. In fact, he would have chucked the bomb already if it weren't for General Assface interfering him.
Oh well, he has no choice.
“You must be that stupid to pick up a bomb, brat.” General Yingxing crossed his arms, sneering at him, “In general, you shouldn't steal from unclaimed packages, you little weasel!”.
“I didn't even know that I picked up a bomb!” Dan Heng argued in an attempt to defend himself for his actions, “And don't call me a weasel, you emo!”. He was still holding the package with the bomb inside, afraid that if he had dropped it, it would blow up. After all, a bomb is fragile. One wrong move and he would blow up literally.
“General, Trailblazer…” Qingzu said in a scolding tone, which silenced Dan Heng and that general. She faced Dan Heng, her hands extending. “Please, hand over the bomb, Trailblazer. We're going to handle this case from this point on.”.
Dan Heng huffed before walking towards Qingzu. A worried gaze etched his face as he carefully placed the box on the woman’s waiting hands, his hands shaking as he did so. As soon as the box touched the lady’s palms, Dan Heng let go of the breath he did not know he has been holding since he was told to give the package.
“Why so nervous? Are you so…?” General Yingxing walked over to Qingzu before patting the box like how you would pat a companion to their backs.
“General, don't!”
CLICK….
BOOM!
“I hate you so much, General - Urgh!” Dan Heng growls at the General, wincing as the healers touch his burns with cotton and herbal medicine. To recount what happened, the general accidentally touched the on-switch of the bomb. That alone caused the bomb to blow up. Thankfully, the explosion is not as large as Dan Heng feared and expected as it only blew up himself, General Yingxing and Qingzu - who is also receiving treatment in the ladies’ room.
“Likewise, brat.” General Yingxing retorted, trying to stay composed even as the healers touched his burns with the same medicine, “I swear… I'll kick your ass.”.
“Nuh-uh.” Dan Heng glares at him, almost summoning his bo-staff curio, “I'll do it first, assface.”.
“Uhm… Trailblazer…” One of the healers approached Dan Heng with a paper, “This was found in the box. You might want to read it.”.
“Uh… Sure.” Dan Heng awkwardly accepted the paper that was found from the bomb. His eyes narrowed as he realized what was written on it, his hands almost crumpling the paper he was holding.
Have fun in the Xianzhou Alliance, Trailblazer!
Your friend, Sampo.
That. Fucking. Sampo! Dan Heng seethed. Sampo left the package there on purpose, knowing that Dan Heng was going to pick it up. Was he a stalker? Dan Heng swears… the moment he sees Sampo next, he is going to kick his ass until next Tuesday. He swore he almost freezes the paper with his Preservation path’s affinity. I'm gonna kick your ass, Sampo.
The healers (and Lady Bailu) sighed, knowing that they will be like this the whole treatment.